#might say fuck it and kms man i dont know how to cope with this kinda but not really love triangle I'm in

[bisexual-slime]

I'm well aware the pain I'm in is self inflicted. but that doesn't mean I know how to or even want to stop :)

[boredgrrldiaries204]

my summer trauma haunts me heres my story ig im still developing still coping ut maybe this makes sense

it was like i got raped by the nicest guy alive that was deaf and couldn’t hear the hundred no’s

u don’t get it

u just don’t get it

uve alr forgotten even tho i j said it

and now he left marks on my neck that i gotta hide to pretend like it was my fault

to pretend like i liked it but as i pulled away he would suck on my tit that would release the slut in me to not wanna retrieve. he was smart w every word that came out and knew how to get me into every position. i was helpless and honestly had no choice.

i think the amount of time that i said no even as he stuck it in was obssurd. i was insured that he knew what he was doing but as i recoeved my 3 calls after i am no unsure.

he said he wants to get me drunk and high which a part of me wants to c him again for

i just didn’t talk

i didn’t want to

he did make me moan tho

but it felt good for the slut who wanted it

but sophia didn’t

sophia said no

hundreds of times

my nice boy who said he was a nice boy didn’t listen

said he got the drugs to get me high tho

i do wanna get high tho

idk tho cuz at the end of the day he just stuck it in me and the real slut in me kinda liked that he ignored all the no’s and j did whateva that he wanted w my slutty body.. saying i should teach all the other girls to be as hot as me.

i wasn’t ready for it

i didn’t want it

i made myself as tight as possible for it

tried to get away as many times before tbh. ate me out w my tits and pussy laying in the ocean on display for everyone. lk. i was basically lol drowning and couldn’t see because of the salt water in every hole as he wouldn’t remove his mouth from my pusey as i literally suffocate and drown whitin myself. gonna kms wtf was that. but i am mad at this man i did not like how everyone saw me and i couldn’t get away. no i didn’t like it and i told him no and i tried to leave he didn’t listen. i literally got raped. fuck him. fuck him. i said no. he said he was nice. i didn’t want it. any of it. fuck him. fuck hum. fuck him n. fuck him. fuck him rot in hell dirty ass black skank ass ugly assgtfo this white coo chi ass gtfo away from me i hate u asssssss i hate u i hate u i uate u wtf was that wyd was that fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck you i didn’t want it i had to get back fuck u fuck u fuck u i hy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy ihy fuck uuuuu.

I don’t even know his fucking name. fuck

but as they say the worst mistakes make the best memories

i’ve been sleeping for the past 12 hours trying to come back alive after he killed me frkm the inside out.

idk some random black island boy

very black

light eyes

bnice lashes

bad teeth. mouth full of teeth i just wanna break. he might look like he gets bitches but huni that dick was abt 5-6 inches

do not fuck me black boy

u don’t get this pussy boi

u a loser i don’t wanna jerk u off boy

get away boy

now i’ll run away boi

mom found me as i returned to bay

she saw u to slut shamed me for it.

little does she know. that that has drained everything from me. idk what to do now. tbh. but i’m fine. this will not ruin me. that’s bs and u know it.

what happened what happened u disappeared ur so stupid ew slut welcom yo the real world. happened to us all.

fuck u i hurt

i hurt

i feel i hate u

u suck

rot

rot

rot boy rot

i hate u i didn’t even want u in the water

i couldn’t move

u held me down

fuck uuuu

fuck offfff

i hate uuu

impure

rot

rot

rotten

spoiled

slut

slut

ew

stupid

raped

slut

whore

mean

something is fs wrong w me

her innocence lost

always mad

hate on things

hv to deal w things

trauma and things

no one gets it

no one really gets it

fuck

fuck

fuck

i

hated that smsmsmsmsm

fuck u mark

or whatever tf ur black name was

kept saying in my ear

u like that black dick

all i’m thinking is NO NO NO and i’m literally telling him not really no no no u don’t get it u just don’t get u will never get it i hate u i hate i hate i hate u ihatte u u raped me u burn in hell. rot whore i hate u

