Tumgik
#me? finishing a series of works years after ditching them to rot? it's more likely than you'd think!
d-ama-ien · 1 year
Link
Heyyyyy it’s been like four years but I finally wrote a conclusion to my Google Whump series. Check it out if you’re interested!
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Markiplier TV (Web Series) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bingiplier/Googleplier (Markiplier TV) Characters: Googleplier (Markiplier TV), Bingiplier (Markiplier TV) Additional Tags: the long awaited comfort part of this hurt/comfort series lol Series: Part 4 of Google's Voice Summary:
The conclusion to the Google's Voice series.
Google learns to process and recover.
2 notes · View notes
sterekhobrienfics · 7 years
Text
Tumblr media
Merry Christmas, Mele Kalikimaka, Vrolijk Kerstfeest, Frohe Weihnachten, Joyeux Noël, Feliz Natal, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad, and everything in between! Since it’s been a realllllllly long time since I’ve updated, here’s several Christmas fics for you guys to indulge in. I hope the Holidays have been spectacular, and that your wildest dreams are coming true. With all of that being said, Happy Reading everyone!
Love, Most Definitely (Series | 23,411 | Teen)
This is a Love Actually AU in several parts. I have taken the couples and storylines from the movie Love Actually and turned each one into a Sterek fic. Each part is separate and stands alone. I have only done three parts so far. I might add other parts in the future, if I find some writing mojo again. Each part is a finished fic in its own.
Holiday Thief (One Shot | 2,489 | General)
“Stiles!”
“Yes, El Capitan?” Stiles replies with a grin, leaning on the desk of the Sheriff, his boss, who also happens to be his father, which means he can get away with a lot (lies, if anything he gets away with less).
The Sheriff gives him an unimpressed look. “We got a call about a suspicious person and possible B&E. You get to go check it out.”
Fairytale Of New York (One Shot | 20,087 | Mature)
In which Stiles and Derek adopt an astronomy club, a bunch of kids, and kind of fall in love along the way, just in time for Christmas.
I wish I had a river (One Shot | 15,588 | Teen)
Derek is the editor of a successful publishing firm, and is horrible to all his employees, including Stiles. On Christmas Eve night, he gets visited by three spirits and has to take a look at his life.  AKA: A Sterek Christmas Carol.
Hearts Will Be Glowing (One Shot | 2,320 | General)
In which there are stupid Christmas songs, misplaced anger, lots of angst, but there are also Derek Hale's hugs, bad movies and hidden popcorn, and maybe that makes Christmas bearable for Stiles.
You’re Driving Me Wild (One Shot | 5,401 | Teen)
Stiles keeps on bumping into Derek. It’s Christmas, there’s a million terrible pick up lines, Derek owns a sex shop, it’s full of tooth-rotting fluff - what more could you ask for? 
Handcuffed for the Holidays (One Shot | 8,474 | Teen)
He is not like this. This is not him. But… he was desperate, and he had just missed an opportunity of a lifetime and had his (who he’s now referring to) douche boyfriend of a little less than a year break up with him right before he was supposed to meet his family, and this kind of attractive guy was there and convenient and…So he kind of accidentally knocked him unconscious and maybe sort of kidnapped him by putting him in his car and driving them both to the rental cabin in the woods his family had gotten for Christmas.
Assholes in Love (One Shot | 3,819 | Teen)
These two assholes can’t figure out what to get each other for Christmas. Their friends are absolutely no help. But it all works out.
It’s A Christmas Thing (One Shot | 7,575 | Not Rated)
Okay, Stiles knows that he’s part of the pack. He does. He is. It just… doesn’t feel like it at the moment. But it’s Christmas, so he sucks it up and proceeds to drown his feelings in sugar cookies. Or, five times Stiles got kissed under the mistletoe, and one time where it actually mattered.
I met Santa once… It was awful (One Shot | 3,603 | Explicit)
Stiles is working at the Mall as an Elf. Derek is the grumpy Santa scaring the kids. A robbery will show that neither Stiles nor Derek are who they’re supposed to be. 
All I Want for Christmas (Is You) (Complete | 9,284 | Mature)
Derek meets Stiles in a department store while shopping for his family, after seeing a little girl crying for her Dad on the floor. They part ways and Derek doesn’t think he’ll see Stiles again. Beacon Hills may not be that big, but it still doesn’t mean he’ll ever run into Stiles, because that’s just not how Derek’s life works. Despite what Erica tries to tell him whenever she can, that sometimes fate can happen, Christmas miracles, whatever, it won’t.
(Or, the one where Stiles is a single dad, Derek falls for him, and Christmas ends up better than Derek expected.)
But, Doctor! (Complete | 30,266 | Mature)
“We had to splint a girl’s leg in a ditch,” Scott says excitedly.
“Bro, you sound way too happy about that,” Stiles complains, opening up his bag and pulling out a Twinkie. Derek removes it from his hand silently and replaces it with an apple. Stiles scowls at him for a second then bites into it, regardless. Derek sits back and lets the group discuss the merits of dramatic lifesaving feats for winning over the ladies. Scott is convinced it’ll help impress Allison; Isaac thinks Scott’s a loser.
Stiles— Stiles is falling asleep on Derek’s shoulder.
Derek’s Christmas Gift (One Shot | 2,417 | Teen)
Stiles had thought doing Secret Santa would be a good way for the pack to spend their first Christmas together, a way for them to bond.
He forgot to take into consideration the fact that his pack mates were a bunch of conniving assholes.
Mistletoe (One shot | 695 | General)
Stiles talks Derek into letting them have there Christmas party at the loft. Derek enjoys it more than he thought he would. 
Santa Hale (One shot | 1,070 | Teen)
Stiles has inappropriate thoughts seeing Derek dressing as Santa for a kids party…
A Christmas Hale (One Shot | 14,298 | Mature)
The boys spend Christmas together. There’s copious amounts of sarcasm, some sharing of emotions and somewhere along the lines feelings develop.
Mistletoe Never Lies (Complete | 19,220 | Mature)
Derek Hale loves his family, he really does. He just wishes they weren’t so determined to set him up. When he finally blurts out that he has a boyfriend, and quickly gives his mother the name of the barista at his local coffee shop as his “boyfriend”, he figures that buys him a little peace. He probably should have been paying attention to the part of the conversation where he agreed to bring Stiles home for Christmas to meet the family.
You Got Us An Ornament (One Shot | 18,044 | Not Rated)
With the Pack out of town for Christmas and his dad and Melissa on the honeymoon they never had, Stiles plans to craft his way through the holidays to distract himself from being alone. When he realizes his plan isn’t as fun by himself, Stiles turns to Derek Hale to help him out as the only other miserable guy left in Beacon Hills at Christmas.Or the one where Stiles loves Pinterest and forces Derek to help him bake ten different cookies and break out his hot gluing skills. 
if i built you in miniature (One Shot | 6,836 | Teen)
Derek quietly loves Christmas and is not afraid to wear the sweaters to show it. He hosts a children’s TV show about science and history, builds model trains, and is painfully awkward. Stiles works in a Hallmark-type store that sells Christmas decorations and model train pieces, and might have an unhealthy appreciation for sweaters. Of course he was going to fall for Derek. Of course he was.
