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tamakittykami · 4 years

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Re-evaluating, Metamorphosis, & a New Idea

I was up late last night.

Very late.

Not because it was Halloween. Not because my children are crazy. But because I had a lot of figuring out to do.

I've been working on my Patreon stuff for a couple of months now, and actively promoting it for about 3 weeks.

I've been trying to garner attention from the local modeling and photography community for about as long (this time around, not to mention all the work I did 5 to 10 years ago before my hiatus to start my family).

I worked hard and got my figure back, my looks haven't changed much in the 5 years I've been away. I thought I could jump back in, everyone would remember me, I would be loved, and people would be itching for the chance to work with me again and produce some awesome content! I thought, with Patreon, I would get support from my family and friends, even if it was just for the sake of supporting me do something I love , and that it would eventually grow into a larger fan-base (I mean, I have almost 2000 fans on my FaceBook fan page; some of them MUST be at least interested in seeing more of my work, right?).

My long term goal was to be like some of the other Cosplayers out there on Patreon who make it their full time job! I would be able to escape my non-creative retail employment to actually get paid to follow my passion. I knew it would take some time and effort, but it would be worth it, right? Especially since I would have my friends and family, my true support system and therefore most loyal of my fans right there at my side to help me stay motivated and focused, able to eventually reach my goal!

Right?

A week ago, my internal reality began to fall apart. I was almost duped into a SCAM that would have cost me a couple grand (someone pretending to be a scouting agency looking to add me to a project with a fashion designer and a photographer to do a nationwide campaign. They said they'd pay me upfront, and I would be in charge of sending part of the cash they sent me along to the fashion designer along with my details so they could start on wardrobe. I noticed a typo in their contract which exposed their charade, so I called them on it, reported it, and ultimately didnt lose anything physical, but emotionally I was devastated, as I had really gotten my hopes up thinking it was the real deal and that SOMEONE actually WANTED to work with me.)

I had spent (read: wasted) all of Friday with emails back and forth with this scum before realizing it was what it was. The whole day that I had envisioned going much differently at first. Plans I had for normal life stuff, as well as prepping for Pateeon content creation, went on the backburner.

I was already WAY behind on my every day life chores due to having been away on my Family-Cruise Club trip, then Thanksgiving, followed by an extremely busy weekend filled with 3 birthdays and a wedding once we returned, which resulted in the migraine from Hell.

The wasted day was the proverbial straw. I was emotionally and spiritually drained. I fell into a depression, which was only made worse by the lack of support I recieved when I needed it most.

Feeling down in the dumps, I decided to finally reach out and ASK for help from family and friends. I don't actually ask for anything very often, and help is one of those things that I shy away from even more.

I posted on FB that I needed help. I created an extra tier on Patreon exclusively for this purpose; the $1 tier. Specifically for friends and family who might not otherwise give a crap about my modeling, but who wanted to support me anyways, help with my Patron numbers, and show their support.

NO ONE SIGNED UP

I could understand strangers and "fans" not feeling comfortable yet with my content, or not being ready for a commitment... but the people I know in real life, who know how passionate I am about the modeling, who know I stick to my word, but just need a little encouragement?

I had one person ask me about what Patreon was, and then a bunch of other random questions not related to the thing itself. And he wasn't even someone I consider a close friend.

Otherwise, a like from my bestie who is already one of my 2 Patrons because least HE believes in me.

So, the depression deepened.

And I fell sick with a cold.

And I was going through PMS.

And things just kept feeling like they were getting worse.

I know I have nothing REAL to be depressed about. I have a nice home, a well paying job, a caring husband and two wonderful kids. I know it's partially chemical/hormonal, and partially circumstantial. I can logic my way away from depression most of the time by getting off my ass and GOING. Just moving and pushing myself, with the positive self talk and literal cleaning up of my house and my personal "stuff".

I did that, and still felt like my life was falling apart.

I felt unsupported and unloved by most of the people in my life.

Halloween, I finally started feeling better. I made some decisions about wanting to prove all the (in my opinion,) naysayers wrong, and showing them that, even without their help, I would make the Patreon stuff work. I had some ideas for content. I decided I will Cosplay at Holiday Comicon next weekend for one day, I was going to get some business cards done up, and hand them out there to "potential fans". And I was dressing up! Halloween is fun! All the attention from co-workers and customers alike helped me feel a bit better, too. Oh, and one of my photographers invited me to participate in a Cosplay shoot he's working on! All good stuff, and on the road to emotional recovery.

So, why was I up late last night?

A couple comments about a pic I posted with regarding my pose being awkward, and what I was offering on Patreon if it wasn't porn or nudity...

So, I am reconsidering my Patreon content.

Dan and I stayed up late into the night discussing ideas and themes, timelines, time commitments, expectations and all sorts of different ways of going about this whole process.

So, for the two Patrons I have, I apologize; there's going to be a bit of an upheaval in the Patreon structure. I will try to keep you guys posted about what's going on. But please, as you already have been, be patient with the changes coming over the next little while.

