#me projecting my own mental health issues on my favourite blorbo??

[fluffydavey]

When Davey wakes up, his first thought is that it’s an in between day. It’s not a good day, but it’s not a bad day just yet. He just feels…nothing. And sometimes, that’s good. He’s not numb with sadness, or overly optimistic about the day ahead of him.

He peaks a look at Jack, to see that the other boy is already awake, watching him intently. Jack looks at him like he’s hung the moon, and Davey has never understood what it is that Jack actually sees in him. He doesn’t say this aloud though, scared that he’ll push him away or that he’ll help Jack see sense.

“Good morning handsome,” Jack says softly, lifting his arm and running his fingers through Joe’s hair. He smiles at the action, moving even closer to Jack.

“Hi you,” he returns. It’s moments like this that he’s hit with such an adoration for his boyfriend. He tries to keep it down, since it’s still early days, but he’s never felt so strongly about someone before. “What time is it?”

Jack stops, turning over to check his phone, before he continues his actions. “Much later than it should be. I’m supposed to be meeting Charlie for lunch in an hour,” he tells Davey, and Davey feels disappointed that Jack needs to leave so soon. “I wish I could stay here with you forever.”

It’s almost like Jack’s read his mind, so he leans in and presses a kiss on the corner of Jack’s lips, then trailing a line of soft, coaxing kisses across his shoulder, up the side of his neck and then finally all over his cheeks. He sighs happily, wanting to stay in this moment for a little bit longer.

Jack’s phone vibrates, but he doesn’t answer. Instead, he holds onto Davey tightly, resting his head against his chest. It’s a simple action, but god he’s so in love with Jack, he wants to cry. Instead, he presses a kiss onto Jack’s temple. “Shouldn’t you be getting up?”

“Charlie can wait,” Jack says, as if it’s so simple, like the whole world is waiting on them. He likes the sound of that, so he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he presses his lips to Jack’s again, letting himself melt into it. “I’m always going to want to want to kiss you. I’d kiss you the entire morning if I could.”

Davey smiles at this, wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck, bringing him closer. “We have all morning.”

~

They don’t stay there all morning, but Jack does end up getting into town twenty minutes later than planned. The photos he’s sent of a pouting Charlie should make him feel guilty, but he’s smart enough to realise that it won’t be the last time it’s going to happen.

He’s still lying in bed, when the alarm on his phone starts to ring, reminding him to take his medication. He gets up, stretching his tired limbs, and makes his way to the bathroom cabinet. He switches the light on, and grabs the bottle of antidepressants that he’s been dependent on for much too long. He swallows a pill down, his eyes falling onto the reflection standing in front of him in the mirror, almost like he’s waiting to see the difference. It’s never there.

He’s still Davey, every single detail about him is the exact same, except for a hickey on his neck that Jack had left on him before he had left. He wonders if Jack knew he had to take these, would he still see Davey the same way? He’s never told anyone about this part of life, not even his family, and he’s almost afraid that little parts will start to unravel once the truth is out there.

He screws the lid of the bottle shut, pushing it back into the cabinet.

A pill a day is all it takes, his doctor used to tell him. Things get better. It’s all about consistency. Take your meds. Track your moods. Stick to your habits. Don’t let yourself feel too much. Be rational, but don’t let the bad days get you down. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Sometimes, it gets a little suffocating.

Today’s one of those days.

He shuts the cabinet door, and makes his way back to bed.

~

When Jack comes back, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he crawls into bed beside Davey. Jack doesn’t push, instead he tells him all about Charlie and everything they had gotten up to. He listens to every word, lets the sound of Jack’s voice drift him into a peaceful slumber.

He can feel Jack’s ragged breathing against his cheek and his own rapid pulse in his temples and it’s so dizzying, all the sensations, and so new, and so familiar.

Jack kisses him like he wants to tell him something, and Davey kisses him back.

~

It takes him a while to get out of bed again, and then it takes him another while to take a shower and get dressed and when he tries to style his hair, Jack messes it up for him with one swift movement and then peppers his face with little kisses until his frown goes away.

”I hate you,” he tells him, and Jack snorts.

”That’s not what you were saying last night,” he mutters, raising his eyebrows suggestively, and it’s enough to make Davey blush, and Jack cackles, delighted.

He likes moments like this, because he feels less lonely. Jack doesn’t understand everything yet, but it’s okay. Because Jack’s patient, he doesn’t demand answers to questions that are swirling above their heads and he doesn’t expect too much of Davey. In this moment, he’s not entirely happy. But it’s a start, and he knows he’ll have Jack by his side, which makes him feel stronger than he has for a while.

When he steals a glance at him in the mirror, Jack is smiling at him. He turns, taking in the sight of his boyfriend in front of him. He takes his hand, tangles their fingers together, and presses a kiss to his temple.

Outside, the world carries on without them.