#myself(bc dysphoria combined with having to worry abt the workplace equals a no to that)
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#...............................................................#again if you know me irl dont read#...........................................................................................................................................#i ran out of tags in the other tag post#so long story short lately ive been starting to want to have a kid in the future when im financially and emotionally stable enough but i#dont see how it will be possible at this point unless i get very lucky in my job; benefits; and who i know#also sciencewise tho adoption could also work#but if im not stable enough or not able to take care of the child without causing them to worry abt their stability by my 30s then i wont do#it tho tbh it might not evn be possible at that point bc the gametes may not mature at that point bc i'll have veen on t for a while by the#then* and that's assuming i wont need a hysto b4 then#so anyway part of the reason this popped up after the not being able to understand certain social cues like i thought worry happened was bc#ive been debating whether i want a hysto or not (tho either way i cant afford it rn especially since im still paying off top surg and im#well below the poverty line so w/o financial aid i would not have been able to afford the first one b4)#it's just that id like to work abroad and if i end up having to get it over there it would probs be harder (both since jpn is more#on the conservative side and bc there are less doctors thst work with trans patients)#but since there is evn the smallest chance that i may be able to use the gametes i have in order to have a child without carrying them#myself(bc dysphoria combined with having to worry abt the workplace equals a no to that)#i dont want to get it unless i have to#im just worried that it will cause me problems later#ugggh im also frustrated i have this want bc i do not have the stability rn so y is my brain doing this now??#yeah so i ended up watching a bunch of diff youtube videos on dfab trans hystos (facts abt diff kinds; how some of them felt abt it for#themselves; pros & cons; myth debunking; postops etc) to figure out how i felt abt it and it calmed me down a bir#bit* but im still kinda anxious from all the overanalyzing and whatever all this was
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