#not a threat to other people thankfully bc ​I literally don’t know how to feel anger in front of others so that’s out of the question

[skinnyducky]

made for you // v.h.

hello.. im sorry i havent been posting. school has been keeping me busy but i wanted to post this. this idea comes from @yelenasdarling so thank you ! i recommend listening to halley’s comet by billie eilish (as well as the whole album) bc that’s the song that is being discussed in this (as well as many others), so yuh. enjoy ! and i promise i haven’t forgotten about party @ y/ns !

vinnie hacker x singer!fem!reader

Word Count: 1408, edited

WARNING: MAJOR FLUFF LUV

---------

As the year was coming to an end, so was your debut album. For months, you’d been working with the best producers, musicians, and doing endless promo for this album and within a few days, you’d be playing it for the label. Obviously because it is your first record, you’re protective over it. No one had heard it besides the people working on it. So, you were a bit nervous to let your pleading boyfriend, Vinnie, tag along to the studio with you.

It was Friday, and you two had been chilling in his room when your producer, Sarah, said she needed you to go over it before the label meeting. As you bid your goodbyes to Vinnie, informing him of the reason for your departure, he pouted. “Why can’t I come?” he nearly cried, giving you his puppy dog eyes. Because you couldn’t resist them—and you just can’t say “no” to him—you allowed him to come.

Now here the two of you were, in the studio and listening to Sarah go on and on about how long it took for her to finish mastering it. Your manager, Jen, had came too. She had to hear the album for herself also. She couldn’t have her client looking a mess in front of her bosses. Bad for business and her reputation.

“…and after an hour or two of making sure your vocals were clear, I finally finish the album.” Sarah explained. “Honestly, this is probably the best album I’ve produced in a minute, and I worked on SZA’s album.”

“That good?” Vinnie asked with a smirk, leaning against the studio door. “That’s sick. I’m ready to listen to it.”

As that sentence left Vinnie’s mouth, you felt your anxiety overcome you. “Are you sure, Sarah? There has to be some sort of adlib I need to rework or something. Can’t be ready so soon.”

“Y/n, it can’t get any better than this. This is a solid project. I should know, I spent days listening to it over and over again. Trust me, it’s ready.”

“Besides, it’s too late to rerecord now.” Jen added. “The label meeting is next Thursday, and we don’t have a week for Sarah to mix and master all over again. Once the label gives us the greenlight, if there’s anything to tweak, you can do it before you have to submit the final project. But until then, no changes and no additions.”

You sighed, nodded your head. It’s not that you were afraid of it not being perfect. You were more scared of what Vinnie would think. I mean, he’s the one who inspired the album; more than half of the songs are about him. His opinion meant everything to you, and if he didn’t like an inch of it…that would destroy you.

As you were sulking and picking at your chipped nail polish, Vinnie wandered over to you where you sat at the soundboard with Sarah. He leaned against it and smiled down at you. “What’s the matter, baby?”

“Nothing.” You sighed, keeping your head down. He scoffed and chuckled. “Y/n, you’re playing with your nail polish. You always do that when you’re upset.”

He pulled you up and took you out of your seat before sitting down himself and placing you on his lap. “Tell Santa what’s up.” He joked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I’m just nervous. This album means so much to me.”

“Completely understandable. It’s your first one, it should mean a lot to you.”

You shook your head. “It’s not just because of that. It’s also because it’s about you. The only reason you haven’t came with me to the studio until now is because I didn’t want you to hate anything on this, and it would kill me if you did.”

“Y/n, look at me”—you finally met his eyes for the first time—“I could never not like anything you do. Especially if it’s dedicated to me. That’s like throwing away a gift you gave me. I wouldn’t ever do that. So don’t think for a minute that I’d hate this. That’s literally impossible.”

You smiled, planting a kiss on his forehead. “You’re too good for me.”

“I know.” He laughed and turned to Sarah. “Play us the album!” He said dramatically, sending the producer into a fit of giggles.

She followed his orders and with a few clicks and the press of a button, the first song from your album rang out from the studio speakers. You watched timidly as Vinnie bobbed his head up and down as it went from track to track.

“This shit slaps!” He exclaimed as “Y/n Bossa Nova” played. He nearly about died during “Oxytocin”, claiming it to be god tier. Minutes went by until you got to the final track “Halley’s Comet”, and you were scared to play him this song.

While the other tracks were quite playful in nature, this one was different. The song was a bit cynical, but it was also like a love letter to Vinnie. Never before have you ever felt what you had with him. And at first that made you scared. But as the months went by and your relationship started to blossom, you realized he was the one for you. This was just your way of telling him that.

When it started, you looked everywhere but at Vinnie. It wasn’t just because you couldn’t bear to see the expression on his face, but also because this song was quite emotional. You didn’t want him to see you “being a little bitch” as you put it.

The sound of your soft vocals bounced off the walls and you felt Vinnie place his chin on your shoulder. His hold on you grew tighter as he swayed you two back forth. A small smile crept it’s way onto your face as you tried your best to stray away from crying.

“I’ve been loved before, but right now in this moment,” you sung, “I feel more and more like I was made for you…”

When those lyrics hit, you felt Vinnie stop swaying. Hell, you were pretty sure he had stopped breathing too. You didn’t know what to think about that; did he not like the song, is he shocked? What was he thinking and feeling? Shortly after, the song came to an end with you singing, “I think I might have fallen in love…what am I to do?”

And with that, the album finished. The room was silent, the only sound being your sniffles. Although that was broken when Sarah screamed. “Wasn’t that amazing!? Ugh, my power…I really outdid myself on this one.”

Thankfully, Jen understood the impact of that last song. “Sarah, why don’t we go get a Snickers or something from the vending machine?”

“I can’t eat anything fatty, Jen. You know this.”

Jen mouthed some profanities and threats at the woman causing her to shoot up from her chair and run out into the hallway. “We’ll leave you two alone for a minute.” Jen smiled, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Neither of you or Vinnie spoke and that somewhat was comforting. However, part of it made you feel insecure about the album, “Halley’s Comet” in specific. Out of all the songs, that’s the one you wanted him to like the most.

The silence soon grew uncomfortable, so you decided to be the first to speak. “Well, that was the album. What’d you think?”

He opened his mouth, but it was obviously he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I-I don’t know how to even put it in words.”

“That bad?” You sighed.

“No, never.” He laughed. “It was beautiful, all of it really. And that last song, that was amazing.”

You pursed your lips, hiding the grin wanting to break free. “You think so?”

“Yeah, it was definitely one of my favorites. To know I had that much of an impact on you, it’s really sweet. I didn’t think I could simp for you any harder than I do now.”

“Shut up!” you laughed, slapping his shoulder.

“It’s the truth!” he said, throwing his hands up in defense. “I love you, Y/n. I really do.”

“I love you too.” And with that, he laid a sweet and gentle kiss on your lips.

Pulling back, he said, “Oh and just so you know, I agree with you.”

“On what?”

“You were definitely made for me.”

[fanfictionfansmiction]

hii! i was just wondering if i could a request a ron imagine where he really likes the reader and he does what he does to fleur in the movies and yells at her to go to the ball with him? and ginny is like comforting him how she was in the movies but reader runs after him and they’re all in shock bc she actually wants to go with him and liked him back? (i’m sorry this is long, i’m bad at explaining)

This is my first request!! Very exciting, so I have written this based on what you said rather than watching the clip from the film so it might not happen exactly the same as that but I hope you enjoy it anyway it was really fun to write so please do send in more requests! 

Word Count: 1594

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ron was never great with his expressing his feelings, especially when it came to you. He was always saying the wrong thing or saying the right thing the wrong way. It wasn’t always like that though you two were close for a long time and you even considered him your closest friend. Ron kicked himself every time he saw you and acted like an idiot and so did his friends.

“Ron why don’t you just go and talk to her?” Hermione said reading the paper not looking at Ron or Harry as she did but still sensing Ron’s pining look that was laid upon you sat with your Hufflepuff friends. Ron only groaned in response pushing his breakfast around on the plate.

“Obviously, it’s because he can’t talk to her or he’ll just die it’s so embarrassing she’s just so beautiful and perfect what could he possibly offer her.” Harry imitated Ron. “I’m sorry mate but this has been going on too long and its painful to watch, if you don’t do something about it in the next two days, I’ll…” Harry trailed off thinking of an appropriate threat for a friend. “Or I’ll tell Fred and George about it.” There that seemed good enough. Harry looking fairly pleased with himself started to eat his breakfast assuming that would be the end of it today. Ron rested his head in his hands feeling sorry for himself.

“But what would I talk to her about?” Ron asked his two friends hoping for a helpful response. Neither had any response, Herimone who now seemed to be filling out the crossword puzzle and Harry who was instead thinking about his own love life. No such luck for Ron instead Ginny sat herself next to Hermione stealing a sausage off Ron’s plate and munching on it.

“What’s everyone’s plans for the Yule Ball then?” she asks holding eye contact with Harry who chokes on his orange juice. Pleased with his reaction she grins looking at her brother. “Ron who’s your date?”

“He’s just about to ask them.” Hermione announces folding up the newspaper now more invested in the whole situation, shooting Ron a pointed look. Harry, happy to have Ginny’s eyes off him agrees with Hermione.

“Oh, this’ll be great. What’s the plan Ron?” Ginny asks filling a glass scoffing at the thought of her brother asking the object of his affections out on a date, successfully.

“Instead of thinking about it he was actually just about to ask them now. Weren’t you Ron?” Harry says nudging Ron’s arm.

“Hermione will you- “

“You aren’t getting out of it that easily Ronald. We all know who you want to ask. Besides, I already have a date. You’re on your own with this one.” She responds her eyes drifting over to Viktor who was already looking at her.

“Stop being a chicken Ron and go ask them.” Ginny says commanding the same power as her mother. Ron shakily stands whipping his sweaty hands along his trousers. He takes a deep breathe in and makes his way to where you are sitting with your Hufflepuff friends. For a moment Ron thinks about turning back because what is the worst Ginny could do if he didn’t ask. What could Fred and George do that would be worse than rejection? A quick turn of his head told him that no matter how scary rejection was his little sister would be worse. Besides that, you had already spotted him focusing your attention on him. Your friends still talking to you, but you were looking at Ron and he felt his face light up. It had been a while since you had looked at him, properly looked at him.

“Hello Ron.” You said with a large smile on your face lighting up your eyes.

He breathed you name, and his heart hammered in his chest. He remembered his sweating palms and his friend watching him and your friends watching him and you looking at him with those sweet eyes. Any drop confidence he had just drained out of him and he felt stuck. To make matters worse your friends began whispering and giggling. Why didn’t he plan out how to ask you? What if when he asked you couldn’t hear him. Or what if when he asked you burst out laughing revealing you already had a date a much better date. A date who asked you with flowers. He should have brought you flowers.

“Everything okay?” You ask bringing him back to the room. Ron’s throat felt dry.

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE YULE BALL WITH ME AS MY DATE. WELL, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE A DATE DATE WE COULD GO AS FRIENDS.” He burst out far louder than he intended. Clapping his hands over his mouth confused at how he managed to produce such a loud volume. This did it all your friends laughed and so did the entire room at this strange outburst. He could see how pink you had gotten mouth opening and closing like a fish looking around at your friends who all seemed extremely amused. So, he apologised and immediately began powerwalking out of the hall because running out would be far more embarrassing.

He didn’t stop walking until he felt he was far enough away from the sound of everyone’s laughter. Laughing at him. Why did he do that? He asked himself. In the morning sun out in the courtyard he kicked a tree really regretting embarrassing you in front of all those people. He didn’t even realise he was talking to himself until someone interrupted him.

“Finally found some good company?” Ginny said leaning against the tree.

“What do you want Gin?” Ron asked croakily not realising he had been crying.

“I want you to know that you are an idiot but its also okay. You very easily could have never asked her, never spoken to her again. Never given her idea of how you felt but you did. And I hate to say it Ron but not everything is going to go as you want it everyone doesn’t always like you back. It’s okay that she didn’t want to go with you there are plenty of others who might. It’s okay if she doesn’t see you that way you know, that right?”

Just as Ron opens his mouth to respond someone else does.

“I never said I didn’t want to go with you Ron.”

Ginny grins once again watching as her brothers face lights up and she sees the hope return to his body. She walks away leaving the two of them some time alone.

Ron says your name like a wish. Like he doesn’t really believe you’ll be there when he turns around. But you are and he sees the blush still on your face. And that you’re breathless like you ran after him all that way. Ron wants to say something to say anything to you, but he doesn’t. Thankfully as it finally gives you the space to say how you feel.

“I just wasn’t expecting you ask me Ron. You haven’t spoken to me properly in weeks, I thought I did something to upset you. My friends only laughed because we were literally just talking about you. I was planning on asking you to Yule Ball myself. Look Ron I really like you and not having my close friend there to talk to and to laugh with was really strange.”

“I really like you too. I just never thought you felt the same way.” Ron closes the space between you.

“That’s because you never asked.” You laugh placing you hand on his cheek. Another flush of red taking over his face. His eyes look down not sure enough of himself to meet your gaze. Placing your other hand on his other cheek you say, “So ask me Ron.” Ron smiles lopsided and goofy looking at you still rather nervous.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me? As my date.” He breathes.

“Oh, I’m not sure what day is that on again?” You tease taking your hands away from his face feigning deep thought, causing him to laugh with you relaxing him. “I’d love to go to the ball as your date Ron. Maybe before then we could go on a little date.” You ask playing with the collar of his shirt.

“Wasn’t that his line.” You hear Harry add from behind you. Ron shoots him a look of humorous disapproval.

“As much as I’m annoyed that he was watching that I have to agree with him. I think I was supposed to ask you that.” He says now looking at you so intensely you almost forget how to talk.

“Why because he’s the guy?” Ginny adds.

“How archaic.” Hermione adds.

“Sorry mate we just had to see how this plays out.”

Ron shakes his head with an infectious laugh, he snakes his arm round your waist holding you closely.

“Fred and George just wouldn’t believe you without eyewitnesses, really I’m doing you a favour.” Harry laughs.

“How about we go somewhere a little more private to plan this date.” You say gazing up at Ron with delight.

“That sounds perfect.” He says before kissing you soft and sweet.

“Okay now it’s weird.” Ginny says, “Let’s leave these lovebirds alone. Have fun you two.”

Ron smiles down at you and you feel relief flood through you. The two of you this close, sharing space in the universe together felt righter than anything you’d ever known before.

[queen-scribbles]

Bless Me With Your OTP

Rules: answer as many of the following questions as you want, and add art/screenshots to show off your OTP!

