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#my beloved taser rat
electric-blue24 · 2 months
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Emolga is one of my favourite pokemon and i some how have'nt drawn them yet??? had to change that right away
some process from sketch -> flat colours -> shaded
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lavenderkitsunes · 3 years
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Would it be alright if a little dwd fan slid into ur ask box and asked what are your opinions on all of the fearsome five
What are ur thoughts on these babs, and how would you rate them 👉👈
YES ABSOLUTELY !!
I could go on for hours about how much I care about these guys, they’re all such cool villains AUGH. But I’ll give you some brief rundowns on how I feel about them!
Bushroot? BABY BOY. BABY. I would die for this plant man and then some. He deserves the world oh my god. I want to hold him carefully like hamburger. Love this funky plant dude.
Liquidator!! Funky capitalist water dog!! Honestly one of my favorites, especially when it comes to drawing him (he’s got fun shapes :D). I know Tad Stones didn’t really like him and said there wasn’t much they could do with him because his personality was too one note but I guess that’s my sign to make up cool headcanons about him and backstory!! Which is part of the reason I made Maggie.
QUACKERJACK. MY BELOVED. He’s got such a cool design and personality and he’s just a fun dude, they animate him in such a bouncy way and it’s just *chef’s kiss*. I love he. Would vibe with him and Mr. Banana Brain any day.
Megavolt, our beloved taser rat,, he’s so swag, even if he is a nightmare to try and draw lmfao. That damn snout. But besides that he’s super cool and I want to hold him carefully. Beloved ratboy.
Last but not least, Negaduck! Ohhh this man is an absolute sewer rat but he’s my beloved sewer rat. He’s evil just for the sake of being evil and I love him for it. Mans really just woke up one day and decided to go apeshit. Good for him.
In conclusion I absolutely adore them all and cannot pick a sure fire favorite because their dynamics blend together so well to make the Fearsome Five/Four that we all know and love. I also can’t stop making OC insert fanfics about them because of how much serotonin they bring me.
That is all, thank you for coming to my ted talk :))
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alpheratz1 · 6 years
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OC Aesthetics Tag
Rules: Bold the things that apply to your OC.
I’ve seen this game and I couldn’t resisto to do for my most beloved OC: Eden
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[ COLORS ] red. brown. orange. yellow. green. blue. purple. pink. black. white. teal. silver. gold. grey. lilac. metallic. matte. royal blue. strawberry red. charcoal grey. forest green. apple red. navy blue. crimson. cream. mint green. cobalt blue. lime green.
[ ELEMENTS ] fire. ice. water. air. earth. rain. snow. wind. moon. stars. sun. heat. cold. steam. frost. lightning. sunlight. moonlight. dawn. dusk. twilight.midnight. sunrise. sunset. dewdrops. magic.
[ BODY ] claws. long fingers. fangs. teeth. wings. tails. lips. bare feet. freckles. bruises. canine. scars. scratches. wounds. burns. spikes. feathers. webs. eyes. hands. sweat. tears. feline. chubby. curvy. short. tall. normal height. muscular. lean. piercing. tattoos. lithe. moles. dimples.
[ WEAPONS ] fists. sword. dagger. spear. arrow. hammer. shield. poison. guns. axes. throwing axes. whips. knives. throwing knives. pepper sprays. tasers. machine guns. slingshots. katanas. maces. staffs. wands. powers. magical items. magic. rocks. mud balls. pyre. teeth. rifles. words.
[ MATERIALS ] gold. silver. platinum. titanium. diamonds. pearls. rubies. sapphires. emeralds. amber. amethyst. metal. iron. rust. steel. glass. wood. porcelain. paper. wool. fur. lace. leather. silk. velvet. denim. linen. cotton.charcoal. clay. stone. asphalt. brick. marble. dust. glitter. blood. dirt. mud. smoke. ash. shadow. carbonate. rubber. synthetics. jade.
[ NATURE ] grass. leaves. trees. bark. roses. daisies. tulips. lavender. petals.thorns. seeds. hay. sand. rocks. roots. flowers. ocean. river. meadow. forest. desert. tundra. savanna. rainforest. caves. underwater. coral reef. beach. waves. space. clouds.mountains. poppies. galaxies. stardust. sky.
[ ANIMALS ] lions. wolves. eagles. owls. falcons. hawks. swans. snakes. turtles. ducks. bugs. spiders. crickets. birds. whales. dolphins. fish. sharks. horses. cats. dogs. bunnies. praying mantises. crows. ravens. mice. lizards. werewolves. unicorns. pegasus. dragons. rats. livestock. foxes. bluebirds. jackals.
[ FOODS/DRINKS ] sugar. salt. bitter. candy. bubblegum. wine. champagne. hard liquor. beer. coffee. tea. spices. herbs. apple. orange. lemon. cherry. strawberry. watermelon. vegetables. fruits.meat. fish. pies. desserts. chocolate. cream. caramel. berries. nuts. cinnamon. burgers. burritos. pizza. french fries. ambrosia.
