#maybe starting something thatll last with them just doesn't feel like a good thought or something i should want when theyre not my knight
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did i almost have a breakdown today because there were too many strawberries in my smoothie? maybe. maybe.
#but i have a crush on someone and i though my fucked emotions were going to break it but they said something cute and im mushy again#like i think maybe i still have it but im past the initial omg theyre so cute and fun and funny and onto the but i dont actually know them#so why was i so eager to date them? and i hate this stage cause i feel so lost and wrong for wanting to go out with them#but gosh they are so sweet and exciting and im scared and doubtful and the feeling seems gone then they say something and it comes back#for a little while and maybe maybe that light swwet fweling will come bzck when i do know them better? and i stop feeling like#i have no idea who they are or how to read them?#i dont know i dont know how crushes work but i really like them and i want to like them and i cant wait to meet up with them#but i still feel weird and guilty because theyre not my person and that doesnt fwel good#maybe starting something thatll last with them just doesn't feel like a good thought or something i should want when theyre not my knight#this all feels awful#but i have therapy this week and i want to be happy and my cards say to just do what i will as it comes and the rest is meant to be#so please please please let this feeling pass and let me be happy#i give up for tonight though im going to play games and rest
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