#my bus got delayed for like 15 minutes before a new one came

[rising-above-stars]

Going to simply perish. Melt, if you will, in this heat of *checks notes* 29C, or perhaps more in this bus with a lack of air con and open windows

[periodicreviews]

A review of Brightline from Orlando to West Palm

"Good Morning."

That's the phrase I heard approximately 8 times before even boarding the 6:38am Brightline train from Orlando to West Palm.

The ticket agent, the turnstile instructor, the x-ray machine operator, and another security guard. That's only 4 people but it could just as easily have been 8.

Depending on who you are, this sounds like heaven or hell. And to me, this was just the beginning of my 2h 16m descent into hell.

Brightline had just started service to Orlando on Sept 22nd. And me, being a fan of not having to drive, figured I should at least give it a shot despite the high $79+ one way price tag.

The first challenge with the train, is getting to the station located at the airport. I could have made the 25 min drive but then I'd have to pay between $14 and $24 daily parking fee depending on how close I wanted to be to the train station. But typically I take the bus which is only $2 dollars each way but takes 45 minutes.

So naturally, I woke up at 430am to catch the 510am bus. The bus takes you to Terminal A, which then requires you to cross to the Terminal B side, to catch the monorail to Terminal C, and then you have to walk a short distance to actually get to the train station. That all takes probably 15-20 minutes as I got there around 612am.

At this point, you're probably thinking "Are you doing this to suffer?"

Anyway, I roll up to the entrance of the station greeted with the aforementioned "Good Morning" onslaught. The turnstiles were simple barcode scanners that triggered gates to open. To me, between the instructions onscreen and the QR tickets, it seemed obvious to me what was required so I just ignored the person who was there to instruct people.

Immediately following the turnstiles was the security section and it was strangely super dark in this area compared to the excessive brightness in the rest of the station. I passed my bag through the scanner and tried to get out of there as I was hit by two more "Good Mornings".

As I entered the main area, I saw on the signs that my train was boarding on track 2, so naturally I headed over to the somewhat obscured track 2 sign. But I was very confused when I saw the doorway was roped off.

I thought "Ok maybe this door isn't working today." So I looked over to the elevators which were also roped off.

I thought "Ok maybe the elevators are out too…" After spotting the only other doors in the building, I started to panic as they were also roped off.

A combination of panic and confusion started to set in. I looked around to see if there was someone I could ask. I wasn't sure the bartender would be the one to ask so I tried to talk to a custodian mopping the floor. It turned out he didn't understand or speak much english so I tried to pull out my spanish with "esta cerrado?" pointing to the doors. I guess he did understand some english because from the fragments I got it sounded like the doors would be opening at some point.

It's just kind of hilarious that they front loaded all the staff that wants to talk to you before you get to the most confusing part of the Brightline experience. Maybe the bartender was who I should've asked given their proximity to the doors.

I decided to use the bathroom at that point. It was nice except the faucet I picked seemed to already have a flow issue. Departure time was approaching so I hurried back out to the roped off door.

As I stood there, an employee came out and said that the train would be on track 1. I pointed to the digital sign that said track 2 and he said it was wrong. "So is the sign broken?" I asked. His response was that he wouldn't lie to me. My concern was not so much that he was lying to me, it's that the brand new station didn't have functioning sign. It's not like an airport where maybe one plane was delayed at a particular gate so they had to move it to another one. The train isn't going to quickly be diverted to another track and it's not like there was another train at the station at the time.

Anyway, "departure time" had arrived so the ropes were removed and we were permitted down to the platform. When I got there, it made a little more sense why they wouldn't let us down here. Unlike every other train station that I've been to in the US and overseas, there were no benches or trash cans on the platform.

The whole experience to this point had felt like an amusement park, where you have to be led down a particular path to ensure you have the optimal experience. But it honestly feels insulting that the company doesn't trust grown adults to do what people all over the world do every day.

If I think about it from a airport perspective, I guess there's less difference. Airports, at least large ones, don't let you just wait on the tarmac. They open the door, then make you line up before they let you on. But at the same time, there's no queue ropes that the airline staff have to manually remove and install each time there's a plane. They just shut the door. Almost like they designed a system that reduced the amount of manual, repetitive labor that the staff had to do so they can focus on assisting passengers.

The queue ropes make sense when there's like a temporary or variable amount of people. When everyone is packed in the line for Jurassic Park at Islands of Adventure, they extend all the queue ropes so they fit the maximum number of people. If no one is there, they pull them down so people don't have to walk through needless serpentine patterns. But at Brightline, it's going to be the same ropes in the same places at the same times of day regardless of the number of passengers.

From a design point of view, why wouldn't you just have digital signs that indicated time until the doors opened? And electronic locks that would prevent them from opening until that time? That would seem to fit even closer with the theme park vibe. The design issues might make more sense if Brightline was reuse existing/older facilities. But all of these stations are brand new, purpose built for Brightline.

I got on the train and after kicking someone out of my seat, I sit down. They've clearly spared no expense on the seats and there's not really anything to complain about with them.

The windows have a pull down window shade which came in handy as the sun rose. Once the train was in motion, I soon figured out that I had to pull it down slightly to stopped an incessant rattling noise as it vibrated against the window frame.

But I would be remiss in not describing the moment the train left the station. Prior to departure it seemed like the entire staff of the station had gathered on the platform. Their purpose soon became clear as the train began to depart and they began to wave. This was peak theme park ride atmosphere in my opinion or maybe just Disney energy.

For kids, 100%. Get everyone on this platform and wave your heart out. But this was 638am. I don't think there were many, if anyone under 16 on this train. Maybe there was, it's not like I profiled everyone or saw everyone that was in the private business lounge.

After bringing this up to my sister, she made the good point that this is probably just a grand opening type of thing. The "Welcome to Moe's" of trains if you will. A brand new Moe's Southwest Grill will have every single employee screaming "Welcome to Moe's!" the minute you walk in the door. After a year, it will be down to a single employee saying it with a "welcome to moe's, I guess" kind of energy.

Sure enough, when I departed from West Palm Beach station the next day, there was only a single employee on the platform waving to the arriving train.

The majority of the ride was mostly uneventful save for two things. The first being the constant pacing of the staff members through the cabin. The first time they came around with a paid snack/drink trolley, I got that they were going for the airline feel. But then they continued to come by and look at everyone like every 15 minutes. There are no call buttons in the seat so I guess they have to keep pacing? I wasn't sure whether there was a problem or security issue but after it lasted the whole train ride, I realized that was just their service?

From a service perspective, they're clearly targeting rich people. And as the stereotype goes, rich people expect to be waited on hand and foot. So this excessive amount of service makes sense that they need to be there the minute someone wants something.

This excessive pacing could be another grand opening pain, where they haven't yet figured out the right intervals to send staff through the train car. Or it could be another design problem. They didn't design the cars to have call buttons, so they have to supplement that with this manual human surveillance.

The second annoyance on the right was the constant train horn the further south you get. On any train, it's going to blow its horn at some point. Depending on what car you're in, you might be right next to the engine. But on my recent trips on Sunrail, Amtrak, and even trains overseas, I don't remember it being as incessant or loud.

Brightline has a real problem with killing people on the tracks. Whether the people they hit are committing suicide or unaware or unable to get out of the way, one can only speculate. So I totally get why they need to keep honking the horn to do whatever it takes to prevent any more deaths. And in comparison, my annoyance with the sound is in no way more important than someones life. You can get around it with noise cancelling headphones or earplugs. But it's also something to just be aware of.

When we arrived in West Palm Beach, the ropes again reared their ugly head. But first, after exiting the train, it was impossible to find the exit from the platform. You'd think that there would be large exit signs to get people off the platform.

I took a closer look at the signs on my return trip and the signs were definitely there, but the text was a lot smaller than I've seen elsewhere. The color scheme wasn't that great either with black font on gray background.

Obviously I found the exit otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this post. After finding the right door, you immediately step onto a set of up escalators. And at the top, the queue ropes were waiting for me. This time they were blocking the exit from the escalators into the rest of the station. I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation as I ducked under them. But then I noticed an older lady behind me and figured I should just unhook them.

From an accessibility perspective, these ropes are a lawsuit waiting to happen whenever someone with low vision or even just someone in a rush doesn't see the ropes and gets clothes-lined by them.

I've listed a lot of complaints about Brightline. But at the end of the day, the train made it from point A to B and provided me with the ability to write down all these complaints as I rode because I didn't have to focus on the road. I was also able to get up and stretch and use the bathroom, something that usually requires me to pull over into a random gas station or a service plaza.

I really do want to like Brightline. If they could lower their fares, speed up the ride, and fix their design issues, then I'd be much more willing to jump through all the hoops required to use transit in Florida. Obviously once I got to West Palm, I had to rent a car because my destinations lay outside the walkable/busable distance from the station. But that's a Florida problem and not necessarily something Brightline can control. Who knows, maybe with more Brightline riders, cities will jump on board with more money for transit. One can dream right?

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

A Tribute to Supernatural (LONG post ahead)

Well, today is the day. The day I have struggled with for the past year or so, the inevitable. The day the last episode of Supernatural was going to air on television. I never thought I’d be writing about this, about how much this show has meant to me, but with today being the day another chapter in all our lives comes to a close, I feel like I owe it to the cast and crew and to all of you, to make this post. So here it goes.

I haven’t been in the fandom for too long, about two-and-a-half years now. I’ll never forget my anniversary date: May 20th. That was the day that changed my life forever. I know, sounds pretty cliché but it’s the truth. I remember that day very vividly, too. I had gone on a bus trip with my family, out to stay at a casino about an eight-hour drive with my family. It was rather a fun time and I remember on our way back home; I was searching through Netflix for a new series to start, and Supernatural had popped up. I hesitated trying it again, because I had previously watched the first episode of the first season, and it absolutely freaked me out. I had tried to watch the second episode after that but couldn’t make it halfway through. After much deliberation with my friends on Facebook, who had been fans for quite a long time at that point, had told me to just push through and keep watching because it got better. So, with an eight-hour drive ahead of me, I figured I’d start it again and really give it time. Little did I know, that was the day that I would hold close to my heart forever. And of course, my friends were pleased to have heard I was giving it another chance because they knew I’d love it; they were right.

Fast forward to today, and this show is way more than just a show to me. It’s become a way for me to connect with people, complete strangers in most cases, but it’s become a safe place. Sure, I’ve had my share of negative people or “bullies” if you want to call them that, but none of that would stop me from talking or sharing anything about the show. Then, I got more invested in the cast and who they were outside of the show. I never realized how important they would become to me too, but they really have and they’ve become like a distant family. Granted, I’ve only met a lot of the cast just once, but the connection they give us, whether through the characters of the show, or the small glimpse into their personal lives they give us, just makes you feel like you’re apart of something bigger. And they never let you think that they don’t care. Of course, they don’t really know me, just like I really don’t know them, yet they have a way to make all of us feel like we’re tied together somehow, and it’s beautiful.

Like I’ve previously stated, I have met quite a few members of the cast (see photos above). My first Supernatural convention was one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had. It had been several years since a convention was set up in Texas but when they announced there was going to be one in the Dallas area, I knew I had to be there. The show had already made that much of a difference to me, under a year. 2019 was the year I graduated from university and I wanted to do something really special to celebrate such a big accomplishment. What did I choose to do? Celebrate with the Supernatural family of course! When I began buying tickets, it was scary yet exciting. I, unfortunately, didn’t get a photo with Jensen because they had sold out already, three months before the event was going to take place (hence the photo with a poster of Jensen). I bought the photo with Jared and was extremely nervous about that photo more than any others. I still really don’t have a solid answer as to why I was so scared to meet him but I usually say because he’s so freaking tall, it’s kind of intimidating, and the fact that I had built such a high pedestal for Sam in my mind, that I was afraid I would disappoint myself seeing Jared, but none of that happened.

Getting to go to a Supernatural convention is extremely difficult. It’s so unbelievably expensive, I still can’t believe I’m trying to go a second time (if COVID would just CHILL) but the experience as a whole, is what does it for me. If you go as I did, I went for the entire weekend because I didn’t want to miss a single minute of all the excitement that was building from Creation Entertainment or the fans who were going to. Actually, it turns out, that a few of the friends I made via social media, were going to be there that weekend too, so we made plans to meet up in person; and we did! The fans are what really makes the convention's special. Because we all have one thing in common and we all can share our experiences and laugh or cry with each other. It’s a community I’ve never been apart of before, but that’s what makes it so special. The fandom has, mostly, been very generous to me. Offering up advice on what to expect when going to the convention and advice on meeting everyone. Most of the advice came about meeting Jared and it turned out everyone was right.

Jared Tristan Padalecki is one GIANT teddy bear! So many people described him that way to me but once you get to see him up close, it’s nothing like you imagine. He is HUGE and it is kind of scary with that floating over your head, but when you walk up to him, he smiles so wide at you and is so happy to see you. For me, I went right in for a hug, wrapping my arms around his waist and his around my back or so. It was brief but I felt so safe just being that close to him for that small amount of time. And then my op, is my friend is supposed to be sad that I’m hugging Jared and not her. We weren’t prepared too much on how we were going to pose, but I remember Jared had reached out for my friend to be closer to him in the photo but she said that she was supposed to be over here for the pose. I remember too, Jared grabbing me and wrapping his arm around me, right under my neck, somewhat close to my boobs (no, he didn’t touch them, even by accident) and I responded by bringing my arms up to hold onto him too, then the photo was taken. I made sure I was smiling and had no idea how Jared looked, but I think he looks absolutely adorable smiling like he was. And when I went to walk away, I looked up at him, looked into those beautiful eyes, and thanked him for the photo and being there that weekend. He smiled at me and rubbed my back just briefly, but I felt heat rise in the place he touched. Other fans too, commented how happy he looked, when I went to pick up my photo on the table that held all the freshly printed photos. I was really happy with how it turned out but I kind of wished we planned it better. This second con, if I get to go, will be a lot better because I’ll have a photo with Jensen and two with Jared, and I’ve already come up with the poses for those three ops.

Ultimately, this show and the community of fans, has really gotten me through a lot. Recently too, life has been pretty difficult for me, but I always just look at my phone to see my wallpaper of me and Jared, and that makes me feel a lot better. I’ve invested so much time and effort into this show, that I can’t imagine a world where it no longer exists. I don’t believe everything we’ve built as a fandom is going away, it’s just going to look a lot different.

I’ve had my own fears for how this day was supposed to come. And it was supposed to originally end much earlier in this year but because it got delayed, the final filming, it brought me a small bit of relief because it meant I got to hold on to Sam and Dean just a little longer. But now that this day is here, I am grateful for all it’s brought me; happiness and a sense of family. I’ve worried too much about how we are all going to carry on without new episodes coming on. Will everyone end up forgetting the show? Will it still be as important to people as it is right now? Will all the merchandise disappear? Will conventions still be going, if they get picked up again? How will people see Jensen and Jared now that they have separate plans? Will they lose fans after the last episode ends? Will we still mean as much to them now as we did at the start of it all? What is the future going to hold for Sam and Dean? So many questions plague my thoughts and have ever since Jensen, Jared and Misha announced season 15 was going to be the last one. But I guess that’s all just a part of the life cycle of a show. And maybe all of these questions will have answers tonight, maybe they won’t. Only time will tell.

All in all, I am so incredibly proud of everyone who was involved in that show. They worked incredibly hard to bring these characters to life every week and they gave us a wonderful fifteen-year run. A lot can happen in fifteen years, and it has, for all of us. No one is the same person they were fifteen years ago; I know I was a child and now I’m all grown up. To try and put into words what this show has meant to me, wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but my level of gratitude to everyone isn’t as easy. I feel like thank you, just isn’t enough. The cast and crew deserve way more than just a thank you and that’s why I’m writing this. But the biggest debt I owe is to Jensen and Jared and everyone who was at the sets from the very beginning. I know it must’ve been difficult, being away from family members as often as you were, but it doesn’t go unnoticed. Thank you to Eric for creating this show and this community. For sharing an insight into the thoughts that roam around your head and bringing them to life. For gifting us with Sam and Dean Winchester, two of the most beloved characters I think anyone has ever seen. I can just see years from now, people talking about the ‘greatest television shows of all time’ and I imagine that Supernatural will be on that list, if not at the top. I hope someone not only talks about the show itself but about the fans and the dedication we have to a storyline so unique as this one. To all the writers, y’all have made me laugh and cry and cheer for the good guys. There have been breathtaking highs and heartbreaking lows throughout the years but what a ride! Never have I been this invested in a tv show before, but as my Supernatural Day 2019 shirt says “possessed and obsessed.”

Finally, to the Supernatural fans, I love you all so much. There isn’t another group of people I would want to have as friends to cope with this ending. I know it’s been hard on all of us, having to accept the end, but we’ve gotten this far, so let’s bring it home. Let us be the ones to carry on the “family business.” We can carry the lessons that the Winchesters taught us and we can be the ones who won’t ever let them be forgotten. It is a privilege to have walked this journey this far and I hope to walk through to the end, together as a family. I want this to hold a special place in your heart years from now, as it will mine. Never forget what this show, this family, the cast and crew have meant to you. It can be easy to forget something that is no longer right in your face but keep the memories close to your heart, forever.

Let’s kick this ending in the ass and come together to support each other in this difficult time. And, as a few people have mentioned, carry on wayward son (and daughters) there will be peace when you are done.

[bechloeislegit]

THE TREBLE VS THE BELLA Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. Labor Day (last-minute invite to a party/cookout) and Hurricane Dorian here in the U.S. had me sidetracked. I'm okay, but my family in Savannah, GA, had to evacuate, and I was busy calling around for a place for them to stay while they drove to safety. All are safe.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~ 

"Do these guys ever air this thing out?" Beca asked, scrunching her nose as she got on the Trebles bus.

"It is a little ripe," Jesse said, grimacing at the odor. "We can't do anything about it now. I'll make sure it gets cleaned up when we get back."

Beca found a seat and Jesse plopped down next to her. Beca opened the window behind her to allow some fresher air to circulate. She noticed one or two of the others opening their windows as well.

"This is so exciting," Jesse said. "Our first year on the team and we're going to the ICCAs. How cool is that?"

"Very," Beca deadpanned.

The rest of the Trebles loaded onto the bus and Donald drove off.

"Our first stop is in two hours for breakfast," Donald called back. "Anyone who falls asleep risks being left on the bus while the rest of us eat. No more warnings."

Jesse looked at Beca and asked, "If I fall asleep, will you wake me when we stop for breakfast?"

"Hmm, maybe," Beca said with an evil grin.

"Beca," Jesse whined.

"Oh, God, quit your whining," Beca said. "You are such a child sometimes. Yes, I'll wake you for breakfast."

"Thanks," Jesse said and laid his head back on the seat and closed his eyes.

Beca pulled out her phone and texted Chloe.

Beca: We're on our way. This bus smells worse than it did when we went to Regionals. Please text me some time in the next 15 hours to make sure I'm still alive.

Beca pocketed her phone and looked out the window as the bus made its way off campus and to the main highway.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

"Beca, wake up," Jesse said, shaking Beca. "We've stopped for breakfast."

Beca wakes up to Jesse shaking her. "What?"

"Food," Jesse said and made his way off the bus.

Beca stretched and followed behind Jesse. She shakes her head, trying to shake the sleep out of her brain; she doesn't remember falling asleep.

Beca made her way into the diner and sat at an empty seat. The waitress came around and took their orders, and the guys started talking and being overly loud. Beca decided to check her phone.

Chloe: How's it going?

Beca noticed the text was sent about ten minutes ago.

Beca: Did you just wake up?

Chloe: Been up for just a bit. I couldn't text because I had to listen to Aubrey talking about Jesse.

Beca: I can't believe she gave you such a hard time about me being a Treble and she's with a Treble. And we weren't even close to being friends or anything else.

Chloe: She said she loves him.