[ HOBBIES ] music. art. watercolors. gardening. smithing. sculpting. painting. sketching. fighting. writing. composing. cooking. sewing. training. dancing. acting. singing. martial arts. self-defense. electronics. technology. cameras. video cameras. video games. computer. phone. movies. theater. history. libraries. books. comic books. magazines. cds. records. vinyls. cassettes. piano. violin. guitar. electronic guitar. bass guitar. harmonica. harp. woodwinds. brass. bells. playing cards. poker chips. chess. dice. motorcycle riding. eating. flight. climbing. running. freerunning. exploring. partying. yoga.
[ STYLE ] lingerie. armor. cape. dress. tunic. vest. shirt. sweater. boots. heels. leggings. trousers. jeans. skirt. jewelry. earrings. necklace. bracelet. ring. pendant. hat. flower crown. crown. circlet. helmet. scarf. brocade. cloaks. corsets. doublet.chest plate. gorget. bracers. belt. sash. coat. jacket. duster. trenchcoat. hood. gloves. socks. masks. cowls. braces. watches. glasses. sunglasses. visor. eye contacts. makeup. ties. uniform. fancy shoes. leather jacket. sport underwear.
[ MISC ] balloons. bubbles. cityscape. light. dark. candles. war. peace. money. power. percussion. clocks. photos. mirrors. pets.kisses. diary. fairy lights. madness. sanity. sadness. bittersweet.happiness. luck. optimism. pessimism. loneliness. family. friends. assistants. co-workers. enemies. loyalty. smoking. drugs. kindness.love. hugs. revenge. lust. regrets. passion. spontaneity. potty mouth. recklessness. practicality
I tag everyone to want to do this and to tell about their OC’s!
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tessatechaitea · 7 years
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Justice League #16
Batman's fist is blocked because you know what he's doing.
The current Justice League story is stupid. That isn't a surprise because Bryan Hitch is writing it. Bryan Hitch is an artist who DC Comics hired to both draw and write the Justice League of America. But then they realized he can't make deadlines if he's doing both jobs so they decided to halve his workload. But for some reason, they thought things would work better if he did the writing instead of the drawing. That might have been a good decision if your main concern was deadlines but it was a terrible decision if your main concern was entertaining DC fans. I wish more editors would carry Tasers on them so that when a writer decides to pitch a time travel story, the editor could just whip out the Taser and shoot the idiot writer in the neck. Most time travel stories are terrible and since Primer already exists, why even bother to write time travel stories anymore? I like that the title of Primer doesn't have to just represent the notes the main character keeps so that he can repeat the past correctly but can also be read as the writer saying, "Hey! All you other time travel writing fuckfarts? This is how you do it. Bitches. I'd drop the mic now but it was fucking expensive and I'm only an independent movie producer."
I guess this means fifteen minutes as experienced by somebody with their family at Thanksgiving.
Growing up, I had three Thanksgiving traditions: eating a ton of mashed potatoes, watching Ray Harryhausen films on Channel 36, and trying to fingerbang my cousin. Time has been changed and that's a bad thing, I suppose. What do I know about good and bad? You read my Thanksgiving traditions! Anyway, time doesn't change immediately like you'd think it probably should. Or maybe you don't think that since you probably think the arbiter of time travel rules is Back to the Future which proved that time changes slowly. Michael J. Fox had a Polaroid to prove that. So now that time has changed, the changes are rippling up through eternity, giving Batman ten minutes to save time! Although if he fails, everything will still exist except a bunch of people will go on the Internet to write, "Does anybody else remember superheroes being real? I remember while growing up, they were real! Is this the Mandela Effect?!" And a bunch of people will answer, "Oh my God! I remember that totally correctly too!" And nobody will write, "You people are idiots who are just remembering something wrong and have decided that reality is subjective and malleable rather than have to admit you remembered something wrong." Although in this case, they'd be right! I hate how comic books are always portraying things opposite of how they are in the real world. In comics, time can be changed but in the real world, no way! In comics, gods are real and all over the place but in the real world, Ha ha! Ludicrous! In comics, nice guys are actually nice guys but in the real world, they're men's rights activists who think women won't fuck them because the women have something wrong with them. THEY THINK IT'S THE WOMEN WHO HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM! The Infinity Corporation needs Superman to fix the Time Crisis. Who are the Infinity Corporation, you're probably asking? More like "when" are they! OUCH! I just punched myself in the face! The Infinity Corporation aren't being honest with Superman and Batman about who they are. But they make sure to have a conversation about how they aren't who they say they are so that the reader can grip the edges so hard that the comic goes from fine to poor while also shouting, "WHO ARE YOU?! I HAVE TO KNOW! ALSO, WILL I EVER HAVE SEX?!" The other Justice League members have been sprinkled throughout time to stop Time Bombs from going off and changing everything. Aquaman is in Atlantis 47,000 years ago. Coincidentally, it's the day his beloved crystal zodiac figurines were created! The weird thing is that the Atlanteans created the same creatures in their zodiac even though it was 45 thousand years or so earlier than when the Babylonians created theirs. Surely Cancer would have looked more like a frying pan and Libra would have looked like a man drumming on a bucket outside of a department store. And why did they only carve twelve? What about the secret thirteenth symbol of the zodiac, the puking serpent? The Green Lanterns are in 26th Century America. It's a fucking disaster. But everybody is a Green Lantern, so I guess that makes up for the sleeping in rubble living conditions and the dinners of deep fried rat asshole. Cyborg is in Legion of Super-Heroes time and Barry is in Speed Force Creation Days and Wonder Woman is in Greece when the Olympians were created. Each of them has to disarm a Time Bomb or the world will change. So even if they fail, it's not like anything will be destroyed. It's just that new stories will be created! And none of those stories will have superheroes. Except they'll still probably have heroes like Batman and Green Arrow and Blue Beetle since those are just guys with lots of money and a penchant for vigilantism. So actually, it'll be DC Comics' accountants favorite world! Every comic published each month will basically have to star Batman!
