#more letters from enid to sera

[peace-coast-island]

#ChoicesCreates: "That was fun, let's do it again sometime!"

Title: Sillage (The Royal Romance) Summary: Sillage - the scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone. Enid Zuberi (MC) recalls some of the fun times she had with her friend Sera and wishes they had more time together. Companion to Quaintrelle and Mizpah.

@hollyashton @zigisbisexual

Earlier today I passed by the old playground across what used to be Angel’s Bakery. Remember how we’d hang out there after school on Fridays? You’d order cronuts, I’d get cream puffs, and Ollie would have waffles. On days when we didn’t have a lot of homework on the weekend we stayed until five and hung out on the playground. I wonder if I can find the tree we carved our names on. That is, if I can remember where it is.

Now the playground and bakery looks like something out of an old black and white movie. It’s sort of a strange way to put it, I know. When I stepped into the playground, it was like I was in another world. Not something to explore though, it felt kind of sad, as in that place was in its own bubble. never to be disturbed by the outside. What once felt so familiar and warm now feels foreign and almost hostile. The worst part is, when I tried to picture us running around in the playground, all I could see is the rusted playground equipment covered in dirt and leaves, making creaking noises when the wind blew.

Not to mention across the street there’s no longer a trace of Angel’s Bakery but instead a boarded up building that looks like it’s going to fall apart any minute. This part of the street is basically dead. There’s no one, nothing around here for blocks and blocks, only emptiness.

Why didn’t we ever come back? Maybe we did one last time, I probably forgot. Did we know that the bakery and other businesses over there were closing? What ever happened to “One more time, for old time’s sake?”. Looking back, maybe we could have done something special when we found out. But instead we let it be forgotten and carried on with our lives.

There’s no use in trying to retrieve memories that are lost to time, we know how hard and painful that is. But still, it hurts to forget something that once meant a lot. I’m afraid of waking up one day and not remembering things like the sound of your voice or how graceful you look in the wind when you’re sailing. Hell, I can’t even remember when was the last time we were there before it became abandoned. Was it after our sixth grade graduation? Earlier? Later?

When did we get so old, Sera?

I spent the weekend in Eden Villa visiting Ollie and helping Deedee move into her dorm. Hard to believe that it’s her last year at Eagle University. She’s been so busy lately that it seems like forever since we last saw each other. So it was a nice surprise when she called me and Ollie up.

After decorating her dorm, we had lunch at Villa Downtown Cafe. I thought the place looked familiar. The wall was decorated with all kinds of clocks, and then I saw one that caught my eye. It looked like a diorama except as a clock. Soft sandy yellows and browns mixed with beachy and ocean blues. In the shadows stood silhouettes of a sail and three small figures waving to the horizon. From the top hung small birds that swayed gently. The way the clock was integrated into the scenery was done only in a way that Sera Castiglioni could do it. Then I knew why that cafe seemed so familiar.

Five years ago, we visited that cafe, back when Ollie was starting Harvard. It was during Labor Day weekend and we wanted to surprise Ollie and celebrate his first week of college. At your suggestion we took a train to Eden to meet up with you. The first place we stopped by was Villa Downtown, a timeless cafe, kinda funny since the walls are full of clocks. I don’t remember much about the cafe but we had a great time around the villa. You always make a great tour guide, showing off all kinds of places and keeping us on our feet. Walking around Eden just doesn’t feel the same without you.

When I walked in the cafe for the first time, I was taken back by all the clocks decorating the walls. Who knew that clocks can be designed in so many ways? While we were waiting for our food I noticed a flyer for a clock designing contest. Ollie and I were surprised to find out that the cafe had did something like this every year and shocked that you didn’t think you were good enough to enter. It took a lot of poking and prodding but I finally convinced you to enter the contest. Told ya you’d win!