Tagged by @starsandskies, tagging @haledamage​, @storyknitter​ and @allisondraste​, if you wanna ;) Also anyone else who wants to do this; I didn’t wanna go overboard with specific tags.

Gotta do Tragen/Jaesa, because I’m having feels again.

(fab art by @the-upper-shelf​)

Do they fight often? If so, what is their dynamic like?

Not really. They’re of the same mind on a lot of things, so really the only thing they fight over is when one is planning to do something self-sacrificing and dangerous and the other is worrying about them.

Who is the most skeptical of the two?

Tragen, only because he spent his teens growing up through the Sith Academy on Ziost and saw the very darkest side of sentient beings’ nature. Not to say everything was roses for Jaesa as a handmaiden(especially on Alderaan, OY), but even the shrewdest of political maneuverings can’t really match the savagery of a Sith who wants something. Considering his experiences, he’s still surprisingly optimistic, but he’s also much quicker to write a person off as a lost cause than she is. He wants to reform the Empire, but first of all realizes that’s probably just a pipe dream; they’re fighting an uphill battle against millennia of tradition, and second figures the way to effect change is through a new generation of more light-leaning Sith, not “redeeming” the ones already in power.

Who would be most likely to suggest a night of dancing?

Both of them would love to dance, and they would be amazing at it. Tragen would be the more likely to suggest they do it, though, simply because he’s the bolder personality of the two. Jaesa’s more quiet/shy, and would happily accept if he offered, but would be too hesitant to suggest it herself and now I want art of them dressed to the nines and slow dancing ohno 

What would they do if the other was injured in battle?

If Tragen gets hurt, Jaesa becomes laser focused on getting him out of danger so she can heal him. Even if the threat is still out there, as long as she can get him away from if, that’s good enough for the short term. They can deal with it later, it’s more important to make sure he’s safe.

 If Jaesa gets hurt, Tragen’s gonna throw himself even more fully into whatever fight they were waging so he can kill anything that’s a threat. He’s not good at anything healing related at all, so the only way he’s gonna be able to even attempt to help her himself is if there’s no threats to worry about nearby. He’s still more likely to try and get her to a medic than do anything himself for fear of making things worse. . 

How do their fighting styles complement each other?

They’re both very skilled... saberists(?), though they focused on different weapons: Jaesa has a doubleblade and Tragen dual wields. The different techniques they’ve each learned work very well for watching each others’ backs. Jaesa’s also fairly skilled with Force healing, which is good bc Tragen is very much a frontline defender brand fighter; he wades in and tries to keep the enemies’ attention on him so they’re not hurting other people. He’s more focused on melee combat than using the Force, she’s very attuned to the Force but still relatively skilled at melee combat. Add in their Force Bond and the two of them almost literally move as one when fighting. They can pretty much read each other’s mind/emotions, so always know exactly where to be.

Do they want children? Does it frighten them? How many do they want?

It’s not something they’ve talked about yet.  (can you imagine how gorgeous their kids would be? Just A+ gene pool right there)  Them as a couple is a fairly recent development that kinda caught both of them off-guard, so they’re still working through all of the Stuff(TM) that comes with it. HOWEVER. Neither of them would be opposed to kids, for sure. Tragen might’ve been more reluctant when he was Wrath, just because of the danger and any kids being one more things that could be used to hurt him if his true... uh, beliefs were discovered(it was real fun playing a LG paladin Sith lemme tell ya xD). But now that he has some level of autonomy as Alliance commander, he’d be very open to the idea. He loves Jaesa so much, the idea of having a family with her would delight him.

Jaesa would probably likewise love to have a family with him. She’d be a little more hesitant just due to the basic state of the galaxy. Even knowing things will never completely calm down, it’s nerve-wracking to think about bringing a child into the mess that is the current state of affairs. But it really isn’t ever going to be “safe” and she’s grown more comfortable with being bold and taking risks for the things she wants, and this would be something she wants. 

Both of them would be ferociously protective parents; RIP to anything that tried to hurt their kid(s).

What happened when they took them home to their families? If their families aren’t in the picture anymore, how do they feel about it?

Well, fun fact, the very first time Tragen took Jaesa with him to visit his family was before they were a couple. Before the Wild Space Expedition, even, not long after he was made Emperor’s Wrath. His parents and sister all like Jaesa immensely, and his mother can TELL there’s Something there with this girl, but she doesn’t say anything bc they need to figure things out on their own. Whenever he gets around to telling them about the change in relationship status from friends and master/apprentice to lovers, he’s gonna get a round of “Saw that coming” and “Took long enough”s

Technically, so far, the only time Tragen’s met Jaesa’s parents is during the SW quest arc on Alderaan. He was polite, and merciful, and told them he only wanted to talk to their daughter, he meant her no harm. They took some convincing, their Jedi guardian even more so, but he did talk them into cooperating before instructing them to go to Dromund Kaas. When he found out Baras was poking around them, he kept an eye on the situation, but thankfully things with Baras came to a head before that particular problem got too dicey.  He’s currently hoping things resolve enough with the Alliance/Republic/Empire that he and Jaesa can track them down again, make sure they’re safe, and that they’re okay with their daughter dating an ex-Sith. (Jaesa’s an adult who can make her own decisions, so it’s not really asking permission; more he doesn’t want to be a point of contention between her and her parents after they’ve been apart for so long)

How does each person show affection towards the other?

There’s a lot of affectionate touching, and I don’t just mean hugs and kissing, though there are plenty of those.

Jaesa tends to brush her fingers against his arm whenever she walks past him, lean her head on his shoulder whenever they’re sitting/standing next to each other, that sort of thing. Tragen likes to slide an arm around her waist or hold her hand. Both of them have a history of being forced to repress feelings for various reasons, and finally being in a position where they don’t have to, where they can say I love you and kiss each other whenever they feel like it and be touchy-feely affectionate... why would they pass up any chance to take advantage of that?

On top of the physical affection, they’re both big fans of encouraging and reassuring each other. They’ve been doing that since well before they fell in love, so it’s only natural it gets folded into their romantic relationship as well. 

Who cries the most? Who is better at comforting?

Jaesa for both. She’s so very tender-hearted, and one good thing about being trained as a Jedi rather than a Sith, compassion’s not seen as a weakness. So while Tragen’s super accustomed to burying the vast majority of his emotional vulnerability(other acolytes would’ve torn him apart, forget about full Sith after his summoning to Korriban), she’s more willing to show it. When Tragen’s feeling sad etc he tends to just go sit somewhere alone(preferably with a good view of the stars) and work through his feelings inside his own head.

BUT since Jaesa’s such an empathetic person, she’s really good at picking up on the more subtle signs he’s feeling down and their Force Bond only makes it easier. So she usually gives him a little while to have some privacy, then offers to help with comfort or company or whatever he needs if he wants her to. (He always wants her to. But she always makes it his call, even if she thinks she knows the answer)

Who is the bigger flirt?

Neither of them are all that flirty, actually. The two of them are more earnest declarations of love and support than attempts at seduction. (Neither of them is particularly good at it, either. Jaesa’s tried being coy a time or two, and Tragen will occasionally pitch his voice lower bc apparently that’s “sexy”, but since they both realized independently they were in love with each other and confessions were made so fast in relation to being reunited, any flirting is more joking/playful “I’m so lucky and glad I have you” teasing than anything else. They’re dorks. Vette rolls her eyes at them even as she grins.)  

[elcorhamletlive]

MCU Rewatch: The First Avenger

“this one has waited long enough” IT SURE FUCKING HAS

I like Red Skull’s introduction. I especially like the hints we get of his transformation (”you will burn”, “I already have” and the moment where he touches his cheek) and the two close-up shots we get of Hydra’s symbol, both spotless and then, after the scene, with blood splattered all over it. It’s not SUBTLE, but I like it.

THE SHOT OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE. I LOVE.

“Kind makes you think twice about enlisting, huh?” “Nope” I gotta say, I used to think this scene was the first guy teasing Steve, but rewatching I think he’s just making conversation and Steve is just full set on DETERMINATION MODE so his response is a little too blunt. lol I love it.

nnngg I love Evans’ facial expressions when he approaches the doctor??? The matter-of-factly way he explains both of his parents’ death (because he’s done this exact process many times before)??? I LOVE IT.

“Every able-bodied young man is serving his country” Look. Far be it from me to claim this movie has some groundbreaking message about disabilities or whatever, but it does such a good job on stablishing Steve’s motivations. There’s a reason Steve longs to prove himself that’s so clear on this one line alone.

jahodiawjojaojowjdioj look I know we aren’t even ten minutes in and I already can’t shut up but!!!!!!!! My rant about how “angry chihuahua Steve” is the worst characterization wasn’t even entirely COMPLETE because at the movies scene, Steve downright tries to calmly ask the dude to stop at first???? His expression is wary and he’s like “hey, can you show some respect” and only when the guy keeps going that he evolves to “hey, can you shut up”. STEVE IS A REASONABLE PERSON WHO DOESN’T GO AROUND PICKING FIGHTS FOR NO REASON, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

“We’ll face any threat no matter the size” just as the dude stands up and faces down lil Steve. I LOVE.

Aside from the GARBAGE CAN AS A SHIELD MY HEART GROWS THREE SIZES EVERY TIME I SEE IT (STEVE FIRST INSTINCT IS ALWAYS TO DEFEND FIRST IT TAKES A RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME IN THE FIGHT FOR HIM TO EVEN THROW A PUNCH), he takes three punches straight on the face, all of which knock him to the ground, standing up each time. I kind of live bc it would have been easy to just cut to Steve already beated up and the dude going “you don’t know when to give up huh”, but they make a point of showing him standing up. This movie has such a good attention to detail.

Bucky tells Steve he got his orders and Steve’s sole response is to listen and then go “I should be going”. Steve kind of went through a bunch of emotional - and literal - blows in sequence, but his first reaction is not to emotionally rely on his best friend but to retreat and be by himself. Bucky sees through it and pushes him to not do that, thankfully, but it’s still an interesting characterization thing.

I’m in love with the way Steve takes a breath and straightens his bangs when they meet the girls. HE’S SO NERVOUS and he already knows how this is going to go.

TAKE HIS GODDMAN PEANUTS DEAR GOD LADY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO MARRY HIM JUST DON’T BE RUDE!!!!

Dominic Cooper as young Howard is just perfect casting. He’s a delight to watch and he and Rdj look alike enough to see a family resemblance.

There’s a lot I can talk about Steve and Bucky’s argument at the fair, but I think it all boils down to the fact that I think both reasons they mention for Steve to insist on getting enlisted are true. Steve has something to prove, he wants to prove he’s not useless, and he also feels that, if someone is putting their lives on the line, he should also be out there doing the same. Both things can be points of influence, they don’t necessarily contradict each other.

Steve doesn’t have any delusions about war, though. Both of his parents died because of it. He doesn’t show any joy for Bucky when he’s recruited. At this point I do think he has respect for the army as an institution, but he knows war isn’t pretty.

Steve hurrying to put his shoes back on when he thinks he’s about to be arrested, lol. Pretty sure he would have tried to run away if the guard and Eskrine hadn’t shown up immediately.

One thing I like about this movie is that, although it doesn’t really challenge the idea of american patriotism significantly, it works around all the potentially unsavory aspects of a character like Steve with small details, such as giving Steve a non-american love interest and a non-american mentor, making a point to acknowledge their struggles as such (”Queen Victoria”), and also making a point to show how Steve himself doesn’t partake in this xenophobia. It’s one of the reasons this movie works.

That’s all to say I love Steve laughing when Peggy punches Hodge. He’s the only soldier who laughs. I love.

What does one pack to go prepare for war?? BOOKS, obviously. So many books. He’s a geek and I LOVE HIM.

The FLAG SCENE. How the sergeant guy doesn’t even expects him to DO anything and immediately tells him to fall back in line. His little “Thank you, sir” before he climbs the car!!!! This movie is just TOO FUCKING MUCH.

I teared up in the grenade scene. I feel like this is all you need to know about me as a person. The way he doesn’t hesitate, how he was willing to die right there in the middle of a training exercise gone wrong. How Peggy also rushes forward to do the same. The way his body curls over the grenade. This is my favorite scene in the entire MCU.

“He’s still skinny” nishuhseifh LOOK Phillips is a good and deserves more love, his perspective makes total sense and I enjoy all his moments in the film.

Also, when Phillips is defending the idea of picking Hodge to Eskrine, one of the things he says is “He follows orders, he’s a soldier”, which perfectly sets up the “not a perfect soldier, but a good man” theme that Eskrine will spell out in the next scene.

“Can I ask you a question?” “Just one?” LISTEN!! Eskrine thinks Steve must have a thousand questions about the nature of the procedure, but Steve DOESN’T because he doesn’t CARE he will do whatever it takes, the only thing he wants to know is why him because that is the only thing he can’t bring himself to understand.

“So many people forget the first country the nazis invaded was their own” Like I said, this humanity that is granted towards non-american characters is a crucial piece of why this movie succeeds, and this line is iconic and actually a pretty important piece of perspective in a WWII movie.

I love the scene of Steve and Peggy in the back of the car so much, it’s my favorite Steggy scene. Steve is just so clueless, starting his first conversation ever with a woman with “HEY LOOK AT ALL THESE PLACES WHERE I GOT MY ASS KICKED”, and I really like the parallel that is stablished between them when Peggy mentions every door shut in her face, and how Steve doesn’t really get Peggy’s motivations but he respects it, even if he fumbles through when he talks about it. 

I just love how sincere the whole thing is. “The right partner”, he says, not even looking at Peggy, not using it as a line to flirt with her. He’s just earnestly and openly saying that he’s a) terrible with romance and b) a huge romantic all the same. I LOVE.

He’s terrified in the serum scene, but he still cracks a joke when Eskrine asks him. Also, Eskrine landing a hand on his shoulder to steady him is so sweet. And then the procedure in itself is so painful and Eskrine and Peggy are ready to stop it but he yells he can do it. I’m just narrating the movie at this point but I love it. I love everything.

The first shot of Steve post-serum is so hilariously pornographic, I still can’t believe it.

Peggy is actually the first one to pursuit the Hydra spy. Steve’s first focus is just on Eskrine. Strong characterization is all over this movie and it’s so good.

PEGGY SHOOTING THE DRIVER IN THE HEAD FROM SUCH A LONG DISTANCE IS SUCH A BADASS MOMENT.

Also she shouts “I had him!” when Steve saves her! This movie does so much to stablish she and Steve are really alike, I appreciate it so much.

I’m gonna refrain from objectifying Chris too much because god knows this is getting too long without this constant point, but the tits are out of control on the car chase scene. God bless.

