#my middle school hyperfixation has come back to haunt me

[bramblesthatcat]

i know im not a steven universe blog but youtube knows i used to be a mentally ill middle schooler so i got recommended a bunch of SU songs and now i've binged the show again + movie + future and idk here r some of my SU opinions/hc bc fuck it why not.

opinions/thoughts

i totally think the Diamonds were redeemed way too quickly, and rewatching season 5 made me realize how god awful the pacing of that season was. they really needed a season 6 or like, split 5 in half idfk

obviously theres a difference between redemption and forgiveness, but I really wish that SU:F focused on that more bc it would've been a great internal conflict for steven but we only get like an 11 minute episode based on it (and yeah u could say that steven having mommy issues in Future is basically that but imo mommy issues r different than diamond issues)

pearl has the patience of a saint bc if my magical girl literal goddess of a gf/situationship left me for the 90's equivalent of a soundcloud rapper id never stop raging (yes this is partially a copypasta of that one tweet but they hit the nail on the head fr)

rewatching the series i love pearl so much i really see my younger self in her, especially w/ how autistic coded she is in regards to her feelings/emotions

i love seeing the different classic manga/anime artist styles reflected in each of the diamonds, like pinks design is so sailor moon vibes

steven shouldve flipped his shit before Future like, at least 6 times

headcannons/silly lil ideas

i like to think after SU:F and he's had time to heal, steven tries to connect with the diamonds and not run from/suppress that part of his family, like he's not gonna be 100% w/ them but he tries to at least accept it

steven also connects with greg's side of the family! idk I like to imagine he spends a lot of holidays with them to catch up on all the ones he missed

steven spends his summers in beach city and every other part of the year he dedicates to travel (idk he never seemed the type to settle down anywhere for long, and i fw the wandering nomad type)

steven grows his hair out as he gets older, like young-greg length (long haired men > literally any other hairstyle), despite the length it stays curly

once steven begins to accept/cope w/ being part diamond, he lets his hair go pink (either by dyeing it or magic, take ur pick) with the mentality of "im reclaiming this color from my mommy issues, also i look cool af" (this hc is mainly based off of how I like steven's pink hair in Future. style was first, lore was second lol)

post-Future steven is 1000% more willing to throw hands and lose his shit but in like a coping way bc he knows if he keeps it pent up it'll be 10x worse

steven definitely starts one of those van life style tiktok accounts and has a bunch of cats as his van pets

[eldritchsurveys]

725.

Do you have any allergies? >> Nope.

Do you have any hormone problems? >> No.

Do you take any medications daily? >> I take the Pill daily and also CBD, which I’m basically using as medication.

Do you take vitamins? >> No.

What languages do you speak? >> Just English.

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? >> Maybe.

What's the best thing that's ever happened to you? >> ...

Have you ever thought you were going to die? >> Yes.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction scare? >> Nope.

What bones have you broken? >> None.

Do you wish you had the power to switch off and on your emotions? >> No. I wish I had the power to deal with my emotions in a healthy fashion.

What are some news stories that have stuck with you? >> JFK Jr’s death happened when I was like ten years old or something, and for some reason that stuck with me. I remember drawing a picture of some kind of flower, like you’d put on a coffin, while the news report was playing. Some shit just hits weird when you’re a kid, I guess.

Have you ever been in extreme pain that you would rate a 10? If so, what was it from? >> I’ve always had really bad period cramps, bad enough that I would just straight up lose all sense of myself for hours because the pain was so bad that my brain just checked out. It’s one thing when that happens at home, but in the middle of the day in high school? (The hallway to the nurse’s office felt eighty miles long. I always had to get picked up early.) While I’m at an appointment? (Ended up on the floor of the bathroom stall, probably sounding like a dying cow. Someone called an ambulance.) While I’m walking down Bleecker Street? (Laid on the sidewalk for an indeterminate amount of time, like laid out.) So, you know, I don’t know anything about a pain scale, but that definitely is the worst physical pain I’ve known, and partly why I take the Pill.

Have you ever given birth? >> No, and I never fucking will.

What's the highest fever you've ever had? >> I don’t know if I’ve ever had a fever.

Have you ever gone to the emergency room? >> Yes.

Have you ever coughed so hard you threw up? >> Nope.

Have you ever had cramps so bad you threw up? >> Yeah, that would happen sometimes. More often when I was younger.

Have you ever made anything out of duck tape? >> No.

Do you like palazzo pants? >> I don’t know what they are and don’t feel like googling.

Would you travel to Paris if given the chance? >> Sure, why not. It’s not a high priority but I wouldn’t turn it down.

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? >> Hm.

How old were you when you first encountered God, if applicable? >> I don’t think I’ve ever encountered the god that is insinuated by this question.

How old were you the first time you felt loved? >> As I am now, I don’t know what that feels like, so I can’t figure out when I’ve felt it in the past.

Were you abused? >> Yes.

Does inequality bother you? >> I mean, sure, sometimes.

Who was your favorite teacher? >> ---

Did you ever want to be a teacher? >> No.

Do you look good in brown? >> I am brown, and I think my skin looks wonderful. So I’m sure clothes the same colour would look just as good.

Do you prefer crosswords, word searches, or sudoko puzzles? >> Crosswords. Word searches can be good when I want a simple game with a guaranteed completion.

Are adult coloring books tedious? >> Colouring can be a tedious activity in general if you’re not in the mood for it, but I don’t think adult colouring books are any more or less tedious than any other kind.

What do you do to relax? >> I don’t do anything specific.

Do you live alone? >> No.

What's your favorite place you've lived? >> Hm.