It's how you build trust with everybody else! Hypocrite!
Superman, Batman, and the Infinity Corporation are far into the future where the time ripples end. They figure that's where the person behind it all resides. I guess that person's life in the future just wasn't good enough so they had to change some shit. I bet the whole point was to change everything just enough so that this person's dick would somehow be bigger. I can't explain how that would work! Time DNA or something!
The antagonist is a huge, gross baby? I hope Superman punches it!
I bet Batman's plan to save the world is to perform a Time Abortion! The Ranking! No change! This story feels timeless! And not in a good way! In the waiting in line at the Post Office only to realize when you get to the counter that you meant to go to the DMV way!
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airoasis · 5 years
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Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less
New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/everything-wrong-with-captain-marvel-in-16-minutes-or-less/
Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less
never much like the Stanley cameos and definitely don’t like logos but this is goddamn touching but while we’re on the subject of opening logos for movies let’s frame it this way imagine buying the new Taylor Swift album but before you can hear me you have to first listen to 20 seconds of a universal music group audio jingle it would probably be rocking and full of tight harmonies but it would still forever be 20 seconds of norway’s standing between you and your music that’s what opening studio logos do for movies place my hands so angry oh my god they give us the name of the city the description of that city’s importance and then a third line with an utterly incomprehensible series of letter and number characters do you know what time it is Jesus Marvel movies young Dumbledore young Pope Sherlock Holmes is there any beloved institution that Jude Law hasn’t infiltrated anything you know funny how I was thinking the same thing about this chatty friendly fight scene which happens in every movie there’s nothing dangerous warrior an emotion not even a nuclear weapon a landmine sharp sword sniper’s bullet jagged rocks meat from a plant that once had an e.coli outbreak control your impulses so easy miss start using this there’s so much goddamn pedantic mansplaining in the beginning of this movie that I fast forwarded to the end where Carol blasts the Balrog and watched it three times in a row future VR requires artificial tendrils that get to know you better than your spouse just because it looks kind of cool doesn’t make it practical so the burrito supreme searches your thoughts and becomes the person that you’re closest to before communicating I mean contact got murdered for doing that at the end of the movie so long the scrolls have invaded yet another border planet this time Topher already lost me dude if you think for one minute I’m getting all this down plus the three or four other names organizations planets he mentions in this briefing you sadly overestimate my ability to give it well marvel do you read me anybody copy as technologically advanced as they are at a Cree or apparently still reliant on 1990s cellphone reception this is some dusty furry dust things suspense I’m no expert but maybe if you spent less time screaming you’d be able to do more scrolling no one will be seated during the bunch of old portion of the movie some stuff is happening just try and keep track of the purple in the green they’re on different sides I think movie does a great job advertising the Air Force you don’t now the movie does pile on a bit heavy with this stuff about her constantly being told she’s not good enough I get that people are told that but in movie form maybe we don’t need to see it a dozen times to get the point okay fine we need some back story on why Carroll’s so driven to be the best but this exposition brain probe really feels more like a Nike commercial than an MCU film okay wait can you change the way the camera of your memory tilts so that you can pick up fine details let’s just like the zoom and enhance cliche but for your brain dr.
Wendy Lawson that’s her so Carol can hear the scrolls that are digging around in her memories and she in memory reacts to it you can’t change an event by remembering it right fright she got knocked out cold and captured on that planet with a single blast of one of these space Tasers now she’s impervious to them that’s not exactly full-sized so I guess we can call this a little helm scream in case you thought this movie’s 90s references we’re gonna be subtle she crashed lands into a king blockbuster huh movies playing this is a visual gag but was Carol seriously gonna immediately shoot any non-threatening presents in this environment what if this were the janitor doing a late-night cleaning this top shelf here goes hudsucker proxy hook something else that I’m pretty sure is hamburger hill then first night then jumping jack flash jr.
