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diyunho · 6 years

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The Joker x Reader -”Venom” Part 2

The Joker broke into a top secret lab to steal vials with an experimental pathogen and what he found in there was actually Venom. From that moment on life has been more complicated, but thankfully chaos is The King of Gotham’s trademark style.

Part 1: http://diyunho(dot)tumblr.com/post/179365800921/the-joker-x-reader-venom

-- You and The Joker are spending the day at the beach with Venom. The symbiote is frying in the scorching sun while the couple found refuge beneath the huge umbrella.

“Aren’t you hot?” you address the alien and he turns on his side, enjoying the outdoors.

“No. On my planet we have 10 suns like this one so I’m cold.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! Did you hear that?” you enthusiastically elbow J. He’s currently dozing off with his head on your tummy because he wants to feel the baby kicking. I mean, you're one month pregnant and there’s really nothing going on yet but The King of Gotham dismissed the obvious.

“Huh?” The Joker opens one eye, unhappy to be woken up.

“On Venom’s planet they have 10 suns!” you repeat, super passionate on the subject.

“Fascinating,” J growls under his breath. “Aren’t they on the verge of extinction if they only have 10 young males in their world?”

“What?!” you frown, not understanding what he means.

“You said they have 10 sons,” J gets annoyed since it’s not clicking for you.

How does he always misinterprets everything?!

“No, not 10 sons as in kids, 10 suns as in celestial bodies!” you flare your arms around, pointing at the shiny globe in the sky.

“Stop wiggling around, the baby might move and I’ll miss it!” J gets pissed and holds you tighter.

“The baby won’t move. There’s barely anything in here!” you poke your tummy. “We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, too early to tell.”

Venom yawns and extends one of his arms to touch your tummy for a few moments, carefully listening.

“The little human is going to be like you, Y/N.”

You gasp and The Joker lifts his head up, suddenly alert.

“You mean a girl?!” your boyfriend’s mouth opens in amazement.

The alien licks some sand because he loves the taste, then nods in agreement.

“Yes. Mmmmm…crunchy…” Venom shoves more sand in his face, savoring the exquisite flavor.

“We’re gonna have a girl!” you scream and kiss The Joker, while he’s still stunned. “We should start decorating the nursery! Let’s go on a heist tonight!”

“Great idea, Pumpkin!” he agrees, already having a place in mind.

-- Yeah…it didn’t happen. Y/N and J had a huge fight and she left to spend the night at the hideout near the Bridge of Angels. She’s actually contemplating spending the rest of her life there…

If only!

You took a hot shower and just began reading a book, not that you can concentrate on the words dancing in front of your eyes.

You jump when the sound of broken glass interrupts your quiet night. Something else is being smashed, then another object. You creep out from behind the wall to take a peak in the main warehouse only to see Venom on a rampage, shattering a bunch of your favorite art pieces.

“What the hell are you doing?!” you barge in as the alien prepares to wreck a valuable Ming Dynasty ceremonial vase, gifted to you by the Joker two months ago. “That’s part of my collection!” you yell at him and Venom brings you up to date:

“This is how we woo females on my planet: we destroy everything they like!” and without further comment: Bam! your beloved vase is history. Literally.

You are so outraged you forgot to breathe.

“If you touch one more thing I’ll never talk to you again!!”

The symbiote doesn’t have any doubts about his courtship skills, but hearing your serious threat makes him have second thoughts:

“It didn’t work…” Venom whispers to The King of Gotham.

“Did he put you up to this?” you sulk and prepare to let out an outpour of indignation.

“No. I told him what my kind does to get the attention of a female and he said it’s a great idea, plus that we should also blow up your car after we’re done here to seal the deal.”

“Excuse me?!” you get on your toes in order to be closer to Venom’s face.

Uh-oh, you seem super mad.

“You’re on your own,” the alien immediately disappears, leaving his host completely exposed to an angry Y/N.

“Goddamn traitor,” The Joker shrieks through his clenched jaw.

You and J glare at each other with contempt, ready to fight again.

“Why are you here?” you pout and as usually, your boyfriend blames another:

“Venom dragged me out of The Penthouse in the middle of the night against my will! I didn’t want to see you!”

“We missed you and he couldn’t sleep,” the alien’s voice spits out.

“Shut up!” J growls and Venom has more information:

“He was afraid you’re not coming back and panicked. So we decided to come for you.”

“These are aberrations,” the feisty Joker casually scratches his thigh, accidentally pulling down on his gold boxers that happen to be your favorite. The elastic fabric nicely hugs all his perfect curves, not that you noticed such a trivial detail.

“What are you doing?” Venom hisses in his host’s ear.

“Zip it! This is how we woo women on this planet!” The Clown prince of Crime grumbles as your eyes check him out.

-- “Go home…” you kick his shin, your defense lowered due to the skimpy attire he’s wearing.

“He says you are his home,” Venom reads The Joker’s mind and decides to share.

“I didn’t say such nonsense!” J straightens his back, proudly disclosing his perspective on the matter.

“You were thinking it,” the symbiote blurs out. “And he really missed you.”

“I was only gone for three hours,” you pout and The Joker scolds the alien:

“Stay put and shut your trap!”

Y/N is contemplating her existential choices while The Joker crosses his arms on his chest, mentioning the main hardship:

“I’m cold!”

“Maybe you should have worn more clothes than a pair of tight boxers,” you unconsciously bite on your lip.

“It’s none of your business how I decide to dress myself,” J blows a rebellious strand of green hair off his face, indifferently resting his arms on his hips now, this way you can see the tattoos in all their glory.

Not to mention the soft skin you certainly don’t care about.

You’re still hesitating so it needs to be reinforced:

“I said I’m cold!”

A second look at those boxers and you pout more.