Miss Fanny Bright (One Shot | 2,961 | General)
When Derek doesn’t show up to the pack’s Christmas party, Stiles is determined to drag him out of his funk.
This Is Why We’re Friends (One Shot | 1,101 | Not Rated)
The pack is going to spend their first Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning together. Stiles buys a stupid gift but he’s forgiven when he gives a great gift afterwards.
Or: The christmas ficlet where a lot of fluff ensues, Stiles is being stupid and Derek is a marshmallow.
Krampusnacht (One Shot | 1,881 | General)
“Look if this Krumpet–”
“Krampus!”
“Creature was real, don’t you think I would know about it?”
“I don’t know, Derek! It isn’t like you know everything!”
“There wasn’t anything on a Krampus in the Bestiary.”
“Shut up Scott!” Stiles says flopping down on the couch next to Derek and glumly looking over at the clock on the wall.
Secret Santa (One Shot | 10,866 | Teen)
Stiles was all odd angles and squirming. He shoved words into spaces where they shouldn’t go. He stood his ground when he should have run. He helped and protected Derek and the pack without ever asking for anything in return. Derek found himself wanting a lot of things from Stiles that he hadn’t allowed himself to want from anyone in a long time, which made Stiles feel like a cliff that he was in danger of leaping off of.
Red Against the Snow (Complete | 34,221 | Explicit)
Stiles is trapped for the holidays in the cabin of a strange man/hermit named Derek. A strangely friendly wolf befriends Stiles during his stay. It’s up to the teenager to find out why Derek has secluded himself from society, what the feelings he’s beginning to have means, and what the connection between the mysterious man and the mysterious black wolf is.
Beacon Hills, I Love You (Complete | 20,674 | Teen)
It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees, they’re putting up reindeer and singi–wait, no, that’s a Joni Mitchell song. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Stiles realizes he may have a bit of a crush on Derek; Chris Argent doesn’t know how to Christmas shop; Derek has a family; and Jackson has issues. 
102 notes · View notes
natasha-cole · 7 years
Text
Nat’s Fic Masterlist
Series
Cautionary Fairytale Miniseries- Rob Benedict x Reader- New!
Focus- a Rob x Reader, Chris x Reader collaboration
#1 Crush- a Rob Benedict x Reader series- New!
What Happens in Vegas- a Rob Benedict x Reader series
Worlds Collide- A Billy Moran x Reader series
That’s What Friends Are For- A Rob Benedict x Reader Series- Finished.
They Ain’t You- 6 part Rob x Reader miniseries
Hey Bartender Series- Rob Benedict x Reader- Finished.
Ready Steady Series - Rob Benedict x Reader- Finished, oneshots ongoing
Like the Heart Goes Series- Rob Benedict x Reader, Adam Fergus x Reader- Finished.
Perfectly Imperfect - a Rob x Reader soulmate AU
Perfect Match Part 1: Looking for Love
Summary: Reader has joined an online dating site to get herself out there, and to hopefully get over her crush on the man that she has no chance with. After a few matches, she finds that she has connected with one man in particular on very different levels compared to all her other matches. He could be the one. During a convention weekend, she decides to meet her mystery man for the first time; she just didn’t expect to already know him.
Rob Benedict Oneshots:
Best Idea You Ever Had
Summary: Reader finds herself thinking about Rob’s tongue… it may get her into an interesting situation. Smut. That is all.
Cool If I Come Over
This is a songfic I guess, and completely unedited as I just challenged myself to write straight through without stopping. I was listening to Cool If I Come Over and just started writing. I’m also trying to get used to writing short stories, so this was difficult for me.
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Summary: You and Rob only meant to get back at your friends for the years of jokes and teasing they put you through. When you agreed to help Rob, you didn’t realize he’d take it this far.
Reunion
Summary: She isn’t sure she can keep holding on to a love that comes and goes. Maybe he can remind her why it’s worth holding on to.
We’re Just Friends
Summary: She knows that they’re just friends; but between the subtle flirting and that brown leather jacket, she’s having a hard time keeping her real feelings locked up.
One Moment
Summary: Sometimes, you only get one moment. Will he make the most of the one he has?
Reason to Love L.A.
Summary: Rob lives in L.A., Reader is from a small town. Long distance relationships are hard to work through, but maybe he can convince her that L.A. might have more to offer her.
Magnolias and Whiskey
Summary: It’s a perfect day for a wedding.
Magnolias and Whiskey Part 2
When You Look Like That
Summary: Rob and Reader have been dating. A lot. Rob has remained such a gentleman; conversation, compliments, and kisses on the cheek. Reader knows he’s awkward and nervous, he can’t help that he’s moving so slow. So she decides to take matters into her own hands.
Came Here to Forget
Summary: Reader is still reeling after a breakup. So is her friend, Rob. Self-medicating helps, but maybe all they really need is each other.
Kiss Me Like a Stranger
Summary: Rob meets a beautiful woman at a bar, thinking he has no chance in hell with her. He offers her a little conversation and a little flirting. He never thought he’d get this lucky though.
This Could Be Fun
Summary: An adventure on an inflatable lounger does not go as planned.
Aloha, Beautiful
Summary: Reader attends Hawaii con and makes a point of lei’ing Rob, in more ways than one.
Wet
Summary: Reader looks forward to a relaxing shower. Rob has some other ideas in mind.
Say You Love Me
Summary: Rob is really into the Reader, but she and Rich are so obviously crazy about each other. Will a game of Truth or Dare reveal something else? 
This Winter’s Night
Summary: Reader is cold, and Rob knows just what to do to warm her up. (P.S. this is not at all smutty like the summary makes it sound! It was tough to not make it smutty too…)
Birthday Surprise
Summary: Reader’s December birthday is always overlooked because of the holidays. This year, even Rob seems to have forgotten.
Unwrapped
Summary: Reader is feeling a bit frisky in her holiday lingerie. She has no one in particular to wear it for; until she accidentally sends sexy pictures to the wrong person.
Blue Christmas
Summary: What do you get when you mix Elvis, mistletoe, and a slow dance? Tooth rotting fluff with no point, that’s what. 
One More Gift
Summary: Rob’s gift wrapping is sort of annoying. But, it’s what’s inside that counts.
It’s Complicated
Summary: It’s New Years; and you are reflecting on how much you really just can’t stand Rob Benedict.
I Hate Love Songs
Summary: You hate all things romantic. Well, most things anyway.
Take a Drunk Girl Home
Summary: Drunken flirting is never a good idea. Hopefully Rob can make the right decision when Reader makes him an offer.
Roll Me Over
Summary: Reader is talked into checking out a band that she’s never heard of before. Who knew she’d be checking out the mysterious lead singer too, and that it would lead to a night she won’t forget?
The Best Medicine
Summary: Reader is sick. All she needs is a little TLC from Rob.
Room For One More
Summary: Rob comes home to reader having a bath and decides to climb in too.
Be Gentle
Summary: A short ficlet for a request about Rob’s floppy hair.
First Time for Everything
Summary: Rob is feeling like a failure. He’s certain he’s the worst husband ever and an even worse father for missing literally every big moment in his child’s life. A little surprise could turn his entire weekend around though.
365 Days
Summary: There were 365 declarations of love. One for every day he’s known her.
You Ruin Me
Summary: Reader has some strange kinks… Rob is happy to partake.
