#never in a million years did i think he'd still be here EIGHT YEARS LATER when i'm THIRTY

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

having a really old dog is just repeating the mantra to yourself "i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let him go i will do so gracefully. i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let wait why are you not pooping normally WHAT IS GOING ON WHY WON'T YOU POOP ARE YOU DYING" and then calling the vet in a panic, being told actually he's fine but give the probiotic some time to do its thing and then let us know if anything changes, and then you take a deep breath and go "cool. yeah. obviously he's fine. anyway. i am grateful for the time i've been given and

[beast-feast]

Every now and again I just think about what happened. And how othering it is. You don't just get raped by your cousin, who tricked you into thinking it was okay because he said he'd done it with his much older sister too. Why did he know what a condom was at 9, and why did he show me how to use it? Why go through all of that when you only did all of this because we were home alone?

I was always scared of him — I never liked boys who got in my bubble and touched me. That's just always been a thing. I genuinely don't know if he made it worse or not. There's a lot I don't know because that happened. I consider it a blessing that there was a condom involved, but really it isn't. It's a constant game of "would it have been better with or without" because on one hand, I dodged a tactical nuke. On the other hand, I now sit wondering what that nuke would've felt like if it had hit me.

I like to think I've moved on. And I have, and I know that healing isn't linear, but so much feels like it keeps happening to make me doubt myself. I remember it so clearly, I can feel everything and I remember everything about it, where I was, why I was there. I think. It all went by so fast. But eleven years later and it still keeps clinging on to me.

I don't know if it's because I realized what happened to me that made me this way, but all I can feel is bitterness and anger. So much is stored inside me that I can barely contain it, but I would never, ever in a million years wish to bring that anger out on someone who didn't deserve it. I never want to see him again, but I also do just so that I can feel justified for what he did. And maybe bring myself the closure of that — have it come back to bite him in the ass, or something.

I know that I wouldn't. I'd be far too scared to; I'm not physically strong, I'm scared of hurting people, and I think that's what makes me angrier about this. I want to do something but I can't.

I'm incredibly lucky that for the friends who know believe me, and support me even through my lowest lows.

And I guess I'm lucky that there was something stopping worse from happening. It's not so much recollections of the event that get me anymore, it's the thoughts of "this could've happened" and general realizations. Coming to understand that no, it wasn't just assault, it was actual rape? That shattered me. It absolutely destroyed me, and it just felt like it kept getting worse. There's so many feelings that I have about it — disgust and fear and spite. It was incest, it was so fucking risky. I'd started puberty by then. And if he had too, if that condom wasn't there? What then?

It's given me a feeling of loss that I cannot put into words. Losing something I never had, and might never have even gotten the chance to. I don't think I'd have made a good mother at eight years old, nor would my own mother. Would I have loved her? What would've happened to her?

I love 8. She's a wonderful little girl, she's a joy to have around whenever she comes by. But every time I see her I feel so sorry for her existence. I know why she's here, and I can't currently fathom losing her. I want to say "losing her again" but. I never lost her in the first place.

I want to move on from this, so bad. And even now it still hurts so horribly every time it comes back to mind, how corruptedly altered my perception of the world is because of it. Not just that, other things too. But the one-time occasion is more painful than having gotten used to abuse. Maybe that's why I grieve it so often.

There's a lot I question about myself because of it. If I actually like men, if I'm actually trans, if I wouldn't be a system if he'd never done that. 8 definitely wouldn't be here, at least. And though I care about her a part of me wishes she didn't exist. It just feels like a scar that cannot be removed, even if it isn't her fault.

I never want to blame her for merely living her little life because of something that happened to me. I don't even want to blame myself, and thank god I've moved on from that. But god, I wish I could've gotten legal closure. But cases like this can only be taken to court ten years after the incident. My time has passed.

Maybe some day I can find a way to get what I want and really move on. Hopefully, at least.

[lydias--stiles]

THE MANY CRUSHES OF LUKE PATTERSON... AND THE ONE THAT STUCK

💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌

1982

Luke Patterson's first crush ever was Haley Martin. He adored the colour of her hair — like the clementines his mom bought — and the way she finger-painted, enough for his four year old eyes to stare at her in awe.

He watched her make mud pies in the sandbox from the monkey bars, only to ruin them to get a rise out of her. He couldn't understand why she didn't like him the way he did, so he nagged his mom to explain.

"Teasing girls should be fun for them too, sweetheart," she soothed. "This Haley clearly didn't like it."

He blinked. "Huh?"

Her smile stayed warm, similar to hot chocolate and whenever grandpa conjured candies from behind his ear. "Why don't you share your grapes with her tomorrow? I'm sure she'll like that."

His nose scrunched up. "Why?"

"Because it's sweet, Luke."

"I don't get that," he shrugged. "But I'll try."

The next day, he sat beside her during storybook time and that seemed to help a little already. By the time it was lunch, her mood was lifted, which excited him too, and urged him to offer the grapes.

It earned him a featherlight kiss on the cheek.

Luke squeaked in surprise, flushing a firetruck red, to which she giggled and plopped another grape in her mouth.

Three days later, his crush was gone from his mind and he began sharing his grapes with his new friend Reginald instead.

1986

"Can you ask Jessica what she thinks of me?" Luke hurriedly whispered, eyes flickering between Reggie and the girl from across the courtyard.

Normally, Luke Patterson exuded confidence. The resident class clown, always opening his jaw to react to the teacher without raising his hand, catching fights with stupid classmates, sneaking into dad's stationwagon to create mixtapes.

Fearlessness was his freaking middle name. (It was actually Beck, but whatever. He wished it was something cool like Duran Duran though.)

But when it came to girls... he got so nervous. Because they were girls! He didn't understand them! They hated rambunctious boys and only listened to stupid pop music and blabbered about how they stole makeup from their sisters.

Jessica, however, somehow made his heart flutter and his stomach twist up. She just looked cool in her dungarees and she had a pretty smile and she didn't wear that overwhelming, sugary perfume that was now popular.

Reggie snickered, in the way only eight year old boys could. "You liiiiiiike her!"

"No!" He scowled. "I–I'm just curious."

