#not for birnok and co

[ireallyamabear]

i'm brainstorming how an alternative prison break would go for a 'what if' story and there really isn't a good way to do it without a new man coming down the elevator, is there

[elwenyere]

Director’s Cut ask, anything on Carrying Weight, because I like that one a lot <3

Ahhh, friend, thank you so much for this ask!!! I have gone through so many roller coasters of emotion about "Carrying Weight," and it means so much to hear you like it.

Asks are from this director's cut meme.

This fic started, as my fics often do, with a very melodramatic scene popping into my head (in this case, Melshi and Cassian being trapped in a collapsed building), after which I had to figure out why it was happening and what would make it land, emotionally.

One of the questions that emerged for me as I brainstormed, and which ended up being at the core of the story, is how Cassian might react when his skill at getting people to do things becomes not just something he exercises at his own discretion and toward his own ends but a part of a military command structure. In other words, I started thinking about whether Cassian might struggle with ordering people to their deaths in a different way than he struggles with killing people under orders.

I still feel pretty experimental about the way I explore that question in this story (maybe in part because I anticipate we will get some form of an answer in season two, and that may or may not match what I tried here), but there are some things that came out of this fic that I was happy to discover:

The confrontation between Cassian and Melshi right before the collapse, where Melshi hasn't yet figured out what Cassian's hiding behind his anger - or why it's the moment that Melshi refers to Cassian's rank that really sets Cassian off.

The moment when Melshi's panic at not being able to breathe leads him to flash back to swimming away from Narkina: "the sight of Cassian reaching for shore had been bringing him up for air" was maybe my favorite line to come out of this fic.

Melshi's vest: I am just a sucker for investing extra meaning in this one (1) costuming choice, and I got really taken by the idea that one of the things Melshi loves about the vest is how much it's aged - that, unlike the pre-laundered and constantly recycled Narkina outfits, the worn vest is material proof that Melshi is leaving a mark on the outside world.

The "they're leaving"/"they're coming" reversal. I have to admit this was a substantial motivation in writing this fic. Months later, I am still prostrate, ever at the mercy of that GD cliff scene.

Cinta showing up! I did not expect her to appear when I started writing, but I'm very happy she did. I enjoyed thinking about what kind of understandings she and Melshi might share - and about the different ways they might go about being witnesses or mirrors or warning signs for Vel and for Cassian.

The final conversation between Cassian and Melshi, where Melshi correctly intuits that Cassian's reason for balking is not actually that he's not sure if he can do the job the Alliance wants him to do but precisely that he knows he can do the job. Bonus fact: one little moment during this scene I really like is Cassian's reference to Birnok. I think a lot about Birnok's role as co-conspirator and the particular way he might sit in Cassian and Melshi's memories.

Thank you so much for the ask, friend!!! I'm really happy you enjoy this story. <3<3<3