Not Interested
Summary: Reader is just trying to enjoy a night out with her friends. She may also be trying to get the attention of Rob, who happens to be painfully shy around Reader. When Reader finds herself in a scary situation with a stranger at the bar, Rob’s usual awkwardness is pushed aside when he feels the need to protect Reader.
I’ve Got You
Summary: Reader is generally clumsy. She just hoped she could avoid showing that side of herself to her crush. However, one bad injury and one damaged ego later; maybe she’s feeling okay with Rob witnessing her clumsiness.
Prowlin’
Summary: A newly single Rob is on the prowl for a hook-up. He didn’t realize that the one-night stand that he chose for the night was going to end up being Briana’s younger sister.
What Went Wrong?
Summary: After a really bad date, Reader turns to the only person who will answer his phone. Unfortunately, she and Rob have a past; a past that he hasn’t moved on from, and neither has she. A long car ride allows them to reconnect and maybe figure out where they went wrong in the first place.
Sweet Talker
Summary: A first date on Valentine’s Day is not the time to lose your voice. Luckily, Rob finds another way to converse with his date.
It’s The Little Things
Summary: Reader is having a terrible weekend at con. Nothing is going right and she feels like a failure at every thing she does. Rob makes it his mission to do nice things for her; giving her little gifts and compliments when he sees that she’s feeling down. Little does Rob know, it’s those small gestures that turn everything around.
Baseball and Boo-Boos
Summary: Green room baseball almost always ends in property damage and fights; no one expected that this round would end this way though.
Surprise?
Summary: It’s Reader’s birthday! There’s some miscommunication on exactly what the surprise is supposed to be.
Unplanned
Summary: Rob has big plans for his future with Reader. When those plans get derailed, Reader surprises him with something completely unplanned.
Let Me Show You How It’s Done
Summary: Reader is tired of watching Rob’s on-again, off-again girlfriend string him along and hurt him. Worried that he’ll end up taking her back, yet again, she decides that it’s time for someone to show him what he’s missing out on.
Breakup Sex
Summary: Reader isn’t even sad about catching her boyfriend cheating on her. She’s angry. Mostly she’s angry about the time wasted on him when she could have been with someone else.
Excuses
Summary: Reader has a lot of excuses for avoiding the way she feels about Rob. She shares her feelings through song during a performance, which prompts Rob to finally call her out.
Dirty Little Secret
Summary: Reader has been Rob’s dirty little secret for some time now. Something has to change.
Neglected
Summary: Reader is busy. She knows she’s been neglecting Rob lately, so maybe she can forget her responsibilities for one night.
Waiting For You
Summary: Rob and Reader have an agreement. They are each other’s fake boyfriend/girlfriend when they need help ditching people who are getting too close. Rob seems to be abusing the privilege though, and Reader just might want something more.
Chuck Shurley Oneshots
You Saved Me
Chuck Shurley x OFC request
Will You Still Love Me?
Summary: Can love really last a lifetime? What happens when years pass, looks fade, and youth becomes a long lost memory? Does all of that matter if your true love happens to be God?
Little Red and The Frog Prophet
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a fierce hunter who was feared by every monster that encountered her. It was in her nature to hunt; but she is assigned the job of babysitting the Prophet Chuck to protect him from Heaven and Hell. While Chuck writes the Winchester Gospels, reader finds solace in a collection of fairy tales that she often reads out loud to Chuck on particularly boring evenings. She wakes up one night to find that she has slipped into some sort of mixed up fairy tale dream that she can’t get out of. Is it a spell? Or is it a trick that’s keeping her here?
I’ve Never...
Summary: Reader takes Chuck to the beach for some R&R.
Wake Up
Summary: Reader has the ideal life with Chuck; they are together, their friends are happy, life is perfect. She feels like she’s forgotten something though… something that could shatter the perfect world that she lives in.
It’s All About the Follow-Through
Chuck Shurley AU
Summary: Chuck works at a fancy golf course. He’s used to the stuffy old people that come through the course regularly; but one day, a young, pretty girl shows up and Chuck is sure she has no business being there. But, she’s not what he expected at all, and maybe she’s got a lot that she can teach him.
Not Rob Benedict Oneshots
Captchas Are a Bitch
Summary: The whole Robot Mike thing is just a joke, right?
Who Said You’d Be Alone on New Years? 
Summary: Reader gets sick on New Years Eve. Maybe it won’t derail her plans with Billy too much though.
My Brother’s Best Friend
Summary: Reader is Rob’s little sister. She happens to be dating Billy, much to Rob’s dismay… but he better get used to having Billy around.
Divorce and Dating 101
Summary: Dating is difficult. It’s even more difficult when you’re an adult who has forgotten how to date. Reader and Rich have been carefully navigating their relationship secretly; a relationship that Rich wants to be more open with. Reader reflects on the difficulties of her divorce, her friends constant insistence on setting her up with random men, and the moment that she found what she didn’t know she was missing.
Kittens, Crayons, and Coffee
Summary: Rich is pretty crazy about Y/N. The possibility of dating her is a bit scary, especially since she’s a single mom and he has no idea how to handle kids. When Y/N asks for Rich’s help when she is in a bind; Rich finds himself at her house, babysitting her young daughter. He figures he can gain points if he’s involved with the kid. The sweet little girl he’s fairly familiar with however; thinks she’s a cat 90% of the time, has a knack for drawing on things that she shouldn’t, and likes to terrorize her babysitters.
How’s the Weather Up There?
Summary: Rich doesn’t quite measure up to his crush. No, really. She’s a lot taller than he is.
Crazy Love
Summary: Billy is willing to move out of his comfort zone if it means being able to show Reader what she means to him.
Just a Kiss
Summary: Reader has finally agreed to perform at SNS with the band and she’s a nervous wreck. Since Rob is too busy to rehearse with her, Billy is there to at least play guitar and help her through it. A private rehearsal between the two leads to an unexpected duet and an even more unexpected connection.
Here Come the Snakes (Seeing is Believing)
A Louden Swain/ Supernatural crossover?… AU?… I don’t even know, my dudes.
Summary: Louden Swain perform their much coveted song, Here Come the Snakes, to a club filled with fans. Little did they know; Billy’s sweet guitar riffs, coupled with the hypnotizing kazoo solo later in the show; they would end up summoning demon snakes from Hell. Now, the band and their fans are trapped, unable to escape the venue as the snakes terrorize and begin to claim lives. It just so happens that Sam, Dean, and Castiel are in the neighborhood on a case when they hear the screams coming from within the club. Castiel knows exactly how to exorcise the demon snakes; but it’s going to require cooperation from a terrified band that only wanted to rock.
200 Writing Prompts List Challenges
#93 with Rich- “Are you high?”
#16 with Rob- “I never meant to hurt you.”
92&49 with Rob- #92- “Are you drunk?”#49- “Let’s have a baby.”
#77 “Are you jealous?”
#162 “Make me.”
Random Drabbles
My Marks Suit You
You look too good from behind
This is what you wanted
I think I love you
Bad dream
how are you gonna reach me?
Were you ever going to tell me?- Matt
Are you wearing my shirt?
