#my hh deadpool reader

[societalenemynumberone]

*Before the creation of Hell*

Sera: So what did you get Deadpool!Reader for their birthday?

Elder Angel: I got them a kitten

Young Emily: Really? Me too!

Michael: I also got them a cat.

Sera: Looks like we all had the same idea

God: *sigh* [Looks at Lucifer] Please tell me you got them something other than a cat.

Lucifer: I got them a kitten...

[Cut to Reader staring blankly as they are surrounded by cats]

Reader: *Inhales* THIS IS BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!

[societalenemynumberone]

Imagine being Lucifer's older sibling

Like, you're a Cherubim (cause some Cherubs have different roles so you would be way stronger and better than the ones in Helluva Boss) who's been kinda kept from present-day news cause you've been chilling in the Garden of Eden protecting the Tree of Life and training other Cherubs

Then Emily invites you to Charlie's meeting as a council member and you go but you have no idea what this meeting is about so other council members have to constantly be keeping you up to date on what everyone is talking about DURING the meeting

"Ok, so that's Charlie Morningstar-"

"Morningstar?"

"And her girlfriend, Vaggie. An ex-exorcist-"

"An ex-exorc-What??"

"And they're here to prove sinners can be redeemed-"

"Ok...But why is everyone singing???"

"Well-"

"And is that the fucking first man????"

And you'd have to have Hell and Lucifer and Lilith and Eve and Adam all explained to you but all you really hear is that you have a niece that you never knew about

So you go down to Hell just to meet Charlie and see Lucifer. And Charlie gets all excited to have an unfallen angel on their side so she explains the hotel to you but Lucifer would be showing you all his ducks at the exact same time-

Even though you were kept from any news outside of the Garden of Eden to keep you from being unjust, I like to imagine that you have the most Deadpool personality of all time

[societalenemynumberone]

Deadpool quotes but with my Lucifer's older sibling!reader idea-

Reader: [First day in Hell, in the middle of a fistfight] Have you seen this woman?

[holds up a bad crayon drawing of Charlie]

Sera: You've been warned, Reader. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will be coming with us

Reader: Look, Sera, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now

Alastor: Do you have off an switch?

Reader: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?

Reader; [after finding out about Charlie's existence] You're clowning. You're not clowning? I sense clowns

Charlie: Feeling a bit lonely?

Reader: Only sometimes when I'm by myself. Or other times when I'm with other people.

Reader: [First ever conversation with an awe-eyed Charlie] You're probably thinking, "My dad said that his older sibling is the second most just being in all of creation, but his sibling just turned that guy into a fucking kabab!" Well, I may be just, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, that was a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is, a platonic love story.

Reader: [to Sera] Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners in the Lord's Kingdom with some creepy, [points to Adam] Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, [points to Emily] I'll send her shiny, happy ass a friend request

Reader [Helping in the second extermination]: Daddy needs to express some rage.

[starts firing their guns]

Reader: Listen, Angel, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the hotel - right next to the answer for getting out of a soul contract. Good luck.

Angel Dust: [Grinning] You fucking asshole

Alastor: Morningstar!

Reader: How can I help you? Besides luring women into dark, creepy basements.

Reader: [Just learned how to use a phone, looking at a text from Angel] What is that?

Husk: That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long

Sera: I've given Reader every chance to join us but they'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child. When will they grow up and see benefits of joining the Angelic Council?

Emily: Which benefits? Commiting genocide for amusement? Or the Angel that falls every few decades?

Sera: Please, falling out of Heaven builds character

Reader: Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing. Wait for it...

[Lute jumps from the platform and lands]

Reader: [clapping their hands] Whoo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees

Charlie: [Stopping Reader from killing Valentino] I can't allow this, Reader. Please, come quietly.

Reader: You blonde cock-gobbler!

Charlie: That's not nice.

Reader: You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that squeaking bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt.

[a dead body falls off an overhead building]

Reader: That guy was already up there when I got here.

[societalenemynumberone]

I can't draw but if I could I would draw Deadpool!reader with Lucifer or Charlie it works with either of them