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#microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety
steampoweredskeleton
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5 months
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#delete later
#the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it
#anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack
#i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that
#has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects
#try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns
#i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like
#thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me
#to get panic level overwhelmed
#its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does
#microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety
#autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and
#overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though
#also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are
#unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with
#which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain
#way more than like bugs or folk tales.
#one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse
#in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway
#i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse
#this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me
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