#no friends no life no nothing. my hobbies make me miserable. i can't focus on anything.

[feluka]

i should've gone for a science degree.

[hephaestiions]

Hello! 18, 24 & 29 :)

thank you for the ask, anon, these were fun!!

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic.

from Every Breath You Take, an earlier cut, when the relationship between harry and draco, in the aftermath of an already failed marriage wasn't total silence, but relentless arguments about nothing. i scrapped it (and then changed the dynamic in general) because the dialogue felt both clunky and chunky, neither of which i try to go for when writing people speak:

“Do you find joy in being this hateful? Did this stupid fucking hold-up— I have a job, Draco, Merlin, what was the goddamn point— at least tell me it made you happy. That all this rotten rubbish I put up with every day is worth something in that twisted little head of yours, that you smile for a second thinking, yeah, I ruined Harry's breakfast, pat on my fucking back." “Fuck you! Happy? Happy, really, Harry? I haven't been happy in years! Not in years! Is that— is that good enough for you? To know I am just as miserable here as you, I get nothing out of any of this—" "Why do it at all, then?" Harry asks, throwing his hands up and spinning on his heel. He goes and rests his head against a pillar in the living room. If he weren't furious, he'd appreciate how ridiculous he looks right now. Muffled into the wall, he says, "If you're so fucking miserable—" "There's one thing," Draco says with a watery laugh that doesn't carry much humour at all. He stalks over to where Harry's standing and tugs on his robes until he's facing Draco and his endless, endless rage, always his rage, never— Jesus. Draco leans in and jabs his pointer finger into Harry's chest. "There's one thing I've been good at all my life, and it's riling you up. You think— what? A marriage fails, and I just— what? Let the opportunity go?"

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

the short, unhelpful answer is i try to go out and live my life. the slightly longer, still probably unhelpful, but wordier answer is: i go out on the lawns and spend the late afternoon fading into dusk reading books on the grass, i go to town with my friends and enjoy how the world looks when we're all giggling and tipsy, i focus on finishing things i've been procrastinating on, i clean my room and my desk and my wardrobe and i throw out half my things to make space for new ideas, i pick up new hobbies and i hyperfixate on some new fascination and find out everything i can about it, i sit in cafes and public transport and art galleries and take little notes on what people are doing and what they're saying and how they're living their lives, i write bad poetry and laugh about it, i sing terrible songs and laugh about it, i start some embroidery wips and look at them with great affection knowing i'll never finish them. and after months, or maybe even years of not sitting at the keyboard or picking up a pen to do more than write two lines of floating ideas, i think to myself— imagine if that thing was to happen. and imagine if that other thing was to happen right after. imagine, imagine, imagine, and suddenly the imagination can't be contained anymore, spilling out all over my hands.

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

quite difficult if i'm trying to find a title from within the fic— i'm awful with wordplay of the smart & referential kind that makes for good titles. but usually, i have some song on repeat while writing a fic or a poem that comes to me in fragments, and i pick a lyric/line from there and it's the easiest part of the process.

send me some more fic writer asks while i procrastinate on my assignments!

[knightofhylia]

Life Overview

It's been a while since I've used this deck and the spirit is rather shy so I did the Life Overview spread for myself for those who like to see before they try tarot!

Me

What potential exits in me now? To be honest, all the potential. Through a mix of good and bad life events (moving, changing jobs) I have a LOT of free time. I definitely am not sitting in the lap of luxury so that is about the only hindrance to the growth. But that being said there is a lot I can do without financial support, my main issue is just choosing a focus (it'sa AuDHD). I'm my own limit and my own roadblock (as usual). Trying to figure out what I want to focus on leads to a lot of reprioritizing and stuff gets thrown out. Currently, I'm still sorting through, creating and aborting projects as they come along.

Family

What have I learned from my visit to the underworld? Well, I have been in recovery of Borderline Personality Disorder for a few months and I'm only getting better. My therapist is extremely proud of the progress I am making. In her 15 years od doing therapy she has only cleared 3 people of being fully recovered from BPD and I intend to be the 4th! Being in the process of recovery has taught me so much. I know when a lot of people see stuff about people overcoming depression or any number of mental illnesses they think 'that can't be me, I'm unfixable' and for 20+ fucking awful miserable years my husband made me get my act together. Recovery feels BAD people. There is nothing glorious about being in your 20s having to fill out emotion charts and hygiene routines and food menus like a preschooler BUT IT WORKED. Now, I can't even remember the last major mood swing I had? it's been years since I last self harmed? I'm comfortable in my body and my friendships? I get along with my family?