You deserve better
We can’t keep doing this
God bless that ass
you knew who I was
Were you ever going to tell me?- Rich
I think I know how to use a bed
Take something off
Just kiss me
Stay the night
Called it, fucker
Shut your mouth
You are infuriating
203 notes · View notes
bholenathvalsan · 5 years
Text
Horror Universe Building
Tumblr media
With the advent of broadband internet, I started to lose interest in reading horror fiction. Somewhat, audiovisual media took over and I ended up reading horror comics and watching horror TV series and horror movies.
Still, I always thought that horror fiction was a great art to make if one had like I think I have, capacity for universe building.
Wrong Approach to Universe Building
Tumblr media
I’m going to confess something in this post. I did something, that one of the horror masters (can’t remember who exactly) said one should never do.
I itemized Lovecraft’s tales, in a database that had a separate record for every element in HPL’s universe. It had one entry per tale, and in each entry, I separated the records by type.
I don’t remember all the categories I had. I’ll see how many I recall, right off the top of my memory:
Word Count
Paragraphs
Memorable Passages
Locations
Characters
Time-frames
Cults
Deities
Monsters
Books Mentioned
Civilizations
The idea was to find out how many of each Lovecraft had used in his universe. Another purpose was to see the bare facts of each tale. That, to know the quantity and balance between the elements that made either a good/memorable story or a bad/underwhelming one.
Many could disagree with me, in what I think. That Lovecraft’s mythopoetic work is one of the coolest, self-contained fictional horror universes. I know they could attack that statement with a hundred or more arguments.
Examples would be:
That he was an amateur writer
That he was xenophobic and-or racist
That he was too fond of archaic words
That his prose was to sesquipedalian
...the list can go on and on. I can only say that while tastes are personal, it’s undeniable that the preference for something old and conceptual like Lovecraft’s legacy is there, in a certain portion of the audience for horror genre fiction.
Especially the HPL crowd itself. It’s a crowd that has my admiration.
Horror searchers could gloat over the fact that a thing like the Lovecraft’s cosmic horrors can be created and then translated to the screen. They can envy his creativeness and think how cool it could be to create something like it. The fact is that there are just a few things that are comparable in scope to it.
The HPL Historical Society achieved something tangible, using a non-commercial aesthetic and an approach detached from the market that takes after Howard himself. Something that, by the way, is a delight to watch.
youtube
Why did I Disaggregate HPL’s Tales?
When I did that, I thought that it would help me to become a horror writer. That having the broken down numbers of a horror universe will give me a magic measure by which I could create something comparable.
In fact, as I continued to read and de-gloss Lovecraft’s tales, the years passed too fast. I didn’t read HPL in a considerable amount of time. It took me seven years to read all of his tales. Maybe a fifth of them went into that database.
I felt that I couldn’t accept that I had changed. That horror fiction didn’t have the pull that it used to have with me. That I rather watch a horror movie or read a horror comic than investing the time, attention and imagination that horror fiction reading takes.
Giving Up
Tumblr media
My giving up finally came last year. I felt that it was then or never, that I had to start working really hard if I still wanted to dabble in horror fiction.
My initial plan was to write only short fiction, not novels. But I found out something that made me decide to ditch the project of becoming a horror fiction writer.
I had a biased, unrealistic concept of horror fiction readers. I thought that the gender distribution was more or less even. Or that maybe there were more female horror fiction readers than male. Which in fact was not so?
Since I started considering to write horror tales, I thought that because modern horror was kick-started by a woman, and targeted to women when it was new, that things had not changed much since then.
I did market research to find my target audience. When I did it, I found out that only 20% of horror fiction readers are female. This made me lose interest. Besides, I’ll never forget when I read Stephen King’s “The Stand”.
When I read “The Stand” I was starting to watch movies, most of them horror, on a very consistent, everyday basis. It took me almost a whole Summer to start and finish that novel.
While it was entertaining while it lasted, the resolution’s payload was underwhelming, and I felt very disappointed when I ended it.
I repeat, it was fun to read it while it lasted, especially after the setting achieves the critical mass of rotting corpses victims of Captain Tripps
It might have disappointed me, but at the end of the day, we should see that story for what it is, anyway. On the whole, it’s not that bad. It’s a death-apocalypse story.
While Stephen King was trying to write his own Lord of The Rings, for me, it was the what-if of a hypothetical death apocalypse. A kind of missing link between any apocalyptic tale and a full-blow zombie apocalypse horror story.
As the horror counterpart to The Lord of The Rings, it’s quite effective. Randall Flag, the Sauron of The Stand is very well done and has a high potential of creeping the reader out.
But even if that tome is all that, when I was reading it, and when I saw what a little progress I was doing, that ending it was an evasive dream, and taking on account the time investment it took, I decided I had changed.
Image Credits:
Julius Jääskeläinen  Darksouls1  Waldkunst Drakonia LadyOnia
0 notes
lesbianrewrites · 8 years
Text
The Martian Chapter 13
*disclaimer* This is a project done for fun, and none of these characters/works belong to me. I do not claim to own any of the material on this page.
This is a Lesbian edit of The Martian by Andy Weir.
Chapters will be posted every day at 2pm EST.
Google doc version can be found here. The chapter can also be found under the cut. Enjoy!
CHAPTER XIII
The employees of Deyo Plastics worked double shifts. There was talk of triple shifts if NASA increased the order again. No one minded. The overtime pay was spectacular and the funding was limitless. Woven carbon thread ran slowly through the press, which sandwiched it between polymer sheets. The completed material was folded four times and glued together. The resulting thick sheet was then coated with soft resin, and taken to the hot-room to set.
LOG ENTRY: SOL 114 Now that NASA can talk to me, they won’t shut the hell up. They want constant updates on every Hab system, and they’ve got a room full of people trying to micromanage my crops. It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet. One big bonus: Email! Just like the days back on Hermes, I get data dumps. Of course they relay email from friends and family, but NASA also sends along choice messages from the public. I’ve gotten email from rock stars, athletes, actors and actresses, and even the President. The coolest one is from my alma-mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong! I go to the rover five times a day to check mail. They can get a message from Earth to Mars, but they can’t get it another 10 meters to the Hab. But hey, I can’t bitch. My odds of living through this are way higher now. Last I heard, they solved the weight problem on Ares 4’s MDV. Once it lands here, they’ll ditch the heat shield, all the life support stuff, and a bunch of empty fuel tanks. Then they can take the seven of us (Ares 4’s crew plus me) all the way to Schiaparelli. They’re already working on my duties for the surface ops. How cool is that? In other news, I’m learning Morse Code. Why? Because it’s our back-up communication system. NASA figured a decades-old probe isn’t ideal as a sole means of communication. If Pathfinder craps out, I’ll spell messages with rocks, which NASA will see with satellites. They can’t reply, but at least we’d have one-way communication. Why Morse Code? Because making dots and dashes with rocks is a lot easier than making letters. It’s a shitty way to communicate. Hopefully it won’t come up.
All chemical reactions complete, the sheet was sterilized and moved to a cleanroom. There, a worker cut a strip off the edge. Dividing the strip in to squares, he put each through a series of rigorous tests. Having passed inspection, the sheet was then cut to shape. The edges were folded over, sewn, and resealed with resin. A man with a clipboard made final inspections, independently verifying the measurements, then approved it for use.
