#not counting the amt of times I watched the video

[rrxnjun]

from here ;

hmm i haven't really listened to dynamite and tbt i don't really want to bc butter was v disappointing djkfhgf i had only been in book fandoms since the beginning bc i got a yt/gmail acc only after i turned 12. i gave western music a ‘serious’ listen from then and after that i got into the wild place that is k-pop. ngl i don’t regret it bc the insanity >>> but oml there was a time when i used to read like 2/3 books in a week and now it’s regressed to like 1 in 6 months i genuinely feel bad for not being able to make the time to read 😭😭 (are we counting fanfiction tho hmmm). it was fun reading all those ya dystopian fiction with crazy amts of angst lol. are you into any specific book/author these days?

omg do you play the flute ?? and noooo sticker is nuts but I really like roadtrip from the album it’s so pretty as a song dkfjgd

FDSDGH so i’m pretty sure yangyang said the same ab cat food so bye bye #bar and renjun soulmate agenda hihi #bar and yangyang childhood rivals to complicated relationship with messy feelings (enemies ?? ) bc you’re both grown up now but he’s still a p(r)etty, overthinking idiot [affectionate] to friends of weird sort to smth more wink wink??

YESSS GIVE EXO A TRY their group music is so good literally all of them are bops i can’t stress enough on how good they are 🤧 omg i love their solo stuff too kyungsoo’s solo songs literally have me shedding tears haven’t still recovered from empathy. love shot ikfjgd it's one of those songs which makes loving exo so damn easy it’s the song which got me into them, that and overdose <3 and the choreo🧎🏾‍♀️love how we all collectively went batshit crazy over love shot oh gods i absolutely loved watching other idols trying that iconic love shot move the feeling of unitedly obsessing over them is unparalleled. here’s the exo playlist hope you like it omg had to use up all of my self control from adding entire discographies. 

I LOVE BAEKHYUN’S VOICE even when the man’s screaming which is like always lol <3 that compilation video of byun baekhyun screaming in youtube my beloved. cry for love is beautiful and un village was the first baekhyun solo i listened to so it’s special <3

the worst part is how superm won’t be active in the next few years bc of the enlistments we’re losing god tiered music makers to the war </3 kjdgf ALL OF THEIR VIDEOS ARE HILARIOUS YESS those vids where they quiz each other is sm chaos lmaoo. jfgsdf have you watched this video where they react to their as we wish scenarios?? sheesh that amt of clowning and slandering is >>> ohhh fave superm song hmm hard to choose but i’ll go w dangerous woman (ten’s ‘what’s wrong with you part’ is just too cute) wish you were here, infinity and tiger inside.   

ALSO LOVED THE PARX PLAYLIST haven’t listened to it fully tho but for now my faves are easy to hate and i felt younger when we met omg i love most of the songs from fandom <33

and oml tysm i really needed to see that 😭 i’m literally so scared bc lord it’s my last year in school and my last year as a minor ahhhhh 🤧 stem is extremely hard and puts me through sm pain <3. the only reason i’m sticking w it is bc i like learning it <3 getting the opportunity to study what you like is actually such a rare thing + almost the entirety of my country’s population is obsessed w getting their kids major in stem subjects (bc of the asian stereotypes surrounding those fields) but we don’t have that many good unis so the competition is really tiring </3

p.s. i haven’t really used tiktok so idk 💀 and the yangyang brainrot is doing a little too bc of your fic 😵 feeling sm things after reading i’m not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) bc yangyang's character <33 need a few weeks to recover from that tyvm 

oof i get you w butter it was so disappointing🤧🤧but oh well. everyone has different taste🤷‍♀️ i dont really get solo armies but i guess im not the one to judge.

i get you with book fandoms!!! i wasnt in many book fandoms, since i didnt really know they existed 💀💀 but i am a massive bookworm! i too used to read like 3 books a week once and now im happy if i do 1 every three months😭 but im busier now and also have other hobbies, so i guess that's why i dont read as much anymore! what are some of your favorite books? 🥰 im a big fan of john green books (dont judge. i copy his writing style /j) and j.d. sallinger! i love me some good YA and dystopian books hhh. im currently reading this crime book i stole from my grandma but im too lazy to look up the english name 😭😭😭 are you reading anything atm?