And the part about the ancestors is right in light with ancestor month coming in November. I've been pretty hesitant to do ancestor work because of how little information I have, and my history with my relatives. I have been noticing my abusive dad's spirit's influence around and I am nervous about interacting with him spiritually (to be clear, not as a threat, I've asked my guides many times if he is a threat and no, they are filtering his interactions, but that obviously means that they want us to interact).

Friends

lord knows I have had some pretty tumultuous friendships in the past few years. I've been getting dreams about friends from ELEMENTARY school I used to roleplay sonic with and had messy fall outs with, like cmon that was 2 decades ago!! But they are all pointing to the same thing. I've had to cut so many people out, distance myself, it's taken a lot to be able to finally have a comfortable give and take with my friends :) No one is constantly begging me for money anymore, or getting jealous or competitive, we all build each other up and have vast interests and hobbies! during this quarantine after being trapped with my so-called-bestie and having that messy fallout, then being isolated in a new town, the wound has been slow to heal. But I'm at the point where I just don't give a fuck about any of the shit that happened anymore because it's not relevant now. I am definitely seeing my relationships in difference angles from this view.

Love

I think I'm more of the guide in this one lol as a poly marriaged person who has been dating for like 3 years with fucking zero zilch nada to show for it :'). Mostly people who get scared off when we set a single boundary or too immature in too many ways. Not that I haven't dated or had fun relationships but I haven't felt anything NEAR a connection like I have had with my husband even back when we were roomies. As an poly autistic person my platonic and romantic boundary is pretty blurry. Usually like first week of talking to a new friend I'm like damn do I have a romantic crush? Then I'm like nope just new person friend energy. Well it's been a few months and now I'm laying on the floor listening to mitski, hillary duff,and fob so you know they've been haunting my dreams and psyche🙄cringe right? my goofy ass downloaded pokemon go to catch some hearts, and now my husband is playing it with me so it's kinda of a win win either way LOL (hashtag poly life). and to think 7 years ago I was playing Pokemon Go with my roomie so we didn't have to go back to the apartment and deal with my cheating boyfriend and bedbugs.... now we are married 3 years with 4 cats and a mortgage <3 I could not be able to love like I do now without being shown what unconditional love truly with from my spouse <3

Career

Are theyre bonds I still have strong? Oh yes. This card directly correlates to what all my cards across many decks say when I ask them about career. They all talk about community, networks, friends, building things together. At first I interpreted this as 'rely on commissions to live' but now I see it is 'going to events and talking to irl people and bonding with them makes you a good customer to them and therefore they can be a good customer to you when you put yourself out there'. which is why I've been working on more tarot stuff! Another interesting thing about this, with the second question asking if someone can help, I have been considering summoning an ancestor that owes me a LOT and having them to help clear a way for our business. A lot of this is also, a lot of life events happened so the other people who are part of the business are farther away but now we can actually visit each other so working together more is the key.

Although these cards did not appear next to each other I included the duality interpretation because I believe it is still relevant that they both showed up. I think a lot about my legacy since I am doing my part and ending my bloodline :). for me that means preparing for my future reincarnations. I have some ideas for spells I want to do before my death to ensure that my next incarnations have a best astral foot forward! I'm interested in this 'desire for the taboo'. For the two cards to be in the 'career' and 'friends' spot I assume maybe this has to do with the taboo of starting businesses with your friends (which we are doing). Also 'taboo' forms of career could also mean vending and tarot commissions since they are pretty frankly looked down upon as a legit business.

Interpretation:

Life is good! Lots of themes of coming out of darkness, seeing things from different views, and renewal, but not without points to focus on. Friends and Career seem to be my weakest links right now, which both revolve around me interacting socially which like you know how that goes. Lot of things are confirmed here (my crush, my ancestors reaching out, my career path). Looking forward to doing more readings with him!

->Like this spread and deck? Get a free reading from me! <-

[wasteofart]

I feel like the biggest problem today is that nothing is made to be enjoyed anymore. Everything is hyper optimized to gain influence, cater a certain audience and just make money.