Ollie, Deedee, and I visited the beach, the film museum, and saw a show at the theater. Eden has changed so much since that visit five years ago. On our way to the beach we passed by the art museum, which was one of your favorite places in the world. I almost didn’t recognize it until Ollie pointed it out. From the outside, the museum has doubled in size. I can’t imagine how the inside looks but I bet it’s amazing. I think you mentioned that there was talk about renovating the place.

The beach was nice. It was a bit cloudy and cold so we didn’t go in the water. I took a walk and picked up some shells. I still have the ones from our last outing in my seashell box. It’s been a long time since I added to my collection. From what I can remember, not a lot has changed about the beach.

While going through my seashell box, I found a sand dollar necklace you made for me when Ollie and I visited. On our last night at Eden we spent the night at the beach where we built a fire and watched the stars. You bought your guitar and we sang a bunch of songs. After that you led us to your favorite diving spot, where earth meets sky, as you put it. We danced until dawn before heading back to the train station.

Before hopping on the train you said, “That was fun, let’s do it again sometime!”  Your words never left my mind since I got off the train. Then I saw the necklace and everything came flooding back to me. We never did a follow up to that adventure, did we?

Even after two years things like this still gets to me.

Guess who has two thumbs and nine bandaged fingers? For the past two days I made over fifty plushies for the Children’s Hospital Summer Fair. Not bad for someone who hasn’t sewn anything for a while. They’re nothing like your masterpieces but then what good would it be if I copied yours? I’m pretty happy with how mine turned out and they were a hit with the kids. By the end of the day, forty-nine of them were sold. I’m keeping the last one as a souvenir.

The fair was pretty fun, I had a great time helping out. I’ll admit that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to participate or not. I know I said that I’d keep the tradition going after you were gone but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And then the year after that a lot of things were going on that summer so I lost track of time. Now here I am two years later, back at the park hosting games and selling plushies.

While I was making plushies, all I could think about was you. Remember how much fun we had cutting up fuzzy socks, filling them up with stuffing, and sewing on details? Doing it alone was actually kind of fun, it’s been a while since I had a day to myself. Working double shifts is not my favorite thing but hey, you do what you gotta do. At least I’m getting paid, plus extra days off so it’s a win-lose thing. There’s something about art that’s so fascinating. Turning something like a sock into a cute kitten or puppy, it always amazes me. I guess that’s why I always look up to you a lot, Sera, because you are an artist. I never realized I forgot how much I enjoyed making these little plushies. Or how a child’s eyes lights up when they get to take one home.

While I was at the booth, I saw one little girl that reminded me of you. She was full of energy and a natural leader. For an eight year old she was beyond her years, walking around with her younger siblings and making sure that no one felt left you. She asked her mom for some money so she could buy five plushies, two for her brother and sister, one for a boy in a wheelchair who lost his leg from cancer, and one for a girl who’s going into isolation soon to prepare for a bone marrow transplant. Jenny was her name, a lymphoma patient and a true trooper. She spent a few weeks in the hospital for an infection and now she’s back home and in remission. The day of the fair was the first time she went out since she was admitted. You always said the sunshine sped up your recovery, I bet Jenny’s the same too.

I’ll never forget how the little boy and girl looked when Jenny surprised them with a plushie. With a simple gesture like that, Jenny brightened up their day. Remember how you’d do the same when we volunteered? You’d see a kid sitting alone watching everyone else run around, wishing that they could do the same, and you’d come with a plushie and play with them, bringing a smile on their weary faces. I guess part of the reason why I didn’t want to participate was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to cheer someone up like that. You always had a way with people, Sera, the way your optimism can make the best out of the bleak. I was afraid because I couldn’t fill in your shoes. Then I met Jenny and I realized that there was no point in trying to follow your footsteps because you always ran barefoot in all directions. You’re one of a kind, Sera, and there will never be anyone like you. So it’s about time I stop trying to fill in the gaps with what ifs and if onlys.

Sorry for taking so long to do this. I could go on thinking about that summer three years ago, wondering if we could have known that it was going to be our last time making plushies together. But there’s no point in regretting the things we didn’t have time to do, or else we’d be wasting even more time! At the end of the fair three years ago, a nurse asked us if we were coming back next year to do it again. We both excitedly said yes. But we never did.

