#miscommunication all around with tjose darks

[famished-fander-idiot]

I don't really love you! (I, just said that for a change in pace.)

Virgil wasn't stupid.

Sure, you might be saying in your head, 'what about all that self deprecating; I thought dumb was on the list?' Well, sure, he wasn't the smartest cookie on the block, Logan took the prize on that one, but in the least he knew his facts. And even then, you don't need facts to confirm whats right in feont of you.

And Virgil knew that he wasn't oblivious. He was hyper aware of every noise, person and sharp object in a mile radius, and his flight or fight reflex made him prepared for anything. (He still needed to apologize for nearly suffocating Roman with his fuzzy blanket and a pillow when he'd only come down for a quick snack.)

So, he understood them quickly, hiding there obvious family from him. Virgil knew they were close, knew they were happy and he had no hope in becoming a part of something so sweet. And he found there kindness...refreshing, in reference to the others he was so used to.

But when he nearly ducked out, waiting in the shadows for proof of their distance, they literally prooved him wrong. Showed up in Anxieties room, to help not hurt, and even thanked him for guiding them out. Not like the thanks were deserved, if Virgil didn't make such a brash decision, it wouldn't have happened. He hadn't thought about the affect, longterm behavior of Thomas.

Speaking of not thinking things through, he also done something else that was stupid: revealing his name, Virgil.

And that wasn't extraordinary, like, them knowing his name wasn't an incredible thing to know. But all of them grew so interested in him, and Virgil didn't even know why. Why would they want him in there little family, relationship, he'd never asked? But that didn't matter, cause he'd never know, and they'll stop caring, one way or another.

And they were always asking now, if he wanted a hug, to hold hands, even before. And while Virgil wanted to say yes, surprise, he was reakly anxious about it. He'd never been touched before, and he didn't want them wasting their time on Anxiety, of all people. So, they stopped asking. The final nail in the coffin (figurative one) for why they certainly didn't like him, wasting their indispensable kindness on who? Him.

So, he was back in session. But Virgil chose a different approach than his last attempts at staying away from the lights: cold shoulder. He avoided them like the plague, talked only when asked and refrained from leaving his room unless he absolutely had to.

They would get over it, eventually. Virgil wasn't particularly interesting, not enough to be a part of their relationship (he'd asked Patton, an exception to his rule, and Pat confirmed that yes, they were in a poly relationship.) And it was shockingly upseting being away. Hed gotten used to Roman singing at an ungodly hour, to Logans soft smiles at early morning, to Patton giving him a thumbs up when he did a good job. It was nice, being around them. Which was just that, he'd gotten used to their company, making this ten times harder.

Though, they were all very nice, and he was being very not nice, but they'd understand why. Maybe one day, they'll thank him. Tell him how glad that Virgil disposed himself so they could continue, to let Virgil rot, cause surely he deserved it. He deserved this twist in his chest at having to shut Roman down for watching a movie, watching the princes step have less of a spring at being denied. Had to let his cool stay present when seeing a slight shine of worry from Logan when Virgil insisted he already ate. Had to keep down the tears, the desire, the yearning of jumping into Pattons arms at the offer to hold him, and ignoring the desperation right after.

And he hated it. But, Virgil knew, now more than ever that it was for the best.

So, sitting by himself, and laying down across his bed sheets, he ran his thoughts. He'd run out of real excuses days ago, and was now considering leaving entirely.

Not ducking out, no, Virgil didn't want Thomas to be hurt because of him. But maybe, going back to the dark, would be helpful. Virgil knew the lights were busy, always doing something, and they would probably continue with themselves, with each other. Wouldn't even notice Virgils absence.

Virgil thought about it, twirling his pen in the air, the fan on for noise instead of dispersing the heat. No, he decided, not gonna damage Thomas fight or flight. He'll need it. Just because he wasn't worth it, didn't mean he'd hirt himself in response. He'd done it before, it never helped.

All he could do, was lay low.

After ten minutes of quite literally doing nothing, a knock could be heard. A soft one, but stern, someone who wouldn't be ignored. Virgil groaned. They didn't need him, they'd be fine, talking to them will make them feel worse.

But, he always answered now after a particular long conversation, a promise he'd always regret. Drawing out the progress of putting his dark jacket on, Virgil opened the door, guiding his eyes down to the floor, "Yes?"

A hand, maybe Pattons rested on his shoulder, as Logan, in a shockingly soft tone, "I believe speaking with you right now is the best course of action, but if you'd rather..." his voice trailed off.

Confused, and rather spellbound by the lasting contact on his shoulder, Virgil made the mistake of lifting his head. Roman and Pattons eyes widened and Logan actually flinched.

