#might be occ bc it was early when i wrote this

[writersplight]

sometimes life’s a bitch and then you keep living.

Connie remembered everything about that night.  It was raining, and it was late. About two in the morning. The car was stuffy, but he didn’t want to be anywhere else. His girlfriend and childhood friend, Sasha, was silent. It was weird, because she usually picked him up blasting music and having something to say. But tonight—that night—she had nothing to say to them. Usually the cliffside view was beautiful for a sunset, and they’d hold hands and laugh until they decided they were tired enough to go home. It would be hours at a time. Sometimes, they’d buy McDonald’s and rant about the world, sitting on the car hood with just each other. 

“School starts up again next week,” she started, quietly, her eyes on the wheel.  “Yeah. Spring break was not long enough—”  “It never is for you,” she snorts, and he rolls his eyes. She was right. No matter how long the break, Connie always complained about school. It’s not totally his fault that he feels stupid in every class he has; even the one he gets B’s in. Sasha wasn’t like that in all her classes, she excelled in science and math, and even though her mind was dead by the time she got to English, she still did well. Intellectually, she was superior. He didn’t mind—he was too preoccupied celebrating her academic achievements to compare himself to her.  “Yeah. I’m not a fan of—”  “It’s still raining. . .” It’s weird that he never got to finish his sentence. Maybe she was afraid he’d say something to make her stay. Not that he would have. “Nothing good ever happens when it rains.”  She started the car again, and Connie, who was trying to figure out why his heart was starting to sink, kept quiet. He was never quiet. He always had something to fill the silence with. He wanted to tell her about his parent’s divorce, but he couldn’t he couldn’t find the words. It wasn’t the time.  As they pulled up to his lawn, the rain started to come down harder, and everything finalized in his mind.  “Who is it?” he asked, quietly, finally getting his one sentence in. Sasha grips the steering wheel tightly, but she was glad he got the memo—they were breaking up. She already soft-blocked him from all her social media, but he wouldn’t know that until morning. “Niccolo,” she finally says, and he nods. He knows of him. Blonde VoTech student, succeeding in the culinary field. Of course that would win over the brunette—the way to her heart is through her stomach.  He swallowed dryly.  “See you at school?” he wouldn’t meet her eyes, hand on the car door.  “Oh, Connie. . .” her face got dark. She wouldn’t look at him. He was standing in front of her on his lawn. He doesn’t remember moving. “No.”  She drove off.  Connie spent the rest of freshman year, and all of sophomore year avoiding Sasha and her boyfriend. He’s never seen her happier, and he didn’t want to interrupt that. Despite, you know, wanting to be the cause of her happiness. He heard them laughing a lot. It was torturous.  He was always dizzy, and kept his hood up to prevent the bright lights from reaching his eyes. He was starting to find comfort in the darkness that once scared him. The unknown of it all really put him at ease. It did keep him up, though. Pros and cons.  “Connie!” Sasha finally caught up to him, midst of junior year, grabbing his arm so he wouldn’t run. The cars were starting to pull away around them, so she pulled him to her car. He kept his eyes on the asphalt ground.  “What’s going on, man? You’ve been avoiding me for so long! Marco, Jean, and I were trying to—”  The world turned red, and spun. Distantly, he questioned, “What?”  “Why have you been avoiding me?”  “Why?” he repeated, dumbfounded.  “Yeah,” she cocked her head to the side like he was confusing her. Shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows furrow.  “Sasha. . . You broke up with me. What do you mean?”  “Yeah, but—”  “You blocked me on Instagram and Snap,” he pointed out, getting angrier. His hands were starting to shake. “You started avoiding me first!”  “Yeah, but. . .”  “Am I an asshole for returning the favor?”  “No, but I miss you.” she pouted, twiddling her fingers. That’s the last straw.  “Sasha, we’re not in middle school anymore! That pout won’t work. I’m sorry you missed me, but I’m not willing to let myself hang around and wait until it’s convenient for you to feel up to being my friend again. That’s not fair to me.” She was starting to get upset, he could see that. But he’s been upset for months upon months. It’s almost been two years.  “You’re so happy with Niccolo, then make friends with his friends. No need to involve me.”  “But. . . You’re my best friend, Connie,” she reaches for his hand, but he yanks his arm away.  “I was, wasn’t I?” he steps

