#no but the exam actually lifted my mood...... pls..........

[softesthobi]

the albums are arriving to stores today i just wanna go buy it and not do regression analysis

[shotosprincess]

BAKUGO SCREAMING AND IZUKU

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ AAAA HIII TYSM FOR REPLYING TO THE BNHA PLAYLIST THINGY FOR FICS I LOVE YOU MWAHMWAH

anyways aaa bet !! ill do midoriya first if you don’t mind bc im currently in such a soft mood and hajdjj i just love him sm :((

— 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙯𝙪𝙠𝙪 𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙮𝙖’𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨

inspired by this playlist by nimbus on yt !! pls check them out ansjdjf their playlists r heaven ^^

❝ you never truly understood that about him, the way he continued to put himself through the pain, to push himself, even, past his limits and then some—

plus ultra. and now his arms were all but littered with rough scars of diluted white and blunt tan. ❞

notes ! gender neutral! reader,, best friends to lovers au ,, 2nd person pov

summary: in which your best friend deku shows up at your dorm late at night due to kacchan locking him out. he asks for bandages to stabilize his newly-healed scars, and you ask to kiss them.

genre: fluff !! <33

it went without a doubt that deku had been to recovery girls’ office more times than anyone else at the academy. it hurt, honestly; each time you saw his still-healing figure emerge from the little swing of her door, a sharp pang reverberated starkly through your chest, for though the freshly-scarred over wounds didn’t diminish his beauty in the slightest, you simply couldn’t deny that an empty eddy of sadness settled in you whenever he was in such a state.

and unfortunately for you, he was constantly in it.

his body could only take so much. and he was still so young too—the very same held true for your heart.

it’s been that way ever since the two of you had first entered ua as shining, eager students. though in all fairness you had to admit, he was...different from the very beginning. even as the prelude to his eventual rising and growth in his quirk, he had shone with a certain unmatched brilliance ever since the entrance exams. and over the years you spent together, you had watched him persevere so passionately towards the glow of his ultimate goal; to be a hero who can help others. little did he know just how much he already had. he had always been so excruciatingly oblivious and aloof to even the evidence and affects of his own kindness, and you hated the fact that so many tended to take advantage of it. of him.

though, of course, this did not mean that he was weak in any form. no, if anything he was quite the polar opposite—he had proved it time and time again, and yet it didn’t mean that he couldn’t get hurt too. the dull aching of tiredness ringing in his eyes, the one he tries to desperately to mask, the ragged marks scattered across the pale valleys of his once-scar-barren skin; he wasn’t immune to pain, to injury. and yet, he fought. you never truly understood that about him, the way he continued to put himself through the pain, to push himself, even, past his limits and then some—

plus ultra. and now his arms were all but littered with rough scars of diluted white and blunt tan.

nevertheless, truth be told, you actually admired it a great deal. his sheer determination, the purity of his motives, it was more than laudable. despite all of it, you truly couldn’t help but feel this...magnetic urge to help him. protect him. if you could soothe the pain in any way, even if it would be but a temporary relief—

three knocks clack on the door.

you and izuku’s secret door code—just a silly little something the two of you made up a few months after the dorm system had been put into motion, and all so you could sneak out to the grass-flooded yards of the building and train together.

naturally, you open the door.

“ heyyy there you are! “

your head perks up at the cheery jingling of his voice, all drafts of exhaustion and sleep deprivation washing away almost instantaneously. he might as well be the very personification of caffeine at that point, despite how direly he needed it himself.

the starry shine of his eyes meets with yours as a diluted sanguine seeped colour into his face. he turns his head away awkwardly.

you lean against the doorframe, smiling at him. “ deku...you didn’t tell me we’d be training today. plus it’s a little late right now, don’t you think? i’m already in my pajamas. “

“ yeah, um, sorry about that. kacchan...kinda locked me out. “

“ he what? “

“ he locked me out. “

“ how does that even—don’t you have separate rooms? “

“ well, yeah, but we were racing down the halls after glass today and he...got to my room before i could. well, honestly i have no clue what he’s doing over there. “ he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

“ oookay then. little concerning, i won’t lie. “ your shoulders lift in a shrug, arms crossing in front of your chest as your shy laugh matches his.

“ so i was wondering if...you know...i could maybe stay here for a bit? “ his voice wavers subtly, though you’re quick to catch it. the tips of his ears flush with a deepened pink.

you can’t help but silently gush about how cute he looked.

you’re quick to snap out of that too. eyes bursting open with a brilliant shock, you notice he’s fiddling nervously with his fingers as you remain absolutely, positively frozen in place.

“ i’m—what? “

his countenance immediately shifts to one of sheer embarrassment. flustered, he begins to frantically wave his hands in front of him, as if to put some sort of considerable distance between his panicking self and your seemingly-composed demeanour. and as if that would do anything to deescalate the tension which was only progressively building between your equally-timid selves at this moment.

“ ohmygod i didn’t mean it in a weird way or anything! i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’ll just—i’ll just go— “

you slide against the wood a little bit, pushing your weight against the slightly-agape door, so it swung open even further to reveal the, admittedly, fairly-messy state of your room. draped carelessly on the side of your bed, a sweater you had taken off earlier because the temperature of your room had suddenly decided to heat up an unreasonable amount. countable cups holding shallow pools of hour-old drinks scattered throughout nearly every shelf. a creased textbook splayed out, cover up on your desk.

yep. definitely looked like someone’s lived here.

“ i mean...you could come in if you want. no one’s stopping you. it’s a little messy though, i haven’t found much time to properly clean it yet, with exams coming soon and stuff. “ a small smile accompanies your growing blush, despite how much you were trying to play it off as nonchalantly as possible.

psh, right. as if letting him in your room—something you had never done prior in the history of your friendship—wasn’t a big deal in the slightest.

his eyes shoot wide as his arms flail about. you have to keep yourself from laughing at his silliness.

“ uhm, i mean...only if that’s okay with you! “

“ yeah, yeah, of course! you need a place to stay for now, after all. who knows when bakugou’s gonna let you back in? “

“ yeah, i guess you’re right. well, i mean, if you really don’t mind— “

you playfully roll your eyes, giggling as you shove him into your room.

“ oh, quit it with the politeness. you’re too nice, you know that? “

“ too...nice? “

“ too nice. “ you reiterate, giving his shoulders a little squeeze.

his head lolls to the side as he carefully lowers himself onto your bed, his sweater shifting with the subtle movement.

for a few moments, the space between you is occupied with a simple, comfortable silence. it’s refreshing, really. a welcome difference from all the boisterousness of the academy. you loved the action and everyone’s energy, of course, but sometimes what you really needed was really just a simple break from everything. to do nothing but exist for a little while, to simply be without the constant pressure of having to get up and jump into action all the time. just for a few moments. and so you relished in these said moments spent with him, for who knows when the next time you could ever be with him like this again would be?

and then his voice fills that void of silence, but you’re not disappointed in the slightest.

“ hey. “

“ yeah? “

“ you don’t happen to have any extra bandages, do you? “

“ bandages? for what? “

he clenches his fist, flexing the muscles in his arm. “ for...stability. just in case. i can’t afford for my arms to get hurt more. “

“ oh. well, uhm...i think i have a few spares in my drawer! “ you push yourself off the bed, leaving the comfort the soft sheets brought about, pulling open a tiny drawer. taking out a transparent box of bandages, you jump back onto the plushness, sitting cross-legged directly across from midoriya, who’s already presenting his arm.

your lips silently part as your fingers wrap themselves around the thick ivory fabrics of bandage, rolling them around so you could wrap them around him.

another pause of wordless silence falls.

“ hey deku? “

“ yeah? “

“ could i...could i kiss your scars? “ you whisper, afraid that he’d get mad, though you knew he was anything but the type to do such a thing.

the meadow depths of his eyes kindle a cozy hearth within you as his initial surprise quickly softens, melting away into what could only be described as the most endearing smile to exist.

“ sure. “

jagged patches and uneven streaks of faded cloud white and prominent earthy tans decorate his arms, and you can’t help but bring the rosiness of your lips to meet them. you decide begin with the ones littered along his fingers.

one kiss for the scar resting within the curved dip between his thumb and index.

“ for every time you used just a flick of your fingers to defend everyone back then, when you didn’t even have full control over your quirk. “

a longing sigh leaves him as he reminisces briefly on the memory. you place a soft kiss upon the scar resting at the side of his pinky.