And I love how he has no sense of balance or control of his speed. Crashing into a store and then apologizing as he runs away. lol

He’s so emotionally distraught over Eskrine’s death. And the Phillips delivers such a huge blow with his “You are not enough” line. This is SUCH a theme with Steve through his mcu narrative, and it calls back to his feelings of helplessness pre-serum. It always hurts me to hear it.

I LOVE THE STAR-SPANGLED MAN SONG SO MUCH. It’s such a fun sequence and it makes sense and it’s such a clever choice to have that in the movie. Like, instead of hiding how incredibly cheesy a character like “Captain America” can be, let’s just play it up to deliberately ridiculous levels giving a nod to war propaganda! It’s SO GOOD.

And there’s so many moments in this sequence, too. Steve with his perfect post-serum memory still having to read cue cards. His awkwardness holding the baby and his relief when he hands it back to the mom. The Hitler punching, the comic books!! This movie really hits a wonderful balance of honoring the essence of Steve’s original character while also presenting him in a way that makes him relatable and likeable to non-american audiences.

I love that Steve doesn’t even get mad at the soldiers mocking him. They tell him to get the girls back and he’s honestly just like “uuuh I think they only know one song, but I’ll see what I can do”. And then the soldiers call him a fairy (”Tinkerbell”) and throw fruits at him and he’s just upset, but not mad. He gets where they’re coming from and he kind of agrees, as we see later by the dancing monkey draw. Steve was never comfortable on stage.

“You two will be in a lot of trouble when we land” HE’S WORRIED ABOUT PEGGY AND HOWARD BEFORE DROPPING ALONE INSIDE ENEMY LINES HA... HA.... HA.............. MY HEART IS BLEEDING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

The little smile Bucky gets when Steve says it’s him is the cutest stucky moment. 40s stucky is the best stucky. 

“did it hurt?” “A little” lol okay Steve

Flustered Steve is adorable. And Howard explaning to him what fondue is. lol

That being said I don’t like the scene where Peggy shoots the shield. Maybe my least favorite moment in the movie.

Okay, ideally, the Howling Commandos would have gotten a little more screentime and development, but I still feel like their sequences work. 

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone in Coney Island?” This line is hilarious to me because I went to Coney Island last year and rode the Cyclone and there’s literally a poster specifically warning people with heart issues or who are easily sick NOT to ride. Bucky, what were you thinking. lol

I love the motorcycle so much, and I love that it becomes a Steve thing.

“We can’t just knock on the front door” “Why not?” :D

I feel like Steve moves in to kiss Peggy after she rescues him, and then she kind of reminds him of the battle. lol It’s cute.

I had never noticed Red Skull disappears going upwards into space. It’s incredible to think IW took such a small piece of open narrative and paid it off.

Fandom is full of hot takes about Steve’s sacrifice and each one is more terrible than the other, but I’m not gonna waste time salting here, I just want to say it’s a beautiful and moving scene and I love that he stays talking to Peggy until the very end.

Peggy looking at the picture of pre-serum Steve and the theme playing in the background!!!!!! I’M EMOTIONAL.

I feel like SHIELD was onto something trying to break everything slowly to Steve. But I love that he finds out, and I love the headcanon that Fury meant to test him and see if he’d found out even more.

I’ve seen the alternate ending where Fury talks to Steve more and reassures him they need him and etc, and I get why from an emotional standpoint you’d want Steve to get that reassurance, but narratively I feel like the emotional punch of “I had a date” is pretty much perfect and the alternate ending would have taken away from it. It’s such a great ending.

Welp, here we are. I love this movie. I love love love it. It’s a movie I’ve rewatched before a couple times, but I still got so emotional rewatching it today. There’s so much attention to detail, strenght in characterization, and space for characters to feel and develop. It’s amazing that we spend pretty much the entire first act with smol Steve. I love it with all my heart.

[crowned-ladybug]

Windowsill Hyacinths

And the other OC thing! Bc i promised

When is my writing not, but still, this one is just entirely self-indulgent. Writing’s fun!

OC blog is @menagerie-of-morons

Characters: Jackie, Marvin

Setting: main verse

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: periods (the unpleasant biology kind, punctuation is kind of a given I think)

These are OCs, please keep that in mind and respect it.

Neither of them are morning people. Thank goodness, otherwise Marvin doesn’t know how he could tolerate this living arrangement. But usually Jackie is still up before he is, and even though it’s only been two weeks since they moved in together, Marvin is already pleasantly used to waking up to the shower running.

Except this time he woke on his own, which is lovely for a Saturday actually. But it’s also weird, because it’s a break in an unsaid routine, and broken routine makes him anxious.

He hesitates at the door of Jackie’s room before he knocks, hoping it’s quiet enough that it doesn’t wake him if he’s just sleeping in (and Jackie either sleeps like a bear during winter or lighter than store-brand tissue paper, there’s no in-between, so his chances are still better than none at least). There’s a moment or two of silence before he gets a response – a long groan, unclear whether distressed or just too lazy to talk.

“You okay, my dude?” Marvin smiles, hoping the answer will be along the lines of ‘I just woke up and it’s too early and how dare does the Sun exist’. Instead what he gets is the most noncommital and obviously fake ‘I’m fine’ he’s ever heard in his life. “Can I come in?”

To little surprise and much more relief, he’s granted permission.

He finds Jackie curled up in his bed, forming an amorphous pile with his sheets and pillows and plushies, his disastrous bedhead and barely-open eyes just about poking out from under. He mumbles a ‘hey’ when Marvin enters, though it comes out barely audible thanks to the duvet he doesn’t bother to pull away from in front of his face.

“What’s wrong?”

Jackie just sinks deeper into his pillow and closes his eyes fully. For a moment Marvin thinks the little groan he lets out will be the only response he gets, but then he finally speaks. “Uterus bad.”

“Oh, damn,” Marvin sighs, and he finally shuts the door behind himself and makes his way over to the bed. Looks like poor Jackie’s period is hitting bad again, and it’s not surprising considering all the stress of moving just two weeks prior, but it still sucks. “Can I sit?”

Jackie just nods, and so Marvin picks up the stuffed sheep he finds fallen off the bed, and sits. Jackie fishes out one of his hands from under his mess of sheets and makes grabby hands at Marvin until he receives said sheep, and he hugs it, tucking it under his chin.

“Do you need anything.”

“A different set of reproductive organs, please...” he groans again, because that seems to be one of three things he can reliable do right now, but there’s finally some humour to his tone at least.

Marvin grins, and he’s pretty sure Jackie smiles back, though it’s hard to tell with so much in the way. “I don’t think they sell those at the grocery store.”

“Damn.”

Marvin gives a sympathetic hum and he reaches out to rub his poor, suffering friend’s shoulder. Jackie closes his eyes for a moment.

“Is there anything else you’d like then?”

“Hmm...” he opens his eyes again, and adjusts himself so that his face is less in the pillow now and more turned towards Marvin, for the sake of a better conversation experience. “I don’t know...painkillers, maybe?”

In the end that list grows to painkillers, the heating pad, a nice, warm drink and some snacks, and while he’s at it, Marvin checks if they’ve got enough pads too. Just because they moved in weeks ago, it doesn’t mean Jackie couldn’t have forgotten to bring enough in the first place.

And he’s so right. He scribbles it on the shopping list during his pass in the kitchen.

As a bonus reward from his fetch quests, he also gives Jackie a gentle lecture on how he needs to learn to ask for what he needs instead of downplaying the list to a single, easy-to-get item. It’s good that this isn’t the first period Marvin’s ever seen, but he’d very much prefer to just ask Jackie what he needs than guess it. Jackie looks sufficiently sorry, and Marvin reassures him that it’s okay, it’s just a work in progress (because the last thing he wants is to screw with the poor guy’s already messy emotions), and in the end Jackie ends up adding a new element to his list of current needs – a hug.

He’s granted that, in a kind of roundabout way, when Marvin lies down next to him (because the painkillers have yet to work their magic, and so Jackie doesn’t want to do anything but lie curled around the hot pad) and they cuddle for a while, a little clumsy and complicated, because there’s so many things on the bed to be mindful of now. But Jackie gets his craved physical affection, and he sinks back into a pleasant, half-asleep state as the pain starts to lessen, comfortable in the warmth of the hot pad and the way Marvin’s fingers slide through his hair in an imperfect rhythm. He listens to the in-depth discussions his friend has with some of his plushies, words fading in and out of the edges of his consciousness.

Marvin is grateful as all fuck for Saturdays, because that means neither of them have things to do and places to be. Jackie can stay in bed and eat comfort food as much as he wants, and Marvin can hang out with him and make sure he’s okay and also do the shopping before he forgets.

He eventually gets around to doing the latter too, traversing the thankfully not insanely crowded isles of the supermarket. He’s having a good leg day, so he only brought one crutch, and even that’s sitting in the cart now. He can hold his weight just fine for now and lean on the cart for a few moments if he can’t.

He gets regular, boring kind of groceries, like milk and bread and spices, because there’s always ones running out. Then he heads for the isle that holds sweets, most importantly chocolate-based sweets, and this time it’s not for his own pleasure. He ends up with three different kinds of chocolate piled into the cart after long, careful examination and consideration of all options. Jackie definitely deserves to treat himself to some good sweets.

He skids to a stop (fairly literally, because what sort of person would he be if he didn’t skate with the cart from time to time) at the end of the isle when he notices a selection of jars and bottles with carefully layered various powders and chocolate chips in them. He grins. Jackie loves baking, he’d surely love these funky little “cookie recipe in a bottle” thingies too. He sifts through the selection until he finds one with a nice recipe that doesn’t have pink bows, people in skirts and the last century’s ideal housewife on them, and piles it on top of the chocolate.

Pads are probably the toughest to get from the whole list. Not because he feels shame and a threat to his masculinity looking at period products, because he’s way past his “utter dumbass” phase in this regard, and if he feared for his masculinity so much, he wouldn’t wear skirts half as often. No, it’s because the one very important detail he managed to forget to jot down is the brand and make of the damn things. So now he’s faced with a whole wall of pads and racking his brain for what they looked like when he saw Jackie stash them in their own little box in the bathroom two weeks ago.

Except they all look the same – pink for day, dark blue for night – and the only differences he can spot in this visually uninteresting display are the brand names and prices.

He’d go for cheapest, but – really? It’d make sense, except who knows which of these things is actually comfortable and, like, good at its job? The price surely doesn’t. And Jackie wears boxers, do these things even work with those?

He’s pulled out of his thoughts for a moment when another person – long hair, dress, delicate make-up, all in all feminine-looking – enters the isle and gives him a look that’s...friendly? Friendly people in a supermarket, would you look at that! They’re probably pleasantly surprised by seeing someone on the more masculine end of the scale shopping for these things.

Finally, he admits his defeat and pulls out his phone to text Jackie.

But at least he gets the needed information quickly, and Jackie is sympathetic about him not remembering (“These things all look the same...” “I know, right?!”) and shoves two night and two day packs into the cart, because the particular brand is on sale anyway.

He gets off the bus a stop early to walk the rest of the way, the bag of groceries floating by his side with his magic. The weather isn’t nice just yet, and the wind that whips around him sometimes is cutting, but he enjoys a little walk. More importantly, he’s very much aware that there’s a flower shop on the way.

He stops in front of the shop, appreciating the stock through the window as he pulls out his phone, opting to call instead of text this time. He hates to ruin the surprise, but…

“Hey, did you get lost in the supermarket or something?” Jackie laughs into the speaker as soon as he picks up. It’s nice to hear that he’s feeling better now.

Marvin snorts. “Shut up. I wanted to ask how you dysphoria is doing today?”

“Pretty okay, surprisingly,” there’s rusting from the other end, Jackie adjusting his position wherever he is. “Hasn’t been bitching much yet.”

“Nice!” it is nice. He’ll definitely celebrate that. “Would it get ticked off by flowers, though?”

There’s a beat of silence as Jackie processes the unexpected question. “No, I don’t think it would. I love flowers, I’ve gotten over most of the social bullshit around them already,” he stops, then his tone shifts. “Marvin, what are you-”

“Shh, you heard nothing from me! I just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t end up making you feel worse on accident.”

Jackie refuses to hush just yet though. “Dude, I swear, if you’re buying me flowers just because my organs are back on their bullshit, I’m-”

“Listen,” Marvin cuts in, and he’s rewarded by silence immediately. “It’s my money and I can spend it however I want, so shh. As I said, you heard nothing from me,” he waits for that huff of breath that signals defeat, and laughs when he gets it. “I’ll be home soon!”

Jackie calls him an idiot as the call ends, his voice so full of fondness, and Marvin stays standing in front of the shop and just smiling to himself for another moment before he enters.

“’Elloooooo...” Marvin calls as he shuts the front door behind himself, and he hears Jackie’s goofy ‘’Allo!’ in response from somewhere. First thing’s first he calls his other crutch to himself, because his legs are tired now and he needs it, just in case, and floats his bag over into the kitchen.

He doesn’t even get to start unpacking before Jackie enters after him, perfectly upright and seemingly much more comfortable in his skin than only hours ago. He’s wrapped in a bathrobe and his hair is still dripping slightly, and he must have forgotten his glasses somewhere. Marvin already expects a wild hunt to find them again in like five minutes. But he looks good, in his lanky, dorky kind of way, and Marvin is so glad the day is going a little better for him now.

Marvin grins as he fishes out the potted hyacinth he’s bought from the bag. “Look! I brought you a new friend!”

Jackie stares for a moment too long, and his forehead gets a little scrunched up, and he’s still wearing that dorky, goofy smile on his face...and by now Marvin knows to translate that expression to “Jackie just got emotional as fuck.” He has just about half a moment to put the plant back down safely before he’s tugged forward and wrapped up in Jackie’s arms. He leans into it, and his crutches stay hovering where he let go of them. He makes sure to keep his grip on Jackie cautious, because it’s rude to squeeze someone around the middle when their organs are being disrespectful.

Jackie does squeeze him though, and it’s nice. He sounds a little choked up when he says: “Thank you.”

“Dude, it’s just a flower...”

“No, it’s,” he shakes his head, and Marvin can feel it, because it nudges closer to his. “You know I don’t just mean the flower.”

Marvin takes a moment to respond, as he presses his face into Jackie’s shoulder until he can’t breather properly. He adjusts his head, leaves his cheek resting there anyway, and he doesn’t stop smiling. “I know,” he takes a short pause and risks a very gentle squeeze. Jackie doesn’t wince. “Still, you don’t need to thank me.”

“Nope,” Jackie’s tone switches to something less deeply emotional and more dorky again, and he raises his head, though still makes no move to end the hug. He shakes his head and laughs. “Nope, we’re not doing this argument again.”