"Sure," he drawled, but then shrugged in agreement, the oversized leather jacket rustling on his shoulders. He stole it from his older brother after he saw him kissing (!!!) some girl and figured it held some magic to impress the ladies with.

"Just do it!"

With a dramatic flourish, the boy left their hiding spot, Luke lurking around the corner of the alcove to watch. Jessica looked up from her hard work of creating friendship bracelets and smiled at Reggie.

Oh, gosh. She was pretty.

A minute later, a sheepish Reg slowly crawled back to him, cheeks red and fiddling with the zipper of his jacket.

Luke grabbed his shoulders, urgent. "What did she say?"

"Uh... well..."

"C'mon, dude!"

Reggie sighed. "She... likes me, buddy. Sorry."

His hopeful face crashed into one of devestation, quickly covering it up with a laugh and a squeeze of the shoulder. Oh, man, what would Steven Tyler do?

"That– that's dope!"

In the end, Reggie and Jessica were boyfriend and girlfriend for a week while he wrote an angry poem about how stupid dungarees were.

Huh... it was surprisingly good.

1988

"Hey, Luke," Gwenn greeted, shy, tucking her hands in her Camp Wacky Rocka hoodie. "I really liked that song you made about your guitar."

Jumping from the tree branch to the ground, Luke dazzled her with an appreciative smile. From above, Reggie and their new friend Alex watched on curiously.

"Thanks!"

Who would've thought that summer camp would be the first time he made a real, girl friend! Gwenn was super cool and she played the saxophone and she liked Joan Jett and her hair was all curly and big and it reminded him of pretty clouds.

Looking over her shoulder, he noticed a gaggle of girls staring at them. Like they were waiting.

Gwenn stared at him. "Can you close your eyes?"

He frowned. "Why?"

"Just 'cause."

Whatever. Maybe she wanted to show him something cool and would stick it in his hand. Complying, he closed his eyes and impatiently waited, bouncing on his heels.

"So?"

Suddenly, he felt a light, warm touch on his mouth and — oh! She was kissing him!

Luke staggered back in surprise, gawking at a blushing Gwenn as she squeaked a sorry and ran back to the now giggling and screeching girls. They ran away like a flock of birds.

It was a dare! His first kiss, stolen by a dare!

His boys jumped down beside him, awed.

Reggie hollered. "You kissed Gwenn!"

"I don't get it," Alex muttered.

Luke's face twisted up in a sour expression. Camp Wacky Rocka should be all about the music and becoming legends and Gwenn ruined it!

He stuck his tongue out. "Whatever. Let's go to the mess hall!"

1989

When Luke turned eleven, he kissed someone for real.

His birthday party was at the arcade, loud chatter and robotic sounds clashing together in an amazing cacophony. His parents hated the place, which is why Luke loved it.

Of the twenty guests, Yasmine clapped the loudest after he finished his song with the boys — Math Is For Losers! — and grabbed his hand as they walked to a duel game.

Luke felt fuckin' giddy the entire time. (Freakin' in front of his parents, fuckin' with friends.) The swoop in his stomach, his cheeks stretched into a wide beam.

Freshly eleven and the king of the arcade, he boldly asked if he could kiss her.

She smiled, her purple headband glittering in the neon lights, and nodded.

It was short and warm and her lips tasted like pink lemonade and sour gummies and it gave him an entirely new buzz. It was exciting.

He kissed her a couple more times the days after, eager and curious, until she claimed she was now only interested in twelve year old boys.

Since Luke now held the record of most kisses between him, Alex and Reggie, he wasn't too bothered by it. They shook hands, complimented each other on the kissing, and that was that.

1992

"Are you or are you not my boyfriend?" Olivia bit, crossing her arms.

Luke sighed, lazy gaze drifting from her to his band waiting by their bikes. Damn, he thought having a girlfriend would be way easier. Why was she so tense?

"I am," he said. "Why do you think I'm not?"

"Because you ignore me, like, all the time!" Pouting, she fiddled with the hem of her tartan skirt. "And now you're going to be with your band!"

He shrugged. "You can come with us and listen, if you want."

Luke met Olivia this year as deskmates in French class. Her raven hair was long and thick and her lips were all shiny from lip gloss and maybe he got a little cocky, thinking he could be dating the hottest girl of freshman year, so he naturally asked her out.

Maybe he should've considered beforehand whether they had anything in common, but he'd always been the overzealous type. And besides... she was a good kisser.

She scoffed. "That's not any better. Whatever. I'll just hang with Tina and Priscilla then. Laters!"

Plopping a kiss on his lips, she turned around and stalked to her whispering friends. Luke puffed, adjusted the beanie and made his way to the boys.

Girls were confusing.

"I bet dating boys is easier," Alex mused. "Like, equally terrifying, but also... easier. I think. Maybe."

Bobby laughed. "How's the girlfriend, Luke?"

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. "Let's go. I got this new song, Crooked Teeth, and it's a fucking banger!"

Olivia broke up with him after Sunset Curve's first, official gig at the arcade with the explanation that he loved music more than her. He never loved her to begin with, so maybe that was the problem.

She made out with Bobby that same night.

Holy shit, man. He supposed that bitter feeling at the sight of them tasted like rock 'n roll, the one thing he actually craved.

What a funny, funny feeling. (He wrote a hell of a lot of songs about it after. He never quite looked at Bobby the same way either.)

1995

"Hey, Maisie." Leaning against the locker beside the girl, he shot her a million dollar smile. "You comin' to our gig tonight? It's at The Orpheum."

Maisie was fucking awesome. Always in short, flowery dresses and fishnet tights and thick eyeliner like a rockstar, always listening to something new on her walkman. She came from a rich family, but that didn't hinder them from becoming friends.

Her jaw fell slack in awe, him instantly gaining more confidence. Ducking his head to meet her eye, he leaned a little closer. He knew damn well what he was doing, and he got a thrill every time it worked.

"Really?" She gasped. "That's awesome! I'll so be there!"

"Sweet," he grinned. "And stay after too."

A brow quirked up, intrigued. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Just 'cause."

"Right," she drawled. "Nothing is 'just because' with you, Luke."

"And that's why you gotta stay," he teased, nudging her shoe with his. "To find out."

