#never forgiven Debbie never forgotten...

[allgremlinart]

if I had a scanner for my traditional art it'd be So Over (for CSP)

[curtiscroachblog]

Three 'cheers'

Word for Today written by Bob and Debby Gass

Sunday 24th July 2022

'Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.' John 16:33 NKJV

In the mid-eighties, Steven Patrick Morrissey dominated the British rock charts. Morrissey's songs had predominantly depressive themes. They dwelled on fractured relationships, lonely nightclubs and the hopeless weight of the past. In short, Morrissey was a singer who lived a cheerless life in a minor key.

How different from the life Jesus called his followers to live! On three different occasions he encouraged his disciples to 'be of good cheer'. Bible teacher Philip De Courcy calls them 'the three cheers of the New Testament'. The first reason to be cheerful is because your sins are forgiven and forgotten in Christ (see Matthew 9:2). Because of Calvary, your faults and failings will never be used in judgment against you (see John 5:24). The second reason to be cheerful is because we're not fighting for victory but from the vantage point of victory. 'In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world' (John 16:33 NKJV). And the third reason to cheer is because Jesus will be with you no matter what life throws at you or who comes against you. Like the terrified disciples on board a storm-tossed boat, he will be there when you need him. You have his word on it: 'They were troubled...But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid"' (Matthew 14:26-27 NKJV).

Peace isn't the absence of storms. It's knowing that 'nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love...in Christ Jesus our Lord' (Romans 8:39 CEV).

[marvelfansince08love]

Secret Love

Word Count: 1720 

Pairing: Tammy x Female!Reader 

Prompts “I can’t live...not without you” “Wait, say that again?” “How could you be so irresponsible?!”

Warning: Some mention of injuries, angst with happy ending. 

A/N: For anon, thank you for sending in the request! Sorry for the slow posting I’ve had a hectic week and finally got to see my girlfriend after 14 weeks! I should be posting a lot more this coming week so enjoy! :) 

Also Tammy’s husband is called Hank in this.. if you know you know. Since we don’t know what he’s called and what HER LAST NAME IS Lmao

Permanent Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome​ @natasha-danvers​

Thank you @imnotasuperhero for reading over this, a diamond always💛

I do not own this gif! 🖤

Prompts 17,18,20

"Oh, my god! Y/N, what happened to your face?!" Tammy exclaims, her face distraught at the sight of your cut up lip and bruised face as you walk through the door of her suburban home. She races forward and tenderly reaches out to touch the hot skin making you flinch away from her touch before muttering.

"I'm fine Tam, the guy got lucky and managed one good hit. I'm okay," you reassure her while gently removing her weary hands away from your face. She wrenches her hand free from your grasp and paces angrily in front of you while the others awkwardly filter into the house and head towards the kitchen area, leaving you with the angry blonde in the hallway.

“What the hell happened?!” She exclaims hands placed on her hips, a worrying frown in place. 

"Look me, Lou, Deb and Daph were out in a bar and some guys tried hitting on Debbie and Daphne, so Lou and I tried stepping in to get them to leave them alone. Turns out, some guys don't like being told to back off by a pair of "girls" and you know I bruise like a peach," you murmur, wincing slightly as the cut on your bottom lip rubs against your top lip as you speak. 

"How could you be so irresponsible?!" She exasperated wearing a hole into the floor from her pacing. You watch as Tammy's big brown eyes scan every inch of you with worry making you squirm slightly under her tense gaze. Her eyes finally meet yours and soften at your lost puppy, doe-eyed look.

"Come on, let's get you seated in the living room and cleaned up, maybe get you some pain killers. Are you hurting elsewhere?" She asks softly, gently wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you close. You bask in her warm embrace for a moment, loving the close contact before stepping away slightly realising your place.

She's married Y/N, get over yourself.

She frowns confused at your quick retreat but focuses on getting you seated and grabbing ice from the kitchen. You hear low voices arguing between one another from the kitchen area making you grin softly, knowing that Tammy is probably scolding Debbie and Lou for bringing you back in this state. ‘Ever the mother hen of the group’ you smile to yourself. 

A few moments later Tammy renters the room, alone.

"Where are the other two? You haven't sent them to their rooms, have you?" You tease trying to ease the tension, it seems to work a little as a small smile spreads across her face making your heart flutter at the sight.

God, she's beautiful.

"No, I've sent them to the bottom step so they can think about what they've done.” She jokes before continuing “I’ve sent them home actually. I’m sure I can take care of you by myself," She teases back before taking a seat on the leg rest in front of you and making quick work at cleaning your cut lip. She gently daps at the dried-up blood making you wince causing her to hush you softly.

"You were big enough to get into a fight, so you can brave me cleaning your lip." She chastised.

"Hey! I didn't just get 'into a fight' Tam. He started it, I was just defending Daph- "

She laughs out loud humorlessly and shakes her head interrupting your defence. 