Thanks.

It'll be worth it.

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aliceinwonderland2017centur-blog · 7 years

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Pat Handy /North Eastern Library

Disclaimer--- Um this is actually not a complaint. Im pretty sure me not being able to get into my account was done purposefully maliciously and illegally. No matter how white you are you still have to follow the law someone has mistakenly told you because you hold authority you can use a platform to conspire in criminal behavior. Please dont come after me with a gun. Another thing about white people I didnt care that you existed I didnt want to get into a war of brains with you I want to be another anonymous user but no you turned criminal got a negative reaction a verbal asswhooping that all 6 year old gets when they show their ass and yet you claim to be mad. Dont comphrend that when you misbehave an asswhooping follows. Sadly you are more than likely in business attire in fucking stray jacket white skin believing you are somehow entitled to act recklessly and there not be consequences. Its just not true. Im sorry no sir WAKE THE FUCK UP. Be a fucking business professional. You like a civilized proefessional annonymous world right. Imagine if I coudl track you down. and posion your food. Fuck with your phone youre internet done even know you. You do. You will not pick me out the fucking crowd and then say I need to watch my fucking MOUTH. Something something ---Yourself. iNAPPROPRIATE.

SO lets start with Pat Handy.

Pat Handy is a shelter for women. When I first arrived I wasn’t entirely impressed with their intake process due to the long wait. But Neither hear nor there. Its over and done I got in. A short while later it comes to my attention that Pat Handy has policies that are not productive to homeless women or women period. Productive to human beings. Their behavior is so the last thing everyone was thinking. No matter fact no one was thinking it. Ive threatened a suit numerous of times actually written out a complaint and it will be posted in this post. Ive actually gotten this line a few times from police as well. But there are probably atleast five policies or regulations that need fixing overnight. Like not putting them in place was equal to it was done purposefully. Im in a shelter for a reason. Im down on my luck. Im in a time of need. I find it perplexing that people went out their way to build a shelter but they didnt take the proper steps to have a functioning shelter. Its really not my jobs to be on twiitter and tumblr doing someone else's job to get things done. I don’t have the means the money or the time much like the SHELTER implies. Homeless. How you expect people who need help to one do your job but two get out of this TEMPORARY situation and Maintain where they lay their head without the help of the shelter is Crazy. I will admit I’m one of the luckier ones. I have money. Limited but I have money. Sadly Ive spent money just trying to maintain what I'm use to. What I would do if I were home. And protecting myself from outside things. Surprisingly enough it adds up to alot of money, which takes away from the money I need to leave. I’ve written numerous of emails to staff and the Managers of the building but they seem unphased by what I consider unsettling situations. At the very least very unaccommodating and uncompromising for sensitive situations. I did for the time being before recent events walk away from the suit for numerous of reasons. Among them a safety concern. People make you scratch your head when they go out of their way to cause problems. Sadly there are NUMEROUS OF unsettling things wrong with Pat Handy. But the one that has come to my attention as of recent I cant stomach. Over and Over again Pat Handy's staff has shoved their unchangeable uncompromising policy down our throats. The biggest one that has me scratching my head is that all residences have to leave the building at 7 am and return at 4 pm on weekdays and leave at 9 am on weekdays and return at 4 pm on weekends. Its a policy I have adjusted to out of sheer necessity but there are alot of bad mornings bad days. But Sunday is still a hard pill to swallow there is absolutely no where to go till 1 pm. Just recently I became sick. I was diagnosed with gastritis due to some bad food (MORE ON THIS LATER) Two staff members saw that I was sick vomiting and diaherrea. I then went to the hospital. After returning from the hospital on the 13th I asked one of the advocates on my floor if I could go lay down. I also showed her my ER paperwork. Suprisingly I was fought on bedrest and was told that I had to have some long DRAWN out thing stating HOW LONG the bedrest was suppose to be and for what reasons. Obviously I'm not feeling well so I didnt plan to be sick I don't know to ask the doctor for a book on my recovery process and quite frankly its an emergency room I saw the doctor for 10 15 minutes. Sick. PRESCRIPTION. Why are you going out of your way to fight me on bed rest? Firstly IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE TO ask for anything in the heat RETURNING from the hospital because im what? sick. That makes no sense. And to be quite honest its tacky Im actually sick but how tacky is it that a doctor needs to jump through hopes to convince a shelter something they should already be providing SHELTER. lmao. It really gets no better. The ER paperwork didn't go into detail about bedrest but it was stated that bedrest is suggested. Everything was vague and should have been taken with a grain of salt. No one person is the same. I actually have asked 4 times since my hospital visit for Bedrest. the last one being when Police were called on the 17th. I wont lie about the situation became exacerbated when I realized there were women staying in doors who are not sick while the rest of us sit outside in the heat looking like zoo animals. Unfortunate for the shelter these women are light and white its offensive and disrespectful. It really sends the wrong message. I am sick and I need to prove to them im sick before I can lay down and rest these women have nothing wrong with them and they are inside. I will post emails between me and the shelter. What's even more offensive the white woman Ive had problems with. It looks alot she was rewarded. I had no idea ANYONE was inside during the hours of 7 and 4. I was aware there are people on bedrest, people who are sick but I was under the impression the POLICY applied to everyone. They way it should be.