SJSJSJ i dont play the recorder 😭 i mean,, i have it at home and i can play when i look up the simplified version of notes with the drawings,,, like the sheet music they do for elementary school children 💀💀 i knew how to play the titanic song lmaoo i play the guitar tho! do you play any instruments?

your yangyang childhood rivals to complicated relationship with messy feelings (enemies??) bc you're both grown up now but he's still a p(r)etty overthinking idiot [affectionate] to friends of some sort to smth more wink wink is so specific i might just take some inspo from this wink wink

OVERDOSE >>>>>>> I FUCKING LOOOVE THAT SONG@!!! also i listened to the playlist and found out that i knew more than half of the songs you added 😭😭 i loved the ones that were new to me tho!!!! espeCIALLY going crazy! i think that one was my fav out of the new ones! i might just need you to help me stan them or something bc the playlist slAPS

dont remind me of superm military hiatus when i miss them the most :(( also no i havent seen these!!! gotta catch up sjsjsn

FANDOM IS MY FAV PARX ALBUM!! its very dear to my heart!! also our fav songs match🥺 i felt younger when we met is probably my most played song of this year smh 🤧

oh so youre 17?? enjoy it i romanticize that age so much i feel like the last time when i was truly happy was when i was 17 💀 but no trust me its all gonna be good! i know it seems scary but as your self proclaimed older sister figure, i promise its less difficult than it seems and you'll do great. you can always come to me and vent whenever things get hard! i am glad you are fortunate enough to study what you want to, its truly a privilage some of us tend to overlook

p.s. the yy brainrot is still going in me as well i listened to miracle today on repeat and i swear his parts make me feel a different type of way😭 also make sure to tell me more abt your thoughts and feelings on that fic if you want to!

[rotten-pain]

Hyperfixations and special interests as they apply to me; a person with both ADHD-C and autism.

Hyperfixations:

I'm not sure if I've experienced hyperfixations specifically, I hear they can take over so much of ur focus that u forget about ur own needs. They tend to be short lived, a few days to a month or so. I don't think I've experienced this much?

Unless I take away the whole interest aspect, then hyperfixation is when I get deeply invested in doing something, especially after a long episode of executive dysfunction preventing me from having hobbies. Today I've been hyperfixating on sewing, bc I want to make a bat plush. It started out with me attempting to make a pattern, realizing I need to relearn how patterns work, then spiraling into that and listening to/watching sewing videos for a few hours. I'm making mashed sweet potato now tho cuz all that was interrupted for me to do chores, which I continued watching sewing videos, then it transitioned into a plaster mold sculpture video?

Special Interests:

I ain't a huge fan of the term, so I shorten it to "spin" in my tags.

I've heard that special interests, like hyperfixations, are intense all-encompassing interests, sometimes described as becoming a whole part of ur personality like I am pretty well known for bein bonkers about rats, they make me extremely happy and I love learning about them and interacting with them. I think rats are rooted in my childhood interest of animals as a whole, which started with zaboomafu followed by wild krattz and included many other kids cartoons, which also includes my interest in cartoons! I dislike watching much else besides kids cartoons. Following the topic of cartoons; when I was 9 I discovered MLP:FiM and it became a very strong hyperfixation as well as an 8 yr and counting special interest, where at the time I refused to let my family watch anything but my little pony until I'd reach the maximum amt of episodes released at the time, and then it was a few years before I became invested again and have occasionally rewatched it and at some point I must have caught up with everything I missed in the years following.

I don't think MLP branches out to anything, but returning to the root of cartoons, I was introduced to Steven Universe through my former best friends as an 11 year old, 2 twins who are always late to leave class when my sculpture class fills in. They introduced me to SU: A very queer psychology filled fun little cartoon that starts with wacky adventures and ends in therapy. They had also introduced me to Warriors by Erin Hunter (of course) which reminds me that since I'd learned to read at 7 years old, I'd been both hyperlexic and very invested. In 4th grade I became invested in the unwanteds series, which I only had just finished the 7th book of the first series in HS bc the middle school had not renewed it and I had only read the 1st book in 4th grade. Which also reminds me of my former fixation on that filthy TERF media: HP. I will not elaborate.

Minecraft has made me very happy for many years; I think it started when I was 8 or older and my dad had bought us RC tablets on which he'd paid for MC PE. We were only allowed a 1-2 hrs time limit on them, but me and my 2 sisters would play multi-player creative mode.

