#neil sumalinog

[wendellcapili]

On 1 April 2016, a devastating fire at the Faculty Center of the UP College of Arts and Letters resulted in the loss of irreplaceable items that held immense sentimental value to me. The destroyed items were the original copies of all my diplomas, from grade school to my Ph.D. In addition, my books and other publications, medals, trophies, plaques, and certificates were all gone in the blaze.

The fire also consumed my library, which contained souvenirs from my travels and studies overseas. Books, journals, newspapers, magazines, family portraits, photo albums with friends and students, blue books, drafts and papers of former students (since 1988!), and other memorabilia that held memories were reduced to ashes. Among the lost items were an antique narra trunk that belonged to my maternal grandmother and art nouveau narra chairs from my paternal grandparents.

The fire also claimed posters and invitations from plays where many students had been involved with theater groups like Dulaang UP, UP Repertory Company, UP Tropa, and UP Playwrights Theatre (among them, Kanakan Balintagos, Eugene Domingo, Frances Makil-Ignacio, Lani Sumalinog, and Buddy Zabala, who, with the other members of The Eraserheads, took part in Kanakan’s Manhid at Palma Hall Lobby). I also lost personal copies of invites to launch books from Anvil, Bookmark, Giraffe, Kalikasan, New Day, UP, Ateneo, DLSU, and UST publishing houses. A long table from my late father's library and sketches, paintings, and other artworks created by friends, colleagues, and former students from the UP College of Fine Arts (among them, Leo Abaya, Virginia Dandan, Neil Doloricon, Alexis Galvez, Sajid Imao, Maningning Miclat, Anthony Palomo, Annie Pacaña) were also lost in the fire.

The destruction of archival data from my research projects, as well as book gifts from mentors and friends, added to the overwhelming loss. The CAL Faculty Center, which was not just a workplace but a place of creativity and community and home to many National Artists, Palanca winners, and highly acclaimed figures, is gone. Since 2016, my colleagues and I have not had a designated physical space to write, read, prepare lectures, upgrade our expertise, and connect with students, colleagues, and guests from other academic units, universities, and institutions.

The fire's aftermath has left me grappling with unanswered questions about its cause and the extent of the damage. The absence of permanent offices and incubation spaces for CAL teachers, artists, researchers, and staff members is a bitter realization. Despite the loss, I am grateful for the memories and experiences housed within the Faculty Center, and I will carry them with me as I navigate this new chapter without a physical space to call my own.

However, In addition to the individual impacts on our work and well-being, the absence of designated faculty offices and incubation spaces since 2016 has profoundly affected the overall sense of community within our college. The lack of shared spaces where we can come together, brainstorm ideas, and collaborate on projects has resulted in a noticeable decrease in interactions and partnerships among faculty members.

This isolation from one another has created a disconnect within our college community, hindering our ability to work together effectively. As a result, our capacity to engage in creative and research projects has been significantly compromised. Without these essential spaces for collaboration, we are unable to fully leverage the diverse expertise and talents of our colleagues, ultimately limiting our potential for innovation and growth.

CAL urgently needs more than just administrative offices. We require dedicated spaces to facilitate and enhance our ability to work together, fostering a more vibrant and collaborative environment. By providing us with the necessary infrastructure and resources, we can better compete with other institutions locally and globally, ensuring our continued success and relevance in the academic community.

[shamelesscliche]

To whom I have sent the link for this post (probs Milky, Neil or Viana),

Hello, I entrust you (guys) with this online some kind of a death note because I death is inevitable and scary and unexpected so I want what I want to be accomplished. Ha sa daw. Basta feel nako mauna gyud ko sa akong inahan kay healthy to siya unya ako kay dili.

Anyway, hopefully I died of some car freak accident, and quick. I wish I didn't get raped or something because my soul will never rest. But if I really die, make sure that in my wake, I wear a black sleek dress with sleeve (because duh akong ilok itom unya akong braso kay dako jesas) but we are on a budget since dying makes people spend more you can all make me wear that black dress I always wear bahala ukay2 basta kanang pretty. Make sure I have  smokey eye make up and bad ass eyeliner. Contour my neck and nose and cheeks and of course a very dark red lipstick. Kanang ang final look kay mura kog bampira. Please make sure my legs are shaved. It will be the last and only time they will finally not grow. My nail polish should be a dark plum red color and curl my hair in those huge waves I always do.

