#no cuz rip to john winchester but??? wtf was that?

[sampilled]

doing a lot of thinking about how scared sam was as a child

in the pilot we learn sam left hunting, not because he wanted normal but because he wanted safe.

in a draft of the pilot script, sam says he doesn't want to help dean find john because he "just stopped having nightmares" (obviously taken out because it would contradict later plot lines with sam having nightmares about jess dying but i wish they had replaced it with something similar because i think a lot less people would think of sam as selfish if we had got to hear it)

we also get this scene in 1x04

this is four episodes into the show! sam has been back in hunting for a month? maybe? and he is already having nightmares about the job again (and while dean tries to act tough, sam sees straight through him and knows that he's scared too)

hunting again is bringing back bad feelings that he thought he'd left behind but at this point, he is motivated to find his father and avenge jessica so he pushes through his fear, as a kid he didn't have these things to fuel him. he was just this sad lonely little child who was terrified out of his mind about all of the evil in the world that he should have been sheltered from!! terrified that his dad and his brother were going to be killed anytime they were out of his line of sight!!

in conclusion, i could've raised him, i could've kept him safe

[fictionalabyss]

Listen here, ya Idjit.

Pairing : Winchesters x Sister!Reader, John, Bobby.

Word count : 1,885

Warnings Across parts : Incest, Non-con elements, cheating. IF THESE BOTHER YOU DO NOT READ. I don’t want to listen to you bitch.

Part 5 in WTF is wrong with me.

As time went on, you were still kept away from Dean, but you were all cried out. You were angry now, and bitter. You were finishing up school online now, refusing to talk to anyone. Currently at Bobby’s because John and Dean were working different cases, and John couldn’t take you, or leave you with Dean.

Bobby had called John not an hour after he dropped you off. He was worried. You weren’t the happy girl you had always been. You were always locked in your room reading. And even when Dean called you refused to come down and talk.

Your phone went off, and you barely glanced, figuring it was Dean or John checking in. But when you saw a number you didn’t know, you got curious. You grinned seeing it was Sam.

New number. Just wanted you to know I miss you. And I am sorry. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep fighting with him while hearing you cry. Night after night. Dean was broken and angry. I just couldn’t do it. I’ll come for you, as soon as I’m able to. I promise. I’ll take you out of there. I love you.

It had been weeks since you had watched him walk away.

I’ll be here Sammy. I’ll be waiting. I love you too.

As the weeks droned on, you were shuffled around. Always shuffled around. And from time to time, you’d get messages from Sam. Dean saw a new life in you the rare occasion he was close by. It gave him hope that you were becoming you again.

Sam messaged you a few times a week. Then only once a week. Then less. He was busy, you knew he was. He was Pre-law, doing what he could to get himself a good life outside of hunting. You were beyond proud of him.

When the messages died down to once a month, if you were lucky, Dean saw another change in you. You were shutting down again, but not as bad. You were depressed.

One day, when stopped at a gas station, he walked over to your window before heading in. “You alright, Princess?”

“I miss him. I miss him so much, Dean.”

“It’s been a year, sweetheart.”

You showed him the last text you got from Sam. “It’s only been months for me. It hurts all over again.”

He reached into the truck to caress your cheek,  you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. “I try so hard to get some time with you. I know how bad you need it.”

“I know, Dean.” He was about to lean in and kiss you, when he heard the bell of the gas station door. He pulled back quickly, but it wasn’t John who walked out. “Go on, before you get kicked out of my life too.”

“Never.” He told you. “Just talk to me when I call at least. Please. I miss you too, you know.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry.” He gave you a small smile and walked away.

Time continued. You heard from Sam less and less. Your birthday rolled around, and there was no call, no text. You cried as you sent him a quick message.

Happy birthday Sammy. I miss you.

Your face lit up when you got an answer, but it quickly faded when you saw what it said.

Thanks, sis. Happy birthday to you too.

Both Dean and John were on hunts. You were at Bobby’s again. “Going for a walk.” You told him as you headed out. As soon as you were outside, you called Dean. “I need you.”

Dean was there in record time. You met him up the road so Bobby couldn’t tell John, not that Bobby even knew what was going on. Dean found a quiet place to park and he held you while you cried.

“Hey, I brought you something.” You sat up and wiped off your cheeks. “First of all, cake.” He smiled pulling out a box with a slice of vanilla cake and two plastic forks making you smile. He also pulled out a necklace from his pocket. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

You took it from him and smiled. “Norse rune of strength.”

“For the strongest damn woman I’ve ever met in my life. You put up with us your whole life. And you put up with him this long. I see you breaking, sweetheart. I figured maybe you could use a bit more strength to get you through this.”

You put it on and smiled. “Thanks Dean.”

