#my body sees me hit a fat doink and says get me OUT OF HERE ‼️

[gltzgghln]

stoner cough is the worst I woke up wheezy

[dapaywinduh-blog]

WWF Raw Time Machine: Week Six

Week Six of Monday Night Raw begins with a cold open, as fuck me, Rob Bartlett is still here. He makes a joke about how wrestling fans can in fact spell as he points to a "HULK" sign. Good work making fun of your viewership. I'm sure Vince thought it was hilarious. As for me...boo. Our first match of the evening is Bam Bam Bigelow taking on jobber Scott Taylor, who is easily recognizable as the future Scotty 2 Hotty. He also is the future recipient of a possible CTE diagnosis, as Bammer hits an electric chair drop that graphically bounces Taylor's head off the mat. He also takes a wicked double-underhook backbreaker, and then two top rope flying headbutts before getting pinned. Bam Bam looks strong again, and reminds us that, despite being a big fat dude, he also wrestles very well. Next, we get a scream-at-your-television pretaped interview with Vince and Hogan, delivered on the same exact set as the "This Might Be My Last Match" interview they did before Wrestlemania 8. This might have been intentional, considering what Hulk was about to say, but the set features giant posters of Roidy Hulkster, which contrasts sharply with his new, slimmer body. Also providing contrast is Vince McMahon, who looks swollen and uncomfortable in his tight, ugly suit. Hogan teases talking about his future, but then says he wants to talk about his past first. He admits to "making mistakes" but never says what they were, then begins an obviously scripted rant against "Tabloid Terrorism", which sounds oddly like a modern day Trump rant against the "fake news media". He claims they run with stories they know are false and don't talk about the positives. One can only assume that this promo full of vague allusions and doubletalk is an attempt to have Hogan kinda-but-not-really apologize for taking steroids and lying on Arsenio Hall by saying he hadn't, while also speaking a Vince McMahon-penned diatribe against the media carrying the steroid scandal story, and not reporting the good things WWF had been doing, like...oh, I dunno...covering for murderers and sexual abusers? Hulk concludes by rewriting the 3 demandments of Hulkamania into 5, adding "believe in yourself" and "believe in the Hulkster". My god. Back in the Manhattan Center, we get a six man tag match, with the team of Shawn Michaels and the Beverly Brothers taking on Tatanka (Buffalo) and the Nasty Boys. Shawn now sings his owns theme song, and has some awesome gold entrance gear. He is also now feuding with Tatanka, since Marty Janetty got fired again. Womp womp. The faces spend far to much time on offense before a commercial break, then the heels get a series of no-heat headlocks and such. The finish sees Tatanka do his rain dance, then hit the End of the Trail, and then everyone piles in and schmozzes until Tatanka counters HBK's Teardrop Suplex into a sunset flip, and current-referee-and-future-ECW-manager Bill Alphonso counts the three. Vince throws to Sean Mooney, who still has never seen the inside of the Manhattan Center. He is being mobbed by fans who scream at him about Hulk Hogan being back. We get another fat ring girl, and Bartlett takes the opportunity to name-check Richard Simmons' Deal-A-Meal diet system. Yawn. In the ring is now fully jobber Terry Taylor, who they have completely given up on again. He is facing Crush, but this match is simply a backdrop for Vince and Rob Bartlett to do a bewilderingly bad phone bit, where Bartlett pretends to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Then he continues his run of terrible commentary by asking if Crush has a match at Wrestlemania, even though Macho Man just got done saying he would be facing Doink there. FIRE THIS MAN. Fast-forward, and Crush wins with the Head Vice, and Vince says "Shaka brah". We get a replay from last week, when Money Inc. broke Brutus Beefcake's nose with a briefcase and shoved their now-former manager Jimmy Hart around. This leads to a tease for Hulk Hogan's in-ring interview after the commercial. In-ring, Vince introduces Hulk Hogan. At this point, Hulk had been off TV for almost a year, since the main event of Mania 8, and he gets a predictably good reaction. He enters and does the "YOU!" point at Vince, as fans hold up planted signs. Hulk looks very WCW here, with his smaller body, undyed eyebrows, and red long tights with red Hulkamania shirt. Change his colors from red to black and this would be Hollywood Hogan. Hulk recaps what happened last week to Brutus. As he does this, he looks directly into the camera in the ring, but has his back turned to the hard camera, so every time they cut to it, he is just standing directly in front of Vince. He thanks God and Jimmy Hart for helping Brutus survive the attack. He then announces his comeback and calls out Brutus, who is wearing red and yellow gear and tape on his nose. Beefcake calls the briefcase shot a wake up call and then proceeds to basically repeat what Hogan just said, also thanking God and Jimmy Hart, so then Hulk steps in to invite Jimmy Hart out to be their new manager. Jimmy enters to Real American with a red and yellow suit, and calls this the greatest day of his life. There are boos mixed with the cheers in the crowd, probably because naming Hart as their manager seems pretty heelish. Hart had a great line, promising Hulk that every morning he will take his vitamins, and Money Inc. better say their prayers. Hulk jumps in for the last word, as he pretends to just think of their new team name - the Mega-Maniacs. Hulk's music hits and he hotdogs and grandstands as we go to break. With two minutes left in the show, we now have the main event! It is Undertaker vs Skinner, and I can only assume the Hogan segment went way long, because after thirty seconds of Taker coming to the ring, we get another commercial break. When we return, Skinner is getting heat on Undertaker, and after maybe five seconds, Vince throws to a "Promotional Consideration Paid for by the Following" insert commercial for Slim Jims! That leaves us with about 50 seconds, as Skinner jumps off the apron onto Taker's back outside the ring, which clumsily drives his head into the guardrail. As the two get back in the ring, Vince says we'll see the end of this match next week as we are out of time. He also plugs a World Title match for next week, between champion Bret Hart and his challenger...Fatu of the Headshrinkers. Good to see that in a company with Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Lex Luger, Mr. Perfect, and an undefeated wrestler in Tatanka, a tag team guy somehow leapfrogged them all for a title shot. Oh well, enjoy it Rikishi...it'll be your last shot at the gold until you turn heel on Austin in 2000. That all comes to us next time, with Week Seven of Monday Night Raw.