LOG ENTRY: SOL 115 The meddling botanists have grudgingly admitted I did a good job. They agree I’ll have enough food to last till Sol 900. Bearing that in mind, NASA has fleshed out the mission details of the supply probe. At first, they were working on a desperate plan to get a probe here before Sol 400. But I bought another 500 sols of life with my potato farm so they have more time to work on it. They’ll launch next year during the Hohmann Transfer Window, and it’ll take almost 9 months to get here. It should arrive around Sol 856. It’ll have plenty of food, a spare Oxygenator, Water Reclaimer, and comm system. Three comm systems, actually. I guess they aren’t taking any chances, what with my habit of being nearby when radios break. Got my first email from Hermes today. NASA’s been limiting direct contact. I guess they’re afraid I’ll say something like “You abandoned me on Mars you fuckwits!” I know the crew is surprised to hear from the Ghost of Mars Missions Past, but c’mon. I wish NASA was less of a nanny sometimes. Anyway, they finally let one email through from Martinez: Dear Watney: Sorry we left you behind, but we don't like you. You're sort of a smart-ass. And it's a lot roomier on Hermes without you. We have to take turns doing your tasks, but it's only botany (not real science) so it's easy. How's Mars? -Martinez My reply: Dear Martinez: Mars is fine. When I get lonely I think of that steamy night I spent with your mom. How are things on Hermes? Cramped and claustrophobic? Yesterday I went outside and looked at the vast horizons. I tell ya, Martinez, they go on forever! -Watney
The employees carefully folded the sheet, and placed it in an argon-filled airtight shipping container. Printing out a sticker, the man with the clipboard placed it on the package. “Project Ares-3; Hab Canvas; Sheet AL102.” The package was placed on a charter plane and flown to Edwards Air Force Base in California. It flew abnormally high, at great cost of fuel, to ensure a smoother flight. Upon arrival, the package was carefully transported by special convoy to Pasadena. Once there, it was moved to the JPL White Room for probe assembly. Over the next 5 weeks, engineers in white bodysuits assembled Presupply 309. It contained AL102 as well as 12 other Hab Canvas packages.
LOG ENTRY: SOL 116 It’s almost time for the second harvest. Ayup. I wish I had a straw hat and some suspenders. My re-seed of the potatoes went well. I'm beginning to see that crops on Mars are extremely prolific, thanks to the billions of dollars worth of life support equipment around me. I now have 400 healthy potato plants, each one making lots of calorie-filled taters for my dining enjoyment. In just ten days they’ll be ripe! And this time, I’m not replanting them as seed. This is my food supply. All natural, organic, Martian-grown potatoes. Don’t hear that every day, do you? You may be wondering how I’ll store them. I can’t just pile them up; most of them would go bad before I got around to eating them. So instead, I’ll do something that wouldn’t work at all on Earth: Throw them outside. Most of the water will be sucked out by the near-vacuum; what’s left will freeze solid. Any bacteria planning to rot my taters will die screaming. In other news, I got email from Venkat Kapoor: Maia, some answers to your earlier questions: No, we will not tell our Botany Team to “Go fuck themselves.” I understand you’ve been on your own for a long time, but we’re in the loop now, and it’s best if you listen to what we have to say. The Cubs finished the season at the bottom of the NL Central. The data transfer rate just isn’t good enough for the size of music files, even in compressed formats. So your request for “Anything, oh god ANYTHING but Disco” is denied. Enjoy your boogie fever. Also, an uncomfortable side note... NASA is putting together a committee. They want to see if there were any avoidable mistakes that led you to being stranded. Just a heads-up. They may have questions for you later on. Keep us posted on your activities. -Kapoor My reply: Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch-hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. -Watney
The presupply probes for Ares-3 launched on 14 consecutive days during the Hohmann Transfer window. Presupply 309 was launched third. The 251 day trip to Mars was uneventful, needing only two minor course adjustments. After several aerobraking maneuvers to slow down, it made its final descent toward Acidalia Planitia. First, it endured reentry via a heat shield. Later, it released a parachute and detached the now expended shield. Once its onboard radar detected it was 30 meters from the ground, it cut loose the parachute and inflated balloons all around its hull. It fell unceremoniously to the surface, bouncing and rolling, until it finally came to rest. Deflating its balloons, the onboard computer reported the successful landing back to Earth.
LOG ENTRY: SOL 117 The Water Reclaimer is acting up. Six people will go through 18 liters of water per day. So it’s made to process 20. But lately, it hasn’t been keeping up. It’s doing 10, tops. Do I generate 10 liters of water per day? No, I’m not the urinating champion of all time. It’s the crops. The humidity inside the Hab is a lot higher than it was designed for, so the Water Reclaimer is constantly filtering it out of the air. I’m not worried about it. Water is water. The plants use it, I use it. If need be, I can piss on the plants directly. It’ll evaporate and condense on the walls. I could make something to collect it, I’m sure. Thing is, the water can’t go anywhere. It’s a closed system. Plus, I made like 600 liters from MDV fuel (remember the “explosive Hab” incident?). I could take baths and still have plenty left over. NASA, however, is absolutely shitting itself. They see the Water Reclaimer as a critical survival element. There’s no backup, and they think I’ll die instantly without it. To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.” So instead of preparing for my harvest, I have to make extra trips to and from the rover to answer their questions. Each new message instructs me to try some new solution and report the results back. So far we’ve worked out it’s not the electronics, refrigeration system, instrumentation, or temperature. I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have 4 hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.
Lewis and Beck opened Presupply 309. Working as best they could in their bulky EVA suits, they removed the various portions of Hab canvas and lay them on the ground. Three entire presupply probes were dedicated to the Hab. Following a procedure they had practiced hundreds of times, they efficiently assembled the pieces. Special seal-strips between the patches ensured air-tight mating. After erecting the main structure of the Hab, they assembled the three airlocks. Sheet AL102 had a hole perfectly sized for Airlock 1. Beck  stretched the sheet tight to the seal-strips on the airlock’s exterior. Once all airlocks were in place, Lewis flooded the Hab with air and AL102 felt pressure for the first time. They waited an hour. No pressure was lost; the setup had been perfect.
LOG ENTRY: SOL 118 My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I’ll paraphrase it for you: Me: “This is obviously a clog. How about I take the it apart and check the internal tubing?” NASA: (After 5 hours of deliberation) “No. You’ll fuck it up and die.” So I took it apart. Yeah, I know. NASA has a lot of ultra-smart people and I should really do what they say. And I’m being too adversarial, considering they spend all day working on how to save my life. I just get sick of being told how to wipe my ass. Independence was one of the things they looked for when choosing Ares astronauts. It’s a 13-month mission, most of it spent many light-minutes away from Earth. They wanted people who would act on their own initiative, but at the same time, obey their Commander. If Commander Lewis were here, I’d do whatever she said, no problem. But a committee of faceless bureaucrats back on Earth? Sorry, I’m just having a tough time with it. I was really careful. I labeled every piece as I dismantled it, and laid everything out on a table. I have the schematics in the computer, so nothing was a surprise. And just as I’d suspected, there was a clogged tube. The Water Reclaimer was designed to purify urine and strain humidity out of the air (you exhale almost as much water as you piss). I’ve mixed my water with soil, making it mineral water. The minerals built up in the Water Reclaimer. I cleaned out the tubing and put it all back together. It completely solved the problem. I’ll have to do it again some day, but not for 100 sols or so. No big deal. I told NASA what I did. Our (paraphrased) conversation was: Me: “I took it apart, found the problem, and fixed it.” NASA: “Dick.”
