#mostly about bsd cause i wrote this with bsd in mind lmao

[lotus-lamps]

man i love how people are like "guys you're all mischaracterizing this person. stop the slander/where is the slander, you guys are always ignoring something something + this other character did something something" and then proceed to mischaracterize that other character in that same post with them getting really annoyed about mischaracterization like. sorry what

[kentopedia]

rylie ur so real for the rant u posted bc i feel the same way sometimes . . . i started writin smut ONE TIME bc i wanted to try it out and ever since then i sorta just kept doing it bc i dont like when my activity goes 📈📉📉📉 and like ok i dont rly mind writin smut but i wish some of the other stuff that i write would do as well cause i never rly intended for my blog to become a nsfw blog but uhhhh here we are 🧍 and if im being fr i kinda feel the same way about gojo too. this isnt really the point but i like gojo n all but honestly i only still write a lot of jjk bc that gets way more popular than my bsd stuff so i feel more motivated to write for jjk and less so for bsd even tho i enjoy writin for dazai n chuuya more 😖😖 oh well. anyways thats my own rant, u dont have to post/answer this but im cool either way lmao !

honestly halfway thru typing that i forgot what my point was but uhhh yea hopefully u know what i mean </3

HANNAH NO i know exactly what you mean 😭 i wrote that one nanami piece bc (well obviously i wanted to) but also bc i knew it would get notes :/ and i actually really like it don’t get me wrong i had fun writing it!! but now everyone’s talking about ppl writing that stuff for him and it makes me feel weird being lumped in with that group of ppl. but my nanami stuff never does as well as my other work and idek why bc i’ve been a nanami blog since day 1, my first work was for nanami and i have literally never changed my url ?? & i DO love writing for dazai so so much but i also love writing for nanami so so much. so it’s kind of a bummer when of all the characters i’ve written nanami pieces get the least notes. especially bc ik the jjk fans are alive and well.

sigh. not to start any discourse but i like writing other stuff more than nsfw too ! but now that i’ve gotten so many followers i feel like … i have to keep doing it. and i like to try new things but i don’t want to mostly be a nsfw blog either. i have fun writing it but i get tired of it quickly, that’s why most of my nsfw pieces are so long. & it’s so easy for people to say “write what you love” but it’s discouraging when i write 10k words of mostly sfw & get 400 notes & other people can write 400 words of nsfw and get 10k notes.

[goldbscurity]

Welcoming February (1)

Yep, but this is 6th February already, yet I still managed to write ‘Welcoming’. Whatever.

(So, it happened that I start wrote this blog on 6th but unable to finish it because, you know, many work to do and getting tired. So here, I am, whenever the date is.)

I’ve got so much to tell. Let’s make a list!

My research (Thank You, my dearest Lord) is finally 99% done!!!!!!! But let’s keep praying for the sake of good results.

Well, January done, means Explore’s done, means one inmost burden finally off of my shoulder (but doesn’t mean it’s done done, K)

I am.....too attached with work-rythm I’ve been living this past 7 months. Particularly from the past 1 month.

I am 21. Yes, 21 and thinking too much like I cannot stop contemplating what my life now and what it should’ve been. Jeez. Adulting.

Then from adulting, comes any other stuffs; like friendship. Yep. I am dwelling all over again how friendship is something simple but harder to get as you get older. Right?! R-I-G-H-T?!

Last. But not least. *drum rolls* I am over him. Yes, like, literally, finally, at last, after long long long run, eventually, I am over that story. I wish this last, tho. Already a month and few weeks since the last time I miss him, and think about him. IT’S GOOD, RIGHT?! MY BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT IN 2018?!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAA.

Let’s talk. 

