#me as an adult: fuck writing essays but tag rambling is fun

[ai-dont-care]

you'd think the long boring passages of moby dick would be long boring and beautiful and sometimes they are but often they are just Long And Boring

[akpaleyreblogs]

Welcome to the Allison Just Blogs Here hour.

So I have. Started watching some of these again I used to watch them a lot, it’s what resulted in me running the game the first time as a young adult instead of doing something else to stay in touch with folks, was having Opinions about shit Matt Coleville said. Nowadays I get anxious half the time when I engage with how-to D&D content, I get in my head and overly critical about my own work, but I’ve been watching some of these again and I feel like this is maybe. Really Important?

Like not “you should have fun when you write and run the game,” clearly I figured that one out, but in the middle it talks about tension. If you want to write something and you’re not feeling it it’s usually about lack of tension. And that one is. Crazy important, I think, for me personally.

I’ve been sitting here trying to script a video where I’m relaying information and it’s not going anywhere because 1) I don’t have anything unique to say and 2) I’m not arguing a point. And I think this is maybe the reason to write critical content I’ve been on the fence about writing, or write something that’s a huge fucking meme but entertains me, or write some older stuff that I have specific points to make about even though it’s not in the weird place I’ve for some reason decided to pigeonhole myself into. Which maybe means I’m about to throw away a couple weeks of work (though as long as I hang onto it it’s not REALLY thrown away, and if a way to make it something I care about comes to me I will) and that’s not my favorite thing, but.

I don’t want to be writing essays that don’t contribute anything to the conversation or mean anything to anyone?

I wrote and researched The Cosmere Basics because Spencer found all the similar resources for learning about that kind of stuff inadequate, he wasn’t learning, and he wanted the information. That MEANS something. I wrote the radiant honor video because I couldn’t stop rambling around that point at all my fandom friends who would let me, that wanted to be made. The couple things I’ve been trying to script currently are just information. Who needs this information? Who does this serve? Who will care if they’re not already invested enough in the minutia of this fandom to know most of it anyway? At least The Cosmere Basics is substantial work to track down comprehensively even as a long time fan and required use of a lot of extratextual resources to do. 

I don’t want to just. Make shit to make shit, I guess. It won’t be good? So I need to consume more and read more and go have more things to have thoughts or feelings or opinions about or else doing YouTube is stupid and I should just be burning through video tutorials like crazy. I can develop a brand and put funny character drawings in things without talking only about one or two topics. If I’m any good people will care anyway as long as I’m smart about tagging things and posting stuff when it’s topical, and if I’m not this was never going to be anything anyway. 

I’m gonna go pull out some ideas I actually care about and find some books to read on narrative construction and film theory now, bye.