“ for every fist you made with this hand, for every punch you’ve delivered in the name of other’s safety. “

a drop splashed onto his arm, trickling down and tainting the scars etched into his forearm with a subtle, diaphanous sheen. you look up through your lashes, and a prominent gloss coats the kindness of his dark emeralds. your hand comes up to carefully caress his cheek, cupping it gently as the pad of your thumb swipes beneath his eye, wiping away the upcoming tear. your features are knitted together in concern.

“ are you okay? i can stop if you want me to— “

he takes your hand in both of his, squeezing as if to keep you there forever. “ no, don’t. please.“

it’s a tiny whisper, a softened plea into the dark quiet of the night, as if he were ashamed for wanting to be taken care of. your brows curve downward as you pull your twined hands to your lips, tenderly planting your lips where your skin kissed his.

“ hey, hey. it’s okay. it’s okay. “ you hush him, running your free hand through his thick tendrils of vivid, verdant green.

he leans into your touch, nodding at you as if to urge you to continue, which you gladly accept.

you shift a little closer to him, kissing the thick mark of serration painted into the skin of his wrist.

“ for every countless moment you’ve sacrificed for your dream. “

another kiss to the one just above it.

“ for every hour bled into the night that you spent helping me train. “

your fingers dance along his arm, finally stopping at the scar stretching from his elbow and dragging upwards. as per routine, your lips come down to delicately kiss it.

“ for every ‘ plus ultra! ‘ you’ve ever passionately shouted. “

little giggles left the both of you at that.

your touch trails to the scar just beside it, kissing it as well.

“ for every life you’ve ever saved. “

you look him in the eye. holding his arm like this, you were so close to him. and yet, you didn’t want to pull away. if anything, it was the very last thing you would ever want to do. he matched your stare, a certain sense of longing displaying in your gaze as it reflects off of his. the prolonged stare lasts longer than it probably should, longer than what best friends should probably look at each other this closely, this intimately for. the moonlight dimly shines through your window.

and then it happens.

his lips collide with yours in a captivating symphony, hands going straight to twirl through the locks of your hair as you wrap yours in a loose loop around his neck. everything feels as though it had all snapped into place, and the tension you had felt before was all completely dissipated now, displaced into the passion in which this kiss exuded. it was earth-shattering, galaxy-shredding. it felt as if even pain itself could never reach either of you, not in this moment.

this moment was for the both of you, and no one else. in this moment, in his arms, nothing and no one could hurt you.

he pulls away, stunned, lips parted with a saturated red. you stare at him with just about the same level of blankness, of utter shock at what you two had just done.

but then the realization catches up with him, and he is pulled out of the daze. much to your surprise, he doesn’t move away. if anything, he pulls you closer, enveloping both your hands within his just as he did before.

and just as you had done earlier, he brings them to his lips.

“ and that’s for every ‘ i love you ‘ i’ve ever wanted to say to you but never had the guts to. “

[gracelessfighters]

don’t feel (2)

JJ Maybank x female reader

Masterlist

Part one // -- // Part three // Part four

Summary: A week after the last incident with your parents, you’re invited to a kegger with your friends, and unsurprisingly a fight breaks out (literally an awful chapter summary but my brain is mush so you’re gonna have to deal with it)

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: mentions of abuse, actual abuse, fighting, swearing, (highkey haven’t read through so definitely mistakes)

——- I am in no way romanticising abuse if you have any issues with my writing pls message me

A/N: thank you all for the great response to the first part 🥺 🥰 im not 100% sure how many parts there will be because that involves being organised but anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter :)) (also i promise the next chapter will actually have more JJ in it) and I originally wasn’t gonna spend much time writing before the keg but I got carried away so sorry

“Y/N!” You heard from behind you, turning around you’re met with the smiling face of Topper Thornton running up to you.

“Hey T,” you smiled at him, “You good?”

“Yep, um I was wondering are you free tonight?” He asked, you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Depends on why you’re asking.”

“There’s a kegger at the boneyard tonight and we haven’t spent time together in ages, Kelce wants you to go as well.” He tries to widen his eyes in a pleading manner.

“We haven’t spent time together because you’re always with Rafe now, and you know how I feel about him Topper.”

You turn to walk away, but he catches your arm, “I know, but Rafe won’t be there tonight, it’ll just be like old times, please Y/N.”

You consider his offer for a moment, “He really won’t be there?”

“Nope I promise.”

“Fine. I always like a kegger and you better not break that promise T, or it’ll never be like old times again.”

“Yes ma’am.” He salutes you, you roll your eyes at him, trying to hide your smile.

“See you later then.” You give him a small wave and continue heading to your car.

You, Topper and Kelce grew up thick as thieves and they still held a special place in your heart, but ever since they started hanging out with Rafe you’d grown apart. At first you were always invited to hang with them when they were with Rafe, but it didn’t take long for him to start to creep you out - not only by how he looked at you, but also because when he got angry at something he reminded you of your parents, and you never wanted to hang around someone like that. In truth you did miss them, but your mental health was bad enough without another person like that in your life, so you made other friends, not that you liked them as much.

The drive back to your house was nice, the idea you were seeing your friends again made you feel more relaxed than you had in a while, that was until your house came into view, both your parents’ cars sitting on the drive.

It had been a week since the last incident, and life felt suspiciously normal, you knew it was too good to be true though, your parents always acted like they were sorry after hurting you or Grace, then they would still hurt you again. It was a cycle you hated, but not one you could escape easily.

Obviously you couldn’t ask them to go out tonight so once again you were going to risk sneaking out and hoping for the best.

You took a deep breath and got out of your car, heading towards the door, bracing for the possibility your parents might be in bad moods.

Opening the door, you were met with silence, maybe your mum was already passed out from drinking on the sofa or something, but you were sure as hell going to take advantage of it. You crept through the hallway towards the stairs, checking your dad wasn’t in the kitchen, a sense of relief coming through you when you saw he wasn’t, and made your way up to your room.

You fall onto your bed, sighing and looking at the marks on the ceiling. You must have been tired enough to fall asleep, as the next thing you knew there was a soft knock at your door, rousing you from the calm state you were in, “Y/N,” you heard Grace whisper as her head came around the door.

You lifted your head to smile at her, “Hi.”

When she didn’t answer you sat up properly, taking in her appearance, her eyes were red and puffy, her body slightly hunched over, and her lips quivered. Realisation as to what had happened dawned on you, your heart sinking, “Hey come here,” you opened your arms for her.

Without hesitating she moved into your embrace, your arms sliding around her slim frame, pulling her in even closer when you felt the tears on your shoulder.

You stayed like that, rubbing circles on her back with one of your hands until her tears began to subside, when this happened you pulled back slightly, trying to meet her eyes, “Where?” You asked.

She pointed to her ankles, where they were already swollen and bruising.

You stood up, going to the draw you kept supplies for situations like this and pulled out a cream for the swelling and some bandages to try and support the injury.

You began working on it, “What happened Grace?”

She breathed in, sniffling slightly, “I was getting a drink and Mum asked me to get her some wine,” you clenched your jaw, trying to keep your mouth shut until she finished, “and I went to but she had obviously drank a lot already, so even finishing the bottle there wasn’t much in the glass. And when I gave it to her she thought-“ she hiccuped as the tears began falling again, “she thought I was trying to control how much she drank and she pushed me to the floor, and um I think I twisted my ankle on my way down.”

You couldn’t help but seethe with anger, how dare they hurt her, every time it happened, especially when you weren’t in the house, you couldn’t help but hate your parents - they were awful people who you wished would die sometimes, however bad that thought was to have.

“I’m going to kill them.” You stood up quickly, ready to go downstairs and fight your mum, or dad, hell even both of them.

Grace grabbed your hand, “No you won’t.”

You looked at her, the pain in her eyes making you realise she needed you, “I’m sorry, I just hate them so much, especially when they hurt you when I’m not around.”

“Y/N, I know - this is how I feel when they hurt you.”

“Yeah but I’m the older sister, I’m meant to protect you.”

You sank down next to her on the bed, taking her hand, “I’m meant to protect you Grace.”

She leant into your shoulder, “I love you Y/N but you can’t always protect me.”

Closing your eyes you kiss her hair, “I can try, and I love you too.”

