#mine by chaeryeong is on loop

[spadesolace]

mine - college au! chaeryeong x fem! reader

chaeryeong is sweet girl with no ill intentions but you're both unsure what to do anymore once you've crossed the line of friends and dating.

warning/s: mentions of drinking, suggestive, friends with benefits

words: 2.1k

what’s it like to keep falling after being caught time and time again?

there she stood in the middle of the dance floor as you held both your drinks as your friends and hers celebrated the night before valentine’s day at a club. why did you even agree to this?

chaeryeong had to persuade you into coming, considering it was your friend group that decided to merge and go out together. oh right… partially it’s because of her.

you’ve lost count on how many shots you’ve done or how many glasses of gin and tonic is in your system. mouth sealed as people try to flirt with her and fortunately for you, she’s breaking their hearts left and right. one last attempt to celebrate valentine’s with someone.

“dude, she’s gonna melt if you keep looking at her like that.” minjeong nudges you to shake you up and not possibly start a fight in the club just because someone is flirting with chaeryeong.

“i want her to look at me. her drink is so fucking diluted now.” the cocktail she got is mostly water at this point while you’re getting another shot being offered to you.

“she’s looking at you after she rejects those losers. seriously, i thought your whole whatever the fuck is going on between you two would be settled.” you thought so as well, how did this thing even happen? you weren’t like this months ago and here you are thinking back on how the hell does she have you on a chokehold.

it was one of those nights that chaeryeong wanted to sleep over at your place, knowing that you don’t share your room with anyone or how you don’t mind her being there as you work on whatever homework you have. she’s quiet in your bed as she’s reading for her class and you’re on the verge of calling it a night. chaeryeong has been keeping track of your movement, making her lose focus when she could have been studying but she’s looking at you and averting them is she thinks you’re gonna look at her or face her way.

her face is buried in her book as you continue what you’re doing, taking quick glances at chaeryeong before you walk out of the room to get yourself something to relieve the stress. coming back holding a bottle of soju and a glass and noticing the way chaeryeong’s nose scrunches if she doesn’t understand a term or how focused she is at reading.

“do you want a drink?” chaeryeong doesn’t know how you got that bottle of soju when you were just studying a few minutes ago on your desk that was close to where she was. she lost track of you for a bit.

“on a school night, really?” you rolled your eyes as you took a glass and poured yourself some and placed it back on your desk. sitting next to her as you wait for some sort of reaction or confirmation that she wants to. her hand reaches out asking for your glass, she’s not one to finish a drink alone, knowing that she gets drunk easily.

“if you finish my glass, i swear to god, lee chaeryeong-” pouring another shot of soju, thinking if you should get a can of beer and mix it.

“you and i both know i’m going to drink whatever you have.” she’s thinking the same thing as she stands up and makes her way to the kitchen like she owns the place.

“then you complain how strong it tastes.” you follow her, holding the glass and the bottle of soju and setting it in the living room where she pours the beer onto the one glass you’ve been sharing.

“stop getting strong drinks then.” she takes the glass and chugs it as she gently places it back on the table with a smug look.

“work on your tolerance first.” pouring yourself a drink as her smug look is wiped out of her face.

chaeryeong is a lightweight, you know this as she finishes another glass and is already laughing at whatever you two are talking about but who are you to complain. getting quite touchy and leaning on you as she reaches for your glass but you stop her and finish the drink. even if you’re a bit tipsy and she’s close to being blackout drunk, your priority is to stop her from going past her limit.

she’s looking at you with a pout as you keep the glass away from her, reaching out and leaning herself onto you, faces inches away from each other, and you’re looking at her lips while she’s looking at yours. halfway through the bantering of her being a lightweight and trying to prove herself to you, now on the verge of either kissing each other or stopping entirely and calling it a night. 

whatever it was, chaeryeong made the first move, kissing you with such gentleness at first as you let the shock die down and kiss her back. in the back of your mind, you’re brushing this off as you’re both intoxicated, not in the right mind and it’s just the mood of your place. there’s also the other part of you that doesn’t care about what happens.

that wasn’t the case when you woke up the following day, seeing how you’re both holding each other close with a small headache. this is normal between you and chaeryeong who sleep next to each other when she comes over but a part of you is aware it isn’t. noticing how your clothes are scattered everywhere on the floor, and her neck is covered in lovebites. even double checking under the blanket to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

part of you was panicking because this is your friend who you’ve grown to care so much for. the same girl that you met freshman year of college who you believe is such a sweetheart and wouldn’t do such a thing if she were intoxicated let alone be the one to initiate all of this.

chaeryeong feels you moving in her embrace and tries her best to stop you while you’re in the middle of having a mental crisis. it didn’t help that she kisses you in the lips that you’ve fully stopped your thought process and look at her who is just smiling as if she doesn’t have the worst headache of her life.

