#my moot whomst posted something similar defo broke the dam in my brain leading to this

[misty-missdee]

Thinking more on the "was always a woman" trans ideology, which is totally fine, but never fit my view of myself in my personal journey.

My unfortunate truth is that I lived 25 years fully convinced of the idea I was a "man", and I always would be simply because "thats how it is". Perhaps more accurately it never occurred to me i wished to be a woman until it finally did. Looking back with retrospect sure there were plenty of signs and hints I was transgender, but that doesn't change the fact of my history.

I was a boy, and I tried my best to be a "man". When I realized that wasn't what I wanted I then tried my best to distance myself from that entirely, because I was under the impression that thinking too much about the before times was "not doing it right". Since I personally could never feel like I was always a woman.

Once I realized i was trans i tried my best for the first several years to forget my past. Forget everything that he did. Forget everything he was. It didnt feel good or healthy, but I foolishly thought I needed to.

Thankfully I'm in a good place about it now. I am a lovely lady, but I wasn't always. I am a transgender woman. However I can't simply ignore the first quarter century of my human existence anymore. I felt like a boy, and I lived as a man.

He's very special to me now though, very personal. I wouldn't say I'm him anymore, but he is me. We are separate, but still one. He's in my heart. His experiences are mine. We share this body. I love him for everything he did for us. I cannot forget him, and his struggles. He worked far too hard to simply be forgotten. He paved our way for me to become a the woman of both our dreams.