#nope they don't shit white they shit the normal looking brown in my dad's shoes

[tmf-confessions]

I am so concerned about your egg-laying rats

Are you sure they are not just shitting white??!

Or like, are one of those mutated Rat-birds from Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs?¿

nope! they're just normal looking rats, that lay (normal) eggs. hope this helped!

[rmoonstoner]

I take care of my mother, and she's in her mid sixties, and bed ridden most of the time.

This is a collection of funny and really dumb/predujuced things she has said this week:

*when presenting dinner, a lovely garlic tater tot casserole that is layered with cheese and 2 packs of expensive bacon, with vegetables on the side* Bacon cannot be the main meat of a meal, because it's not really meat. This meal is incomplete. Your dad will me mad.

*the rest of the family, especially dad making a big point at leaning in to ny mother, asking me why I don't make it all the time, because it's delicious*

*mom frowns, while I smirk at her*

***

*when handing her a vanilla flavored Greek yogurt* Ew, I don't like plain. Plain yogurt is nasty.

But mom, this is vanilla bean, not plain.

Nope. Don't want plain. Give me the coconut. It tastes better. *proceeds to eat plain yogurt with shaved coconut in it*

***

My house has never been so filthy before! It's your job to clean it! My room is the only clean place is the house!

*me staring at her clean bathroom, that she made me clean, then looking at all the shit she has piled up, blocking the bidet, the vanity, and one of her couples sinks. Looks at her room, sees shit everywhere like the bathroom*

Riiight.

***

In my day, I did all the yard work, house work, and watched you. You should do the same.

*my dad sitting just out of ear shot from her, coughs and looks away while shaking his head* No she didn't.

***

Vegetarians and vegans are *outdated 'R' word slur* so are *our dated racial slur regarding any Europeans*

What the fuck, mom?

***

*when my son accidentally breaks a cup* Awe, that that's OK. Don't cry about that. *turns to me* You owe me a 1950s cup. Give me ten bucks.

***

*when my other son's best friend comes over* Is that one of them manly girls? A tomboy?

No mom, they are trans.

*squints and proceeds to misgender them* That's stupid. Why can't kids these days just be boring and normal?

***

Can the cat go out? He won't stop yowling at my sliding door.

No.

*does it anyway while telling me the cat should go outside because back in her day...*

Damnit, mom, I said no. *runs out to grab the cat*

You kids these days...

***

What kind of car did you and your hubby get?

A Ford Feista. Automatic. 2017. Four doors. Leather interior.bpower everything.

No I asked you what colour it is.

***

*mom proceeds to announce she won't get her teeth done, which are rotting and making her sick, because the doctor said she was going to die in twelve months... If she didn't fix her teeth*

***

You can't use airfreshners in my house. I have lung disease. *proceeds to use heavy amounts of twenty year old, old lady perfume before going to the scent free bank, causing the bank clerk to gag*

***

*looks at the smoke stained walls from 20 years of smoking weed and cigarettes in her house* Why are my walls brown, and not white?

***

*asks for cheese, then gives it to cat , claiming my toddler ate it. Toddler was with me the entire time*

***

*asks me where her shoes are, and I bring them to her* Damn these shoes are old and ugly, like your dad's friends.

***

You shouldn't watch TV all day, or let the kids watch it at all. It will rot your brain. *watches 30 year old soap operas on TV all day*

***

Yeap. That's her.