When you looked up, and met his eyes, he leaned in to kiss you. “No matter what he puts between us, I’m never leaving you. You’re what I live for. I’m no Sammy,  bu-”

“You’re enough, Dean.” You smiled, a smile like he hadn’t seen since that night in the bar. “You’re perfect. I’m sorry I shut you out. I feel like I have nothing left. You were my safety, security, comfort. You did everything for me my whole life and you were ripped away. To me, you were just as gone as Sam is. But I knew you’d come. If I called, I knew you would.” You shook your head. “I don’t think he will, not anymore. You were always everything to me, Dean. Now you’re all I have, and I’m lucky if I get 2 minutes to talk to you face to face. It hurts. It hurts so bad, I just want it to stop.”

“I’m here.” He kissed you again. “When you’re ready to go back, go. I’ll sneak in the way I use to always sneak out. I’ll hold you tonight. Make it all hurt just a bit less. I’ll always be here for you.”

After cake, you headed back to Bobby’s. “You alright, Darlin’?”

You glanced over at him at his big desk. “I’ll be alright. It’s our birthday Bobby, and I only got a half assed message after messaging him first. It’s like he forgot about me.” You sighed. “I don’t want to talk to dad, but even he didn’t so much as text.” You saw Bobby’s jaw clench. “But I heard from Dean.” You smiled. “While I was out on my walk. He made me feel a bit better.”

“You want to do something? I got time, I ain’t doing nothing important here. We can hit the bar for a few drinks, or watch a movie…”

“Thanks Bobby. I just want to go to bed right now. How about a nice big brunch tomorrow? We’ll cook together when I wake up? You made a nice dinner for me today but I just wasn’t in the mood and I’m sorry.”

“Brunch it is. Go on to bed. I’m sorry your birthday ain’t such a happy one this year.”

“It hasn’t been since Sam left.” You said softly before heading up. “Night Bobby.”

Bobby watch you go, and waited for the sound of your door before he picked up his phone and dialed. “Voice mail.” He grumbled. “Alright, you listen here, ya Idjit. It’s your damn daughters birthday. I don’t care what kinda stick you got up your ass, Winchester, but she’s had 2 years of misery since you drove that boy of yours off and I’m tired of seeing her cry cuz Daddy can’t pick up a goddamn phone. Don’t make me light a fire under your ass.”

 About 15 minutes after laying down in your bed, there was a gentle tap at your window. You smiled and opened it so Dean could climb in. “I’m getting too fucking old for this.” He chuckled lightly. You smiled as he laid in bed next to you, his arms going around you.

Your phone rang, and Dean reached over and handed it to you. “Dad..” You told him softly and looked up at him.

“Answer. Or he’ll drive down.” He put a finger to his lips to let you know he’d be quiet.

Hitting answer, you almost sighed. “What can I do for you, John?”

You heard him sigh. “A father can’t call and wish his only daughter a happy birthday?”

“Bobby called you, didn’t he.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t. I get it, you’re busy. Sam was too busy to remember me too. I’ll be fine, Dad. I’ve got Bobby. And Dean called. Don’t worry about it. As always, they’ve got you covered. Good bye.”

“Y/N-” You cut him off by hanging up.

You let your phone fall to the floor and cuddled up to Dean. “Dean?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I want to forget today. Everything but you.”

He shifted, rolling you onto your back as he kissed you gently. Everything about that night was soft and tender. He moved slow, drawing it all out, making you feel more loved than ever before. His body never parting from yours, his lips and hands worshiping you. And right before you both came, he told you how much he loved you.

“I love you too, Dean.”

You fell asleep with him wrapped around you, his skin against yours. It was the best you had felt in years. The best you had slept in years.

You woke up to an empty bed, and movement. “Back to sleep, sweetheart.” He kissed you softly. “Bobby will be waking up soon, and you have some missed calls from Dad, so I need to get out of dodge in case he’s hauling ass here.” You nodded sleepily. “I promise, I’ll hold you every chance we get.” He kissed your forehead. “For now, sleep. It’s just after 4am.”

“I love you.” You mumbled, half asleep as you heard him open the window.

You were asleep by the time he was out the window. “I love you too, baby.” He quietly closed the window and was gone. A smile on his face.

Dean had been right, John showed up while you were making brunch with Bobby. The night with Dean had left you in a better mood than you had been since the night in the bar, and John figured maybe you were finally starting to forgive him for Sam leaving.

Bobby smiled when you let John hug you, and actually sat down to eat with your father at the table. “So, Dean called?”

“Of course he did.” You took a bite of food. “He’s never missed a birthday. Not for anything.”

“And Sam?” He missed his youngest son.

“I don’t want to talk about Sammy.” You looked down at your plate sadly.

He wanted to tell you he had seen Sam. Well, he had driven down to check up on him anyways, and not for the first time. Sam had no idea he had been there. But he saw how much it hurt to mention Sam. Bobby had no idea what had happened with you and your brothers, and he had no intention of going over that. Bobby was the only person you talked to these days, he wouldn’t ruin that.

“Sorry.” He said softly. The rest of the meal was pretty quiet, and Bobby kept shaking his head at John. When he was done eating, John stepped outside and picked up his phone. “Dean, you done your hunt?”

“Just about, Why?”

“Your sister needs you. Be at Bobby’s for dinner if you can.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Dean. Just don’t fucking touch her, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

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