These women are still sitting up in the shelter as we speak. Are required to go no where in the heat. The shelter tells on themselves if you are suppose to be there you are not in the mirror putting make up on in your pajamas as a COVER five minutes before departure time. You are sick you are employed you don't need a cover right? Exactly Goodbye. A lie. White. Thinks things magically falls from the sky. W e are talking about Pat Handy so they are aware Im upset about light bright and spoiled milk sitting inside while we squats on fucking bricks and on cement for an hour and half pointless while business professionals walk by for the morning communute.

Let me put here We are treated like humans when hyporthermia alert comes on but for cold weatehr its I believe 32 and below and for hotweather I think its like 95 and above r something likethat. Watch PH top me. We missed it by a degree and we are outside on cycles. Fucking sad and ridiculous and they touting A FEMALES names

Moving on to Problem Child Number 2

Northeastern Library 7th street NE Washington, DC

Ive been going to that library for the past little while maybe a few weeks maybe a few months. Outside the no phone calls at the computer There were no issues. And even that was business related. I mind my business and im in and and out. Im looking for work. Don't know anyone beyond a familiar face. Around maybe a few days before the 11th of July maybe a week im not sure. Im noticing my computer is having suspicious activity that disrupts my work. obviously its very possible for technical issues to arise but three is too many times and noone else is having issues. I send a complaint via the website computer is messing up too many times and noone else is having problems. I literally have to closeout all programs three times. And I wont lie its not the best day but the library was none the wiser. Minding my business haven't said anything to anyone. I get an email following that incident days later. The woman who intercepted my message via the library's website tried to imply she didnt know what library I was referring to. This is possible but I personally find it unlikely. It was sent from a Library computer and I typed in Northeastern Library so I find it hard to believe she doesn't know what library Im referring to. AT that point it would appear like she is playing a game or attempting to cover for whomever. But she could have covered for whomever and just kept her mouth closed. She messy end of discussion. I respond with this message

Start Emails

Please excuse me for the tone of this email but quit frankly I wasn't expecting to have to hold the hand and do your job. I really didn't want to have to respond at all. Ive written two emails. Ive enclosed pictures to show you--whether or not someone incompetently put together a website or it;S DC policy TO hire stupid people and make it MY JOB TO figure our your JOB or YOU KNOW PRECISELY and this is another game I am hesitant to call and put a stop to. It came from A dc library computer. You have my card number. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But people make it hard these days to come in and do mind their business and leave. I don't have time for this. I'm here for a reason to conduct business my business that has nothing to do with you. I don't have time to write complaints. Ive enclosed pictures. Hopefully someone gets paid to CONNECT DOTS.

-----Original Message----- From: Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) (DCPL) <[email protected]> To: --- Sent: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 10:00 am Subject: RE: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

Which library were you visiting on Friday, June 30?

Thanks

-----Original Message----- From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, June 30, 2017 2:52 PM To: Fayemi, Temitayo (DCPL); Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) Subject: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

----sent a message using the contact form at https://www.dclibrary.org/contact.

So I've been on this computer for about maybe an hour to an hour half and its frozen maybe three times in the last twenty minutes. I did ask someone else if there computer is freezing and there's was not. I'm not sure if its a technical issue but Its off my computer is freezing three times in an hour.

End Emails

Surprising enough this happened the same day as the emails on the eleventh. I did not send the emails until after I returned on the 13th. The emails were going to be sent should another situation arise. One presented itself the same day whether they are responsible I still am not sure. The library is not cooperative which places doubt on them and due to their behavior following the incident and after I filed the police report I start leaning into asshwooping territory unfortunately.

Following the incident with the library the email pasted above sent to Ms. Ward on the 11th was the last email I sent before being sick by food poisoning the same day. I sometimes go to 7 eleven that next door But that day I stuck to my usual a croissant which is packaged. Later that day around the time im doing laundry I go to Walgreens (Nesquick) and 7 eleven (beefpattie) (one usual beef pattie is sporadic) . I'm doubled over sick by the end of the night. Ive talked to 7 eleven while nothings certain leaning towards Walgreens.

The library is boldy unapologetic and even if they had nothing to do with still very much up for debate You are A business you are being paid to be a business professional which I have not seen. Not only does the situation demand a response I requested a response. To your fifty cent credit thats how much its worth considering I was poisoned and You are a likely candiate. Im mean. ANd disrespectful AND IM NOT apologetic. Look AT HOW YOU behave. They all need new lives that's how bad those emails were. LMAO it makes me feel better. Nose in the air. And im still taller then you I dont see anything. You are being paid. These are rules and policy you have to follow. So sorry about it. Sucks for you.

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