#meh i should make full fledged analysis in my notes instead of here

[feisaru]

I really wanna settle on a name for people to call me actually but I'm so unsure. That would also influence my talking tag, because maybe then I'd finally make myself one... but like because of my trashfire brain it's so hard to settle on anything.

I'm okay with my given name. The connotations of it fit me. But sometimes it still makes me feel as though I'm being treated with distance. The short form is okay too, that's what my people on insta have agreed to call me. But sometimes it goes on my nerves because of how cutesy it is.

Then there's Zefyrinus, which I'd probably just shorten to Zef. That's the name I chose for myself for my confirmation. Choosing it made me feel powerful because it defied their expectations

Then there's Cain... it really resonates with me but I first conciously registered the name through a webcomic character. Which makes me a bit embarrassed about using it.

Simon or some variation of it would be possible as well, or something like Nathaniel.

Shiny... one of my oldest nicks, because of how I used to do shiny hunting as a hobby, and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to hear because there's so many bad memories attached to it and more are added to the pile with each passing day. It's gonna stay with me, but unless I change my mind I don't want people to call me that anymore.

There's also the possibilty of using Saru as a name, but the question is, do I REALLY want that...

This is all. In conclusion I don't think I'm settling this dilemma any time soon. Maybe getting called Feisaru is good enough after all