You lay on your bed together, using each other’s presence as a comfort until your phone go off, you grab it and see a message from Topper light up your screen:

T - I’m on my way to pick you up please be ready

“Shit I forgot about that”

Your sister sits up to look at you, “What?”

“I said I’d go to a kegger with Topper earlier, obviously I’m not now.”

“Um yes you are.”

“No I’m not, I’m going to stay with you.”

“No,” your sister gave you a hard look, “Our parents ruin so much of our lives at the moment, you’re going to go have fun, even if I have to push you out the window myself.”

You smile at how stubborn she is, “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely, now lets get you ready for Topper.” She says teasingly.

You roll your eyes at her comment, she knows full well you don’t see Topper as anything more than a friend, and she’s always loved to tease you about it.

You end up wearing a small black skirt and a crop top with some red lipstick, ready in time for the next text Topper sent you saying he was at the end of your drive.

“Okay,” you turn to face your sister, “are you sure you’re okay with me going?”

“Yes, now please go.”

“Fine,” you kiss her on her head, and give her a small wave as you climb out your window.

Once you’re in Topper’s car, Kelce jokingly wolf whistling at you, your only response to smile and stick your middle finger up at him.

“It’s been so long since you’ve drank with us I bet your tolerance is shit now Y/N.” Topper smiles from where he’s turned to look at you.

“In your dreams T, I know I could still drink you under the table.” You laugh, sticking out your tongue at him so he could see in the drivers mirror.

By the time you arrived at the boneyard, there were already lots of drunk teenagers stumbling around on the beach, clearly enjoying their night.

Topper clapped his hands together, “Right, let’s have some fun.”

The three of you made your way towards the keg, which tonight was manned by Kiara and JJ, you gave a quick smile to Kie when she handed you your drink, then you looked up at JJ. You had felt his eyes on you as you interacted with Kiara, but only looked at him then, you stared into his blue eyes for what seemed like ages, until Topper took your arm and guided you to where Kelce was sat by the fire.

“How did your exams go then guys?” You asked once you’d sat down.

“Really? We’re at a kegger and you’re asking about exams? You really need to get out more Y/N.” Kelce laughed, nudging your leg with his.

“Fine, what do you want to talk about?”

“Not that.” Topper smirks at you, tossing a coin into your cup.

“Fuck you.” You say before you down the bitter liquid, “Now I’ve got to get another one dipshit.”

As you stand you playfully shove him off the log he’s sat on, and head back towards the keg to get a drink.

This time Kie wasn’t there, only JJ, who you could tell was looking at you as you made your way towards him.

“Uh can I have a refill please?” You hand your red cup to him.

“Wow a kook with manners, that’s almost unheard of.” He smirks at you.

“Unlike the rest of the kooks, you haven’t done anything to make me hate you, yet - so I’ll be nice for now.” You give him a smile and go to reach for your cup, only for him to move it out of your reach, giving you a look you couldn’t decipher.

“What’s your name? I don’t see you around often.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, now can I have my drink?” You say, reaching towards it again.

Before he can say anything else, you hear Topper’s voice from behind you, “Y/N, is this dirty pogue bothering you?”

You can’t help but feel the dread in your stomach, whenever words like that are said there is almost always a fight, and you hate it.

You swivel to look at Topper, “No he’s not, I was just getting a drink,” you try to manoeuvre him away from JJ, not that it was easy, especially when JJ started speaking.

“You know, Topper,” he sneered his name, “she’s her own person you shouldn’t be such a controlling bastard towards her.”

You turned to glare at JJ, but he only grinned at you.

Topper let out something almost like a growl and tackled JJ to the floor.

“For fucks sake, Topper get off him!” You shouted, ready to try and get him off of JJ.

That was until, your head felt like it had been run over by a car, a splitting headache already forming, you looked down to where JJ was being repeatedly punched on the face by Topper, his nose bleeding, and his eyes already beginning to swell up.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. No way is he your soulmate - as far as you know you’ve got nothing in common? And everyone you know hates him, especially because of the fights he gets in. You can feel the stress and tears begin to build at the thought of a life with someone who seemed like he enjoyed fighting, you won’t survive that sort of relationship. Not with how your parents have treated you.

You tried recovering yourself, deep breaths in and out, blocking out the cheers for the fight around you, blocking out the pain in your face as JJ got punched again. And once you’d stopped shaking, you reached forward to try and get Topper off of JJ, for both your sakes apparently.

“Topper! Get the fuck off of him!” You shouted, but as you tried to wrap your arms around him to drag him off, he didn’t move, he was too invested in the fight, not even hearing you apparently - because of this he must have thought you were one of JJ’s friends trying to get him off, so without looking at you, Topper elbowed you in the gut, hard enough you staggered back in pain.

JJ seemed to register the pain you felt, his eyes wide as he looked at you, blood covering his face, but it gave him enough strength to push Topper off of him, and he made his way to you, worry somehow etched on his face even if he was much worse off than you.

Topper seemed to see where JJ was heading, and seeing you bent over, holding your stomach in pain made him realise that he’d hurt you, he pushed past JJ and knelt in front of you.

“Holy shit I’m so sorry Y/N.” His hands were on your cheeks, but you felt nothing, nothing except the tears that now escaped from your eyes.

You removed yourself from his touch, “Don’t fucking come near me Topper.”

You stood up, turning in the sand and began heading off the beach, only to feel Topper grip your arm, “Y/N I’m sorry, please don’t be mad.”

“I said not to touch me!” You shouted, ripping your arm away from him, when you noticed the stares you were getting from other people on the beach you lowered your voice, “It didn’t matter that Rafe didn’t come tonight in the end, because you’re just as bad as him now and I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

He stared at you wordlessly, shock and hurt written on his face - not that you cared right now, he had hurt you, maybe by accident yes, but he knew about your home life and because he lost control, you wanted to hate him and never see him again.

He let you walk off that time, passing Kelce who looked like he wanted to talk to you but instead went over to Topper.

When you got to the road you realised you’d now have to walk home, so you quickly shook the sand out of your shoes then headed down the road in the direction of your house.

It was only a minute until you got interrupted again, “Hey Y/N,” JJ shouted from where he was running to catch up with you.

God you didn’t want to deal with this tonight but he’d probably just follow you home if you didn’t talk to him.

So you turned to face him, “What?”

“Are you okay?”

“Are you?” You raised your eyebrows at him, he’d been the one to get beaten up properly after all.

“I’ve had worse.” He shrugged, then rubbed the back of his neck, looking at you shyly “but um I felt your pain which means you must’ve felt mine and you know what that means.”

“Right now it means nothing JJ, I can’t deal with this tonight so please, leave me alone.”

He could obviously see how rough you felt, you were pretty sure you were still crying, and you were tired, so tired, and falling out with topper was one thing, but also realising your fucking soulmate was JJ Maybank was just something you couldn’t handle tonight.

He raised his hands, “Okay we’ll talk about this at some point, and I am so sorry Y/N, truly.” His eyes were shining slightly, but you could tell he was being genuine.

You nodded and turned around again to head home, leaving him at the side of the road.

You weren’t sure how long the walk home took, it seemed to pass in minutes with the number of thoughts that were racing through your head, it was as if you were on autopilot, climbing the trellis with ease, not even thinking where you were putting your hands and feet.

You were so out of it, you didn’t even realise your bedroom light was on, when you hadn’t turned it on before you left, so when you climbed into your room the last thing you expected to see was your mum and dad sitting on your bed with their arms crossed, expressions of pure anger on their faces.