back. “Well, everything must come to an end.”  “Wait!” she cried out, and he found himself waiting. It angered him that he was still willing to listen to her. He turned back to her, eyebrows raised. “How. . . How did you move on?”  “Move on?” he thought about, removing a hand from his pockets to fix his falling hood. “I didn’t. I probably won’t ever ‘move on’, but. . . I just take one step at a time. It’s all I can do.”  “I miss your company.”  Connie went silent, eyes on his beat up converse. The wind picked up. He didn’t have anything else to say. Sure, he missed his best friend, too, but it’s not like she unblocked him or truly made an effort. He shrugged, turning on his heel. There wasn’t much else he could do. He was so close to being roped back into her friend loop. He couldn’t do that to himself. He tried, at first, to make amends, but she always turned him down. Connie couldn’t keep waiting.  Connie spent a lot of his high school life working. He wanted to save up for something fun to do with friends. Marco and Jean offered not many ideas, but it hit the buzzcut teen when he was trying to sleep one night—a camp out. In the woods not too far behind his house. There’s this clearing he used to use that’s perfect.  He sent out a massive group text. That included: Jean, Marco, Annie, Bert, Reiner, Mikasa, Armin, Eren. . . His thumb hovered over Sasha’s contact. He frowned. He skipped over her, and sent the text. Despite it being one in the morning, everyone seemed on board. They spent the next hour finding a date. They decided upon July 12th, where they all had time to call out and arrange accordingly.  That date. . . In fifth grade, that’s when Connie asked Sasha out. They dated until freshman year. It was wild how the universe works. He agreed upon the date and marked it in his calendar.  After graduation, he continued working. He still had a few months before he was going away to college, and he still had the whole camp out to put together. He found himself hanging around Annie and Mikasa a lot. He didn’t expect them to be so hands on with the project, or into it at all—considering how they tended to not be huge talkers—but they were. It didn’t make sense to him, but he had fun organizing it with them.  It all came to him at the end of the night, after grilling hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner. He was sitting in a lawn chair, staring at the stars by himself, with this big dopey smile on his face. His hand was around his soda bottle. Annie and Mikasa pulled chairs up to sit with him.  “You seem happier than you’ve been in years,” Annie points out, handing him a bottle of root beer. He opens it for her, nodding along to what she said.  “Yeah. I am.”  “Does this mean you’re over Sasha?” Mikasa sends a glare to the blonde, and Connie finds himself laughing. It was funny how people still treated it like a sore subject.  “No. Yes? I’m able to talk about it, but it still hurts. It’s everything and nothing at all.” He adjusts himself in his chair. He bought a tent big enough for them all to lay in, and he managed to be assigned to the very girls sitting next to him. However, he was focused on the stars.  “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Mikasa settles on, not being too good with words. That’s something Annie and her shared—their difference was Mikasa had a heavy filter, where Annie’s filter was non-existent. She thought about her words heavily.  “Me too. It’s good to be hanging out with my friends again. I’m sorry for, you know, being shitty. I didn’t mean it.”  “It was a tough breakup. Don’t worry about those it doesn’t concern.” Annie advised, taking a swig of her soda.  “It does concern you guys, because you’re my friends and I wasn’t there for you. That’s how I see it, and I’m sorry. But, yes, it was tough. I tried to ignore it but. . . Well, there are some things you can’t avoid in life. I had to deal with it.” Connie explained, looking into his soda bottle. He’s glad he found his way out. He just got so tired being sad that he had a breakthrough. Some aren’t as lucky, but he was never the

forever-brooding type. He was much more comfortable as the clown of the group.  “And you’re better now for it,” Mikasa says softly, turning to him. She placed a hand over his, and Annie took his other hand. His face grew hot, but they all looked at the stars. There was comfortable silence between them. Slowly, Connie intertwined their hands together. In the distance, Jean and Eren could be heard bickering about trees. Weird topic for them, but it was normal.  “We both like you, Connie,” Annie finally said, “and we’d like to figure out what that means.”  His smile grew, finally tearing his eyes away from the stars. He looked between them, and found that they weren’t joking with him. He’d never think he’d go from dating, to sadly single, to being fine with being single, to possibly having two girlfriends. Life was crazy in that way.  “Okay,” he said, turning his direction to the stars. It got quiet again, but the conversation started back up when Connie mentioned he didn’t know how to piece together constellations—or something along those lines—but Annie did. She spent the hour before bed teaching them about how to find north, and some constellations that she could find. Mikasa, on the other hand, had a handful of knowledge about astrology, and told her lovers all about it as they turned in for the night. Connie was set in the middle, with his arms around both of them.  When college came around, it turns out that Annie was going up north. Mikasa and Connie were also going up north, but for a different college. They decided to buy a two bedroom apartment together and to just commute. It was weird to live with two girls prone to bickering, but Connie was always able to compromise. On top of that, they all were pretty good at communication between each other.  When Mikasa was feeling left out, she sent a text explaining herself the best she could, and her two lovers always figured out a way to make it up to her. Same with Annie. The blonde and black haired girls were always able to communication to Connie how they were feeling, and they genuinely listened to Connie when he spoke—especially if he cracked some stupid joke; they love his shitty humor. They loved him. He, of course, loved his two strong girlfriends, and never felt emasculated—he enjoyed watching them outlift in the gym, and was very encouraging.  He’s grateful for them, and couldn’t ask for better girlfriends.