If they rocked that gig and he felt like a fucking legend, he hoped it would end with the two of them hooking up. He wasn't interested in dating — having learned his lesson after Olivia — and he knew she wasn't either, but she was fun.

And that was the most important to him: to have fucking fun. Luke Patterson was here for a good time, not a long time.

And if nothing happened between him and Maisie, then he'd still feel like a legend. In a couple of hours, he was going to play at The Orpheum! How gnarly was that?!

2022

Twenty-seven years later, Luke was still seventeen years old. While he preferred to not question the science behind ghostly activities — he flunked physics anyway — he was happy that he froze at this age.

Because Julie was seventeen, too.

And, man. He was madly in love with her.

He loved everything, from the babyhairs curling around her ears, to her voice and compassionate soul, to her beautiful smile, all the way to her cute, doodled sneakers.

Her epic music taste, her snark, the way she always found his gaze, the way she finished his lyrics, the way she always knew what to say to make him feel better.

His heart melted to a flickering candle whenever she hugged him, a raging wildfire erupting between every kiss. He was a fool for her.

"Stop moving," she giggled, one hand coming up to hold his chin.

He grinned, "Sorry, Jules."

Shifting closer, she dabbled more glitter on his cheeks. They were playing at a black-light club tonight, so Julie and Flynn bought all the glow in the dark makeup available at the store for the occasion.

They looked ridiculous in daylight, Julie's weirdly pink lipstick claiming all his attention, but he knew they'd look fucking cool once the lights went down.

"You want to watch a movie after the gig?" she whispered.

Luke rolled his eyes, playful. "You're gonna fall asleep."

"Yeah." With a bashful tilt of the shoulder, she leaned in closer. "But then you'll be with me."

"Julie! How scandalous," he teased, though his chest swelled at the thought of having some alone time, some cuddle time, with Julie.

"So?"

Murmuring a yes, he closed the little distance to kiss her, sealing the deal, only for her to chase after him — an attempt to wipe the lipstick stain off his lips.

"Nah, keep it." A smirk grew. "So the people know."

She tsked. "Idiot."

"You like it."

"I'm still taking it off though, seeing as you're supposed to be a hologram," she pointed out. "But... you can kiss my lipstick away after the show."

He sighed, dreamy. "I love you."

Finishing his glitter and removing the stain, she dazzled him with a satisfied smile. "Love you too."

She rose up from the couch and went to search for Reggie, the boy likely with Carlos. For a moment, Luke was alone in the studio, allowing himself to sink into that warm, fuzzy feeling.

No matter how many blunders he went through with girls — Haley, Jessica, Gwenn, Yasmine, Olivia, Maisie — they all prepared him, in one way or the other, for Julie.

To not only recognise when an awesome girl was standing right in front of him, but also how to treat her — because Julie Molina deserved the fucking world.

Even if that world now included the supernatural.

Whatever. They were all a little crazy.

💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌

@bluefirewrites @blush-and-books @pink-flame @ourstarscollided @constantly-singing @unsaid-emily @willexx

[samissosexyyy]

Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

[fromni-blog]