Marvin just laughs along, and shoves his face back into his best friend’s shoulder again.

[cow1sequester]

EPISODE 8 - “This game makes me wanna do horrible things” - ISAAC

TWIST: History Can’t Repeat

ELIMINATED: Nathan (3-1-1-1-1-1-1)

ISAAC

This game makes me wanna do horrible things. More to come later 

RAUL

Hello this is my first time talking here since Nik and Nash left the game oops lmao I just have a lot of fun just ranting with Cindi. Can we flashback to my interview with Monty where Monty asked: At what twist would you excel? Which I answered: The one where you can't vote for whoever you've already voted cause Im a hated bitch. Well spoiler alert, I think nobody has ever voted for me and I am FUCKED. My social game has been ON POINT so far and I'm about to get fucked by this twist cause literally 8 people can vote for me and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one everyone can vote for (that I know of). So I've just been playing both sides all this time, I have Jared on one side, Beck and Blake on the other and Owen in the middle with me. All of them have told that they are not voting for me this round which idk if it's me being naive but I really believe that I have their backs and therefore they have mine. Truth is idc that much about them, I literally told Jared: If you wanna take Beck out, do it, just I'm not gonna vote for him. And same thing I told Blake and Beck about Jared. So whenever this war is over I'm probably sitting pretty somewhere in F6/4. If I'm able to survive this round and next round my name doesn't come up, Im going to be shook cause I'm sure they have noticed how EVERYONE has been targetted at some point in the game while I have never been (let's forget that Cycle2 mess with Nathan cause...). They can't be that stupid unless they really think they can take me out on F4 or beat me at F2 which fair I don't have the messiest/most aggresive gameplay but I think it's a risk taking a social threat too far. If this is my last confessional, ily hosts, thank you for everything. 

OWEN

Blake and I rlly doing the most!!! Last two rounds I got Isaac voted out twice lmao and both times he came back which was sad bht at least this time he took out Juls who I also didn’t need in this game. My goal has been to keep bigger players like jared Raul Blake in while picking off others and this round makes it a little more complicated... Thankfully I’m basically safe unless I get dragged which I’m trying to make not happen. Blake and I rlly popped off both throwing out votes yesterday but Isaac STILL getting the four and leaving... chefs kiss. We rlly know where everyone is voting at all times and the crazy thing is nobody rlly suspects we are exchanging info??? Jared blames ryan for all the stuff getting leaked to Blake. The one problem with Blake being my closest ally rn is that he fucking leaks everything and let’s people KNOW he knows stuff. Annoying. Also I’m sure he will beat me at the end tbh which I can’t let happen but also I feel much more loyal to him than anyone else other than maybe patrick sooo idk ugh. I wouldn’t mind flushing the LOS tho. Hopefully Raul picks Blake to flush it if Raul leaves. Right now I was planning on LeaDing a push against Raul with nathan as a backup plan but jared kinda messed that up by convincing ryan and Isaac to vote Blake with him. I can’t let Blake die. But also pat can’t even vote for Blake so the max Blake can get is three and he knows myself nathan and him can all vote together for Raul.... so I don’t fuckin know anymore. I could vote Raul with Blake nathan and pat but then I risk getting dragged. I don’t  wanna put myself in danger on another vote where I am 100% safe. So maybe I throw my vote and let it tie 3-3 between Blake and Raul??? But then idk what would happen. Beck would be forced to choose an ally and then I could still get dragged by Raul. Unless I throw my vote and tell Blake to play his LOS and then Raul goes with three votes and can only drag pat or nathan????? That sounds best to me but that’s clearly worse for Blake and pat who I need to consider Ugh! Idk. Right now my ideal final four is one with either jared or Blake who will Hopefully get voted out and not drag me??? I want Pat there. Sitting next to ryan or pat would be crazy. Honestly jared ryan pat and myself final four sounds best for me because we could vote jared and I don’t think he would drag me but isk. The shitty thing is that means Blake would have to go and I don’t ever wanna write his name down. I need Beck and nathan out sooooon!!!! I wish beck could go this round and then Raul next oof idk 

BECK

i didn't think i'd get this far and the sequester format still stresses me out to worry too much about getting to the end but anyways i'm just trying to keep the target off of me and i'm letting blake play more boldly so that he's always a bigger threat than me. also we have 3 combined LOS's which is wild going into single digits idk we just have to be careful and play smart bc everyone is gonna try to play around them

PATRICK

So these past few rounds post jury has not been as bad as I was expecting. The twists have benefitted me greatly. Even though I had to play my LOS when isaac called me down I think I’m still good. Me and Owen are like killing it and people have no idea we’re working together. I plan to work with Owen and take him to final 2 even if I lose. Finally getting to work with him has been amazing 

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 3 - AHHHHH -Heather

I hate Tiktok dances. Im not in shape enough for this but like 150 pts is 150 pts

So I come back from Oak Island and Kevin has been voted out. Excuse me but what? Kevin of all people. The dude was great in challenges and a loyal person. But apparently Sunshine and John said he’d be too controlling at a swap and possibly had an idol? What kind of lame ass excuse is that at the second tribal council? Darcy, Mac and Kyle were all in favour of keeping Kevin over Jessie. Which means that Sunshine, John and Dan have some kind of alliance going on there. I don’t imagine Jessie is really aligned with them and probably only worked with them to keep herself safe. I don’t blame her at all. However, we’re probably going to lose this next challenge (partly because of me throwing it oops) which isn’t the worst thing in the world. If Darcy, Mac, Kyle and myself all stick together, and none of us go to Oak Island (Kyle and myself can’t), the four of us would have the majority to vote out any of the other three who don’t go to Oak Island. And as of right now, I think John and Sunshine still feel like I’m on their side. So I’m a little bit in the middle right now. I’ve got my fingers crossed everyone else on the tribe can pull together a win but a whole ass person not submitting for this is definitely a huge disadvantage for us.

In my opinion, one of the most important things to be aware of while playing survivor is your threat level. You can't exactly be too big of a threat or else you'll get voted out, and you also can't be too little of a threat or else you'll just get taken to the end, or be seen as an easy vote. This is why the meat shield strategy is one of the best ways to play survivor; be a threat, but never the biggest threat. However, I'm not playing the meat shield strategy right now, because quite frankly I don't feel like I need to. I'm so under everyone's radar, that I don't see myself going home anytime soon. Also, since this is my first time playing, it's hard to get a read on who really is a meat shield and who isn't. However, I'll be sure to make big moves; just not too many to get targeted over anyone else.

IDK WHO IS SITTING OUT BUT SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SITTING OUT AND I THOUGHT WAS SITTING OUT IS IN. IDK IF THERE IS TIME BUT I AM THE BIG ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS CHALLENGE NOW.

AHHHHH

Kevin going home was upsetting for me. Sunshine, Jessie, Dan and John are dead to me. I need to convince Keegan to join myself, Darcy and Kyle if any of us are gonna get anywhere in this game. I didn’t search for the idol yesterday because I was feeling sick and was upset with Kev leaving. I just don’t wanna go back to tribal. Otherwise I’ll be saying a few words at tribal.

I am very nervous for this challenge. Evan hasn't done anything so far , but if we lose, we need him as a number so we are stuck in a sticky situation. Livingston a while ago thought you only had to do a select few and I am worried because I don't want to lose  a challenge I worked so hard for just because people won't try. I hate having a for the tribe mentality because like I don't want to seem like a challenge threat but its more we have to work together and get as many points as humanly possible.

ok so this tribe turned into a literal mess. So i said i wanted to sit out of the challenge because i didn't have a lot of the items, and then i got ignored by like two members of the tribe which meant I was doing the challenge and evan and coco were sitting out. Honestly, I'm livid that I was ignored by people because that I take personally. I could care less about the challenge, even though I know i'd get like 6 points because i have papers and stuff to do. Luckily, we figured things out and evan is doing the challenge. If we win, awesome, but if we lose, I definitely have a couple people on my list. Luckily though, I'm in a 5 person alliance with Heather, Austin, Evan and Coco. That makes me feel safe at this specific time in the game, but I can't help but wonder who we will all vote for if we go to tribal tomorrow.

The dynamics right now are absolutely hilarious let’s breakdown: Heather: is currently having a panic attack bc this challenge is a mess & literally no one knows what they’re doing Eric: says ‘I’m not doing this’ then dips for like 20 hours. Evan & Coco are confirmed as sit outs, Eric gets mad at the hosts for some reason, & then forces himself to sit out. Evan: was confirmed as a sit out, dips for 20 hours because he thinks he’s not doing anything, comes back like ‘wait what’ & is hella salty Livingston: didn’t know that each person had to individually post everything Glo: is a angel her videos are killing me she is the comedic relief during these dark times. She also suggests we have one person go TWICE & have 3 sit outs LMAO Me: fucking cackling anytime anyone speaks in a passive aggressive tone We were supposed to be the tribe that loves each other now look what happened  

It honestly feels horrible not submitting a damn thing for a challenge because I am certain we’re going to lose because of it. But I don’t want to try my best in the challenge and have us still lose and then lose my vote at tribal. It’s just not worth it. On the plus side, even if we do lose the challenge Darcy, Kyle and Mac are all pretty down to blindside Sunshine for being snakey. So unless they change their mind right away and decide to axe me I should be in a good position.

My legs are sore and I made TIKTOKS to win by over 1000. Im..... I was gonna set a plan to get Livingston out but I mean I guess

We lost the challenge, surprise surprise. By a heck of a lot so I’m hella glad I accept the Oak Island challenge and didn’t submit for the challenge. It wouldn’t have even mattered. So we lose the challenge and shout our ho hums in tribe chat before it dies and everyone disperses to their quiet hidey holes to scheme against each other. And lo and behold Dan has immediately thrown my name out for not submitting in the challenge. Because I alone was the reason we lost. Whatever. Darcy is going under cover with Sunshine and Dan right now, Kyle is trying to act like a free agent and I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs wondering why the minority of Sunshine, Dan and John aren’t approaching the one person who wasn’t at all involved in the Kevin tribal. They honestly aren’t that smart if they’re straight up ignoring the one impartial person. Whatever. I wouldn’t actually vote with them since they voted out Kevin who was fantastic and useful. (#RevengeForKevin). Also, since I completed my Oak Island challenge I now have an extra vote I can use up until the final 5! I shouldn’t have to use it this tribal, thankfully. It will probably come in handy during a swap!

Is this what its like to be on a successful tribe? So unused to this. This gives me time to think and bond more. I’m thinking my first instinct to be threatened by glo and aim for her was wrong, it might make more sense to get her onside and use her both as a shield but also as a scapegoat for targetting others? We’ll see. Still good with Heather and Austin as a core three, and Livingston and Chips would be a good pair to link with if needed. Hopefully if swap comes I’m with some of them.

I’m crying at the fact we killed at. Like all of us were actually scared of losing & arguing & causing chaos & it was all for nothing & it’s AMAZING Also glo is scaring me she’s getting clingy she’s like “you wouldn’t miss me if we swapped” and I’m like what she’s like “tehe I was JOKING silly 😜” and like. I’m sorry what. Maybe I’m overreacting but that type of language makes me v uncomfy. Ion know that really off put me I’m gonna take a break from socializing. I’m pretty sensitive to behavior like that so I feel like it’s healthy to distance

Birch and Tawni really sat there being like, yall won stop trying. I thought we were up for competition. Oh Well. I had fun!! We love scavenger hunts

Me, Kyle, Keegan and Darcy are a good 4. With Jessie going to Oak Island that leaves Sunshine, Dan and John vulnerable. Keegan shared to me that he won an Extra Vote at Oak Island, which he hasn’t shared with Kyle and (maybe) not Darcy. I’m worried because I feel like I’m the 4th and not the 1st. Kyle admitted Kevin was his closest ally. My idol hunt is going alright. Definitely progress made.

To Kyle, if you’re ever reading these one day. I take back everything I said. You are awesome.

Fuck losing every challenge so far that’s all I have to say

I’m not sure if I’m feeling sick because I’m just sick or it’s the stress from this vote. I don’t want to be out this early. I can’t be out this early. If Kyle, Darcy and Mac can be trusted then I’m definitely safe and John is going home. I think I can trust them. I hope I can trust them. Why are we playing so damn hard so early in this game? Everyone needs to chill out or we’ll end up like Matsing.

Going to tribal I feel safe but nervous about what will happen in the aftermath. My group of 4 are pretty chill and not budging. Bye John.

No Swap, Thank God!! I think im fairly decent at this type of challenge. I won an individual immunity in this challenge once but idk how ill do with a tribe.

Oh my god my alliance is now in control! Yeah boi. Sunshine being HELLA QUIET after John’s boot was spooky but, I mean, he can’t complain since he did the exact same thing last vote. My problem now is not being the 4th member of the alliance. I’m scared that people will see me as riding coattails. I mean controlling the idol hunt is a cute look.

Our tribe was on a roll and had won 2 challenges in a row. I was starting to get busy taking care of my crush, and because of this, I had to sit out. However, apparently two people stated they were sitting out before I did. But the thing is, I never knew that. So I decided to disconnect from skype for the day to be with the one I love. However, I turn on skype the next day, and I'm bombarded with messages telling me to do the challenge. This really overwhelmed me, but then I realized it was an opportunity. 

Glo realized how much of a sticky situation I was in, and she came to my help, and told me she would be with me until I finish it if she needs to. Ultimately I wouldn't have been able to finish the challenge if she hadn't helped me. She also played it up as if I stepped up for the team last second and made an impact. I still can't tell if she did this from the goodness of her heart, or if she did it for strategic reasons. But, I do think it was moreso strategic, because she did mention that after she helped me as much as she did, that we would have to be aligned. So because of that, her actions don't really mean as much to me as it should, and I will take out Glo if it's necessary and beneficial for my game.

[womenofcolor15]

#WheresDrFauci: Dr. Anthony Fauci Is The Savior We Need & Folks Are Raising Hell Every Time He’s Missing From Press Briefings

Thank goodness we have Dr. Anthony Fauci to shoot down the lies Trump spew about the Coronavirus pandemic on a daily. When he’s not present, folks notice and begin raising hell on social media. More inside…

What would we do with Dr. Anthony Fauci?!

Listen, Trump has literally been saying the first foolish or exaggerated thing that comes to his mind during these Coronavirus press briefings and thankfully, we have Dr. Anthony Fauci - the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases - stepping in to give Americans the REAL facts. In fact, when Dr. Fauci isn’t present during a press briefing, the #WheresDrFauci hashtag starts trending on Twitter because people have realized he’s the man with facts about the Coronavirus outbreak.