I get it, money is important and needed for living since everything has a cost. But that still doesn't justify the need for everything revolving around it. No one enjoys simply having a hobby anymore, you always gotta be the best, broadcast everything for validation and make money from it or otherwise it's not worth the time. What happened to people just enjoying stuff? Because I feel like no one is actually having fun and joyful anymore. I don't remember the last time I saw someone genuinely be happy and content just doing something they enjoy, whether it be painting, gaming, any sort of craftsmenship, reading, dressing up, doing make up or whatever. Why do we let society and capitalizm take away the only good things we have in life? If it isn't for those things, what else is there?

Even spending time with friends is a competition. Who went out with who, what 'cool' things did you do together. It's all plastered over social media for others to see and be jealous of.

And at the end of the day? Everyone is miserable. We're burnt out and depressed from constaintly fighting to stay relevant while trying to one up everyone else. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of spending hours on my phone, looking at 30 second clips of people doing shit to promote themselves in a world where nothing of this matters. I'm sick of having to spend my whole day working a job that I hate that brings me nothing but dread and exhaustion only so I can pay rent. I'm sick of worrying that my whole life will be this joyless and sad, living from one day to the other. But what can I do? I can't quit my job because the next one will be exactly the same. I can't delete all my social media because at this point my brain is demanding to be entertained, I can barely focus on only one thing at a time without getting not just bored but plain under stimulated. This whole life we're living has caused us to spiral down into an endless cycle of wanting to escape the stress but in order to do that we need to work even harder. And that is exhausting. I am tired, I can't change my whole life in a day just to not be tired anymore. I can't work to become not tired. There is literally no way out of this.

There are so many things that I want to change, that I feel need to be changed or otherwise I will not be happy. But then again, I feel like nothing I could do would actually make me happy. It would only change the circumstances under which I am unhappy. And to be honest, I feel like everyone around me has the same issues. My friends struggle with their jobs, with their relationships, with their health. And do I feel like anything is going to get better? No. I honestly feel like we fucked up so badly, let this society become what it is today, in a way where we passed the point of no return. Everything is just getting worse and even the beautiful things seem completely meaningless compared to everything else. I mean, yes, I sat down on the grass and picked flowers today. Was I happy doing that? No. Will that cure my mental illnesses? Also no. Will that improve anything in my life, my job or the overall problems we have in this world? Absolutely no.

Everything is just adding to the weight we're all carrying around with us and I don't know if that is the mental issues speaking out of me or my mid-twenty year old brain that is overwhelmed by the way adulting works. Either way, it seemed like these problems today are so much more severe than the problems people had back in the days. Yes, there were wars and plagues and economic crashes before in the history, but those usually lead to the collapse of a society. If someone asked me what time period we lived in, I would say the already declining high before the total fall. The digital age is coming to an end and we're all going down with it if we don't make rapid changes. I don't want to sound pessimistic or depressing but that is honestly the feeling that I'm having about the times we lived in. There are barely any new technological innovations or groundbreaking discoveries that bring us forward as a society. Everything is only about money. Companies want to make sales by optimizing the shit out of everything even if it only lasts a short amount of time. The best example for that are NFTs. Was there potential? Sure. Did it make any fucking sense? Nope. So there's no wonder that shit is going down as fast as it came to a peak. The cycles in which things go 'out of style' nowadays are alarmingly short. Back then everything lasted longer. The quality and appreciation were so much more valuable characteristics of just anything starting from products over employment to our hobbies. When did we stop appreciating things just for the sake of it, because it is dear to us and not because it involves a lot of money?

I see a lot of great things out there. People trying to live sustainable, trifting, taking care of nature, making art. But nowadays there's always someone trying to make money from it and ruining it for everyone else. Why does everything have to be monetizable do be of worth. Why is a video or a movie only good if it reaches millions of people and makes millions of dollars? Why am I only a real artist if I make sales? Why does my fashion have to be popular and admired by my followers in order for it to be enjoyable?

We're ruining it for ourselves. We're taking the joy out of the things we love. No wonder everyon is depressed nowadays when even the things that are meant to make us happy cause us distress and distress only. And peole give you shit for trying to break the cycle.

[misc-adventurous]

Get S.M.A.R.T.

"S.M.A.R.T. goals" and theory below is borrowed from Your Coach, an associate of the International Coaching Federation.