"Have-have you been crying, Dear stormcloud?" Virgil blinked, lifting his hand to his cheeks at Tomans question. Damp and cold, "Apparently. I didn't-I couldn't really notice, I haven't been-" He cut himself off.

"What?" Patton had asked softly, now rubbing light patterns. Virgil flinched at the change, Patton drawing his hand away immediately. Good, Virgil didn't like that at all, didn't find Pat comforting in the slightest, "I just haven't been sleepin much, no worries."

A pause. Reading his face, Virgil presumed. Looking to see what he knew already, so the lecture didn't waste all their time. "Do you-would you like to join us?" Virgil nodded, even though his stomache flipped at Romans proposition, "We were gonna watch a movie, but we don't have to."

Virgil shook his head, already walking out his doorway and down the hall, "Thats fine" I'm fine, went unsaid.

So no one spoke for the first half of Toy Story 2, sitting, tight knit on the sofa. Everyone accept Virgil, who sat deeply in the armchair, much too small and scared for the likings of the lights. But at some point, the silent conversation was too much for him, and Logan swiftly grabbed the remote, pausing the movie.

"Finally." Roman muttered as both Logan and Patton straightened, and Princey looked more attentive. Looks like he was caught, and That the coffin was being nailed shut, (still figurative, Logan.) That was fine, Virgil could handle it.

"Virgil." And Virgil couldn't help, but be nervous by the no nonsense tone of Logans voice, his mind running on autopilot as he lifted his head from being addressed so directly, "You have been avoiding us lately, care to have any explanation as to why you believe avoiding us will do you any good."

Now Virgil was really confused, "Wait, but, how do you, why do you think that." Roman raised an eyebrow, "You talk in your sleep, and let me tell you, I know you haven't been paying attention to Woody or his number one crewmates."

Virgil shifted in his chair, so he could easily run, before letting his gaze unto the carpet. "I know I can be hard to manage, and that me being around isn't always pleasent. But, more than that, I didn't want to, ruin your relationship." The wide eyed stares he got showed he needed to be more specific.

"Like, I ruin everything I touch, which is good thing I've never touched anyone other than holding Princeys hand. And that was a mistake." Virgil sighed. Get to the point, loser, they need to know, "I can ruin something as good as you, I know I can't do it. And your all so nice, and patient, and yet, I know it won't last. So, I decided to take a step back. You were fine, you weren't really upset, cause what good could I be to you all anyway, like-"

"Virgil"

Anxiety paused, looking up to see the upset eyes of the lights sides. Great, he'd made them all mad. Good job! "It's okay. Your not ruining anyone, especially not us."

Virgil opened his mouth to object, but was cut off, "We love you. Were sorry if we made that unclear, but we do. So very much." Roman gave him a real smile, and being the gay dick he was, blew him a kiss like he was a fucking princess. Who did he think he was, making Virgil feel so warm and tingly by a quick motion.

"We've been trying to spend time with you for awhile, and we know it'll take time to understand that yes, we want you around and yes, you may want us around, and may ask for us. But we'll get there." Patton nodded encouragingly at Logans sentiment. "Now, asking again here, you wanna just be held for awhile? We can talk about the harder stuff later."

Virgil knew, that that was his chance. To stop this stupid attempt at help, to stop the hope, the tingly feeling in his chest. To let it be the way it was before, and simply let them be. But the funeral was closed, and The casket was opening, and Virgil could stop the feeble nod at the mere idea of being held, being touched.

The others smiled, more out of relief than anything, and waved him over. Scared Virgil stood on shaky legs, letting himsf down squished between Patton and Logan.

The others assembled into a new posistion: Roman in Patton's lap, Patton leaning on Logans shoulder, and Virgil on Logans lap, holding him close, and intimate and Virgil certainly wasn't panicking, no thank you.

The night when on faster than any of them liked, and by the end credits of their third choice, two sides were snoring to Virgils right.

"Virgil." Logan sounded quiet, sweet. And very real. "I am aware that you are touch starved, so please, always tell me if you are overwelmed, want to stop, or would like to change posistions. Your wants are important." Virgil felt, Logan rest his head against his neck. He breathing fell apart. No ones ever touched him, especially not like this.

Logan was just above whispering now, a low voice right beside his ear, comforting and constant, and so, very real, "If you want affection, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, do not be afraid to ask. We are family, and we will always try our best to answer.

And Virgil still felt guilty. He decided later that hed always feel guilty, at least a little. And that was okay, because things were changing. And he was happy to report that he had returned the coffin, and the nails weren't jiggling in his pockets.