Beca: What? Wow. I've got a long ride. I might just have to bust him on being with Aubrey to see how he feels about her.

"Who are you texting?" Jesse asked as he tried to see her phone.

Beca pulled the phone to her chest. "No one."

"Fine," Jesse said. "I need to talk to you about something when you're done flirting with your mystery texter."

"I'm not flirting," Beca said.

Beca: I have to stop. Jesse's being nosey. I'll text when we're back on the bus.

Chloe: Okay. I'll talk to you later. Miss you.

Beca: You're such a cheeseball.

Beca: Miss you, too.

Beca put her phone away and looked at Jesse. "Okay, so what'd you want to talk about?"

"Dad," Jesse said and put up his hand before Beca could say anything. "I know you don't want to but hear me out. Please?"

Beca crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "Can we talk about it on the bus? I don't want to ruin my appetite."

"As long as we talk, I don't mind when," Jesse said.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

Beca and Jesse had been on the bus for thirty minutes, and neither had said a word. Jesse finally asked, "Are we going to talk or what?"

"You want to talk? Let's talk," Beca said. "When were you going to tell me about you and Aubrey?"

"Um, what?" Jesse asked, looking nervous.

"You and Aubrey?" Beca repeated. "You've been dating for a little over a month. When were you going to tell me?"

"Uh, after the ICCAs?" Jesse said, his voice rising. He let out a heavy sigh. "I wanted to tell you. I swear, I did. Only Aubrey wanted to wait to tell everyone, so it didn't interfere with everyone's focus on the ICCAs."

"How did it even happen?" Beca asked. "When did it even happen? Last I saw she was ranting and raving about how awful the Trebles are. Which means she was ranting and raving about how awful you are."

"I helped change her mind about us," Jesse said with a smug smile. "Well, about me."

Beca stared at him with her best resting bitch face.

"Fine," he said. "It sort of started before Spring Break. We went on our first date but didn't tell anyone. Over Spring Break, we texted and talked on the phone. I really like her, Beca. Plus, she told me she's ending the No Trebles rule."

"So, how did you two even start talking?" Beca asked.

"I ran into her the day after you were arrested and yelled at her," Jesse said. "Mostly about how she was wrong about you. I don't know exactly when I stopped yelling, and we started really talking, but the next thing I knew, I invited her for coffee. I consider that our first date. When we were done, I asked her out to dinner."

Jesse was smiling when he finished talking. Beca couldn't help but be happy for him.

"I guess I approve," Beca said, laughing when he raised his fist in the air and yelled "Yes!"

"Wait," Jesse said, bringing his arm down. "How'd you know about Aubrey and me?"

Beca's phone pinging with a text saved her from answering. She held up a finger to make Jesse wait and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She smiled when she saw it was a text from Chloe.

"Hey!" Beca yelled as Jesse grabbed her phone from her and held it out of her reach.

"Who texts you to make you smile like that?" Jesse asked, laughing. He looked at Beca's phone and went quiet. "Why is Chloe texting you?"

Beca grabbed her phone back. "None of your business."

"You hypocrite," Jesse said. He noticed the other Trebles starting to look over at them. He turned his back on them and leaned into Beca. "Are you dating Chloe?"

Beca let out a heavy sigh. "Yes."

"Oh, my God," Jesse said and smiled. "Can we double sometime?"

"What? You're okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I knew you liked her. I'm happy for you. So, tell me everything. Did you ask her or did she ask you? Where'd you go?"

"You remember that day you found me at the library?"

Jesse nodded.

"I was working on her to get her to ask me out."

"Oh, I interrupted you. Shit, I'm sorry, Beca."

"It's okay. She did ask me out."

"Was that the text you got when we were at the diner?"

"Yep," Beca said.

"Wow," Jesse said.

Beca and Jesse sat thinking about their new significant others. They smiled and looked at each other.

"I think I'm in love with her," the two siblings said simultaneously.

They started laughing, and Jesse pulled Beca to him in a hug.

"I feel like I got my sister back," Jesse said. "Talking and telling each other our secrets. I missed this. I missed us."

Beca pulled back from the hug and smiled. "It's nice to be you and me again."

Beca's phone pinged again.

"Oh, shoot," Beca said as she opened the text. "I forgot Chloe texted."

"Whipped," Jesse coughed out.

Beca didn't hear or respond; she too was busy reading Chloe's text and smiling.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

Beca and Jesse talked until Uni stopped for dinner. Beca texted Chloe to let her know where they were and how things were going.

Beca: Jesse and I have been talking almost the whole time.

Chloe: That's good. Right?

Beca: Yeah, it is. I missed him so much, and now we promised to be there for each other no matter what. I know this time he will be.

Chloe: I'm so happy for you, babe. I know how much you wanted to get back to the way things were before.

Beca: Babe? Moving kind of fast aren't you, Beale?

Chloe: Nope. Moving at a medium speed. Trying to honor my promise to take it slow, but also moving things along so I can see you naked again.

Beca's face reddened, and she looked around the table to see if anyone was paying attention to her. Lucky for her, Jesse was turned away from her talking to one of the other Trebles.

Beca: You're killing me.

"Eat up, Beca," Jesse said, startling Beca. "We're leaving soon."

Beca: I have to go. I'll text you once we're back on the road. Love you.

Beca put her phone in her pocket and started eating. Suddenly, her phone started pinging, and Jesse looked at her.

"Someone misses you," Jesse said with a smile.

Beca pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at it. Her brows furrowed.

"What the hell does she mean did I mean it?" Beca mumbled as she scrolled through her text thread. "Did I mean - Oh, shit!"

Beca's phone rang.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

"Chloe, calm down," Stacie said. "Aubrey's going to come over here if you don't stop."

'But she texted Love you," Chloe said. "Do you think she meant it as in I love you?"

"I don't know, Chloe," Stacie said. "But judging how long she's been into you before you got together, I'd say yes, she does."

"But, we just started dating," Chloe said. "How can she be sure she loves me."

"Let me ask you this," Stacie said. "Do you love her?"

Chloe opened her mouth to say something but shut it quickly. She looked at Stacie who looked back at her with a raised eyebrow.

Chloe looked down at her phone. Her thumb hovered over the call button for a few seconds before she pressed it and put the phone to her ear.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

"Oh, shit!"

"Everything okay, Beca?" Donald asked.

"Um, what? Yeah, yeah," Beca stammered. "I, uh, I'll be right back."

Beca jumped up from the table and hurried to go outside. Jesse watched her go and decided to follow her.

Beca's phone stopped ringing, and she paced back and forth, not knowing what to do. She jumped when Jesse spoke.

"You sure you're okay, Beca?"

"I did something," Beca said, looking pale.

"What did you do?"

"I may have told Chloe I loved her in a text," Beca said.

Jesse stared at her for a moment and then started laughing. Beca's face took on an angry glare.

"I'm sorry," Jesse said. "Is that all? Why are you freaking out about it?"

"I, um, I don't know," Beca said.

"What's the problem?" Jesse asked. "You said you thought you love her."

"I do," Beca said. "But it's kind of soon, don't you think? And to tell her over a text is...wrong somehow."

"No, I don't. I knew I loved Aubrey after our second date," Jesse said.

"I, uh-"

Beca's phone started ringing again.

"Ah," she cried out and threw the phone at Jesse; he managed to catch it before it fell to the ground.

Jessed laughed and looked down to see Chloe calling.

"Hey, Chloe," Jesse said, answering the call.

Beca's eyes widened, and she started trying to get the phone away from Jesse. He moved around to keep her from getting to it.

"She's right here," Jesse said. "Yeah, she's freaking out a bit."

Beca punched him in the arm. "Give me my phone," she said, holding out her hand.

"Here she is," Jesse said, handing Beca her phone with a cheesy grin. "Good luck."

Jesse turned and went back inside the restaurant. Beca took a deep breath and put the phone to her ear.

"Heyyyy," Beca said.

"That's all you have to say to me?" Chloe asked, smiling. "I was hoping I could hear you say what you texted out loud to me. In-person would be preferable, but over the phone is good too."

"Wait. You, you're not freaked out?"

"I was at first. But I realized something."

Beca waited, and when Chloe didn't say anything else, she asked, "What did you realize?"

"I realized that," Chloe said and paused before softly saying, "I love you, too."

A smile came to Beca's face as she said, "Good. I meant it, and I do love you."

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

Jesse and the Trebles exited the restaurant to find Beca sitting on a bench with a grin on her face.

"Go ahead, guys," Jesse told the Trebles. "We'll be there in a minute."

The guys nodded and made their way to their bus. Jesse sat down next to Beca.

"I'm guessing by that silly grin on your face everything worked out okay," Jesse said.

"She said she loved me, too," Beca said.

Jesse grabbed Beca in a side hug. "Congratulations! Hey, maybe we can double now."

"That may have to wait," Beca said. "Chloe hasn't told Aubrey about us yet."

"Oh," Jesse said. "She's going to be upset."

"Why?" Beca asked. "She's dating a Treble and didn't tell Chloe until Chloe caught you guys together."

"I didn't mean because you're a Treble," Jesse said. "I meant because she's Chloe's best friend. Aubrey was really upset over keeping her and me a secret from Chloe. And she was secretly glad that Chloe found out. I think she might feel as if Chloe is using this as payback."

"Chloe wouldn't do that," Beca said. "She had already said she was going to tell Aubrey after the ICCAs. She doesn't want to upset her before their performance."

"Come on, you guys!" Donald yelled from the bus.

"We should go," Jesse said. "We can talk more on the bus."

Beca stood, and she and Jesse made their way to the bus. Jesse found a seat and Beca sat next to him.

The bus pulled off with Uni behind the wheel. Jesse and Beca sat quietly for a few minutes.

"You said earlier you wanted to talk to me about dad," Beca said, breaking the silence.

"You really want to talk about dad?"

"Not really," Beca said honestly. "I just want to get my mind on something else for a bit. I'm nervous about Chloe telling Aubrey about us."

"Okay," Jesse said. "Before you get mad at me, please let me say what I have to say."

Beca took a breath and let it out. "Okay."

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

Chloe's smile was bigger and brighter than Stacie had ever seen.

"I take it the discussion went well," Stacie said.

"She loves me," Chloe said. "She actually said she loves me."

Stacie squealed, causing the girls to look over at them. Stacie ignored them and pulled Chloe into a hug. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks," Chloe said, pulling away from Stacie. "Aubrey looks like she's about to come over here. We'd better join the other girls."

Stacie and Chloe walked over to the other Bellas, both wearing big smiles.

"Okay, ladies," Aubrey said, getting their attention. "Our flight leaves at 9:15 am tomorrow, so I want everyone to get whatever they are taking to New York and meet at our apartment by eight tonight. We're going to have everyone stay over so we can guarantee we leave on time for the airport. Chloe and I will order pizza."

"We have an airport shuttle picking us up at 6:30 am," Chloe said.

Several groans were heard, and Aubrey quieted them by raising an eyebrow and looking around at them.

"We'll be staying for two nights," Chloe continued. "We arrive in New York around 11:30 tomorrow. We will check into our hotel and have lunch together. Our rehearsal time is 3:00 pm sharp at Lincoln Center, so we don't want anyone wandering off. We will stick together until after dinner. Then you can have a few hours of free time. Everyone's curfew will be 11:00 pm, with no exceptions. Aubrey and I will be checking every room."

"What are we doing before the competition?" Jessica asked.

"We'll have breakfast together," Aubrey said. "Then we will be doing some sightseeing. We will return to the hotel at 5:00 to freshen up and meet for dinner at 6:00. They have buses that will shuttle us to the Lincoln Center starting at 7:30. We will be assigned a dressing room where we can change for the competition. The ICCAs start at 9:00 pm. I'm not sure exactly what time we'll perform, but it will be close to the end. Did I forget anything, Chloe?"

"I think you covered it all," Chloe said with a smile. "And, win or lose, we will be celebrating when it's all over."

"Yes!" The girls all cheered.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

"Dad wants to talk to you," Jesse said. "But, he's embarrassed he let things get this bad between you. He told me that he called mom after I told him about some of the stuff you said. She told him that you were making things up because you wanted attention."

Beca scoffed and started to say something. Jesse held up his hand.

"Wait until I'm done, please," Jesse said. Beca nodded, and Jesse continued. "Okay. After he talked to mom, that's when he told me you were making it all up. He didn't have any reason not to believe mom. Then when mom died, he called Grams. She told him that everything you said was true."

Jesse stopped and looked at Beca with sorrow in his eyes. "Dad didn't know what to do. He wanted to reach out to you, but you had stopped trying to communicate with me, and we figured you didn't want to hear from either one of us. And I wanted to call you but didn't know what to say. After a while, it was just easier to ignore everything and pretend like everything was fine. So, we did."

Jesse ran a hand through his hair. "When mom died, I chose not to come to the funeral. I wanted to see you, but knowing what she did to you, I was so angry at mom I couldn't come. And for that, I will forever be sorry. One because it was a chance to let you know I was there for you, and two because my mom died and I didn't say goodbye." Jesse wiped the tears from his face and looked at Beca. "And I know it's too little, too late, but dad and I really want to make it up to you. So, he wants to talk to you. Maybe you can come to dinner at dad's place and that way you can yell at us and give us hell without an audience. Hopefully, when the dust settles, we can be a family again."

Beca swallowed and wiped at her tears. She nodded and said, "I'll have dinner with you and dad."

"Thank you," Jesse said, pulling Beca into a hug. "That's all I ask."

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

The next day, the Bellas arrive in New York and check into the hotel. They are waiting for their lunch orders when Chloe's phone pings with a text notification.

Beca: Are you all checked in yet? We're on our way back from rehearsal right now.

Chloe: Yep. I'm in Room 332.

Beca: Seriously? I'm in 327. Want to have our date tonight?

Chloe: I'd love to.

Beca: Great. Let me know what time you're free.

Chloe: I'm going to tell Aubrey about us. I don't want to be sneaking around. I want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you whenever I want.

Beca: Okay. Want me to be there when you do? I don't want you upset or have her yell at you.

Chloe: Yes, please.

Beca: Okay. When are you going to tell her?

Chloe: After lunch, we're going to our rooms. I want to tell her then.

Beca: Text me when you're on your way to your room. I'll meet you there.

Chloe: I love you.

Beca: I love you, too, and I can't wait to say it to you in person.

Chloe: Me, too. I have to go; our food is here.

Beca: Okay.

Chloe put her phone in her pocket and chatted with the girls as they ate lunch. Once they were done eating, Chloe began to get nervous. She didn't know how Aubrey was going to react.

They left the restaurant and were making their way to the elevators when Stacie held Chloe back.

"Are you okay?" Stacie asked. "You seem a bit out of it."

"Yeah," Chloe said. "Beca and I are going to tell Aubrey about us. I'm nervous."

"Why?" Stacie said. "She's your best friend. She'll be happy for you."

"I hope so," Chloe said. "I have to text Beca and let her know we're on our way up."

Chloe: We're at the elevators and should be in our room shortly.

Beca: I'll be waiting for you.

True to her word, Beca was waiting outside Aubrey and Chloe's room when they got off the elevator.

The Bellas all greeted Beca as they walked by. Beca saw Chloe and couldn't help but smile.

"Hey," Beca said as Chloe and Aubrey walked up.

"Hi, Beca," Aubrey said. "Did you need something?"

"Um, yeah," Beca said. "Can I talk to you? And Chloe."

"Sure, come on in," Aubrey said as she opened the door.

Beca and Chloe followed Aubrey in. Chloe stood near Beca, nervously chewing her lip.

"Relax," Beca said. "I got this."

Chloe nodded, and Aubrey turned to look at Beca.

"What's up?" Aubrey asked.

"I know you're going to be mad," Beca said. "But, we don't want to hide it anymore."

"Hide what?"

"I'm in love with Chloe, and she's in love with me," Beca said. "We've only been together for a short while, but she means the world to me. I'm the one who asked that we keep it a secret so if you're going to yell at anyone, yell at me."

Beca swallowed and let out a breath. Chloe smiled and took Beca's hand.

"I do love her, Brey," Chloe said, turning to look at Aubrey.

"How long exactly?"

"Our first date was the night I saw you and Jesse at the ice cream place," Chloe said.

Aubrey looked at Beca. "So, you know about Jesse and me?"

"Yeah," Beca said.

Aubrey smiled and walked over to the couple. She grabbed them both to her in a hug.

"I'm so happy for you two," Aubrey said.

"Really?" Chloe asked, her voice muffled against Aubrey's shoulder.

Aubrey pulled back. "Of course, I am," she said. "I know how much you liked her from the beginning. Initially, she wouldn't have been my first choice for you, but she's grown on me."

"Oh, Brey," Chloe said and pulled Aubrey into a hug. "Thank you."

"I'd be a hypocrite if I wasn't okay with it," Aubrey said. "Oh, now we can double-date."

"Now, you sound like Jesse," Beca mumbled.

Aubrey pulled out her phone and started texting.

"What are you doing?" Chloe asked.

"I'm telling the girls to come here to our room," Aubrey said. "I want to tell them about Jesse and me."

"What about us?" Beca asked.

"That's up to you," Aubrey said. "I want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hand and kiss him without worrying about who might see us."

"Can we tell them?" Chloe asked Beca.

"Definitely," Beca said. "I want to be able to do all that stuff with my girlfriend, too."

There was a knock on the door and Aubrey went to answer. Soon all the Bellas were in the room. Stacie saw Beca and raised an eyebrow at her. Beca just smiled and shrugged.

Aubrey was surprised at how well the Bellas accepted that she and Chloe had both broken the no Trebles oath. The girls were excited for their sister Bellas.

"And girls," Aubrey said as they started to leave. "You are on your own after rehearsal. I'm going to ask my boyfriend out on a date."

The girls cheered and left, smiling and laughing.

Before they parted, Beca and Chloe made plans to have a nice dinner somewhere before going back to Beca's room to watch a movie.

Aubrey asked Jesse out, and they made plans to spend the evening together. As Captains, they made plans to have the two groups go on a sightseeing tour the next day.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

Later that evening, Beca and Chloe were cuddling on Beca's bed while a movie played in the background.

"I'm glad Aubrey knows about us," Beca said.

"Me, too," Chloe said. "I'm glad the Bellas accept it, too."

"Yeah," Beca said. "Jesse told the Trebles, and they didn't seem to care one way or the other."

Chloe snuggled closer to Beca.

"I, um, I think I'm going to quit the Trebles," Beca said, causing Chloe to sit up and look at her.

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just feels like I should."

"Again, why? Becs, you're doing great with them. Why would you want to quit?"

"I've been thinking, and I want to be able to spend some time with you after you graduate," Beca said. "I won't have much time if I'm tied up with rehearsals and school."

"You're staying?" Chloe asked. "I thought you were leaving after this semester."

"I changed my mind," Beca said. "I mean, Jesse will still be here. Plus, I've made some friends, and I'd like to see it through."

"Well, then bonus for you. I'll be here, too," Chloe said. "I kind of failed Russian Lit so I won't be graduating."

"What?" Beca asked. "How did that happen?"

"My heart wasn't in it," Chloe said. "I'm afraid of what's out there in the real world. I love being a Bella, and it makes me feel safe and like I belong. And, there's you. I don't want to lose you."

Chloe wiped at a tear that fell.

"Come here," Beca said and pulled Chloe into a hug. "I don't want to lose you, either. Want to come to Maine with me this summer? You can meet my Grams. And if things work out, maybe you can meet my dad."

"Your dad?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah," Beca said. "Jesse said he wanted to talk to me. To make things right between us. And I, uh, I want that, too."

Chloe was stopped from saying anything by a knock on the door. Beca pulled away from Chloe and went to answer it. She was surprised to find Aubrey standing there.

"I need to speak with Chloe," Aubrey said as she entered.

"Come on in," Beca said, holding the door open.

"What's wrong, Brey?"

