#my sister does look like jackles and has lived the life of dean except I GOT HER to go to therapy

[bijoharvelle]

doing these prompts! today is “shoveling snow and working up a sweat” because jackles Did That and it’s dedicated to @thatisahotsoup because they drew this, my new fave thing

There are certain things that Dean never learned how to do. He remembers, faintly, mowing the lawn for his mother inside the djinn’s nightmare. And then there was the year he spent with Lisa, faking his way through suburban living and pretending he knew the firs thing about lawn maintenance. And now, he’s standing out on the front deck, looking out at the expanse of clear white snow that’s spread across their front lawn.

When Cas shuffles up behind him (wrapped up in a hat and several sweaters, and a blanket), he leans sleepily into his back. “It’s very beautiful,” he says, “the snow here.”

Dean smiles a little at that and takes the moment to register that, yeah, it is beautiful. It’s not just a chore to be done. The morning sky is still hazy, having only just stopped the snow showers. Their little Japanese maple has snow gathered on all the low, stretching branches. A little down the street, some kids have already suited up and gotten outside, building some approximation of a snowman.

“Thought you didn’t like the snow,” Dean teases.

“I don’t like the cold,” Cas corrects. “The snow is a singular exception to that.”

“Well, you better bundle up. We got work to do.”

Cas pulls back just enough to set him with an incredulous stare. “What would that be?”

“Shoveling. Gotta clear the front path and the stairs.” Sam and Eileen were due to come over that evening for dinner. If it weren’t for that, Dean would just say forget it, but Eileen is very pregnant and he’s not making his sister-in-law schlep through a foot of snow. 

“It’ll be fun,” he promises as he tugs Cas back inside.

“It will be nothing of the sort.”

An hour hour later and they’ve made steady work clearing a path. Dean is scooping snow out from the driveway while Cas finishes the walkway itself. A light flurry has started, barely a dusting, but Dean keeps getting distracted by the snowflakes caught in Cas’s eyelashes and the muss of his dark hair.

Maybe twenty minutes into the work and they were both peeling off their hats and unzipping their jackets. It may be frigid out, but shoveling was hard work. More than enough to work up a sweat. Cas kept grumbling about bouncing between too hot with his jacket on and too cold with it off.

“Dean?”

Dean blinks and realizes that he’s been standing still, leaning on the handle of his shovel and staring at Cas, for a minute or so. “Yeah. Just. Daydreaming.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “You better be doing your share.” He takes step forward, joking at intimidation, but his footing doesn’t catch. There must be an icy patch on the bricks because his heel flies up and Cas goes down, straight into the bank of snow that he’s shoveled up.

Dean loses it.

Through his laughter, he does shuffled over and help Cas to stand, but he doesn’t stop laughing to do it. “Oh man,” he wheezes, dusting the snow off a less-than-pleased looking former angel of the Lord. “I’m sorry, buddy, that was just... The way you just hit the deck...” He trails off into more laughter, leaning over his knees as he does.

Without a moment of hesitation, Cas reaches over and shoves him directly into the snow himself.

As Dean shouts about the indignity and tries to right himself, Cas just gives a haughty shrug. “You should show me some respect,” he says before finally putting an end to Dean’s floundering and helping him up.

“Dirty tricks,” Dean comments. He’s frowning but it’s mostly in play because Cas has a wide grin on his face, appling his red, red cheeks. “You need your hat back on, babe.” He reaches over to the steps, where the yellow-and-black knit beanie lays. Sweeping the snow still clinging to Cas’s hair first, he tugs the hat on for him. He’s sure to cover his ears that have gone red and bitterly cold at the tops.

“Thank you,” Cas says and it’s sweet and warm, his breath misting between them.

“C’mon.” Leaning in, he presses their noses together and can’t help but grin when Cas wrinkles his. “Faster we finish this, faster I can make you some hot chocolate for a reward.”

“I would like two marshmallows,” Cas declares as he picks up his shovel again.

“You get as many marshmallows as you want.” And Dean thinks of that as they power through the last bit of work. He thinks of hot chocolate and marshmallows. He thinks of how Cas’s kisses go slow and explorative when they sit in front of the fireplace. He thinks of this domestic work and this domestic life they’ve built together and how happy he is to have it.

