#mod herself is eepytired. method acting /j

[betonbennett]

I've seen you talk about your sleep issues and I thought you may be interested in my experience – I've had nightmares for the better half of my life, occurring both due to natural and supernatural reasons.

They are going to last. Possibly forever; I haven't found a way out so far, so I doubt you will either. You better brace yourself for that, though it's not like it will wait for you to get ready.

You should get used to the lack of sleep, eventually. You may try to relieve this by sleeping whenever you can, however, you should be aware that it is never going to be a pleasant experience again. For me, sleeping during the day (whenever I can manage to fall asleep in the first place) usually intensifies the fear and, as a result, the feeling of being drained, but sometimes it is necessary to take that compromise. Sleep will always be a compromise now.

Try not to neglect it, though. While it may be detrimental to your mental condition, your body still does depend on it, which you will find out very quickly if you ever attempt to avoid it for an extended period of time.

There is another issue, although I'm not sure if it will touch you, since for me it started before I even met Jonah. I developed insomnia a long time ago, which haven't passed even after all this time. It... complicates everything, as you can imagine. I sincerely hope this shall not affect you, but I have to warn you that it is a possibility nonetheless.

Do not mull over your dreams. I understand that those nightmares that are more supernaturally inclined tend to stick in the memory vividly, but it will do you no good. They don't have anything new to tell you, there is no hidden meaning or higher purpose to them. It is simply suffering for the sake of suffering. Make yourself some tea, don't think about it and try to fall asleep again.

I apologies for the length of this missive. I haven't really said anything useful or encouraging, but there is nothing of the sort to say, I'm afraid. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.

-J.F.

Jonathan– God, Jonathan I–...you simply will not leave me in peace, will you?

No, you most certainly haven't said anything useful, let alone anything encouraging. But not to worry, I've already given up on anything of that sort coming from you. At least you aren't calling me a monster for this as well– not yet, anyway.

You will laugh at me for this, but I have been trying to avoid sleep. Willingly, at first– now the fear of sleep comes to me almost as naturally as the need for it. I dread leaning my head or my back against furniture or walls, lest I fall asleep for long enough for the dreams to return to me. It's– pathetic, really. Then again, I always have been, have I not?

Even if they are suffering for the sake of suffering, my dreams have plenty of meaning, thank you very much– and I would ask you not to speak of them as though you know anything about them, if you would be so kind. Although they have never told me anything I didn't know, only reminded me of what I refused to acknowledge.

I wish you could hold me. I always slept so well in your arms– But why would you hold someone you despise so? In fact, now that I think about it, I would most certainly not be surprised if you had written to me with the sole purpose of revelling in my suffering. But Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, Jonathan, I am sure dwelling on your pain will prove a more than suitable distraction from my own. Lord, I miss talking to you. I hope you're alright– No, I hope you aren't, not without me. I hope you miss me too.