"I, uh, brought your pajamas and clothes for tomorrow," Aubrey said, holding out her arms. "Jesse is, um, spending the night with me so I thought you wouldn't mind staying with Beca."

Beca's face lit up, and Chloe smiled. "Sure, if Beca doesn't mind."

"I do not mind at all," Beca said.

"Thanks," Aubrey said and put the clothes on the bed. "I'll see you in the morning."

Aubrey hurried out the door with a "Goodnight." Chloe put her clothes on the dresser and stood in front of Beca.

"So, I'm spending the night with you?" Chloe said.

"Looks like," Beca said.

"Are we still taking things slow?"

"That depends," Beca said, taking a step closer to Chloe.

"On what?" Chloe asked, taking a step closer to Beca, so they were toe-to-toe.

"On how good you are at seducing me to make me change my mind," Beca said with a smile.

"Challenge accepted," Chloe said as she closed the small distance and smashed her lips against Beca's.

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

The next morning, Beca and Chloe walked into the restaurant hand-in-hand. They were surprised to see some Bellas and Trebles having breakfast together. They joined the group. Chloe was sitting next to Stacie, while Beca was next to Fat Amy.

"Someone got laid last night," Stacie whispered to Chloe.

"More than once," Chloe said with a wink and a smile.

Jesse and Aubrey walked in together and greeted everyone. The rest of the Bellas and Trebles followed close behind. The restaurant became quite noisy as the conversations became livelier with talk of the ICCA being the main topic of discussion.

After breakfast, the two groups enjoyed sightseeing together. Later that afternoon, they returned to the hotel and parted ways, agreeing to meet for dinner before taking the bus to Lincoln Center.

After being dropped off at Lincoln Center, the two groups were assigned a dressing room and were now preparing for the competition. Everyone was nervous and excited.

The Trebles and Bellas had been notified that they were needed backstage as they were the next two competitors.

The Trebles were standing to the side, waiting for their introduction when the Bellas walked up.

"Good luck," Chloe told Beca, giving her a quick kiss.

"You, too," Beca said.

"And now, the Barden Treblemakers," the announcer could be heard calling out.

Beca ran out with the guys and got into position. They started, and Jesse came running in from the side. He stepped on the base of the mic stand that was laying on its side and grabbed it when he swung up; he placed the mic into the holder.

I've been livin' for the weekend, but no, not anymore 'Cause here comes that familiar feelin' that Friday's famous for

Yeah, I'm lookin' for some action, and it's out there somewhere You can feel the electricity all in the evening air

Jesse grabbed the mic from the stand and danced over to the side of the stage.

And it may just be more of the same But sometimes you wanna go where everyone knows your name

So I guess I'll have to wait and see But I'm just gonna let something brand new happen to me

Jesse made his way back over to the mic stand and placed the mic in its holder. Several of the guys and Beca joined him in a line as they continued to sing and dance.

And it's alright (It's alright) It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

Bright lights in the big city Belongs to us tonight Ahhh

As they stretched out the last note, the guys pulled back, and Benji came from behind them. He looked at Jesse and began to sing.

I've got the magic in me Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold Now everybody knows I've got the magic in me When I hit the flow the girls come snappin' at me Now everybody wants some presto magic

The stage suddenly came alive as Beca came racing to the front, rapping while the Trebles danced around behind her.

These tricks that I'll attempt will blow your mind Pick a verse, any verse, I'll hypnotize you with every line

Beca looked over to the Bellas and winked at Chloe as she continued.

I'll need a volunteer, how about you with the eyes? Come on down to the front, and sit right here and don't be shy 

Chloe smiled wide when Beca pointed at her while singing the last two lines.

So come one, come all, and see the show tonight Prepare to be astounded, no ghost or poltergeist You know I'm no Pinocchio, I've never told a lie

Benji and Jesse took over the lead as the guys continued providing backup and dancing around the stage.

They call me Mr. Magic Man, I float on Cloud 9 I've got the magic in me (I got the magic, baby)

Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold (Yes, it turns to gold)

Everybody knows I've got the magic, magic, magic (Clap your hands, c'mon!)

Magic, magic, magic M-M-Magic, magic, magic

Whaaahooooo I got the magic in me!

The crowd erupted in applause, and Benji grabbed Jesse in a hug. Beca was being crushed between Donald and Uni as they celebrated. They settled down a bit, and everyone made their way offstage.

Beca and Jesse sat next to each other to watch the Bellas' performance. Beca wanted to see how the change she made once they found out that Chloe could hit the low notes after her nodes surgery, sounded.

"You did good," Jesse told Beca when the Bellas were about halfway through their set. "The set is awesome!"

"Thanks," Beca said.

When the Bellas finished, the crowd erupted in applause and jumped to their feet. Jesse and Beca were smiling and clapping as they stood side by side, watching their girlfriends.

The Bellas were all smiles as they hugged each other. The practically bounced offstage. Chloe and Aubrey hurried to make their way to the row in front of Beca and Jesse.

Chloe didn’t say anything; she grabbed Beca by the tie and pulled her down into a kiss. 

Jesse smiled at Aubrey, and just before kissing her, said, "I keep telling you. Endings are the best part."

~oOo~ The Treble vs The Bella ~oOo~

A/N: That's not quite it. One more chapter, a sort of Epilogue if you will, to tie up a few things.

[vernonfielding]

Life Writes Its Own Stories

Welcome to my obsession! An Amy/Jake newspaper AU: Amy Santiago is a Brooklyn crime reporter eager to break the big story. Jake Peralta is a cynical NYPD detective who trusts no one. If they can get over themselves, they may figure out they’re on the same side.

AN: I am incredibly grateful to the amazing @fezzle for her help with this story: as a beta, a cheerleader, a title-brainstormer and a friend. She offered invaluable feedback that changed the whole tenor of this story, in a way that I think made it so much better. I am so lucky to have found her.

A note to readers wary of multi-chapter fics: This story is complete. I will be posting updates every couple of days, unless I get hit by a bus or something, in which case @fezzle has permission to post for me.

And now, onto Chapter 1 of 15! (You can read at AO3 too.)

Chapter 1

Amy took the subway stairs two at a time and sprinted into the bright morning sunshine, slowing down just enough to glance down at the cell phone in her hand and check the time. She was already one minute late.

“Damnit,” Amy said under her breath and picked up her speed again, waving over her shoulder at the taxi that honked when she darted through the traffic on Bergen. She took the turn onto 6th Avenue so fast that she had to flail her arms to keep her balance, then she put her head down and raced. She ran right up to the front entrance of the 99th Precinct and slammed to a stop, gasping for breath.

“Press conference is delayed,” said the cameraman standing beside her. “Nice day, huh?”

Amy glared at him and he laughed. It was approaching triple digits and the humidity was well over 80 percent and she could feel sweat pooling in her lower back and under her breasts. She plucked at the front of her blouse where it was stuck to her chest. At least she wasn’t late.

The other reporters were spread out in a loose ring around the front of the precinct, most of their faces familiar to Amy. There were three TV journalists, a couple of radio folks, the guy from the online newsletter who was at literally every event in Brooklyn – Amy could never tell how he managed it – and, to her surprise and displeasure, reporters from The Times and the Daily News. And she’d thought her day was already a mess – now this story was competitive.

Amy undid her ponytail and tied her hair into a slightly more secure bun, glad to get a little more air on her neck. She took out her phone again and opened the voice recording app, then pulled out her notebook and her favorite pen and her two backup pens, which she shoved into the pocket of her skirt. She was just checking her email when the precinct doors swung open and Captain Pembroke stepped out, followed closely by Scully and a handful of other cops. The reporters surged forward as one, arms thrust out with cell phones and other recording devices. Amy hit “record” on her phone and stacked her notebook on top so she could jot down every word, just in case.

“We made an arrest in the Adams case,” Pembroke said without preamble, in the same smug voice he used for every interaction with the press, no matter how grave the news. “Last night, we took Keith Jones, fiancé of Judy Adams, into custody…”

Amy took down the name of the suspect and then paused, listening as Pembroke went over all the details of the case. She was still a little confused as to why he’d called a press conference. This wasn’t an especially remarkable case, other than that the dead woman was young, blond and beautiful. (Amy had actually spent a weird amount of time studying her eyeshadow to try to figure out how she got such a fantastic daytime smoky-eye.) She’d been found strangled in Prospect Park last weekend, and for a day or so there had been concerns in the community that she was attacked by a stranger preying on women, which was probably why The Times and the Daily News were here. But that didn’t explain why the NYPD was holding a press conference.

Pembroke droned on for a while but he didn’t have much new to say – Amy had already been tipped off about the fiancé by Scully – and when he finally asked for questions, Amy let herself be nudged back by the other reporters as they yelled out their follow-ups. She glanced down at her phone, debating if she could stop recording, when a voice whispered in her ear.

“Ask about the ex.”

Amy jerked and looked back over her shoulder. A man was standing right behind her. He had dark tousled hair and he was wearing sunglasses and a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Amy thought, out of nowhere, ‘He has nice forearms.’ He also had a detective badge around his neck.

“What did you say?” she said.

The detective nodded toward Pembroke. “Ask him about the ex-boyfriend.”

Amy gaped at him for a moment, then turned back to Pembroke, who was smirking in a self-satisfied way at the assembled journalists -- which, again, was not anything new.

“Peralta!” a voice called out.

Amy looked back over her shoulder just as the detective did the same. He glanced once more at Amy, mouthed “the ex” very dramatically, then turned on his heel and walked away.

One of the TV reporters asked if a wedding date for the dead woman and her fiance had been scheduled and Pembroke said, “That’s a stupid question, we’re done” and made for the front door. The reporters let him go, and Amy ducked through the scattering pack of them. She reached Pembroke just as he was pushing open the precinct door.

“Captain?” Pembroke turned and looked her up and down, slowly. Amy felt her skin crawl and she cleared her throat. “Amy Santiago. With the Brooklyn Bulletin. What can you tell me about Judy Adams’ ex-boyfriend?”

Pembroke’s face went suddenly hard and he narrowed his eyes. “Why? Who told you about him?”

“No one,” Amy said, quickly. “Just, I heard there was an ex and I wondered if he was a suspect.”

Pembroke stared at her long enough to make her uncomfortable, then muttered, “No comment” and disappeared into the precinct.

+++

Amy worked the story the rest of the day. A quick look on Facebook confirmed that Judy Adams did have an ex-boyfriend, and he was a cop who worked out of Queens. She tracked down family and friends and talked to the fiance’s lawyer and even got Scully to slip up and tell her that Judy had once taken out a restraining order on her ex. Finally, with just half an hour before deadline and on a last-ditch whim, she called the jail to ask if anyone with the ex-boyfriend’s name was there, and the answer was yes. He’d been booked on murder charges that very afternoon. After Amy confirmed that the birthdate and city of residence of the inmate were the same as the ex-boyfriend – she’d seen it happen before, people with the same name getting confused in the media – she topped off the article and sent it to Terry, who ran it by Holt.

They made the deadline.

“That was good work, Santiago,” Holt said later, after asking her to stop by his office.

The story was Amy’s first big scoop, and Holt had never praised her before, not even a nod the first time she made the front page. She tried to school her face into a professional facade, though based on how much her cheeks hurt from containing her grin, she probably just looked insane.

“I can’t believe they were going to try to pin the murder on her fiancé,” she said, forcing herself to sound cool and casual.

“I doubt they were going to hold him for long.” Holt leaned forward and folded his hands under his chin. “My guess was they wanted to distract us with the fiancé, then let the story blow over for a few days before they arrested the police officer. They only arrested him today because you were asking questions.”

At that, Amy didn’t even bother to fight her grin. “I’m just happy justice will be served,” she said.

Holt nodded sagely and told her to go home. “I’ll want a follow tomorrow on this cop,” he said as she headed back to her desk to pick up her things.

Amy decided to walk home instead of taking the subway. It was late enough that the heat of the day had finally dissipated a little, and anyway, she hadn’t been outside once since getting back to the newsroom. It was nice to breathe some fresh air, such as it was in New York.

Today had been by far her most successful since joining the Bulletin staff three months ago. Honestly, it had been her first successful day, period.

At 30, Amy knew she was a bit on the old side for an entry-level job covering cops at a community newspaper like the Bulletin, but she’d just switched careers after a post-college stint as an elementary school art teacher. She’d actually been surprised when Holt had offered to put her on cops -- it wasn’t the most glamorous beat, but it was a step above general assignment. And it was a beat she genuinely loved. Of course she had aspirations to make it to The Times someday, but for the moment, she was thrilled to be exactly where she was: covering the NYPD, source of the grisliest, most sensational news in the country.

But crime was a tough beat, with especially fierce competition and tight-lipped sources and a lot of gossip and misinformation to contend with. The cops themselves were sometimes the hardest part of the job. There was so much bitter history and genuine mistrust between the NYPD and the media.

Amy had been feeling overwhelmed from her first day, and though Raymond Holt was a smart, inspiring editor in chief, he was also intimidating and she badly wanted to impress him. She’d been barely keeping up with the crimes of the day and had been starting to feel like maybe she didn’t have the spark to nail the bigger stories -- the scoops that make or break a reporter.

Until today, anyway. Amy hummed to herself as she crossed through Fort Greene Park, which was still buzzing with activity even after 10 p.m. on a Friday night, though much of the noise came from the bars and restaurants on the perimeter. Her story would already be online by now, and tomorrow it would be on the front page of the newspaper. She could hardly wait to see the reaction it would get. Even The Times would have to follow her lead.

As she headed up Franklin toward her apartment, Amy replayed the events of the day all over again. It had started with that detective. He’d had an impish smile and unruly hair, but his information had been solid. She wondered why he’d picked her out of the crowd of reporters.

Peralta. That was the name he’d responded to. She’d have to look him up sometime.

+++

“Peralta, you are an idiot.”

Rosa shoved her phone in front of Jake’s face and he jerked back instinctively, sloshing beer down his shirt and into his lap.

“Rosa, what the-”

“Read,” Rosa said, shaking the phone. He took it from her and squinted at the text she’d pulled up on the screen.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t think she’d get the story that fast,” Jake said, impressed.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Rosa snatched her phone back. “The Vulture will slaughter you if he finds out this came from you.”

Jake shrugged, though in reality the very idea of being found out tipping off a reporter made him feel slightly ill. “I just didn’t want to see that asshole get off.”

“You know they were going to arrest him anyway.”

“Yeah, but only after no one gave a shit anymore, and then at least the department could save face,” Jake said. He grabbed a napkin and blotted at his wet clothes. “I’m just tired of this bullshit.”

He knew he didn’t have to explain to Rosa the bullshit he was talking about. The Vulture had taken over the Nine-Nine almost two years ago, and their jobs had been hell ever since.

Pembroke’s stated goal was not so much about catching bad guys, but making the NYPD – and more specifically Pembroke himself – look good. In theory, those were the same goals. But somehow under the Vulture the two paths diverged, and Jake and Rosa had found themselves increasingly pressured to prioritize cases that would get positive media attention and back off of the – as Pembroke put it – garbage ones.

Most of the decent cops in the Nine-Nine had left within a year of the Vulture taking over, but somehow Jake and Rosa were still there, partnered on a lonely island surrounded by cold, unfriendly, shark- (or vulture-) infested waters.

“If you’re thinking of making a habit of this, don’t,” Rosa said, tipping her beer bottle toward Jake in a weirdly threatening way. “The Vulture will find out, and if he doesn’t, Wuntch will. It’s too risky.”

“I know.” Jake sighed, and took a long pull from his beer. “I just kind of lost it today when he actually called a press conference and fed them all lies. He knowingly arrested the wrong man and made him the headline of the day. That’s messed up, Rosa.”

Rosa nodded glumly. “Yeah, that was all kinds of fucked up.”

They drank in silence for a while, ignoring the other cops and assorted locals at Shaw’s. Jake grabbed a handful of nuts from the bowl on their table and picked out the cashews before tossing the rest in his mouth.

Approaching that reporter had been a spontaneous decision. He’d snuck out the back of the precinct to watch the press conference, knowing it was going to piss him off. When the Vulture had started spelling the fiance’s name -- to make sure the journalists got it right, of course -- something in Jake had snapped.

He’d waited until the reporters converged on him to ask their questions and then sidled up right behind the young woman in the back. Her shiny brown hair had been falling out of her bun, the loose strands curling around her neck, and her pink blouse was sticking to her back with sweat. She’d clearly been startled when he’d suddenly whispered in her ear, but she’d recovered quickly. He’d watched her approach Pembroke straight away. So she was brave, or else just new.

Jake left Shaw’s on the early side, after Rosa decided to chew him out some more. At his apartment, he showered and changed into sleep clothes and climbed into bed, then he pulled up the Bulletin story and read it to the end. She’d done good work, and Jake felt an unexpected flush of pride. Rosa was right, he’d taken a big risk -- but it had been the right thing.

He scrolled back up to the top of the story and read the byline.

‘Well,’ Jake thought, as he flipped off his phone and tucked it under his pillow, ‘it was nice working with you, Amy Santiago.’

CHAPTER 2

[oncearoundthegarrison-blog]

London to Lundy Part 1

5 months sounds like a long time, but when you’ve started a new job in a completely different industry, it flies by. New colleagues, new commute, new schedule, new maze-like museum building that took at least a month to get used to. Even new vocabulary. 

I felt like I was desperately treading water, slowly drowning in a sea of to-dos. It finally took the Christmas period, when the museum was closed, most colleagues and external contacts had taken holidays and my telephone and inbox fell quiet, that I had a moment to realise... I have 13 days of annual leave to use up before the end of the financial year.

My husband’s birthday is in March, so I thought we could go somewhere together to celebrate, as we had been doing the last few years. The thing is, my husband works in a small company, a team of 3, in fact. Unfortunately, the other 2 also have their birthdays in March, so, being the most junior, he felt he couldn’t take a week off, especially because they were planning a work trip around that time too.

“You should go on a yoga retreat by yourself.” he suggested. As if I wanted to pay hundreds of pounds to go and spend days stretching with strangers, some of whom were guaranteed to be a little too ‘woo-woo’ for my taste (no offence). 

I decided I wanted to do something that was ‘worthwhile’ with my time. After hours researching expensive (and scammy) conservation holidays, scrolling through WorkAways and WWOOFing opportunities, I somehow landed on the jackpot; a National Trust working holiday on Lundy, a three mile long, half mile wide island off the coast of North Devon.

Having hastily signed up and gained a place, I set to work on the dreaded getting-there logistics. The first thing was already ticked off the list. The only way of getting from the Devon coast onto Lundy Island at that time of the year is by Helicopter. With that booked, I looked into getting from London to Devon and back. 

The autumn before, I had bought my first car. It’s a fully electric Nissan Leaf. Using it largely for the weekly shop and commuting to work (15 minutes if the traffic is nice, 1 hour if it’s the usual), it’s the perfect car for pootling around the city and suburbs, where an electric charger is always close to hand. We’d done the odd 2 hour drives, but the route planning, and adding 30 mins per charge stop, the anxiety of ‘what if the charger we are heading towards is out of order’ was quite stressful, so a solo drive down to Devon seemed a foolhardy concept.

But, the more I tried to arrange the public transport, the more complicated things got. First off, the nearest train station is 25 miles away, and you need to get on a bus for an hour even to get close to the helipad. Not only that but you had to get there by 10am latest, so unless you wanted to leave London at crazy o’clock, you had to arrive the night before and find accommodation. On top of that, on the way back, you have no idea what time your helicopter flight is. “Sometime between 11 and 3pm, and it depends on the weather, you could be delayed to later in the afternoon or even the next day!” So booking a train for the way back was a gamble. Driving to Devon in my electric car started to look like a more attractive, at least simpler, concept.

