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#my mom she won't shut up
skythanlmao · 1 year
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*me to myself dramatically* today i choose to doodle byler *doodles them everyday*
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quintessentialquincy · 7 months
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this is what trying to talk about classic who feels like
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carlyraejepsans · 1 year
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don't you love (hate) being at your relatives' and trying to write with no headphones (pure hate) while having to hear your family talk shit about you (blind fucking hate) out loud in the other room knowing perfectly well you can hear them (hate. hate. H. A. T. E. hate.)
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lesbianlotties · 7 months
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heartbreaking news. the character you hate the most is doing the worst things imaginable but the actor playing him is giving a great performance </3
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anirudhpisharody · 1 month
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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da-proti-toku-grem · 2 months
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feeling like a total asshole today 👍
#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night#i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know#so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD#but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying#and i felt absolutely nothing#idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel#like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just?????#that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car)#and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow#and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago#i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back#not right now#not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week#but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go#and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now#and all i can think about is that i'm anxious#i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know#i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it#bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has#but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality#why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain#like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings#i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it#i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it#i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly#so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language)#is easier than talking in spanish#and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind#but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/#i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit
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Can't believe I'm still stumbling across exclus in fuckin 2023 im so tired.
#No cops at pride includes exclus (and terfs)#Like who made you the queer police shut the fuck up#Identities aren't toys#People will identify themselves where they belong#Some aspec folks won't identify as queer and that doesn't invalidate those that do#It feels like the diagram of queer folk who accuse others of wrongfully identifying as queer for social cred or whatever#And people who want being queer to be some cool kids club by excluding the people they don't like is a circle#Like it's all fucking projection#You don't know others experiences! You don't know why someone comes to the conclusions they do about their identity and you don't need to!#Like I'm sorry that when I came out as ace my mom called me a sociopath and when I came out as lesbian she said 'oh thank god'#But that's just how it was for me#If being marginalzied/discriminated/hated is the only qualifier for being queer i would literally only qualify on basis of being ace#Because nobody has ever given me any shit about being a butch lesbian#But I have been singled out for being ace I have been called sub human for being ace I have been called mentally ill for being ace#I have had people encourage corrective rape for my asexuality I have had people tell me to get medical intervention for being asexual#But it's a good thing the only qualifier for being queer is to have an identity that falls outside cishetero social norms#Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to identify as queer as a lesbian if I suddenly wasn't ace anymore until I got hatecrimed oh no
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stormyoceans · 11 months
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wdym after mork leaves WDYM
SFJKSHFKGSJDGFJSK SORRY ANON IM SORRY I PROMISE IT'S JUST A PERSONAL THEORY AND NOTHING MORE I HAVE NO PROOF OF THIS AND HOPEFULLY IT WON'T HAPPEN AT ALL
but yeah i do feel like at some point day and mork are gonna go through a separation, however temporary it may be, and that picture of porjai and night looking less than pleased while mork and day are so happy and completely taken with each other kinda reinforced that idea (even if technically we can't be sure they're the same scene ;;;;;;). it just seems like the people around them aren't too happy about the two of them getting close, which could be for a number of different reasons (prejudice, ignorance, misguided concerns), and i think eventually it's gonna get to them, especially to mork
between feeling like he doesn't deserve day because he can't offer him any future, and thinking he has overstepped his boundaries as day's caretaker, i can see him deciding to leave. in a way this is gonna be positive because it's gonna put them on the same level, but depending on how it happens it's probably also gonna hurt them both a lot. idk if i exactly like this theory but it's one i think could be possible and i gotta admit i would love to see day give everyone a piece of his mind before going to get his man back
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stairset · 11 months
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Microdosing on having money by looking at virtual tours of apartments I can’t afford
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ariiiloves · 11 months
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Why do parents have that tendency to dismiss issues and give their "you just gotta be strong" speech whenever you try to talk to them?
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t4tbedehopmar · 11 months
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THERE'S POKEMON MUSIC IN SOUNDCLOUD AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNKW
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lokigodofaces · 2 years
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i love candy corn. i love it. and i am missing out on prime candy corn eating time because i had 4 stupid teeth that decided to cause problems.
#yeah...so...at first my recovery was fine...but since sunday it has been Not Fine#i had to actually use the painkillers sat-mon for starters. & my family has been getting stomach bugs since the day i got mine out & i thin#i have it now in addition to the wisdom teeth pain. but part of me is terrified that my gums got infected despite all the antibiotics i was#prescribed. thankfully i have a follow up appt on mon but i'm paying attention. i have a fever apparently. the problem is that i will be#doing great for an hour & then feel terrible the next hour. i went to work today feeling okay & then i wasnt. & i made it through my shift#bc i work through my pain more than i should but yeah it wasnt fun. i've been miserable all day. my back also is sore & in merchandising yo#kinda need your back. & no one knew how to drive on the way home from work so that was scary. i needed to pick my sister up so that my mom#could do something & my sister (3) wasnt having it so i was trying to go to sonic to get her ice cream & me a milk shake but google does#not know how to give me directions (lately it's directions have sucked) so i come home crying but trying not to let my sister know then i#didnt want my mom to know later despite my mom literally having a mini breakdown yesterday too like she gets it. she found out anyway bc i#was watching princess bride which i normally dont do unless im miserable#& on top of all of that i cant eat candy corn :(#if our wisdom teeth could just not exist or if our mouths could be big enough for them that wouldve been nice#liv won't shut up
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PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (2004) TURNS 20 THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bloggirl8842 · 9 months
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Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn
#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long#without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it#i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the#breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much#worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no.#i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real#picture of who anybody involved actually is.#i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther#'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee#like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again#(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i#need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling#we’re working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but#still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im#like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE#not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ‘’that poor kid’’ and i was crying#like ‘’I KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got ME’’#its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some#cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years.#i did really leave bc i was just not into it though#this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing#since like may/june#i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused#this’ll be a fun memory that i sort of can’t talk about one day
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joelsgu4tar · 1 month
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JOEL MILLER FIC RECS
⇾ 18+ minors DNI, read at your own risk! ⇽
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an appreciation to all my favourite writers out there you deserve all the love <3
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Series
— Something To Fight For by @auteurdelabre | After a disastrous blind date you decide to stay away from the miserable Joel Miller forever...
