#melonwrites

[spicy-melon]

Stresses and Sorries

Dark x DA!Reader, GN

implied DA reader/reader with memories from WKM?, and i sorta injected my own canon into it

(sorry if that isn’t your cuppa tea, but a dude has to have some self indulgence sometimes right)

warnings: past trauma, Dark gets angry and yells, negative intrusive thoughts (from both reader and Dark), mutual pining (the idiots /aff), couple of suggestive lines

****

The manor was chaos. It always has been, having 40 plus people living in the same place, no matter how large the mansion is. Now add in how —well— unique those people are, and it's a recipe for disaster. One that often left you scrambling, trying to keep fires out of one room while yelling and screaming could be heard in the next. But, hey, at least you weren’t ever bored. And you didn’t have it nearly as bad as Dark did.

Speaking of the entity, you happen to pass his main office hastily making your way to your next destination in the house. His door was uncharacteristically slightly open, and you sneak a glance into the room.

He’s at his desk, elbows on the table, and hands balled together almost like he’s praying. But the pained expression you see on his face, eyes closed and eyebrows twisted up in a way that —

You can’t lie, you’ve had some less than pure thoughts about him, even before that fateful night. But with so much drama and tension, and how occupied he was by whatever Marc was doing that week, you decided to push your feelings down, for his sake and yours. Mostly his, if you were being honest. You had a suspicion they weren’t exactly reciprocated.

“Hey,” You knock gently on the door while you fully open it, giving him a soft smile.

The entity did nothing but open his eyes and allow his expression to calm for a moment. A quiet sigh left his lips as he repositioned his hands to rest on the table as he lifted his gaze to you.

“You ok, Damien?” It still made your heart warm that he allowed you to call him by his old name when you were alone together. Almost made it seem like the old days when the two of you would stay up till ungodly hours studying together. Like the snake bastard had never—

“I am.”

Please just go away, he doesn’t want to hurt you.

“Are you sure? I was just passing by and saw how stressed you looked —”

“There is a reason my door is usually c̸l̸o̷s̷e̷d̶,” He must have said that louder and sharper than he intended, because his eyes immediately filled with regret as he sees you flinch slightly. A blink-and-you’ll-miss it flash of cyan came from his form as his statement echoed loudly.

Goddamnit.

You tried to cover up the hurt with a smile, “Ah. Well, if you need anything, you know how to get my attention. I’ll just go back to —”

“No,” and the room filled with red and blue sparks for a few seconds, and he rolled his shoulders and adjusted the cuffs of his suit, “Please, sit. I need to talk to you while you're here.”

You shut the office door as dread filled your stomach. Making your way towards the chair placed in front of his desk your mind started racing. Did you do something wrong? Was some of the paperwork filed incorrectly? Were you being fired?

You sat timidly with eyes looking up at him, questioning him silently as a deep sigh came from his side of the desk.

“I’d like to apologize for my behavior as of late. You, of all people, don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

You deserve the world. More, if it could be given.

You blink a couple times in the silence, not wanting to interrupt as he continued.

“Not having any clue what that bastard is up to the last few weeks, Wilford running amuck more than usual even for him, Bim with his unusual requests… I’m sorry, it just…” He trails off, sighing once again. He looks at you with something you don’t think you’ve ever seen from him, at least in this form: vulnerability.

“Hey, I understand. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. I just wish sometimes you’d let me help, y’know? … Or at the very least talk about it, let me in and —”

You freeze. Part of you wants to almost laugh at the irony of what you just said. Something about those three little words bring back a flood of memories. A void, red and blue flickers, a corpse, a promise.

If he could take it back, he would in an instant. He wasn't in control of himself.

He cringes lightly at the words, too. It was a long time ago, but the events of that night still took a toll on you both. He’s never truly expressed how sorry he was, he didn't think he could with words.

“Just, if there’s any way I can help— take over doing some tasks, be an ear to talk to…” continuing your thought as he rolls his neck once again. You try and make a joke to ease the tension as you gesture towards his neck,”…hell, give you a massage if that’s what’ll help, I’ll do it.” You say lightheartedly with a small chuckle.

He smiles a bit, “That’s… very sweet of you to offer all of that. Thank you.”

What did he do to deserve you, you wonderful thing?

“Of course. Remember back in university when we were studying for —oh, what was it? I think it was Junior year — finals? I started mindlessly combing through you hair and you were out like a light.” The both of you laughed quietly, reminiscing about a time long ago, another life that should have been.

“You do have a certain magic touch, dear.” He says through his light laughter, rubbing the back of his neck subconsciously remembering the feeling of your hands.

Your body makes a decision to get out of your chair and walk around to Dark’s side of the desk. This startles Dark a bit, as he turns towards you in his chair and looks at you quizzically before you make your way to your destination behind him.