And just cause I worked at three different blockbusters in my lifetime and you could fire four there you have one job and I think half these movies on the Shelf star Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger how likely in 1995 is it that a blockbuster would be advertising babe with a giant poster and standee when that was only released in August of that year the church wasn’t coming out on video at this point honestly we take care of those dirty looks is quite simply the worst dry-cleaning advertising slogan I could even fathom why does a dry-cleaning service even need a slogan look at you be better off just writing your hours of operation talk about some nuclear yadda yadda how the hell does outdated 90s tech and a payphone and turn into a communicator with the ability to send signals to her people millions of miles away in space all did it book work sure she could make a space phone out of that but she couldn’t bypass Ma Bell in the ill communication once it’s real aliens find the earth to be way less than acceptable cliche okay if this call is urgent enough to use the sirens why not take the cops and shield until after daybreak to respond why was shield alerted at all it’s a broken window in a fucking blockbuster okay this d aging technology has officially gotten creepy as hell I’ll be honest Jana fired Sam Jackson looks pretty awesome here and I am terrified of how that technology will definitely be used in the future this is the most convenient Road near a train situation any city planner ever cooked up in pursuit and she should be easy to track considering she’ll be the only person in Los Angeles to take the train sure Stanley could have been reading Kevin Smith’s mole rat script in 1995 the movie came out on October 20th 1995 so this could be early in the year when it was about to get shot or something the problem is the record story just left Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness being advertised here is coming soon or already out came out October 23rd 1995 and while it’s insane that those two things were only three days apart Stan Lee would not have been reading the script in October unless he was just getting nostalgic about his cameo for the residents of LA to jump to an old lady’s needs and all but how is this even possible you’re telling me that after all the kicking Carol’s done three regular ask commuters could temporarily restrain her fight chase on top of a moving train I feel like I’ve never seen that before except always of course it is tunnels the only logical choice once you’ve opted for fight on top of a train what I’m still here at the blockbuster Coulson saw fury take off forever ago so why is he just calling it also look I think the young ending effect they’re using on Sam Jackson is amazing but they must have used all the resources on that because Clark Craig’s face makes Jeff Bridges and Tron Legacy look like fine art look movie no one in a major city subway terminal would look this hard and long and a girl in a weird costume subway terminals are beacons for folks in weird costumes I rode a train once with spider-man and Marilyn Monroe and a guy that look exactly like Richard Grieco only I don’t think that was a costume I think that was just Richard Grieco there you go now that no one can tell that’s an alien no one will ask questions about the body with a jacket thrown over its face inside the wrecked car ah cool the doohickey that the scroll dropped on the train gets inserted into the whatchamacallit and immediately displays plot convenient footage perfectly edited for maximum exposition alta vista internet cafes modems big computer monitors wasn’t 1995 hilarious but seriously how would carol have the first goddamn clue how to work this fad and sure the motorcycle guy was an asshole and probably deserved it but what did this vintage boutique ever do to anyone hey how’s your eye that’s a fine yeah they’re not gonna hem handedly try and shoehorn a reason for Fury’s eye patch into this movie I got word on a motorcycle thief that fits her description but instead of immediately following up on that lead I’m gonna waste valuable time at shield espousing this clunky dialogue might even drink a tear wine and stop by Sam Goody’s to pick up a jagged little pill CD before I act on any of this information toggling Scrolls can only some recent memories of their host bodies that is literally the definition of a stupid restriction to put on an ability just for plot or hero reasons why should they even be able to access any memories if all they’re doing is copycatting where are you born Huntsville Alabama does this do Carroll except to provide a little more backstory for fury is she able to verify this bolt in any way Ruth you’re not a scroll Carol is a dick – what if this is a jukebox from the 90s has to be 30% ac/dc CDs 40% Tom Petty CDs 29% journey CDs and 1% Van Morrison CD is that a communicator yeah state of the art – wig agent which would in no way and work in a bunker like this but I’m gonna keep making these nostalgic references as long as Marvel pays me to do so Oh how did this cat get into this official government covert facility and did they know he was a flirt come if so why is he out roaming the halls hey that’s exactly how Eminem writes his lyrics I’ll assume Lawson was writing the follow-up to Stan I want to question her along that sounds well evil and/or dirty all I know is we take them in to dead or alive dead or alive yeah agreed that’s excessive it makes no sense unless your bosses bosses a scroll poly these are the loudest lights I’ve ever heard can you imagine the constant jump scares you’d have to endure if you were collating these records the CGI cat is a king abomination and yes the actress is allergic and they had to do a CGI cat in some places but just take twenty thousand dollars of the money you’re spending on unifying Sam Jackson and put it into realistic in the cat god damn also they ran into that cat on level five in the storage room and somehow it ran several floors away from that position and got into the hangar and onto a prototype aircraft that they would eventually use Maria Rambo so how do we get to Louisiana I’m sorry but the amount of information they’ve gleaned from a few seconds of glancing through the records like Maria’s exact address is such bull that this movie is actively starting to stink what is Ronan looked like a character from mist here Carol appeared almost lifelike on the hologram earlier and even in full color his accuser tech still using dial-up or something she flashes little moments but I can’t tell what’s real I’ll tell you what’s real someone on this movie set design team thinks this single mother living alone with her daughter keeps a bowl on the table with 16 lemons in it that’s real that happened you’d better come take a look at this cliche that was all that survived the crash well that’s a lie you’re telling me a prototype aircraft crashed and every single piece of it disintegrated into dust including the rest of this dog tag but not this tiny corner of dog tag you know you really should be kinder to your neighbors you never know when you’re