I’m not what you call a confident driver, and some past long distance drives had been very stressful. It’s hard for me to forget that I could kill myself or anyone else by making a silly mistake. And I make plenty of those in my everyday life. What if I don’t plan well and I run out of charge on my car? The prospect of driving alone, for four hours, which would probably include at least 4 charges, was terrifying. Also, if I want to arrive at the heliport at 9:30am, then I would need to leave at 5:30am, but add on 4 x 30 minute charges is 3:30am, and maybe I should add an extra hour in case I take the wrong turning or there is traffic or a diversion... well that’s crazy o’clock. So I decided to break up the journey by stopping off at my uncle’s in Bristol.

The week before setting off, I made sure to check and double check the route on the Zap-Map app, which shows you the locations of all the EV chargers. I read reviews of each charger, making sure it was used recently and recorded as having a successful charge. I made sure I knew the locations of at least 2 other chargers near the one I actually planned to charge at, in case that one was occupied or faulty. 

I wrote out the addresses of each charger, in case I lost my phone. I packed a portable power bank for my phone, in case it ran out of battery. I found out what numbers I need to call if I break down or run out of charge, or have an accident (yeah OK I should’ve known those already). Some chargers require you to start the charge using your mobile phone... but what if you didn’t have enough reception? I drove my husband crazy with my fretting and stressing.��I made sure I had enough car snacks and a good playlist.

Then the day finally came. I left for Bristol around 9.00am. It was a bright sunny day and I left in high spirits, onto the M4. Forty minutes later, dirty black clouds appear and it starts to properly pour. The roads were not too busy but there was a ropey 15 minutes of very poor visibility, the spray from the other cars and lorries obscuring the road like a thick fog. My heart pumping, I was very glad to arrive at my first charge stop at a service station just after 10am.

There, I struck up a conversation with a fellow Nissan Leaf driver, and I asked him if he’d heard the rumour that you shouldn’t charge your car up to 100% on one of the rapid chargers (there are a few different charge speeds, you see). It’s something I was told by the customer services person when I rang up the helpline on a day a charger refused to stop charging (really reassuring). The man looked at me doubtingly and said that he hadn’t. When he left, I googled it and it really does seem to be the case that it damages your battery. I hope he looked it up later as well. I had a hot chocolate in the Starbucks, charged my phone and bought some gloves, as I forgot to pack mine. Feeling panicked about damaging the battery, I headed off at 82% charged.

Luckily, the closer I got to Bristol and my uncle’s flat, the lower the speed limit, the more traffic there was. I say lucky because driving in those circumstances uses up much less charge than going 70mph down the motorway. By 11:40 I have arrived at my final charge stop, a Bannatyne Health Club just round the corner from my final destination. I was even more happy to see that it was a simple plug in, tap your contactless card and charge jobby. You’d think that’s how all chargers are, but no. EV chargers are run by different providers, I have no less than 5 different apps on my phone plus a physical tap card, and there’s still some chargers where I have to spend ages registering on a website in order to start a charge. Mental.

I go into the health club and explain I’m not a member but would like to sit in the cafe while my car charges. I was a bit worried they would turn me away, but, just as my Zap-Map colleagues had reassured me, they asked me to sign in to a guest book and let me in. I order a tea and settle down for 20 minutes. In hindsight, during my journey to Devon and back, I think I spent almost the same amount of money on beverages and nibbles waiting for the car to charge as for the charge itself!

Anyway, all in all a smooth journey to Bristol, and I get to my uncle’s around 12:15, just in time for lunch. After a lovely afternoon taking in the sights of Bristol (managed to catch the excellent Wildlife Photography of The Year 2019 exhibition at M Shed, see below for the fun image of a shocked Himalayan marmot that won the Grand Title) and catching up with a friend over a quick drink in the evening, I go to bed early, ready for an early start in the morning.

[wexregolden]

Read it on AO3 here <3

Chapter 9/19

THE BOY WHO LOVED Chapter 9

-The Keeper Of The Keys Secrets-

-----

Nico Bookstagram

Sorry my bus was delayed. I´ll be there in about 5 minutes.  

Marti stood there, at their arranged meeting point and looked down at his phone, reading Nico´s message. The whole thing felt like a throwback to their first meeting. Well, kind of at least. He was nervous as he was the first time, yes, but this kind of nervous felt... different. More positive. Full of anticipation for their meet up. Knowing that it will most likely be wonderful again, knowing that he feels good with Nico together. Really good.  

His heart skipped a beat as he saw Nico´s head pop up around the corner, a wide smile appearing on his face. A smile Martino couldn´t help but had to mirror it. Wide and bright. Honest. He was happy. Happy to see Nico again.  

“Hey Marti!” Nico said as he finally approached him and pulled Marti into a tight hug immediately. His arms embracing his shoulders, his hands resting on Martino´s shoulder blades, caressing them a bit.  

Marti shouldn´t be wondering anymore about his reaction to Niccolò, his body´s reaction to him. But still, it feels as if his heart would stop beating being this close to Nico and his head and thoughts were spinning, didn´t stop thinking about the fact that the person he fell for is hugging him this close.

“Ciao Nico!” he finally greeted him back as they moved apart after what felt like an eternity, trying to calm down and bring his thoughts back in order. Which didn´t work as good as he hoped for as Nico, even after their hug, stood this close to him, their arms brushing each other's.  “How are you doing?” Nico asked, grinning at Marti, “you seem well rested,” his grin became even wider.  

Marti had to think back to yesterday night, texting with Nico again, as most of the nights since they met on Bookstagram. Chatting with Nico was fun, really, he loved it. But it had one downside: Him nearly getting any sleep at all. Last night, even if he didn´t want to at all, he told Nico that he really needs some sleep, at least once, as much as he loves texting with him. Which ended up with Nico teasing him about the whole beauty sleep thing again but still, Marti actually went to sleep before midnight. It´s a win.

“Wanna find a place to sit down?” Nico asked him, both of them still standing at the place they met.  

“Sounds good!” Marti answered and the both of them went strolling through Rome´s streets, searching for a nice place to sit down and relax a bit. The city was filled with people, couples, families, groups of friends, single people on their own, all of them living in their own world, talking to each other, being on the phone, listening to music, simply strolling through the streets. And him and Nico were right among them. Walking through the city streets. Nothing special about them, nobody paying attention to them. Just two friends in the middle of the big city called Rome.  

It took them about 15 minutes, 15 minutes filled with talking and laughter, till Nico stopped their walk, asking Marti if he wants to sit down at the Spanish Steps. They searched for some free space and sat down when they found some. They arranged themselves, made themselves comfortable. The chatter of all those people around them and the sound of the living drift of Rome on an afternoon surrounded them.  

“Tell me, how are you doing?” Nico asked, looking with his bright signature smile at Marti.

“Hm, I´m fine I guess.”

“You guess?”  

“Yes I do. But yes, fine. I´m doing fine,” Marti said, smiling back at Nico. “And you?”

“The last days weren´t the best but it´s better now.”

“Not the best? What happened?” Marti asked, immediately worrying a bit.  

“Nothing special, there were just a few things going on. But I´m doing better now,” Nico responded, smiling slightly.  

Marti smiled back, not asking further anymore.

“Added to this uni was stressing me out too with the new semester to start soon,” he continued, laughing a bit.  

“Damn Nico, we´ve talked about me and school all the time and I´ve never thought about asking you what you´re studying!” Marti tossed in, feeling bad for it. “What are you studying?”

“I´m studying music theory in the third semester now and I really like it. The people in my university courses are great and the professors too, they do really know what they´re talking about and the lectures with them are really fun. It´s the best study I could have chosen for myself.”

Marti had to smile whilst listening to Nico, him talking so happily and excited about university and his study. This makes himself happy too.  

“I don´t know if I´ve already told you that but I play the piano since 10 years now and since I had my first lesson I fell in love with it, the instrument, and music in general and I already knew back than that I want to do something with music later in my life. It helped me through so many rough and bad times in my life and I would love to help people too, you understand? Maybe something like music therapy, let´s see. By now I´m still stuck with music theory, but music therapy is definitely an option!”

No, Nico hadn´t told him that he plays the piano. But he still knows it. Thinking back to the video he found on YouTube, the video of Nico playing the piano. This masterpiece.  

“This does really sound great, Nico! I mean it! I´m happy you found something that makes you this happy and enthusiastic. And music therapy sounds nice!”

“Yeah, I´m really happy too. Even if it was kind of a ride, trying to convince my parents that music theory is the right thing for me and a good major, even if it´s not something “useful and properly to study for your future life”. But after a few discussions it worked out and they see how happy it makes me so we´re good now about it.”

“Well then. And the most important thing is still that you feel good with what you do and that it´s not only pleasing other people,” Marti said, smiling at Nico. Him smiling back, gratitude laying in his gaze.  

“And now enough about me. What about you? Tell me, anything interesting going on in your life? Anything important to tell?”

Marti looked down, a self-pitying smile formed on his lips. Thinking about all the things going on in his life. He has a wonderful relationship with his mother and loves her so much, a great group of friends that he likes so much and loves hanging out with, Gio is a wonderful best friend, his grades are good. Yes, he knows that he shouldn´t complain, that there are people out there who have it much worse than him. But still, there´s one thing missing: Being his true self. Not having to hide a part of himself. Playing a role for his friends, the people around him, wearing a mask to hide his true self. Marti always thought and got the feeling that it´s not that hard and bad to hide, hide his sexuality. Pretend to like girls, talk about them with his friends, about how beautiful they were. He was more afraid of the reaction of people close to him to his coming out, their reaction to knowing the whole Marti, the real Marti. But since he met Nico, he got the feeling that he can´t hold back anymore. Everything piling up inside of him, ready to explode. Martino has thought about this for days now, at night when he should have been asleep. He doesn´t want to hold back and hide anymore. He looked up again, at the Fontana della Barcaccia opposite to them and took a deep breath before he turned and looked at Nico. And then he threw his mask off.  

“I like guys,” Marti blurted out.

He looked directly in Nico´s eyes, them not giving away anything. No negative reaction so far but still, also no positive one. His anxiety coming up immediately, thinking about why he has done that, coming out so suddenly. But despite all those worries, something inside of him tells him to go on.  

“I... I... I´m gay.”

And suddenly it went silent, he felt like everything around him stopped moving, the sound of chatter around him getting quieter and quieter till they went completely silent. It feels like time stood still.  

And then Niccolò looked back at him and a soft smile arose on his lips.  

“That´s great, Marti!”

And with that the world started spinning around Marti again and all the sounds came back.  

“Well not great but... Oh gosh no, don´t get me wrong! It´s great! It´s just normal, love is love you know?”

Marti had to laugh at Nico´s words. An honest, loud laugh.  

And suddenly he realised what he just did. That he just came out to the first person ever, for the first time ever. And it felt... good. Relieving.  

“Yes, I think I get what you mean.”

“I´m proud of you, Marti, really proud. For telling me. You´re wonderful, Marti!” Nico said, a wide smile on his face.  

Marti had to blush at his words, looking down at his lap again.  

“Hey,” Nico said, touching Marti´s arm slightly, “what do you think about getting some ice cream?”

“Ice cream? Now?” Marti asked as an answer, looking astonished at Nico.  

“Yes! Ice cream. Now. Why do you sound so bewildered? As if I just proposed to take a spontaneous backpacking trip through Norway or something like that!”

“It´s October, why do you want some ice cream now?”

“So boring, Marti! There´s never a bad time for some ice cream. Who cares about the month? Ice cream is great! And even if, it´s a nice and warm day so nothing better than that on a day like this!”  

“Well... If you insist on it,” Marti said, trying to sound annoyed. Even if he thinks that an ice cream wouldn´t be a bad idea by now. After the events of today.

“I do!” Nico exclaimed, already grabbing Marti by his arm, pulling him to his feet and dragging him to the next gelateria close to them.

------

“Honestly? Seems like not only your last name is weird. Like, who picks these ice cream flavours?” Marti asked as him and Niccolò sat down on a parc bench next to the gelateria they just bought some ice cream at.  

“Well, better weird than boring, Marti,” Nico said, looking at Martino challenging.  

Marti looked down at the cornet in his hand, filled with chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Yeah, definitely better this way than any of the exotic flavours Nico chose.  

“No really, who one this world picks pineapple-coconut-mint and basil ice cream? You´re weird, Niccolò Fares. Really weird.”

“Stop it Marti, you´re offending me and my excellent taste in ice cream. You´re cruel!”

“Here you have it, I´m a true Slytherin!”

“My, my! Now it´s you who just came back to the Harry Potter topic,” Nico said, grinning at him.  

“I just had to prove a point,” Marti mumbled before he continued eating his ice cream.  

“I see, I see,” Nico continued, his grin still on his lips, not having faded even a little bit. “Anyway, whom do you like? Who´s your type?” he continued.  

“Huh? My what?” Marti asked, looking confused at Nico.  

“Oh, come on Marti! Your type in boys. Now that you´re out and proud around me you can talk to me about it. Only if you want to and feel comfortable with it of course.”

You. Marti was tempted to say this, tell Nico that he likes him more than just as a friend. Tell him that he´s the most beautiful boy he has ever seen. But one confession is enough for one day, he doesn´t want to overdo it.  

“What about him?” Nico suddenly asked, bringing Marti back to reality.  

He was pointing to a guy in front of them, walking his dog. Blonde hair, broad shoulders, very ripped.

“Too musculus.”

“I see, I see. Hmm...,” Nico continued, looking around the parc they were sitting in. “And what about him?” Nico pointed to another guy, or let´s say boy, as he seemed so young.  

“Really Nico? He´s at least 4 years younger than me, still a kid!”

“As if, Marti! He´s never 13, at least your age!”

“My age?! You wanna tell me that this boy is 17? Never!”

“Okay, okay, I get it. And what about the guy laying in the grass opposite of us?”

Marti looked to where Niccolò was pointing at and saw a guy relaxing in the sun, laying on his back. The thing about him that immediately catches his attention was his hair. Dark black, curly. It suspiciously reminded him of Nico.  

“He´s okay I guess.”

But he has nothing on you, he continued the sentence but only in his thoughts.  

“Come on, Marti, he looks good, doesn´t he? You just seem to be too picky,” Nico said, grinning.  

“Too picky? I´m not picky. I´m just not throwing myself at everyone immediately,” Martino told, trying to sound offended.  

Well, the reason for that might be the fact that he´s actually still in the closet. At least around everyone but Nico. So not possible to just start openly fancying a guy or flirting with him.  

“And even if, it´s okay, Marti! To have high standards I mean. You deserve someone amazing who really, really loves you.”

And then it went silent between the two again, both of them starring each other in the eyes, not saying anything. A little smile appeared in Marti´s lips, a smile that Nico mirrored, just wider and brighter. The typical Nico-smile he loves so much. Marti could feel his heart beating unnaturally fast, doesn´t know what´s going on between him and Nico right now.

Suddenly he felt something cold and sticky running down the back of his hand. As he looked down he saw that it was his ice cream which melted, running down his hand now. He totally forgot about it. He doesn´t know how he managed this but in the process of cleaning himself he managed to get even closer to Nico and as he looked up at him, he saw that there was a stain on his white T-shirt. A brown stain, that could only come from his chocolate ice cream.  

Fuck!

“Fuck, Nico, I´m sorry!” Marti said in panic, pulling a tissue out of his bag and tried to get the stain off Niccolò´s shirt. In the process of trying so he only made it worse, spreading the stain even more.  

“Shit, I´m so sorry!” he said again, thinking about another solution what to do now.

“Marti!” Nico said, “Hey, Marti!” Nico grabbed Marti´s hands and stopped him from panicking. “It´s okay! There are things that are much worse!”

“What should I do now?” Marti asked, still close to panicking.  

“What about moving the meeting to me? I can wash out the stain and change? And stay at my apartment then?” Nico asked.  

“Yeah, sounds great. And sorry again.”

“Don´t worry, Marti, really! It´s okay!”

Marti exhaled deeply, nodding a little.  

Nico stood up and put his hand out to Marti.  

“Come on, let´s go!”

Marti grabbed the hand Nico offered and Nico pulled him to his feet and dragged Marti behind him.  

“Let´s go to the Casa Fares!”

-----

New chapter aaand here it is, the next meet up, hehe :D And a round of applause for Marti for being that brave and coming out, this can be hard <3 I really hope that you liked the chapter and had fun reading it. I would love to hear what you think of it in the comments or my ask box <3

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Twenty Six

It’s official: I hate my nasal passages. 

It’s like there are furry kittens growing inside of them, that’s how sensitive they are today. Not that I’m allergic to cats or any other furry mammals; at least, I still hope that’s the case. I have heard that some adults develop latent allergies later in life that they didn’t have as children. Wouldn’t that just be my luck if that happened? 

While I sneezed my brains out nearly all day, I carved out time to do a few creative and productive things. First, I made scones for breakfast; I haven’t baked scones in nearly two years. This is the first time I made them while living abroad by myself. Granted, I left them a little too long in the oven, so they came out firmer than usual. But for a first attempt in a miniature oven, they weren’t half bad, especially when I spread butter and strawberry jam liberally all over it. My colleague, N, expressed a love for scones the other day at work and I thought of her while baking this morning. 

So when I decided to do my grading for my students’ journals at a cafe instead of at home, I asked N if she wanted me to drop off some scones for her near her home since it was en route to where I wanted to go. I left my apartment 15 minutes later that what I initially told N, but the traffic was kind to me and I got to the meeting point early enough. N had a harder time getting to me after doing her grocery shopping. There’s all kinds of roadworks and construction happening in my city these days to build more subway lines and the neighbourhood close to where N lives is completely discombobulated, including all the bus stops that have shifted over slightly to make way for the construction walls. 

Anyway, N finally met me and I gave her the scones, which she was happy to receive. It seems like she’s really stressed about work since she and C are part of the recruitment process that hires new foreign teachers at my school. There have been some issues with visa paperwork and flight bookings for a new hire that has many of my colleagues completely stressed out. Thank God I don’t help out with visa paperwork at my job; I’d be two blinks away from being carted away in a straitjacket if I were. 

N had to rush off to her Chinese class and I made my way to a cafe she and C frequented the week before. The cafe has cosy decor inside and a terriffic balcony section above where you can sit outside. Sadly, the balcony was closed today; the cafe probably only opens it up in the evenings when they serve dinner. So I sat inside and did my grading, which was still nice and cosy. 

The grading itself was more stressful than I initially planned. Maybe I just over-thought it and did more than I needed to. But it took me close to 4 hours to check and correct 38 journals as well as give each student feedback and a rating based on their writing. I know that H meant well when she planned for us to do weekly journals with our students. But the plan was meant to be executed at the start of the school year and it’s already the second semester. Plus, she made C design all the journals in different formats and colours for each grade instead of just ordering ready-made journals from a publication house. Now H wants us to critique each student’s writing every single week and only give them positive feedback so they stay motivated to keep writing in class. If I have to climb up more people’s asses and kiss them from the inside, including those of my students, I might never see the sun again. 

Nevertheless, I forged on and managed to finish all my grading, even though I was hungry and the cafe suddenly didn’t serve food. But they had a menu which not only had drinks displayed on it, but food as well. So naturally I was confused that there didn’t appear to be any food. I wrapped things up and tried to call my Dad to wish him happy birthday. After all the delays with my money transfers, I was happy that I managed to send my siblings some cash to help pay for my dad’s gifts and the family brunch. But the signal was really crappy on my phone since I was outside and waiting for the bus to take me home. I managed to get back to my neighbourhood after 18:00 and made a stop at the grocery store to buy tomatoes, mushrooms and garlic. N gave me some French bread earlier, so I made some bruschetta for dinner. Not the healthiest meal to have, especially right before going to the gym, but it kept the hunger pangs at bay since I inadvertently skipped lunch. 

My parents and siblings ended up going on a drive around the beach, which gave me enough time to have a good session at the gym almost unimpeded, shower and then head home. I even had time to go to work beforehand to pick up the new headband I ordered for the gym that I used for my workout. Unlike last week’s ultra-crap fat-loss regimen, I practically aced it the second time around tonight, which kept me in good spirits. 