Three years later, Jenny went up to me and asked if I was volunteering again next year. I smiled and told her I’ll be back next summer with more plushies, which made her and the other kids very happy.

And I’ll hold myself to that promise - it’s right here in writing!

[karadndrp]

I’m Bad At Love // Nari @ Sylvia

REWIND: AT THE SAFEHOUSE

Despite her late night excursion, Nari rose with the sun and readied herself for the day. As she strapped the plates of her armor into place, she found her with mind wandering. Wandering from her room, down the hall and around various corners until it slipped past a familiar door and filled with the memory of soft lips and warm skin. The memory had her heart speeding up in the present, her skin going hot until it was uncomfortable. She snapped back into her head and found herself standing frozen with a shoulder plate in hand, breaths coming a bit too fast with that warm twist of pleasure tinged now with anxiety.

Nari turned on the spot, sank down into the chair of the small corner desk to try and calm herself down again. The anxiety grew sharper, more worrying. She wished she could talk to someone about this -- but it couldn’t be Sera, no. Not when Sera was part of it, when Sera couldn’t feel the same way (because despite what she’d said, Nari didn’t believe her statement that things weren’t serious for her and Lex). And she didn’t want her pity, or her rejection. She didn’t want their friendship to suffer because Nari felt the way she felt. Their friendship would always come first to her and she was sure she’d get past it at some point.

Then there was Thea. 

So no, she couldn’t speak to them, and she didn’t know Nalla or George or Lex or anyone else enough to go to them. What she really wished was that she had a mother, one who would be around to help her through self-discovery and give her advice without judgement. But the woman she wanted, the woman she needed, was not the mother she’d had growing up. 

It was Sylvia. And the moment that thought slipped into her head, Nari scrambled for paper and a quill, digging through the desk she sat at almost frantically until she had what she needed to write a letter. She began:

Hello, Sylvia-

It’s Nari. I hope you’re well, and Rosalie too. I miss having you here to speak with, somewhere close by so that I can see your face as well. I hope we get to visit soon. It’s a bit hectic now, especially since we’ve now visited with Aunt Enid and will be finishing our trip in Astorbury to play tourist in the big city. Very excited.

In any case, I wanted to write you re: something else. I’ve discovered something about myself that I’m not really sure how to move forward with. The path to this discovery is a complicated story and I’d rather not get into the details, but either way, the results remain the same. I’ve found that I have desire want feelings abo certain affections for the fairer sex. Which I know is certainly not a bad thing, but I’m afraid it’s presented me with further realizations and potentially some problems. I really need your help processing how

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned we’ve been joined by two others, but we have, and one of the two is a cleric. She’s beautiful very kind and though no cleric could ever replace you, I’ve found myself paying more and more attention to her until everything built up and I visited her last night and ended up kissing her. We talked a bit after and she spoke to me about my attractions and such and then we perhaps kissed a bit longer before I returned to my own room some time later. Just kissing, I swear it, but I’ve never felt anything like it.

I’m very attracted to her and I don’t know what to do. Any advice you could give on that would be appreciated.

There’s also the small minor fact that I perhaps have very soft feelings for Sera but they can’t be acted upon because she is in a relationship with someone you also know, name starting with L. I don’t know how to protect my heart from that particular rejecti- No need to advise there, I’m very aware nothing can come of it.

In any case, I love you very much and I hope the decision you made in leaving us is treating you well. I want you to know that I miss you every day, but I understand why you had to go. Finding your happiness in this world is as important as anything and though perhaps I will not be able to seek my own any time soon, it gives me joy to know you’ve found yours. Happiness and hope are, after all, what I defend.

All my love,

Nari

Nari rolled the letter and sealed it quickly, asking around outside of her room until she found a raven to attach it to. She sent it before she could doubt herself and then almost viciously erased all thoughts and feelings on the matter from her mind. They had bigger fish to fry. 