下書き引用元 https://www.netflix.com/watch/70273997

英語字幕書き起こし

THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL. IT'S JUST SOME GUY I WORK WITH. COME ON. YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH THE GUY. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. SO, DOES HE HAVE A HUMP? A HUMP AND A HAIRPIECE? WAIT, DOES HE EAT CHALK? JUST 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HER TO GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH WITH CARL. OKAY, EVERYBODY RELAX. THIS IS NOT A DATE. IT'S TWO PEOPLE GOING OUT TO DINNER AND NOT HAVING SEX. SOUNDS LIKE A DATE TO ME. SO I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. I'M STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFETERIA AND I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY... NAKED. I'VE HAD THAT DREAM. THEN, I LOOK DOWN AND I REALIZE THERE IS A PHONE... THERE. INSTEAD OF..? THAT'S RIGHT. NEVER HAD THAT DREAM. ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE PHONE STARTS TO RING AND IT TURNS OUT IT'S MY MOTHER WHICH IS VERY, VERY WEIRD BECAUSE... SHE NEVER CALLS ME. HI. THIS GUY SAYS "HELLO. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF." ARE YOU OKAY, SWEETIE? I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE REACHED DOWN MY THROAT GRABBED MY SMALL INTESTINE, PULLED IT OUT MY MOUTH AND TIED IT AROUND MY NECK. COOKIE? CAROL MOVED HER STUFF OUT TODAY. All: OH... LET ME GET YOU SOME COFFEE. THANKS. OOH. UGH... NO. OH, NO. NO, DON'T. STOP CLEANSING MY AURA. NO, JUST LEAVE MY AURA ALONE, OKAY? I'LL BE FINE, ALL RIGHT? REALLY, EVERYONE. I HOPE SHE'LL BE VERY HAPPY. Monica: NO, YOU DON'T. NO I DON'T. TO HELL WITH HER. SHE LEFT ME. AND YOU NEVER KNEW SHE WAS A LESBIAN? NO. OKAY? WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP FIXATING ON THAT? SHE DIDN'T KNOW. HOW SHOULD I KNOW? SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN. DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? ALL RIGHT, ROSS, LOOK YOU'RE FEELING A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE ANGRY. YOU'RE HURTING. CAN I TELL YOU WHAT THE ANSWER IS? STRIP JOINTS! OH, COME ON. YOU'RE SINGLE. SEE, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE, OKAY? I JUST, I JUST, I JUST WANT TO BE MARRIED AGAIN. AND I JUST WANT A MILLION DOLLARS. RACHEL? OH, GOD, MONICA, HI. THANK GOD. I JUST WENT TO YOUR BUILDING AND YOU WEREN'T THERE AND THEN THIS GUY WITH A BIG HAMMER SAID THAT YOU MIGHT BE HERE, AND YOU ARE. CAN I GET YOU SOME COFFEE? DECAF. OKAY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS RACHEL ANOTHER LINCOLN HIGH SURVIVOR. THIS IS EVERYBODY. THIS IS CHANDLER AND PHOEBE, AND JOEY AND YOU REMEMBER MY BROTHER ROSS? SURE. HI. OH! SO, YOU WANT TO TELL US NOW OR ARE WE WAITING FOR FOUR WET BRIDESMAIDS? OH, GOD. WELL, IT STARTED ABOUT A HALF HOUR BEFORE THE WEDDING. I WAS IN THIS ROOM WHERE WE WERE KEEPING ALL THE PRESENTS AND I WAS LOOKING AT THIS GRAVY BOAT-- THIS REALLY GORGEOUS LIMOGES GRAVY BOAT-- WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN... SWEET AND LOW? I REALIZED THAT I WAS MORE TURNED ON BY THIS GRAVY BOAT THAN BY BARRY AND THEN I GOT REALLY FREAKED OUT AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME HOW MUCH BARRY LOOKS LIKE MR. POTATO HEAD. I MEAN, I ALWAYS KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR, BUT... ANYWAY, I JUST HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE AND I STARTED WONDERING, "WHY AM I DOING THIS AND WHO AM I DOING THIS FOR?" SO, ANYWAY, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO AND I KNOW THAT YOU AND I HAVE DRIFTED APART BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW WHO LIVED IN THE CITY. WHO WASN'T INVITED TO THE WEDDING. OH, I WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT WOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE. ...Elijarme la mano, aquellos criminales. Monica: NOW, I'M GUESSING THAT HE BOUGHT HER THE BIG PIPE ORGAN AND SHE'S REALLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. DADDY, I JUST... I CAN'T MARRY HIM. I'M SORRY. I JUST DON'T LOVE HIM. WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME. Chandler: SHE SHOULD NOT BE WEARING THOSE PANTS. I SAY PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS. All: PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS! PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS! ALL RIGHT! COME ON, DADDY, LISTEN TO ME. ALL OF MY LIFE EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS TOLD ME, "YOU'RE A SHOE. "YOU'RE A SHOE. YOU'RE A SHOE. YOU'RE A SHOE." AND THEN TODAY I JUST STOPPED AND SAID "WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO BE A SHOE? "WHAT IF I WANT TO BE A PURSE? OR A HAT?" NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO BUY ME A HAT. I'M SAYING THAT I AM A HAT... IT'S A METAPHOR, DADDY! YOU CAN SEE WHERE HE'D HAVE TROUBLE. LOOK, DADDY, IT'S MY LIFE. WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY HERE WITH MONICA. WELL, I GUESS WE'VE ESTABLISHED SHE'S STAYING HERE WITH MONICA. WELL, MAYBE THAT'S MY DECISION. WELL, MAYBE I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY. WAIT, WAIT! I SAID MAYBE! OKAY, JUST BREATHE. THAT'S IT. JUST TRY TO THINK OF NICE, CALM THINGS. ♪ RAINDROPS ON ROSES ♪ ♪ AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS ♪ ♪ DOORBELLS AND SLEIGH BELLS ♪ ♪ AND SOMETHING WITH MITTENS ♪ ♪ LA LA LA SOMETHING ♪ ♪ WITH STRING, THESE ARE A FEW... ♪ I'M ALL BETTER NOW. I HELPED. OKAY, LOOK, THIS IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. INDEPENDENCE... TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. AND HEY, YOU NEED ANYTHING YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO JOEY. ME AND CHANDLER LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL AND HE'S AWAY A LOT. STOP HITTING ON HER. IT'S HER WEDDING DAY. LIKE THERE'S A RULE OR SOMETHING? ( intercom buzzes ) PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. IT'S A HORRIBLE SOUND. Uh, it's-- it's Paul. BUZZ HIM IN. WHO'S PAUL? "PAUL THE WINE GUY" PAUL? MAYBE. YOUR "NOT A REAL DATE" TONIGHT IS WITH "PAUL THE WINE GUY"? HE FINALLY ASKED YOU OUT? YES. A "DEAR DIARY" MOMENT. RACH, WAIT. I CAN CANCEL. PLEASE, NO, GO. I'LL BE FINE. ROSS, ARE YOU OKAY? I MEAN, DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY? THAT WOULD BE GOOD. REALLY? NO! GO ON! IT'S "PAUL THE WINE GUY!" HI. COME IN. PAUL, THIS IS... EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY, THIS IS PAUL. All: "PAUL THE WINE GUY!" I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME. PAUL, WAS IT? SIT DOWN. TWO SECONDS. I JUST PULLED OUT FOUR EYELASHES. THAT CAN'T BE GOOD. SO, RACHEL, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TONIGHT? I WAS KIND OF SUPPOSED TO BE HEADED FOR ARUBA ON MY HONEYMOON. SO, NOTHING. RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN GETTING YOUR HONEYMOON. GOD... NO... ARUBA. THIS TIME OF YEAR, TALK ABOUT YOUR... BIG LIZARDS. ANYWAY, IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING ALONE TONIGHT JOEY AND CHANDLER ARE HELPING ME PUT TOGETHER MY NEW FURNITURE. AND WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. THANKS, BUT I'M GOING TO HANG OUT HERE TONIGHT. IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY. OH, SURE. OKAY, SURE. PHEEBS, YOU WANT TO HELP? I WISH I COULD, BUT I DON'T WANT TO. I'M SUPPOSED TO ATTACH A BRACKETY THING TO THE SIDE THINGS USING A BUNCH OF THESE LITTLE WORM GUYS. I HAVE NO BRACKETY THING. I SEE NO WORM GUYS WHATSOEVER. AND I CANNOT FEEL MY LEGS. WHAT'S THIS? I HAVE NO IDEA. DONE WITH THE BOOKCASE! ALL FINISHED! THIS WAS CAROL'S FAVORITE BEER. SHE ALWAYS DRANK IT OUT OF THE CAN. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. ROSS, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. SHE GOT THE FURNITURE, THE STEREO, THE GOOD TV. WHAT DID YOU GET? YOU GUYS. YOU GOT SCREWED. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. I KNOW. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT ON WHEN SHE STARTED GOING TO THE DENTIST FOUR AND FIVE TIMES A WEEK. I MEAN, HOW CLEAN CAN TEETH GET? MY BROTHER'S GOING THROUGH THAT NOW. HE'S SUCH A MESS. HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH IT? HE MIGHT TRY ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING SOMETHING VALUABLE OF HERS-- SAY, HER... LEG? THAT'S ONE WAY OF GOING THROUGH IT. ME, I WENT FOR THE WATCH. YOU ACTUALLY BROKE HER WATCH? BARRY, I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS IS ALL ABOUT WHAT I SAID THE OTHER NIGHT ABOUT YOU MAKING LOVE WITH YOUR SOCKS ON BUT IT ISN'T. IT ISN'T-- IT'S ABOUT ME. AND I DID... HI. MACHINE CUT ME OFF AGAIN. ANYWAY... YOU KNOW WHAT THE SCARIEST PART IS? WHAT IF THERE'S ONLY ONE WOMAN FOR EVERYBODY? WHAT IF YOU GET ONE WOMAN AND THAT'S IT? UNFORTUNATELY, IN MY CASE THERE WAS ONLY ONE WOMAN FOR HER. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ONE WOMAN. THAT'S LIKE SAYING THERE'S ONLY ONE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM FOR YOU. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ROSS. THERE'S LOT OF FLAVORS OUT THERE. THERE'S ROCKY ROAD AND COOKIE DOUGH AND BING CHERRY VANILLA. YOU CAN GET THEM WITH JIMMIES OR NUTS OR WHIPPED CREAM. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. YOU GOT MARRIED. YOU WERE LIKE, WHAT, EIGHT? WELCOME BACK TO THE WORLD. GRAB A SPOON. I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF I'M HUNGRY OR HORNY. THEN STAY OUT OF MY FREEZER. EVER SINCE SHE WALKED OUT ON ME, I... WHAT? WHAT, YOU WANT TO SPELL IT OUT WITH NOODLES? NO, IT'S MORE OF A FIFTH DATE KIND OF REVELATION. OH, SO, THERE'S GOING TO BE A FIFTH DATE? ISN'T THERE? YEAH, YEAH, I THINK THERE IS. WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY? WELL, WELL... EVER SINCE SHE LEFT ME, UM... I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO PERFORM... SEXUALLY. OH, GOD. I'M SO SORRY. IT'S OKAY. BEING SPIT ON IS PROBABLY NOT WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW. UM... OOH. HOW LONG? TWO YEARS. WOW. I-I-I'M GLAD YOU SMASHED HER WATCH. SO, YOU STILL THINK YOU, UM... MIGHT WANT THAT FIFTH DATE? YEAH. YEAH, I DO. I, Joanie, take you, Charles as my lawful husband. Do you take Joanie... SEE, BUT JOANIE LOVED CHACHI. THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. GRAB A SPOON. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE I GRABBED A SPOON? DO THE WORDS "BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? YOU KNOW, HERE'S THE THING. EVEN IF I COULD GET IT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO ASK A WOMAN OUT WHO AM I GOING TO ASK? ISN'T THIS AMAZING? I HAVE NEVER MADE COFFEE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. THAT IS AMAZING. CONGRATULATIONS. WHILE YOU'RE ON A ROLL, IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GOT TO MAKE A WESTERN OMELET OR SOMETHING... ACTUALLY, I'M REALLY NOT THAT HUNGRY THIS MORNING. MORNING. MORNING. MORNING. MORNING. MORNING, PAUL. HELLO, PAUL. HI. PAUL, IS IT? I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT. Paul: THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. WE'LL TALK LATER. YEAH. THANK YOU. THAT WASN'T A REAL DATE. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO ON A REAL DATE? SHUT UP AND PUT MY TABLE BACK. Joey: OKAY. ALL RIGHT, KIDS, I GOT TO GET TO WORK. IF I DON'T INPUT THOSE NUMBERS... IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE. SO, LIKE, YOU GUYS ALL HAVE JOBS? YEAH, WE ALL HAVE JOBS. SEE, THAT'S HOW WE BUY STUFF. YEAH. I'M AN ACTOR. HAVE I SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING? I DOUBT IT. MOSTLY REGIONAL WORK. UNLESS YOU CAUGHT THE WEE ONES PRODUCTION OF PINOCCHIO. "LOOK, GEPETTO, I'M A REAL LIVE BOY." I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE. YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. ♪ ONCE I WAS A WOODEN BOY, A LITTLE WOODEN BOY. ♪ SO HOW YOU DOING TODAY? DID YOU SLEEP OKAY? DID YOU TALK TO BARRY? I CAN'T STOP SMILING. I CAN SEE THAT. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SLEPT WITH A HANGER IN YOUR MOUTH. I KNOW. HE'S JUST SO... YOU REMEMBER YOU AND TONY DEMARCO? OH, YEAH. WELL, IT'S LIKE THAT-- WITH FEELINGS. OH, WOW, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE. I AM JUST GOING TO GET UP, GO TO WORK AND NOT THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY. OR ELSE I'M JUST GOING TO GET UP AND GO TO WORK. WISH ME LUCK. WHAT FOR? I'M GOING TO GET ONE OF THOSE JOB THINGS. HEY, MONICA. FRANNIE, WELCOME BACK. HOW WAS FLORIDA? YOU HAD SEX, DIDN'T YOU? HOW DO YOU DO THAT? SO, WHO? YOU KNOW PAUL? PAUL, THE WINE GUY? OH, YEAH, I KNOW PAUL. YOU MEAN, YOU KNOW PAUL LIKE I KNOW PAUL? ARE YOU KIDDING? I TAKE CREDIT FOR PAUL. YOU KNOW, BEFORE ME, THERE WAS NO SNAP IN HIS TURTLE FOR TWO YEARS. OF COURSE IT WAS A LINE. WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! I ASSUME WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN "TO GET YOU INTO BED." IS IT ME?! IS IT LIKE I HAVE SOME SORT OF BEACON THAT ONLY DOGS AND MEN WITH SEVERE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CAN HEAR? GIVE ME YOUR FEET. I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS NICE, YOU KNOW? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A LINE. GUESS WHAT? YOU GOT A JOB? ARE YOU KIDDING? I'M TRAINED FOR NOTHING. I WAS LAUGHED OUT OF 12 INTERVIEWS. YET YOU'RE UPBEAT. YOU WOULD BE, TOO, IF YOU FOUND JOAN AND DAVID BOOTS ON SALE 50 PERCENT OFF. OH, HOW WELL YOU KNOW ME. THEY'RE MY NEW I-DON'T-NEED-A-JOB, I-DON'T-NEED-MY-PARENTS, I'VE-GOT-GREAT-BOOTS BOOTS. HOW DID YOU PAY FOR THEM? A CREDIT CARD. AND WHO PAYS FOR THAT? UM... MY FATHER. COME ON. YOU CAN'T LIVE OFF YOUR PARENTS YOUR WHOLE LIFE. I KNOW THAT. THAT'S WHY I WAS GETTING MARRIED. IT'S HARD BEING ON YOUR OWN THE FIRST TIME. THANK YOU. I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST CAME HERE. I WAS 14, MY MOM HAD JUST KILLED HERSELF AND MY STEPDAD WAS BACK IN PRISON. I GOT HERE AND DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY. I ENDED UP LIVING WITH THIS ALBINO GUY WHO WAS CLEANING WINDSHIELDS OUTSIDE PORT AUTHORITY AND THEN HE KILLED HIMSELF AND THEN I FOUND AROMA THERAPY. SO I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS... "ANYWAY..." ALL RIGHT. YOU READY? I DON'T THINK SO. CUT. CUT. ( chanting ): CUT. CUT. CUT. CUT. CUT. ( cheering ) WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. IT SUCKS. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. ( "Star Spangled Banner" playing ) THAT'S IT. YOU WANT TO CRASH ON THE COUCH? NO. I GOT TO GO HOME. YOU GOING TO BE OKAY? YEAH. HEY, MON, LOOK WHAT I FOUND. WHAT? THAT'S PAUL'S WATCH. PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. OH, BOY. ALL RIGHT, GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. Both: GOOD NIGHT. HMM. OH, SORRY. OH, NO. GO. SPLIT IT? OKAY. THANKS. YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW THIS BUT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL I HAD A... MAJOR CRUSH ON YOU. I KNEW. YOU DID? I ALWAYS FIGURED YOU JUST THOUGHT I WAS MONICA'S GEEKY OLDER BROTHER. I DID. OH. LISTEN, DO YOU THINK-- AND TRY NOT TO LET MY INTENSE VULNERABILITY BECOME ANY KIND OF A FACTOR HERE-- BUT WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I ASKED YOU OUT SOMETIME MAYBE? YEAH. MAYBE. OKAY. OKAY, MAYBE I WILL. GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. SEE YOU. MM-HMM. WAIT, WAIT. WHAT'S WITH YOU? I JUST GRABBED A SPOON. I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING. ♪ I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING. ♪ I SAID YOU HAD... ♪ I SAID YOU HAD... ♪ WOULD YOU STOP? WAS I DOING IT AGAIN? All: YES! WOULD ANYBODY LIKE MORE COFFEE? DID YOU MAKE IT OR ARE YOU JUST SERVING IT? I'M JUST SERVING IT. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. KIDS, NEW DREAM. I'M IN LAS VEGAS. I'M LIZA MINELLI.

[auskultu]

The Way Out is In: Barry Miles Interviews George Harrison M.B.E. [IT 19 May 1967]

George Harrison: If you could just say a word and it would tell people something straight to the point, then you take all the words that are going to say everything, and you'd get it in about two lines. Just use those. Just keep saying those words.

Miles: Like the 'Hari Krishna' chants, except there the meaning of the words gradually fades away anyway.

GH: That's right. They get hung up on the meaning of the word rather than the sound of the word. "In the beginning was the word" and that's the thing about Krishna, saying Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, so it's not the word that you're saying, it's the sound: Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna and its just sounds and its great. Sounds are vibrations and the more you can put into that vibration, the more you can get out, action and reaction that's the thing to tell the people. You see it's all very obvious, the whole thing of life and all the answers to everything are in one divine law, Karma action and reaction. It's obvious: everybody knows that if they're happy then usually the people around them are happy, or that people around them happy make them a little happier; that's a proved thing, like "I give to you and you give to me"; they all know that but they haven't thought about it to the point of every action that they do. That's what it is with every action that you do, there's a reaction to it, and if you want a good reaction then you do a good action, and if you want a bad one, then you punch somebody. But that's where it is at. Just that one thing. That's why there is the whole scene of heaven and hell; heaven and hell is right now, right at this moment. You make it heaven or you make it hell by your actions...it's just obvious, isn't it?

M: People don't realise all of the possibilities, they don't realise how much they are in charge of the reality of their situation.

GH: Well that's because of ignorance; everybody is great really and has got to be great because they're going to be here until they get straight and that's it... Everybody would like to be good, that's the silly thing, everybody always likes it when they're having a nice time or when they're happy or when it's sunny, they all dig it; but then they go and forget about it, they never really try to make it nice. They think that it just comes along and it's nice if you're lucky, or if you're unlucky it's bad for you.

M:.......People act unconsciously at this level, they don't realise that they are purposely going out to stop things from getting any better.

GH: They're all ignorant, they fear new things, they fear knowledge somehow, I don't know why. Everything that I ever learned was always so great. I never thought so at the time, it was just that little bit more in your mind an expansion of consciousness or awareness. Even those of us who are very very aware are still so unaware. Everything's relative so that, the more you know, the more you know you don't know anything'....

Christ was the one washing the leper's feet so he was very, very humble, but it's not the way they're putting it down now. They feel as though God is that up there and they are that down there and they don't realise that they are God and that Christ was exactly the same as us but he realises that he was God. That's all it is, we're God too but we don't realise it....

I'm a person who's trying to live within divine law, to the best, and. it's very hard because it's self-discipline, because the more you realise, the more you've got to get yourself straight, so it's hard, you know. I'm trying and there are a lot of people who are trying, even people who are not conscious that they are doing it, but they are really...doing things for the good, or just to be happy or whatever. But then there's those other people, but you've got to have them to have this...I'm not a part of anything in particular, because it's not really 1967 and it's not half-past eight, that's still what people have said it is. So it's just a little bit of time out of the cycle. There's this Indian fellow who worked out a cycle like the idea of stone-age, bronze-age, only he did it on an Indian one. The cycle goes from nothing until now and 20th century and then on and right round the cycle until the people are really grooving and then it just sinks back into ignorance until it gets back into the beginning again. So the 20th century is a fraction of that cycle, and how many of those cycle has it done yet? Its done as many as you think and all these times its been through exactly the same things, and it'll be this again. Only be a few million million years and it'll be exactly the same thing going on, only with other people doing it...I am part of the cycle, rebirth death, rebirth death, rebirth death. Some of the readers will know exactly what I mean, the ones who believe in re-incarnation. It's pointless me trying to explain things like rebirth and death because I've just accepted that, you know, I can leave that.

M: The final death comes when the energy of consciousness reaches a point of complete unity with the universal energy flow and then ZAP, no more rebirth.

GH: But that's in that book. That is the final release of that bit of you that is God so that it can merge into everything else. ("Autobiography of a Yogi"). It's a far-out book, it's a gas. Through Yoga, anybody can attain; it's a God realisation; you just practise Yoga and if you really mean it, then you'll do it. You'll do it to a degree...there's Yogis that have done it to such a degree that they're God, they're like Christ and they can walk on the water and materialise bodies and they can do all those tricks. But that's not the point; the point is that we can all do that and we've all got to do that and we'll keep on being reborn because for the law of action and reaction; "What-so-ever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"; you reap when you come back in your next birth, what you've sewn in your previous incarnation, that's I why I'm me and you're you and he's him and we are all whoever we are. From when I was born where I am now, all I did was to be me to get this; Whatever you've done, you get it back, so you can either go on, or you can blow it.

the buzz of all buzzes

M: Are you concerned with communication?

GH: Oh, yes, of course, we are all one, I mean communication, just the realisation of human love reciprocated, it's such a gas, it's a good vibration which makes you feel good. These vibrations that you get through Yoga, Cosmic chants and things like that, I mean it's such a buzz, it buzzes you out of everywhere. It's nothing to do with pills or anything like that. It's just in your own head, the realisation, it's such a buzz, it buzzes you right into the astral plane.

Nobody can become a drug addict if they're hip. Because it's obvious that if you're hip then you've got to make it. The buzz of all buzzes which is the thing that is God—you've got to be straight to get it. I'm sorry to tell you (turning to microphone)...you can get it better or more if you're straight because you can only get it to a degree. You know even if you get it, you only get it however long your pill lasts. So the thing is, if you really want to get it permanently, you have got to do it, you know...Be healthy, don't eat meat, keep away from those Night-Clubs and MEDITATE....

The clan. The Klu Klux Klan or whatever they are. Do you know, it's stupid, isn't it, they're only little fellows who just put on their outfit, it's like we could be them, you just get your outfit and you go out with your little banner shouting at somebody like that. There was all that thing about the "Klan are coming to get us" at a concert somewhere in the States—and there were about 4 or 5 of them walking up and down, shouting, "Don't go in there...." something about that Christ thing, and there was all the kids' shouting at them and laughing at them and that and then the police came around and told them to move away. It wasn't like you imagine...people with all fiery crosses and coming to burn us. Oh yes that was silly.

M: Did you find it easy to communicate with people in India?

GH: With most of the people you just communicate you don't have to talk. There are such great musicians; it was so nice and it was really just so... straight. They have a whole thing of trying to be humble, you've got to be humble really to be yourself or to get a chance to be yourself. If you're not humble, your ego and your big cabbage head are getting in the way. There were these musicians who are all advanced students of Ravi's and he'd been giving them a lesson. We were there just to watch a bit, and he sat in the middle and sang and they all followed him and went through about two and a half hours...improvised the whole lot. He was singing—which was pretty far out. All these people playing knocked me out so much, it was so great yet they were so humble and saying "It's such a pleasure to meet you," which was horrible because I was trying to be humble there. I was there for that, not for anything to do with being a Beatle. Ravi Shankar is so brilliant and these fellows, as far as I was concerned, were very far out....with people you communicate, there is no bullshit, because they don't create it. It's not so much a game as Western thought because they're a bit more spiritually inclined and they just sort of feel...

M: Did you just realise this yourself?

GH: I felt the vibrations all the time from the people I was with. They've all got their problems but they're just happy and vibrate.

M: You didn't search out a Guru?

GH: Ravi's my musical Guru, but the whole musical thing was too much just to be able to appreciate it whether I play or not. I've never been knocked out with anything for so long. But then later I realised that there wasn't the real thing, that was still only a little stepping stone for me to see. Through the music you reach the spiritual but the music's very involved with the spiritual JBS we know from Hari Krishna we just heard.* It's so attuned to the spiritual scene, it depends how spiritual the musician is. Ravi is fantastic. He just sits there with a bit of wire and just does all that and say all that, things that you know and can't say because there's no words and he can say it like that.

M: Why does it come across best in music?

GH: Because music is sound, vibrations, whereas paintings are vibrations of whatever you pick up. If not actually an energy vibration you get from a groovy painting, but music and sound seem to travel along vibrations, you know the whole thing with mantras is to repeat and repeat those sounds...it's vibrations in everything like prayers and hymns. They don't know about this over here. Prayer is to vibrate, do the devotion, whatever it is, to whoever you believe in, Christ or Buddha or Krishna or any of them. You get the response depending on how much you need it. Those people become that because they give it out, they want it so much, they give out so much, they get back so much, it snowballs until you're Christ. You know we're back to that again. I'm not really hip to too much of the Zen or the Buddhist point of view, but you see I don't have to because I just know that they're all the same, its all the same, it's just which ever one you want to take and it happens that I'm taking the Hindu one...Be straight with yourself just to maybe save a few more people from being stupid and being ignorant. That's what we're doing here now, talking, because we've got to save them, because they're all potentially divine.

M: Does that concern you much?