I got home after 21:00 and called my Dad again. With most phone conversations, I don’t always know what to say to him. I don’t know why, I just run out of safe topics quicker with my dad than with my mom. My mom and I aren’t as close, but we find ways to talk about very superficial things like who’s a new and upcoming contestant on ‘Idols’ or what new wave of crime hit my old neighbourhood this time around. I’m closer with my Dad, but it’s hard to grab time with him to have a good heart to heart. Still, I was in an excellent mood and the conversation flowed well, especially when we talked about dishes we’d been cooking in the kitchen lately. It makes me realise how much I miss my Dad these days. 

It was great catching up with my mom and my siblings too; I feel bad that P and G have been treated to my depressing and morbid side too much lately. So it felt good to ask how they’re doing and make lots of silly jokes to keep the mood light.  Even though I wished I could’ve been home with my family celebrating my dad’s birthday today, I’m happy they’re still able to have fun without me too. Sometimes I feel guilty about being so far away from home, but I know my family loves and supports me no matter. I’m really lucky and it’s time that I start acknowledging and embracing it more often. 

Throughout my busy day, I still thought of X on occasion. When I walked to the grocery store earlier, this called ‘Loving Strangers’ by Russian Red started playing in my iTunes library. That brought up a flood of memories all related to X. I actually liked that song long before X and I even became friends, but I put her onto it and it eventually became one of our songs that epitomised our relationship. The song is from a soundtrack for this lesbian romance movie called ‘Room In Rome’. It’s about these two women who meet at a bar in - you guessed it - Rome, and end up spending the night together in a beautiful Roman hotel room. It wasn’t the best acting in the world, but the chemistry between the two actresses was on sizzling and the movie had a scintillating soundtrack too. 

Anyway, X and I both loved the song and the movie and watched it together a few times over 3 years. When I visited her the first time in the Philippines, we stayed a lovely 5-star hotel for our last night together. Unintentionally, we acted out a few romantic scenes from the movie. Like dressing up in fluffy bathrobes after taking a swim in the hotel and staring out the window together at the city skyline. Of course, we improvised with other things, like slow-dancing in our bathrobes to Coldplay’s ‘Sparks’ and ‘Loving Strangers’ in the middle of our hotel room. 

That night was so bittersweet for me because my flight back home was at 4am (I still don’t know why I booked that absurd flight time), so X and I only had a few hours together in that hotel room before I left her. I felt like Cinderella on the night of the ball with the Prince. For those first few hours, everything felt magical and wonderful. But as soon as the clock struck twelve, reality kicked in again and it was time to go back home in my pumpkin carriage. 

Being with X always felt like a beautiful dream that I was eventually going to wake up from. Now I’m finally awake and it’s still disorienting knowing that we won’t have more beautiful memories together or new shared experiences to make life a little sweeter than it was before. But I’m trying my best to move on and only focus on the crappier aspects of X’s personality to make me miss her less. What I need is to just land myself a hottie Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma with low self-esteem on the next go-around with a relationship and hope to God they never get clued in on the fact that they could do better than me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a catch in a lot of respects, but I am also a hot mess. I’m a slow learner, but I’m getting better and wiser with time. 

Shit, it’s past midnight and I’m starving. I’m trying hard not to snack late at night, but I haven’t been eating well lately because of stress and my depression kicking my proverbial butt. Does this even still count as a diary entry for 7th September? 

Since I’m making up the rules for my own happiness now, I say it still counts. And from here on out, I’m gonna do whatever the hell I please. 

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[lovestruck-artist]

"Hyper Awareness and Overstimulation" - A self insert X P.eter B P.arker fic. Set 15 years before the events of sp.iderverse.

Summary: The spider that bit Peter when he was a teenager lived to bite another day, choosing my self insert as it's next target. She assumes that she's ok, since no serious symptoms arise, and certainly doesn't think that's what caused her hyper awareness of everything around her - the "sixth sense" that's causing her anxiety attacks. Peter witnesses his new neighbor in a panic and approaches her, discovering something very surprising in the process.

Word count: 1,772

Trigger warning: detailed depictions of anxiety/panic attack

Author's note: This is my first time writing Peter and I'm very nervous, so bear with me! I tried very hard to keep him in character. The self insert has my first name, but a different last name; i may change the first name later, but I guess that’s not important

~🕷~

Kaitlin Murphy has experienced her share of anxiety attacks, and even a few panic attacks, but nothing has compared in severity or frequency to what has been plaguing her for the past week. Every little movement, every minute sound, even the anticipation of such things nagged at her mind and screamed for her full attention. It was like all her progress on controlling her thoughts and emotions was at risk of becoming undone.

Why was this happening all of a sudden? She kept a healthy diet, practiced mindfulness and self awareness, and had a...semi active lifestyle. Kaitlin was in good health, and there was no reason for her anxiety was acting up; perhaps there was suppressed school stress that was surfacing... Then there was that spider. That scary, colorful, potentially dangerous creature that bit her last week. Could a spider bite cause symptoms like this like heightened anxiety and...now sticky sweat?? Why is her paper sticking to her?! Kaitlin needed to find answers, but first she had to get home, and that trip was going to be harder than it sounded.

Kaitlin's shaking hands fiddled with each other against her chest, her breathing shallow and irregular. Deep blue eyes darted about, catching every turning head, every folding leg, every pair of hands flipping through a phone. Is that person looking at me? Why are they getting up? Who's talking now? Is the bus stopping? Is it stopping again?? No, don't touch that, you'll stick! There must have been a thousand thoughts fighting for her unwavering attention. She had to shut her eyes just to stay sane on the bus home. Even if she did have a car of her own, she couldn't trust herself to drive in this state. This was going to be a long ride...

Meanwhile, Peter B. P.arker, Kaitlin’s neighbor from down the hall, was on his way from dropping off his latest batch of photographs to the Daily Bugle. Duds, they were called; worthless, amateur, and even out of focus. Nevertheless, they were accepted, for less money than anticipated; but, Peter was grateful for at least that much, especially with rent due by the end of the week. The man had been living hand to mouth ever since he moved into this apartment, and needless to say, it wasn’t how he pictured his life to turn out. Perhaps if he changed his priorities, he could build a real career and drag himself out of this hole...but no, it just couldn’t be done. He could never shirk his responsibility to protect New York (and sometimes more than that) for his own personal gain. Putting Sp.ider-Man on the back burner was a thought he would only entertain, and never act on.

Finally, he arrived at his current place of residence, a small apartment complex, suitable for one getting on their feet for the first time. Peter hopped off his moped and lingered for a while, staring up at the complex that he called home. With a weary sigh, he properly parked his bike and proceeded towards the front steps. He wonders, on the way, if he should have made a quick stop at the grocery store first, or if he can make due till tomorrow. He slows to a halt at the front door, realizing that it would probably be best to get shopping out of the way, now that he’s out. The paycheck for his photos should be substantial enough, at least to spare a few dollars to fill his depressingly empty fridge. It was settled; one quick trip to the store, then he can relax the rest of the day...until the sirens blare down the street again, anyway.

Peter turned back around and made it down the stairs until something got his attention. Normally, pedestrians spilling onto the bus stop wasn’t worth watching, but something was different this time - something that aggravated his spider-sense. In the midst of four other people, his new neighbor all but tumbled onto the sidewalk, disheveled and shaking like a tiny nervous chihuahua. Peter’s talked to her before - Katie, was it? - and from what he’s seen, she’s never been that jittery. Then again, she only moved in a month ago, so what did he know...

As little as he knew about her, something still seemed off, and that nagging in the back of his head still didn’t go away. He kept his eyes on her a few moments more as she approached the building, coming closer to him. Should he speak up, or would that make her more tense? 

“Uhh--” he started, before Kaitlin jumped at the sudden sound of another voice. She froze in her place. Wide eyes stared into his; he could see the beginnings of tears trying to form in the corners of them. ‘Great, you scared her,’ he thought. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s me, Peter,” he explained in his attempt to prevent a full on panic, “Are you alright?” 

All thousand of Kaitlin’s thoughts now honed in on Peter’s presence. ‘Oh no, he sees you.’ ‘Look, he’s staring at you.’ ‘Don’t stare at him.’ ‘He’s getting the wrong impression of you!’ ‘Answer, say something! Don’t shut down, don’t shut down.’ ‘Don’t cry either! You’re about to cry!’ ‘He wants an answer.’

Then suddenly, a thought crossed both their minds at the same time, a thought that more crystal clear than the rest, a thought that gave Kaitlin a little comfort and Peter the explanation he was looking for. Before Peter could think twice about it, he quietly blurted out his revelation, “You’re like me...?”

That couldn’t be true. There was only one person that spider bit, and that was him - what were the odds that the exact same thing happened to someone else? Yet, his spider sense never lied. One way or another, Kaitlin must have acquired the same powers he possessed.

Kaitlin, however, wasn’t catching on. She got the exact same message about Peter, but came to a different conclusion. Finally, she spoke up with a weak and shaking voice, “You feel like this? ...You have anxiety, too?”

That wasn’t the response Peter was expecting (though, he wasn’t sure what to expect); it evoked mixed feelings of relief and pity. Because of Kaitlin’s wrong conclusion, Peter’s secret was safe, at least for now; still, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for his neighbor. When he first got his powers, it was a confusing and slightly terrifying experience, but anxiety attacks were never this prevalent with him. Maybe the spider’s venom affected each person’s DNA differently. Hopefully, it won’t be too much for her to handle.

“...Yeah, sorta,” he answered, somewhat awkwardly. A moment of silence passed, as Peter contemplated whether or not he should, or even could, help Kaitlin through this. It didn't feel right to just leave her like this, alone, scared, and grasping for a sense of control.

Before another word was said, Kaitlin interrupted Peter's thought process. "I'm-- I'm sorry, I should go-- I mean--" she stammered, turning to head inside.

With that, Peter's mind was made up, and he took a step forward to follow and then stop her. "Wait, wait-- Maybe I can help," he offered, once he caught up with her.

"N-no, you don't-- you don't have to." Despite the protest, Kaitlin stopped, giving Peter a chance to speak.

He paused another beat, gathering his words, then attempted to explain, “...Okay, you got a bunch of powerful thoughts in your head, right? And you don’t know where to put your focus.” He sees the tears threaten to return as Kaitlin gave a small nod in response. “Alright, well...try to remember your priorities first. What are you supposed to be doing right now?”

“I don’t know... Going home?”

“Okay, and after that? Gonna turn on the tv, get a snack?”

“I don’t... I-- I don’t know if this is helping..”

“Trust me, it does. Try to organize the thoughts in order of immediate importance, then you can forget about what’s trying to distract you. What else... Oh yeah, breathing. Keep taking in long, deep breaths, okay? Can you do that?” Peter stayed with Kaitlin and watched her attempt to steady her breathing and stay focused; it delayed his plans to go out again, but this was important to him.

“There’s too much out here...” Kaitlin mumbled, “Too much happening.”

“You wanna go inside, that’s fine, you can do that. Just remember what I told you. Keep your breathing steady, and be mindful of which thoughts are worth thinking about.” 

Peter waited for Kaitlin to nod again and lingered a little longer to see her make her way to the front door. Her arms were still closed up and her hands kept hold of one other; the advice was helping her some, but it was unclear whether or not she wouldn’t spiral again, what stimuli she would meet on the way to her apartment - or even if his advice really was sound. A pang of conscience played on Peter’s heart, and it tempted him to go after her, but Kaitlin had already went through the door while he was making up his mind. Covertly, he wandered to the door and watched her through the glass, that being his last, non-intrusive way of  making sure she was okay, before she disappeared in the elevator.

It looked like Peter had succeeded in helping her out, at least for now, all while keeping his secret safe. However, one could only wonder where things would go from here. Kaitlin’s life was about to be changed forever, depending on how she decides to use her powers; she hadn’t even seemed to realize exactly what was going on with her yet - she passed it off as anxiety. Should he risk revealing everything to her so he can help her even more? Or would it be better to let her figure things out on her own like he did? Kaitlin seemed smart enough, from what he’s seen of her, and it really wasn’t any of his business what she does with her new abilities. Still...he had the power to make this easier on her, thus the responsibility to do the right thing in his position. Yet another obligation was facing him, but it didn’t seem too difficult of a task. 

Peter wasn’t about to make a decision on it just yet, since there was already so much in his life he had to juggle. For now, all he could do was come to terms with knowing that he was no longer alone anymore. Little did he know that Kaitlin felt the same way, too.

[maddie-nanjingsemester]

欢迎光临南京！Welcome to Nanjing!

你们好！Wow. Okay. How do I even start this blog post off? There’s so much that has happened within this past week since I’ve arrived that I almost don’t even know where to start – although I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning. So I’m assuming that if you’re reading this blog, you’re aware that I’m studying abroad in Nanjing, China for this whole semester. If so, great! If not, where have you been?? (Just kidding.) This first post is also probably going to be quite long because there’s a lot to talk about, but stay with me! Also, apologies for not posting this sooner – when our program advisors told us this semester was going to be busy, they weren’t lying!

What a whirlwind this first week was. (Oh and yes, technically I have been here for close to two weeks now, but I’m only going to be talking my impressions of Nanjing from the first week in this blog post, so we’ll stick with that.) I left Chicago on February 13 (Wednesday) around midnight, taking a direct flight to Incheon Airport in South Korea. I flew on Asiana Airlines, which, FYI, has great food. They served bibimbap for dinner and the meals came with little instructions on how to prepare it. 真可爱！So cute! Also super tasty.

After a 14-hour flight, during which I basically alternated sleeping and watching Netflix, we landed around 5am on Friday (Feb 15), so I pretty much lost all of Thursday (Valentine’s Day lol). Such a weird feeling to jump so far ahead in time without even really feeling like I lost any time at all. Then I had about an 8-hour layover in the airport, which normally would have been enough time to get out of the airport and see a bit of Seoul, but since we landed so early, hardly anything was even open inside the airport, let alone outside. On top of that, it was snowing and still dark out, so I elected to stay in and wander around for a while. I was also joined by my airplane seatmate, who was on her way to Thailand but wasn’t leaving until the evening. It was so nice having someone to chat with and explore the airport with.

Finally, following a slight delay, my plane to Nanjing took off a little after 1pm. By this point I was so ready to be done with plane rides that I had a bit of a hard time relaxing, but since we still had a 2.5-hour flight ahead of us, I tried to settle in and read my book nonetheless (The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling, if you’re interested). There was another girl from the program on my flight, and we found each other by the baggage claim after going through security/customs. Speaking of security, I didn’t know that you had to get fingerprinted when you went through customs in China! So I guess the government has my prints on file now. The guard was also definitely suspicious of me and kept looking at my passport photo to confirm that it was actually me (I don’t know, I guess my hair looks different now or something?), and even asked for my admission papers from Nanjing University (which, fortunately, I had with me).

After all this, thankfully there were Chinese students from the program waiting at the airport to meet us and help us get to the dorm. We got in a taxi and then had about an hour-long ride to our dorm, during which I had the chance to just sit and absorb the fact that I was actually in China for the very first time! After so much planning and worrying and traveling, I was finally here. Exhausted and ready to sleep, but here. However, because it was only around 5 or 6pm when we arrived, I didn’t want to go to bed right away because I wanted my body to start adjusting to the time difference right away. Another girl from the program who had already been here for a week offered to go walk around the neighborhood with me so I could stretch my legs some and get a first glimpse of the city. It was chilly and drizzling (it’s been raining quite a bit here), but I didn’t mind because I was just so excited to be in Nanjing! It was cool to get to see some of the nightlife on the very first night and get a feel for the neighborhood. It’s definitely a very walkable city.

The organization that I’m studying abroad with is called CIEE, partnered with Nanjing University (one of China’s top universities), and our program is called Intensive Language and Culture in Nanjing. Because it’s really focused on increase our language ability, we signed a language contract on the first day of classes saying that we would aim to speak only Chinese from Sunday-Friday 8am-8pm. In our Chinese classes, we’re basically covering two semesters-worth of material in just one semester. If you choose to live in the dorms, you also get to room with a Chinese student, which I was definitely nervous about, but so far it’s been wonderful! My roommate’s name is 源苑 (Yuányuàn) and she’s a fourth-year majoring in teaching Chinese to speakers of other languages, with plans to go on to graduate school.

The dorm we’re staying in is Nanjing University’s international students' dorm, so it’s been really cool to see all of the other foreign students here and hear a number of different languages being spoken in the elevators and hallways. The CIEE offices and classrooms are also in this building, so going to class in the mornings is incredibly convenient. (I’ve definitely almost been late to class a few times because I don’t have to leave the building, so I’ve cut it pretty close with leaving my room, taking the elevator, and getting to class with about a minute to spare.) I had originally been thinking about doing a homestay, which is the other housing option offered with this program, but ultimately I decided that I wanted to have a bit more freedom in making spontaneous plans and to be able to live more like a real Nanjing University student (体验学生的生活 – learn through the experience of living like a student). Most of the homestays are also about 30-40 minutes away by train or bus, and I was definitely worried about being late for class in the mornings. The trains and buses don’t run 24/7 either so I wouldn’t be able to stay out late with friends if I wanted to be able to get home without paying a lot of money for a taxi. Homecooked meals and getting to experience Chinese family life would be nice, but I do love the convenience of our dorm and its proximity to lots of great restaurants, as well as getting to hang out with my friends from the program whenever I want. Our dorm rooms are definitely pretty bare, but we do have our own private bathrooms! We’re also on the 10th floor, so the view ain’t half bad.

On Saturday at 9am, the day after we arrived, we started orientation, where we got to learn about Nanjing, Nanjing University, and our program. We also had the chance to go downtown, to get our metro cards and new SIM cards, and to get to know each other a little better. There are 14 of us American students in the program, mostly all from different colleges and different states. Then on Sunday, our roommates moved in! I didn’t know who my roommate was going to be until she moved in, so like I said before, I was definitely nervous, but also like I said before, 源苑 is so great. She’s very easygoing and funny, and even though we’re both busy students, we still get meals together a lot and love to chat about random things! We’ve already had some great conversations about the differences between Chinese and American schooling, culture, etc.

Here are some of my favorite things about being here so far:

The convenience store that’s literally right around the corner from our dorm

It’s the perfect place for school supplies, snacks, and basic school supplies or bathroom items, and I probably go there about once a day to pick up a snack or a notebook or something.

Learning more conversational/colloquial words and phrases

In school, we always learned the formal ways of saying things, and while these are all technically correct, they’re not how most people talk in normal conversation!

For example, I grew up learning that 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) was the best way to say “I’m sorry.” While 对不起 is correct, my roommate told me that this is actually a very formal way of saying sorry, so most Chinese say 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi), which is more casual. (The appropriate response, then, is 没事 – meí shì, “it’s nothing.”)

How helpful the Chinese professors and roommates are

I’m going to talk more about classes in another post, but my professors are fantastic and I’ve already learned so much. 源苑 is also so good at explaining things to me, from words or phrases that I don’t understand to items on a menu. Everyone in this program is just so willing to help us out with our Chinese!

The food, obviously!!

I’ve had a number of people ask me about all the dishes I’ve eaten, and honestly I can’t even tell you the names of everything I’ve eaten so far, but I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed every bit of it. I’ve never been a picky eater and I’ve always been somewhat adventurous when it comes to food, so I’ve pretty much been trying everything people give me.

How many trees there are everywhere!

I honestly did not expect a big Chinese city like Nanjing to be so full of trees and plants and other greenery! I’m definitely excited for it to start getting warmer out so that plants will be able to start blooming again because right now most are pretty bare. But it’s so cool to see trees basically everywhere you look, even lining the main streets.