(feel like this isnt my best but I am enjoying writing it also there might be fluff at some point but certainly not the next chapter whoops)

Part three

Tag list: @outerbongs​ @jjaybank @bailspogue @outerbankslut @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @alexa-playafricabytoto @teamnick @k-k0129 @do-not-talk-to-me-i-am-awkward @thoughtsofthestars @http-cherries @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @thesurfingsnail @lonely-kermit @oopsiedoopsie23 @overly-b​ @lus-shh @xlittlemissydjx @asaks6082 @copper-boom @danicarosaline @deathcompass @jellyfishbeansontoast @butterfliesinthenightsky @iamaunicorn4704 @my-soul-is-the-moon @diverrdown @thorsangel @saintkore @prejudic3 (please tell me if I’ve missed someone cos I’m dumb and it’s late)

[shijiujun]

[History3: MODC] Ep 1-2 Summary - SOMEONE PROTECC XI GU PLS

Alright guys! I managed to make it home in time, and watched both episodes, but I guess I’m able to do a mini summary of sorts - But my verdict on the show is while the first two episodes seem a tad bit slow in terms of plot but there ARE NO GLARING PLOTHOLES THANK GOD and i gotta say I LOVE XI GU AND HAO TING AND BO XIANG AND ZHI GANG AND THE TWINS LMAO THEY ALL SO CUTE and surprisingly I like the main girl as well Si Yu although okay it kinda sucks that she’s going after Xi Gu while still attached to Hao Ting unless she was aiming for threesome but then no communication there and FRANKLY it might even be a love rectangle between Xi Gu - Hao Ting - Nintendo Switch - Si Yu lmao 

We start off with Hao Ting and gang (the fiercer twin, Gao Qun, Bo Xiang and the other guy whose name I still don’t know but he’s a Singaporean actor) in class and the Chinese teacher reading off abysmally low scores ranging like in the 30s and below out of a 100, and guess what our lovely main lead Hao Ting scores THIRTEEN OUT OF A HUNDRED

And okay you gotta give it to Hao Ting - He’s a little shit but he’s a CHARISMATIC little shit with a glib tongue, anyway the teacher yells at him for being not serious about graduating and his friends cheer him on and are just generally obnoxious, and then Hao Ting quips that this is about freedom yeah, and of course the teacher is like fuck you dumbass & threatens Hao Ting that if he dares to leave this class he doesn’t have to come back

Don’t ever dare and threaten your dumbass jocks in class cuz they hear a dare they gonna CARRY OUT THE DARE TEACHERS HAVE YOU NOT LEARNT ANYTHING - so Hao Ting leaps over a desk and runs out much to the cheers of his friends and everyone in class who get up and run to the windows and doors to watch him go - And then one of his friends yell at him to ask him to buy fried chicken early from the canteen I think

And then cut to the next scene - The gang at the courtyard/stage thingy and Gao Qun filmed the whole thing earlier and is showing to everyone while they eat fried chicken, and then Hao Ting demands for 300 NTD each from his friends, who refuse to pay lmao although Hao Ting digs into Bo Xiang’s pocket and digs out some coins and keeps them 

Then Hao Ting’s girlfriend pings him and he runs off

Cut to the infirmary, and HT’s shirt is half off as his girlfriend Si Yu is helping him to ice his shoulder and spray muscle relaxant on his back - She’s chiding him for being so reckless earlier and asking him not to do that again because she’ll be worried, and HT obviously soaks in the attention and TLC from her, and then they proceed to MAKE OUT

Pretty good makeout scene really, although idg why the camera angle had to show like her cleavage specifically like LMAO ARE U ALLOWED TO SHOW THE CLEAVAGE OF A TECHNICALLY UNDER-18 GIRL?!!! No idea, anyway, things get really heated up, but they’re interrupted

And XI GU makes his first appearance here!!! He’s taking a nap in the infirmary and is totally disturbed by these two horny teenagers, in any case SY and HT go out, although SY’s eyes are totally on XG as they leave - She’s curious about him

Then the infirmary doctor comes in, and obviously XG is like the apple of everyone’s eyes and I GET IT BECAUSE WHEN HE SMILES IT’S DEVASTATING - So the doctor is chiding him for not eating lunch (and if you read the character intro translation I did you’ll know it’s because XG is poor and he wants to save money, like that’s driving force behind all his actions for now at least) and because of that XG is obviously thin as fuck and pale like Edward Cullen - So doc tells him to take more care of himself and rest etc. etc.

And then side character 1 and side character 2 - SY’s friends, the girl (SC1) calls herself a fujoshi and is obviously a fan of XG and you’re a bit creepy but I get you girl, and then anw SY is asking SC1 about XG after she sees that XG is first in exams again, and SY gurl don’t two-time please

HT is DYING to buy a Switch, and after dinner with his fam, he tries to secretly ask him mom for money but the mom and sis totally gives him away and the dad threatens to hit him to see if ‘he’ll be more normal’ after that LMAO - and anw dad chases HT to the room but HT wins by shutting the room door and son and dad yell at one another through the door - But despite this u can see that they’re really close

Mom and sis settled on the couch eating fruits in the chaos - a MOOD

Then next day SY catches up to XG as he’s walking to (class? to lunch? idk?) and asks him to tutor her, and XG rejects her of course cuz he likes to study alone and he hates everyone else kinda but she insists and he refuses and then because they’re doing this on the stairs she slips and OF COURSE SMOL XG catches her and upstairs, the fiercer Xia twin videos it and them in that position

Fiercer Xia twin meets the rest of the gang on the rooftop but no one has much of a reaction to his news until he pulls out the video - HAO TING EATING REGARDLESS OF THE NEWS IS LIKE A BIG MOOD REALLY - the nicer Xia twin tries to speak up for XG because they’re like classmates, and then WHOA there’s a strange like almost-kiss moment as Xia En and Xia De like confront each other over that

HT finishes eating and goes confidently, “She won’t like him”

And then he goes to the infirmary wanting to take a nap right, and when he pulls open the curtain THERE XI GU IS ASLEEP AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET THE HAO TING FALLING ON XI GU ON THE BED SCENE FROM THE TRAILERS - And HT groans, “First he ruins my plans and then now he’s taken my bed”

HT reaches for a red pen from the table on the other side of Xi Gu’s bed and of course he falls and lands on the bed, and then XI GU WAKES UP AND HORRORRRRR

Doc comes in and reprimands HT for bullying/disturbing XG basically

And then I can’t remember where the scene is exactly but XG at some point goes to work at Zhi Gang’s soy milk store?!!! I think or cafe that sells soy milk lmao, and Zhi Gang asks if he’s eaten dinner, and XI GU SO CUTELY SMILES OMGGG and lies that he has, but obviously ZG already knows that XG is lying and already bought dinner for him, and also lets XG go home early out of consideration for XG’s studying schedule since he’s also studying to graduate this sem I think?!

Oh okay then before this scene, we have THIRSTY BO XIANG AT HIS COUSIN’S GYM WIPING THE EQUIPMENT AND ALSO TAKING SECRET PHOTOS OF ZHI GANG - His cousin catches him, makes a scene and he’s ZG’s personal trainer I think and when he lifts up ZG’s shirt to ‘check’ on his progress, wow, BX DROOLS OKAY

And then at some point, Si Yu ambushes XG in class and gets him to tutor her after school because he stays behind for two out of five days, and then the twins find out, so when the time comes, the fiercer twin bullies XG out of class, and SY is left disappointed 

HT basically begins to skip school and part time, and helps his mom to give out flyers in his neighbourhood to earn some extra money, and he also somehow cheats his mom by deliberately over-counting his daily part-time rate LMAO, but the sis does the math and outs him, and dad chases after him to try to hit him again but HT ain’t scared at all and they just play cat and mouse

And then the gang corners XG during lunch, bully him and basically makes him late HALF AN HOUR for class which has NEVER HAPPENED TO PERFECT ATTENDANCE AND ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE XI GU - He’s distressed because he needs a perfect attendance record and grades to get scholarship for university - So he’s fucking distressed, and the nicer twin at the back obviously sees it and he FEELS BAD and XG didn’t eat lunch again so he’s having gastric probably

End of the class XG begs the teacher not to record his tardiness because he really needs the scholarship, but the teacher is like everyone saw you come in so damn late, how can he like not put it on record? But when XG insists - white-lipped and shaking and all - teacher asks him to tell him why - and so XG tells him (which also doesn’t help him in terms of being bullied more by the gang when they find out)

So the gang ends up sweeping the corridor lmao

XG once again goes to work and kind-hearted LOVELY OPPA ZHI GANG gives him a bread again and asks him to go home early to study CRIES WHERE IS MY DADDY LONG LEGS

and BX probably because of his punishment, is unable to go to the gym for a while, but ZG asks the cousin where BX is

End of episode 2 shows BX on his bicycle cursing his cousin out for making him go all the way out to like... find a soy milk store, and GUESS WHAT SOY MILK STORE BELONGS TO HANDSOME ZHI GANG OKAY

Oh yeah and then he sees his lovely oppa in store helping XG to straighten out his collar and then he gets jelly

and the next day he confronts XG and pushes him against the wall and THE EPISODE ENDS HERE LIKE STOP DIS BULLYING

THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW:

This is pretty damn cute so far i have to admit, and I PROMISE YOU ONE OF THESE EPISODES, XI GU IS GONNA FAINT FROM HUNGER OR ILLNESS AND THEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT HOW POOR HE IS AND HAO TING CARRIES HIM TO THE INFIRMARY AND THEN BULLY GANG REGRETS BEING SO MEAN TO HIM

And for now, it seems like Si Yu may actually be supportive when she finds out that HT has taken an interest in XG - More on that in the next trailer I think, because somehow HT will mess up and XG ends up losing his first place on the exams and walks away dejectedly as HT regrets being a fucking idiot

And also at some point Zhi Gang will see Bo Xiang having fun with another girl on the streets and be all pissed and jelly and withdraw, and then HT tells BX to please go apologise and get him back, which BX attempts to do - CRIES HANDSOME OPPA IS DEFINITELY ZHI GANG OKAY

***

For @decadentdeerpolice <3

[toknowyoumore]

spoiler: it was a terrible idea... but i feel good

I’m gonna try a little something, and this could either be a kinda good or absolutely terrible idea. I need to write something important, but I’m not in a writing mood right now, at least for the topics I need to write about. But I know I’m at least a decent writer when it comes to things I do like writing about. That’s why I’m going to drink a fair amount of alcohol to get my creative juices flowing - and also to get me to sleep earlier than 5 am. I’m probably gonna take this down once I submit the actual thing.

Jameson and Canada Dry on the rocks pls glub glub glub

Okay, let’s start.

Growing up with a single mother wasn’t the easiest thing, especially when I heard her screams of pain in the early morning when I was in fifth grade. My mother was diagnosed with breast and brain cancer. Though I didn’t know at the time, my parents were separated. But I still remember the first time walking into the hospital with my dad and seeing Mom on the hospital bed. I remember her stopping midway during our conversation because she lost the ability to breathe. I remember not being in a panic but rather in confusion when my dad told me to go out and get a nurse to help immediately. And in about a minute, a nurse saw a 11-year-old child asking for help for his mom who wasn’t breathing. I remember seeing my mother in the room again afterwards - except now with some sort of breathing machine. I know now that that machine is called a ventilator.

Living was confusing after that. I didn’t know how to feel. I remember being scared at some points but not deathly afraid. I didn’t entertain the thought of Mom passing because the thought just wasn’t real to me. (Spoiler alert, she didn’t, and she’s still in top condition today despite a number of tumors throughout the years. I promise this won’t be a sappy story.) Or maybe I just didn’t correctly process my thoughts and emotions. Was there even a correct way? Maybe all of this just led to me becoming who I am now?

Fourth wall break - okay, so this was a terrible idea. I’m going so off track, and this whole thing was supposed to highlight my good side, but screw it, I’m gonna keep going with this and see where it leads. Before we continue, another glass pls glub glub glub thank you - fourth wall unbreak.

The purpose of me writing that story was to talk about a childhood experience and an example of how I overcame adversity. But now that I’ve arrived to this part of the page, I can’t really think of how I really overcame adversity here. Sure, I got through a hardship that would be difficult for any child, but I don’t remember ever being in deep anguish. In normal terms, this experience would make one more aware of the tribulations in the world and ultimately become more human. But somehow - thinking back to this moment - I’m being hit from all directions with, “It made you less human.” A human would typically mourn from this. I really didn’t, or at least I don’t think I did.

I got lazy. My grandmother took care of me at that point, but she didn’t force me to go to school. I almost had to repeat fifth grade because I had so many absences.

If someone wrote about this experience in their college essay, you may see something like, “From this, I took responsibility and started taking care of myself, building my time management skills and independence.” Nope, none of that here. I was an 11-year-old only child with a grandmother who struggled to walk up the stairs.

I barely had any actual friends in my elementary school, middle school, and most of high school. By “actual friends,” I mean people who I’d talk or chill with out of school. My only community really was my church. Even though we don’t see each other now as often or we’ve drifted apart, something special still resides in those bonds. Despite how I feel about the church and Christianity now, I know for a fact that the friends I had there made my life worthwhile. It’s what made me more human. It’s what got me through adversity.

It’s not about what I did that lifted me up. There wasn’t some switch that I just activated by myself in my brain that suddenly pushed me to take responsibility, start caring for my family, and being a decent person. It wasn’t me; it was my friends. I would always be inspired by them - their words, their actions, even their humor. I wanted to be like them. And over time, I think I changed for the better. And even today, I’ve been making it a goal - maybe even my top goal - to be a decent human being to others.

Fast forward to senior year of high school, when I’m applying to colleges. The common motif of myself and everybody on the planet - say it with me now, “I want to help people.” Who doesn’t? But how? The medical field was something that, to be honest, never really held my interest much back in high school. Some elements of being a medical doctor were appealing to me, though I just wasn’t very gung-ho about the entire thing. I apply to a local university as a safety because I know all my friends were going there, and in my back of my mind, I knew I was too. The local university allows me to apply to multiple schools of varying professions within itself. I apply to its pharmacy school on a whim. I get wait-listed. I then get accepted. My senior year crush decides to go to the same school. And before life offered me the pros and cons, I was a pharmacy student.

There is one big con I should mention though: I knew nothing about pharmacy. I didn’t care a lick about it. No one in my family is a pharmacist. I didn’t really have a “want” to do it. There was no reason for me to pursue it. The only reason I did have was that I could drop out of the program in two years if I didn’t like it without any repercussions. It was strategically sound.

Two years later, I still wasn’t sure about my decision. But just like the last two years flew by, the next one did. And then the next one. And then the next after that. There was never any love for pharmacy. It was, “study for this exam, take the exam, study for that exam, take that exam, memorize a script for this practical, ace the practical, start joining pharmacy organizations, don’t attend the meetings.” My interests during college were elsewhere. They were in leading worship, learning how to help people with depression, and hanging out with my friends, which were all amazing things. But pharmacy still had little room for passion in my life.

Then one year ago, in January 2018, things started to change. It was my last semester taking classes and exams. My rotation schedule for the next year was arranged. Pharmacy was suddenly starting to become much realer to me. Internal medicine, cardiology, emergency department, transitions of care - it was a lot. But for the first time, it didn’t feel like a drag. Rather, it felt like something I knew I had to do, however daunting it initially felt. And I wanted to excel at it. I asked early for extra projects. I went to networking events, which I never even thought about going to. I did things that were outside of my original scope of simply getting a pharmacy degree. I interviewed for a volunteer position at a clinic, where only two students would get accepted, and got it. I attended a class and got certified for mental health first aid, which literally no one told me to do. I quit my job at CVS. I borrowed a book from a local library to study for a certification exam, which I passed, to help me get a job elsewhere. I applied for jobs, which I didn’t get. I asked on a whim to shadow one of my professors at a behavioral health facility for a day and ended up with another research project on my hands to work on over the weekends. That semester was also the first time I was actually looking forward to a class - two to be exact: “Neuropsychiatric Therapeutics” and “Concepts in Psychiatric Pharmacotherapy.” My interests in mental health and pharmacy were colliding.

To this day, I still don’t know what happened. Maybe it was the rush of sweet change that got me working harder. Or maybe it was the “real world” that was finally looming over the horizon, and I wanted to quickly pack some stuff into my resume. Surely, there were some moments in that semester that I faked passion for pharmacy for the sake of making myself look better. But all of a sudden, pharmacy was starting to become more than just something that consumed my life every day with notes and exams. And for some bizarre reason, I was beginning to enjoy it. 

There was no one who turned on my switch, no one who told me to take initiative - yet I was acting as if some sort of external force was pushing me to take leaps as a student. But there wasn’t.

My interests were finally lining up with what I was studying for about five years, and I was starting to take things into my hands to make it that way even more. Yes, that is why I was, at last, beginning to take hold a new passion for a profession that I never thought of myself being in. The interest in helping people, in being a decent human being, that I’ve built over the years because of my friends, my church - they were becoming tangible. There was no need for someone to flip a switch in my head. Something like this didn’t really need one.