In a recent interview with The New York Times, Dr. Fauci basically said he’s going to give the facts – straight talk, no chaser – no matter how Trump may feel about it.

“I’ve been telling the president things he doesn’t want to hear. I have publicly had to say something different with what he states. It’s a risky business. But that’s my style. ... I say it the way it is, and if he’s gonna get pissed off, he’s gonna get pissed off. Thankfully, he is not. Interestingly.”

Very interesting since we all know how Trump loves to praise himself on how “good” he’s handling the outbreak.

“I don’t want to embarrass him,” Fauci continued. “I don’t want to act like a tough guy, like I stood up to the president. I just want to get the facts out. And instead of saying, ‘You’re wrong,’ all you need to do is continually talk about what the data are and what the evidence is."

A “you’re wrong” wouldn’t hurt.

Last week, Trump was raving about an anti-malaria drug that had not been approved by the FDA for treating the Coronavirus, something he continues to do on Twitter. Dr. Fauci had to step in again to share the proven facts.

"I'm not totally sure what the president was referring to," Fauci told reporters. "But I believe he was referring to a report that used both hydroxychloroquine and azithromycin together to have some possibility of being an effect. Many of the things out there are what I have called 'anecdotal reports.'"

As we all know, Trump was quick to call the Coronavirus a "hoax," comparing it to the seasonal flu as he tried to downplay the virus. Now, Dr. Fauci said Trump "absolutely" understands the threat of the Coronavirus. Hmph.

When Dr. Fauci goes missing, like yesterday, folks sound off on Twitter looking for him:

  Dr. Fauci isn't there? Okay. Back to Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. CLICK! #WheresDrFauci

— Keith Humphrey (@Keith_Humphrey) March 22, 2020

    #WheresDrFauci Has Trump muzzled him?

— Staying Home Sierra (@Sierra0505) March 19, 2020

    Watching Trump's press conference and I only have one question.#wheresdrfauci

— Asa Allen (@sanc6284) March 22, 2020

    OANN, Trump's gonna treat you really nicely you lucky girl! What a hack. This chick is a WH plant, not a real reporter. We're dying here and Trump is in lala land bc he's not smart enough to grasp how bad this situation is. #Amendment25 and #WheresDrFauci https://t.co/iPQzb6mPiy

— Guilty As Charged (@mooielouie) March 19, 2020

    #WheresDrFauci #WheresDrFauci #WheresDrFauci@bryanbehar hashtag it https://t.co/Abm7mZOGtT

— R.C. Masters (@QCwordlady) March 19, 2020

    #WheresDrFauci we need the scientific updates from him! Plus the use of #Chloroquine in treating this virus is not a new discovery. It’s been on the news in other countries for weeks now. Thanks for catching up though

— VaBS (@2ndglorystop) March 19, 2020

  Protect Dr. Fauci at all costs. 

By the way, he's been popping up in other places to educate the masses.  Most recently, he did a Facebook Live interview with Mark Zuckerberg.

  Photo: Getty

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/03/23/wheresdrfauci-dr-anthony-fauci-is-the-savior-we-need-folks-are-raising-hell-every-time-he

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 4:

HOH: ANDREW

EVICTED: SILENCE 8-4

JESS: 

Pandora's box. You are kidding me right? I'm done. bye.

JESS:

Actually jk jk. I'm not done. Clearly this was an inside job. Two people pooled their money together and clearly got it. The real question is... will this get back to me or not. I'm so discouraged right now. I feel like for some reason people don't trust me? I'm going for HOH right now but I ALSO don't want to hear what other people think I should do with it if I get it.BUT also I should worry about that if/when it happens. WE ARE MANIFESTING THIS WIN LADIES! This are still too shaky in this house. I need more answers. I need more people. I just need a pint and a side hoe and I'm good. Everyone seems to be pairing up and I feel like I have no one to turn to right now. We got: Kristine and Chris Brien and Madison Eve and Mackenzie APPARENTLY: Dem and Andrew Austin and Silence Gwen and herself.. Kori and his "I'm in the army" references Me and my paranoia. THAT'S A LOT OF DUO'S in this game. ugh. I JUST NEED A PERSON someone I can trust. Someone who I know is going to ride with me for a while and I just don't see that happening. Which means crackhead Jess will come out eventually. So yeehaw. Also Eve wanting to take out people I'm close with like Will and Brien... no. NO. NOPE. Not happening. 

EMMA:

I think i am safe this week right now i am just trying to maintain my relationships in the house its still a little bit hard to see whos in power but i am told i am safe this week i hope i can win either week 5 or week 6 hoh because thats when those hoh effects the game.

KRISTINE:

IMMA TELL U WHATS UP!!! My life is a mess. I bought a property and Emma has the other one. We just need to find out who has the last one. And I swear to lord Jesus if it’s Gwen I’m going to be PISSEDDDD. That girl has got to goooo. I’m really nervous about Andrew being HOH because I know Chris is in danger and he’s literally my #1 person in this game. Me him and Emma need to make it through this round. I hate that Chris made an alliance that included Gwen and Brian. Since Brian knows our secret and Gwen is a great social player and honestly a comp threat that no one is taking notice of. It IS only round 4 which is fine but still... I don’t want to compete against someone like Gwen. Because I’ve trusted that person before and got super screwed. Thankfully, Chris agrees with me. Anyways. Please send me more money :))) my Venmo is https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2882981236572160313 PLEASE SEND MONEY

JESS:

Who gave out free samples of crack to the house? Last night I had a weird call with Eve. Essentially it seems like she wants Mackenzie to be given a power of the next property we buy so she can control the power via Mackenzie. I feel so bad for Mackenzie because when I've spoken to her she seems kind of discouraged about the way Eve talks to her sometimes. Which I totally get because I'm sometimes kind of shook by it all.  I reassured Mackenzie not to take it personally I just think Eve gets a tad bit overexcited with everything and kind of just shoots her shot. BUT. If these bitches think I'm their bitch they are GREATLY mistaken. In what world does me not getting the power this time when I literally gave up a property and money for Eve to get a power last time, work? If I was them I'd be throwing the power at my someone who isn't in the duo to make me feel safe and secure. I'm not giving up money and another power again, it ain't happening again. Kristine is all in my pm's now trying to figure out what is going now when it soooo transparent she doesn't trust me. Either Emma told her what I said about her and I not talking or homegirl really thinks that I haven't been hearing that she was leaking I was in a trio with Tawni and Gwen last round? Andrew being in power is good for me. He said he won't be putting me up, Eve wastes her power (although I kind of wanted it for us Chris going opens up the game a little more and takes a number away from the other "side" I see forming), and I think Andrew doing this will put some doubt into people's heads. This is all good for my game because it pushes another couple targets in front of me. My only concern right now is that Eve is going to expose that I traded her for that property.

KORI:

Alright checklist for the past 24 hours... Got both utilities to make the Monopoly... Check. Received the option to Open Pandora's Box as a result, and Opened it... Check. Is likely to get fucked over as a result of whatever twist comes of it... Check. Lost HoH and wasn't even close with Andrew winning it... Check. Was told that I was supposedly safe this week by the HoH... Check. Watched the Light Blue Properties get snagged with not much way to speculate who has them... Check. Missed out on $80 in Live Comps because I stayed after a bit at work and was driving... Fucking Check. I think that's everything, guess now I'm just gonna twiddle my thumbs a bit and hope Andrew isn't gonna nominate or backdoor me.

AUSTIN:

Su Andrew is HoH this week and he has nominated Madison and Silence for eviction but....I heard that he wants to backdoor Chris. I’m 100% ok with Chris going home because he always wants information from me but he never wants to give me any info in return. I was also picked for veto and I do not want to win because my Power Trap alliance wants the veto not to be used while my Mandela Monocles alliance wants it used on Silence so either way it goes if I won I would be screwed. Basically I threw the veto competition.

CHRIS:

HAHAHAHAH , if this isn’t a backdoor, I’m stupid. I know this is the case. For all that don’t know, me and Andrew are rivals because I targeted him in the last HoH competition and had people go after him. This caused him to be very butt hurt and a little bitch. Like bro , it’s a HoH completion where your dominating.. of course I’m going to go after you. I don’t care you called me safe, you are a threat since day one. Now I have Dem coming to me telling me all this information like bro.. what is you doing 😂. Thanks for feeding me information, you are not even in my final 5 but thanks for helping me ! This house is great and I know this backdoor won’t go through unless I’m over my head. Andrew , next time you have a chance, you should of gone for the head. 

ANDREW:

episode 4 So my plan for this week as of right now I’m gonna nominate madison and silence because they didn’t message me saying anything If chris gets picked for veto eve is going to use her veto redraw Hopefully veto is used by the winner I backdoor Chris Baby goes bye bye But also this pandora’s box is more than likely to fuck with me this week :/ My prediction is vote flip but i’m just going to carry on as normal cause i can’t ruin my game due to paranoia also my top 2 allegiances rn are Eve and Jess Lowkey scary that im not in any set alliances yet cuz i know there do be some probably But its okay bc it might work to my advantage later on when im the free agent that these whores need ALSO MARk my words here. If William nominates me when he gets hoh hes a fucking FRAUD he made a deal w me safety for safety and its a good thing cause i was going to nominate his ass instead of silence So far everything is going according to plan and Chris will be out of the house by the end of this week, Obviously if me silence or madison win there will be veto use William said he would use veto aswell Only thing: i’m rly bad at puzzles I lowkey hate that I talk so much in the house chat but I cant help it............I dont want peeps to think im annoying...Sorry I just wnt to contribute to everything its like a disease There is no better feeling than having Chris shake in his boots :heart: You rly fucked with the wrong twink babe He thinks he has the votes to stay. I just have to laugh Especially since he tried to discredit me telling him I was a threat to his game with the simple words of "Bet" Bitch Ill show u bet rq. This is gonna be a split vote i cant wait for this to potentially blow up in my face I am deadass providing a list for SIlence on people he needs to campaign to Like this bitch is not leaving the house My loyalties 

GWEN:

I really want Chris to stay. We’ve become really close in this game. People don’t know how close we actually are. If they did, my alliance would probably just want him out. The vote will be split, and sides will be chosen. Eve is trying to threaten everyone into voting Chris out. She is saying it’s a unanimous vote. Please. It’s clearly split. She needs to goooooo. Please please Chris stay!!

JESS:

What a fucking mess this vote is. This is what happens when cocky people get cocky and assume they have people on lock. I adore Eve and Andrew but... they should have thought this out a little better. I just.. I'm just.. I'm fucking livid. I don't get where Miss Thing Evelyn gets off saying stuff like "That’s my plea, stick your neck out and you will be rewarded". What are you going to reward me with? You warming the seat on the block for me after I'm gone because I sided with you? Thanks but if I wanted a seat warmer I'd go to Target not Walmart. But in all honesty, it's not like I don't want to do this move. I 10000% was into the idea but that's because I was sold the dream of it. I thought Andrew had more pull than he actually does. I knew Eve didn't have as much pull as she thought but Andrew I was wrong about. I was in a decent spot. I think? Kind of cruising the middle and now that spot is being blown up because it is CLEAR Andrew/Eve don't want to be the only ones to take the fall for this move. BUT.. I don't trust Dem to 1000% not get paranoid and flip and I don't want to be sitting on the sinking ship fucking alone. Dem is apparently going to just vote Chris so I guess I'm going to vote for Chris and hope for the best at this point. 

AUSTIN:

This week has been CRAZY! Basically Andrew won HoH and he wants Chris gone but he wants to backdoor him so he puts up Madison and Silence. Madison ends up winning the veto and Andrew replaces her spot with Chris. My dilemma is that I am in an alliance with Chris and Silence. I think Chris needs to go first because he is very sketchy. Also Silence can go next week easily. On top of all of this, I have been put in 2 alliances that I didn’t even know were forming. Each alliance wants somebody different to go home but I’m hoping that we have enough votes to evict Chris. 

JESS:

Also Brien is a shady ass hoe and I will be exposing his relationship if he fucks me with this vote. Plus, I knew his ass bought a property and traded it Emma with Kristine and didn't tell me. He's keeping secrets from me and I'm not playing this game like season 1 Sansa I'm playing this game like last season Cersei. No fucks given. I'll probably die soon. His ass is playing the middle and if I win he is going UP. Sorry but this isn't the Bachelor it is BIG BROTHER.

WILLIAM:

I'm so excited cause it looks like this is the vote that will get the game going! I love everyone and want to stay together but like I'm so ready to draw this line in the sand and cause some chaos going!

WILLIAM:

I dont know what Eve's deal is with this threatening game tactic, telling people "The vote will be 12-0" or "Is you dont vote with me it will be a mistake" but I cant wait to see her face come eviction night 😈

KRISTINE:

Absolutely no way in hell i'm letting Chris get evicted. I refuse to let my #1 ally go home because of Andrew's ego being bruised. I'm hoping that my deal with Emma and Brien goes through and that she is able to use the power to basically threaten everyone into voting the way that they said they were going to vote. Again, I REFUSE to let Chris go home this week. Not that I have anything against Silence because he's just like... there but I'm more worried about who is staying versus who needs to go. Anyways, Emma better not be lying about using this power now... or else I will come for her. Chris is like my little brother who is older then me and I will protect him at all costs that I can!

EMMA:

MACKENZIE:

i am NOT looking forward to this vote??? i still don’t know what im doing but i think this is going to be a shitshow

KORI:

So Kristine has dropped a shit load of Tea on me, which has led me to question everything. APPARENTLY there's a Gwen-Chris-Kristine-Brien Alliance. Additionally there was a Chris-Austin-Dem-Kristine alliance. (Though that 2nd one is kaputz with Austin wanting Chris out and Dem being upset with Austin.) Emma got that Vote Reveal which presumably, Myself and Jess know, and I can only imagine Kristine and Brien probably know given they were the other Light Blue property holders that both agreed to give the properties to Emma. So at the very least that's not a power I have to outright fear because I know who has it, I know what the Utilities did. (Sortof, still waiting on that Pandora's Box) The Browns are presumably gone assuming that Veto Shuffle was a one time thing. (That power honestly makes sense since Early on it's Useful but later in the game it'd be worthless.) Unfortunately either Eve or me is being hustled and given that Eve has a biased opinion others know about in relation to this vote, I'm liable to believe more people would lie to Eve about voting Chris than me just because I'm not a biased person right now. If it weren't for the heart to heart me and Chris had as well as really hashing it out with Gwen I don't think I'd be keeping Chris, however based on what I know about the Chris-Dem-Kristine relationship (Thanks Kristine) I doubt Dem was actually with Eve for the vote anyway, which means for Chris to go I'd have had to convince either Gwen or Emma to vote him out which we all know is against their best interests. My best bet right now is to try and recover from any blunders from this round with as much social capital I can walk away with and hope whatever happens with Pandora's Box doesn't just completely screw me over. I'm just ready for this headache of a week to be over, but given it's a live comp next, I'm expecting this next round to be just as trash.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 17 - “gonna get bit by the same god damn snake!” - Matt S.

