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waywardstraysau · 1 year

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Monks meet Misfits

By: Mod Nightmare!

Or, Hunter is a fucking feral menace and Edric tries to explain the difference between what is good and what is right to Omi, with no success

…………

“How on earth do you manage to carve that so smoothly while riding Vex?” Edric asked as the two boys were soaring through the air, a successful grocery run having lifted their spirits. Edric was clinging to his glassy, turquoise-tinted staff with trepidation, Cedric staying perfectly still on the end. Hunter, meanwhile, idly sat sideways on his own mahogany one, his palisman, Vex, flapping her wings at the front to keep them steady. The short violette shrugged, seemingly more preoccupied with detailing his latest palisman project, a Crimson Valstrax, rather than paying attention to steering.

“Vex knows how to fly on her own, and how to get back to base, so why wouldn’t I take the opportunity to work on my project?” he hummed absently, switching to his thumb claw to dig something out in the head area, “If you trusted Cedric a little more you’d know you can’t physically fall off your palisman, only knocked off by external forces.”

“Uhhh, like a giant sky lizard coming right for us!?” Edric screeched, frantically diving out of the sky just as Hunter looked back up, only to be met by a large reptilian face, stopped mere inches from his nose.

"Huh, I didn’t know dragons were a hazard in these skies," Hunter mused to himself, blinking as his new companion in the sky did the same, mirroring his confusion, “Hi?”

“Hello.”

The two resumed their awkward staring contest a few moments more, what could be said in such a bizarre situation? Neither had experience greeting unknown living entities on personal flights before.

“Uh, Dojo, why'd we stop?” a voice called from behind the face, and a teen's head popped up over the dragon’s frill, breaking the little trance of awkwardness that both fliers were in. Hunter tilted his head at the newcomer, before having to physically stop himself from scowling as more heads popped up from behind the dragons crest.

“Greetings!” Hunter replied, feigning friendliness as he forced his body to relax. If the ten gallon hat didn’t tip him off, the giant bald head definitely did, and he would be damned if he gave those monks any indication he knew of them, “What’s a ragtag group of kids like you doing up in these skies this fine afternoon?”

“We should ask you the same question, given you don’t look much older than me,” the girl, who Hunter assumed to be Kimiko, shot back, aggression laced heavily in her tone, “What idiot goes around riding on a stick in the middle of the sky!?”

“Idiots, friend, there were two of us riding staffs up here a moment ago,” Hunter hummed, peering over the side of his staff as he tucked his current project in his satchel, scanning the vicinity for any hint of icy green. Spotting his companion had oriented himself a few hundred yards below, Hunter turned back to address his new company, “Okay, good, he caught himself. And if you must know, we were on a grocery run. Not all of us have the immediate option of flying home on dragon back, friend”

“I take offense to that statement,” Vex muttered as Kimiko seemed to relax, accepting the violette's answer. The Brazilian, Raimundo if Hunter had to guess, didn’t look to comforted.

“Yeah, but… how? Why?” the leader asked, eyeing where Vex was positioned on the end of Hunter’s staff.

“Because I’m a witch. It’s what we do,” Hunter cackled, enjoying messing with the monk squad as Edric finally managed to get back up to the group, “What about you fou-five? If that isn’t a wheel of cheese there”

“I am no cheese!” Omi shot back, jumping up and sliding down the end of Dojo’s snout, meeting Hunter eye to eye as he stood up straighter, hand on his chest, “I am Omi! We are the monks of the Xiaolin Temple, here to retrieve the Cat’s Eye Necklace, a Shen Gong Wu that has revealed itself in the area, for the side of good!”

“OMI!” his human compatriots yelled down at the boy as Edric picked up on the situation in the corner of Hunter’s eye, tilting his head in faux confusion at the smaller boys proclamation.

“Shien gon- pardon me?” the greenette questioned, catching the monks off guard as they all turned to stare at him, as if he were insane, “What?”

“You- you aren’t here for the Wu? You really have no idea?” Kimiko questioned in disbelief, switching her gaze between both boys, Hunter taking on his own clueless expression.

“Uh, no? We were on the way home, not looking for whatever mouthful thing cheese-boy is talking about,” Hunter replied, subtly backing up a few feet to put some distance between himself and the smallest monk, knowing the destruction he was capable of, “Did you guys lose this… Cat’s Eye Necklace thing?”