"Why am I not surprised that as soon as Daphne bloody Kluger is in a spec of trouble you come running in like the knight in shining armour. That guy could have seriously hurt you Y/N." she mutters, finishing up her work. You quickly take hold of her wrist stopping her from continuing. You lean back enough to meet her eyes as she tries to avoid your gaze.

"What do you mean by that, Tam? You just expected me to let them hit on her or worse? And by the way, I was defending her and Debbie, not just her." you retort, suddenly feeling angry at her accusation. You stand up abruptly making Tammy mimic your stance, confused at your sudden change in mood.

"Why do you care so much Tam? One minute you act like you don't give a shit about me and then all of a sudden you're like this overbearing jealous lover which I'm sure your husband loves by the way.” You pause for a breath, unable to help the following words. “Speaking of, your deadbeat husband shouldn't you be out on date night or something?" You grumble all too aware of the late-night phone calls you have been receiving from the blonde lately, complaining about his lack of interest in her and the kids, always out later than needing to be with a mysterious brunette. You’d sit and listen to her worries while reassuring her through truthful subtle words while secretly biting your tongue from saying what you really think of the asshole and that she could do so much better. You, more specifically.

“Trust me Tammy he’d be an idiot to cheat on you, you’re the best thing that guy has apart from your two beautiful children.” 

“Thanks, Y/N. I appreciate you staying up and listening to me moan on,”

“Not the usual moaning I like to hear at 2am but I guess since it’s you,” you teased one late night, while lying in your king-size bed alone wishing to have the woman currently on the phone in bed with you. 

You're brought back from your thoughts by a loud scoff. 

“Oh, please Y/N. Stop being such a child!” She reprimanded making you gape at her in shock, pointing a finger to your chest.

“Me?! I'm a child! You're the one who’s acting like a jealous girlfriend right now. I mean Daphne? Really Tammy?” You dumbfounded. 

“Of course, Daphne! Ever since you joined the team last year she’s been onto you like a dog in heat, I’m surprised you haven’t slept with her yet with the way you two look at each other. And now look at you, all bruised up for some airheaded brunette.” She spats an ugly frown in place. 

“Again, I’ll ask why do you care so much?! And before you call her an airhead, remember she’s your friend too, Tammy. Besides, you’re still over here pretending to play happy families with a guy who couldn’t care less about you. So before you go judging me for my relations, think about your own first.” You retaliate instantly regretting your remark as you watch her worry her top lip while folding her arms across her chest, guarding herself. A deafening silence falls across the living room for a moment before Tammy speaks again, her voice low and trembly. 

“Of course, I care about you, trust me... I care so fucking much about you. If anything bad had happened to you tonight I… I would have never forgiven myself. I’m sorry for going at Daphne like that… that was cruel of me. You mean so much to me Y/N, ever since we were introduced on that heist last year I knew there was something there between us that connected us, you know? You lit something inside of me that made me feel alive again.  I haven’t felt like that since… for a long time.” Tammy rambles, stepping closer to you trying to reach for your hand making you step back needing the space.

“In case you have forgotten Tam, you're married and my single ass can do what the hell it wants but I choose not to go around sleeping with any woman especially my friends, Tam!  Daphne and I are just friends nothing more nothing less.” You reassure, your voice trembling slightly feeling the truth boiling inside of you. 

‘No woman compares to you,’ You secretly confess internally, huffing in frustration. 

“Well, what if I don’t like those roles very much.” She whispers, her eyes filling with unushered tears and a small sad smile.

“What are you saying?” You ask dumbfounded. 

“What I’m saying is, I’m sick of this pussyfooting around, these longing looks between us.  I can’t stay in a loveless marriage anymore. Not when I’m so in love with you,” she cups your cheek. “Me and Hank, we… we’re getting a divorce Y/N, that’s why he isn’t here tonight. He moved out last week. I’m waiting on the papers,” 

“Wait, say that again?” You demand quietly, needing to make sure you heard correctly. Your heart beats rapidly, hoping that you heard her right. 

“Hank and I are getting a divor-”

“No, the other thing.” You rushed, needing to hear her say it again. A soft smile appears on her full lips.

“I’m in love with you Y/N. And if you’ll have me, I’d like to make something between us work. I don't care how long it takes, I… I just want you.” She vows.

 Without a second thought, you launch forward just as she does. Lips clashing hard against one another as you cradle the sides of her head softly with both hands, wincing slightly from the aching pain on your bottom lip making her pull away slightly only for you to pull her closer needing to savour the moment. Her arms wrap tightly around your waist resting against your back. The feeling of those soft lips that taste of cherry chapstick makes your heart burst with love and passion for this wonderful human being that you’ve been secretly longing for all this time. 

You both pull away simultaneously leaning your foreheads against one another as you both catch your breath, you laugh breathlessly finding this whole situation surreal. 

“I can’t believe all this time and I-” Tammy hovers her slim finger against your lip carefully to hush you.

“Just promise me one thing?” She asks quietly.

“Anything,”

“Promise you won’t get into another fight like this again? I can’t live...not without you,” She teases towards the end but the seriousness behind those sparkling brown eyes speak differently, making you nod in acknowledgement placing a light kiss to her forehead. 

“As long as I have you by my side Tam, you’ll never have to worry about that.” You promise.

With those secret love confessions said and done you seal that last promise with a kiss.

[calypsoff]

Fifteen. Part 4

Making my way back down the stairs, I thought I would leave Chris to it, at times I feel like Chris gets all nervous that I am watching him do things but he seems so excited about the bedroom with that damn fire on, so I left him to it and have come downstairs. I can sit with the family for a while, if he is awake then I will be riding him, but I want him to settle in “here is us thinking you wasn’t going to come down” I laughed pulling the chair out “why is that?” Raising my eyebrow “mhmmm you know why, but is he actually going to bed?” Sitting down smiling, I am smiling because my man is funny in his own way “he is and he had the fire on” the gasps around the table made me laugh “I said the same thing, he is special. To my heart” my brothers look shocked, I don’t blame them because I was too “he’s a different breed, but I want to get to know him” Rorrey leaned over “you do!? You’ve never said that to any of my other boyfriends?” He really hasn’t “I’ve never heard my sister say she wants him to be her husband, I have heard you say love. I see how happy you are, I want to just chill with him without you staring at me, yes I asked about his jail thing but that’s just a talk. But I will” that is different for him “does he know what you got him? For tomorrow” shaking my head “he’s going to be shocked, I said there is something happening. Part one of your birthday but that is all he knows” Noella got up from the chair “baby your bump is so cute!” I spat, I stretched out “let me touch my baby” I reached over “thank you” I touched her bump “I can’t wait for my baby to arrive” I grinned, Noella knows this is my child when it arrives “tell your husband that I will go with him for that walk” she’s right, I need to tell him that “husband?” I giggled like a fool “girl, you are too in love” she walked off.

I laughed shaking my head, my family know how I am feeling because of how much I have been speaking on Chris, I do love him “lift your glass up, come on!” Leandra spat, picking up my wine glass up “this is to Robyn being a homeowner, to being in love, for us being together right now. I love y’all niggas” we clinked glasses “to y’all keeping me sane, I love you all” drinking from the glass “I see big things to come, I can’t believe that your album will be out soon, the tour? Chile, you excited?” I pulled a face “I am but, I am going to be busy, so I want you all to look after my baby, please. Like I want to know my family are there for him because I see him being around for a long time. I mean come on, I have never forgotten him since. So please, all of you here. Please help me with him, please be there for him and please keep him entertained and just get to know him, he is a really nice guy but I need you all to just be nice” I feel like I have been ranting on so much “calm down Robyn, dang. We get it, you about to whoop our asses if we don’t” Rorrey said and he isn’t wrong, I will literally not forgive any of them “you ever think he may just want to be with you for fame? Just a question before you bite” taking a drink before I answered “right, so the way I know Chris is that he is hard headed, if he doesn’t want to do something he won’t. For him to come to New York that time was a lot for him, he has really changed since being locked up because the Chris I met, he was so fun loving and full of life and you know what, I have been seeing this a little. It’s coming out of him but it did change him, he was very doom and gloom but he wouldn’t go through the heartache, trust me. You may see it, we may go back and forth with things” I know my family worries.

I am a little tipsy, I say tipsy, but I am giddy “goodnight baby” Mel kissed my cheek, I cooed out “goodnight, I hope he is awake. I want some dick” Mel and I cackled together “bitch, go away” pushing open my bedroom door laughing, the lights are low, and that fire is on, I swear this nigga is about to annoy me. Closing the door behind me, I sighed out heavily seeing Chris wrapped up in the covers, he is asleep of course “of course he is” I said to myself, let me turn that fire off. I wanted sex but I will let him have that for tonight, it is the first day. Poking my lips out, he is so adorable. He has literally folded his clothes and placed them neatly on the couch I have in the bedroom, I expected him to be a mess, but he isn’t “my baby” I poked my lips out, walking around the bed. Grabbing the remote and turning off the fire, I need to text Chris because I may not be awake and he will, Noella said she will go for the walk with him so that will be nice. I want to wake him, but I can’t, just the peacefulness, he is at peace and so am I. Leaning down, pressing a kiss to his forehead, he was actually tired, I didn’t expect it. I thought he was joking but he is in a deep sleep, not even a flinch when I touched him, I am glad he is here.

I slept like a baby, I woke up just in time to see the sunrise over Hollywood, I got to see it on the balcony. It was amazing, a blunt and that, it was the best. I am so happy, Robyn’ bed felt amazing and then Robyn was snuggling me. I am happy, I don’t want to admit it because I get scared shit will go sideways for me but I am awake early, I came downstairs and poured myself some cereal and now I am ringing Barry, he just text me so I thought I would call him and get it over with “my nigga, you died on us in the group chat” placing the bowl on the table “yo, it’s crazy. I been busy with the in laws, and yeah. Barry, Robyn’ home is amazing, I promise you. I just watched the sunrise over Hollywood, and I feel really happy. I feel relieved I think” nodding my head, I am relieved “they treating you well over there? I said it to TJ, I was like I know Robyn spoiling our boy. Did her parents like you?” I don’t even know how to work the TV on this thing so I will leave it alone “good, her mother asked me a few things, but I told her everything, I said I have a record and I just let it out. Her brothers are cool, they are very nice to me. I am happy, this is really going to be my year, I feel it” Barry cheered “yes!” he spat “I think it’s good to leave your ego at home, it’s good to let go” I feel good within myself “I am glad to hear it, I will tell TJ how you are. He was asking and I said he will call me back when he can. I am happy to hear the family is treating you well, oh and you may or may not want to know but Seiko told TJ to fuck off and she will keep the child” of course she did “you know what, shit doesn’t bother me but tell TJ to just get some sort of custody and don’t play her game. Get a lawyer involved, I am at peace in my life, if I wasn’t then I would be reckless, I would be acting out, but I am happy. I got Robyn and I am in love bro” I grinned “I can tell, so you not angry at him? All forgiven” sitting back on the couch, I jumped seeing this lady, but I think she is the chef, I think so but she waved at me and I waved back, didn’t see her come “I am not, I don’t care for her, but I think he should do it properly. She plays too many games, just tell him he needs to keep her away from me and get a lawyer, get some rights” that is the best way forward with that bitch.

Nobody is awake so I will harass the chef, she seems nice “would you like something to eat?” she asked straight away, that was sweet of her “no thank you, I had cereal. What is your name?” I never asked “Debbie, and you are Chris. Nice to meet you” she seems super busy “likewise, are you always around?” she laughed, I mean was it funny “I am with Rihanna all day every day, I go wherever she goes. I am preparing breakfast for the family” letting out an oh “that is dope, you need help?” I asked “awww no, this is my job. You can take seat if you like?” nodding my head, making my way over to the bar stool “what is it like to be hanging with famous people? Do you think wow?” she is a good person to ask “sometimes, but you get used to it. Hollywood can be a hard place, it can suck you in but if you remain humble and have a good circle, that will never happen. Rihanna is the best; she is a friend to me. She never treats me like a worker but it’s my job to cook for her, but she lets me be comfortable here” nodding my head “morning!” looking over at Noella “hey” I smiled “morning girl, you all ready?” Debbie said “yes, and ready for our walk. I am going to have something small to eat and we can go” she seems in a good mood.

The sun is really blazing down on me, looking up squinting my eyes “let’s go, I really want a Slurpee, I am craving one. I don’t care if it’s early but there is a seven eleven, I would say close but it’s a walk. You are paying though” I chuckled “wow, I didn’t expect me to be paying but thank you. For coming with me, it’s crazy how much greenery is around this home, lot of privacy” placing my hands behind my back as we walked the long drive, there is a long ass drive down to get to Robyn’ place “yes she wanted that, I think the first thing she thought of was privacy. Funny though because Robyn is fine with living hotel to hotel so when she said she is buying this home, mind you it cost twelve million we was shocked, then she called us over to meet you and see the home” I sniggered “man” I laughed to myself “I think it’s my fault, so I kept teasing Robyn. Well not teasing but I kept saying you have no home, where do you want me to stay? Why do you want me to come so that may have been the reason why, my bad” I am an ass at times “don’t be, I think she needed a base. She needs a home; she works so hard. At times I am telling to calm down, but she doesn’t. If you can help her with calming down, then good. I always knew she was destined to be something” nodding my head in agreement “I did too, she loved singing. I would always be her backing singer, I mean that is between me and Robyn, but it was all jokes, but we would be just chilling and singing. Mariah Carey of course” I am such a nerd “when Robyn would call she would say she met a boy, but are you ok with going public?” I blew out air “if I wasn’t serious with Robyn I wouldn’t do it, I know shit will be wild, so you know I am real as fuck. I don’t want any of you to think I am with her for money, it was never that, I know Robyn. Robyn is the woman I can openly say I love but, I need to get used to Rihanna, niggas lusting over her” putting my head down “and they do that, a lot” Noella spat, she isn’t holding back, she knows how these niggas are.

Walking out of seven eleven, I did pay for her Slurpee, I ain’t like that “thank you” she spat as I left the store, looking up with my slurpee in hand. Noella held her slurpee up to her phone poking her lips out “she made a nigga pay” I said in the camera walking by her, she giggled. Turning to her “Robyn won’t be happy you are posting that?” Noella shrugged “I am cropping you out of it” she winked “they won’t know but thank you. For paying anyways, long walk huh? You think we can make it walking back?” I sighed out “uhhh I don’t think so” that was a long walk here “so you going to book a uber?” I chuckled “me!? Again, I swear you costing me” grabbing my phone from my pocket as I turned around walking off slowly, Robyn has text me back. I sent her a morning text because I wouldn’t be there, tapping on her message as I walked off slowly.

Robyn: I love YOU so so so much! You made my morning with that

I grinned tapping on my Uber app “woah!” Noella said behind me, looking behind me “your tee dropped out of your back pocket” letting out on oh “thank you ma’am” taking my tee from her, placing my shoulder, I am tired after the walk and hot too. Drinking from the Slurpee walking slowly “excuse me” looking up from my phone, oh Cali girls are built different “do you know how to get to the boulevard?” she is asking me, her friends are giggling so this is a ploy. Moving the Slurpee back “no ma’am, I am not from around here” she looked me up and down “oh, I can see. You sound very country?” I laughed “Virginia” I answered “I know you birds know where you going? The hell you speaking to him for?” Noella came up from behind me, stepping to the side “oh you got a pregnant girl, oh yeah I am going” Noella side eyed them “move then” she kissed her teeth “them birds know where, they are trying it, anyways. Book this Uber, I am tired” nodding my head, Noella told then. She ran off, but Cali girls are built nice I would say so myself.

I fell onto the couch “you tired!? You asked for a morning walk and now you tired” I groaned out as I laid out, I am tired “I didn’t expect it to be that long, for a pregnant lady you are healthy” she really “well now I have a new baby daddy” I laughed at what happened outside the store, hilarious they though that “no hug, or hi!?” looking at Robyn “I am tired” I grumbled, Robyn pushed my legs down “get up, come” she waved me over “why?” I pulled a face holding my hands up, Robyn leaned down connecting her hands in mine “because I want to show you something, come” she pecked my lips “for me” I sighed out “fine, can you massage my feet” Robyn cackled “you wish, with your sweaty ass feet, come. I am waiting in the dining room” I guess I better get up “if she comes back here she going to grab your ear and drag you up” Noella has got a point, getting up from the couch. Pulling my top down as it rode up “let me see what she wants to show you, we do things as a family now” rubbing my eye as I dragged my feet walking towards the dining room “even sexy time?” I questioned “nigga please” I chuckled, my eyes is so itchy right now “annoying” I mumbled to myself, walking into the dining room “what’s up babe?” I stopped seeing everyone here “uh, did I do something?” this is awkward “son son is waiting for you, go and sit there. It’s waiting” Robyn pointed out “uh, why is everyone here?” I feel nervous now “and recording?” I pointed at Mel “nigga will you hurry up, please” Robyn stomped over to me “you are so hard headed” she grabbed my arm and pulled me along “did I do something?” I am concerned that I did.

I feel nervous now “has Robyn told y’all about this bear?” this is so cringey, she is out here telling everyone this “you gave my baby a bear of your hoodie” ok she has really told her mother this, looking up at Robyn “what is this?” I pointed “son, son has come bringing you a gift in the envelope he is holding” my cheeks are flushed, looking up at Tina as she took a picture of me “you look so scared” she is right I am “are these deeds?” grabbing the black envelope, I sighed out not knowing what to really expect “remember when I spoke to you last night, that this is part of your birthday? Well here you are, just look” Robyn placed her hand on my back, nodding my head as I ripped open the envelope “I am scared, y’all scaring me not going to lie” looking into the envelope “is these tickets? Is it for the tour” pulling them out both out, she is giving me tickets to her tour now. Squinting my eyes reading it “LA Lakers and New York Knicks” scanning the ticket “courtside!?” I shouted looking up at Robyn “happy early birthday?” she said, I gasped “no way” I shot up, she has got me courtside to the Lakers game “you being real?” I said, she nodded her head. Looking down at the ticket’s “man” placing the tickets on the table turning around “oh man” placing my hands over my face, I am in shock. Placing my hand over my chest as I turned to her “I know you love Lakers” I am in shock “you got a nigga speechless, Lakers? Courtside!?” my mind is blown “I love you so much!” I spat, walking to her as I hugged her “thank you!” I spat, I feel emotional “I am having to hold back tears, nobody has done this for me” kissing her shoulder, moving back from the hug “you and sis about to be public at the Lakers game!” Rorrey spat, I am shook. He dapped me, looking at the tickets on the table “fuck! I am really going to see the Lakers play!?” I spat; I am in shock. I wasn’t expecting that at all, she got me good “man, you got me good. I don’t deserve this, we going tonight?” I can’t believe it; I am shook.

[sinfuljoshler]

absent

word count: 830

warnings: neglectful relationship, unhappy relationship, angst no fluff

a/n: seriously, unless you like pain, don’t read this. also, to the anon who asked for stuff, this is for you. sorry it took forever. 

to say tyler was an absent partner didn’t describe what he truly was. it was not only the tip of the iceberg, but a gross understatement. being with tyler was like being a widower. josh could very easily go days without speaking to tyler. he could entertain himself, sure, but it was embarrassing to admit to his mom that his live-in boyfriend had not said a word to him the entire day.

he didn’t know at exactly what point their relationship had declined. frankly, he wasn’t sure it had ever taken off. if their relationship were a line graph, it would be a straight line. for as long as he could remember, tyler had always been like this. so unavailable, so apathetic. josh supposed that instead of being met halfway, he crawled to meet tyler at ¾.

the point in which he fully recognized just how much of a ghost tyler was, was when he realized that tyler had not been home since last night, and he hadn’t even known. tyler had made no indication that he was going out. josh bit his lip, texting tyler.

“babe where r u?”

“out y?”

josh sighed in frustration, curled up on the couch. did tyler not understand that josh was his boyfriend?

from the other side of town, tyler allowed his concert ticket to be scanned. he walked into the venue, holding up his phone to shut it off. he’d planned to ask josh to come along, since it was really his favorite band, but he’d just forgotten. not to mention, he’d never purchased a second ticket anyway.

“please tell me what ur doing”

“at a concert ttyl” was all tyler felt the need to type out before he shut his phone off.

josh bit his lip, tears welling in his eyes. how could tyler care so little that he wouldn’t bother to even call, or tell him beforehand? josh choked back tears, shoving his phone in his pocket and going to bed in the guest room with the door locked up tight.

when tyler finally made it home, the house seemed almost unwelcoming of him. normally the house smelled like warmth and spices from josh’s candles, the soft glow of the lamps welcoming him after a late night. josh would be curled up on the couch on his phone. tyler would sit next to him comfortably, maybe curl into his side.

tyler was never much of a talker. he preferred to express his love in other ways, but he could see in the passing glances he shared with josh that josh was hurt by it. tyler had long since forgiven himself, reassured in the fact that he paid for anything and everything that josh wanted. josh wanted very little, which made expressing his love harmless and easy.

this night, the lights were all out, the house smelling almost stale. tyler shrugged it off, eating leftovers from the fridge and making his way upstairs to bed. the bedroom was spotless, as josh liked it, so spotless that not even josh himself was in it. tyler sat on his bed, unlocking his phone. he expected josh to be here, if he was nowhere near him at any other time.

“are you out?”

there was no answer, but the soft shifting from on the other side of the headboard indicated someone was occupying the guest room. tyler’s brows furrowed, and he approached the guest room door. he could faintly hear someone talking. josh.

“i want to leave. he doesn’t love me, and i don’t think he ever did. i think he just wanted someone around so he wouldn’t be alone. i’m like a decoration to him, deb.” josh softly sobbed into the phone.

his chest burned, clenched like an angry fist. debby spoke soothingly to him, advising him to try to work the problem out. it would be a huge change moving out and separating his life from tyler’s. there must be a solution.

“i just want to be loved, that’s all i want!” he cries, gripping his pillow from underneath with his opposite hand.

a deliberate knock on the door made him sit up. he hung up on debby without explanation, standing up. he opened the door nervously, fully aware he was a mess of scrunched curls and tear-stained cheeks.

“josh, what do you mean you want to leave?” tyler said, arms crossed.

“tyler, when is the last time you spoke to me?”

tyler shrugs nonchalantly, “maybe yesterday, why?”

“yesterday morning. you didn’t even tell me you were going to see my favorite band, without me.”

“how’d you know?”

“i looked on your laptop.” josh crossed his arms.

tyler bit his lip. “i forgot to ask you, that’s all.”

“go to bed, tyler.” josh closes the door.

tyler presses his forehead to the door, biting his lip as tears fall from his eyes. regret flows through him. how could he be such a disappointment to josh? and where would they go from here?

[mcrderess]

hc + fear

╳ ╴ send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character. ;

Carol runs the block on fear. That’s really clear. She runs it on fear as it’s the only way she can demand control. If you have them under intimidation and fear for their lives, you can get pawns to do anything, that was a lesson she learnt very quickly. She learnt it through intimidating a girl to do her will after she snapped at her, grabbing at her arm and getting in her face. This scared the hell out of the unknown inmate and Carol realised the power the infamy of her crime had to play. Through this, she climbed through ranks to become top dog of C-Block after she was transferred.

Due to fear working, Carol works with it. She works with it and continues going as it’s the only way she knows how to keep her gang, she doesn’t exactly know how to keep a gang with her like Barb does. There’s a select few who she doesn’t keep around by intimidation and instead they stay because they want to–some dub it Carol’s inner circle, those who gained her trust through mutual enemies or years of loyalty to the murderer. Problem is, Carol generally does not recognise that–however there are a few exceptions.

Sometimes, Carol wished she didn’t run the place on intimidation. She hears stories of people transferred from D-Block to hers, of people wishing they were back in the kind arms of Barb who took care of her mob. However, the moment she starts to soften, her leadership is put to the test and it’s back to fear. It’s the only way she knows.

How does she strike fear in her older years?

Simple. She’s rather sly about her methods of punishing those who turn against her. The top dogs–Madison, among others, inflict all the damage. Carol does none of the work herself and it’s clear through the actions she takes post-Frieda. She used to handle the situations herself, take them into the secret spot behind the library and choke them on jawbreakers or find a way to harm them in some way just enough so that they will never forget. Usually it’s a spectacle. Madison or whoever carried out the punishment generally broadcast it throughout the cell–publicly humiliating the prisoner in question in the process. Fear rules C-Block and Carol is the queen of it.

Despite this, Carol herself has fear. She was a junior in high school when she killed Debbie. She only truly knows prison life and what prison life has taught her is that when you fuck up, you fuck up for life. Any strife is never forgiven, no betrayal is ever forgotten. And truly, the fear of messing up clings onto the murderer.

[avidreaderreviews]