I felt I huge weight lift off my shoulders after Owen left, the Lion(Corey) has been avenged. You made me idol out my closest ally, fuck you, a Lannister always pays his debts.

---

I made dis for Devon. It's a work of beauty.

https://imgflip.com/i/337avf

---

Earlier today Devon and I spoke about the state of the alliance and it was agreed someone is gonna get the itch sooner rather than later. The person we decided that was more threatening and most likely to feel that itch is Chips, Chips already openly told me he felt like a 4 was deciding the vote, well he ain't wrong but it's really like a two in a 3 that's in a 4 that's part of a 5 that was a 6. I almost went to Timmy to catch him up to speed but caught myself, I need to let Devon have his move. If he feels like he godfathers a strong play more so than he already thinks that he united the resurgence, he assumes he can beat me and won't target me as we work through the thick of it. All while this is taking place, he gets a bigger target should it come down to a me or him thing to go to the big one.

Today has been really quiet. Nothing much happening besides doing the puzzles. The mega puzzle was like :0 I literally printed out the puzzle so could do it by hand. Hopefully my times were fast enough for me to be able to win. Id be happy to be safe again. No one know about my extra vote? Vote steal? Its one of those two, i have had it since premerge so its been a while. Still cant believe im in the final 8.

So cullan wants matt gone, but I still feel matt could be useful going forward for me. He will vote with me unless he can find someone other the Madison to attach to. I feel I will be brought up this vote, but I will do my best fight that as I have options to sway people the other way. Matt did try causing some chaos last round right before tribal. But what I want to do is chips. This guy has a character arc for this game that would literally destroy everyone at the FTC. Going from first boot, the lagoon, the merge, then the end...that would be impossible for anyone to beat. I am going to try and get this on chips today so we can get him outta here. 

I smell bad vibes. No one I saying a name and that’s not good! Timmy who fucked me over so supremely is now he only one reaching out to me and I’m like how many times am I gonna get bit by the same god damn snake! I don’t really see any merit in voting me out so that’s my only hope as of right now.

Ifbdhshs It’s the final 8. I cant believe that I have made it this far. Tonight it looks like one side is going to want to do Matt tonight. And Matt/Madison havent picked a target yet. Timmy and I may want to work with Matt and Madison to get rid of Cullan chips ian and devon. We need to make a smart play here to insure that we make it to further in the game. 

The "move" is going to be on me tonight and there's nothing I can do about it. It's been real Kuwait, btw you're all welcome for saving you from being systematically eliminated by Owen/Kait.

Two confessionals in one ep, because it’s possible this could be my last one!! I knew I was going to be in trouble and then it was confirmed for me this morning by Madison and by the fact that Cullan Chips and Ian feel sooooooo confident that they don’t even need to talk to me. I simply have to trust in the people who I have talked to that we will vote Ian, because who wouldn’t vote out an immunity threat who thinks he’s gonna coast to the final 3 with Cullan and Chips?? Like I’m just here and chilling and my allies are gone? Anyone voting me is bad at survivor and won’t get my vote because I truly don’t even consider myself as big a threat as people left, so they’re just playing stupid. This is literally how the Witches Coven must have felt.

Well my Plan to get Chips our did not pick up so I have A choice to make. Ian my closest ally in the game is getting votes and I could tip a scale or matt who has not exactly been trustworthy in the game. Or it could be a ploy to get em tot grow my vote and vote me. I have no idea. Just have to see what happens. 

Trying to flip so shit again and get Ian out. Pretty sure I’ve said it before that I’ve known he is a threat but it was more important to get kait and Owen out first. It’s probably going nice to be a tie vote first so things are going to be messy at tribal but that’s the exciting part. Am I willing to go to rocks this vote...probably yea sure why not. Might as well take the risk but I can get fucked because it’s a 3-2 risk on it since cullan has immunity. But 5 person rocks isn’t the worst odds I guess.

It looks like the vote might end up being 4-4. Matt Madison Me Timmy then Cullan Ian Devon Chips. I hope after the vote we could actually get Ian out even tho i really like him. Tbh its going to be sad writing  these peoples names down. It has been since like the very beginning. I just feel bad. But we have to do it cuz its the game. So im sorry Ian. Ilysm

So this vote I won immunity (THANKFULLY) and right now the vote is split between Ian and Matt. Personally I want matt as I need to use Ian as a meatshield until final 5. Timmy, Maynor, Madison, and Matt are voting for Ian while me, chips, devon, and Ian are supposedly voting Matt. There is a potential to go to rocks tonight and Im all for some rocks especially since I have immunity. I just need to win the next immunity challenge and I'm confirmed final 5!

Welp! Owen left at the last vote and this round the target is Matt since Madison is not very good at challenges. I'd like to not vote him out since he's a nice guy but also he's not part of my end game so... The other vote is Ian, I think? I'd be down to do that except that I secretly want to start a "Dad's Alliance" or something with Ian and Devon and will probably pitch it to them if he doesn't get blindsided this round. As long as one of us dads wins that's what matters. Anyway, I'm going to vote for Matt and we will see how things go.

IAN IS VOTED OUT

The vote was a success!! And now we’re all thinking that tomorrow will be an instant tribal after the immunity challenge bc that makes sense. That’s probably why it was so important that all of us are around for it. What’s great is even after not voting with Devon, he’s in my pms asking about a way to prepare for it. I feel like I’m in a great spot and I know if cullan doesn’t win immunity then he is the target and if he does then it’s Devon because chips flipped so he’s good for right now. I feel like my best chance in the end is sitting next to Maynor and Matt. Matt has allies on the jury yes, but he hasn’t made many significant moves while Madison hasn’t either but she’s being talked about in game as if she has and that transfers into the jury. I would like her to go 5th, but I can’t think that far ahead because so much can happen. I have it in the back of my mind but otherwise I’m not thinking of it as the tell all be all. 

I can’t believe we had another tie in the game. This was scarier because I could have been rocked out if Chips didn’t flip their vote. Timmy and I did THAT. We were able to pull it off. Devon isnt mad at me because we told each other who we were voting for so there is respect there. Hopefully I could win the next immunity. Imma try my hardest to do so.

---

Im getting really nervous for the love challenge later today. Andhdhdh we might think there is a live tribal afterwords so just in case we made a plan A. Cullan and a plan B. Devon. I hope im able to win immunity this round. Going to try my hardest.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[lolbtsaus]

Werewolf!Jungkook (Boyfriend)

Last but certainly not least is the second half of the Busan princes, the second half of Jinkook, the golden maknae who is so cute and funny and I’m so happy he’s come out of his shell so much bc he seems so happy and that makes me really happy bc happy!BTS is my favorite BTS, Jeon Jungkook aka kookie

I’ve written three things for werewolf!kook so far, there’s the description of him as a werewolf in general, which is part one (here) part two is him falling in love with a human (here) and of course, werewolf!kook as a father (all of the father related posts are here)

Since one of the requests was for human!reader, I’ll be using that to start off with

Such a sweet boyfriend oh my lord

Always wants to make you happy 25/8, when you’re sad, he’s sad

S o many inside jokes the two of you can’t even keep up sometimes like why is that one even funny??? idk but it’s funny

Forever doing something funny tbh, making faces, doing that signature dance of his, talking in weird voices

You walk in one day to hear him using that weird deep voice he does sometimes while cooing at his dog and it’s a bit ?? to hear that voice saying shit like “who’s a good boy?? You’re a good boy!!” 

It doesn’t take too long for you to see him in his wolf form but it’s also not as quick as some of the other members

Kook doesn’t wanna scare you at all and he knows that just the fact that he’s a werewolf can be something you need time to adjust to so the last thing he wants to do is rush things and start chilling out as a wolf in your apartment

But he also really loves being in his wolfy state so he’s conflicted bc he can either go for it and just hope you react well or he could keep waiting

You know about the whole wolf thing, he told you about it when he was explaining that he wasn’t exactly human but it hasn’t really been brought up since so he’s not sure if he should bring it up again or if he should just do it or if he should ask if it’s okay

There’s one day where you’re meant to be gone all day long, you’re visiting some friends who live in a different city and you’re considering spending the night with them and everything so Jungkook figures it’s safe to chill out in his wolf form bc he has the apartment to himself

He’s not expecting you to come back that night at all so when you walk into the apartment and see a wolf in your bed, both of you are pretty shocked

He’s staring at you, you’re staring at him and the pup is just rolling around

In the back of your mind, you know it’s Jungkook bc it’s only been a couple months of knowing he’s a werewolf so you still remember the lil bit he threw in about being able to turn into a wolf but you’d thought he was joking to lighten the mood

You didn’t think he could actually turn into a wolf yet there’s a wolf laying on your bed, playing with your dog

He’s the biggest wolf in the pack so he’s not a teeny tiny pup, he’s got super long legs and he’s just overall a pretty big wolf, he’s got this really dark dark brown pretty much black fur

Although his eyes are more of a wolf’s size and shape, they still have the same color and the same familiarity to them

After that initial fear of seeing an actual wolf in your room, you put two and two together and decide to see if your memory is correct so you reach out to the wolf and hope that you’re right bc if not you may have just lost your hand

But thankfully you’re right and it’s just kookie and he gets so happy seeing that you accepted that part of him, his lil tail is wagging and he’s rolling around with the pup and you’re just :D bc your boys are happy

Seeing him on the full moon is really cool tbh bc he’s a really beautiful wolf as is but seeing him in his element is just w h o a

The pack is huge and the majority of them are werewolves (there are a few humans though) so it’s just countless wolves running around and chasing each other and tackling each other and play fighting and rolling around in the dirt

Kook has a l o t of energy, he’s a v v playful pup so he spends most of the night playing with Vmin and hobi or bugging Jin as much as he can before Jin starts chasing him around

The first full moon you spend with him, he’s really protective and doesn’t leave your side, even though his paw is literally twitching from how much energy he’s got built up from the full moon and his head is on your lap so none of the other wolves try to play with you bc that could end with you getting hurt

Once you spend more and more time with the pack, he eases up with his protectiveness

He helps teach you all the ways to make sure you’re safe when you’re playing with the wolves, he shows you how to warn them they’re biting too hard or getting too rough before they actually cause any damage (accidentally of course, sometimes they don’t realize how rough they’re being, especially with humans)

If it’s a serious threat, he won’t ease up until the threat is l on g gone and has absolutely zero chance of coming back

He’s one of the fighters in the pack so he’s got zero issues with defending himself or you or anyone

He’s not afraid to use his size to his advantage bc sometimes, just seeing a wolf of that size with that much power is enough to subdue any thoughts of attacking him

But also there’s always that one person who has to test the limits and it’s that person that gets the wrath of an extremely pissed off Jungkook and it’s that person that is very lucky Namjoon is there to intervene

Kook is protective over all of his pack but at the same time, you’re his person, you’re his mate and there’s a boost in protectiveness that comes with that

As I’ve mentioned in the other posts, werewolves don’t have the same type of jealousy that humans do

Their jealousy isn’t all that concerned with losing their partner bc they mate for life, they typically fall in love once and then that’s it, they’re together for the rest of their lives so they never have to worry about losing their partner or cheating or anything like that

Their jealousy is more attention based, more playful and puppy like

He does get jealous when you give too much attention to someone else and he does the tongue thing and just stares at you for a while before he starts doing something to get your attention

Depending on who it is and why they have your attention, he’ll either start doing something to impress you, like push ups, or he’ll do something dumb to make you laugh, like stand behind the other person and make faces or try to mouth whatever they’re saying

You’re human so you do experience the typical jealousy but kook finds it kinda cute and endearing but also confusing bc “I’m yours ?? why worry about them so much when you’ve got me for life”

He’s a good looking man with an amazing personality so he’s gonna get some people who are gonna be flirty or try to ask him out or anything along those lines but he’s super super loyal and doesn’t really give them the time to get that part out

Once he starts hearing that first hint of them getting flirty, he gets a bit flustered bc !!!! o h no that’s not supposed to happen but then he snaps out of it and makes it clear that he’s okay with being platonic completely and totally platonic just friends but nothing more than that

“What are you doing on Friday??”

“Ask my love, we probably have a date planned bc we’re dating”

When it comes to you being insecure about being a human in a pack full of werewolves, he’s always really supportive and sweet

Kook is actually really empathetic, judging from the lyrics of Begin, and there was one time a fan was crying in front of him and he kinda just held her hand and helped her calm back down as much as he could

He’s gonna sit with you and let you talk it out if you need to and he’ll keep your hands held tight in his and give them lil kisses and he may get a bit teary eyed too bc he never ever wants you to think like that

He doesn’t care whether you’re a human, witch, werewolf, whatever, he’s still gonna be a lil lovesick puppy for you and he wants you to know that

The next day, he plans the entire day out to make you feel special and extra loved, he’s got reservations for your favorite restaurant, you two are going to your favorite stores and spending the afternoon cuddled on the couch playing video games or watching a movie/show together

“You know I really don’t care about that right?? I actually love that you’re human, it’s easy for a werewolf to accept a werewolf but a human accepting us is rare so it makes me feel even more loved that you accept me anyways” 

Werewolf!Jungkook as a boyfriend is a playful pup with a whole lot of love for you who’s always down for cuddling in the rain and being your personal heater in winter

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #9: "Anyone wanna speak up?" - Zach

they tRIED IT SDLGKDMSKLGM

ok so miguel was voted off 5-4-1 miguel/ME??/luke. the four people who voted me were stephen / ally / jess / luke. thankfully, i could count on the Kato 2.0 people on having my back. we also just made an alliance!!! because FUCK my og alliance with stephen/ally/(and karthik). and I STILL HAVE AN IDOL.

ok i'm just shook. i lowkey thought maybe alyssa was playing me but.. she wasnt. she saved me and i owe her for that. i hope it doesnt really hurt her position in the game but she's by far playing the best i think.

i'm just shook. i'm not mad at anyone. i apologize for how i acted post-tribal but oMGGGfgGgG these BITCHES|!!! it's the game tho, and i hope i can keep on kicking and swinging cuz im gonna fight tooth and nail in this game.

also it's so funny idk why but me saying the last line was ALGKDLSGK i still laugh:

anyone wanna speak up?