gonna need to borrow some sugar this is pretty hilarious but it’s also ridiculous to think that the scrolls stopped off at a fast-food joint to pick up some burgers and shakes on the way to Louisiana and how would you know about the sugar borrowing habits of earthly suburban Knights this soon into your stay on the planet that was before on you you uh before I knew what made you different from me honest Talos had to have gotten this information before the confrontation at the Pegasus base since that’s where he heard the recorder so if he knew that then why did he try to kill Furies ass he knew they were working together and now he’s all peaceful I actually really like this characters turn but given the sequence of events it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense what’s happening it’s loading windows 95 okay so Jude Law shot Lawson before she could blow up the ship but it takes like 15 seconds for him to show up at a distance in all this smoke plus their obstructed somewhat by the crash ship and they’re on the down slope of a hill how did he know where to aim Carol got her powers by being fantastic forward by the warp engine but the energy only hit her despite yon raw and about the same distance away she assumed his power she’s coming with us okay I’d maybe buy that this recording spurred Carol’s memory to recall the crash but she’s being unconscious here so how would she know this part quick question why did they leave the main house and all go to the one day from collapse cabin to listen to the audio it makes a nice shot but it makes no sense from a human being standpoint is this houses only computer out in the decrepit barn why does Talos still have Keller’s jacket on we’ve seen that when they morph into other humans they already have their clothes on but now that he’s turned back into his natural shape that jacket should be gone right she wanted you to help us find the core and why the hell didn’t she tell Carol about the reason for the mission in the first place I know it would have been weird to come out as an alien but they were already in top-secret mode this withholding of information both makes about as much sense as what happened to Poe in the last Jedi did you hear me man this depiction of the friendship between two strong independent women that is emotional but not corny is long overdue and it’s about goddamn time that Marvel showed it so I’m gonna take us in off because I’m totally a social justice warrior or virtue signal or whatever the latest term that’s complimentary but is being used to be derogatory take it off this moonlight shot makes no sense the pole at the bottom right of the shot shows a shadow that matches up with the moon’s location but then the spaceship thing that veers flew here has a shadow that suggests another even stronger light source off-screen to the right when they were handing out kids they gave up a toughest one lieutenant trouble so is everything cool now like KanCare remember everything about her life on earth black box recording was fucking magic what purpose does this function of the spacesuit serve like some cream was almost finished designing it and the supreme intelligence poked its head in and was like don’t forget to add the unnecessary color wheel why did they bring the can captivate this cat will lead her freak out on fury and cut his face but he doesn’t want to do it here in zero gravity which is baffling because I’ve owned a cat before a lawnmower can freak them out a clap of thunder can freak them out suspending in zero gravity but but have them clawing out the eyeballs of all the motherfuckers nearby until they were on solid footing the cloaking activated holy balls is there anything this magical wrist doohickey can’t do can it order takeout purchase ebooks access free porn ah Who am I kidding of course it can access free porn in her note she called us a tesseract you know I’m fine with the timeline of the tesseract the idea that Howard Stark helped found Pegasus in the 80s and handed it over to this project is totally okay I’m just tired of the fucking tesseract it shows up and seemingly every movie being on tesseract and stuff she’s a pinball wizard it’s gotta be a twist a pinball wizard has got such a supple wrist evil dude picked up the cat carried it all the way here and just tosses it casually and that is a ton of wasted effort what did you do to your uniform he got in her head just like we thought when Carol’s been calling with updates constantly since she’s been on earth and there’s no way they would know that the scroll to flipped his jacket it’s killer by the way does the supreme intelligence seriously have the bandwidth and the inclination for pithy one-liners species flirty threat hi so I’ll calmly place a cat’s eyes muzzle over its mouth and I just happen to be carrying on my person without us you’re only human flesh you may be you’re only human to me mistakes this montage of various Carol’s getting up after falling down is excessive and on the nose and over-the-top anjala you were reborn fierce because every sci-fi movie apparently needs an alien race to miss read something and call it something else like Star Trek with Vedra Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes with kolima this goes on for some time I will say this about the movie it waits until the perfect time to unveil Carol’s true powers and this is a goosebumps inducing moment so it absolutely deserves us in off having said that this reveals sets up the same issue as DC has with Superman Carol is all-powerful she hasn’t discovered everything she could do yet but she’s pretty much unkillable now and future movies and game mm we’ll have to do a ton of hand waving and marginalization for her to be included at all into the rest of the MCU okay let playing on just a girl during the climactic scene of this movie that’s more on the nose than anything ever literally the only more on the nose song you could have chosen is Meredith Brooks bitch or maybe Barbie girl or Cyndi Lauper’s well the movie never explains it or even suggests it but jaan raghav errantly has the ability to manipulate metal like magneto and I needs more backstory than anything in this movie that you actually gave a backstory fool god damn huh did that happen the movie is directly contradicting its own previous implications about the power differential here oh they’re dogfighting in the canyons just like an independent Sky Captain and the world of to marvel dude Carroll may be all-powerful but does she also have a GPS built into her headpiece how the hell did she know exactly where yawn Rhonda DUP she didn’t even see him crash poop to me you can beat me this is a great moment but it was also super fucking obvious that it was gonna go down like this this is basically Indy taking out the sword guy with the gun and Raiders of the Lost Ark motherf lurkin I’ll be back before you know it she will not for emergencies only okay and real emergencies too not like of an alien species is invading one of your most populous cities and your shadow government is about to nuke the god of it as a result and really it would take a giant stroke