And that’s what I’m hoping I could do. Whether that’d be now as a student or in the future as a pharmacist, I want to inspire others the same way that my friends inspired me in my past, to fuel people’s interests and motivations that they may not even know they have. The truth is, you’re helping people all the time. You don’t just have to be counseling them on a medication. And you don’t just have to be giving them a vaccination. You help people in your everyday actions and conversations. Every word of encouragement, every piece of advice, every lighthearted joke has a way of changing one’s life for the better. And as for yourself, you become a little bit closer to becoming that “decent human being.” Pharmacy is just one path - the path that I’ve taken - to help me to reach that goal.

There are still some things I fake, of course. Besides, I don’t know if this road ahead for me is the best one. But writing all this out - it’s clear I’ve come a long way already. And I know that even if this path doesn’t necessarily work, I’ll still probably learn something. Hopefully, at least. 

Not the most horrible idea. But it’s still terrible because this goes so off-track about the topics I’m supposed to write for my real thing. Nevertheless, I feel pretty good about what I wrote. Also, it’s 5 am. The alcohol didn’t help with that at all.

[eunwoonii]

ASTRO

because titles are original

ok so i’m probably going to put a “read more” because i’m about to get emotional over astro and i don’t wanna ruin anyone’s dash either jlkfgdfjlkgf, pls be aware it’s midnight and i’m emo

I’ve discovered ASTRO on aug 2, 2017, by a friend (kis ily) who shared me their famous “catching cicada” video (and tbh I laugh more to this than anything else even now). Last year then, I got interested in them and thanks to friends I was able to know more about them, which members, etc. and I had that massive crush on Dongmin that I still have, he’s my UB and no one will ever make me think otherwise,,,,

So by their CSC comeback I had listened to their singles and they weren’t really part of my life, I loved them a lot so I listened sometimes to their songs but that was most of it, I had school & a bunch of other stuff going on and I was 14, I didn’t know stuff about kpop and so I had no idea of how comebacks worked. On november though, like the 1st of november, I saw their Music Bank CSC comeback and oof was I amazed. Like I think I sat in front of my TV for 5 minutes because I wanted to know if they were going to do it again jgfdljdg

So CSC became one of my Favourite Songs Ever and I got more into astro from then, knowing more about them, their past, their dramas, and all that kind of stuff, their famous memes (hi dongminion) but it wasn’t that much still.

In january 2018, I had a twitter acc that is now suspended but i saw their ISAC and I had finally downloaded most of their songs, plus I had kpop friends in my class and I was like pls stan them i love them and that allowed me to know more about kpop in general (I only stanned astro and knew some other groups but that’s all), and so it was the nicest moments, listening to astro while getting back from school, before sleeping, and because I loved them so much I decided to try and learn korean so that I could say something cool if I ever met them (plot twist: im bad at it). I would celebrate the members’ birthdays and I started my first and probably only one at this point binu fic, and I fell in love with Dongmin even more I guess.

I don’t really remember the date but in march something the fantagio drama started and oh boy was I worried, I legit cried a lot during that time because I was worried and couldn’t sleep properly, because they had brought a lot of positivity for me and hope, I’ll get to that later but yeah you have the point.

And then, I got really confused with school, friendships, dealing with that kind of stuff was complicated and my twitter acc + first tumblr acc got suspended for no reason apparently, so even though I kept on listening to astro I wasn’t really aware of what they were doing, I had some news but there wasn’t any comeback and with what was happening it would’ve been hard to see one. From march to june, I had exams + personal stuff and shit was hard to deal with, so like some people in the fandom who had personal things I didn’t hear much from astro except for big news. I still don’t understand the whole fantagio drama but I was already lost in my life.

When I learnt they would have their comeback in july, on the 24th, I cried, when I saw Always You for the first time, I cried, and well I cried while listening to all of the album that’s not a surprise. I was so, so, so, so, so, so happy they could perform again, that they didn’t disband, that they were there, I could see them, their hard work, the lyrics to their songs that made me cry even more, I’m a crying mess but I was honestly so happy I kept on screaming for 8h that day. 

Which brings us to now, it’s the 15th of august, and that chronology would be a perfect way to sum up how astro led me to who I am now, if I didn’t talk about the emotional aspect.

Last october, I turned 15, and at this time I questioned myself on so many things, gender identity, sexuality, my future, and I was so confused about everything and I kept it all to myself and wasn’t able to be happy. So on that nov 2, 2017, I think I had given up on understanding anything at this moment, I saw their Music Bank CSC comeback. My thought while seeing Dongmin, all of astro while they performed? “That’s who I wanna be. I wanna be like them.” There’s a 0% chance I will end up becoming Dongmin ofc but I had found a model for my life, someone to get attached to so I wouldn’t be depressed anymore, or I would get happier and be able to live properly. Which I did, I was really happy and even though times weren’t the simplest, that’s when I aspired to become someone astro could be proud of, that’s still my goal today.

Astro had helped me during that time, and I didn’t know that but they would help me a lot. There was a super interesting twitt thread on how kpop/biases are models and lift people’s spirits up, and I think that happened to me. Since I’m depressed, I had many low times, and guess what musics would I listen to during those times? Yeah, you got it. Baby or Breathless are songs that instantly make me feel better, most of their songs do actually, but that helped me so much, I could dance (plot twist: im bad at this too) to their songs freely, I can’t learn the choregraphies properly but just dancing to their songs is incredible.

That’s what, with a lot of positivity in early 2018, helped me be someone reasonable, I was proud of myself, I loved astro, my friends, my boyfriend, etc. I was really happy and I got to know more people because of kpop too (I got into nct, got7, exo, and a bunch of other groups) so that really was a good time.

I was so, so afraid when the fantagio drama started, and I don’t really know what happened at this point, things are still confused in my mind but I still listened to astro whenever I could, whether I was in a good mood or in a bad mood. And then, in april-may, I did things, that I’m not proud of, and thanks to a lot of help and astro I was able to get together better. All of this because “I can become someone astro would be proud of, I don’t owe them anything but they’re what’s keeping me in shape somehow”, and just jamming to their songs is the perfect feeling.

I love and love astro more than any other kpop group, because I learnt their hard times, their best moments, their fears, and when they had their comeback last month, I felt relieved. I had been maybe at my worst in april/may/june, but with them, I found a new reason to smile, because I couldn’t just drop them after all the fears, stress, obstacles they’ve been through for their comeback, even to just work. “If astro went through it, I can go through it so that I’ll be able to be a better person”. It seems harsh but it’s surprisingly a motto I still have, I don’t seek on making things difficult and worse for me, but I was somehow more able to separate the real difficulties for me from things that I shouldn’t take care of.

On aug, 2, 2018, I did the thing i’m not proud of again, maybe some of it have guessed it but that’s not the point. I know I’ll forever regret it, because I did it after being clean for 2 months, and on my birthday-of-knowing-astro, astro which has been the group to help me the most during last year and this year, and it’ll take time for me to fully assume my actions and their consequences. Even though I got support from friends, especially from two really close to mine (kis and nicole ily), I won’t be fully capable of not hating me for having done this.

But I know, at the end of the day, that I’ll be able to go through it. Why? “Because I can still be someone astro would be proud of”. It’s naive from me to believe astro would even care about me particularly, but I don’t care and if this helps me to get better, then so be it. I have no contract or deal with astro that tells me that I have to have them as models, but I will continue to admire them.

Astro has probably been one of the hardest-working groups I’ve ever seen, I’m not saying other groups are lazy but they’ve had already a ton of comebacks, events, astroads, fanmeetings, kdramas, events, mc duties to be in, and I’ve never heard bad things about them. Ofc haters are a thing, and a lot of kpop groups have hard work, but they are the only group that I know that have put all their time and energy for that, and most importantly, they kept on smiling. They’re the group I love the most, because they don’t complain, they’re all talented in their own ways, my bias may be Dongmin but let me go to hell if I say that I don’t like any of the other members. I could quote their qualities forever, they’re not perfect of course but they put dedication, time, love, work, their own fears, doubts, or happiness into these albums. Plus, they’re always excited as puppies for everything, they’re all cute, visuals, if I see a picture of them I can’t stop smiling for 3h,,,

So astro has been a really important part of my life, yes. Whatever astro does, as long as it’s not harmful to people, I’ll be by their side, I like to hear from them, see them, support them in any way I can, reblog, like, tweet, whatever I can do to be someone they would be proud of, even if they don’t know me.

Through all the things they lived, and did, I was able to live too, that’s why astro is and will forever be my UG, and Dongmin is my ideal man, wait no all of them are my ideal men, in terms of who I want to be. If they chose us, arohas, if they’re always going to choose you, then I will always choose them.