(ill give more later im just.. frazzled)

Ummm so about that fucking vote. WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! WE HAD THE CHANCE OF TAKING OUT A FORMER WINNER AND A PROVEN CHALLENGE BEAST! I'm convinced the IQ of this person who flipped is a -20 because.. that was the stupidest move in the existence of Tumblr Survivor..... and I'm the QUEEN of the House of Stupid Moves. I can declare it.

I'm not 1000% sure right now who it is but I have two guesses.

My first guess is: It was Ally.

Reasons: 1. Ally has admittedly worked with Zach in another Survivor game. 2. She also arguably had the MOST contact out of everyone with Zach all day. 3. She possibly wants to pin this vote on Alyssa to break up any possible alliance between myself/Stephen/ Alyssa. 4. She wants to break up me and Alyssa 5. The group of Karth/Zach/Ally is a thing?

My second guess is: Alyssa Reasons: 1. If Zach left she is the next biggest threat here. 2. She wanted a shield. 3. She's trying to build as many relationships with people as possible to cover her social fucking ass. 4. She hates me and wants to off me and will use Zach to kill me in this game.

I honestly don't even know if my predictions are correct here but... I sort of hope they are and I don't look dumb in the future.

My plan going forward is: to not create a bigger mess that was already created.

XOXOXO Jessip Girl.

I'd also like to add another reason why I think it's Alyssa is because Miguel was one of the people who tried to vote her off.

THANK U

Wow!! An attempted blindside gone wrong. This was really exciting and fun. These are the reasons I play this game for, finally happy to see these happening. A lot of lies and betrayal all of which is understandable but these things has got me pumped up. I am going to play with my emotions and they have triggered me. Time to start playing the game and play it hard. An attack on Zach is an attack on me, so they better be prepared to handle my rage.I feel this was a very good tribal in terms of the game as it makes its future bright and exciting. Luke....what are you doing??? Everything that has come to out of his mouth so far has been a lie. I just cant believe the way he is playing, no where close to what I was expecting from him.

After last night's chaos... my word. I have a feeling Touchy Subjects is going to destroy some people here.

Plot twist: I've heard some recent developments about the flipped vote.

According to Tim it was Luke? Oh? Buddy.... has officially been put on my "Shit List" in this game. You can't sit around and play both "sides" of this game. THAT'S MY JOB.

I'm not too sure how I'm going to break this to Ally. She might not believe me but I KNOW I NEED TO TELL HER.

Also: I still don't get why sooo many people trust Tim. I know Tim doesn't trust me anymore or maybe... not as much as he used to. BUT why did he tell Zach right away about the Miguel vote yesterday? IT ALL SEEMS SO SKETCHY.

Being thrown in the basement has given me an opportunity to reflect on some things in the game. I was kinda flattered to be the winner of both "running the game" categories in Touchy Subjects. Unfortunately, that perception might cause the other players to plan more behind my back. I know from last vote that being in the basement before Tribal Council shouldn't impact things tooooo much for me. Still, I'd rather have the opportunity to talk with people whenever I want.

Speaking of last vote, I tried to blindside Zach! And it didn't happen. The original plan was Miguel, but things got switched up when no one seemed to bite into wanting him out. Ally wanted to get Tim instead, which signaled to me that she obviously didn't have a strong relationship with him. So I had to swoop in and say Zach should go instead because Tim is in one of my many alliances. Honestly I'm beginning to prefer the 4 Elements alliance over AJ's Angels because it's possible Alyssa was the one who flipped, and she's not telling me it was her. But after Touchy Subjects, I think I have a better chance against Karth in the end than I previously thought. He's viewed as inactive, which I personally disagree with, but that perception is very good for me.

Another alliance I'm in is the "Samurais" which I would have liked to call "The Resistance" but Luke had other plans. I honestly just view this alliance as a means to an end. That end being.... getting Zach out, SOON! Hopefully Ally has a case of tunnel-vision with getting Zach out as soon as possible and her/Luke don't suspect a thing when I flip right afterwards.

All of this is contingent on Jess feeling the same way, since flipping on my own wouldn't get me the numbers, which I think she will now that she sees the other players view Karth as being dragged to the end.

I'm still in the basement, so I don't know who the 2 sides are voting for. I doubt Zach sent me down here because he wants me to find an advantage... so I could be a target. I hope Karth and Tim would keep that from happening, and push the vote onto Luke instead. I might prefer to get Jake out just because I don't have a strategic relationship with him, but beggars can't be choosers. It's not like I'm particularly close with Luke anyway.

Ok so sorry for not making confessionals as often as I did before!!  The game has literally been warped based off of the fist merge vote. Zach was targeted by Stephen, Ally, Luke, and JESS. Freaking Jess flipped on me when I thought we were really tight and cool. I played off my frustration with the others in the alliance of the 4 elements as understanding but I made moves. I first formed that allaince but now I formed an allaince of Kato 2.0 minus Miguel ofc. Tonights vote I want to do Luke but lets see. I will talk about challenge results soon as well!!

i won IMMUNITY!!! i'm so blessed because i've been told by two sources (namely tim & alyssa) that i was going to be targeted had i not. so? bless!

regarding what ''subjects'' i won: - would dump rice in the fire [true] - biggest physical player [true] - most likely to have an idol [true] - trust the most [false??] - want to see win at the end [false lol]

so that's interesting. i did a tentative game ranking and originally i put: alyssa > zach > ally > karthik > stephen > jake > jess > tim > luke

but now i'd put: alyssa > ally > karthik > zach=stephen > jake > jess > tim > luke but it's still super tricky to accurately rate because of the multiple factors you could include (threat size, potential to win, potential to go to FTC, allies, etc.). i honestly think my jury management is 0/2 so far, and that i will lose at FTC due to ''not working with people'' even tho i entirely blame others for that :D

now let's talk about the reasonings for voting me (hopefully i haven't spoken about this already): stephen - were worried about a potential idol play/new vote so they voted the "safer option", named zach. --> this kinda throws me off. i think it's realistically the most truthful of the 4 excuses, but it's kinda sad that my name was a ''safe'' vote opposed to someone having my back (because i have tried to work with them and especially like. jess.) ally - felt betrayed by the stephen w. vote and like i ignored her. --> i think this is dumb. firstly, girl, we kno u are STRATEGIC. secondly, i didn't ignore her whatsoever?? i was the closest to flipping imo but i didn't because stephen w. targeted ME? like if she genuinely voted me bc i didnt flip after my name was stephens main target (bar jake) then... sister idk what u want. luke - last minute scramble, didn't think i was getting many votes. --> well this is just false. point, blank and period. jess - that when she offered miguel's name, i was hesitant and freaking out (and that she wanted to be my number one opposed to number two). --> dumb. i told her miguel's name. i said it'd be sad but i'd be down and not willing to stick my neck out for miguel. maybe i came off poorly, sure, but if you truly wanted 2 be my ''number one'' u shouldnt make the vote me but rather someone else.

i'm just peeved.

on top of that, karthik is sooo rude??? like he didn't tell me shit about the basement until i confronted him. LIKE. I SENT AN ENEMY (OF MINE) TO THE BASEMENT AND YOU FAILED TO LET ME KNOW THAT YOU GUESS EVERY 6 HRS OPPOSED TO 24?? LIKE ?? I COULDVE SENT IN A DUCKING FRIEND!! so rude. i honestly am questioning my trust with him more and more through each round.

i also want to talk about someone that's great. JAKE! i love you so much. last confessional i may have doubted you (and, maybe the round before) but i'm extremely appreciative for you in this game and i can't stress enough that i'm just paranoid as duck and worry way more than i should. thank u LOL i trust u a lot now.

but, that's all in the past. let's talk about tonights vote. allegedly, stephen told tim that the target was going to be me, but due to immunity, jake is now the target. this makes a little sense given allys been wanting jake out the absolute MOST, but i feel like it'd be a decoy. don't matter tho xx i'm safe. alyssa is also apparently flipping (or, staying i guess) with our side and voting out luke - who is our sides target. i see logic in voting luke. he'll be the easiest of that side to get out, but on the other hand, he's the least threatening and if i'm going to flip someone, it'll be easier to flip people against ally (best liar, etc.) or stephen (running the game, etc.) opposed to luke (voted out next, don't want 2 see win, etc.). but have it be known that i'd CRAVE idolling out stephen or ally, and i may just do that.

it's still early in the day, and a lot can happen. i'll try* to keep yawls posted. i genuinely trust no one and i'm like at the stage of being sad ): because i don't think i can win and i don't think anyone wants to work with me even though i feel like i've been super social. i am always opened when i play games, and that may be 'snakey' or something but i'm willing to work with ANYONE. but they are not seeing that, and i don't know what to do abt it. maybe they're targeting me for being a threat (as a main reason), and that'd make me content but it feels like i'm one of those "one sided" people and... yeah. i guess only time will tell, but my fatass is in final 8 with an idol and all these birches know that, and i'll just have 2 play around that. good luck to me LOL ALSGKDLSKG

After a shocking touchy feelings, I’m feeling nervous about this tribal. No one is saying anything and I’m honestly feeling like I’m going home tonight. People are telling me I shouldn’t be and I want to believe them but I just don’t know.

ugh I want to save Luke but I cant afford to lose Tim/Jake/Zach's trust so I may have to just follow the groups preferences and vote Luke. I would rather have preferred the target to be Jess/Alyssa as they seem to be playing good games and aren't close to me. I had talked it out with Luke and now I feel like he would be help to my game down the line but dont feel like going over the board to save him.

Luke is voted out 5-4. He becomes the third member of our jury.

[sarahburness]

How to Take Back Control from the Negative Script in Your Head

“Our greatest confusion isn’t not knowing what to do, it’s knowing what to do and still not doing it.” ~Richard Wilkins

I’d love to say I had an “Eat, Pray, Love” moment where sitting sobbing in the bathroom I received divine guidance to leave my husband and go traveling the world eating amazing food. But sadly, it wasn’t quite that profound.

It was more a long series of nights sobbing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, and concluding “You’re broken.”

I wasn’t depressed and hadn’t been for a long time. My anxiety, a lifelong companion, was under control. So what was wrong?

A general feeling of discontent, a lack of energy and enthusiasm to do more, a loss of my spark, a quietening and turning inward, and these overwhelming onslaughts of negativity and tears whenever I felt criticized or something went wrong, which was often. A sense of resentment and frustration that I’m sure ensured those around me felt less inclined toward being loving and giving me the care that I needed.

So all those nights in the bathroom crying didn’t lead me to any insight, but thankfully the universe did send me guidance in other ways.

Someone posted a video to a Facebook group I was part of by a guy named Richard Wilkins. It was called “My F*ck It Jeans.”

Richard is well in his sixties, yet here he was making a Facebook video about how he doesn’t let his age dictate how he feels, acts, dresses, or his enjoyment of life. He doesn’t worry about others’ opinions or society’s views of how someone his age should be, but instead lives true to himself, and has never been happier. And here I was in my early thirties, feeling wiped out and like my spark for life had been put out before I’d even realized I had one!

Over the next year I followed Richard on Facebook, and was drawn to drive one faithful Saturday morning to Northampton, to his Recharge Day.

Richard always says, “The reason you are there is never the reason you are there.” This certainly proved true for me. I thought I was there to find out if the course would help my husband, but after I cried myself through the first half of the morning, I quickly realized I needed to be there for me.

“You are not broken.” Richard’s words cut into my thoughts.

Did I hear him right? Did he say I’m not broken? Did I dare to believe that? And how did he know that’s how I felt? There were over 200 people in the room. Was it possible that some of them also felt broken? If so, was it likely that I was the only one who really was?

It was this question that led me to turn up on Richard’s front door step a few months later to attend a five-day Broadband Consciousness (BC) course with him and his partner, Liz, and seven other strangers, who have now become friends.

For the next five days I shared things I’d not shared with anyone before. Then I shared more.

I listened and didn’t jump in with advice. I made no plan for what I must do when I got back from the course. I didn’t look at my phone.

I struggled, then I had a breakthrough, then I struggled harder. I spoke up when I did and found others had the same struggles. I supported others and they supported me in return.

I woke up easily and full of energy. I laughed. I cried. I ate lots of biscuits and didn’t care. I felt like a very heavy weight had been lifted from my back. I felt like life didn’t have to be so damn hard anymore.

I learned a way of separating that negative voice in my head (which BC calls “the script”) from the real me.

I learned that the script is anything that doesn’t serve me and I would not choose.

I learned to recognize the real me.

I learned that the script is just thoughts based on incorrect beliefs, and that they are not true.

I learned that if I’m not choosing my experiences, my actions, and my feelings, the script will choose for me.

I learned that it’s not necessary to listen to, analyze, or try to change the script. All I need to do is recognize when it is the script talking and not me. And not believe it. And not act on it.

And I learned this not from talking about myself but from witnessing other people and the script in their heads. Because guess what? The script told them they were broken too. And useless. And they always get it wrong. And they are fat and ugly. And they are not good enough. And they are not loved. And on and on… We were literally all reading from the same script!

Since returning from the course, the impact has stayed with me and grown. After over thirty years of listening to the script, for every month I spend not believing it I get to know the real me more and ignore the script more easily.

So how can we all take steps to turn away from the script and tune into our true selves?

First off, you have to recognize the script and be open to the possibility that what it’s saying isn’t true.

In fact, make it your job to discredit the script, to prove what it’s saying to be fake news.

Remember that time it said you were dying because you were having a panic attack? Not true!

What about the time it said you couldn’t do that thing, but then you did it? Yup, it was lying!

Oh, this is a good one—how about that time it said you were worthless and no one would hire you? Ho ho ho!

Once you recognize the script you will be surprised by how many times it pops up!

Secondly, remember that you are not the script.

Think of the script as a physical book. It has many chapters documenting every mistake we’ve ever made, all the bad things that could or have happened, detailing how we ‘should’ behave, think, and feel about every situation under the sun.

The script also has an audio version, which is what we can hear in our heads each day. But it is not us. It is just the script being read to us.

If the script says you are useless, this is not true, nor relevant. It is just the script’s opinion.

Mentally put down the script and accept that, although we can’t change what’s in it or get rid of it, we don’t need to read it all day long, and we certainly don’t need to act upon what it says.

Lastly, choose! Don’t let the script sit in the driver’s seat.

The script lives in our reptilian brain and is much faster at responding than our conscious brain. If we don’t consciously choose thoughts, feelings, and actions, the script will jump in and choose for us.

Start with small things: What would I choose to eat? What activities do I love? Be mindful of what you say. Cut off the script and choose to think of something else. Get out of bed at the time you planned to. Choose not to engage in arguments. Choose to take a bath or read a book.