of some luck and some space gravity to avoid total annihilation you could totally handle that you think you can find others like her we found her and we weren’t even looking okay the logic here is stunning and yes they do end up finding more heroes but it’s not because they already existed Carol was a one-in-a-billion fluke banner still hasn’t tested gamma radiation yet Tony has to be kidnapped and build a suit in a cave black widow is just a human badass and Hawkeye is decent too okay with arrows just how amazing with this cat vomit scene be if we didn’t know where the tesseract went during the sequence on lawson’s lab it might have felt worth sitting through the 12 minutes of credits might have there I said it I like a cat ah I’m just a free we have Vincent yeah we happy your father and I were just discussing his day at work why don’t you tell our daughter about it honey Janie today I quit my job and then I told my boss to go himself and then i blackmailed them for almost $60,000 past nice pair your father seems to think this kind of behavior something to be proud of and your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a king prisoner while she keeps my in a mason jar under the sink tell the supreme intelligence that I’m coming to end it you Tom I’m coming and hell’s coming with me before we get started does anyone want to get out you want to play blind man go walk with the shepherd me my eyes are wide just talk
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batterymonster2021 · 5 years
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Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less
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Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less
never much like the Stanley cameos and definitely don’t like logos but this is goddamn touching but while we’re on the subject of opening logos for movies let’s frame it this way imagine buying the new Taylor Swift album but before you can hear me you have to first listen to 20 seconds of a universal music group audio jingle it would probably be rocking and full of tight harmonies but it would still forever be 20 seconds of norway’s standing between you and your music that’s what opening studio logos do for movies place my hands so angry oh my god they give us the name of the city the description of that city’s importance and then a third line with an utterly incomprehensible series of letter and number characters do you know what time it is Jesus Marvel movies young Dumbledore young Pope Sherlock Holmes is there any beloved institution that Jude Law hasn’t infiltrated anything you know funny how I was thinking the same thing about this chatty friendly fight scene which happens in every movie there’s nothing dangerous warrior an emotion not even a nuclear weapon a landmine sharp sword sniper’s bullet jagged rocks meat from a plant that once had an e.coli outbreak control your impulses so easy miss start using this there’s so much goddamn pedantic mansplaining in the beginning of this movie that I fast forwarded to the end where Carol blasts the Balrog and watched it three times in a row future VR requires artificial tendrils that get to know you better than your spouse just because it looks kind of cool doesn’t make it practical so the burrito supreme searches your thoughts and becomes the person that you’re closest to before communicating I mean contact got murdered for doing that at the end of the movie so long the scrolls have invaded yet another border planet this time Topher already lost me dude if you think for one minute I’m getting all this down plus the three or four other names organizations planets he mentions in this briefing you sadly overestimate my ability to give it well marvel do you read me anybody copy as technologically advanced as they are at a Cree or apparently still reliant on 1990s cellphone reception this is some dusty furry dust things suspense I’m no expert but maybe if you spent less time screaming you’d be able to do more scrolling no one will be seated during the bunch of old portion of the movie some stuff is happening just try and keep track of the purple in the green they’re on different sides I think movie does a great job advertising the Air Force you don’t now the movie does pile on a bit heavy with this stuff about her constantly being told she’s not good enough I get that people are told that but in movie form maybe we don’t need to see it a dozen times to get the point okay fine we need some back story on why Carroll’s so driven to be the best but this exposition brain probe really feels more like a Nike commercial than an MCU film okay wait can you change the way the camera of your memory tilts so that you can pick up fine details let’s just like the zoom and enhance cliche but for your brain dr.
Wendy Lawson that’s her so Carol can hear the scrolls that are digging around in her memories and she in memory reacts to it you can’t change an event by remembering it right fright she got knocked out cold and captured on that planet with a single blast of one of these space Tasers now she’s impervious to them that’s not exactly full-sized so I guess we can call this a little helm scream in case you thought this movie’s 90s references we’re gonna be subtle she crashed lands into a king blockbuster huh movies playing this is a visual gag but was Carol seriously gonna immediately shoot any non-threatening presents in this environment what if this were the janitor doing a late-night cleaning this top shelf here goes hudsucker proxy hook something else that I’m pretty sure is hamburger hill then first night then jumping jack flash jr.
And just cause I worked at three different blockbusters in my lifetime and you could fire four there you have one job and I think half these movies on the Shelf star Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger how likely in 1995 is it that a blockbuster would be advertising babe with a giant poster and standee when that was only released in August of that year the church wasn’t coming out on video at this point honestly we take care of those dirty looks is quite simply the worst dry-cleaning advertising slogan I could even fathom why does a dry-cleaning service even need a slogan look at you be better off just writing your hours of operation talk about some nuclear yadda yadda how the hell does outdated 90s tech and a payphone and turn into a communicator with the ability to send signals to her people millions of miles away in space all did it book work sure she could make a space phone out of that but she couldn’t bypass Ma Bell in the ill communication once it’s real aliens find the earth to be way less than acceptable cliche okay if this call is urgent enough to use the sirens why not take the cops and shield until after daybreak to respond why was shield alerted at all it’s a broken window in a fucking blockbuster okay this d aging technology has officially gotten creepy as hell I’ll be honest Jana fired Sam Jackson looks pretty awesome here and I am terrified of how that technology will definitely be used in the future this is the most convenient Road near