-

@prayedtoyou • @antifacas • @valleydean • @good-things-do-happen-dean • @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you • @leftistdean • @bianca29753 • @spaceshipkat • @madronasky • @dizzypinwheel • @kayrosebee • @feraladoration • @destielangst • @destielle • @heller-jensen • @multifandommagic • @fluffiestlou • @geo-val • @top13zepptraxx • @lanaserra • @dreamnovak • @jazzbabythatsme • @lyndalynn • @organicpurplepants • @cursed-or-not • @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner • @galaxymysteryelephant • @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover • @one-more-offbeat-anthem • @keata-kaylee • @redsconfusion • @bennedict • @festivemish • @smushedmuffins • @galaxycastiel • @itsinjustbeing • @winchester-novak • @queen-rowenas

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Precious Angel

Characters: Castiel x Winchester!Reader, Dean, Sam, John (mentioned), Mary (mentioned)

Word Count: 1,735

Warnings: ANGST. Self hate, mentioned of suicide (if you squint. Maybe one line about it), seriously, this is dark and if you’re struggling with depression or from self hate and it’s severe for you, please read with caution. 

Request: Can I request a Castiel x Winchester sister imagine? Cas has been dating reader for a few months, and one day he hears her thoughts about herself in her head. And this saddens him because the girl he loves more than anything thinks so poorly of herself. So one night when she's lying in bed he comes in to hold her and says. "The things you tell yourself are not true, you are the most precious of my fathers creations." The quote will be bolded in the fic

Author’s Note: Please, if you’re suffering or need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Please seek help from anyone you’re comfortable with. 

As always, leave requests that you want me to write! Also, if you want to be tagged for future fics and for my Series Rewrite series coming soon, let me know!

@jensen-jarpad @supernatural-jackles @jpadjackles @inmysparetime0 @wildfirewinchester @deathtonormalcy56 @hallowedbecastiel @splendidcas @spnfanficpond

If you wish to not be tagged and I have tagged you, let me know and I will remove you. 

The life you live wasn't the best one. You hate to admit it but you hated yourself. The way you look, talk, laugh, feel; it was like you questioned whether or not you deserved the people in your life. Your mom and Dad were gone and all you had was your two older brothers and Castiel.

You were a Winchester but you didn't feel like one. To be a Winchester, you were supposed to be fearless, brave, and confident but you were scared, shy and a loser. Or at least to you, you were. You couldn't even get imagine what Sam or Dean thought of you.

You were born 2 years after Sam was to another woman. She didn't want you and left you with John. John always picked on you and yelled at you when you did something wrong. Dean was the perfect child and Sam, even though he left for college, John loved his boys because they were his and Mary's. You weren't Mary's daughter and that is why you thought he hated you.

You never knew your mother but she died, you found that out from John when you asked about her. Everything that happened to you, it was your fault. You blamed yourself for everything bad happened bad when something good came along, it was always blessed by Sam or Dean. Never you.

You felt like you were always compared with the boys because they were older and better than you. You weren't the best hunter or the best sister but you tried. No matter how hard you tried, you weren't good enough. You tried leaving them but you couldn't live on your own.

You weren't a good enough hunter to hunt alone. You were almost always used as bait for monsters. Time and time, always Sam and Dean told you that they loved you but you never believed them. You hated you and you assumed everyone else did.

Just like now, you were standing in front of your mirror, tears running down your face as you stared at yourself. You were overweight, your hair had split ends, you had a few acne here and there, your nails were short and stubby, your thighs were too big, your nose was too small, your eyes were too far apart and every flaw you saw in between stood out.

Castiel was the only one who didn't see them. He asked you out a few months ago and you thought it was a sick joke your brothers set up but he was genuine. At least with Cas, your imperfections went away for the moment but came rushing back in when you came back home. You loved Castiel but he could do so much better.

I don't know what Castiel sees in me. I'm fat, ugly, and my brothers could do so much better without me around. Why am I even here?

Of course, you were too chicken to do anything about it and you lived every day in misery. Of course, you laughed and felt happy but at the end of the day, you weren't happy at all.

"Y/N! Breakfast is ready!" Sam called out for you. You sighed and reluctantly walked to the kitchen. You saw Dean at the stove, cooking and Sam was by the table, reading a lore book. Castiel smiled when he came in but quickly frowned when you sat next to him.

"Here you go, kid. Enjoy." Dean handed you a plate and you stared at the delicious food.

Don't eat it, Y/N. you don't need the extra weight. Missing one meal won't hurt you.

You pushed away the plate and smiled kindly at Dean.

"Thanks, Dean, but I'm not hungry." You bit your lip and Sam look up at you in confusion.

"You love his cooking."

"I know but my stomach isn't feeling too well. Eating would make it worse." You lied. Sam nodded and shrugged, content with the answer.

"Are you okay?" Castiel said. He grabbed your hand but you took it away, not wanting Castiel to be sadden by you.