Forging hells.

[peace-coast-island]

#ChoicesCreates: Friendship

Title: Quaintrelle (The Royal Romance) Summary: Quaintrelle - a woman who emphasizes a life of passion, expressed through personal style, leisurely past times, charm, and cultivation of life’s pleasures. Enid Zuberi (MC) writes to a dear friend.

Dear Seraphina,

It’s still hard for me to accept what happened but I’m trying my best. Your mother stopped by a few days ago with a box that you left for me. I didn’t get the courage to open it until last night.

The first thing I saw was the handmade sketchbook you got at an arts and crafts fair a few years ago. I remember you telling me that you wanted to use it someday but you were also afraid of ruining it. You always wanted to save it for your masterpieces. It makes me sad to think of all the wonderful art you could have drawn. I always wished that I could draw as well as you.

The sketchbook was kept on your self, waiting for the right occasion to be used. You wanted to open it on a towel laying on the sand with your art supplies spread out, ready for inspiration to strike. A relaxed breezy day on the beach with just the two of us. Funny how we took days like that for granted until time starts running short.

We never thought the sketchbook would be opened in a dreary space that became your second home whether you liked it or not. instead of being surrounded by paintbrushes and pens, there were IVs and equipment. It hurt seeing you struggle with holding a pencil, those once fluid lines turn wobbly and unsteady. That was the summer that marked the beginning of the end.

No matter how hard it was, you challenged yourself to fill one page with your art. I always admired your determination, even when things were bleak. During the time you stayed at the hospital, you sketched whatever came to mind and when I visited I would bring some of your art supplies. Looking through your sketchbook, I have to say that a lot of these are masterpieces.

I don’t know why you left this for me though. I understand the pictures and your camera as you were an avid photographer. And that nautical keychain I helped you win at a fair after spending several tickets trying. Your jar of paper stars we made the night after we graduated high school with our wishes written inside them.

But why your sketchbook? You left a letter for everyone in an envelope but you stuck mine in the book. In the PS, you told me to keep making masterpieces to fill it up. I wasn’t sure what you meant since my drawing and art skills are nowhere near yours. I guess that’s why it took me over a week to finally respond to you. It feels weird doing this so I can’t promise you that I’ll keep up with this but it’s worth a try. At least I’m feeling a little better getting my feelings out like this. So that’s what I’m gonna do with your sketchbook.

To quote you: “Someday we’ll meet again in the far future and you’d better have a lot of stories to tell me. Hell, I’ll come back to haunt you if you’re just sitting around mourning for an eternity. Promise me, you’ll live, Enid. Not just for me, but for you, for us.”

That was the last thing you ever said to me and I’ll never forget it. So I’ll fill these pages and when we meet again, I’ll share my stories.

From your best friend forever, Enid

P.S. - If you are gonna haunt me at least give me a sign so I know it’s you!

Today would’ve been your twenty-second birthday. So for you I’m rowing a boat and releasing a balloon in the air for you. It’s light blue, your favorite color, and I tied one of your favorite ribbons at the end, the light pink lace one that you like to wear in the spring. The balloon actually reminds me a lot about you, a free spirit letting the wind carry her away.

Remember the hidden cave at the beach where we often spent our summers? Hard to believe that it’s been a few months since we last came. It feels strange being here without you. Of course I couldn’t come alone and took Ollie with me. We couldn’t stay long, it was too much for us. That’s why I suggested that we spend the rest of the day on the boat. Ollie also wrote a message for you on the balloon, I didn’t see what it was though - keeping that a surprise for you!

We were out until pretty late, so late that we almost didn’t notice it was getting dark and the boat was going in the opposite direction. Instead of going down memory lane, we just sat and watched the world around us. If you were there you’d be pulling our your paints and a canvas to capture the scenery. I kept an eye on your balloon until it faded into the evening sky. Now you can wander the stars at your heart’s content.