Every small choice moves us away from the script and strengthens our choosing muscles.

Here are my top tips for doing so:

1. Laugh or smile.

I recently went to a laughter yoga class for the first time and learned that your body and mind don’t understand the difference between forced laughter and natural laughter.

When you smile or make a laughter sound it makes you feel better. It strengthens your relationship with your true self and draws you away from the script. So as well as remembering to smile and laugh for no reason, building opportunities to laugh into your life can also be a real help.

2. Focus on what the script doesn’t see.

When you’re walking down the street, the script is on high alert for potential threats. It’s trained to look out for all the negatives and potential problems. If you (your higher self) are not alert, you will listen to all the bad things the script has spotted, not just in the street but in your job, your relationship, the activity you’re doing, your children’s behaviour, your body… and on and on.

One way to practice discontenting from the script and tuning into the real you is to focus in on all the good stuff the script filters out (in BC we call these “pearls”). Pearls don’t have to be anything huge. It could be a text from a friend, a hug for your child, a chance to grab a cup of tea in silence, or a warm bed at the end of a long day.

3. Be mindful of your language.

The more we look for something, the more it will show up in our life. This is true not just in terms of what we see in the world but also the stories we tell ourselves.

The reptilian brain (where the script lives) doesn’t take time to fact-check what it tells us, yet because it’s coming from inside our own head we tend to believe it. It’s like taking in a headline but not reading or researching the article, then accepting that headline as fact and maybe even repeating it to others.

So, if someone asks you how you are and you immediately jump in with “tired” or “stressed,” this is what you will believe and therefore how you will feel. If you moan about your partner or say critical things to them, you are repeatedly telling yourself that your partner isn’t good enough. How do you think this affects how you feel and act toward them? And the response you get in return?

4. Choose.

Start choosing instead of allowing the script to choose for you.

Choose food you know will make you feel good. Arrange activities that bring you joy. Say no to that event you don’t really want to go to. Choose to go for a walk at lunchtime. Choose to give your opinion or choose to forget the ironing and take a bath.

Do whatever you feel called to do when you really tune into your feelings rather than letting autopilot or society’s demands take over.

5. Let it pass.

A food craving lasts three minutes, so if you can ignore it for that long it will be gone. I’ve found it’s the same with the script.

When something triggers the script and you suddenly feel angry, sad, or inundated with critical thoughts, it will generally abate after a few minutes. No need to act on the script either by saying something or doing something. Let it pass, then when you’re no longer in the script decide if need to act.

Also, remember that whatever triggered the script is not responsible for your subsequent feelings, it is the script making you feel bad, not your colleague, partner, or the guy who cut in front of you in the line.

6. Share. Learn. Explore.

The world of self-development can be overwhelming. The script will always tell you that you need to learn more, fix this problem, work on yourself just a bit more. Be conscious of this and instead stick to readings and learnings that align with the simple practices I have mentioned above.

Focus on sharing as you learn rather than feeling drawn to learn more and more and more. This will reinforce the messages and in turn, you will learn through the telling.

Be aware of your learning style. If you learn from sharing, then talk to people about what you have learned here. If you learn from writing, write about your experiences or doodle your own version of how to explain the script to a stranger.

When we share what we have learned and help others, we move away from ourselves and our own problems, and this prevents us from dwelling and drawing more problems to us.

7. Exercise.

Everyone says this, but it’s for good reason. Exercising for twenty minutes a day is as effective in boosting your mood as some antidepressants. So whether you’re depressed or not, that has got to be good for you! It gets you out of your head, where the script is, and into your body.

By getting into your body, you can tune into your conscious mind, and you’ll likely find that ideas, inspiration, and solutions to your problems present themselves.

8. Listen to music that uplifts you.

Similarly, use music to get yourself out of your head and into a chosen state. Choose music that reminds you of happy times, or music that gets you energized and ready for inspired action.

9. Get competitive but not angry.

Try to avoid getting angry with the script, since it’s only trying to help, although ineffectively. Instead, develop a healthy competition with it.

If the script thinks you are too lazy to go for a walk, do it.

If the script thinks you are too scared to do something you’d love to do, do it anyway.

If the script thinks you should say no to an amazing opportunity, ignore it.

If the script wants you to lose it with your partner, choose not to.

Thank the script for its input, but remind it that your real self has the resources, experiences, and skills to deal with life without its help.

10. Keep asking, “Is this true? Would I choose this?”

Odds are, once you’ll tune into your higher self, you’re realize the answer is no. And you’ll be able to choose for yourself instead of letting the script run the show.

About Kathryn Reay

Kathryn Reay uses her experiences to deliver a one-day version of Broadband Consciousness. These intimate workshops for a maximum of six participants focus on letting go of negative self-beliefs and identities, learning to recognize the script, and choosing more positive thoughts, feelings and experiences. Past participants have described them as “life changing”! You can connect with Kathryn on Facebook and Instagram.

More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post How to Take Back Control from the Negative Script in Your Head appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-take-back-control-from-the-negative-script-in-your-head/

[survivorelara]

Episode #8: “These horny ass giraffes” - Drew H.

Well, I'm a big flopping mess, I fell asleep and failed to vote. ADDITIONALLY, Dani was the one sent home, which nobody even told me was gonna be a thing. Like Loris mildly mentioned it to me, but I didn't take that to mean that 3/4 of the merge was gonna vote Dani out.

I realize that John and Dani didn't even vote Ci'ere which was supposedly the plan, so it's good to know that John is someone I can really rely on... NOT.

I'm more frustrated with myself though because I should be capable of more than I was. I'm feeling on the outs though, because I don't even know where the Roxy votes came from.

This game is a fucking mess for me.

https://youtu.be/0k5pTCBa_1M

"heuse1acToday at 10:42 PM No idea! The fact that john was put in the mix is really interesting though bc he easily could've just jumped the alliance i accidentally screenshotted a million years ago So that makes me think loris might be a part of that conversation bc he's the only one who would like have that mindset of including john bc he saw the flip firsthand And we all definitely used that joint tribal and the lie as a talking point so it'd be easy enough to say we still have emotions about it, even without proof That's just my read on it tho, i have no proof. But if it was him, that would explain why you were targeted of the 4 of us bc he really does seem to have something against you asdfghjkl"

why does this sound so fishy to me like he is hard core tunneling Loris. Makes me super sus nnn

"DrachusToday at 12:05 AM god If we go f2 somehow We'll be the most hated f2 I can't wait "

ok i love you drachus but fuck he totally plans to drag me as a gaot doesnt he lol

Okay, operation get Roxy to blame Loris for the target last night is in full effect. Do I think he's the one who actually put Roxy's name out there by spreading stories that she was targeting Ci'ere? Eh maybe, leaning probably not. But Roxy has it in her mind that Loris has a vendetta against her, and there is JUST BARELY enough loose strings to thread together into a convincing enough forgery. Loris being targeted eventually is needed because of how close he is with Andrea and how much I'm sure he will never give up resenting the fact that he prob would've been next on swapped Auva. And end of the day, if we fail, Roxy is the one who leaves and that opens a lot of doors for me that a "leaked alliance" is holding firmly closed.

I took a goodnight's rest before really pursuing making this confessional. Not getting rid of Sam earlier in this game was the biggest mistake of every player in this merge. I love Samuel to death, probably my favorite straight male ever (sorry Jack and Seamus), but the boy really woke up during the last 24 hours of this game.

Not only he successfully convinced everyone to vote his way, he temporarily bridged the feud between Ci'ere and Dani for a brief moment to get the numbers and all of the votes turned for Dani. He claims that he didn't know that Ci'ere will call myself, Drew H., Roxy and John out- but after that joint tribal- anyone who had any part with the old Zosma tribe is treacherous.

Where does this confessional lead? Well I tell you, Sam perfected the under-the-radar strategy during the premerge portion of this game AND got everyone to vote his way just so that he can get revenge for her bitchy attitude. I literally have to give any and all credit to that boy for that last round because that was pure genius because it got my Auvas and John to be EXTREMELY more pissed off at Ciere while he is controlling that emotional mess by the strings. Amazing. But it is time to plot his demise.

Everyone in this game is damned fake and transparent it makes me sick. I'm tired of people trying to pass off not being aligned with others when it's painfully obvious.

Drew H. tried to pass off him and Roxy being a 1 time thing... despite voting together the entire game so far.

Loris was briefly entertaining the idea of voting Ci'ere though he was obvious about reservations... 1 tribal later, Ci'ere is using an idol. (Though he didn't get any votes so it's whatever.) Now Loris is saying we need Ci'ere to stay. Which is whatever I guess, but to me it's like ok you two are clearly a F2 or something, there is more to this than I'm being told.

John, didn't even vote Ci'ere when it was his idea, but he hasn't told me anything about the past tribal which is beyond infuriating.

I feel like I'm floating, in the middle of the ocean without a raft, and I can swim and float for a little while, but it feels like the sharks are coming from somewhere no matter how I disguise myself in the water.

Noah fence but I wanted to get kori out since they’re so good at comps but now we might never get the chance :shrugs:

I don’t think anyone hates me so I think I should be good this vote ?? Watch me catch this blindside

i'm actually so mad right now, I knew one of those two had the idol... and ci'ere said he found it on his very first guess with 39. BITCH 39 WAS LITERALLY MY 2ND GUESS, HOW DOES HE GET THAT LUCKY IM SO SAD I WANTED THAT IDOL :(

Aye, Won a challenge, let's gooooo! Lol, thankfully there was a score reasonably close to mine, so I didn't look like I utterly destroyed the challenge.

I also got that idol clue, which I mean eliminated a ton of possibilities. Though it'll be hard to sus out which Non-American astronaut it is. (I'm hoping a future idol clue is that the astronaut isn't Russian so as to eliminate a ton more options.)

I think I'm gonna try for a Dylan boot, because the guy and I almost never talk, he won the last challenge so he's clearly capable in some regards, and he's on OG Auva, and if original tribe lines come up, that'd put us at 5v3v2, though I'm not banking on those lines given the way Loris, and John both act.

Ok so before the last tribal, I thought people would be wanting to vote for Ci'ere. Then later Ci'ere starts going off in the tribe chat saying to vote for Roxy because she has an alliance with the Drews and myself. And in his tribal question he basically calls me out saying tribal lines have already been crossed because of the fact that I voted against Revati the round before. BOI you weren't even there so stfu?? Yes there is an alliance but there has legit been no game talk in it, Roxy just made it to ensure I would vote with them, which I was going to in order to get Zach out anyway. I went to a few people to reiterate that fact. I wanted Ci'ere to leave before but now it'd be in his best interest to not speak to me.

Kori won immunity and I fell asleep early because I was tired afff. I wake up, seeing that Kori has apparently gone to all of Revati targeting Dylan. He knows that I really want to target Ci'ere, especially now that he doesn't have immunity, and that I want to work with Dylan. The problem I have with my Revati tribe is that I don't feel too much trust with them as of now. Emma doesn't talk to me, Loris doesn't as much anymore, Kori can be very controlling, and I don't know fully where I stand with Andrea. I will most likely not be voting Dylan out tonight, and if Kori really wants to go to final 2 with me he should respect that. Ci'ere would be my ideal vote tonight but if nobody is going to vote him out, I may end up voting for Emma because if anything I know I've got Drew H. Either way, I think at this point my messiness meter is through the roof so hopefully nothing comes back to bite me in the ass woooo

Andrea telling me that she’s not voting for Emma and that she also doesn’t know who to vote for. I love people indirectly telling me that they’re voting me out

I’m confessing so much but that’s only because I feel like I’m going home today and I need to make a lasting impression so I can win fan favorite 💅🏻💅🏻

Anyway I think I have the votes to stay but if an idol gets played then I’m going home for sure

The original revati idol was never played so I don’t trust this vote at all tbh

Hopefully this isn’t my last confession but if it is then goodbye xoxo

Emma has the idol and loris has the advantage. I am LIVIN I decided to just be honest to everyone and ya we shall see how it goes I still don’t think I can win and Emma told lORIS about to he alliance which is concerning but um idk ok we shall see

Well, it seems likely that John and I will be separating in the near future, he just isn't open to me like he was at the beginning of the game, and I just don't know if I can work with him.

None of my thoughts or ideas seem to gel with him, and it just doesn't seem to be working out.

If people are telling the truth than it should be Dylan going, from there ideally we vote out Drew H, who is a reasonable threat and it ideally throws that whole alliance into chaos.

From there I think I'd want Ci'ere gone, and after that maybe Loris? But we'll see how things go, immunity wins and other events are likely to shakeup the game, to which I'll have to be flexible, so I don't wanna start overplanning just for everything to be thrown out of wack.

yeah so this vote is clearly a Dylan or emma going home scenario. personally im voting Dylan mainly because we have no relationship at all game wise, and emma seems dead loyal to loris and me kinda, which is way more valuable to me than a guy the auva's wanna try and use as a "number." plus, people seem to think emma is kori's free number, which may be true but he was the one pushing for the Dylan vote, which will only turn him into a more visible character which I need in my life right now. yeah after last vote I definitely need to sit back and let other people drive, but I'm all for someone I know im not gonna work with going home this round. I know the drew's wanted emma gone, but I told them straight up I was probably voting Dylan since we have no relationship, but that next vote a green has to go and they seem all for it. so hopefully this is setting me up for a nice ride the next few votes? let's hope oh god inb4 I die next round before single digits ima kms

ALSO SUCK IT DANI MAN YOU THOOOOOOOUGHT I WAS LEAVING THIS ROUND HA BIHHHHH YOU CLUELESS SEE YOU AT FTC!!

man oh man ciere, you really trying it huh. over here threatening my man drew T that he'll be next to go if he doesn't vote emma? that also means ill be in the crosshairs too? nah bruh, we aint having any of it. Dylan is leaving this vote then guess what, you're gonna be blindsided, and oh my god I cant wait to see that happen. should've stuck with me, smh

ciere is REEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYY trying to take control of this vote and get emma out, bruh if that aint obvious idk what is, esp when he hasn't included me in it. why is he here and not toby.... :(

https://youtu.be/H3vuhKG9APE

ok so I swear I wrote this already but woooo Emma has idol I have legacy Andrea is a queen iconic trio I also have a deal to go to the end with Sam ??? Oops. At this point I just feel valued but it’s probably because they realise I’m useless and will not be able to write a speech at FTC and also I’ll just get fucked over because it’s live.... oh well. 5 more tribals to go!! well four but I’m writing this in the future

All my ladies pop your kitty like this, Shake ya body don’t stop don’t miss all mah ladies pop ya kitty like this justto it do it do it do it now do it good luck that kitty just like you should

Dylan is voted out 8-3.