#meanwhile my new conventionally attractive coworker is keeping his distance and im just....incredibly embarrassed.
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Personal Danni Tag Rant.
If you see this cover thine eyes.
#it's not like i can put “gets nervous working with men and falls into a people pleasing over the top personality as a coping mechanism”#on applications#so like i get it...#but i H A T E the fact that i am the only “woman” at my job now....#all the guys personalities are cool dont get me wrong#but....wtf#a new guy started today and it was going great until the last 20 min#my manager calls me up to the front and asks me about the store credit amount from the previous day as its 105 and thats higher than usual#i asked him the previous day hey how do i do this and proceeded to do what he told me#i knew if i did it wrong it would show up when i closed out the register and counted out the deposit#but nothing was wrong so i didn't mention it today#my manager asks me to take him through what happened#so i do. he asks if anything was off on the paperwork. i said no.#i said i knew that if i did the transaction wrong it would show up when i closed out the register#he goes “...im not trying to accuse you of anything but did you change a negative anywhere?”#“i just need to know if you changed anything and how you did.”#i said no i didn't. and he said okay i dont have enough time to sort this out tonight so ill look into this more tomorrow#but im not mad at you at all. please dont leave here today thinking im upset with you. i said no i understand#meanwhile my new conventionally attractive coworker is keeping his distance and im just....incredibly embarrassed.#like hes cute and tall and talked to me about manga for like an hour and it was nice. he has a gf whos very nice.#i just wanted to come off cool and...not like im this awkward fucking dork who doesn't even feel like they know how to do their job anymore#i just...second guess and doubt myself at every interaction now. its not my managers fault really... he tells me hes proud of my work#he tells me im doing a good job... idk...#all the people i became comfortable with and felt safe with are gone now...#the last coworker from when i started.. the first guy ive felt safe around in a long while... they are putting him on retainer...#it just...it fucking sucks.#he changed the computer background to batgirls and it showed that he wasn't just listening to me ramble about me being a but if an art snob#he was ACTUALLY LISTENING and it just made my heart feel so light...i just really appreciated that.#i wish i didn't have to pull myself back from anxiety attacks about work every night i wish going into work didn't make me nervous#i cant even smoke a bit to relax on my day off because im scared i wont be alert enough the next day. my job...its not fun anymore.
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