It’s now 1am, almost 2, and I haven’t stopped writing since midnight,,,, I’m tired help me

TL;DR: I’m very proud of ASTRO, they have That Power of making me happy, I said I didn’t owe them anything since they don’t know me but I owe them my life. I will always, always, thank them all for what they’ve done. Maybe I’m being an extreme fan but I don’t really care as long as I don’t turn into a harmful fan. They led me to a better life already, and I’ll forever be thankful to them, even if they don’t know me, even if they don’t know that story.

you can reblog this or like this, i don’t rlly care, i felt like i had the need to explain that today (it’s a special day for me too!!) and if yall leave replies ill be the happiest man on earth tbh. ty to those who read the whole thing, yall know about my life with astro and im glad if it helps you know me better! 

[dramamamaie]

day 39 pt 2

so in the morning when i went to work it was pretty usual the same route just abit later cos my bus was hecka slow but still on time and i saw one guy who sits around me who is pretty cute and wearing a new shirt, blue and super flowery but still cute the first we actually talk? I think is js him cos i opened the door for him and he has manners engf to say thanks. Than we took the same lift like uk the we know each other existence but nothing else not even name. So after reaching the office i started to prepare for the day cos i kind of invigilate exams so yea had to turn on the laptops and prep when luke came into the office he would walk past my table and today his mood is literally so good i was so ???? did he finally wake up on the correct side of the bed??? den after the start of the exam i texted nico if i should eat breakfast anot and he is the only who would entertain me for breakfast so when he came over we decided to go downstairs for a small snack cause we already planned to go airport for lunch. We went down to the canteen downstairs and had sandwich and a cup of teaaa its bombz when we sat down and had our usual small talk May suddenly text me

May: "Jan(me)"

May : "Your boss came to your table and left something"

At this point reading these two sentence i as ready to run back and up and see if anything went wrong that's why he came over. Cause luke lets me do whatever i want as long as when it comes to work i get it down first and whenever he needs me its for something important

Jan: "??? what he put ? why he come?"

May : " idk youngie says its a phone stand holder and its damn cute "

READING THIS GAVE me so much freaking like i took a deep breathe of relief whenever luke come to me normally isn't good. I was so confused at what it was and was a little bit like "what isit what isit"

So i just continue having my breakfast and went back upstairs so i can take a look at what he gave and it was the exact same phone holder that he has on his table which i said was cute and something i would want but don't have when we were having a meeting and some girl suddenly intrude and asked what is a good gift for youngsters nowadays for a reward. When i opened the box i was squealing and i quickly said my thanks to him and it went like

me: "thank you *inserts a sticker of a cartoon running wif a flower* its really cute!"

luke: *smiley face emoji*

Den i heard from Youngie and May he was making his daily pot of hot water and because near the area i was sitting in was near the water dispenser. He suddenly walked over and brought the box with him and slowly and careful put down the box on top of my laptop and smile a lil AND THAT LADIES AND GENTS freaking love him to death he is always so hard and suddenly so soft im inloveeee like i see him as a dad he is literally ny dad age man.

But yea so i started working again and suddenly May told me to "eh you should look up" den i "huh??? wait i busy" but i still looked up and around and realised wingx LOOKS HECKA GOOD he was wearing formal and is the kind of formal where it fits the male really well and show off their good points and oof really took my breathe away. i just said "oof he wearing formal" i paused for 3 seconds "that ass is looking good" HAAHHAHAA oops den i continued working till 12 and i went over to the lab cos there was nothing else to do and nobody in the office wants to entertain me (and wingx was thr how can i miss a feast for the eyes) so i went over and just walked into the room they were in and went over to cisco seat cos he wasn't there and basically every other seat was taken but actually his seat has the best view to the entire office. So i took a seat and someone asked why im there and i just replied "ask eggy he knows why im here" and he "hm???" cos he was just drinking his water and i cued him he just "ah yea ik why she is here" HAHAHAH we just have this thing where he understands me and ik the things he say no matter how superficial he is being. I just kept my eyes on wingx while he walked around and we just made a few eye contacts but he was still talking to someone else so i didnt say anything to him i just told eggy "im thinking about your offer of framing the picture up" den he eyes widen and said "are you srs?" i just laughed and continue looking at wingx. At one point after about 10 mins he was still doing his stuff but not as busy i just "eh shuaige(handsome guy)" he looked up and "不要这样叫我额"(dont call me that eh) in an exasperated voice but honestly no regrets was damn looking.

The other time i called him that was a day before when i was there after lunch and all of them wad there too and i sat in between him and eggy cos that was the only seat left and eggy is the only person who entertains everything i say no matter how dumb it is. So Eggy just woke up from his nap (our company has a culture where they sleep after lunch for some people not everyone but eggy is one of them) and he was still not very awake and wingx was doing his stuff and i didnt want to disturb him so i just stared at eggy while he stood from his seat and walk out to the pantry and get some water and when the door closed i just turned back and look at my phone waiting for him to come back. Suddenly next to me came a voice "what you ate for lunch" i just internally 'huh who is talking to me???' den i looked up and i realised it was wingx talking to me while still doing his work and since he started we just had a convo.

me: "porridge ah"

him: "from where ah got so many places"

me: "downstsirs ah the pantry there"

him: "wah got so 可怜(pitiful) anot"

i just laughed and said "no ah just don't know what to eat and also sian go so far eat alr"

den i continued "u eh never eat again? dieting again ah?" cos the day before (another day before but i shall continue this first) he didn't eat either

him: "ya" den our convo kind of stopped there abit den i eggy came back and i talked with eggy and suddenly i realised in my pocket i had a packet of honey lemon sweet den i just offer to eggy first deb u turned to him "uw sweet?" den he "yes pls" "eh wait got sugar one anot?" its herbal sweet darling there isn't any sugar coated stuff but i just replied a no and laughed den when i gave him the sweet i tot like cos its a semi hard sweet he wld suck on it or smth but he freaking bite it MONSTER and im lz to continue laterrrr suckers

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S19

Lmao @ Shikamaru flirting with Temari before greeting the Kazekage #Priorities 

Why bother giving these kids the data from those chunin exams they were there they ARE the data

“You'd know more about the reason behind the interruption of the final rounds and its chronology” Shizune fucking calling out the Sand omg ‘remember when u tried to murder us? I do’

“She hasn't changed a bit” and u love her for it Shikamaru

Why is Kakashi even here lmao he doesn't have a team of Genin this time around it's just because he's competent and adorable I guess

The Team 7 outro I weep SP is really stabbing me in the heart

Fu is a handful and I love it

“You want to find some way to bond with the rebels?” historically that's actually worked out pretty well it seems

I'M SCREAMING ARE WE GONNA SEE SAKURA'S CHUNIN EXAM

“She just might be tougher than [Shikamaru]” Ino <3 Sakura 5ever

KAKASHI COME INSPIRE YOUR BABY GENIN SHE DESERVES THIS

I feel a little ripped off that Kakashi didn't get to be the Angel of Cheering People Up but I'm proud of Sakura either way and I am i n  l o v e with the idea of watching her Chunin exams

They were so excited to see Naruto it's a shame he's not real

This timeline where everyone takes the Chunin exams a year before Naruto comes back implies that there were at minimum 9 Leaf Chunin made in a single exam

It also puts very little distance between Neji making Chunin and Jonin but I guess to be fair Kakashi was made a jonin at 9

Hjghdskhfhlvhl Team Guy Dynamics:

Tenten: We're being split up?

Lee: We'll be on our own for this?

Neji: [already walking away]

SHIKAMARU INVIGILATES LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN WHAT A DRAMA HOE

“Thanks for having my back” Literally half of Shikamaru's screen time is flirting with Temari I love it

Neji why do you have to be so dramatic do you really need to use jutsu as visual aids in your explanations

THIS BITCH FIGHT BETWEEN NEJI AND THE SAND SHINOBI IS SO GREAT

Sand Siblings @ Gaara probably: Will you stop talking about Naruto for like ten fucking seconds

Neji stepping in to save his girl Tenten my heart

Fu is so cute omg “I want to make a hundred friends”

I'm willing to believe Neji can recognize a jinchuriki's chakra right away bc of his fight with Naruto

“Dwelling on the misfortunes of birth is meaningless” same Shira same

I have a hard time believing Sakura couldn't take down that scorpion without Fu but plot I guess

I CAN'T BELIEVE FU JUST ASKED THE KAZEKAGE TO TAKE A BATH WITH HER

“Gaara!” “Sorry, just thinking” Fuck how often does Temari have to shake Gaara out of thinking about Naruto lmao

Kiba has to spread his legs as widely as possible mid-air his philosophy is truly ‘Dicks out for Shinobi’

Ninja who are about to partake in infiltration, loudly: Scatter!