Yes, finally after approx. 7 weary-difficult months, it comes to an end. Well, actually I cannot say I am finished (just yet), because right now I haven’t collected the last data (it’ll due on Monday 12th). After all ups and mostly downs, I can say I am proud of myself. This is very important; it’s like a tiny (but significant) reminder for myself -- I am still on the right track, and I will be, always, a human who will be a big impact for the world. *fingercrossed*. This period has been causing so much storm and piles of problem -- from not being able to keep up a committee meeting til skipped classes HAHAHA. But, God also knows how much I’ve tried to keep everything right on track at the same time while I live and do research on Cikarang, have classes and ongoing organization on BSD, but meanwhile temporary live on Menteng. Lord. That was the busiest period in life, and people around me seems to get reeeeeaaallllyyy mad at me for not completing my responsibility. Sorry, people. Trust me, there’re reasons behind. So, thank you Lord for Your blessings and guidance through my hardest time. And friends, whoever you are, whatever your thoughts bad or good, just thanks for not bothering me or bothering me in my back.

Yes, it’s true that Explore is done. But doesn’t mean my job is done. Puh-leaze. It’s money-making job, and endless job. We’re kind of in a deficit situation -- where we still need more money to cover many.. things. Sorry, I’ve been ignoring you guys, teammates (If I shall say so and if I still allowed to called you guys as it), I’m just trying to finished my research -- one thing that only ME can complete, while this money-making job is not one person job; it’s TEAMWORK. And, underlined, I don’t have TEAMMATES at research job. So, sorry for not being good enough for you guys. Promise, as soon as I finished with all this research stuffs (datas, farewell, etc), I’ll be back to you.

YES. I AM GETTING TOO ATTACHED WITH DEXA, THE COMPANY I’VE BEEN WORKING SINCE JULY, AND NOW IT START TO STOLE SOME PART OF MY HEART:(( I’m leaving, soon very soon, and ever since I did my last method, some part of my mind goes mellow whenever I walk down the office hall -- thinking how this place has taught me so much and from new-awkward-workspace into comfortable-second-home. From being a colleger who had a messy routine (wake up early morning, come home at midnight, a lot of committee meeting delay my trip home, no exact breakfast, lunch and diner time. Messy, rite?) to being a VERY ORGANIZED ROUTINE such as wake up at 6.45, breakfast at 7.30, lunch at 12.30, dinner at 5.45 (except when I work overtime). See? It’s well-adulting. Knowing some part of adulting such as adult friendship, is harder, tougher, and more complicated than teenage-friendship. Oh, also there are a lot of two-faced or faking needed. I do owe them a piece of my life, for their knowledge, either scientific or life-need. Work is much exciting than college, tho. That’s why I just realised why there’re people told me to never work while you’re still in college, BECAUSE obviously, the rhythm, the money, is more tempting. But, don’t generalized this, because there are factors that backing my statement up (one of them is a very good salary and very super comfy work position with busy schedule). I really love to work, instead of sit down in class listening to a somewhat-i-dont-understand-lecture from somehow-i-dont-understand-why-the-professor-teach-me professor. I found that work, and be surrounded by adult people is my oxygen. Surrounded by colleger means you’re ready to enjoy drama. Yes, life is full of drama especially when you’re in your early 20s.

Let’s skip abut life. (I’ve been contemplating things too much, very much, just skip it. Not today.) (And also skip the friendship part, that’s a complicated story)

This is my favourite part; A New Beginning. 

I guess this worth a new post actually. So let me sum it up to you here.

Suddenly I realise, ‘how long have I been not dwelling on the past and missing him?’. That came out around the 4th week of January, out of nowhere. Because, well, you know that feeling. You used to remember him, thinking about it, your heart is somehow still ache, but then one day you realize it’s been days, or weeks without the ache and suffer. That one day, when you know your heart and mind are no longer looking at the past. That one day, when you’ve been busy or not, you know you just on the new chapter. This feels.... extraordinary. I cannot explain this further,  I just knew it feels..right. Oh, and relieved. 

I will tell this stuff further in a new post, tho. I am happy (and of course there’s side effect). 

Guess, this is it. My very first post at Feb 2018, delayed by weeks LMAO. I will try to write post regularly, in order to cleanse my mental and keeping it on the right track. I love you, my tumblr. (Ikno, it’s a shame to say love to internet-stuff).

Ciao!