...........................................

I'm the type of person that doesn really well with structure. So I am going to cave in and make concrete plans for my learning projections. And what better way than to be S.M.A.R.T.

What does S.M.A.R.T. goal setting stand for?

To make your goal S.M.A.R.T., it needs to conform to the following criteria: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.

Specific

What exactly do you want to achieve? The more specific your description, the bigger the chance you'll get exactly that. S.M.A.R.T. goal setting clarifies the difference between 'I want to be a fluent in every language' and 'I want to be able to hold a decent conversation for five minutes in my target language by Summer '19'.

Questions you may ask yourself when setting your goals and objectives are:

What exactly do I want to achieve?

B1 fluency in Mandarin, Esperanto, and Turkish

Where?

Within the comfort of my own bedroom

How?

By following a text book from cover to cover, using YouTube as native supplement, and participating in langblr challenges

When?

Dec 8 '18 - Jun 8 '19

With whom?

ALL OF LANGBLR, and my few friend who speak these languages

What are the conditions and limitations?

There will be very little live interaction. Lots of book work and writing. Goals require daily diligence, even if only 5 min a day.

Why exactly do I want to reach this goal? What are possible alternative ways of achieving the same?

I have been flirting with these languages and it's high time to make a commitment. Also, I enjoy read manhua and listening to Turkish music. No more translation!

S.M.A.R.T. goal setting: Measurable

Measurable goals means that you identify exactly what it is you will see, hear and feel when you reach your goal. It means breaking your goal down into measurable elements. You'll need concrete evidence.

This is defined by biweekly check ins to see how far I have progressed through my material and a set media piece that I will constantly check how much I understand.

S.M.A.R.T. goal setting: Attainable

Is your goal attainable? That means investigating whether the goal really is acceptable to you. You weigh the effort, time and other costs your goal will take against the profits and the other obligations and priorities you have in life.

If you don't have the time, money or talent to reach a certain goal you'll certainly fail and be miserable. That doesn't mean that you can't take something that seems impossible and make it happen by planning smartly and going for it!

There's nothing wrong with shooting for the stars; if you aim to make your department twice as efficient this year as it was last year with no extra labour involved, how bad is it when you only reach 1,8 times? Not too bad...

I have the time and the money (finally). I dont need to be able to read a thesaurus in my tar-lang with precious. I just want to watch "Hi, my sweetheart" with or without Mandarin subtitles. I believe doing so by next summer is easily done. I'm not trying to be "Fluent in 6 months!!". I'm aiming to experience and appreciate on of my life's joys with deeper gusto.

S.M.A.R.T. goal setting: Relevant

Is reaching your goal relevant to you? Do you actually want to speak another language or do you just want a few phrases to use of and on? Are you willingly to make it a longterm hobby or is it just for travel plans or because it seems like the right thing to do? You decide for yourself whether you have the personality for it, or your life has the space.

If you're lacking certain skills, you can plan trainings. If you lack certain resources, you can look for ways of getting them.

Anyone can learn a second language to a point of confidence!

The main questions, why do you want to reach this goal? What is the objective behind the goal, and will this goal really achieve that?

You could think that having a bigger team will make it perform better, but will it really?

A lot of people talk about wanting to be a polyglot. Just like a lot of people talk about being healthy. This matters to me because I already enjoy learning languages. I've simply chosen to no longer be casual about it. Also I am planning a birthday trip to Turkey for July, so yeah, Turkish is my real focus😂. I want to travel to Taiwan to teach after my degree is finished, do learning Mandarin is super relevant to my 5yr plan.

S.M.A.R.T. goal setting: Timely

Time is money! Make a tentative plan of everything you do. Everybody knows that deadlines are what makes most people switch to action. So install deadlines gor yourself. Keep the timeline realistic and flexible, that way you can keep morale high. Being too stringent on the timely aspect of your goal setting can have the perverse effect of making the learning path of achieving your goals and objectives into a hellish race against time – which is most likely not how you want to achieve anything.

The deadline is Jun '19, 6 months from now. I'll actually be purchasing travel tickets during April/May but June will be time for last ditch efforts to jump any plateaus.

The best thing about my view of language learning is that it is life long. I don't have to worry about "failing", I simply want an easier abroad experience. Being able to string simple declarations will suffice if nothing else.

And the clock starts now.