Did you ever think your house was haunted? >> I believed there was something hanging around an apartment I lived in back in 2009.

Do you believe in auras? >> I don’t have any opinion on the concept.

Have you ever seen a spirit? >> Probably.

Do you have any food intolerances? >> I’m personally intolerant to bananas, but that’s more mental than physical.

Do you like camping? >> Yeah.

What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? >> *shrug*

What's your favorite place to go on vacation? >> New Orleans.

Do you enjoy rainy days? >> Sure, sometimes. More than I enjoy snowy ones, that’s for sure.

Do you own anything chevron print? >> No.

Ever thought about starting a business? >> No.

If you were to start a business, which kind would you start? >> I’d really rather not.

Do you have weak shoulders? >> Er... no? I don’t think so?

Are you more masculine or feminine? >> I refuse to participate.

Do you like unisex names? >> Sure.

What are some of your favorite unisex names? >> The way I see it, any name is unisex if you try hard and believe in yourself.

What are some of your favorite current fashion trends? >> I’m not sure what’s trendy right now. Fast fashion makes it impossible to keep up.

Do you like skinny jeans? leggings? jeggings? >> I don’t like any of these, really. On myself, I mean. I don’t like the way they feel on my body. On other people, absolutely fine.

Do you collect anything? >> No.

What exotic pet would you own if you were rich? >> I don’t want an exotic pet and I don’t want to be rich.

Did you want to change your name when you were younger? >> I’ve been changing my name since I knew how to speak, so.

Do you like your first name? >> Yes.

Are you named after anyone? >> Just myself.

What does your name mean? >> It’s uncertain.

When you're sick, do you look up your symptoms on the Internet? >> If I was sick and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, then yeah, I probably would.

Are you a member of any online support groups? >> No. But that suddenly reminded me of a forum that used to be online when I was a teenager/young adult, Recover Your Life. I was on that for a while. Haven’t thought about that in years.

Were you ever on a dance team? >> No.

What event in history do you wish you could reverse? >> ---

Would you rather have been born in a different era? >> No thanks.

Do you like being a millennial? >> I don’t care? It doesn’t mean anything to me.

What year were you born? >> 1987.

What are your initials? >> MSD.

Would you ever preach a sermon? >> No. I’ve entertained the idea, lmao (mostly because I have a thing for men of the cloth and I’ve wondered what it’d be like to be the object of my fixation), but no, it’s not a thing I’m actually interested in doing.

Do you pray regularly? >> No.

Do you have any good luck charms? >> No.

Do you make wishes on anything? If so, what? >> No.

What do you do when you can't sleep? >> Read. Unless it’s because of caffeine, and then I just flop around and try to stop hyperfixating on my heartbeat and probably cry out of frustration.

Do you enjoy sunrises? >> Yeah.

Are you more of a morning person or a night owl? >> I like the morning. I like the nighttime, too, but being awake at night ruins my ability to be awake in the morning and I don’t care for that.

Is your life boring? >> Sure, sometimes. Better for me than the alternative, I think.

Is your life hard or easy? >> It’s easier in some ways and harder in others. But the ways in which it’s hard now are vastly preferable to the ways in which it was hard before. It’s a struggle I accept.

What can you do to make your life more adventurous? >> I don’t want to make my life more adventurous, though. If I wanted to, there’s all kinds of shit I could do, I’m sure.

Do you live in the moment? >> Where (when) else am I going to live?

Have you ever had food poisoning? >> Yeah.

Have you ever had sun poisoning? >> No.

What do you do when you're bored? >> “Boredom” for me is understimulation, so it doesn’t really matter what I do, it won’t go away until it damn well pleases.

What makes you come alive? >> *shrug*

Are you ashamed of anything? >> *shrug*

Do you like going to the dentist? >> Fuck no.

Do you wear glasses? >> No.

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? >> ---

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? >> ---

How tall are you? >> 5′5″.

Would you ever want to live in a castle? >> No. That’s a lot of upkeep.

Have you ever been to a Chinatown? >> Yeah, many times.

Do you like snow? >> Eh. Not really, not anymore. It’s pretty for like ten minutes.

Do rainbows excite you? >> No. They are pretty, though.

What part of nature fascinates you the most? >> The nature part.

Were you born in your favorite season? >> Yeah.

Do you ever shop at Goodwill? >> I have, and I would in the future, but I don’t like to go very often. It’s just stressful for me for a couple of reasons.

Do you ever shop at the dollar store? >> Sure.

What does your favorite coffee mug look like? >> It’s white, yellow on the inside, and has a cute drawing of a cactus on it.

Do you go to Starbucks regularly? >> I never go to Starbucks.

What wakes you up? >> Either some environmental noise or just... a natural return to consciousness.

Do you like sushi? >> Sure.

What's your favorite brand of flavored water? >> ---

Do you drink iced tea? >> Sometimes. There’s a couple of brands I like.

Do you have neat handwriting? >> Eh, it’s passable.

Who's the last person you wrote a letter to? >> ---

Do you have long hair? >> No.

How many hours of sleep do you need to function? >> I mean, I can function on four, but it’s still diminished function. I prefer seven to eight.

What's the highest amount of kids you've babysat at one time? >> ---

Did you enjoy your first job? >> No.

Have you ever had a job you hated? >> Yes.

Are you an introvert or an extravert? >> Meh.

Are you behind on chores? >> Yeah, I haven’t vacuumed since Sparrow was put on furlough.

Are you struggling? >> I’m always struggling, bruh.

Do you need someone? >> Er.

Do you own a shirt with an elephant on it? >> I own a maxi dress with an elephant on it. It’s very comfortable.

Does gray look good on you? >> It looks fine.

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY