#most of which i tried to explain to them... they were all neuro spicy ot mentally ill too so i thought theyd understand
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it really hurts to see the people i trusted and loved more than anything in the world just move on from me as if they never knew me
#lamp vents#aka my exfriend posted on tiktok and i havent unfollowed them yet...#and im still not over how he just... cut me out of his life with no warning#he was like 'yeah i get that youre autistic and has a panic disorder and a severe depression. but also all your symptons for these are unac#ceptable and i hate u' and not only cut me out of his life but also turned several other of my friends against me#like i cant get over the fact that they used moments where i was in distress and having panic attacks or severe sensory overload against me#as if i would have sensory overloads and panic attacks just to manipulate them or make THEM feel bad#jeez im sorry i didnt realize im not allowed to have emotions#i know i snap when im overwhelmed which is why i usually always would deafen/leave call on discord immediately and try to jreathe or calm#and somehow theyd still turn it to be avout them#i was trying my damnedest to be the best friend but jesus christ man they expected me to do SO MUCH when i had two panic disorders and so m#uch mental health issues#most of which i tried to explain to them... they were all neuro spicy ot mentally ill too so i thought theyd understand#i thought theyd at least not think the worst of me when all ive ever done is look up to them#the worst feeling ever is having someone i looked up to and wantef to be like so much it fucking hurt#say everything they hated about me after 4 or so years of friendship where i trusted them enough to tell them anything#it still makes me doubt myself#anytime someone writes to me about how we need to talk i immediately expect loads of pent up anger at me#i always expect my friends to finally be done with my bullshit and tell me theyre tired of me#ive always had doubts about wether or not im a good enough friend or not but lately its just been so much worse#and i keep getting so angry and frustrated because i still miss them and i still wanna try and make it up to them#even tho theyve made it clear they already made up their mind about me being the bad guy#i just feel so helpless and alone#i used to be able to go to him about all my problems but i guess he really saw that as bothersome... i did so much for him and for what#i spent so much time with him and i knew his parents and i knew his pets and i knew his routines#we CUDDLED while sleeping in the same bed multiple times we took naps together and i#i showed him my favourite childhood game#and he bottled up all his emotions until they spilled into hatred for me#for what? for nlthing. and then he teams up with another friend WHICH I INTRODUVED HIM TO#he fucking replaced me after all those nights of quick typing and crying and reassuring him that i loved him and would never replace him
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