#my severe anxiety around asking for help isnt being cooperative either

[corvidkidlet]

Im So frustrated (a rant about trying to get help)

I have been avoiding advocating for myself around my hip and knee pain as well as my stiffness and difficulty walking for like 5 years because I was basically told that i just needed to lose weight and exercise more (which i do need to exercise more but its hard when it really hurts to do so and also depression doesn't help) and that there wasn't anything "wrong enough" with me to actually do anything. and so ive been ignoring that it has gotten worse over time, until this year when i realized that my campus has many flights of stairs on it and i just couldnt avoid acknowledging this anymore.

So i finally mentioned it to my PCP again and he was like "why didnt you mention this earlier" (i actually under estimated the amount of time ive been dealing with this to not make him feel bad) and i wanted to say that i had and nothing positive came from it. but he sent me for x-rays and bloodwork and all that jazz and i was hoping that maybe just maybe they could figure out why my body is like this and i could get a solution. but the results came back and im apparently completely normal, so i guess im going to try physical therapy again. I really think id benefit from a mobility aid (either cane or rollator) but i dont know how to bring it up and they are probably going to just tell me that im not "bad" enough again. at this point i dont even care if my insurance covers it, i just want to know what they think i should use so that i maybe can actually get some sort of change.

and maybe im exaggerating my pain and difficulties but idk im just tired of being told that im "fine" by medical professionals with the undertone that i should just wait until i get worse before i bother them again

if anyone has advice id really appriciate it but also thank you if you just took the time to read this. I hope you have a fortuitous day internet stranger /genuine <3