“the fuck, chaer?”

“don’t act like you hate it.”

that’s how it started, sneaking around and kissing each other in private, acting like a couple and lying to your friends that chaeryeong is nothing but a friend. well- that was it, a friends with benefits scenario with her and a part of you is slowly dying as this keeps on going. if it weren’t for minjeong walking in on you two kissing at a party, she wouldn’t have known this entire thing.

within the 3 months this situation you have with chaeryeong has been going on, you know you’ve grown to like the girl more than you’d like to admit. the first rule of the deal was no strings attached, no feelings, because this started because you’re both lonely, right?

a part of you thinks it’s more than just being lonely, hoping that chaeryeong has grown to like you but won’t admit it. delusional, but how could anyone explain the possessiveness when some girl flirts with you, or how she’s stuck by your side and talks about the future and telling you that you’re a part of it in some way. you’re tired of the push and pull and want her to be full on honest but how could that happen when you’re so close to each other yet it feels like she’s miles away.

you keep your gaze on chaeryeong dancing as you’re left with minjeong a bit intoxicated and having the need to go out and think things through. valentine’s was a few hours away and here you are at a club holding a diluted drink and an empty glass. placing the glass on the table, letting minjeong know you’re heading out first to get some fresh air but in reality you plan on heading home and not wallow much in the pain that is in the shape of lee chaeryeong.

she’s dancing with her friends but her gaze never left yours as she watches you take your stuff and leave your friend on the table. you’re not looking at her as the bouncer lets you out - she stops and looks at minjeong, panicking and signalling to her friends that she’s gonna head out for a bit. she hopes you haven’t walked that far or taken a bus back to your place but she’s running to you with your head low and kicking a random pebble.

“Y/N!” turning around, you see chaeryeong running at you and into your arms holding you close while you’re a bit concerned as she chased after you without a coat in the middle of winter. taking yours off and letting it drape on her shoulders as she holds you closer.

“you should head back in there.” you feel she shaking her head as you hold her close, letting the snowflakes drop as you try to find a way to make her go back and continue talking to whoever was flirting with her.

“we’re going home together. you can’t just leave me having fun there-”

“chaer, it’s fine - not like we’re dating..,”  a bit of a low blow but it’s the truth. why would she chase after you if she was the only one having fun while you’re in pain. how could you tell her that you need some sort of answer or label to whatever this is because you’re sure this isn’t just a friends with benefits when you’re acting like a couple in private without much of the benefits.

“just go back… ask ryujin to drive you home.”

“i said, we’re going home together. that’s final.”

you’re tired of the push and pull. whatever this is. because how come she’s reacting like this when there’s no strings attached.

“i wanna end this.” chaeryeong is taken aback, weren’t you happy before you left for the party? kissing her before stepping out and all of a sudden you want to stop. you also weren’t the best - chaeryeong has been nothing but confused because of you as you act clingy to her in private and ignore her in public. playing the push and pull, but that was expected because she made the rules.

no feelings. no public display of affection, and no one has to know (aside from minjeong).

“fine.”

“the fuck yo- hold on. you’re fine with us ending things?”

she nods and let’s go of you, there’s some space in between but not like those where the other person runs for it and you just hear nothing from them but she’s close. looking at you straight and holding you by the chin to make sure you’re looking directly at her.

“under one condition.” you raise your eyebrow, letting her continue as you can’t really think much when there’s alcohol running in your system and all you wanna do is kiss her.

“tell me that you love me. even if you don’t - just tell me that you love me.”

everything that involves lee chaeryeong leaves you confused and asking for some sort of clarity but it’s part of her charm and hearing that absurd request - it would be easy because you do love her.

“i love you.”

she let’s you go, moving back a bit with a sad smile on her face as she turns around and starts to walk away. you’re left in the cold as she slowly leaves you alone as if time stopped, contemplating on to pour your entire heart out or go home. this could be your last time seeing her if you don’t let her know your true feelings and how much you’re dying to tell her that you've fallen for her.

”i love you - to the point you take my breath away and i’m left here suffocating when you’re far away as if you’re oxygen that my body needs. it’s killing me seeing you in public and stopping myself from running towards you and just kiss you to stop them from flirting with you and - i wanted to end this because- “ you pause, taking a deep breath as chaeryeong is facing you with glossy eyes, holding your coat close to her small figure.

“i want to date you, not like this - the push and pull is killing me, chaer. please-”

“shut up and kiss me.”

she ran towards you throwing your coat on the ground and kissing you like the same way when it started. a kiss that’s so gentle but she’s pouring her heart out for you to reciprocate.

chaeryeong knows that you’re already hers, she just needed you to say it.

[redpiperfox]

First day of clinicals end of Jan, these were looping in my head lol