AL102 shuddered in the brutal storm. Withstanding forces and pressure far greater than its design, it rippled violently against the airlock seal-strip. Other sections of canvas undulated along their seal-strips together, acting as a single sheet, but AL102 had no such luxury. The airlock barely moved, leaving AL102 to take the full force of the tempest. The layers of plastic, constantly bending, heated the resin from pure friction. The new, more yielding environment allowed the carbon fibers to separate. AL102 stretched. Not much. Only 4 millimeters. But the carbon fibers, usually 500 microns apart, now had a gap eight times that width in their midst. After the storm abated, the lone remaining astronaut performed a full inspection of the Hab. But she didn’t notice anything amiss. The weak part of canvas was concealed by a seal-strip. Designed for a mission of 31 sols, AL102 continued well past its planned expiration. Sol after sol went by, with the lone astronaut traveling in and out of the Hab almost daily. Airlock 1 was closest to the rover charging station, so the astronaut preferred it to the other two. When pressurized, the airlock expanded slightly; when depressurized, it shrunk. Every time the astronaut used the airlock, the strain on AL102 relaxed, then tightened anew. Pulling, stressing, weakening, stretching…
LOG ENTRY: SOL 119 I woke up last night to the Hab shaking. The medium-grade sandstorm ended as suddenly as it began. It was only a category 3 storm with 50kph winds. Nothing to worry about. Still, it’s bit disconcerting to hear howling winds when you’re used to utter silence. I’m worried about Pathfinder. If the sandstorm damaged it, I’ll have lost my connection to NASA. Logically, I shouldn’t worry. The thing’s been on the surface for decades. A little gale won’t do any harm. When I head outside, I’ll confirm Pathfinder’s still functional before moving on to the sweaty, annoying work of the day. Yes, with each sandstorm comes the inevitable Cleaning of the Solar Cells. A time honored tradition by hearty Martians such as myself. It reminds me of growing up in Chicago and having to shovel snow. I’ll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. “Snow-blowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” She suggested. In other news, It’s seven sols till the harvest, and I still haven’t prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can’t just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause The Great Martian Potato Migration. Anyway, all that will have to wait. I’ve got a full day today. After cleaning the solar cells, I have to check the whole solar array make sure the storm didn’t hurt it. Then I’ll need to do the same for the rover. I better get started.
Airlock 1 slowly depressurized to 1/90th of an atmosphere. Watney, donning an EVA suit, waited for it to complete. She had done it literally hundreds of times. Any apprehension she may have had on Sol 1 was long gone. Now it was merely a boring chore before exiting to the surface. As the depressurization continued, the Hab’s atmosphere compressed the airlock and AL102 stretched for the last time. On Sol 119, the Hab breached. The initial tear was less than 1 millimeter. The perpendicular carbon fibers should have prevented the rip from growing. But countless abuses had stretched the vertical fibers apart and weakened the horizontal ones beyond use. The full force of the Hab’s atmosphere rushed through the breach. Within a tenth of a second, the rip was a meter long, running parallel to the seal-strip. It propagated all the way around until it met its starting point. The airlock was no longer attached to the Hab. The unopposed pressure violently launched the airlock like a cannonball as the Hab exploded. Inside, the surprised Watney slammed against the airlock’s back door with the force of the expulsion. The airlock flew 40 meters before hitting the ground. Watney, barely recovered from the earlier shock, now endured another as she hit the front door, face first. Her faceplate took the brunt of the blow, the safety glass shattering into hundreds of small cubes. Her head slammed against the inside of the helmet, knocking her senseless. The airlock tumbled across the surface for a further 15 meters. The heavy padding of Watney’s suit saved her from many broken bones. She tried to make sense of the situation, but was barely conscious. Finally done tumbling, the airlock rested on its side amid a cloud of dust. Watney, on her back, stared blankly upward through the hole in her shattered faceplate. A gash in her forehead trickled blood down her face. Regaining some of her wits, she got her bearings. Turning her head to the side, she looked through the back door’s window. The collapsed Hab rippled in the distance, a junkyard of debris strewn across the landscape in front of it. Then, a hissing sound reached her ears. Listening carefully, she realized it was not coming from her suit. Somewhere in the phone-booth sized airlock, a small breach was letting air escape. She listened intently to the hiss. Then she touched her broken faceplate. Then she looked out the window again. “You fucking kidding me?” She said.
2 notes · View notes
benjamingarden · 6 years
Text
This Month On The Farm: July 2018 - Garden Updates (plus a plan!), Kitchen Updates, Answers To A Business Question Many Of You Have Asked Me About, And More!
Jack
Oh my.  It was a HOT start to the month.  We had a 6-day stretch of upper 90's to low 100's + full on "oppressive" humidity weather to kick it off.  It was, in one word, miserable.
It's generally been quite a hot and humid summer and you can see it in the garden.  The few times we've been the lucky recipient of rain, thankfully, we've received quite a bit, but it was very inconsistent and partnered with scorching hot temp's during the stretches between rain showers.  There's proof of it in the summer squash with some of the little fruit getting rot as well as in the cukes with deformity on a good handful. The Garden Despite the oppressive summer, the garden continues to do well.  We are even still collecting sugar snap peas from our very generous, albeit little, patch!  I can't believe it.  Usually by now they turn hard and lose their sweetness but for some reason it's working out well this year.  The potatoes are about ready to begin harvesting, we've been swimming in green beans the last 2 weeks (hooray for that!), the cukes are ripening slowly, which is ideal, so we are able to keep up with them, and the broccoli is ready to begin harvesting. I (again) forgot to net the elderberries, so the birds have feasted on a good portion of them.  It will still leave me quite a few to dry now that they are ripe, so for that I'm grateful.  I hope to remember to net them after they flower next year. Summer squash has had a few issues, but it's looking good and we are harvesting a LOT of tomatoes (stinks now that I'm not eating tomatoes.....).  The peppers are getting big and the little sweets are ripening as if on cue, because I am now out of frozen peppers from last year's garden.  Did I tell you we had some surprise kohlrabi?  I didn't mean to plant the seeds, they must have gotten into my broccoli seed packet by accident.  So, surprise!!  They are delicious. If you’re just tuning in, this is a brand new ongoing series in which I document each month of our lives in our transition to a simple, homemade life on a modern homestead. We ditched town and moved to the country in 2008 and we blog about both our successful and not-so-successful ventures in homesteading, switching to natural products, and embracing a whole foods lifestyle.  Check out the entire series here.
elderberries
I have plans to get our garden space fenced in this year so I can grow carrots and cabbage again without rabbits and woodchucks feasting.  It would also be fantastic to get beans from all of the plants rather than seeing half of them eaten (the plants, not the beans) with just stems pointing toward the sky as proof of what could have been.  We just need to do it, regardless of whether or not there is time.  You can always find time if you prioritize and I have declared this the priority for fall.  A little bit of resistance was had but we are now both on the same page.
notice the "sticks"?
I am excited. I am also trying to convince the "handy man" that I need a small greenhouse space.  I would, ideally, like to convert the current garden shed into a bit of a greenhouse for seed starting.  Communication regarding this project has (temporarily) halted.  I'll give it time to roll around in his head before I push.  Again.