— I Know Who You Are by @punkshort | A fall on patrol causes you to lose your long-term memory, forgetting the identities of your friends and loved ones. You have to learn all over again how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and you learn things about yourself along the way.
— The One You Need by @loliwrites | When you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at arm’s length, your neighbour Joel finds his way into your life.
— By The Grit Of Sandpaper by @penvisions | An offhand comment from you inspires Joel to branch out and create helpful kitchen wares. And it seems everyone has been gifted one from him, except for you. It makes you rethink the casual friendship you had developed...
— I Wanna Be Your Lover by @shellshocklove | Miserable after losing your job, your friend drags you out to a club to dance away your sadness. on the dancefloor, you meet a handsome stranger, who then whisks you away into his fantasy world as his assistant for his porn career. what happens when the lines get blurred?
— If The Door Wasn't Shut by @heartpascal | months of travelling with Joel and Ellie come crashing down on you, the fear is suffocating.
— Stay In Bed by @psychedelic-ink | After your grandfather’s passing, you find yourself moving into his home in Texas. You meet the Millers; Tommy, his older brother Joel and his daughter Sarah. With time, you and Tommy become close friends and Sarah visits you often. But Joel…Joel keeps his distance.
— That's A Real Fucking Legacy by @wyn-n-tonic | When Tommy disappears in search of a better life with a promise to come back for you, his years of absence and the grief it leaves behind drives you and his brother closer together until the man you're sharing a bed and starting a family with is Joel Miller and not the one you always thought it would be.
One-Shots
— No Time To Die by @davosmymaster | The main difficulty of being Joel’s closest friend is not falling in love with him, but you still do. Those feelings are buried until you join him on a mission to trade supplies with Bill and Frank. With your life now hanging by a thread, Joel is determined to get you to safety, but the clock is ticking faster than he can run.
— White Lies by @poeticpascal | Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.
— Saying Thanks by @vivwritescrappythings | Joel is your grumpy patrol partner who doesn’t even talk to you in the streets of Jackson. But one night a man grabs your arm at the Tipsy Bison, and Joel’s decided he doesn’t like it.
— Soft & Sweet by @cavillscurls | You share your first kiss with the last man you ever expected: your older, grouchy, overly protective patrol partner, Joel Miller.
— Who We Are by @gracieheartspedro | Being stuck on the road with an older guy you've been crushing on for ages won't be so bad, right? wrong. because he's been pining after you, too. and one of you will have to give in eventually.
— Warm Me Up by @tightjeansjavi | While on patrol, you and Joel find yourselves caught in a treacherous snowstorm.
— Love In the Time Of Cordyceps by @sameheart-sameblood | When the world ends, you promise you'll never love again. Joel Miller makes that rule hard to stick to.
— Puppy Love by @absurdthirst | You always follow Joel Miller around, you've got his back. You're in love with him. Putting up with Tess's nickname of puppy dog, you don't realize that Joel feels for you until the end.
— Light The Flame by @yeollie-plz | Your mom moves the two of you back to Texas and attempts to reignite an old flame. What will happen when she learns his candle now burns for you?
— Best I Ever Had by @endlessthxxghts | Someone tries to hit on you on your night out with Joel, insulting your man in the process, and oh you don't like that. You blow off some steam in more ways than one.
— Make A Move On Me by @freelancearsonist | You've been teasing Joel every day since he started remodelling construction on your house. He finally works up the courage to do something about it - but not in the way you expect him to.
— Fire Walk by @motherofagony | A chance encounter at a motel has you crossing paths with a stranger in a blue t-shirt.
— Cry Baby by @psychedelic-ink | bodies have been dropping left and right in the most brutal ways in Jackson. As the relentless wave of deaths continues, your mind becomes increasingly restless. however, you find a sense of comfort and solace in the presence of Joel. who might be hiding secrets of his own.
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ctraceywrites · 1 year
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Venting in the tags because I need to vent outside of my own head and don't want people telling me how everything is going to be ok
#my cat is probably dying right now and i don't think i can help him#he's staying overnight at the vet on an iv#he's not eating or drinking#he's got liver and kidney issues#i won't know until tomorrow if there's anything that can be done#i dropped $6k already just for the tests and vet stay and other things leading up to this#that's already half my savings from the last year#I've been crying all day while also having to deal with my very drunk mother#she argued politics with me for two hours until i got a head ache#and wouldn't shut up when i tried to take a nap#we were also doing cake for my sister's birthday tonight#and no matter how many times i told my mom that by sister#wouldn't be home until HER USUAL time at 8pm after work#she kept asking when she'd be home#even called her 6 times while she was at work to find out when she'd get home#i also had to explain to her at least 10 times that we were doing Christmas presents tonight#because we're going to Ireland on Wednesday#and my cat is supposed to go into boarding because there won't be anyone here to take care of him#but i don't even know if he'll live until then#and if he does would be die while I'm out of the country#my cousin is getting married#and my dad who has severe alzheimers is in Ireland#my dad has deteriorated a lot this year and my aunt keeps saying he might not live much longer#even though the nursing home staff don't seem as concerned#ny aunt does exaggerate things and I'm sure my dad isn't as bad as she says#but what if he is#and i stay home for my cat#is that better?#is that worse?#i am not ok
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