You stand there for a moment, suddenly feeling aware and self-conscious about what you had chose to do. Your hands start with his hair, taking the fringe he now sports and running your fingers through to slick it back to the rest of his hair. He slowly shifts backward, giving you a better angle to work. Once all the pieces that hung in front of his eyes joined the rest of his hair, you gently raked your fingers through it.

Repeating the motion, you feel his body slightly slump under your touch. As you get into your own hypnotic rhythm, you end up switching between massaging his scalp and shoulders. You even start to hum an old familiar song, one that you knew he’d recognize and would help calm him.

He hurt you. And yet here you are, little monster, trying to help a monster like him.

As you finish the song, you can feel most of the tension has left him under your hands. You find yourself pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head before you even realize what you’re doing. You step back, “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what—”

He swivels around to face you and sees the slightest bit of flush adorning your face. It was the first time you got to see his expression since you had started and he looked… at peace. You didn’t, however, see the moony look beaming in his eyes.

“There’s no need to apologize dear, however adorable you are doing so,” he gets up from his chair to stride to where you ended up from your embarrassment. He meets your eyes and looks at you for a moment before gently placing his hand on your face.

And you don’t pull away. Everything he is, everything he’s become, and you don’t pull away.

He leans down to kiss the top of your head, right where you had done it to him moments before, “There, now we’re even,” he whispers through a smile, thumb stroking your cheekbone.

You look up at him and you think your lungs have forgotten how to breathe. Both meeting each other’s eyes, you find yourself quickly glancing down at his lips and back up again and leaning subtly closer to him.

He finally breaks what feels like an eternity of silence, so quiet you can barely hear the words fall from his lips “Can I kiss you?”

You give a small nod as your stomach fluttered, afraid your voice would fail you if you tried to speak. He leans down and captures your lips with his.

It’s the most gentle kiss you’ve ever received and you melt into it. He tastes like mint and static and just… him. It feels like everything is right about it, pieces falling into place. Like it was meant to be in every other universe, and this one just caught up.

He should have done this a long time ago.

[caffebird]

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[carmelon]

Sit with me in tears Choking on nose drips Sit with me in ugly laughter That bends and pops Contorting the face Leaving raw acidic joy in the stomach Sit with me 3 am over a cup of herbal tea Chewing on growing up stories Sit with me In the ear ringing absence of family Sit with me In pajamas No words just sleeping

[gotanumbrellabigenougfortwo-blog]

I need someone  to ground me with the rhythm of their breathing to sit on the couch  and run their fingers through my hair  my head in their lap  my lips tracing soft kisses on their fingers I need someone to be still with someone who will hold me I need someone to hold me lord knows I don't know how to ask I need someone who can tell when I am needing Maybe I am that person Perhaps I need myself Need to learn to ask When I need someone to wrap them self around me

Melonwrites 8/3/16

[carmelon]

Part 2

You look at self destruction With dreamy eyes your skin Grows goose bumps At the mere sight Of dirty cracked concrete Mouth watering in the presence Of calloused fingers Empty whiskey bottles And eyes sunken in Rough Burning Purple as plums Juice sweet, fermenting Licking your lips Instinctually at the smell

[carmelon]

I told myself I'd healed That after all of this time I finally recovered Lie I don't cut myself anymore I have become So proficient at harming myself I do not need sharp things anymore I practiced lying dead face to my mother For so long That I did not see the deception In my own reflection When I said I was better Had myself convinced I'd pulled out of this pit By the skin of my fingers Even kept the dirt under my nails As a reminder of my victory What I mean to say is I really want to fucking cut myself Want to take shots Until I vomit everything I ate today And wash the taste of bile down With smoke I think I hate myself again I'm not even certain I ever stopped

[carmelon]

Part 2

You look at self destruction With dreamy eyes your skin Grows goose bumps At the mere sight Of dirty cracked concrete Mouth watering in the presence Of calloused fingers Empty whiskey bottles And eyes sunken in Rough Burning Purple as plums Juice sweet, fermenting Licking your lips Instinctually at the smell

[carmelon]

Let me give you the warm energy glowing from my palms I want to burn in the back of your throat like tequila

Excerp from my writing

[carmelon]

I don't get angry anymore Anger is painful  But there's a certain euphoric releasing of energy that comes with it I almost miss that the pain I feel now is a more slow agonizing sort of hurt that comes with sadness

Me being emo as usual

[carmelon]

Dear Jesse I hope you are safe I love you I’ve been eyes like rivers Tearing bits of you from my chest since you left For months I would dream of you Coming home It is said when you dream of someone It is because they are thinking of you Jesse Did you think of me? Do you think of me? Has my name burned holes in your tongue The way yours did mine When you are ready To tell me what happened To explain why you left Why you turned so cold I will be here where you left me In this foggy little town on the cusp of the ocean

Me

[carmelon]

The aching heavy sits at the bottom of my stomach Slides past my tongue Tastes like funeral desert and shot glass Glides over my skin Leaves me tingling Almost euphoric When you have known sadness for so long It becomes bittersweet reunion There is comfort in the familiar Even if it is toxic Grandpa Myer ate whole onions with hot sauce And drank until his family refused to come home Grammy eats to try and feel less empty And sleeps with her sorrow as if it gives her pleasure It is no wonder That I have learned to love the taste of sadness as it burns my tongue Settling in my stomach I feel sick But at least I am finally warm Sickening Unhealthy Destructive How do I remove the sadness My family my family planted in me?

Me

[carmelon]

Let me make amends With the impermanence Of all beautiful things Let me come to terms With the changing of seasons And accept the leaves Even in their falling And not regard love with bitterness Even when the ones I love leave Let me be At ease in nothing But my own company Give my fingers The muscle memory To know how to hold tight And how to let go Uncurling Unlearning Unfurling my spine I will crumple no more I will lie Back to earth Vertebrae growing roots below me Arms outstretched Sunflowers sprouting from my fingers

Me at DP

[carmelon]

Am I obsessed with you? Sorry I didn't mean to be You used to be a constant in my life my mind still treats you as such I think about you as if I still see you regularly I hear your commentary in my mind It's almost as if you never left I continue to interact with a version of you idealized and suspended in time I don't think the boy in my head even exists anymore Maybe he was never even real I don't know the difference between lovers and friends I can't find the line between obsession and care I worry that I hold your image captive in my mind and wear your name on my tongue without consent but you have become an accessory to my heart and my history If your best friend cuts you out of their life are you supposed to cut them out of your vocabulary? It feels clingy to speak of you with the love I am accustomed to Yet it feels poisonous to speak of you with venom and honesty My mind doesn't know what region of my tongue to place you on It would be dishonest to simply burn your name from my story You are like the dolls that I still love but don't know what to do with they have wonderful memories and look nice I don't want to put them on display because I won't use them and they don't really suite me anymore but still love them and can't bring myself to get rid of them So I store them in a tub under my bed and they surface occasionally but that's not a long term solution and honestly you aren't a strawberry shortcake doll or a my little pony because you do more than just sit among the American Girl accessories and plastic food pieces You are alive, going to college, living in Washington somewhere and maybe you think about me probably you don't but I can't know any of that and I keep talking about you as if nothing ever happened and cursing you when others bring you up and talking to the whispers of you I hear in my mind Where do I put you when your energy feels as alive in my heart as it did when you would sit beside me in reality you live miles away i haven't spoken to you in nearly a year I don't know what to do with you You sit on my rib cage like a swing set and whisper cynical comments and affirmations throughout my day sometimes I think you've gone dormant just as I become used to the idea of you being gone The spot you left hollow, wound, and haunted throbs with empty and pain

Me a few months ago

[carmelon]

I can feel it’s changing the fog is starting to dissipate but even when it goes the air will still be cold Consitently I forget that seasons by definition Do not last forever I keep reminding myself that Even though the leaves will not fall Nothing keeps it from becoming autumn Soon this place though she looks the same will feel different Soon Where living pathways led to my many homes This concrete will once again become nothing more than the sidewalk And the places we once called home Will introduce themselves to me as Dirt and trees and cement and houses and grass and tunnel and bedroom floor We will quickly realize that we are no longer familiar in the ways we used to be and While I know this is the way this goes I cannot help but be sore For times when I was a small organism in a big system of vibrant life When I stayed up late and wrote papers While sitting wearing glitter under my eyes but not my boots and watching the ocean and watching the way the pipe burns and watching the way you breath so much more fully when you sleep and choking on my home and embroidering my family with colors that don’t come easy and measuring myself on the wall and not coming home for days and not knowing where to go when home is calling but I am already in my house and almost finishing several books and carrying my shot glass in my backpack and watching the way the fog glows when the sunrises and filling my belly with two dollar bills and wearing shirts that are business casual

Melonwrites

[carmelon]

Wrap me in summer air that smells of fresh cut grass Dip me in salty sand and the rasp in our throats when we speak after dark find me in the places we hide find me in your pocket among the spare change lint stuck to my spine drown me in a green bottle of red wine

Me

[carmelon]

if my thoughts hadn’t fallen out of the hole in my pocket into the cracked city sidewalk

I see the way your finger tips

ache

to tear you apart

the way

you

itch to destroy yourself

pray you find love for yourself

hold your chin higher

it will not 

stop being heavy

you will simply grow stronger

you have been growing stronger

you will be 

have been 

1. soft heart

kind

2. big dreams

brave

3. finger callus 

passionate

4. crinkle cheek

funny

5. deep ears

love