I took this photo during my blueberry jam-making session.  Nope, we are not interested in the "open cabinet" look.  Rather, they've been removed for painting and I have never seen them again.....maybe in the fall?
Projects And Such Projects continue to be on hold until fall.  We've prioritized what we'll be doing as soon as we have a couple of weeks to devote to them.  So, this means the kitchen is still not finished.  The last of the project is to paint the kitchen as well as all of the cabinets. I've written a bit in our weekly meal plan about excluding nightshades from my diet to try and get ahold of my seasonal allergies.  It's working well. I will try to re-introduce them in another month or so to see if they are a source of inflammation for me or not.  Fingers crossed they are not....
blueberry jam
We were able to freeze a LOT of blueberries in July (plus make jam) as well as quite a bit of cauliflower and broccoli.  I'm hoping to freeze green beans, kale, peppers, onions, carrots, and mirepoix this month.  I freeze mirepoix because I start many soups with the mix and it's just so much easier than chopping carrots, onions and celery every single time. I believe we will try to can tomatoes either this month or next month as well, if we can find a day to do it.  It takes quite a bit of time to process them, so we'll see.  If not, I'll at least oven-dry and/or dehydrate some of the tomatoes and freeze those.  They are great added to sauce later in the year.
can you believe this is one of the chicks?
and another of the chicks!
The Chickens So, I've come to the conclusion that we've increased our flock larger than it should be.  Live and learn, right?  It's an interesting balance, trying to do what's right for the homestead and trying to keep up with egg demand.  Our egg customers tell us time and again that ours are the best eggs they've ever eaten.  Even compared to other local eggs.  I have absolutely no idea why - when they are compared to others who free range, but we are thrilled and grateful to hear it.  So, because of this, and because we run out of eggs within 40 minutes of getting to the farmer's market, we decided to continue increasing the flock. And we were wrong. It's just too much.  It doesn't feel right, it's not the right blend of breeds (we've got quite an ornery group right now) and it can be overwhelming at times.  So, we'll keep them all until the inevitable happens, and won't add for a couple of years.  This, of course, means we will be feeding a lot of girls and get fewer and fewer eggs (egg production typically peaks at 2 years of age and declines thereafter) for a bit, but we've learned. We will then, going forward, stick with Plymouth Barred Rocks and Americauna/Aracaunas.  We may have a few buffs, but no other breeds.  We've always had a flock we've bonded very well with and who have, although they are chickens and have pecking orders, etc., have respectfully lived with each other.  This group has some just downright mean and cranky chickens that are dirtier/messier and louder than any of our previous flocks.  The littles, however, we have bonded very well with, which worries me about when we have to combine the two flocks.  I don't want them to lose their sweetness. The reality is, we don't make any money off of the eggs (because we feed them certified organic feed and still sell the eggs and the same price as non-organic - $4.00/dozen).  So yes, it's our fault, but even if we charged more, we wouldn't make much off of the increase.  We don't have a large enough flock for profit (still), and don't plan to work toward that.  The egg money does, however, pay for all of the chicken's bills (feed, shavings, straw, treats, etc.), and will continue to as the flock decreases (fingers crossed).  We enjoy raising them and are happy we are able to furnish some families with reasonably priced (non-certified) organic eggs.
Emerson (left) and Oliver
Jackson
Oliver, Emerson & Jack Oliver had a bit of a difficult month.  He goes through periods of just not feeling well, which means he doesn't want to eat, is a bit cranky and clingy, and is just downright upset.  It's sooooooo difficult because I have no idea how to help him.  This is the part of having pets that I get frustrated with.  I just hate seeing any animal in pain or not feeling well so when I can't fix it, it's incredibly hard. Both he and Emerson had trips to the vet in July.  Both for eye issues, although on separate weeks and different issues.  Em had a bump at the corner of his eye which, thankfully, went away.  Oliver had what we believe were allergy issues.  Of course!  He's got just about every health issue Frenchie's are known for, so why not allergies too??? And then there's Jack.  He's actually been fairly low-key this month although the periods of thunder we've had (every single week) as well as 2 weeks of fireworks being set off around us are making him a bit gun-shy.  He is such a chicken and so fearful of loud noises.  The poor guy has a lot of pacing time put in this past month.
The Business We are knee-deep in our 1st busy season of the year (the second starts the beginning of October through New Years).  Summer means we are working 7 days a week to keep up with products as well as attending markets and craft shows. I have many of you email me and ask about starting a bath & body business yourself.  I figured I would speak to that a bit here because it's such a common question.  Yes, it's certainly a business that anyone can start.  Similar to some other businesses, the largest 2 hurdles are formulating good products and then finding customers who will buy them.  It's, unfortunately, a very saturated market, so you have to figure out how your products are different and advertise that.  We've had many of our customers start (and end) bath & body product businesses of their own.  Many ended because it's expensive.  You've certainly got overhead in products and packaging.  Others have ended because they can't grow their customer base as quick as they'd hoped.  And still others didn't realize how much work it really is to do everything - formulate, make, package, sell, run a website, ship products, keep the books, and so on. And if you decide to sell wholesale, that's a whole other set of "to-do's". The demands and struggles are not unique to this field, by any means, but because it's "home-based" I think it's looked at as an easier business to get into.  And it can be - as long as you have a realistic view.  If you have a passion for it, are prepared to work for yourself (fully responsible for it and your paycheck) as well as a handful of really good products, you should absolutely consider going into business! I encourage you to keep the questions coming, ask a handful of people currently working in the field for their thoughts as well, and think about all of the struggles shared with you to ensure you are willing (and able) to have a similar experience.
How was your July on your own homestead?
If you would like to see more of our day-to-day, please join us on Instagram.
How was your July?
This Month On The Farm: July 2018 - Garden Updates (plus a plan!), Kitchen Updates, Answers To A Business Question Many Of You Have Asked Me About, And More! was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)
0 notes
benjamingarden · 6 years
Text
This Month On The Farm: July 2018 - Garden Updates (plus a plan!), Kitchen Updates, Answers To A Business Question Many Of You Have Asked Me About, And More!
Jack
Oh my.  It was a HOT start to the month.  We had a 6-day stretch of upper 90's to low 100's + full on "oppressive" humidity weather to kick it off.  It was, in one word, miserable.