ew

gtfo off meeeeee

ewwwww

i hate u

u

r a liar

thursday

turks n caixos

1-3 pm

sophia was missing

this is what was happening to sophia

sophia didn’t even realize what happened until way later

sophia is one idiot

ahhh

ew

ew

ew

ew

dw

i’ll be fine

i hope i hope i hope

i mean i am traumatized

i can’t stop thinking about it

and how much i actually dispised all of it

but if i hated it all how am i ever going to get over it

u make me hate this city

i don’t talk abt that shit cuz that shits embarrassing

cuz i was a kid

u ruined everything good

always said u will do everything g i wanted

JUST FUCKINV LEAVE ME WLONEEEEEEEEE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHH

I HATE U

I HATE U

U RAPIST

FUCK U

FUCK U

and i want my hat back

i’m about to get violent

but i don’t really feel like fight

u don’t listen anyways i’ll get quiet i don’t really feel like fighting

i’ve lost my mind

wander all away

make them wonder where i am

but now i just got a vandeta

but gonna go on an endeavor and the only thing i got was a bellyache and slut-shaming. but i hate him more than anything ever

i want him to die

i wanna leave this city

get me away

from this city

I DONT RELATE TO U

SHUT UP PLEASE

gonna make me relapse please

please please wtf ihy

U MADE ME HATE THIS CITY

GODDAMNNNNNN

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK UUUUUU

personal vandeta

don’t know what to do

honestly embarrassing

shi

fuck

ihy

smsmsmsmssmsm

find this mf and lay him in his grave

i will never be the same

will go to sleep w bloody hands

i hate uuuuu

if i teel u my secret will u keep it

he raped me

literally raped me

omg

#myrapestory

[superemeralds]

Dude, are you okay? What's been up, an old follower, I haven't been keeping up since I left tumblr but man... If it helps... I've always loved your artwork and the Shadow origin fanfic you wrote. I think you're a really interesting person, hell it might sound odd (and I dunno if you'll remember me from this) but I've dreamt of you before and that normally happens with people who I consider friends or I'm glad to know of their existence. Please stay safe.

I think i remember you? I vaguely remember something about a person dreaming abt me. Idk who exactly it was but ????

To answer ur question tho, im just depressed lmao and im not getting any treatment whatsoever while also recieving zero support irl. (Like mom told me to just kms multiple times if i wanted it so much, she is tired of me whining abt wanting to die)On top of that im like the only trans person in germany whos made to wait 3 years to get therapy lol and i need to be in therapy for 1 entire year to get t, but im also the only person who has to go by that rule i feel. I keep hearing stories of people saying theh ring up a doc and they get their t in 3 monthsIt makes me angry and sad and im just so tiredMy dysphoria is getting really bad lately because im in a fucking downward spiral. My coping mechanism includes eating food and that means i gain weight, that means the features of mt body i hate most grow even furtherI cant bind anymore, if i do i cant breathe and i get wounds on my shoulders and my ribs feel weird so i think i mightve reached my limitIm getting misgendered more than ever and im forced to talk a lot and my voice is like the no 1 thing abt me thag makes me feel the absolute worst and disconnected from myself

On top of all this is the regular school stress and the constant pressure to not fail.I gave up school long ago, i just need to keep going so mom can get payed (long story short dad died and we get a lil pay from his job which we depend on to survive)Im also under pressure to go to uni as soon as i graduate but im so exhausted i dont feel like i can go to uni. I want to be happy with myself first (multiple psychologists ive seen have told me this too lol)But its hard to focus on ur wellbeing if ppl constantly tell u how stupid and lazy you are and that what you love and do is useless and worthless and i should focus on my education to get a real job™Im just about to turn 19 and ive been worried about getting a job for 2 years now. I need to help my “family” survive somehow. They are assholes and emotionally abuse me without an end but they are literally all ive got. Ive been broken so much that i feel guilty for hating them and wantning to leave them, im also very dependent on them lmaoBut i cant get a job because of my anxiety™ because just thinking abt it makes me feel sick and whenever i start looking up how to get a job i end up crying before i actually learned smth

Basically everything about me is fucked up and i want to die