I also have a hard time believing that a Byakugan user of Neji's skill would be so easily taken in by genjutsu

Honestly Team Guy is prime OT3 material their teamwork is amazing and they lift each other up constantly  

This is the second time in this set of exams that Team Guy has helped not only their competitors but also ninja from a different village the Leaf truly raises their babies right

“I wanna know which one's more valuable to the village... is it the boulder or you?” Still working on the charisma thing huh Gaara

Every mission Team Guy goes on:

Tenten/Neji: Lee how about we think about this before we start-

Lee: JUMPING INTO ACTION

“Please apologize to him!” I adore Lee

I'M SCREAMING NEJI IMPLYING THAT HE IS RIVALS WITH NARUTO INSTEAD OF LEE HE'S TRYING TO BREAK UP THE BAND

‘Hey Shira what's your technique?’ ‘Breathing really hard’

“Two Heaven scrolls. When should I break it to them?” Further proof that Dad!Neji would be ridiculous he has trouble breaking bad news to friends let alone babies

Kiba @ Hinata: Pay! Attention! To! Me!

I fucking love how Kiba has no qualms about anything gross like biting a slimy guy ‘let me at him’, breathing into my dog's nose ‘of course’, running around covered in dog urine ‘just a Tuesday’

These episodes have reawakened the inner Kiba/Hinata shipper in me

“Forget I ever mentioned Naruto okay?” omg I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kiba blush before but the second he was called out about Naruto there it is

“Their persistence is extraordinary” this is true about the entire village tbh 

It’s not fair of you to compare your shadow clone abilities to a boy with a chakra demon inside of him Kiba 

“I can tell just how hard Naruto trained out here” so what ur saying is that u smell Naruto’s sweat

Kiba’s sure ready to brag for someone whose plan was just playing dead

“It’s the fault of the whole team” I don’t remember this guy’s name but I have a feeling that if Minato were alive he’d love him

“No you’re wrong it was me” Ggfkjghdfkghkd Kiba pls why are you like this

“Be nice and give us your scroll” tru Shinobi of the Leaf 

The Look(TM) Neji gives Lee when he gets Tenten in a bad mood

TENTEN’S HONESTLY WATCHING NEJI FROM THE BUSHES WHILE HE TRAINS LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE BYAKUGAN 

“We’re able to fight so aggressively because we know that you have our backs” Guy is such a supportive sensei 10/10 (no pun intended)

“How did they turn out anyway?” “I have my doubts about them” LEE PLS

Real talk does the Akatsuki not know that the person hosting these exams is a jinchuriki he is the Kazekage

“Hi there, are you guys cliff-climbing too? Hang in there” KAKASHI HATAKE WITH SHITTY TRAINING PUNS COMING 2 SAVE MY LIFE 

Honestly Guy is the only sensei who seems to train his own kunoichi directly because both Ino and Hinata have clan-based jutsu and all of Kakashi’s babies were taken in by the Sanin

“The great nations don’t understand pain” like half the Leaf Village is orphans what more do u want from them Ajisai

“The Hidden Rain will soon be reborn” “Does that mean you’re gonna be more friendly then?” suffice to say the answer was no

Love my Leaf boys who won’t let people from other villages be attacked in an unfair way even by their own fellow villagers

Lee realizing that trash-talking insects doesn’t really work lmao 

Props to Lee for not holding a grudge against Gaara because he was both the reason he was injured before the last invasion and also one of the invaders  

“Sensei, have I gotten stronger since the last Chunin exam?” “Well, you should have” Inspiring self-confidence with Might Guy 

What a gentle and peppy intro it’s a change of pace from the intense bops

Thank you!!!!! I still don’t understand why Sakura couldn’t take out the first insect because she’s like the strongest woman alive

Omg Ino gently taking Sakura’s hand to heal it my bisexual heart <3 

“Where’s Shikamaru?” “He’s seeing off the delegates from the Hidden Sand” HE’S FLIRTING WITH TEMARI MY BOI

I aspire 2 be as committed to avoiding talking about my feelings as Asuma Sarutobi

Tsunade just doesn’t have the energy to entertain student rivalry lol 

“You just broke my concentration since you kept peeking over at me” this entire episode is incredibly gay and I love it 

“Because of you, I’m going to the place where I belong” this is ninja code for gay marriage (see: Tenzo’s infinite Tsukuyomi scene)

I LOVE SAKURA SHE PICKED A FIGHT WITH A SCORPION TO GET DINNER FOR HER FRIENDS MY KIND OF GAL

It actually makes complete sense that Tsunade never intended for Ino to become a medical ninja because it’s not Ino’s strongest technique but it’s useful on multiple levels 

I don’t know what Ino’s future job is supposed to be but I hope it’s Head of the intelligence division bc of Inoichi’s legacy

Honestly Sakura becomes even more impressive when you consider every battle she fought up until the war she was consistently depleting her chakra it’s a disadvantage similar to Kakashi’s sharingan and yet she not only managed to keep from being hospitalized but also was able to fight the Akatsuki and perform surgery

Honestly what on earth is this Sasuke business what a non-sequitor

Take a shot every time Orochimaru kidnaps a child

The fact that Sakura braces for impact bc she won’t even consider dodging at the cost of abandoning Ino’s body nfdgbfdgjdhfb

“I don’t care about the Chunin exams, I want to have my revenge!” okay Anime Bride of Chuckie 

“He’s probably forgotten all about you and has already found a better partner” Kurama truly hitting Naruto where it hurts 

I’m so proud of Sakura she is absolutely fucking adorable 

“Gaara, let’s get dinner” I’ve never heard those words said so intensely

Why is the animation on this sand so much better than the animation on literally anything else 

“Make sure he doesn’t step foot outside” lmao @ Gaara’s siblings trying to babysit him even though he’s the leader of the village

FURTHER LAUGHTER AT GAARA SNEAKING OUT OF HIS ROOM LIKE THE TEENAGER HE IS 

“This will take a lot more than gutsiness to overcome” [Naruto in the distance: How dare u Neji]

TEAM GUY CUDDLING OUT THE SANDSTORM I LOVE THEM!!!!

“I told you I was right,” said Mikoshi, as he began to drown in a pit of sand

Oh my god Fu wants to make a hundred friends to end all wars what a gal

“He sounds exactly like the kind of guy I’d like to meet and become friends with” that’s actually sad both because she dies before she can really know Naruto but he does meet her eventually through the tailed beasts

“Well, see ya!” jbfjhdkfjhgkjh Team Jonin Sensei is truly a beautiful thing 

It takes the Akatsuki like three days to extract a tailed beast and this dude is trying to do it in 30 seconds good luck my dude

Poor Neji he can’t stand to disappoint other people 

“We can’t just ignore someone in distress” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 4 <333

Take a shot every time someone on this show fantasizes about Naruto

“Yes, but that’s only because he’s a fool” this might be the closest Gaara has come to insulting Naruto in years

I want so badly for Neji and Gaara to be friends I love lonely ninja boys

"Get ready Fu, you’re next!” “Okay!!” I’ve never seen someone look so excited to get poked in the stomach

“I thank you, Neji. Never thought you’d rescue me” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 7

Take a shot every time Gaara tells someone about his crush on Naruto

“I wanted to try to heal the hurt I’d caused everyone” Gaara <3

Why are there so many heaven scrolls that seems to be all that anyone has

Gaara @ all the exam participants: You get to be a Chunin! You get to be a Chunin! Everyone gets to be a Chunin! 

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT AJISAI IS ONE OF THE BODIES OF PAIN I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE EXAM WAS OVER BUT THEY’RE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT

Are we about to watch a montage of all the people who died since the Chunin exams 

Oh my GOD Fu trying to befriend Kakuzu RIP 

Well I guess Neji’s double promotion makes way more sense than him taking a Jonin exam like months after his Chunin exam but still what an arbitrary decision-making process