GH: I couldn't cut off from everyone, because I'm still leaning on them, so if I'm leaning on them then there's someone leaning on me, only very subtly. I'm part of a structure that's going on and rather than cop out now, just at the moment, because I'm not ready, I'll wait. Maybe later on I'll get into where it's peaceful. We're already getting going, so that we'll have somewhere nice to be, because that's what it is you know, everybody should just stay at home and meditate and they'd be so much happier. That'll all come for us, because we are going to make it. "You make and preserve the image of your choice". But still we've got to communicate. We've got to be doing things because we're part of it and because it's nice. You've got to have an outlet. It's like having a big intake in the front of your head and there's so much going on, and it's going through all this, and there's a little exhaust-pipe on the back, that goes POW and lets a bit out. The aim is to get as much going out the back as is coming in. You've got to do that because for everything you get in you've got to give something out. So The Beatles, and whatever our own personal interests are, what we're doing from day to day, then that's like our little exhaust, coming out the back.

M: Which seems to be getting bigger and bigger?

GH: Well it's got to be but it's great, just the realisation of it all, everything feasible because its all only a dream anyway and that gives you infinite scope. You just go on and on and on until you go right rut there. The thing is we could go; there's times, I'm sure, where we hold back a lot with things like Strawberry Fields. I know there's a lot of people who like that who probably wouldn't have liked us a year ago. And then there's a lot of people who didn't like it who did like us a year ago. It's all the same really. Just some people pretend it's not happening. But they know, they simply must know. Because we're all together on this thing, we're just part of it and we'd like to get as many people who want to be a part of it with us. And if we really freaked out....

M: Do you think you're bringing most of them along with you?

GH: Well, we're losing a lot but we're gaining a lot too, I think. I dunno. But what I think, whatever it is, It's good. When somebody does something which everybody really wants to do, then it makes everyone else try a bit harder and strive for something better, and it's good. If ever we've done something like that then everybody's been there. We're as much influenced by everybody else as they are by us, if they are. It's just all a part of the big thing. I give to you and you give to me and it goes like that into the music you know.

guru and disciple

GH: The Guru and Disciple relationship is where the person has a 100% belief in the Guru and that way you put your trust in the Guru, that he's going to get you out of this mess. If you are a Christian, then Christ is your Guru, and they' re all disciples of Christ. If they are. So to put your full belief in your Guru, because it's for your own good, because you've decided that...It's just having a lot of respect for the person and it's like that with music as well...You should love your instrument and respect it. Whenever Ravi does a concert he'll put his special thing on, and get nice and clean, and washed up and get his joss-sticks going. He's very straight, he doesn't drink or smoke or anything like that and by his real devotion he's mastered the thing. By his own discipline. He's playing for 18 hours a day for about 15 years, that's why he's that good. I've got no illusions about being a sitar player, I mean it's nothing like that. I really see it in perspective because he's got about 10,000,000 students who are all so groovy playing the sitar and yet he's only got hope for one of them to really make it, so that's me out for a kick-off. But that's not the important thing you see. The thing is, that however little you learn of it, it's too much, it's too much. Indian music is brilliant and for me, anyway, (this is only personal) it's got everything in it. I still like electronics and all sorts of music if it's good but Indian music is just... an untouchable you can't say what it is, because it just is.

...Your religion, or whatever you're doing, so if your' re putting out something to make people happy and something that's a bit devotional. It's got to be. If you spend all your life in a studio; you can't last out if it's not. Stockhausen (he's the one we mention in IT, Stockhausen, he's really IT) and all the others, they're just trying to take you a bit further out or in, further in, to yourself. The way out is in. It's since the newspapers started the drug craze. That's it, you see, isn't that a bizarre scene, I mean you're the only paper that can say this because you're the only honest paper, really, when you get down to it. What I mean is, that thing about the sales, that's all they're concerned with how many... all this bullshit, on the front page how many papers we've sold today, and we're selling more than theDaily Express, hup yer. All their silly little games, all that crap. And another thing they always saying, "The Daily Mirror carried 13,000 inches of advertising—and fuck-all to read, just a lot of shit. Actually bragging about how, its stupid isn't it, it's a newspaper, anyway, we forgive them, .as always. But this is the great thing. When you've got yourself to a point where you've realised certain things about life and the world and everything like that, then you know that none of that can affect you at all because you know it's the same thing now with those newspaper people they were always writing all that, just making it up. The thing is we know what the scene is, and we know them, they're all those little fellows. They'd all really like to be happy and they try to be happy but they're in a nasty little organisation and it's great really. The whole thing of hate, anybody who hates, I feel sorry for them you know, that they are in that position and the newspapers are like that. I feel we got away from the point, whatever it was. The point was, you can print your paper, you know that they can't touch you because you know more than them and its obvious because they'd be the ones to puzzle about it. On our side of the fence there's no puzzling to it. We know what it is.

The policemen are people as well. All those nasty people aren't really nasty if they'd realise it. All those policemen can't be themselves and they've got to do that game and pretend to be a policemen and go all through that shit about what's in the book, they've got to make themselves into a little part of themselves which is a lie and an untruth. The moment they put a uniform on they're bullshitting themselves, just thinking that they're policemen, because they are not policemen. They think that they created a thing called policemen and so then they try and enforce their creation on others and say "Now we've made a thing and it's called The Police and we want you all to believe in it and it's all for your own good and if you don't look up to it you'll get your ass kicked and you'll go in the craphouse".

You just keep changing the subject onto what you think we should be talking about and I'll just talk it back out of it again onto this....to people who look at the scene negatively, then it is, and they stay in their drab world. We've got to get it back again, after the war, and get it back to how it should be—everybody's happy and smiling and leaping about and doing what they all know is there that they should be doing. There's something happening. If everybody could just get into it, great, they'd all smile and all dress up. Yes—that'd be good. "The world is a stage". Well he was right, because we're Beatles, and it's a little scene and we're playing and we're pretending to be Beatles, like Harold. Wilson's pretending to be Prime Minister and you're pretending to be the Interview on IT. They're all playing. The Queen's the Queen. The idea that you wake up and it happens that you're Queen, it's amazing but you could all be Queens if you imagined it...they'll have a war quickly if it gets too good, they'll just pick on the nearest person to save us from our doom. That's it, soon as you freak out and have a good time, it's dangerous, but they don't think of the danger of going into some other country in a tank with a machine-gun and shooting some-one. That's all legal and above board, but you can't freak out—that's stupid.