Here are some of my not-so-favorite things:

Waiting forever for my VPN to connect so I can use the internet

I use Express VPN pretty much all the time now and overall it’s great! So far I’ve mostly been connecting to US locations (although Hong Kong works great for Netflix) and it’s nice to be able to use social media to keep up-to-date with things happening back home. But at certain times during the day, especially in the evening, I have a hard time getting a quick connection, and then websites take a long time to load. I also sometimes have a problem where my VPN is working fine on my computer but not at all on my phone, or vice versa. And then sometimes the servers just won’t connect at all.

Not having a kitchen!!

I love making my own food, and last semester I went down to a very small meal plan so I could make a lot of my own food. Senior year I’m also planning on going off meal plan completely. Here though, I either have to go out for every meal or make instant food in the microwave/with hot water. This can be hard when it’s cold out, or when I’m busy with homework, or when I don’t feel like spending another 30-40元 on a meal. Fortunately, the cafeteria is now open (even though it’s about a 20-minute walk away), and supposedly it’s pretty cheap, so that’ll definitely help.

Having to wait nearly an hour for water to heat up enough to take a shower

In our dorm, we don’t have instantaneous hot water like we do back in the US, so if we want to take a hot shower, we have to turn on the water heater at least an hour before we want to shower in order for it to heat up sufficiently. I don’t like showering at night because going to sleep when my hair is still damp does not do good things for my hair (I showered in the evening last week and then woke up in the morning with all of my hair standing up). If I want to shower before class, I have to wake up at 6 to turn the water on so then I can shower a little after 7. And for someone who takes 5-minute showers, 这是很不方便 (this is not very convenient)!

Not being able to use an American credit card at most stores and restaurants

This one has been quite surprising. I got a travel credit card before I came here for the perk of not having transaction fees, and I assumed that I’d probably be able to use it at most stores and restaurants. However, every place that I’ve been to so far (from Walmart to the convenience store) has only taken Chinese cards. I’m going to delve into this issue in a later post, but it’s for sure not the most convenient to use cash everywhere I go.

However, while these things are inconvenient, I’ve always been one to go with the flow, so I’m making adjustments in my expectations/normal ways of living in accordance with these (mostly) minor hassles. This whole trip is supposed to be a learning experience after all!

In my next post, I’ll go into more detail about my weekly schedule and what my classes are like, and I’ll talk more about what it’s like to have to speak Chinese nearly all the time, so stay tuned!

xoxo 梅迪~

[canaryatlaw]

alright, well today has certainly been interesting. my alarm went off bright and early at 7:30, and though I was tired of course the adrenaline for today’s events kicked in pretty quickly and I was off getting ready. I did my makeup to make sure it was impeccable (and it did turn out really nice) and got my freshly dry cleaned suit on with all its buttons and such. Spent about ten minutes eating breakfast before getting an uber to the juvenile courthouse. I was still feeling kind of tired so I decided it would be a good time to use a piece of my caffeine gum, which starts as like a hard tablet thing then turns into gum as you chew it (kinda like a gumball). So I’m chewing it and I’m like wtf there’s like something hard in the gum??? so I pulled it out and oh, that’s definitely a piece of tooth. great. I have about a billion fillings so I figured it had to be one of those, so the first place i checked was the last one that had gotten done that wasn’t all that stable but it was fine, and it ended up being the last tooth on the top left side of my mouth. Well, not much I can do about it at the moment. I got dropped off at the courthouse around 9:15 and just decided to wait around for a few minutes since it wasn’t terribly cold out rather than find another place to stake out for a bit. so I called my dentist’s office and told them what happened, and they said I could come in today at 11:30 or 2:30, I wasn’t sure I’d make it back from the interview for the 11:30 so we decided on the 2:30. I waited a couple more minutes before going inside and going through security, I swear it was the same sheriff that manned that security check point my first summer there that was so much better than the other ones, but after that first summer I moved and my public transit was closer to the other entrance. but they let me through easily, even though I definitely did set off the metal detector 😂story of my life. so I went up to the 4th floor where their office is and ran to the bathroom by the elevators right outside their actual office to make sure everything was good and kill a few more minutes so I wasn’t too obscenely early. Once I figured it would be a decent time to go in I headed in, the email instruction had said to you know let the receptionist know your name and that you’re here for an interview, except I knew the receptionist, so I didn’t have to do any of that lol. They gave me a standard employment application to fill out (which I’ve filled out for them before) which stated you didn’t have to rewrite any info that was on your resume, you could just write see resume, so that’s a lot less annoying, and to email a reference list in afterwards. So I finished that and gave it back, then a few minutes later the woman I’ve been communicating via email with, who I also know, came and got me to take me back to the conference room, which is in the back of the office, so while we were walking there she was like oh I love your suit that’s so cool, is it custom?? so that was cool to hear, I said it was and that a former employer had decided to get it for all of us and she was like awesome, my husband has a custom suit he loves lol. Once we reached the conference room she walked me in and, unsurprisingly, I knew the two people on the other side of the table that would be interviewing me (so just to keep track, I’ve officially known every person I’ve encountered in the office). One of them was actually in my first interview for being a law clerk way back in 2016 and then she ran the training so I knew her quite well, the other guy I didn’t know that well but I was familiar with him and he said he remembered me so that was a good sign. So they asked me about what my experience working with the office had been so I talked about the unfounded reports and the child death case and the permanency hearings and the interviews ranging between a 4 year old who’s been in her foster home for 3 days and is already calling her foster mother “mom” and wants to stay with her forever, to a 16 year old boy involuntarily in a psych ward which he would be stuck in way past the point of medical necessity (like, two months past when he was cleared after 6 days there) to the point where we had to get a court order for DCFS to place him somewhere else- so really running the gamut of different experiences here. So I talked about some of my other legal experiences like working for my dad (which is always a good one to use because I can bs it pretty freely to fit whatever I need it to be) and at the DV clinic and how I handled dealing with judges and clients and all that good stuff. They asked some question about the majority of the population they serve being African American and why I thought that was, so I said that of course the fact that 95% of parents qualify for a public defender means that the vast majority of them are living in poverty (and sadly a lot of people living in poverty in Chicago are African American), and while poverty itself is not child neglect it makes it a lot more difficult when you have to choose between going to work to feed your family and leaving your 8 and 10 year olds home alone which is child neglect, or not being able to afford a bed for your child, which is child neglect. And of course that while child abuse takes place across all socioeconomic levels, those in poverty are often in positions where their actions could be reported to DCFS a lot easier whereas someone with some social standing would probably be given the benefit of the doubt by not reporting when they see what could be evidence of abuse/neglect. There were a few other questions about using common sense and if I could give an example of how I thought that played into the job, so I talked about how when I was reviewing unfounded reports there was one against a daycare owner that had originally been indicated but was unfounded on appeal because the supposed act of abuse had been fairly minor, but the fact that the owner would treat a small child like that to begin with coupled with the fact that she lied to the parents and lied to the investigators and completely refused to cooperate were all big flags for me that this is not someone who should be entrusted with young children when they are capable of such actions, and how I took steps to ensure something was done about the situation. They wanted to know more about the child death motion so I talked about that and how I had researched it and the ultimate conclusion the judge reached that while he did not grant the motion, we were successful in convincing him he had the power to do what we were requesting, it was just the facts that he found unconvincing which of course we don’t have any control over, so I was still pleased with the outcome. And yeah, lots of questions about handling a high case load and all that good stuff, they had said since they lost a lot of staff they were down to like 3-4 attorneys per courtroom when it used to be more like 5-6 so caseloads had been rising again and that I’d have to be prepared for that. I asked them if they had a timetable as for when they would be making hiring decisions, but they were like oh yeah we have no idea, so still don’t know what to do with that other than wait I guess. So yeah, overall I think it went pretty well, I was confident in pretty much all of my answers and I think my passion for the work really followed through. So when we finished I headed out, it was like 10:40 at this point so I called the dentist office back and asked if the 11:30 was still available and they said it was, so I got an uber pool and rode it downtown to where my dentist is located. So he checked it out and got his little camera pen thing in there so I could see, basically a fairly large part of the tooth/filling had come off revealing the silver filling beneath it, which means it wasn’t a filling that we’ve done over the past 3 years I’ve been here with this dentist, but was something my New York dentist had done. The dentist said it was stable for now though, so we made an appointment for next week to put a crown on it. I took the brown line to the bus and then home which was fairly easy. After changing out of the suit I made some lunch and tried to relax for a bit, watched some Reign and made sure I sent the reference list over. I also started picking at my gel nail polish because once you start doing that it’s really hard to stop, so my nails were not in good shape by the end of the day, but that was okay because once Jess got home we met up at the nail place we’ve been going to and got manicures, and then walked over to main street and got dinner and then ice cream because ice cream is always needed for birthday celebrations, even if it’s slightly delayed. Headed home after that and looked at stuff on my phone for a while trying to figure out what I want to do tomorrow. I’m supposed to (and by that I mean I responded yes on facebook) to this event with Illinois prosecutors and government attorneys where there are a bunch of different government agencies attending and will be possible networking attorneys. And of course part of me is like just suck it up and go it could be helpful, but another part of me knows I’m really not interested in any of the options listed, I don’t want to end up in some random government office, and I highly doubt I could get hired by the SA’s office given my dearth of experience with criminal law in the actual courtroom. The one thing that might’ve been slightly interesting was the office of the inspector general, which I would be interested in as they have a division that works inside DCFS that I would love to work for, but those that are attending are apparently from the office of the executive inspector general, which just means they oversee state operations and such and basically has no connection to the DCFS branch. and I mean, what am I gonna do, hand them my resume and ask them to give it to someone at a totally different office? they’re obviously not going to do that, so at this point I’m seriously doubting going, I really just don’t think there would be anything worth going for, but I guess we’ll see. And yeah, after that I showered and got ready for bed and now I am here and I am definitely ready to pass out, so I will end this here. Goodnight darlings. Congrats on being halfway through the week.

[bibookmerm]

I had a really fun time hanging out with a new friend yesterday! And the misadventures of having to take 3 busses worked out okay.

I wanted to leave at 1 to get there at 2. Google said this was feasible. Google is optimistic.

Pretty sure I actually got on the first bus at like 1:24, whoops. I went to Torah study until noon, took my sweet time getting dressed and picking out heckin pins and jewelry, and then bam, I had to hurry the heck up and go. (Elye, why were you not dressed before Torah study? Because it was on Zoom at 10 and I was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes at like 9:55 whoops. I slept like 10 hours. Sleep of the dead. Which worked out because my day was busy!)

On Bus 1 of my journey, we got stuck behind the bridge over the river so boats could pass. If we had gotten there 3 minutes earlier, I could've hopped right on a convenient Bus 2. It wasn't meant to be. Ah well. I watched these pigeons while I waited!

Good birds!

I saw that Bus 2 and Bus 3 were timed perfectly so I could basically get off of one and onto the other, no problem. But then Bus 2 was a few minutes late and Bus 3 was a few minutes early...so instead of Bus 3 arriving 2 minutes after Bus 2, it arrived 5 minutes earlier, and I missed it by a longshot. The next bus on that route wasn't coming for another half an hour!

ETA at friend's place went from 2:40 to 3:20. :/

So. I got tacos, lol. There was a cute place around the corner and it was fun to wait there and just listen to the music. Somebody came in to practice their Spanish to order and tbh they were pretty good! I wanted to offer to practice a bit with them too, but I did not trust my college Spanish one bit because it is currently stuffed underneath Yiddish vocab.

I had tacos to go in my hands just in time to swing back around to the bus stop and wait like 4 more minutes. Yay!

Finally arriving at my final bus stop, was messaging the friend and I started walking the wrong way, then hurried back, lol. Ended up meeting faer outside and getting to faer place by 3:15. Oof. Now I know to get moving in the morning and plan for these delays.

I think next time I'll just take an uber...which takes 20 freaking minutes.

[sursinchicago]

Ivy Rebecca Kaida Jun Sur

Baby Girl Sur 2.0 has arrived! Well, she arrived almost two months ago, actually – at 4:23 a.m. on July 25, 2018 weighing 6 lbs., 15 oz. and 21-inches long. It’s been a madhouse since we brought her home (hence the super-delayed birth story post) but it’s been amazing and she’s growing like crazy. 

But let’s think back to her grand entrance to the world…

We dubbed July 24, the day before Ivy was born, “Arden Fun Day” – we pulled her out of school and had a full day jam-packed with fun, kind of a farewell to her only-child days. She chose her breakfast (fried rice with a sunny-side egg on top) then we took the bus downtown. We made a pit-stop for breakfast dessert – a macaroon! – then headed to the Fountains at Millennium Park since it was a perfect hot day to play in the water. Arden and Dad stopped off at the Bean and then went to Maggie Daley Park to play while I went in for a doctor’s appointment. Everything looked good and on track for my C-section scheduled for that Friday, July 27 at 3 p.m. I was super anxious about having to fast for 6-8 hours before surgery – I mean, I’d be starving and so thirsty! The plan was for Kevin to cook up a feast for me at about 7am and then try to nap as much of the morning away until we had to be at the hospital by 1pm.

Anyhoo, Arden Fun Day continued… we went to lunch at Wildberry Café, took a double-decker bus tour around the city and stopped at Navy Pier to ride the giant Ferris wheel and eat a giant 5-flavor rainbow ice cream cone. Since it wouldn’t be an Arden Fun Day without sushi, we finished the day at a poke restaurant for dinner and came home exhausted!

After putting Arden to bed, Kevin and I figured it was about time to settle on a name for our new Baby Girl. Way to be last minute! Although we culled the list down a couple of weeks earlier, there were still several names on the table. My first choice was Ivy. There’s no real significance behind the name, I just love it. When I was at dinner on a work trip over the summer, a colleague decided we needed to come up with a name for Baby Girl Sur 2.0… she threw a whole bunch of names out but when she said Ivy, I immediately loved it.

Kevin has always loved the name Rebecca. He proposed it for Arden’s name – which, to his dismay, I shot down. Although I was initially against it, it actually sounded nice after Ivy. Way to compromise!

Then we had the challenge of her Chinese middle name. All the girls in Ivy and Arden’s generation have a Chinese middle name ____ Jun. Arden’s is Lai Jun. We chose her name from a list provided to us from the Au family but the person who provided the names in the past was not healthy enough to do it anymore. So, who did we turn to? Google, of course! We selected several names we liked and then crossed them off one by one until we landed on Kaida Jun. Kaida means “little dragon.” Kevin was born the year of the dragon and Ivy is his little. Awww.

In the middle of all this, around 8 or 9pm, I started feeling cramps. Nothing major but kind of annoying. I didn’t go into spontaneous labor with Arden (I was induced) so I didn’t know what it was and didn’t think much of it. At first. Then the cramps – I mean, contractions – started getting worse and I started timing their length and time in between. They were all across the board. I called the Midwife and she said it sounds like I have time so take a warm bath and try to relax (yeah, right) but call back if they become more consistent. Soon enough, the contractions were coming every 4 minutes. And DAMN they hurt. The midwife said to come in.

We called my mom and dad around 1:30am and asked them to come over to stay with Arden while we checked into the hospital. One of the benefits of driving to the hospital in the middle of the night is no traffic! We got there pretty quick.

My one stumble I should have known I was going to stumble on was if I went into spontaneous labor, if I try for a v-bac or stick to the c-section plan. I never really decided. So I labored and labored and labored. Then I decided to stick with the plan and go with the c-section. I was only given a 50/50 shot by the ob-gyn at a successful v-bac, which she said is quite low. My only goal with delivery (beside a healthy one, of course) was to not go through what I went through with Arden – that is, active laboring and pushing and then a c-section. So I had to wait to get to the OR to get any pain meds. When I finally did, THANK GOD.

Ivy was born quickly, healthy and with a full head of jet black hair. Easy peasy. I got to hold her right after, which I also really wanted to do (because I couldn’t with Arden). It was wonderful. 

We were moved to our post-partum room around 7am on July 25, which meant Kevin and I hadn’t slept in about 24 hours. Funny, we didn’t even feel sleepy (ha! that would come soon enough).

She did great in her first few days of life! Breast fed like a champ. Lost a little too much weight so we supplemented with formula… but she packed on the pounds soon enough. I was sure she would have jaundice like Arden (and all the Uehara kids) but she didn’t. We were all ready to go home after a 3-day stay but my darn blood pressure was still too high. Giving birth stresses me out, apparently. They kept us for one extra day to keep an eye on me but everything was a-ok and the next day we went home.

The past couple of months have honestly flown by and I can’t believe how big she’s gotten already. We’re so grateful for all the love and support from friends and family – especially big sister Arden, who is beyond amazing and taking her new role quite seriously.

Love,

Team Sur

[officialstandardhumans]

SH52: The Climate Crisis — What's Going On?

How many trees would you have to plant to offset your carbon footprint?

Which countries are environmental leaders? And which are laggards?

In this episode, the humans discuss environmentalism and sustainability. Looking at how humanity is doing globally, how Canada matches up to the rest of the world, and what you can do to help.

Standard Humans is hosted by Aidan Dennehy and Evan.

Shownotes:

Ceilo Farm Bed and Breakfast

This Is Your Brain on Pollution - Freakonomics Podcast Ep. 472

Carbon Neutral Goals by Country

Bhutan

Economic Freedom Index - Bhutan

Suriname

Country CO2 Emissions per Capita

List of countries by population

Economy of Trinidad and Tobago

Economy of Canada

How to Avoid a Climate Disaster: The Solutions We Have and the Breakthroughs We Need by Bill Gates

Carbon Footprint Calculator

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Evan: I think honestly, in Canada, and in the U.S., because we have so much exposure to nature around us, we take it for granted. Because we're like, I can drive out camping, like I did this weekend, two and a half hours in my gas powered car. And just hang out there and make a ton of garbage while I'm there and then throw it away. And then, it takes away the pressure to like actually make more sustainable sort of stuff.

[00:00:23] Evan: Yeah. Welcome back. It's been a little bit due to various working and cottaging. Maybe not more than normal. I don't know.

[00:00:33] Aidan: Actually, I was a little bit ahead before this, on the editing so that there hasn't been a delay yet. And we'll see what happens in the future.

[00:00:40] Evan: Well then hello listener after may be the normal amount of time.

[00:00:44] Evan: Much for you cottaging and for me, going around Gatineau has been done. How was the Cottage?

[00:00:50] Aidan: Cottage was excellent. The goats were fantastic.

[00:00:55] Evan: What?

[00:00:55] Aidan: Oh, yeah, it it was just a guest house on a farm, a little outside of Peterborough. And they had all sorts of animals. And we got like fresh eggs from chickens, maybe like 50, or a hundred meters away from the house.

[00:01:07] Evan: What is this place called?

[00:01:08] Aidan: It was an Airbnb, it was like Cielo farm or something like that.

[00:01:13] Evan: That's amazing.

[00:01:14] Aidan: Yeah, actually, it's a public listing. So like, why not just give them a little plug there? It was a great experience.

[00:01:21] Evan: Holy cow. That's that sounds like the most cricket and me place to ever exist.

[00:01:25] Aidan: It does actually, it's pretty chill. And it has a stupendous view because their house is like a little bit on a hill, like overlooking, just like big fields and farms.

[00:01:34] Aidan: Would recommend. I'll leave the link in the show notes.

[00:01:38] Evan: Yeah, these guys are going to be like, oh thank you. Because we got one new visitor and it was Evan.

[00:01:45] Aidan: Hey, that's the standard humans effect. When we check someone out who they go viral.

[00:01:52] Evan: Yeah. We're going to leave an Amazon link to buy the farm on Amazon. And so we get 10%.

[00:01:58] Aidan: Oh, that'd be great. I've heard that rural real estate agents make a killing. So like, if we can get a cut of that, like cool.

[00:02:04] Evan: Oh yeah. This is what the whole podcast is actually been about.

[00:02:08] Aidan: It's a play to get into rural and farm real estate.

[00:02:11] Evan: Sweet rural money,

[00:02:13] Aidan: Perfect. That's where the real cash is at, all those fools moving to the city.

