#my therapist was like “how tf did she not see the adhd???”

[neverendingford]

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[poppyseed799]

People are so ridiculous about people “faking mental illness” nowadays

Like I get it, there is a sudden influx of people faking disorders and such, and we should be wary of that, BUT YOU CAN’T ACCUSE EVERY PERSON WHO SAYS THEY HAVE TOURETTE’S OF LYING! It’s unrealistic that nobody on Earth has Tourette’s!!

I see people list the like 4 mental illnesses that they have and people say “ugh another person faking mental illness for attention” FOUR??? THATS NOT A LOT!!! ITS NOT UNREALISTIC!!! Especially when there’s like depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. Those things are fairly common in this day and age, PTSD could happen to literally anyone as there are many traumatic events a person could potentially get into.

And then ADHD and autism “oh that must be fake” THOSE TWO COMMONLY GO TOGETHER A LOT. IT’S REALISTIC. If someone told me they had autism, adhd, depression, anxiety, and ptsd, I would believe it because there’s no reason those things wouldn’t possibly go together. Not saying they have to, I have autism and no depression after all, but it’s not unrealistic that they would.

And things don’t even have to go together! My mom has autism and bipolar disorder. Those things aren’t connected (as far as I know?), they’re just two things a person could have, and she has them. Yet if some random NT on the internet heard me say my mom was autistic and bipolar they’d say I was lying. HOW IS THAT UNREALISTIC. Unless they think autistic bipolar ppl can’t have kids, which is another issue entirely 🤔

Another thing is when someone says they think they have something, and people instantly jump to tell them they’re faking. WHY??? “You can’t just say you have it” THEY DIDN’T?? THEY SAID THEY MIGHT??? “You can’t SUSPECT you have something, you need a diagnosis” HOW TF DO YOU THINK PEOPLE GET A DIAGNOSIS. THEY SUSPECT THEY HAVE IT FIRST. I was never tested for schizophrenia cuz there was never any reason to think I had it! The only reason people get tested for it is when they think they might have it! How is this so hard to understand?

I currently think I might have OCD, can’t wait to be told “quit faking for attention” when I’m not even claiming to have it. You don’t know why I think I might have OCD. You might assume it’s for dumb reasons and I’m just stupid, which is possible, but YOU DON’T KNOW FOR SURE. In truth my therapist (and psychiatrist) wanted to get me a diagnosis but didn’t notice any compulsive behaviors, since mine aren’t that noticeable/can look like stimming (and everyone knows I have autism). Even without a diagnosis he tried to give me therapy strategies meant for OCD ppl and described my anxieties as “OCD-like thinking”. I only googled OCD AFTER all of that and while you can say “googling disorders and deciding you have it isn’t good” FIRST OF ALL I’m not diagnosing myself and SECOND OF ALL the fact that all of the lists of OCD symptoms made me go “oh shoot” probably means SOMETHING lol. I only did it after what my therapist said anyways.

And then my mom said “oh yeah your grandfather was OCD” and I said GOD DAMN IT because I seem to have literally everything he has for some reason (idk if he was diagnosed or if my mom just said that tho)

Anyways my point is it’s REALLY annoying when people claim someone is faking a disorder with NO EVIDENCE. Like if you’ve been around them a lot or it’s one of those tiktok things so you can see a lot of what they’re doing, then maybe you could think “this seems fake”. BUT IF SOMEONE JUST SAYS “I have ADHD” THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO DENY IT.

[fitzykreiner]