Please only use this pictures, and place it on black picture frames (to be placed in one google drive link, but i forgot):

-Graduation pic, college kay payat ko didto.

-Me wearing the black dress

-https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10205209506342601&set=a.1387337048830.2053404.1394184502&type=3&theater

-https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202933758290322&set=a.1387337048830.2053404.1394184502&type=3&theater

-The one Ate Elisha drew with whales and all, pangayua ang original bi hahahaha.

 Ang flowers kay daisies ra gyud ingna sila daan pag announce ninyo sa fb sa haya, kanang white ra gyud ug baby’s breath para gwapa gyud tanawon tapos pagdecoration ug fairy lights para pretty akong aesthetic.

Tapos sa last day dapat nakablack tanan, ug pati sa lubong, ang maglahi ug color akong ungoon. wala koy labot sa representation sa black basta gwapo siya tanawon.

Tapos ang mga eulogy sa misa kay daghan gyud. Wala koy labot madugay basta manghilak tanan mustorya (bc I wanna be appreciated one last time), Make them wear black and place one item that they want me to carry in the after life make them tell why they chose that and even those who are not included in the list can give me stuff. I love stuff :

- Neil

- Milky

- Shaira

- Kia,  Mj, Gerne, Gwen

- Jimmy

- Viana

- Mama and Papa

- Rexor

- Miah & Aj

- Kimkim

- Jason Benian (igagaw nako na)

I have a playlist on spotify titled 'Deathbed' play only those songs on loop ayaw nang lain na kanta na wala ko kabalo, millennial ko i want millennial songs. unya para dili sum-ol pwede iplay ang 'Mushy' ug 'Huzun' playlists.

And of course, please watch movies after the prayers. Harry Potter series, Flipped, Wes Anderson Movies, Moonlight, How To Train You Dragon, Book of Life and if you run out of movies play my fave episodes of Friends (S1E1, S1E23, S2E3, S2E14, S2E22, S3E2, S3E9, S4E7, S4E8, S4E11, S4E12, S4E20, s4e23-24, whole s5,  S6E1, S6E4, S6E6, S6E7, S6E9, S6E15-16-17, S6E22-25, S7E5-6, S7E10, S7E12, S7E14, S7E17, S7E21, S7E23-24) 

Tapos if St. Peter mi, ayaw na sila pabuhata sa slideshow akong mga masscom friends pabuhata kanang with videos gyud (daghan nag stock si neil, si milky) para mas makaemote (daghan sad sa youtube kay pabida man ko). ayaw nang picture lang na pa slowmo ang transition. pero butang gihapon ug pics kanang mga katawanan kanang wala koy labot kung pangit kaayo basta lingaw ang backstory.

The only candies allowed to be given is Mentos Ice, coffee is Kopiko Brown bc my fam loves that. Food can be any, you guys can donate bc were poor.

[kaluluwakatauhankutsilyo]

Just in case

I always think that someday I’m going to die. We never really know the time of our deaths or if we’re going to die. Sooner (hopefully not) or later, we might receive a news that we have cancer or a drunk driver passes towards us. It is a scary thought but sometimes I sort of prepare for it. Sort of but really I’m not ready for it. One reason I have this blog is because maybe someday my family will miss me and I’m pretty sure they don’t know me entirely so they can go here and read my personal thoughts.

Speaking of death, I just figured, I might you know reach that may 8 thing, the day that I will express my feelings for Neil Sumalinog, someone who I find very attractive, in a way that does not care much about physical aspect but more of who he is. He’s really cute though and I really like his smile.

Even before he started working for SHS, when I heard he’s going to apply, a part of me was saying “what if I just check him out, maybe he’s someone that I can like.” So I did check him out, and I find him cute, a bit gay but then when he I got to know him and we started talking, I figured he might not be.