Happy birthday Sera.

I never thought I’d end up back in the waiting room of the hospital so soon. This is the sixth time I’ve been in this position.

First my grandfather, who I barely remember. I think I was around two or three and blissfully unaware.

Second time was my aunt, around the time I was able to understand that sometimes it doesn’t get better. A year later I attended a funeral for the first time.

Third was my grandmother and by then we knew it before the doctor told us. She kept her head up until the very end.

Fourth was my father after a long battle. You and Ollie were there for me and my mother from the diagnosis to his final moments. I can’t thank you two enough for helping us through a difficult time.

Fifth was Seraphina Castiglioni, my best friend. You fought twice before, triumphant each time. But after years of remission it came back stronger than ever and your days were slowly fading away. Still, you lived every day to the fullest and left the world with a smile while holding my hand.

Now I’m back in the waiting room, sixth time with my mother. It’s been a few weeks and she’s gone through a lot of tests. I’m afraid but I have to stay strong for her, for us. At least Ollie’s here with me so I won’t be so alone. I really hate being in this room.

Sera, I miss you so much. Please give me the strength to get through the next few days.

I did it. I went out to the cave alone. And I’m glad I did.

I can’t remember the last time I was at the beach, it feels like such a long time ago. But I guess that happens when your life changes at an instant. Ollie’s doing well in school, I insisted that he’d go back instead of taking the semester off like he wanted. I feel bad for him since he’s close to Mom but we didn’t want him to drop everything for us. Mom made him promise that he make the Dean’s list again. I promised to keep him updated on her condition.

Mom’s doing as best she can. Still, there are days when she can’t do anything at all and I feel terrible for her. You know how I hate being helpless. It hurts seeing her like this. And the same for seeing you and my father go through the same. Why do things like this happen to people? Why?

At least today was a good day for her. She insisted that I go out and treat myself. I think the new medications are helping out a lot but her doctor says it’s too soon to tell if things are getting better. I’m glad that she’s able to spend the day out of bed and doing stuff. When I left, she was working on her garden, which looked more lively now that she was there. I told her not to wear herself out and she laughed and said that it’s a mother’s job to worry about her daughter, not the other way around. Then she told me to be back home in time for dinner.

It took a bit longer than expected to reach the cave. The sky was a bit cloudy and it got sort of windy later on. Finally after some difficulty, I made it to the cave. Walking in there alone felt like I was going down memory lane. I can still see us running around and hear us talking about things like it was yesterday. But at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago.

Remember how we used to go treasure hunting? You always knew the best places to find sea glass and seashells. What about the first time we went cliff diving? Ollie and I were nervous while you just dove right in. And how we’d have picnics in the cave? I noticed that there’s a basket left in the back where we hid stuff.

Then I found a small box hidden behind it. I opened it and saw a note that was in your handwriting. It said “To Ollie, with love, Sera.”. Underneath was a silver bracelet with our names engraved on it. This was your present to Ollie, something you meant to give him when he came back from college. I remember seeing you stop by a jewelry store to pick something up.

Was that why you wanted us to go with you to the cave last summer? I know you told me not to dwell on the past too much but seeing that box, I wished that we went out that day. It still wouldn’t change much but still, I’d give anything to have one more day with the three of us hanging out.

With all the things going on later that summer, it’s no surprise that you forgot about it. There’s a few other things we left in here like some old pictures, a few treasures we found, and some notes that are too hard to read now. It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since you left the box in there and the last time the three of us spent the day in the cave together.

You were always stubborn, you know that? By then you could barely get out of the house but you insisted on going to the cave. Possibly for the last time, like you were saying goodbye to an old friend. Despite your frail appearance, you looked as bright as ever. That was the last time you stepped outside.

The next day you thanked me and Ollie for one of the best days of your life. For as long as I live I’ll never forget that day. You wanted us to remember you in a way that makes us happy. That’s why I want to hold on to that day, to remember the bright, lively Sera who lives by the wind and sea.