⭐️CELEBRATE LIT BLOG TOUR⭐️ None So Blind Chautona Havig Released: September 29, 2013 Genre: Contemporary 📌BLURB📌 Dani and Ella Weeks–two women who share one thing in common. The same life, the same family, and the same body. When Dani wakes with no knowledge of who or where she is–no memories of her life at all–David and Dani Weeks discover that “til death do us part” takes on an entirely unexpected meaning. Practically speaking, Dani died. But she didn’t. What’s a gal to do? In a desperate attempt to separate the old life from the new, Dani insists on a new name, a twist of her old one–Ella. Ella’s doctors can’t explain what happened. Her children can’t understand why she doesn’t know them. David, her husband, finds himself torn between admiration for the “new” version of his wife and missing the woman he’s known for over fifteen years. Will Ella ever regain her memory? Why does their pastor suspect it’s one great hoax? ***************************** 📝REVIEW📝 "None So Blind" (Sight Unseen) (Volume 1) by Chautona Havig What if you woke up tomorrow and couldn't remember anything about your past, who the people around you are, the place you are residing, and how exactly you should look? There are no answers as to the cause of this sudden memory loss, although similar symptoms occur from head injuries. There is no cure, at least as far as anyone knows. Suddenly you are rebuilding your life, learning to do things over, learning to trust yourself and others around you, learning to be comfortable in your own skin. Becoming someone you and other people like better than your previous self. Experiencing "firsts," because you don't remember having been through them before. What would you do if this happened to you? Chautona Havig has written a truly wonderful novel about a woman who goes through the above. She writes of her struggles and accomplishments. She writes of her worries and gains. Her trust issues as they falter and improve. She writes of the story of Ella...a strong and magnificent character who brings this novel alive, as do the other individual in the novel. There is a psychiatrist that may give you the creeps (I disliked her from word one and didn't trust her). A church leader who has great guidance and suggestions, while also faltering at times given the odd situation. Friends and neighbors who want to be supportive but are also curious. And of course a husband and children who have to walk this new path with her, while hopefully not losing her. I loved Ella and the joy she brought to her family and how she made her own way little by little. I loved that she had her own style and way of looking at things. The joy she brought to her family, even when she had personal doubts. I loved that she found her own way...back to herself, her family, her friends, and her support system. She is an honest and truthful character. The others are realistic and believable. The situation one plausible, albeit potentially not in this odd situation. It is just a truly wonderful, engaging, and interesting novel. Honestly, I believe both men and women would find "None So Blind" a great read. I know I sure did, both times I read it. Rating: 4.7 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ***************************** 🤔ABOUT THE AUTHOR🤔 Chautona Havig lives and writes in California’s Mojave Desert with her husbnd and five of her nine children. Through her novels, she hopes to encourage Christians in their walk with Jesus. 🔖GUEST POST: CHAUTONA🔖 “Who are you, again?” “I’m Joe’s, daughter. Vyonie.” My sister pointed to me. “This is Chautona.” For some odd reason, the niece she spent the least amount of time with, Aunt Doris remembered—somewhat. But she didn’t remember Vyonie from what I could tell. She smiled at me, that amazing, sweet smile I’d never forget. She asked how I was. I always thought that Mrs. Sanderson—mother of John, Alicia, and Carl on the TV show, Little House on the Prairie—looked and sounded like Aunt Doris. Of course, that memory of me didn’t last. A minute or two later, she gave me a big smile and asked if she knew me. It gave me a picture of what it must have been like for my character, Ella Weeks—to wake up every day with these children there—children who knew her, but she didn’t remember. The hurt she caused every time she had to struggle to admit she didn’t know something she probably should—again. So, I thought I’d ask her to tell us about it. Ella: People often assume that the worst part of losing my memory are the memories that disappeared, too. But it’s not. A much as I’d love to remember my wedding day, my daughter’s first steps, my son’s first words, or that moment I realized I was pregnant with my third, those are blessings that I don’t think about often. No, what hurts most is seeing the pain in my children’s eyes when they need me to remember something and I can’t. For me, not remembering their first day of kindergarten is an inconvenience. For them, it’s a further reminder that if they didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t know them. That without them pushing themselves into my life, I wouldn’t care about them any more than any other human in my path. I do now, of course, but not at first. I hate that they heard David say once, “…she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t know our children. She tries, but she could walk out of our lives tomorrow and never miss us.” Living so close to it every day, I missed those little bits of pain that I inflicted without meaning to, but when I went with our Bible study to a nursing home and visited with the residents, then I saw it. Women with tears running down their cheeks as loved ones patted their hands and tried to comfort. I heard one man offer to find a woman’s father. She squeezed him close and whispered, “It’s okay, Daddy. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The man promised to try to find her father in the meantime. Those people there—most of them didn’t realize they didn’t remember someone important. They didn’t struggle to remember this or that. Their dementia had gotten bad enough that their lives had gone from constant frustration to, by comparison, blissful oblivion. And their families withered with each forgotten face, name, moment. That’s what my “episode” did for my family. It caused them pain that just resurfaced every time something new happened. Pain that I didn’t know I inflicted. And since that visit, I have a greater compassion and awareness of just how amazing and powerful memories are. I also have a greater appreciation for those beautiful words in Isaiah when the Lord promised… “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.” You see, there’s a lifetime of the sins that Jesus died for buried somewhere in my brain—or, at least at one time there was. I know that those sins were in there, because the ones I committed yesterday are there today. The ones I’ve already confessed and been forgiven for—I beat myself up for the next morning. A week later. A month. But the Lord has wiped them clean. I just keep smearing them back out there again as if to say, “But You don’t get how BAD I was.” Yeah. The arrogance, right? Because an almighty, holy God can’t possibly understand how sinful a sinner that He had to DIE to save from those sins… is. The arrogance? That’s an understatement. But all those years before that horrible morning… gone. Maybe I stole something. I don’t know. It was forgiven, wiped clean, and then wiped from my memory. I can’t rehash it with the Lord over and over. I can’t drag it back up like a wife who won’t let her husband forget the one time he forgot her birthday. I can’t use it as a whip to beat myself up with. And I think there’s something beautiful in that. Do I wish I could stop hurting my family with my blank past? Of course. But am I also grateful for a living picture of the fresh start the Lord gives His people at salvation? Definitely. I hope I never take it for granted again. ↘️ Blog Stops ↘️ June 15: Blogging With Carol June 15: Genesis 5020 June 15: Lane Hill House June 16: Red Headed Book Lady June 16: The Scribbler June 16: Moments Dipped in Ink June 17: Back Porch Reads June 17: The Power of Words June 17: Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations June 18: Carpe Diem June 18: A Baker’s Perspective June 19: Christian Bookaholic June 19: Quiet Quilter June 20: The Fizzy Pop Collection June 20: Mommynificent June 21: Seasons of Opportunities June 21: Truth and Grace Writing and Life Coaching June 22: Pursuing Stacie June 22: Remembrancy June 23: Pause for Tales June 23: Avid Reader Book Reviews June 23: Book Bites, Bee Stings, & Butterfly Kisses June 24: Bigreadersite June 24: CAFINATED READS June 25: Lots of Helpers June 25: Ashley’s Bookshelf June 26: Blossoms and Blessings June 26: A Reader’s Brain June 27: God1meover June 27: His Grace is Sufficient June 28: Just Jo’Anne June 28: Henry Happens June 28: Reader’s Cozy Corner 🎉🎉🎁🎁Giveaway🎁🎁🎉🎉 To celebrate her tour, Chautona is giving away a grand prize that includes: 1 $25 Amazon Gift Card 1 Paperback Copy of None So Blind 1 Paperback Copy of Will Not See 1 Lampwork Necklace 1 Cool denim mini-backpack (to hold your stuff!) 1 Custom Travel Mug (with quote from book) 1 FREE eBook code to share with a friend! Click below to enter. Be sure to comment on this post before you enter to claim 9 extra entries! https://promosimple.com/ps/ba35 📽 VIDEO📽 https://youtu.be/5K_cTjlg4S8