[00:02:18] Evan: But that this is kind of related. Sorry, if somebody was excited, that's not actually what this one's about. This one is about environmentalist and, our individual role in it. If this seems pretty random, it started from a click hole, just like a Google hole or a Duck Duck Go hole.

[00:02:39] Aidan: Okay, thank you for elaborating on that. Wasn't quite sure what a click hole was.

[00:02:43] Evan: I don't know if I'm using that term actually correctly, but basically you just hear something and then you Google it and then you Google something related to that. And then you click on a link from there. And then it's just two hours just learning about those of random subject.

[00:02:57] Aidan: I'm familiar. It's both a great time and a can be a time suck.

[00:03:01] Evan: Because of that. I'm actually pretty well versed on the fino-russian winter war.

[00:03:05] Aidan: An excellent subject.

[00:03:07] Evan: No. So this one kind of starts with a story. So a week or two ago, I was, had to pretty chill work. Yeah at the gym because they're open again. So I've been able to go back. At the gym and then I was like, you know what, I'm going to do a little bit of a cool-down maybe walking a treadmill for like 10 minutes, 15 minutes. See what's up.

[00:03:27] Evan: And the treadmill was playing the news, which I never usually watch, but I was like, I don't want to bother with this, with the controls. I'll just watch it. And I'm all across the news there was that UN report that's like, we're all gonna die. That obviously isn't what it actually said, but it was the media has taken it very drastically. They're, they're very drastic about it, which honestly, I think is maybe a good thing.

[00:04:03] Aidan: Yeah, in terms of sparking action, that's probably a good thing. And it's also just the media's thing.

[00:04:08] Evan: Yeah, exactly. They just want you to click on it. And if it's, like the planet is going to explode, you're like, I'm going to click on that.

[00:04:14] Aidan: Not a bad headline. Maybe that's what we'll name this podcast.

[00:04:17] Evan: If this is worrying anyone the actual report, isn't actually that intense as the news is. It is interesting though. I've, I've checked out. Some of them haven't heard the whole thing cause it's really long. I've looked up more about it. But basically seeing that instantly gave me a stomach ache. And between that and the recent Ontario forest fires. How have you guys in Toronto gotten like smog from it?

[00:04:43] Aidan: Not that I've seen, but I'm going to be honest, I don't go outside every day. So.

[00:04:48] Evan: I guess I should rephrase it. Have you guys gotten more smog from it than your usual Toronto smog?

[00:04:54] Aidan: That is a good point. Not that I've noticed, I've been thinking I should check the air quality more often. Cause I don't really usually do that, but I haven't noticed any visible smog.

[00:05:05] Evan: I am not sure what you, what you do with that information. Maybe like, or a gas mask outside of them.

[00:05:11] Aidan: Or just go outside less often.

[00:05:12] Evan: Side note. I'm drinking to you right now. I hope that's not being picked up in my mic and just grossing everyone out.

[00:05:17] Aidan: I wasn't hearing it that you made some great like tea preparing noises at the beginning.

[00:05:22] Aidan: Lots of clicking and clanking and whatnot.

[00:05:25] Evan: Some new Japanese green tea I bought today. Very delicious. Um, But yeah, here in Ottawa or Kanata, I guess, we had a few days maybe seven in total, five to seven, somewhere where it was like, it was this weird layer of smog. And it was super freaky. And it was, from the forest fires, the air just coming from you know, the Northwest and coming down on us.

[00:05:49] Evan: But those things together. Yeah. That just gave me like an instant stomach ache. And I think with all these environmental issues. there are a few things going on, like obviously changes are being made at like the governmental level, but I think it is causing more and more people, more and more sort of mental freakout.

[00:06:08] Evan: Because we're hearing all these things, but on a personal level, with a problem that big, that's just basically like too much pollution. Most people like don't know what to do. And so that was that was my thinking. I was like, I want to do something, but I have to know what to do.

[00:06:24] Evan: What am I going to go drive up to the Northwest and pour a bucket of water on there? Maybe.

[00:06:28] Evan: So basically what I wanted to do here was find ways that one individual person could actually do something. I find there's a lot of, conflicting information too. Because it's like, oh, if you want to help the planet, you can go vegan.

[00:06:43] Evan: It's oh no, actually grains are destroying forests because of farmland. So you actually got to go paleo or go local. Or like, you should have an electric car. It's oh no, the batteries are super bad. You actually got to take the bus. So yeah, I just thought we could, first sort of go over some facts about Canada. Some of them I found very surprising in my research and then do the little carbon footprint quiz. But this is a more interesting one because it has some more concrete results at the end.

[00:07:15] Aidan: Ooh. That sounds very interesting, actually.

[00:07:18] Evan: Yeah. Basically, I'm just making what I wanted about two weeks ago. It's like what, what is actually going on and what can I do?

[00:07:27] Evan: Am I going to oversell my tea? Oh, wow. You know, It's coming out really slow. So you just keep pouring it into your cup because you think it's going to just like peter out, but then it just keeps going constantly, and you're like, ah.

[00:07:38] Evan: Anyway, so yeah, let's start with some Canada information.

[00:07:42] Aidan: Big prediction. Canada's doing shit with all its mining and whatnot, in terms of the environment and its goals.

[00:07:49] Evan: I'll just say, this this is on visual capitalist.com. I'm not saying this is like an infallible resource, but this data here matches up pretty closely. Like it's not like wildly inconsistent with all the other data I've found. It seems like generally okay. But the specifics might be contested.

[00:08:07] Evan: This is called the race to net zero carbon neutral goals by country. And, I came across this first because. A few months ago, China instituted a carbon cap and trade system nationally, which they'd never had anything like that before. Huge moves for the carbon in the atmosphere being gone. Actually not gone, that would suck. That would be pretty bad.

[00:08:29] Aidan: You need some carpet.

[00:08:30] Evan: Yeah. you need a little bit you need a normal amount. Not too much. Not too little. Otherwise the trees are like borough, but anyway, so that brought me here. And they have all the carbon neutral goals by country.

[00:08:43] Evan: And there's currently one country. Uh, hope you haven't looked. There's currently one country in the world that is pretty much by all accounts, carbon neutral or sorry, carbon negative. They actually absorb more carbon than they transmit. There's a couple of more that claim it. And it's possible, but it seems more dubious.

[00:09:03] Evan: But yeah. Do you know what that country is?

[00:09:06] Aidan: Yeah. Maybe send me the links after, cause I did glance through the article already. Unfortunately. Shout out to Bhutan for having both the best flag in the world and being carbon neutral or achieving their goals.

[00:09:17] Evan: Oh, the dragon?

[00:09:18] Aidan: Yeah. Love Bhutan.

[00:09:20] Evan: Yeah, me too. And they've got cool monasteries. Like what a place.

[00:09:24] Aidan: Yeah. What's not to love about Bhutan.

[00:09:26] Evan: Yeah. Bhutan is currently well, the only country that I've found, like pretty much every source saying is carbon negative. Another one mentioned is Surinam another one I've seen as well as Morocco.

[00:09:37] Aidan: Where is Suriname?

[00:09:39] Evan: It is the north east coast of south America

[00:09:43] Aidan: Ah, okay.

[00:09:44] Evan: And they speak Dutch they're, weirdly.

[00:09:47] Aidan: It's the Americas, man, this shit just happens. I don't know. Colonialism, am I right?

[00:09:52] Evan: So yeah, Butan is the one that I found pretty much every source agree upon is carbon negative. Pretty interestingly, they have super green energy. They have environmental protection laws designating that no less than 60% of their country has to be like undisturbed forest or undisturbed nature.

[00:10:10] Aidan: Oh, okay. That would help.

[00:10:13] Evan: Yeah. And they, they did it very early compared to other countries, basically they just put less of a pressure on modernizing and industrializing and more on sustainability, like earlier than a lot of other countries.

[00:10:24] Evan: And I think, if there's any country to learn from, for this sort of thing, it would be them. Granted it's a lot easier to do these things in a largely homogenous, smaller country than it would be in a, very diverse, larger country, like Canada, or even more so U.S. But there are definitely things that we could learn from them just about like prioritization and balancing business and the economy with the environment.

[00:10:48] Aidan: What even are their exports. I know nothing about them other than monks and the dragon.

[00:10:53] Evan: Well, One thing I know about them is that they have, I believe they have free energy. So they dissuade people from heating or cooling their homes with their own like gas stoves and whatnot. I guess you wouldn't call it with that, but like, or sorry, burning wood themselves. They have free energy. That's what I saw on some sites that I cannot verify.

[00:11:11] Aidan: After three years in the moderately free category Bhutan's economy fell back into the ranks of the mostly unfree this year. The government has a lot of tariffs and other restrictions on trade.

[00:11:21] Evan: The King? The have a King still

[00:11:23] Aidan: Oh, no, they, I transitioned from absolute monarchy to constitutional parliamentary democracy in 2008.

[00:11:31] Evan: Wow.

[00:11:31] Aidan: That's late

[00:11:33] Evan: That's really cool. Actually. What the heck. Places with Kings, I think it's so cool though.

[00:11:38] Aidan: An absolute monarchy until 2008.

[00:11:41] Evan: it's actually wild.

[00:11:42] Aidan: Reading what is this heritage.org article? It says Butan has one of the world's smallest and least developed economies, even late into the 20th century. The landlocked countries, largely agrarian with few roads, electricity and no modern hospitals.

[00:11:56] Evan: That I believe is both like a sort of a cause and an effect of their like, priorities or net carbon negativity, less focused on industrialization. It was ranked the happiest or one of the happiest countries in the world. So that's quite interesting.

[00:12:12] Aidan: But yeah, no. Definitely gets to your point that like, it would be easier for them, but that's also partly just because of their way of thinking or prioritization, as you said.

[00:12:23] Evan: And yeah, being smaller and more homogenous as well, does make things easier for that sort of thing.

[00:12:29] Aidan: It's easier when you have an absolute monarchy.

[00:12:31] Evan: Yeah. That's what I've learned. We need to get a king of Canada. To have absolute power. And then it's David Suzuki is the king surprise,

[00:12:40] Aidan: Anyways off that tangent. Thank you, Bhutan. Let's see, I guess now we know there's only one country with that carbon neutral or even negative status.

[00:12:52] Evan: the, yeah,

[00:12:53] Evan: Carbon negative is a thing that take in more than they expell.

[00:12:56] Aidan: Is that all because of all the trees they're able to take in?

[00:12:59] Evan: They have a lot of forest and yeah, relatively little mining oil and gas industry like that. Um, And not that densely populated. Probably more than Canada. But that's not hard.

[00:13:13] Evan: So once we heard about that, we see if the CO2 emissions of how it's net negative for some countries, well one to three countries, on worldometers.info, Uh, this is another site where the information like the actual numbers, maybe like contested, but the general gist is inline with the rest of the information I've seen. So for total CO2 emissions, do you want to guess which countries do the most total?

[00:13:47] Aidan: The most total CO2 emissions? And this is current? So like last couple of years or?

[00:13:53] Evan: Yeah, it's all a couple of years. Actually, it's 2016 for the total.

[00:13:56] Aidan: Okay. Because top one would have to be China. I know that they've used more concrete in last, like 10 years than the U S did in the whole like 20th century.

[00:14:07] Evan: Wow.

[00:14:08] Aidan: Yeah. Like They are building like mad.

[00:14:10] Evan: And they built the Hoover Dam.

[00:14:11] Aidan: Yeah. China would, I would say hard, like number one there. U S would definitely be up there.

[00:14:18] Evan: U.S. Is number two.

[00:14:19] Aidan: Ah, got them. And then next, India has a lot of people, but not that much, I'll say like industry or I shouldn't say industry what's the other word infrastructure. That's what I'm going for. So I would say they might be lower than like maybe other European countries, even though they're

[00:14:37] Evan: They are number three.

[00:14:39] Aidan: just the EU as a whole.

[00:14:41] Evan: No, No india.

[00:14:41] Aidan: Oh, India is number three. Interesting okay.

[00:14:44] Evan: Relative to the population, they have relatively little infrastructure, but when you're, when you're dealing with a continent's worth of people in one country, you're still going to have fricking load.

[00:14:56] Aidan: Good on them. I mean like that, it's a sign, I guess, a lot of ways of developing and people coming out of extreme poverty. Which is nice. I mean, Hopefully going forwards, we'll figure out ways to have that those not be tied together,

[00:15:08] Evan: That's the main thing. Because when a country's poor, you can't really ask people to like put sustainable uh, growth over like, will your family eat this week?

[00:15:19] Evan: well, We could make a shit ton of money and like, have, the general population, like be much more healthy and well fed. If we like sell all this oil we have. Or we could

[00:15:30] Evan: like put more priority on sustainability. Like you'll never get elected that way. Cause people are like, I want to eat.

[00:15:36] Aidan: I don't know, There's a whole double standard in there too of all the developed countries went through the phase of developing and they put out all sorts of CO2 just in getting to the point or the quality of life we have now, then we're saying to everyone else, it's like, no, no, but you can't do that because you have too many people and if you did that would just mess up the entire planet.

[00:15:56] Evan: Yeah, exactly. Hopefully just more sustainable ways of developing. Well, That's what has to happen.

[00:16:02] Aidan: Yeah, there was a lot of interesting stuff on that in Bill Gates' book. He lays out all of the big categories or he did lay out all the big categories that CO2 comes from and where we are right now on all. Whether we need like new innovations or just new policies or whatnot was a very good read. You'd probably enjoy.

[00:16:20] Evan: Yeah, I'm sure I would actually, and related to like where we are now, for most, or for a lot of north America and almost all of Europe The CO2 emissions actually have already peaked and are on the down now. But again, it's because they're pretty much done developing.

[00:16:35] Aidan: Yeah, we don't have too many more buildings to build. Or like we do, but like it's a small amount.

[00:16:43] Evan: Um, And then when people yeah, have guaranteed food and shelter, then there'll be like, then they might actually choose to do sustainable things or to make sustainable, like environmentally sustainable choices over gain an income because they don't need it as bad.

[00:16:57] Evan: But yeah, I'll just read the top 10.

[00:17:01] Aidan: Wait, I'm going to guess Canada isn't on the top 10.

[00:17:06] Evan: I'm just total emissions. Like not per capita. Just per country?

[00:17:09] Aidan: Per country, yeah, I'm going to say maybe top 20, but not top 10.

[00:17:13] Evan: Canada is top 10.

[00:17:15] Aidan: Oh, no Canada.

[00:17:17] Evan: But yes, it's China with 10 billion CO2 emissions. That's tons for that year. And then us has half that at 5 billion. China has half that at 2.5 billion. Russia has 1.6. So Russia is number four, Japan. Number five, Germany number six, Canada number seven, Iran eight South Korea nine and Indonesia 10.

[00:17:38] Aidan: What was Canada's gross?

[00:17:40] Evan: Yeah, just total was 675 million tons.

[00:17:44] Aidan: Okay. That is actually very in line with per capita, with the U S which I guess makes sense. Very similar lifestyles.

[00:17:51] Evan: Yeah. I initially was like, okay, Canada's got so few people, we can't possibly be in the top 10 like for total emissions, but we totally are. And it's I think like, honestly, Canada and the us are like some of the least sustainable lifestyles kind of out there.

[00:18:09] Evan: One thing, yeah, one thing I really don't like about a lot of Canada, that's kind of unavoidable with just the population density and stuff. Well, It's not unavoidable is that you have there's a lot of pressure to drive everywhere, super car based society.

[00:18:22] Aidan:  Yeah, there are pockets where you don't. I don't own a car because I live in Toronto, which is real nice. And I enjoy it. Like I prefer not to drive, so it's cool. But if I'm ever outside of, I'm going to say like maybe Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, you probably need a car.

[00:18:39] Evan: And now that Ottawa has a train.

[00:18:41] Aidan: You've got to train. Is it working now?

[00:18:42] Evan: It's working now? I took it today.

[00:18:45] Aidan: They've got the doors figured out?

[00:18:46] Evan: Maybe I took it today and I was fine. Ottawa, I would say you can get by without a car. I would say Kanata is the farthest you can live and get by without a car. If you live any of the like, Stittsville like anywhere more on the outskirts, you definitely need a car. But uh, even if people live downtown, a lot of people, just because that's what is the norm for us.

[00:19:07] Evan: Even if you can easily get places by train and bus, a lot of people will just drive anyway, because it's just ingrained in us. If you want to go somewhere, you've got to drive. Or even a lot of people if they live like a 15 minutes walk from a grocery store because of we got like the Costco model where you just get a ton of shit, like once a week or once every two weeks you drive two minutes and get there and just load it, load up your minivan and drive back.

[00:19:31] Evan:  It's too bad, but I think for stuff like that, it can't really be relied on like for each person to make an individual choice to be like, I'm going to walk, I'm going to take the bus. I think it has to be infrastructure, like increase amount of buses, make buses electric. Instead of giant block of houses, giant block of stores, maybe more like, in a lot of the rest of the world, it's just house have store house has store.

[00:19:54] Aidan: Very walkable community. You can get to every place that you need to go by walk.

[00:19:59] Evan: Walk in public transport centered sort of places. yeah, when I was staying in France, this is just a product of, because it's a very old city. It was, it would be like hugely impractical to drive most places because driving so annoying, like the streets are tiny, you can't park anywhere and you wouldn't ever need to.

[00:20:17] Evan: Cause there's a butcher, a bakery, a grocery store, like a liquor store, like a bar restaurant within like three blocks. It's pretty much anywhere. Or like within, let's say max, like 20 to 30, 30 minutes walk. So I think, I think aiming towards That sort of model would be much more sustainable.

[00:20:38] Evan: Another thing is because we have a very large fossil fuel oil and gas industry still, and a statistic I heard this is not verified, but what I heard was that the U.S. Gets more oil actually from Canada than Saudi Arabia.

[00:20:53] Aidan: That is odd. Yeah. I guess we are much closer, so it'd be cheaper to transport, though, cargo ships are pretty cheap way to transport anything.

[00:21:02] Evan: And we're just a big country. I think honestly, in Canada, and in the us, because we have so much exposure to nature around us. We take it for granted, because we're like, I can drive out camping. Like I did this weekend, two and a half hours in my gas powered car. And just hang out there and make a ton of garbage while I'm there and then throw it away. And then, it takes away the pressure to like actually make more sustainable sort of stuff.

[00:21:27] Evan: So basically why I think that we're so high CO2 in Canada because everybody drives everywhere because there's not as much infrastructure to not. And because of our industry. But now let's go CO2 emissions per capita.

[00:21:43] Aidan: Yeah, I was going to say, our per capita is going to be off the charts. Cause I looked up the like countries by population on Wikipedia. And we're like 37th in terms of total population. And you said we're seventh in terms of total emissions.

[00:21:56] Evan: This is interesting, actually. So obviously, yeah, with China and India are in the top three, obviously they're going to be much lower for per capita because they're playing in the billions. We're not even playing in the a hundred million, so we're not even playing at half a hundred million.

[00:22:14] Aidan: Are we like top

[00:22:15] Evan: We, we are still top 10 per capita. This was actually really interesting. So for CO2 emissions per capita, the number one, this, I guess isn't that surprising Is Qatar. With 37 tons per person per year of CO2 emissions. Uh, And then this one was a bit surprising Montenegro after that.

[00:22:33] Aidan: Is that one of those like micronations

[00:22:36] Evan: Yeah.

[00:22:37] Aidan: is that one of the ones that's all like billionaires with their like yachts and jets?

[00:22:41] Evan: Maybe it's because everybody has Ferrari's that they tried better or I dunno, or everyone has a yachts that are like gas-powered I dunno.

[00:22:49] Aidan: I guess. Yeah.