a train situation any city planner ever cooked up in pursuit and she should be easy to track considering she’ll be the only person in Los Angeles to take the train sure Stanley could have been reading Kevin Smith’s mole rat script in 1995 the movie came out on October 20th 1995 so this could be early in the year when it was about to get shot or something the problem is the record story just left Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness being advertised here is coming soon or already out came out October 23rd 1995 and while it’s insane that those two things were only three days apart Stan Lee would not have been reading the script in October unless he was just getting nostalgic about his cameo for the residents of LA to jump to an old lady’s needs and all but how is this even possible you’re telling me that after all the kicking Carol’s done three regular ask commuters could temporarily restrain her fight chase on top of a moving train I feel like I’ve never seen that before except always of course it is tunnels the only logical choice once you’ve opted for fight on top of a train what I’m still here at the blockbuster Coulson saw fury take off forever ago so why is he just calling it also look I think the young ending effect they’re using on Sam Jackson is amazing but they must have used all the resources on that because Clark Craig’s face makes Jeff Bridges and Tron Legacy look like fine art look movie no one in a major city subway terminal would look this hard and long and a girl in a weird costume subway terminals are beacons for folks in weird costumes I rode a train once with spider-man and Marilyn Monroe and a guy that look exactly like Richard Grieco only I don’t think that was a costume I think that was just Richard Grieco there you go now that no one can tell that’s an alien no one will ask questions about the body with a jacket thrown over its face inside the wrecked car ah cool the doohickey that the scroll dropped on the train gets inserted into the whatchamacallit and immediately displays plot convenient footage perfectly edited for maximum exposition alta vista internet cafes modems big computer monitors wasn’t 1995 hilarious but seriously how would carol have the first goddamn clue how to work this fad and sure the motorcycle guy was an asshole and probably deserved it but what did this vintage boutique ever do to anyone hey how’s your eye that’s a fine yeah they’re not gonna hem handedly try and shoehorn a reason for Fury’s eye patch into this movie I got word on a motorcycle thief that fits her description but instead of immediately following up on that lead I’m gonna waste valuable time at shield espousing this clunky dialogue might even drink a tear wine and stop by Sam Goody’s to pick up a jagged little pill CD before I act on any of this information toggling Scrolls can only some recent memories of their host bodies that is literally the definition of a stupid restriction to put on an ability just for plot or hero reasons why should they even be able to access any memories if all they’re doing is copycatting where are you born Huntsville Alabama does this do Carroll except to provide a little more backstory for fury is she able to verify this bolt in any way Ruth you’re not a scroll Carol is a dick – what if this is a jukebox from the 90s has to be 30% ac/dc CDs 40% Tom Petty CDs 29% journey CDs and 1% Van Morrison CD is that a communicator yeah state of the art – wig agent which would in no way and work in a bunker like this but I’m gonna keep making these nostalgic references as long as Marvel pays me to do so Oh how did this cat get into this official government covert facility and did they know he was a flirt come if so why is he out roaming the halls hey that’s exactly how Eminem writes his lyrics I’ll assume Lawson was writing the follow-up to Stan I want to question her along that sounds well evil and/or dirty all I know is we take them in to dead or alive dead or alive yeah agreed that’s excessive it makes no sense unless your bosses bosses a scroll poly these are the loudest lights I’ve ever heard can you imagine the constant jump scares you’d have to endure if you were collating these records the CGI cat is a king abomination and yes the actress is allergic and they had to do a CGI cat in some places but just take twenty thousand dollars of the money you’re spending on unifying Sam Jackson and put it into realistic in the cat god damn also they ran into that cat on level five in the storage room and somehow it ran several floors away from that position and got into the hangar and onto a prototype aircraft that they would eventually use Maria Rambo so how do we get to Louisiana I’m sorry but the amount of information they’ve gleaned from a few seconds of glancing through the records like Maria’s exact address is such bull that this movie is actively starting to stink what is Ronan looked like a character from mist here Carol appeared almost lifelike on the hologram earlier and even in full color his accuser tech still using dial-up or something she flashes little moments but I can’t tell what’s real I’ll tell you what’s real someone on this movie set design team thinks this single mother living alone with her daughter keeps a bowl on the table with 16 lemons in it that’s real that happened you’d better come take a look at this cliche that was all that survived the crash well that’s a lie you’re telling me a prototype aircraft crashed and every single piece of it disintegrated into dust including the rest of this dog tag but not this tiny corner of dog tag you know you really should be kinder to your neighbors you never know when you’re gonna need to borrow some sugar this is pretty hilarious but it’s also ridiculous to think that the scrolls stopped off at a fast-food joint to pick up some burgers and shakes on the way to Louisiana and how would you know about the sugar borrowing habits of earthly suburban Knights this soon into your stay on the planet that was before on you you uh before I knew what made you different from me honest Talos had to have gotten this information before the confrontation at the Pegasus base since that’s where he heard the recorder so if he knew that then why did he try to kill Furies ass he knew they were working together and now he’s all peaceful I actually really like this characters turn but given the sequence of events it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense what’s happening it’s loading windows 95 okay so Jude Law shot Lawson before she could blow up the ship but it takes like 15 seconds for him to show up at a distance in all this smoke plus their obstructed somewhat by the crash ship and they’re on the down slope of a hill how did he know where to aim Carol got her powers by being fantastic forward by the warp engine but the energy only hit her despite yon raw and about the same distance away she assumed his power she’s coming with us okay I’d maybe buy that this recording spurred Carol’s memory to recall the crash but she’s being unconscious here so how would she know this part quick question why did they leave the main house and all go to the