When he started working, I didn’t immediately have a crush on him. I find him cute but that was it. Just like all the other crushes I had (which I realized now that they weren’t), I only find them attractive. You know, average face, cute smile and beautiful eyes. But really they were not the true definition of a crush, and so was Neil.

I talked to him, got a chance to work with him for some fancy dinner but he really did not make mark to me. He really did not. He just passed by. He’s cute, I know but he was forgettable. So I haven’t really thought about him until when I started working for him for the Ignatian Youth Camp.

It was during that time that I discovered that he was a really cool guy. Well cool for me is not the usual smoker or who has street-wise credibility or who jug a case of San Miguel or who is very rich as has a great collection of cars. Cool for me is someone who cares for his or friends, who shows great love for his or her family and who has the capability to make everyone around him happy. Those were the things that I saw in him.

Some might ask (probably just three to four persons only) it’s easy to find that in every person so why just him? What makes him special? I also asked myself the same thing but I can say that of all the people that I find attractive he was the only the one who I really liked because of who he is. 

I’ve had classmates, friends, workmates that my eyes have laid upon on but I never really liked them for who they are. I only liked them because they were pretty or they were handsome but deeply I can’t really say that I like them. With him, it was different. Maybe it was rare for me to find someone that I’m attracted to physically then like him or her because of his personality as well.

When I courted girls before, friends asked me why I like them, and I’m pretty sure back then every reason I share was made up or was like formulated just to gain social approval. I just realized I never really had like legit crushes with men. I actually never imagined myself to have a relationship with a guy until now. Hmmm. Anyway. With him, I tell you, each time I’m asked why I like him, I know that deep inside what I say is true and genuine. It’s not made up and it feels like it really comes from within. Like in a deeper aspect not just from some fantasy or whatsoever.

I like him. I like his smile. I like how he loves his family and how he cares for his friends. I admire his ability to make everyone around him happy and I adore his love for films. He’s a bit adventurous as well and I like that. He actually inspired me to what I’ve become lately.

October last year, my overthinking problems went back and it lasted for two months but actually really I had that problem since 2011? I really have problems with overthinking and last year it lasted for two months I guess and I got tired of it so muuuuch I cried in front of my mom because it wouldn’t stop. I’ve done things before, horrible things and for years those things have been haunting me. So I had a breakdown, I can’t handle it anymore, my mother and sister suggested that I needed therapy, I sort of agreed but in the end I refused.

After the breakdown, the problem was still there. At that time, I was telling myself that I should try to be happy even if it’s hard. Even if I force myself, I felt like I just needed to. I needed to forgive myself and to forget that it was a problem. So, I tried to observe him and also some of my friends. I saw that one way to become happy, was to reach out and to make yourself like a center of good vibes, just like him. I also realized that I should love my family even more and I should learn how to think about others first before me (a trait that I learned from him). I also learned to open up and to share the good things in life and refrain from keeping so much to myself (one reason I’ve became more public in social media). He inspired me to explore the world really and that there so many things out there waiting to be discovered (like Netflix, lol, I haven’t really grasped the idea of it until he shared it to me). 

I’m just thinking, that maybe the aforementioned realizations are the reasons why even though I’m not certain that he’s going to like me, I have the guts to express my feelings for him and the strength to try, to try that maybe, maybe we can be together. Believe me if you’re thinking that maybe I’m trying to court him or whatsoever because of what I discovered last week, I don’t because long before I discovered it, I was already ready to try even if I think he’s straight and the possibility of him ending our friendship is huge. I just really want to try but it it happens that it won’t work out, I’ll try to be chill about it. Of course I should. It will break my heart for sure but he will still remain special to me no matter what. He inspired so much that I have to thank him for that (May 8 will be the day that I will thank him and express that I like him and that I want to try). I just realized lately that besides the artwork, bag and wallet, I think I need to make a fun and small scrapbook of him accompanied with my thoughts and feelings about him.

It’s late already and I need to sleep and I’m still sick, I guess, but I have to sleep. Dear Shievar, I hope you can stay chill. Good night.