"I'm fine." You smiled. It was the Winchester way to lie about how you feel. You just hoped that they wouldn't see right through it. You looked away from Cas and looked at Sam. He and Dean were so perfect in everything they did. You didn't know how you were related to them. They got the good looks and the brains and you got trash because that is what you were.

--

Sam finally found a case and when you were all done with it, you three definitely need a drink. You haven't eaten anything in a couple of days and you were starting to feel sick. But you needed to do this if you wanted people to like you.

You and the boys were in the bar, drinking and laughing; except you. You looked at Dean to see him flirting with the cute bartender and her flirting back. You looked over at Sam to see him talking with a nice girl, smiling and laughing. Of course, they were always hit on and you were never looked at twice. You still thought Castiel liking you was a joke and any minute, he would laugh at you and break up with you.

"Are you okay?" Castiel said.

No I'm not. I hate myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Cas. Why?"

"You seemed a little distracted, that's why." Cas nodded. He had no reason to drink. He was an Angel, he didn't get drunk unless it was a lot.

Please, I'm hurting and I need help. I don't know how to stop. I hate what I see and I need your help.

"It was just the hunt. It kicked my ass." You finished off your beer.

"You did really good out there." Cas said with a smile.

Yeah right. How can you think that? I just get in the way. I'm clumsy and I get everyone hurt. Sam and Dean would be better off without me.

"Thank you. I didn't do much, really. It was all Sam, Dean, and you." You chuckled a bit.

Yeah why would I be any good?

"You were a big help." Castiel smiled but you could sense sadness in his beautiful blue eyes.

 Even your boyfriend is hotter than you. He could do so much better. You're holding him back. Just do everyone a favor and leave.

"Are you okay?" You asked, genuinely concerned for him

"Yeah I am." He said without a smile. You nodded and looked over at Dean who was making out with the girl.

Why doesn't Cas want to make out with me? We've been dating for a few months and we've only kissed a few times. We haven't had sex yet. Why would he want to see you naked? It's not a pretty picture. Does he hate me? What am I thinking? Of course he does. Everyone does.

You rolled your eyes and looked at Castiel.

"I'll be right back." You got up and walked over to Sam.

"Sam, I want to go home." You pleaded with your older brother.

"Oh, are you okay?" He asked with concern.

"No, I'm not feeling too well." You lied smoothly. He nodded and excused himself before going to Dean. You decided to walk back to Castiel and gave him a smile.

"We should go home." He nodded and got up, placing a few bills on the table. He wanted to be polite and pay for his drinks. You left there pretty quickly with only Sam and Cas. Dean wasn't going to join you.

--

The minute you walked into your room, you were in tears. You hated the negative thoughts. They always drowned you and it was always hard to breathe. You ripped your shirt off and let the tears fall freely. How can anyone see the good in you when you couldn't? How can you expect Cas to love you when you didn't love yourself?

You fell on your bed and cried in the pillow. No one understood you and you didn't expect your brothers or even Cas to come close to understand how you felt. You didn't know how long it was until you passed out from the tiredness.

"Y/N." Castiel gently shook you. You felt the bed dip and an arm wrap around your stomach. Your eyes widened when you felt the familiar hands on you but you pushed him away. He shouldn't touch you there. It was all fat and disgusting.

"What are you doing here?" You said without looking at him.

"Please look at me." He said softly. You gulped silently and reluctantly turned around. Were you in trouble? Was he breaking up with you?

"The things you tell yourself are not true, you are the most precious of my father’s creations." Castiel said, placing a hand on your cheek.

"Cas, you could hear what I thought?" How stupid were you? Of course he could. He was an Angel.

"Please, it makes me sad to hear those thoughts from your head." He said with a frown.

"Cas, that's how I feel and there is nothing you could do to change it." You did, sighing to yourself.

"There may be nothing I can do to change it but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. You mean a lot to me and it makes me sad to hear such thoughts come from that beautiful mind of yours. If only you could see what I see." Cas sighed. You got tears at his words.

You stared into his eyes when you saw them light up so they were a brighter blue than normal. You gasped when you felt his wings envelope you in their warm embrace. You looked around to see blue magic swirl around you and you felt a lot better than you have in a long time.

"You are my precious Angel and I will do everything in my power to make you understand that. You are no worse than your brothers. In fact, I think you're more special. You light up the room and when I look into your soul, it is very beautiful. It is broken but nothing a little magic can't fix." He smiled and pressed his lips to your forehead. You were crying now because you realized you may be self-conscious but you'll always have your Angel with you.

And sometimes, that's all you need.