When I was 11 or so, mom had a laptop that our former step sibling had downloaded many games on, which I consider my first genuine introduction to gaming. Back to minecraft: they had downloaded minecraft of course. I would sneak moms laptop and phone in the middle of the night, turn on her Hotspot, and play online all night. Then put them away and proceed to stare her down until she woke up from feeling her eyes on her, bc I was a creepy kid.

Speaking of creepy, I also loved scary stuff. I snuck out to watch stuff like the leprechaun in the middle of the night behind my dad's couch, I vividly remember the scene of that thing chewing off a man's ring finger. I remember watching chucky as well, but with my dad's permission, and likely many others that I don't remember. One of my favorite books/series were the "Scary Stories to tell in the Dark" I LOVED the movie too. Fantastic. Goosebumps is ok, my sisters loved it for a bit, but eh it's pretty cheesy. Courage the Cowardly Dog will always be a favorite of mine, the Scooby-Doo series' are pretty rad,

Anyway Both together;

I feel like they've been combined in many cases, I seem to keep interests for many years but they cycle back around. Maybe that's hyperfixations, idk. Like minecraft, I get heavily into it, then get burnt out and move onto something else before coming back to it after whatever amount of time I need.

Rats tho, rats are love. Rats are life. Rats are baby.

anyway infodumping is clearly a need bc that's all I've done all day [exaggerated]

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Get to Know the Writer Tag Thing

idk if that’s the actual name lol, i just copied and pasted the questions and came up with my own title ^_^;

was tagged by @queen-of-ice101, thanks babe. these are always fun to do

1. Pen or Pencil

i don’t think i’ve written fanfic on paper in forever wow, but when i did (or occasionally will do), i always used pen. i hate making mistakes and having to clumsily cross it out, but pens are smoother and don’t make noise. honestly writing with a good pen on a thick pad of paper is a stim for me

2. Have you ever drawn your OC’s?

twice. and of only one of my ocs. both for inktober 2018. other than that, not really. i’d like to get into drawing more, but i’m just really more of a writer at this point in my life. also drawing ppl??? is so hard???

3. Does your writing ever make you cry?

not that i can remember. chapter 49 in i need another story almost made me cry, but mostly when i’m thinking abt painful scenes, my heart aches. even then, once i’ve envisioned it a lot, the ache eventually disappears. unless i forget abt it, then come back to it, or if it’s just a really painful scene, then the ache never really goes away when i’m thinking abt the scene

but no, bc i guess they’re my ideas. i’m expecting them, i’m writing them, and eventually become desensitized to them

4: If your Muse was a person, what would they look like?

okay so i’m confused by the wording of the question. bc at first i thought muses could be anything. then it occurred to me that they might only be ppl??? or at least take human-like shape bc they’re, i’m assuming, based on the nine muses of greek mythology, who take human shape/form.

maybe i’m reading too much into the question. anyway, my muse has never been a person/taken human shape if i’m honest. it’s been more of an amorphous blob that i haven’t really felt the need to give shape/form to. so to tell you what it would look like as a person...don’t know if i can do that lol

my muse is way more abstract, and i’ve never felt the need to make it concrete in any way

5: Which of your pieces would you choose to be remembered for?

like most writers, i’d like to be remembered for a published book of my own work. read riordan gave me an idea to base a book around chinese mythology, and which takes place in china. who knows, i may even write it in chinese first bc i’d like to become that fluent. the trick to this answer is that right now, this idea is also just an amorphous blob rn lol. i don’t have the time to do the research or flesh out the plot/characters (i don’t even really have those two things lmao). much too busy for that i’m afraid ;_; there is a one-act play i wrote for my creative writing class i’m particularly proud of currently

if i were to pick my fanfic i’d prob have to say itps--the oc pjo story. but only bc i’ve worked so long and so hard on it, and on my oc. if you asked me again in five years, i’d probably tell you smth different.

and i mean that’s the thing to this question. i’m still super young, and i have so much time to write more and continue to grow as a writer, so to choose smth to be remembered for so young almost seems unfair, tbh

6: How much have you written or worked on your WIP so far today?