[00:22:50] Evan: Montenegro, Kuwait. Not that surprising. And then number four is super surprising to me. Like, I to me. Like, I don't understand this at all. Trinidad and Tobago with twenty-five tons per capita. Like them, I don't know if they have a giant oil and gas industry or? All the Arabian peninsula countries to me makes total sense. Cause like huge oil industry. Like you got all the other rich dudes right in their g wagons. Like I get that. It's hot. Everybody's blasting the AC, makes sense. But Montenegro in Trinidad and Tobago, I'm like what? I don't understand.

[00:23:29] Aidan: Apparently it's the wealthiest country pretty much in the Caribbean.

[00:23:34] Evan: Oh well, I have been there. It's lovely.

[00:23:36] Aidan: Yeah. And the fifth largest by GDP in the Americas, at least like their economy, but. Ah, it's the leading Caribbean producer of oil and gas. Its economy is heavily dependent upon these resources, but it also supplies, manufactured goods, notably foods and beverages, as well as cement to the Caribbean region. Oh, that'd be big.

[00:23:57] Evan: Okay, this makes a lot of sense. Cause I was, I was really confused by that one.

[00:24:02] Aidan: Yeah. That's like oil and gas is 40% of their GDP and 80% of export. But only 5% of employment, which is interesting. That might be a lot of foreign contractors or something going on there.

[00:24:14] Evan: There is a decent amount of income inequality. Then, so on number five, the UAE United Arab Emirates makes sense. After that Oman, again makes sense. And then Canada, we're at number seven. At 18.5 tons per person per year CO2 emissions.

[00:24:34] Evan: And honestly, it seems like all of these so far. These are pretty much having been to only one of the other ones from what I've heard are all mainly car based nations and uh, whatnot, but it seems like a lot of it is just mainly to do with an oil and gas industry.

[00:24:53] Aidan: That seems to be a common thread through all of them. Like including Canada, like we're probably, I would guess the least dependent or that would be the smallest, like piece of the pie.

[00:25:03] Evan: I would guess for the least dependent, because I'm not coming from the prairie's here. I'm not coming from Berta.

[00:25:11] Aidan: Yeah, we've got such a large country that like, it really depends on where you are. Like this wikipedia article is saying that logging and energy industries are two of our most important. And we also have a big manufacturing center with automobiles, and aircraft's being really big. And we also have a big like seafood industry as well as just like software and entertainment.

[00:25:35] Evan: We just do everything at a smaller scale than the states, except for actually, except for the naturalism. We do that kind of bigger.

[00:25:43] Aidan: Define naturalism.

[00:25:44] Evan: Like trees, rocks, water. Got a lot of trees and rocks and water here. But then yeah. So rounding out the top 10, I Brunei, Luxenberg and Bahrain. Brunei has a Sultan. That's a cool fact about Brunei.

[00:26:00] Aidan: That's interesting, actually I assumed Luxembourg was all like bankers. Is that just their lifestyle?

[00:26:07] Evan: I assume it's lifestyle. Cause everyone's very well off. So maybe everyone's got a ton of cars and like there's no buses cause everyone's rich. So they'd just drive everywhere.

[00:26:15] Aidan: Okay. Actually, I'm looking at the little, like breakdown of Canada's. I think this is GDP. Yeah. In 2017 and gas and oil is the biggest. I'm going to take a hot guests and say all these little numbers add up to like 25.

[00:26:29] Evan: Okay. That's still, I that's a lot. Luckily, not as high as a lot of other countries above us, but yeah, so Canada is quite high for our CO2 emissions per capita among the rest of the world. We hear in Canada all about like, oh, China's making all these emissions. India is making all this emissions and pollution. We got to remember that for per capita, we're doing way worse than them.

[00:26:54] Evan: Let's scroll down here. I'm scrolling down. I'm trying to find either China or India and. China. Okay. yeah, China's around 41. Interestingly, actually, the us is not in the top 10. I think it's because they don't have much of an oil and gas industry.

[00:27:11] Evan: And India, I'm scrolling. um, Let's keep going. Alright. I've scrolled very far. Past 50 and I've given up,

[00:27:21] Aidan: India is just not on the list in terms of per capita.

[00:27:24] Evan: Very low emissions per capita. That's something to remember. I think that initially I was like, oh no, Canada is so bad, but now I'm like, That's a good thing. If we're such a big player in like total emissions and like emissions, both total emissions and emissions per capita in the world, then you know, that's something actually that we can in some way affect, either through voting or like whatever or their actions just because like we live here.

[00:27:52] Evan: So that's actually quite reassuring that if I just, have, make some change to you know, the emissions and the policies of my country, then that actually will have a pretty large effect on that greater world.

[00:28:02] Aidan: That's actually interesting too. I just noticed that out of the top 10, we are the smallest population.

[00:28:08] Evan: Wait,

[00:28:08] Evan: Wait, Montenegro and Luxembourg?

[00:28:11] Aidan: Sorry. I was looking at the total list. Total CO2 emission.

[00:28:14] Evan: Oh yeah. So I guess, so we have the largest population.

[00:28:18] Aidan: Out of per capita maybe, but we have the smallest out of the total emissions. So meaning that all the countries ahead of us and like behind us for a bit have much larger populations and less like much lower per capita than us. So it's was just emphasizing here, we can really play a role.

[00:28:34] Evan: There's a lot of stuff that we can do, which is actually yeah, reassuring.

[00:28:38] Evan: The last thing I sent You I might've sent you my results by accident, but conservation.org. Again, I don't have any affiliation with this website. It is not gospel. It's just an interesting thing I found, but it, just it was sort of interesting to me. And so what we're going to do is calculate our footprint.

[00:28:59] Aidan: Let's do it. So this is a website that basically you tell them some like demographic and some other things about yourself and like, I guess your activities like your transportation and travel, yada, yada, and then they tell you what your carbon footprint is.

[00:29:14] Evan: Yeah, exactly. So I thought we'd, read that I can see. And then after this something to do as well. We'll get to that after.

[00:29:21] Evan: Have you got the like household transportation and travel thing?

[00:29:24] Aidan: Yes, I do.

[00:29:25] Evan: Okay. Cool.

[00:29:26] Aidan: Okay. I'm here to just got my footprint calculated.

[00:29:30] Evan: Okay. What is yours?

[00:29:32] Aidan: Your footprint is 12.69 tons.

[00:29:36] Evan: Oh, mine's 13.41. So I'm slightly more.

[00:29:40] Aidan: Evan you monster. Why do you hate the environment?

[00:29:43] Evan: it It says it takes 192 trees to offset your annual footprint.

[00:29:48] Aidan: Yeah, mine saying it takes me 181.

[00:29:53] Evan: What I found really interesting was the offset option here. I do not know where that money goes. It says you, you can offset your carbon footprint by like buying It's a, it's a tax deductible donation. I don't know where it goes. So I need to do research on that. See if it's legit or not.

[00:30:10] Evan: But then 192 trees, I found that really interesting. Cause I'm like, I can do that. I can responsible for probably 10 times that this year people who plant trees say they can do more than that in like a day.

[00:30:22] Evan: What I want to do is be responsible somehow either by planting them, myself, or donating to tree planting or otherwise, I want it to be responsible for what at least 192 trees planted this year.

[00:30:34] Aidan: That is a cool goal, yeah, that actually just off sets your carbon footprint.

[00:30:39] Evan: And in the bottom it says some things you can do. Oh, and like where the U.S. average is for like energy consumption or carbon, actually carbon emission. And it looks like the highest is just your house, which I find very interesting.

[00:30:52] Aidan: That is. Yeah. So what is it about here house that changes, because we just said like how size basically a number of people.

[00:31:02] Evan: I think it would be heating and cooling would be a large one as well as lights. And just how much space you have that is not forest.

[00:31:12] Evan: And they have some tips in the bottom like: meatless Mondays, fly direct. I think these are the same for everybody. I don't think that tailored for our results. Cause it says take the bus and improve your fuel economy. When I said I don't drive and I take the bus often. But these are some interesting, interesting things.

[00:31:29] Evan: But yeah, so the, my main takeaway from this is I want to, I want to be responsible for around 200 trees. Like I'd like to plant them myself, ideally. Cause I feel like I could do that in a long weekend, 200 trees. But if not, find some way to be responsible for that.

[00:31:44] Evan: And so I hope everyone uh, checks out some info like that about themselves. Maybe you just gets a scale of like where you live, what's the situation, you know, what can you do? How much are you responsible for yourself? And I hope this helps maybe ease some people's anxieties about the sort of stuff.

[00:32:00] Evan: But yeah. That's my main takeaway there. Maybe we should update later in the year, on what our takeaways from this.

[00:32:07] Aidan: Possibly. Yeah. And how many trees you've planted.

[00:32:11] Evan: And the other main purpose of this listener, I hope it inspires you to get involved where you live and just, get informed to get the information uh, about the sort of stuff as it pertains to you.

[00:32:21] Aidan: That is interesting. Yeah, because as we mentioned, Canada has a big opportunity to step up here. And I think the vast majority of our listenership is Canadian. So.

[00:32:32] Evan: Yeah, and I think also most Canadians think we're actually probably one of the more environmentally friendly countries.

[00:32:40] Aidan: Because you can just be like, look at the U S they're doing terrible. We were obviously doing great.

[00:32:46] Evan: And you'd be looking at many forests we have. Look at all that we can't be that bad.

[00:32:50] Aidan: Yeah. But they're all on fire. They're about to leave.

[00:32:53] Evan: And listener, to get involved and inform yourself.

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: Under America’s Broken Health Care System, Some Who Downplayed COVID-19 Received the Best Treatment For It

Jodi Click, who suffers from severe Crohn’s Disease, has long been accustomed to frequent doctors visits and medical procedures. But nothing prepared the 40-year-old for her lengthy battle with COVID-19 this year. After contracting the virus in March, she has spent months enduring the aftermath of the disease: unpredictable blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, and low oxygenation levels. She now relies on a walker for mobility.

Her wallet hasn’t recovered either. Because of her prolonged illness, she quit her teaching job, which meant she lost her employer health insurance and was forced to switch to a government insurance plan amidst a wave of health problems. She’s now struggling to afford basic necessities, while waiting weeks for her insurance to authorize payment for medical procedures, like an echocardiogram, that her doctors recommend. “I will probably have to sell my house and move home with my parents,” Click says, “even though I turned 40-years-old the week before I got sick.”

It is from this vantage point that Click—and millions of other Americans—have witnessed President Donald Trump’s dismissive attitude toward the effects of COVID-19, a disease that has already killed more than 210,000 Americans. After announcing a positive test on Friday and reportedly experiencing heart palpitations and decreased oxygen levels, Trump was admitted to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, where he stayed in a suite equipped with its own kitchen and dining room, was attended by a team of top-tier doctors, and immediately received a host of treatments—with no delay for insurance authorization, and at no cost to himself.

As he prepared to leave the hospital on Monday, the President appeared to conflate his own extraordinary medical experience with the one available to most Americans. “Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life,” he tweeted. “We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge.”

But the truth is, most Americans, including Click, have limited access to those same “really great” treatments and have very different experiences with the American health care system generally. Trump’s blasé attitude toward COVID-19 this week underscores not only his apparent lack of understanding of how most Americans access medical care, but also just how unequal America’s healthcare system is.

While Trump and some of his top associates, like New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, were able to voluntarily admit themselves to hospitals with what they described as mild symptoms, tens of thousands of Americans have been turned away at emergency room doors. In Detroit, 50-year-old bus driver Jason Hargrove‘s wife, Desha Johnson-Hargrove, brought him to the hospital twice in March before his symptoms were considered severe enough to allow a hospital admission. He died a few days later, before she got the chance to say goodbye. Millions more Americans have suffered at home with no treatment at all, avoided treatment entirely out of fear of sky-high medical bills, or been forced to play a bureaucratic cat-and-mouse game with their insurance companies to wrangle coverage before seeking care.

Trump also received an aggressive raft of treatments, including antibodies, a corticosteroid that’s usually provided to control the inflammatory response that sometimes occurs in more advanced stages of the virus, and remdesivir, an experimental antiviral treatment that’s still undergoing testing and was until recently reserved for patients who are moderately to severely ill and receiving intensive care. But most Americans cannot access such interventions. Click, for instance, never qualified for remdesivir, which was primarily limited to patients on ventilators in intensive care units when she was diagnosed. Even when it became more accessible to people experiencing symptoms similar to hers, she says her doctors told her she was outside the drug trial’s symptom-onset window to qualify for access.

“It’s definitely a difference in care based on where you are and which hospitals you have access to,” says Click, who has had to drive hours outside of her small Indiana community to get treatment.

The threat of high medical bills

While medical knowledge about the virus has improved significantly since March and April when Click and Hargrove were first diagnosed, many barriers remain for Americans who need the kind of treatment that Trump and Christie are receiving.

One of the biggest is cost. Nearly 30 million Americans did not have health insurance last year, and an estimated 12 million people have lost insurance through their employer due to the pandemic this year, according to the Economic Policy Institute. The Trump Administration created a program this spring that promised to cover COVID-19 treatment for people without insurance, but the policy is riddled with patient-sized holes. If they do not get their treatment covered through that spotty fund or a hospital’s financial assistance program, the millions of uninsured Americans would all have to pay out of pocket for any care they receive.

Those costs can be astronomical. The median price tag on a COVID-19 hospitalization for people without health insurance or who end up getting care out-of-network ranges from $34,662 for people aged 23 to 30, to $45,683 for those in the 51 to 60 age bracket, a study by FAIR Health found this summer. For those who have health insurance, the care would likely be covered by their plans—but only after they have paid their yearly deductible, which is often more than $1,000.

Even that is too much for many Americans. Nearly 40% of U.S. adults say they would not be able to cover a $400 emergency with cash, savings or a credit card that they could easily pay off. And half of American adults report they have delayed or put off medical care in the last year due to its cost, according to a survey from the nonpartisan Kaiser Family Foundation.

Of course, to confirm they need treatment, patients must first typically get tested for COVID-19—a seemingly simple requirement that was out of reach for Americans for months early in the pandemic. While Trump has repeatedly insisted that testing is free and available for all Americans, public health professionals say that’s often not been the case. In Denver, when Tami Matthews was alerted she was exposed to a coworker who had COVID-19 after being laid off in March, she had to pay for a test that came back negative despite her worsening symptoms. After that, she was never able to get another test despite six weeks of chest pain, trouble breathing, low oxygen levels, and multiple ER visits. She has now largely recovered, but ended up paying around $4,000 for treatment even with insurance through her husband’s job.

Even as testing has become more widely available in recent months, people around the country have reported waiting days or even weeks to find out whether they’ve contracted the virus. Others say they’ve received surprise bills for COVID-19 tests, even though they’re supposed to be free. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that people self-quarantine while awaiting test results if they believe they may have been exposed to the virus. For most Americans, these delays can mean days they cannot work and provide for their families, but for Trump and his circle, life continues.

The White House has said Trump and his advisors have used rapid tests to screen for the virus frequently, though the tests are not conclusive and can produce false negatives. Guests at Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s Supreme Court nomination ceremony in the White House Rose Garden on Sept. 26 took rapid Abbott ID Now tests and waited as little as 15 minutes to get those results before being allowed to enter. But the occasion has become a likely super-spreader event with at least 11 people who were present now testing positive.

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty ImagesAttorney General William Barr says goodbye to former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and other guests after President Donald Trump introduces 7th U.S. Circuit Court Judge Amy Coney Barrett, 48, as his nominee to the Supreme Court in the Rose Garden at the White House September 26, 2020 in Washington, DC.

On Oct. 1, Trump attended a fundraiser at his golf course in Bedminster, N.J. after a senior advisor he had been in close contact with, Hope Hicks, tested positive for COVID-19 that morning. Numerous members of Congress have defied safety precautions only to catch COVID-19 and put others at risk of contracting it. Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson attended an Oct. 2 fundraiser in his state, which has one of the worst outbreaks of COVID-19, while waiting for his results that came back positive on Oct. 3. And Senators Mike Lee and Thom Tillis, who both tested positive after attending the Rose Garden ceremony last week, serve on the Senate Judiciary Committee that is expected to begin hearings for Barrett on Oct. 12. (Despite the CDC recommending 14 days of quarantining, both Lee and Tillis have said they will only quarantine for 10 days, likely in order to be present for Barrett’s confirmation process.)

The prospect of losing health insurance looms large

After leaving her teaching job due to COVID-19, Click was able to find a government health care plan on her state’s marketplace. But that would have been impossible without the Affordable Care Act (ACA)—the 2010 law that the Trump Administration is attempting to dismantle. Under Trump’s watch, the Justice Department is now backing a lawsuit asking the Supreme Court to overturn the entire ACA, an outcome that will be more likely if the President succeeds in appointing Barrett to the bench.

For Click and tens of millions of other Americans, the consequences of the ACA being overturned would be dramatic. Before the ACA, insurers could use a person’s health history, or their pre-existing conditions, to deny them coverage, charge them higher rates or offer them fewer benefits. If the Supreme Court were to strike down the law, COVID-19 could be considered a pre-existing condition that could make someone like Click uninsurable.

“Assuming that the ACA were overturned, insurers probably would take into account whether someone has COVID-19,” says Karen Pollitz, a senior fellow at the Kaiser Family Foundation who studies health reforms and private insurance. “They might also consider if they had a history of COVID, if they’d recently been infected or ever been infected. They might take into account other risk factors.”

These risk factors could include everything from a person’s location to their job to how often they get tested for COVID-19. Anything that makes an insurance company think someone could be expensive would be fair game, Pollitz says.

The ACA also introduced essential health benefits, or minimum requirements for what most plans have to cover. Without the law, coverage of certain prescription drugs, oxygen treatments or rehabilitation services that someone with COVID-19 might need wouldn’t necessarily be covered, and many plans might drop mental health coverage, which could be important as many Americans struggle with the long-term effects of the disease.

Click, who already had Crohn’s Disease—a pre-existing condition—before contracting COVID-19, is worried how she’ll get by if the ACA is overturned next month and she is saddled with the costs of the numerous new ailments that her bout of the virus precipitated. “I’ve added heart damage and kidney damage and lung damage,” she says. “It’s just really scary what the cost would be to stay alive and have all of that added on, because it’s not like you could not have your oxygen on for a day because you can’t afford to pay for it.”

The health care vote

Health care is often a key issue for Americans when they head to the polls and the pandemic had already been top of mind for most voters. Now with the renewed Supreme Court fight over the ACA and President Trump’s own COVID-19 diagnosis, Americans’ concerns about their personal health are even more front-and-center. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll last month showed that more registered voters say Biden has a better approach than Trump to almost all health care issues. This week, two-thirds of Americans said Trump handled the risk of coronavirus infection to the people around him irresponsibly, according to a new CNN poll. Disapproval of the President’s handling of the coronavirus also reached a new high of 60% in the poll.

That Click and Hargrove and Matthews did everything right leading up to their diagnoses is all the more frustrating, they say: They were religious about washing their hands and social distancing. They wore masks and stayed home whenever possible.

Their precautions stand in stark contrast to Trump and his White House staff, who have jettisoned masks, against the advice of government scientists, and embraced in-person celebrations, rallies, and campaign events. “They flouted all these things and got the virus, and yet they get better care than the average American does,” Matthews says. “That makes me really angry.” At Barrett’s Supreme Court nomination ceremony on Sept. 26, Administration officials and other GOP allies were seen shaking hands and hugging without masks. During Trump’s first debate against Democratic Nominee Joe Biden three days later, the President’s family in the audience removed their masks despite the event’s host, the Cleveland Clinic, requiring them.

Johnson-Hargrove, Click and Matthews say they are keeping these ironies in mind when they head to the polls in November. It will be an especially difficult day for Johnson-Hargrove, who says voting was an activity she and her late husband relished doing as a couple. “Every year we went together,” says Johnson-Hargrove. “So [Jason] definitely will be on my heart and in my mind. And I will be casting that vote proudly, proudly in honor of my husband.”

Thanks to Trump’s response to the ongoing pandemic, she says, that vote will be for Biden.

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste