#maybe it’s all just the waiting and watching and dreading plus a hefty dose of caregiver fatigue that’s causing it but

[kyluxtrashpit]

Another old cat health ramble. Just cause sometimes I need to write things out

She’s still doing surprisingly well considering how increasingly unsettling she looks (if you follow me on twitter and open the sensitive content warnings, you know what she looks like - it’s spooky. I don’t post pics here cause there’s no real easy way to censor so it’s an opt in if you want to see her current state or not). And I think the cancer has definitely spread to her inner ear, as her balance problems are getting worse. She wobbled so bad she just about did a somersault yesterday when licking the hairball goo I give them every night off her front leg. Sometimes she rubs the area and it’s not great but it’s still manageable and it seems more like it just feels uncomfy sometimes (which I try to alleviate with the lubricant, but she doesn’t love that either so. Delicate balance)

But despite all that, she’s still so full of life and seemingly pain free. She still plays, eats, snuggles - if you covered up the affected part of her face and chocked the occasional wobble up to her being old or something, you’d never know there was anything wrong with her. She’s still so happy and tbh it. Doesn’t really make sense that she’s doing so well

Like I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth here but. It is strange. I expected her to be worse by now and I figured her even living to see october was a 50/50 shot. I had been hoping she’d last until this weekend, as it’s a long weekend, and unless anything goes downhill super quickly (which is absolutely possible), she’s going to sail right through without an issue. November? I don’t think it’ll happen based on the historical rate of growth from month to month but. She’s also really barely declined. The tumour is notably bigger and her balance is off but. That’s it

Idk I should be happy she’s doing so well but I can’t help but like. Feel on edge about it. Like whatever’s going to happen is going to be a really quick decline. She could pass suddenly in her sleep at any time too, or her heart could just stop or a blot clot or so many other things that would be sudden and instant. And while a long, slow deterioration is it’s own hell, so is a quick one that you don’t have the chance to prepare for. There’s no good way for it to happen but. Idk. It just makes me nervous that she’s still doing so well even though I know I should be grateful and cherishing it

Idk. There’s no real point here, it’s mostly a ramble. I feel like I’ve been preparing for it to happen any day for months, have been already mourning her for all this time. But she’s still kicking and is basically the same as she always is. And I’m happy for that, I truly truly am, but idk, I can’t help but think it’s a sign that when the time does come, there will be little to no warning. And while it sucks no matter how it happens, idk, I just can’t help being on edge about that because it still sucks, but there is at least some comfort in having at least some warning

[anniemar]

Vikings 5x11 (The Revelation)

I had a lot of fun recapping the first half of season 5 so I figured I’d take a stab at 5B, even though I really hate this whole split season thing. Considering it’s been a year since 5A. But whatever. It makes about as much sense as this show. As always, these recaps come with a hefty dose of hyperbole. I’m not out to offend anyone, I know we all have our favorites, and you’re more than welcome to disagree with me, but these are just my opinions. I might make fun of these characters and the show, but hey, I’m here watching. I obviously watch for a reason, because I’m a fan dammit. I love the characters, sometimes. They fade in and out of favor for me. Ivar was once my dude, and he still kinda is, but I’m not an apologist when he does fucked up shit. And so let’s just jump into some of that fucked up shit, shall we? Or piss, rather ... 

The Saga of King Ivar begins with him peeing on the throne. Gross, dude. And then putting a poor goat on top of it. I’m really not into animal cruelty, plus he called the goat “the queen” ... do you mean Lagertha, Ivar? Or are you a goat-fucker now? I would’t be surprised tbh. The whole thing just reeked of a middle-ages fraternity-rager. Not a fun party. 

Harald is sad about his wife, unborn child, and his bro. Ivar tells him to cheer up, there’s plenty of fish in the sea ... and he’s not exactly sentimental about brothers, so it’s not a great pep talk. I’m thinking Harald, when he sobers up and looks around a little, is gonna be like ... 

Later Ivar notices Freydis, who’s been hanging around and staring at him. And all of us at home are like, yeah, we kinda get it. He’s real cute. 

Except he’s also batshit crazy and a brat, so there’s that. He invites her in and BOY DOES HIS ANGRY TUNE CHANGE when she’s around. He becomes a loose-lipped puppy dog, it’s adorkable. He also asks if she’s married (real subtle there, Ivar) and she’s like, nah ... I like being free, I like living alone. No men. AND I AM HONESTLY SO DOWN WITH FREYDIS HERE. 

Until two seconds later when she spouts that “you’re so special ... I’d die for you” bullshit she was spouting from last season, er I mean ... first half of the same season. Whatever. 

Seriously, what is she playing at? The logical part if me is thinking ... she must have some ulterior motive, she can’t be just some Ivar groupie, can she? But then I remember this is the show Vikings, where people’s motivations never make a whole hell of a lot of sense, especially women’s. But I digress. 

Ivar laps up what she’s serving and then she asks what she can do for him ... and he gives her that grinch smile ... fade to black. And I mean, come on. We all know what happens next week. The Ivar fandom has been dreading it for over a year now. Ivar the boneless is gonna find out he’s not so boneless, and that Margrethe made him think the opposite. I wonder how he’ll take that bit of news considering she happens to be back in town.  

Welcome back Uncle Daddy Rollo. I love Rollo and his crooked smile, always have, no matter how much of a fuck-up he is. His mind and heart always warring with each other. I suppose he reminded me of (Marvel) Loki when I first started watching Vikings. And Ragnar was (Marvel) Thor. 

Though I guess you can’t really call him a fuck-up considering his vast wealth in Francia or the fact that his descendants will turn the tide in England in good ole 1066. In this way he has most certainly beaten Ragnar. But in his homeland? He just goes about shit in the wrong way. And ends up losing, if not the battle, then definitely his heart. 

I suppose his motive was to help Ivar and Hvitserk so that Lagertha and Bjorn would have no other choice but to join him in Francia, but that was a HELL of a gamble. Seems as though he’d have been held in much better regard if he’d helped out his “son” and the “woman he loves” by backing them, but NOPE. He steps foot on Scandinavian soil and all of a sudden he’s that guy living in his brother’s shadow again and makes all the wrong decisions. And thus he sails away from Kattegat, perhaps for the last time, thinking ... 

Though I did enjoy him playing Ivar like a damn fiddle the entire time. And for that Rollo, I salute you. And I hope to see you again. 

Vikings on the run + Heahmund. Margrethe is chained up with a pig for company, because she’s gone mad apparently. I’m just not into this at all. Why not just leave her in Kattegat? I’ve never had love for the character but come on. Hasn’t she suffered enough? Through bad writing and terrible acting? I guess not. 

And so Lagertha, who has two men pledge their love to her this episode (and making a lot of Gisla/Rollo fans even more bitter, and justifiably so) ... now has really weird hair, and the makeup team isn’t covering up her under-eye circles. Also, whatever, I get that they’re trying to make her look aged, but at most she looks to be 40 and still gorgeous. 

Bjorn emotes. Ubbe ... exists. And Heahmund tries to convince Lagertha that he’s loyal and wants her, even though he can’t publicly acknowledge her in England, being a bishop and all. So romantic. 

They get the hell out before Ivar can catch them, leaving Margrethe to him. Hvitserk then carries her off in his arms after they get back to Kattegat, and something tells me somewhere, this whole situation is gonna make good ole Hvitserk be like ... 

Spanglo-Saxons. I’m still loving Alfred and can’t wait to see who Judith sets him up with. Hell, I’m even cool with Aethered. For now. It seems like we have a king with intelligence and then a prince who is the muscle. But something tells me it just can’t stay that way ... 

In the last shot we see Heahmund riding back with Althelred, apparently to make an appeal to the new king to welcome his friends. As Lagertha and Bjorn leave their cage-covered wagon, you can just see it written all over their faces ... 

Maybe a life in Francia with everything one could want wasn’t such a bad idea after all? 

Meanwhile in Floki-land. I DON’T CARE. Seriously. Get Aud and the famous wrestler off that island and back to Kattegat where they can at least be somewhat useful. I really like Aud as a character, but the whole Iceland storyline is so boring. Let Floki go somewhere else, like a robot island off the coast of China. Let him discover that. 

Anyway. Did I like the episode? I did, honestly. It was good to see these guys again, especially Rollo. It was a decent season opener ... er ... i mean, second-half of the season opener. 

Until next week ...