#maybe this whole cutesy shit ain't working out for me

[washa]

idk how you guys are getting cute things on character ai?? my bots keep fucking killing me???

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

The amount of self indulges yn fics is getting anoying

Can you just tag them as that and not clutter the x reader tags-

Your not even that good 😒 😕

In my opinion the only okay fic you have would he the dancing with fyodor one-

Also aren't you to young to be writing some of your content or even thinking about some of the darker angst you write?

Also girlie, you should stip complaining 24/7

Pretty sure most of your blog is you playing the woe me card. This ain't a space for vents it's for creativity? Pretty sure Bobby wants to here you go on and on about an illness you probably don't have/ self diagnosed 😉

You caught me in a sour mood-

Uh warning: mentions of mental illness, Lu snapped writing this :)

Eh-heh…

This is 100% over the top on the bish scale… swearing, maybe an insult or two-

Typically I ignore anons like yourself and simply block them and don’t bother reading them. However, I've needed to break “character” for a bit now.

Also, I'm not "girlie" i'd prefer to be adressed as Lu, or another nuteral term

I am getting real sick and fucking tired of logging on to this type of shit. I have a cutesy blog, inclusive, safe, and welcoming. Many of my “self indulgent” fics also help others who share common issues. I’m actually diagnosed with severe anxiety that gives way to panic attacks. Typically triggered by any loud surroundings, being forced to interact with people, being yelled at, locked in a dark room, having somebody scold me for something I didn't do. I’ve also narrowly “escaped” a mental hospital I was threatened with as a punishment for “not understanding that I don't have anything to be sad about.” So yes, I am diagnosed with both depression, anxiety and a whole bunch-a other thing dear.

My cute and childish outward appearance that makes me seem much younger than I am is my deflective shield. If I'm small then I can't be hurt as easily. If I'm small, people like me better. If I'm small , people care about me. If I'm small they typically take pity, baby me, treat me kindly, gently, softly. I’m not a child but i act like one to preserve what little keeps me going in a world filled with little shits like you.

I am about up to here with cisco's hiding behind a screen who think they can tell ME how i should run MY blog. You know what, if you don’t like the content, block me. But I like what I write, I think I'm amazing. I’ve worked hard… People reach out all the time to tell me I helped them smile through some pain, and brought a little sunshine past the storm.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Man... I'm not even gonna lie I was semi holding back on explaining my sudden sporadicness thinking I'd be abke to end it off on sugary sweet ah but R's birthday broke me from my addiction!1!!11!! Ending buuut

I just woke up from a horrible nightmare andddd yeah. Basically, started off normalish to bad as it was some family bs which slowly turned to them shaming me for not going to school/working then part of the house LITERALLY EXPLODED. Somehow someway it was made to be my fault lmfao.

Weirdly tho it slowly transitioned to this story of this dude tryna live in the remains of our house. Our house was really high uo for whatever reason and he couldn't easily get food. But he had two pets. Dog and a pig. Pig died of starvation and wayy later on the dog went rabid and bit tf out dude forcing him to have shake him off his foot and watch as he tumbled down the massive cliff/mountain thing the house was on which of course was extremely gruesome.

Thenpoo dude apparently caught an illness from the bite and died ONLY TO BE REVIVED BY THE SPIRIT OF THE MALNOURISHED PIG. Then past that the pig was talking to him and giving him tips on how to survive which involved killing the dog before he could bite him/less starved so more meat. Which meant me watching him bash the dog onto a rock and just... eating. No cooking or ahit.

THEN outta nowhere dude hid and come to find out he was hallucinating SO bad. I'm not even sure if he even died fr atp mans was preemptively hiding from the grim reaper. And not even on some oh shit spooky death man. Dude just APPEARED and it was straight up copy paste from the sims 4. And whole time dude is talking to the pig spirit loud af which I'm sure woulda got him caught.

Whiiich miraculously made me wake up. I think the tomfoolery of the threat of the dream being the casual dumbass from the sims 4 made me realize I was dreamed and I just jerked up hard as hell to wake up quick as possible. It honestly wasn't too bad as far as my dreams go. Watching the dude go insane and murdering his damn dog was hard but it was tame compared some of my others. I haven't taken any cause of if cause I wasn't tooooo scared when I woke up. So this makes 5 days actually. I went a good 3 days without sleeping in fear of the nightmares (plus not being sleepy w/o the shit ngl) but by the first time I passed out I was too exhausted to do all that luckily. This has been my first time sleep again so I'm actually pretty happy I was able to sleep so soon after the fact

Thoooo uh I will be dosing if I don't get as lucky in my next dream. I'm genuinely glad I've had such a relatively easy withdrawal period this time around and I don't want to go back on that without serious reason. The heart pain has been sucky and my head has been pounding but it's been easy to get used to. Though I'm not sitting through any worse of a nightmare than the shit just now. I can't take that mess. I'd love to have the cutesy ass story there but I genuinely can't. Though I'm not that tired and it still ain't happen just yet so maybe I will push through. Thooo we'll see

Edit: accidentally fell back to sleep for another 2 and now off 600 😁👍

I couldn't even explain to entire thing. It would be so long and wouldn't even be picturable past a point. All I know is I woke up scared I was still in it and it took me a good 20 to stop being paranoid that my sisters or dad or my fucking dog was going to transform and continue the dream. I was questioning if I was in hell and if i had ever been a real person

Needless to say my sobriety arc is now over and I'm looking into my new bottle now. I can't have doubts like that. I really can't

I don't care if that makes me weak or a bitch or whatever else. I'm can't sit there getting traumatized by my fucking dreams and still be normal me day in day out. Fuck that