“Come to bed then…” you drag your feet on the concrete and the boyfriend follows with a huge smirk.

“I can’t believe you did something right!” Venom is sincerely amazed at the Joker’s strategy.

“Give me five!” J extends his hand in the air and the alien hisses:

“Five what?”

“Ugh, you’re killing me!”

“No, I’m not. Our DNAs are a match. I’m not harmful to you; quite the opposite.”

“Seriously now!” J gets annoyed because sometimes Venom doesn’t get the meaning of Earth’s entire vocabulary.

“I’m always serious,” the symbiote doesn’t get this one either.

J is short on patience and doesn’t have time to explain the meaning of words in different contexts so he teases:

“If you’re always serious, come out and have a serious talk with Y/N.”

“No way,” the alien refuses. “My survival instincts advise of the opposite. On my planet we don’t mess with enraged members of the opposite sex: they’re very dangerous.”

“Pfft, you guys are sissies, you don’t know how to handle them,” J expresses his conviction on a subject he has no clue about.

“But you don’t know how to handle Y/N, you mess up all the time. Aren’t you a sissy too?” the symbiote innocently concludes.

The Joker is absolutely, indubitably and unquestionably shocked at the remark.

“How dare you?! I’m The Joker and…”

“We are Venom!” the alien argues.

“No, we are Joker!”

“Venom!”

“Joker!”

“Not again!” the annoyed girlfriend crawls on her side of the bed, fed up with her shitty night.

-- You keep your distance and J pulls you on top of him without any extra effort.

“Warm me up!” he slides his fingers in your pajama shorts, gropes your butt and keeps his hands there. “First you’re gonna warm me up because it improves my dexterity, then we’re gonna full around and then I’ll listen to the baby,” a new schedule is laid out.

“There’s nothing to listen to, our daughter is just a small bean,” you grouchily mutter. “And I don’t want to full around, I’m upset.”

“Then get off me, Y/N!” The Joker smells your hair, holding you tighter.

“No…” you adjust your body on top of his, squirming around since it’s nice to feel him close.

“I bet in 10 minutes you’ll rip my boxers to pieces; I know you want me, you’re just playing hard to get.”

You sniffle and bury your face in his neck; such a strange coincidence he’s wearing your favorite cologne.

“Mark my words: 10 minutes!” The Joker’s prediction resonates in your exhausted brain.

In about 7 minutes you’re both out, tired after the eventful evening; Venom finally emerges, testing the waters.

You’re snoring with your mouth opened, also drooling a little bit and one dark tentacle gently pushes up your chin.

Snoring intensifies.

“Such beautiful sounds coming out of her,” Venom admires the noise and curls around the King and Queen of Gotham. “Nice humans,” he licks your foreheads, pleased the cringe worthy octanes flowing out of Y/N are getting louder and louder.

-- “We have company!” you warn your boyfriend and Venom is more than excited: he took over for tonight’s robbery at the baby store, this way everything runs smoother. Batsy’s cape is floating on the top of the opposite building and the alien opens one of the huge windows, waving at the masked vigilante.

The Batman’s body is transformed into Venom’s favorite relative, the creature expanding until it reaches over.

“This is my cousin Poison,” the symbiote presents him to a totally smitten Y/N.

“Oh… my…. God… so cute!” you squeal and Venom adds:

“It’s a burden that cursed the entire family.”

“I like your girlfriend,” Poison wraps himself around your waist and you giggle, ticklish at his touch. “We’re still single,” he gestures towards Bruce Wayne. “He ordered a new pair of tights so I guess we’ll be busy for a while.”

Venom lets The Joker out because he wants to get his nemesis’s attention:

“Hey, hey!!” J flares his arms around. “Hey, loser!!! How are the stretchy pants fitting, huh?” he maliciously snickers and Batsy gets worked up at the innuendos.

“What did you say, Clown??!!”

“STREEETCHY PAAAANNTTTSSS!” The Joker has no problem yelling back the insult.

“I had enough of his crap!! Let’s get him!!” Batman commands his alien without success:

“I’m not engaging in any type of combat with cousin Venom!”

“We’re going to beat that jerk to a pulp!” J fumes as his symbiote yanks him away from the imminent altercation:

“No, I’m not fighting cousin Poison! I told you we like each other!”

-- Jeez, such a mess: The Joker was furious at the missed opportunity, not to count your disappointment that the first encounter with Venom’s cousin was abruptly ended over some stupid stretchy pants.

Things calmed down in the household after you started talking about baby names again, all three parties involved finally agreeing on the first name: Emma.

But the last name… that’s a different story.

“Emma Von Joker sounds very royal,” J scoffs and arrogantly ignores your displeased attitude.

“Emma Von Venom is better!” the alien clings to you, softly petting your knees in order to get your approval.

“Von Joker!”

“Von Venom!”

You wish there was a way you could beam them both into outer space because they’re driving you nuts.

Thankfully, you might have a solution to end the useless conflict:

“What if we use that couple name you came up with last week?”

“JoVen?” The Joker gets pumped up since it was his idea.

“Emma Von JoVen,” the symbiote debates, then exposes all his 89 teeth in what you might call a smile. “It sounds good.”

“Hmmm…. has a certain ring to it,” J takes the bait.

“What if we skip the “Von” and we just go straight to Emma JoVen?” you manipulate the conversation in order to get what you want. You caress Venom’s big head and seductively wink at your boyfriend, puckering your lips in the process.

The Joker is so eager to get laid after falling asleep last night he’s not fussing for once:

“Alright, we can do that.”

“OK,” the alien is fast to agree, happy he has your affection again.

Despite everything, Venom and his host are pretty lucky to have a woman they don’t know how to handle.

Not bad for two sissies.