It's generally been quite a hot and humid summer and you can see it in the garden.  The few times we've been the lucky recipient of rain, thankfully, we've received quite a bit, but it was very inconsistent and partnered with scorching hot temp's during the stretches between rain showers.  There's proof of it in the summer squash with some of the little fruit getting rot as well as in the cukes with deformity on a good handful. The Garden Despite the oppressive summer, the garden continues to do well.  We are even still collecting sugar snap peas from our very generous, albeit little, patch!  I can't believe it.  Usually by now they turn hard and lose their sweetness but for some reason it's working out well this year.  The potatoes are about ready to begin harvesting, we've been swimming in green beans the last 2 weeks (hooray for that!), the cukes are ripening slowly, which is ideal, so we are able to keep up with them, and the broccoli is ready to begin harvesting. I (again) forgot to net the elderberries, so the birds have feasted on a good portion of them.  It will still leave me quite a few to dry now that they are ripe, so for that I'm grateful.  I hope to remember to net them after they flower next year. Summer squash has had a few issues, but it's looking good and we are harvesting a LOT of tomatoes (stinks now that I'm not eating tomatoes.....).  The peppers are getting big and the little sweets are ripening as if on cue, because I am now out of frozen peppers from last year's garden.  Did I tell you we had some surprise kohlrabi?  I didn't mean to plant the seeds, they must have gotten into my broccoli seed packet by accident.  So, surprise!!  They are delicious. If you’re just tuning in, this is a brand new ongoing series in which I document each month of our lives in our transition to a simple, homemade life on a modern homestead. We ditched town and moved to the country in 2008 and we blog about both our successful and not-so-successful ventures in homesteading, switching to natural products, and embracing a whole foods lifestyle.  Check out the entire series here.
elderberries
I have plans to get our garden space fenced in this year so I can grow carrots and cabbage again without rabbits and woodchucks feasting.  It would also be fantastic to get beans from all of the plants rather than seeing half of them eaten (the plants, not the beans) with just stems pointing toward the sky as proof of what could have been.  We just need to do it, regardless of whether or not there is time.  You can always find time if you prioritize and I have declared this the priority for fall.  A little bit of resistance was had but we are now both on the same page.
notice the "sticks"?
I am excited. I am also trying to convince the "handy man" that I need a small greenhouse space.  I would, ideally, like to convert the current garden shed into a bit of a greenhouse for seed starting.  Communication regarding this project has (temporarily) halted.  I'll give it time to roll around in his head before I push.  Again.
I took this photo during my blueberry jam-making session.  Nope, we are not interested in the "open cabinet" look.  Rather, they've been removed for painting and I have never seen them again.....maybe in the fall?
Projects And Such Projects continue to be on hold until fall.  We've prioritized what we'll be doing as soon as we have a couple of weeks to devote to them.  So, this means the kitchen is still not finished.  The last of the project is to paint the kitchen as well as all of the cabinets. I've written a bit in our weekly meal plan about excluding nightshades from my diet to try and get ahold of my seasonal allergies.  It's working well. I will try to re-introduce them in another month or so to see if they are a source of inflammation for me or not.  Fingers crossed they are not....
blueberry jam
We were able to freeze a LOT of blueberries in July (plus make jam) as well as quite a bit of cauliflower and broccoli.  I'm hoping to freeze green beans, kale, peppers, onions, carrots, and mirepoix this month.  I freeze mirepoix because I start many soups with the mix and it's just so much easier than chopping carrots, onions and celery every single time. I believe we will try to can tomatoes either this month or next month as well, if we can find a day to do it.  It takes quite a bit of time to process them, so we'll see.  If not, I'll at least oven-dry and/or dehydrate some of the tomatoes and freeze those.  They are great added to sauce later in the year.
can you believe this is one of the chicks?
and another of the chicks!
The Chickens So, I've come to the conclusion that we've increased our flock larger than it should be.  Live and learn, right?  It's an interesting balance, trying to do what's right for the homestead and trying to keep up with egg demand.  Our egg customers tell us time and again that ours are the best eggs they've ever eaten.  Even compared to other local eggs.  I have absolutely no idea why - when they are compared to others who free range, but we are thrilled and grateful to hear it.  So, because of this, and because we run out of eggs within 40 minutes of getting to the farmer's market, we decided to continue increasing the flock. And we were wrong. It's just too much.  It doesn't feel right, it's not the right blend of breeds (we've got quite an ornery group right now) and it can be overwhelming at times.  So, we'll keep them all until the inevitable happens, and won't add for a couple of years.  This, of course, means we will be feeding a lot of girls and get fewer and fewer eggs (egg production typically peaks at 2 years of age and declines thereafter) for a bit, but we've learned. We will then, going forward, stick with Plymouth Barred Rocks and Americauna/Aracaunas.  We may have a few buffs, but no other breeds.  We've always had a flock we've bonded very well with and who have, although they are chickens and have pecking orders, etc., have respectfully lived with each other.  This group has some just downright mean and cranky chickens that are dirtier/messier and louder than any of our previous flocks.  The littles, however, we have bonded very well with, which worries me about when we have to combine the two flocks.  I don't want them to lose their sweetness. The reality is, we don't make any money off of the eggs (because we feed them certified organic feed and still sell the eggs and the same price as non-organic - $4.00/dozen).  So yes, it's our fault, but even if we charged more, we wouldn't make much off of the increase.  We don't have a large enough flock for profit (still), and don't plan to work toward that.  The egg money does, however, pay for all of the chicken's bills (feed, shavings, straw, treats, etc.), and will continue to as the flock decreases (fingers crossed).  We enjoy raising them and are happy we are able to furnish some families with reasonably priced (non-certified) organic eggs.
Emerson (left) and Oliver
Jackson
Oliver, Emerson & Jack Oliver had a bit of a difficult month.  He goes through periods of just not feeling well, which means he doesn't want to eat, is a bit cranky and clingy, and is just downright upset.  It's sooooooo difficult because I have no idea how to help him.  This is the part of having pets that I get frustrated with.  I just hate seeing any animal in pain or not feeling well so when I can't fix it, it's incredibly hard. Both he and Emerson had trips to the vet in July.  Both for eye issues, although on separate weeks and different issues.  Em had a bump at the corner of his eye which, thankfully, went away.  Oliver had what we believe were allergy issues.  Of course!  He's got just about every health issue Frenchie's are known for, so why not allergies too??? And then there's Jack.  He's actually been fairly low-key this month although the periods of thunder we've had (every single week) as well as 2 weeks of fireworks being set off around us are making him a bit gun-shy.  He is such a chicken and so fearful of loud noises.  The poor guy has a lot of pacing time put in this past month.
The Business We are knee-deep in our 1st busy season of the year (the second starts the beginning of October through New Years).  Summer means we are working 7 days a week to keep up with products as well as attending markets and craft shows. I have many of you email me and ask about starting a bath & body business yourself.  I figured I would speak to that a bit here because it's such a common question.  Yes, it's certainly a business that anyone can start.  Similar to some other businesses, the largest 2 hurdles are formulating good products and then finding customers who will buy them.  It's, unfortunately, a very saturated market, so you have to figure out how your products are different and advertise that.  We've had many of our customers start (and end) bath & body product businesses of their own.  Many ended because it's expensive.  You've certainly got overhead in products and packaging.  Others have ended because they can't grow their customer base as quick as they'd hoped.  And still others didn't realize how much work it really is to do everything - formulate, make, package, sell, run a website, ship products, keep the books, and so on. And if you decide to sell wholesale, that's a whole other set of "to-do's". The demands and struggles are not unique to this field, by any means, but because it's "home-based" I think it's looked at as an easier business to get into.  And it can be - as long as you have a realistic view.  If you have a passion for it, are prepared to work for yourself (fully responsible for it and your paycheck) as well as a handful of really good products, you should absolutely consider going into business! I encourage you to keep the questions coming, ask a handful of people currently working in the field for their thoughts as well, and think about all of the struggles shared with you to ensure you are willing (and able) to have a similar experience.
How was your July on your own homestead?
If you would like to see more of our day-to-day, please join us on Instagram.
How was your July?
This Month On The Farm: July 2018 - Garden Updates (plus a plan!), Kitchen Updates, Answers To A Business Question Many Of You Have Asked Me About, And More! was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)
0 notes