“Kinda did, kinda didn’t,” the resident Texan replied, scratching his head under the tip of his hat, “Its a long story, probably nothin’ y’all’d be interested in”

“Probably not,” Edric agreed, tapping his forefinger on the side of his staff, three times, a signal between the two witches akin to “play along”, “But if you guys lost something, we could help you find it! Hunter here really lives up to his namesake.”

“Yup, once spotted a white rabbit we were looking for in a herd of sheep from thirty meters up,” the violette agreed, kicking his legs out a bit, “You need something found? I’m your guy”

“Ooh, that sounds most impressive!” Omi agreed with a little clap, while his companions shared a look between themselves behind his back, “Like finding hay in the needle stack! Your skill could be most useful for this mission”

“If you’re willing to accept our help, that is,” Edric chuckled, while Hunter discreetly side-eyed the other monks, who seemed to have made an unspoken decision, “And its “Needle in a haystack””

“Eh, Potato, Tomato,” Omi replied with a smile as he sat down on the dragons snout, his three other friends finally looking back at the two witches.

��If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, we wouldn’t particularly mind if you two helped us out,” Raimundo finally spoke, while Kimiko and Clay (by process of elimination) shot each other some strange looks.

“You kidding? I’m basically a housewife to this joker, It would be an honor.”

…………….

Deceiving the rest of the monk squad turned out to be a lot easier than Hunter anticipated. Dojo was easily swayed from his suspicions with snacks, Kimiko and Clay dropped their walls with a few palisman facts, and Raimundo seemed to be comforted by how well Edric got along with Omi, even if the former was trying to breach the subject of the difference between perceived inner heroism and actual good, and failing.

“Like the fish in the barrel,” Vex purred in Hunter’s ear as the group worked their way through the ruins within the forest, checking behind every corner and in every crevice, “The noodle dragon is trying to subtly breach our magic consciousness, but all he’s getting is facts about the Malzeno in MHR from me, and frozen fish recipes from Cedric.”

"Good. We need them to have their guards down before the inevitable Showdown, I need them to WANT to wager something in anger when I pull the rug." Hunter mused, gently scratching at the back of his palisman’s frills. Clay and Kimiko didn’t want the violette too far away for whatever reason, so he had to make do with only exchanging messages between Vex and himself. Who-

“Hey, Scene Boy,” Kimiko called, distracting Hunter from his thoughts as he turned to face the smaller teen, eyebrow raised, “If one were to, hypothetically, want a palisman for herself, where could she find one?”

“Well, you don’t find a palisman, first of all,” Hunter clarified, subtly scanning the area around them as he addressed his temporary companion, “And second, a palisman isn’t some wild animal, nor is it a pet, or commodity. You can’t just buy one, you can’t own one, there are a LOT of requirements to be met beforehand-“

“I understand nothing about what you’re saying,” the girl cut Hunter off, earning herself a deadpan look from the witch as Clay chimed in.

“He means ya can’t have one, Kimiko, ya ain’t qualified,” the Texan clarified, earning himself an appreciative nod from the other boy in their group.

“That exactly,” Hunter agreed, stroking the side of Vex’s neck as she lifted her head to glare at Kimiko, “Palisman are sentient, and if they don’t… lets say vibe, on your wavelength, they will not tolerate you for any reason. Most temporarily petrify themselves in self-defense if someone other than their witch tries to cast a spell with them”

As if to prove a point, Hunter silently commanded Vex to resume her staff form, then drew a circle in the air with her, producing a pair of flower crowns that dropped down on the monks heads, which actually startled Clay quite badly.

“If you tried that, Vex would probably end up biting you instead of just petrifying herself, so we aren’t gonna do a physical demonstration of that part,” the violette chuckled as Kimiko readjusted her new crown, eyes sparkling in awe. Vex hissed at her from where she was perched, as if to warn the smaller teen to back off, but neither monk paid her mind.

“Why would she bite? Ain’t she domesticated?” Clay questioned as the trio continued further into the crumbling city, making Hunter cackle a bit.

“Nah, Vex is her own woman. She’s modeled after a vampire dragon from my favorite game, so biting is probably her first instinct when someone tries to handle her aside from myself,” the violette clarified, watching as Vex traded glares with the Xiaolin Dragon of Fire.

“Maybe she just don’t like other girls?” Clay mused, to which Hunter seemed to think on for a bit.