lmao i keep forgetting abt this bc i keep like forcibly trying to ignore it lol. so ya earlier today my mom, who’s not been feeling well, came down and sat on the stairs and asked how far i have gotten in supergirl blah blah & then asked why i started watching it in the first place. and so i legit just stopped & smiled & said “because there’s lesbians in it. two happy, alive lesbians.” and she countered with “you know they don’t stay together, right?” (she thought this bc she hasn’t watched all the eps & i’m assuming the last one she saw is one where maggie & alex have one of their ~falling outs) which u know........is great. it’s great. thanks mom, really love u always shooting down my happiness @ something that u don’t understand, & never care to TRY to understand (re: my sexuality, my adhd, my depression, my suspicion of being autistic, my admittedly irrational fears presenting as phobias, my incapability to finish school, idk the list goes on lol) but then she also made a comment after i said that the two lesbians were alex & maggie and that yes, they are together. happily. she said something abt alex not having been a lesbian before. i don’t quite remember exactly what she said?? one, my memory is shite on a good & non-upsetting day; two, lmfao. just.......lmao. she said it in such...i don’t even know. a bad way. it upset me so much, i think i kinda subconsciously blocked it bc i really don’t remember exactly what i said and what she said. but back when i thought i was bisexual & came out to her, she was always like.....idk. trying to seem like she knew more than me abt me and that i was? idk. stupid, i guess? like she had told me a few years before that that she thought bisexual people were just confused, that they were either gay or straight. (i had a friend who said he was bisexual) and she just?? always questioned me? and made me feel like i didn’t really know myself? like i’ll never forget, one day i was driving home from my therapist appointment with her in the passenger seat (it took me 3 years to finally get my license, alright. i still only had my permit lmao) & she did her usual routine of asking how the session went & what we talked about (yikes) and i don’t remember how, i must have said something abt my sexuality, bc then she started with the whole “well you’ve never been with a girl or dated a girl, so how can u really know?” complete bullshit & i tried to explain to her, but i couldn’t really bc guess who tf is terrible @ conversation, expressing my feelings, & confrontation? this person right here! anyway, she then asked me if i thought that my attraction to girls was bc i was afraid to be naked around a guy (this was back when i really didn’t like my body), that i was afraid he’d be mean and judge me. & so i thought abt it and of course the thought of being naked with a guy grossed me out (for lesbian reasons i was not yet aware of) so i said “i don’t know? i guess that could be part of it????” and she just sat back & idk i felt like she felt a little smug, like she got me to admit my feelings weren’t real. and i don’t know, i’m probably projecting onto that moment bc i’m just so...upset and disappointed with her, it probably wasn’t as malicious as this is sounding, but. it is true that every time i come to her, excited, happy, about a thing i’ve discovered about myself, every time i’ve come to her wanting to share this thing i’ve realized, bc she is the only constant in my life & we’ve never had a typical mother/daughter relationship, it’s always been a more equal ground/co-dependent tragedy, i’ve wanted her to be elated with me & for me bc wow!! i’ve figured something out abt myself!! this is exciting!!!! she always just fucking shoots me down, & makes me so so SO upset & regret ever telling her, bc she always minimizes things or tries to ~rationalize things and basically try to get me to see that “everyone is like that sometimes” or say little subtle things that, to me, translate as “you don’t know yourself yet, you have no idea who you are/who you’re attracted to” & “i may act accepting & approving of your sexuality, but really. when are you going to stop pretending and go back to being normal?” like i know she doesn’t consciously think this stuff, these aren’t actual thoughts that go thru her head, but i think that deep down that is how she feels. bc she just...every time. every fucking time. makes me feel like shit. and when i try to disagree with her, that yes i know every one does this/feels like that every now and then, but this is my entire life, she then pulls out the comparison card between her and me. and i don’t know how many fucking times over the course of my life that i have told her i hate when she compares the two of us, that i know she does it bc she wants me to understand that i’m not the only who feels like this, or that i can do these things bc she’s done them, but that to me it just HURTS. like she ignores everything i’ve said & every time she compares us she always makes me feel stupid, or immature, or incapable. bc she had a p shit home life as a teenager and yet she went to school and got good grades and had tons of friends and took care of her mom and got a job early and paid for her own school clothes and car and just EVERYTHING THAT I’VE FAILED AT, SHE SUCCEEDED. and i know she means well but every time she does i feel like she’s rubbing my fucking face in it like “why can’t you do this???? i did it!! it’s easy!!!! you’re just too weak/lazy/not trying hard enough!” and it sucks, it fucking sucks. i love her and i know she loves me and i know that she doesn’t intentionally hurt me with these things, but she still does.