one day from collapse cabin to listen to the audio it makes a nice shot but it makes no sense from a human being standpoint is this houses only computer out in the decrepit barn why does Talos still have Keller’s jacket on we’ve seen that when they morph into other humans they already have their clothes on but now that he’s turned back into his natural shape that jacket should be gone right she wanted you to help us find the core and why the hell didn’t she tell Carol about the reason for the mission in the first place I know it would have been weird to come out as an alien but they were already in top-secret mode this withholding of information both makes about as much sense as what happened to Poe in the last Jedi did you hear me man this depiction of the friendship between two strong independent women that is emotional but not corny is long overdue and it’s about goddamn time that Marvel showed it so I’m gonna take us in off because I’m totally a social justice warrior or virtue signal or whatever the latest term that’s complimentary but is being used to be derogatory take it off this moonlight shot makes no sense the pole at the bottom right of the shot shows a shadow that matches up with the moon’s location but then the spaceship thing that veers flew here has a shadow that suggests another even stronger light source off-screen to the right when they were handing out kids they gave up a toughest one lieutenant trouble so is everything cool now like KanCare remember everything about her life on earth black box recording was fucking magic what purpose does this function of the spacesuit serve like some cream was almost finished designing it and the supreme intelligence poked its head in and was like don’t forget to add the unnecessary color wheel why did they bring the can captivate this cat will lead her freak out on fury and cut his face but he doesn’t want to do it here in zero gravity which is baffling because I’ve owned a cat before a lawnmower can freak them out a clap of thunder can freak them out suspending in zero gravity but but have them clawing out the eyeballs of all the motherfuckers nearby until they were on solid footing the cloaking activated holy balls is there anything this magical wrist doohickey can’t do can it order takeout purchase ebooks access free porn ah Who am I kidding of course it can access free porn in her note she called us a tesseract you know I’m fine with the timeline of the tesseract the idea that Howard Stark helped found Pegasus in the 80s and handed it over to this project is totally okay I’m just tired of the fucking tesseract it shows up and seemingly every movie being on tesseract and stuff she’s a pinball wizard it’s gotta be a twist a pinball wizard has got such a supple wrist evil dude picked up the cat carried it all the way here and just tosses it casually and that is a ton of wasted effort what did you do to your uniform he got in her head just like we thought when Carol’s been calling with updates constantly since she’s been on earth and there’s no way they would know that the scroll to flipped his jacket it’s killer by the way does the supreme intelligence seriously have the bandwidth and the inclination for pithy one-liners species flirty threat hi so I’ll calmly place a cat’s eyes muzzle over its mouth and I just happen to be carrying on my person without us you’re only human flesh you may be you’re only human to me mistakes this montage of various Carol’s getting up after falling down is excessive and on the nose and over-the-top anjala you were reborn fierce because every sci-fi movie apparently needs an alien race to miss read something and call it something else like Star Trek with Vedra Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes with kolima this goes on for some time I will say this about the movie it waits until the perfect time to unveil Carol’s true powers and this is a goosebumps inducing moment so it absolutely deserves us in off having said that this reveals sets up the same issue as DC has with Superman Carol is all-powerful she hasn’t discovered everything she could do yet but she’s pretty much unkillable now and future movies and game mm we’ll have to do a ton of hand waving and marginalization for her to be included at all into the rest of the MCU okay let playing on just a girl during the climactic scene of this movie that’s more on the nose than anything ever literally the only more on the nose song you could have chosen is Meredith Brooks bitch or maybe Barbie girl or Cyndi Lauper’s well the movie never explains it or even suggests it but jaan raghav errantly has the ability to manipulate metal like magneto and I needs more backstory than anything in this movie that you actually gave a backstory fool god damn huh did that happen the movie is directly contradicting its own previous implications about the power differential here oh they’re dogfighting in the canyons just like an independent Sky Captain and the world of to marvel dude Carroll may be all-powerful but does she also have a GPS built into her headpiece how the hell did she know exactly where yawn Rhonda DUP she didn’t even see him crash poop to me you can beat me this is a great moment but it was also super fucking obvious that it was gonna go down like this this is basically Indy taking out the sword guy with the gun and Raiders of the Lost Ark motherf lurkin I’ll be back before you know it she will not for emergencies only okay and real emergencies too not like of an alien species is invading one of your most populous cities and your shadow government is about to nuke the god of it as a result and really it would take a giant stroke of some luck and some space gravity to avoid total annihilation you could totally handle that you think you can find others like her we found her and we weren’t even looking okay the logic here is stunning and yes they do end up finding more heroes but it’s not because they already existed Carol was a one-in-a-billion fluke banner still hasn’t tested gamma radiation yet Tony has to be kidnapped and build a suit in a cave black widow is just a human badass and Hawkeye is decent too okay with arrows just how amazing with this cat vomit scene be if we didn’t know where the tesseract went during the sequence on lawson’s lab it might have felt worth sitting through the 12 minutes of credits might have there I said it I like a cat ah I’m just a free we have Vincent yeah we happy your father and I were just discussing his day at work why don’t you tell our daughter about it honey Janie today I quit my job and then I told my boss to go himself and then i blackmailed them for almost $60,000 past nice pair your father seems to think this kind of behavior something to be proud of and your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a king prisoner while she keeps my in a mason jar under the sink tell the supreme intelligence that I’m coming to end it you Tom I’m coming and hell’s coming with me before we get started does anyone want to get out you want to play blind man go walk with the shepherd me my eyes are wide just talk
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