#moral of the story: don't skip your meds

[interdimensionalrealitymachine]

entry 24 10-22-22

thursday night into friday: due to reasons outside my control, i got to bed extremely late and knew i wasn't gonna get a lot of sleep, so i didn't take med for nightmares, which in hindsight was a poor decision bc i probably would've at least fallen asleep faster if i did take it. slept like two hours at most, didn't dream but just slept v poorly until right before my alarm

friday: had a therapy appt where i talked a lot about my dad; this week mom showed me a pic of him she'd found online where he was with a woman and it had thrown off my whole mood. not so much bc he was with someone (since mom and i had already figured he had a secret girlfriend he didn't want us to know about), but bc it was the first time i'd seen his face in over a year. spent most of the rest of the day out with mom, by the time we got home and settled in i was exhausted and passed out dreamlessly on the couch for a few hours

friday into saturday: actually took pill before going to bed, but it didn't help

dreamed i had flown down to visit dad and the entire time i was trying to talk to him he kept taking phone calls. i could never hear who was on the other end but could tell they were friends and not work calls. every time he hung up i'd ask who it was and he wouldn't give me an answer. i started trying to ask about if he was dating anyone and he denied it, until i mentioned the pic mom showed me and he finally admitted it was "one in a series of girlfriends" or something. i think i tried to ask if that was why he wouldn't come back home but don't remember getting an answer

not sure if it was the same dream but i think he was also like, still going to meetings and keeping up appearances of being a jw while dating multiple worldly women and i was like "why are you doing this. you can just stop going to meetings. no one knows you here, none of your family lives here, just leave and get it over with"

woke up briefly in the early afternoon, realized i'd forgotten to take my antidepressant on friday and knew if i didn't take my next dose right then i was going to feel miserable later bc of it, but fell asleep again before i could force myself to sit up and take it

dreamed my parents had gotten married again and moved into a big house that had just been remodeled (but i apparently lived elsewhere?), and i was upstairs talking to mom while dad worked on something in another room downstairs. she said he recently had tried to strangle or smother her in her sleep, and when she'd told one of her sisters (D) about it, D had come over and tried to kill *him*

there was a short interlude where i was in the kitchen trying to make salad: i'd break up the lettuce and put it in a bowl and start rinsing it with water, then look away for a second, and when i'd looked back the water would be that dark chlorophyll green, almost black, and the lettuce would have shriveled up and mostly dissolved. this happened like two or three times

suddenly i'm back upstairs with mom and we smell gas and hear a faint clicking sound like a lighter, and we bolt thru the house screaming for dad bc he's about to blow the house up. we find him in a room claiming to be working on something unrelated but i don't believe him and don't trust him to be around mom alone. he says that he and i could go spend the weekend at his place instead and i agree to that, but wake up before i can question the fact that he has a second place apart from where he's supposed to be living with mom lmao

it was at least 6 or 7pm by the time i woke up and took my antidepressant. i slept so tensed up that my muscles are still aching now. as predicted, my head feels awful bc of the missed meds, and after i'd eaten i took some painkillers and curled up on the couch to wait it out. it's finally getting better now, but i feel so worn out and run down that i'm really hoping this isn't the beginnings of me getting the flu or something

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

Man remember that time where I went without meds for two days and I ended up a hyperactive, energetic, chaotic fucking mess that literally couldn't sit still for 10 whole hours and spent those 10 hours jumping, running, dancing around? Bc I sure do and that wasn't a fun time.

Moral of the story, take your meds. Please don't skip doses. If you wanna come off your meds, talk to your doctor first. I didn't intend to miss my meds that time but dear god did it remind me that you shouldn't miss taking them like that.

[roamwithahungryheart]

JFC I feel sick from starting my meds again moral of the story don't skip your meds for like a week because you forgot to order more because you will feel like death warmed up

I need a hug 🤢😩