LMAO ZIP, ZLICH, ZERO

my amorphous muse has gone dormant. i wouldn’t say fled if only bc i think i’ve unconsciously made it dormant so i can focus on finishing my master’s thesis

like would i love to write??? YES OF COURSE, I WOULD BE DOWN TO WRITE ANYTHING AT THIS POINT

but when i go to write, i find i physically cannot (bc smth psychologically is going on up there; could be stress, could be writer’s block, it’s probably those two and a multitude of other things). bc part of me knows that i can’t involve myself in such a big project (even small one-shots) bc i need to be completely focused on my thesis. the other part of me feels unable to control this ability to start writing. which is the worst part

schrödinger’s amorphous muse: when will my muse return from war? my muse has already returned from war.

woe is me

7: Have you ever based a piece (or a portion of a piece) on a dream?

don’t think i have. my dreams tend to be too weird to base a piece or portion of a piece on. if i was writing a fantasy story, it may fit in better. but currently, i write stuff that is based in more realistic-fiction worlds so

like i have very weird dreams. also many of them are stress dreams related to bathrooms (ugh) and school (ugh x2). as if i want to base smth that brings me joy on smth that stresses me out

8: Do you prefer silence, a little noise (music, ambient noise, fan etc) or a lot of noise when you’re writing?

it really depends on the mood i’m in

sometimes i’ll want to listen to talking, but it has to be smth i’ve watched a million times or don’t care abt at all if i am to concentrate on writing. they could be tv shows or video essays, etc. but that’s mostly if i’m not writing like fun/fictional stuff with plot and storyline, bc the talking then just interrupts my train of thought. unless i’ve seriously watched it so much/couldn’t care less abt what i’ve put on

mostly i’ll listen to music. i don’t have playlists, as much as i wish i did. my music library just isn’t that big. i’m such a picky person when it comes to music. and also i have so many other things i want to do than make playlists honestly. like i’m envious of ppl who make playlists, and i’m not saying that those who do make playlists have nothing else to do like at all. not my intention at all. however, at the same time, making them isn’t one of my top priorities

anyway, depending on my mood i’ll listen to the same song(s) on repeat again while i write. sometimes the song matches the mood of the scene i write, but it doesn’t always have to

sometimes i’ll start a song but get so into the scene that when the song ends, i don’t turn it back on anymore bc i don’t need it. sometimes some scenes require a lot of concentration that i can’t listen to anything. i actually need/prefer silence

i’ll only listen to ambient noise if i’m trying to drown out other noises, and only when i’m writing academic papers lol

9: Do you have any routines before you sit down to write?

nope lol. some scenes i’ll imagine for weeks before sitting down to write them bc thinking abt how the scene will play out helps me fall asleep, but also helps me figure out exactly how the scene will play out so when i do sit down to write, it flows so easily onto the page

unfortunately this doesn’t happen with everything i write--only the big, emotional scenes. and even then, i imagine these scenes as movies scenes, so when i go to write, there’s a lot more detail i have to think abt and add in ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

other than that, i don’t really have any routines i absolutely need to do before i sit down to write...i mean does opening all the folders i need, including the folders on my flashdrive so i can easily save and then transfer the saved document to my flashdrive count?

10: Have you ever participated in NaNoWrimo or a Camp?

i wish! but no. never had the time. like WHY NOVEMBER DO YOU KNOW HOW BUSY STUDENTS GET DURING NOVEMBER THAT’S LIKE THE ABSOLUTE WORST TIME TO HOLD IT FOR WRITERS WHO ARE STUDENTS

and like i get that the whole point of it is to get ppl who say things like “never had the time” to write. but that’s the thing, it’s not like inktober, where it encourages a very armature artist (i.e., me) to draw at least one thing everyday. i already love to write and i already write when i can if i don’t have writer’s block and my amorphous muse wants to cooperate

so when i say “i don’t have time” it’s bc it’s in the middle of the fucking semester and i’m swamped with midterms and papers and my ga-ship which requires me to help everyone else who are also scrambling on midterm papers like jeezums i’m not bitter or anything

i know that camp tho has other sessions that aren’t in novemeber, so we’ll see if i decide to participate in those. i can really only focus on one story at a time, esp if it’s a big story i’m really invested in. so participating while i’m researching and writing fanfic would be difficult for me. also the pressure to do the research i want to do in such a short amt of time would probably not be conducive for me, just personally. esp on top of another story where i’m researching and writing (even if i do put it aside to focus on camp) but since i’ve never participated, i wouldn’t know if any of that is necessarily true

thanks again for tagging me! i’ll tag two ppl i know who are writers lol; and as always with these things, feel free to fill this out or not: @talking0fmichelangel0 @lucifers-favorite-child

if you follow me or we’re mutuals and i have failed to realize you’re a writer, feel free to fill these out but tag me so i can read your answers