☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina
{☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader
{☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort
{☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
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guys i think i might possibly just a little bit like submas
[image id: 12 drawings in a 3x4 grid, with each square representing a month. At the top it's titled "Hyperfixations Wrapped - 2023". Each square has a caption describing the what the drawing is about.
January's is "jat au and the telmessos <33" and depicts Jonathan Sims from tma as a scraggly angry cat. February says "its shaping up to be ingo and emmet" and shows Ingo and Emmet standing ominously against a dark background. March is "pokemon!! My trainersona/team and pokemon go mainly" and depicts Sol, a trainer oc with a sidecut, and who has a torracat named Spork on their shoulder. Spork is leaning forward and grinning widely, stealing the frame for itself. April says "ingo and emmet!!" Ingo and Emmet have shoved Sol and Spork off-frame, and are having a lot of fun being the center of attention.
May's is "ingo and emmet with a side of sol and varadian" and now Sol is pushing back at Ingo and Emmet, joined by Varadian, another trainer oc with long hair in a ponytail. June says "still ingo and emmet, with a side of varadian and sol. edged into jacke towards the end of the month". Sol and Varadian are staring down Ingo, who looks at them nervously, and Emmet, who is grumping. In the background, Jacke waves happily, clueless. July is "law of intertia au :>" and shows Ingo, Emmet, and Akari. Ingo is in the center, head bowed forward as he grips at his heart, blood trickling out of his mouth and staining his chest. Light halos him. To the left, Emmet looks at him sadly, visibly tired and worn down. His tie is red. To the right, Akari looks down angrily, red scarf covering the bottom half of her face. A spark of light shines in her visible eye. August is "Ingo and Emmet, and Stacy!! With Hisui au Sol thrown in for flavor". Ingo and Emmet stand in their usual point and call pose, except with their triplet, Stacy, standing in the middle of them pointing outwards. Stacy is dressed very similarly to Ingo and Emmet, though his coat is shorted than theirs and he has thicker gloves.
September is "Ingo and Emmet, and also Jacke :]" and Ingo is pointing excitedly between himself and Jacke, gesturing to the fact that they both frown a lot. October says "various aus (zoroark au mainly, but also loi, a81, and fr au)". In this drawing, Ingo is a zoroark who's just been caught by Elesa. She shouts loudly and points accusingly at him, holding up a pokeball as if to launch an attack on him. November's is "flight rising au and the Jubilife piano au!!" Ingo and Emmet are depicted as tundra dragons from flight rising, fluffy dragons with thick neck fur and large tusks. They still have their hats. December's is "ghost!Emmet au!!" Ingo and Emmet stand together in the icelands. It is snowing heavily. Ingo is hunched over and struggling, coat wet and weighed down by snow. Emmet stands near him, visibly concerned as he looks behind them, reaching out partially towards Ingo. Only Ingo leaves a set of footprints in the snow. Emmet is transparent and passes through the snow without leaving a trace. End id]
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hello ASP fandom
I’ve been lingering on the ASP tag for a while bc I wanted to find ppl that like the book as much as i do. I’ve seen all the beautiful fanart and whatnot. and I wanna thank yall bc I’ve been inspired to make my own post ✨! I too shall contribute to the ASP fandom too bc tumblr is the only place i can find an active asp fandom🧍
thank you and have a nice day
—
so uhm these are my designs for Finny and Gene. I drew these back when I started reading A Separate Peace in my high-school sophomore year. They’re pretty old drawings. At the time, I only drew these just to have some faces to put a name on (to help me visualize easier idk)
Well fast forward, my class finished reading ASP and I have been an ASP addict ever since.
okay im going to word vomit now
okay erm thought process of these designs:
Finny-
i tried to make him as book accurate at possible but ngl i actually i thought he was a red head before i looked up what he actually looked like. I genuinely wouldve believed he was a red head if i didnt looked it up (yes im referring to the ppl propagating redhead finny)
i gave him very sharp features and a somewhat messy hairstyle to symbolize his wild nature but also neat enough to get him by in school.
His shirt usually untucked or hastily put on. Most times he has his coat off or unbuttoned
he has some freckles and moles too YAY
Gene-
made him the most basic looking guy with the most basic features: black hair and brown eyes (okay ik his hair looks blue and u can barely see his brown eyed but i was limiting myself on colors GSSSYSHDHHSHA )
ofc i HAD to make him the complete opposite of Finny. His features are more squarish and rounder. because he always does random 90° angles out of nowhere
his hair is more neat and put together compared to Finny’s. It’s very structured to be square shaped. i like to think he uses a little bit of gel but it’s not a tight slickback. he lets his hair go loose bc he wants to follow Finny’s footsteps and be wild and free too 🤩🤩 yet he can’t help but follow the standard of having a neat slick hair and ofc follow school dresscode 🤷♀️
his fit is also more put together. he always makes sure his tie is neat and his coat is buttoned up most times
i gave him a mole :)
this was a fun one to make cuz he literally never describes himself in the book💀💀 i find that really interesting tho. perhaps it was on purpose so readers can relate to Gene more by emotion and not feel distanced by physical features
(yea i obviously put in a lot more thought into Gene’s design than Finny’s)
(i still love them both tho)
FUN FACTS YES THERE’S MORE:
honestly thought Finny was a latino and/or hispanic cuz of his tan skin. (im well aware white ppl can look tan and not be a hispanic but also hispanics and latinx could also look pale white i was lowkey a little ignorant back then 💀.) idk maybe he could have some hispanic blood 🤷♀️
do not mind the messiness and low quality, i did this in the dead of night on a note-taking app called Notability
that last note may sound absolutely unrelated BUT WAIT! I actually have a whole stock of ASP Notability doodles! More to come!! maybe…
if i feel like it…….
we’ll see
their hairstyles and clothing are based on actual 1940s styles :D it’s my favorite thing about their design especially their hair. it was fun researching and incorporating historical trends
the chair Gene is sitting on is supposed to be the Early American chair from Finny’s house! I did not put any effort into the chair whatsoever 😀
although i gave Finny short hair, I’ve come to see how good long hair Finny is
Yup that’s all for now. Thank you all who stopped by. It’s so nice meeting u guys!!
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