“I never thought of that, she’s actually been pretty aggressive with any teenage girl who isn’t my sister, Luz,” he hummed, subtly tapping the base of Vex’s staff against the ground to cast a spell under the radar, “I almost got shanked when she bit Edric’s sister, but she’s also Luz’ girlfriend, so I guess the threat was warranted”

“Wait, yer companion wasn’t the one threatening ya for that?” Clay asked, confusion all over his face when Hunter absently looked back at him, subtly leading the entire group in a new direction from his leading position, “I mean, Vex did go an’ bite his kin”

“Amity would throw me into the Boiling Sea if I DARED try the protective older brother routine!” Edric called from his position with Omi and Raimundo, the latter two having their own little interaction at the moment. Omi then asked Edric something, and the greenette went right back in to his conversation with the other boy as Hunter gestured in his direction. “What? No! Thats not a euphemism-“

“That why. The Blights don’t exactly… tolerate each other, not anymore,” Hunter replied, ear twitching a bit when he got a hit. Clay looked like he was about to continue the conversation, but Hunter raised his hand, cutting off whatever the Texan was about to say as he got into a defensive position.

The forest had gone silent around them, the sounds of nature having fled, leaving only the four-way argument that developed when Omi had said something unnecessarily misogynistic a bit before.

Clay seemed to get the hint, and scooted closer to the violette, summoning his wudai weapon as he scanned the undergrowth with suspicion.

*shuff*

“Sǐ biǎo zi!” Hunter shouted, teleporting to intercept the claws that had been moments away from slicing Kimiko’s face into ribbons. With his sudden shout, Edric and the rest of the Xiaolin Dragons quickly switched to battle stances, as Hunter threw back the attacker who’d attempted an ambush, the girl landing readily on her feet.

“Heh, guess I should’ve listened when Mistress Wuya said you’d be a purr-oblem,” Ashley, in full Katnappé attire, giggled as a group of large jungle cats slunk from the forest behind her, fur bristling in rage. The Xiaolin monks mostly groaned in annoyance, aside from Raimundo, who was shooting a suspicious glance in Hunter’s direction. “Was destroying part of our glorious Heylin fortress not enough for you kitties?”

“I believe your dipshit master was asking for it when he’d locked us up in his weird sex dungeon,” Edric growled as Hunter noticed the golden necklace fastened around the other teens neck, its gem glinting menacingly in the limited light. Using Edric’s barbs as a distraction, Hunter quietly scooted back so he was next to Raimundo, who looked ready to stab someone if things weren’t explained.

“She has the Wu you’re looking for. Give me something to wager, and I can get in close enough to initiate a challenge before someone can get hurt” the violette whispered, earning himself an offended look from the Brazilian.

“So you were-“ he begun to hiss, but Hunter slapped his hand over his mouth with a glare.

“I was NOT initially. I only know how this shit works because Edric and I were locked up by some megalomaniac a week back and his bitch wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the Shen Gong Wu,” Hunter half lied with a hushed growl, eying how Ashley’s now very real tail lashed behind her, a fight mere moments from breaking out, “I wager we have about fifteen seconds before the furry orders her new playmates to start mauling, so either hand over one of the Wu, or I’m stealing your weapon and putting that up for grabs, because I am not letting Edric get hurt on my watch today”

“… fine,” Raimundo consented, and quickly passed Hunter a familiar coin he’d been storing in his pocket, just in case.

Needing no further command, the violette darted in-between the two parties just as Ashley signaled for an attack, only for the order to be cut off by Hunter grabbing onto her little accessory, which lit up with a familiar golden glow.

“Ashley, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown,” Hunter hissed victoriously, yanking the girl down to his level, “Your little Cat’s Eye Necklace for the Mantis Flip Coin, in Trial By Combat”

“Pfft, and why would I wager my glorious little charm for that old coin? It’s everything I could ever wish for in a Wu,” the catified girl scoffed, earning herself a feral grin from the small witch as he yanked on the chain around her neck, causing her to cry out in pain.

“Because I will NOT hesitate to remove your head with the chain of your precious accessory if you don’t”

“Can he do that?” Omi asked Dojo in the background as Hunter yanked the chain again, Ashley yelping as she realized the witch wasn’t idly threatening her.

“Yeah, can he!? He’s threatening my life here!” the blonde cried as Dojo flipped through his rule book, Hunter’s glare never wavering as the consensus was given.

“According to the rules, if one refuses a Xiaolin Showdown, they forfeit any protections the rules of magic engagement provide to prevent unnecessary fatalities” Dojo declared, making Hunter grin even wider as Ashley looked back at him in horror. “So, yes, this is completely legal, and Hunter can indeed choose to kill you if you officially reject his challenge”

“Then I accept! I ACCEPT!” Ashley cried out, and her Wu vanished in a burst of golden light, alongside the Mantis Flip Coin as reality warped around the three parties, pillars of stone rising from the murky gloom. Ashley jumped away from Hunter as the land fell away into a circular arena, with a little pillar for the monks, and a separate one for Edric to spectate at a safe distance, which Vex flew off to join him on. “You’re fucking insane! What’s your damage!?”

“His damage is you were an asshole to our friend, and we hate you!” Edric called from his “seat”, before turning to look at the monks on the nearby adjacent pillar with a little grin. “And sorry to say, we don’t really like you guys either, our little truce was mostly an act”

“What!? Why? Who could we have-!?” Kimiko spluttered in shock and anger, Omi and Clay looking quite saddened as Hunter nodded up at the peanut gallery to affirm his agreement with his companion. “We don’t like Ashley either! Why-“

“I KNEW IT!” a new voice suddenly cut through the gloom, and everyone turned to find Jack himself flying over to Edric’s pillar, landing as he jabbed a finger into the greenettes chest, “You left base to confront the Xiaolin Losers while I was sleeping, didn’t you!?”

“Jack!?/Spicer!?” chorused from Ashley and the rest of the peanut gallery, sans Hunter, who was looking smug, and Edric, who was holding his hands up with an awkward smile.

“That wasn’t initially the plan, to be fair-“ Edric tried to explain, but Ashley’s shouting cut the greenette off.

“You have to be KITTEN me! That loser is that friend I was an ass to?” the blonde turned on Hunter, gesturing to Jack like he was some unpleasant pest, which made the violettes expression morph into something less than friendly, “He’s the biggest jerk in all of China! You were seriously going to decapitate me over him!?”

“Decapitate!?” Jack yelped, earning a surprised look from the monks on the other pillar. “Hunter, what the fuck!?”

“Um, excuse me, but there are more important things going on than my promise of murder” the small violette gestured to the world around them, reminding everyone of the current situation, turning back to Ashley, “This is a Xiaolin Showdown, not a circus!” He proclaimed, before pointing at the monks, then Ashley again as he spoke. “I’ll be exacting vengeance upon you five later, but she’s first on my immediate list for the little stunt she pulled trying to get us all mauled by jungle cats”

“What the actual hell did I MISS today?” Jack asked in exasperation as Edric patted him on the back.

“This is why night is usually the time for sleeping,” Edric hummed as Hunter charged for Ashley, who screamed as the violette clawed at her face, “You should have seen Hunter in action, he played those losers like damn fiddles”

“As much as it pains me to admit, your friend is absolutely right, Spicer,” Raimundo huffed, the three other monks (and Dojo) preoccupied by the spectacle that was Hunter chasing Ashley around the arena, shooting fireballs at her fleeing back, “You’ve befriended quite an accomplished actor on your break. Speaking of, where the hell did you go?”

“The country of Nunja,” Jack replied, standing up a little straighter as Edric stifled a giggle.

“’Nunja?” Raimondo questioned as Hunter closed in on Ashely below, grabbing at her faux tail with a murderous grin.

“Nunja business, fucker!” Jack cackled as Edric high fived him, as the dimensions warped once again, Hunter having pinned Ashley under a heeled boot below and claimed a swift victory. Vex darted down to join Hunter, transforming into a staff for him to mount as Edric and Jack rose into the air, Hunter joining them with the Cat’s Eye Necklace clutched in his free hand. “Now then, with that business taken care of, we must be off!”

“Wha-HEY! You can’t just-“ Omi shouted, only to be shut up as the Mantis Flip Coin nailed him right between the eyes, knocking him out cold as Jack and Edric cackled.

“Don’t fret, little monks, we are sure to meet again! We’re gonna need more Wu than this one, after all!” Hunter chuckled, winking as the trio of rouges rose into the air, ready to race back to base. “BYEEEEEE!”

With a flash of purple light, the Xiaolin Dragons were then left stranded in the ancient ruins, alone, somewhat scared of what was to come for the first time in a while.

……

I WAS NEVER DONE WITH THIS SERIES, JUST ON HIATUS!!!!

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