#not really n/egativity just long vent and Thots tbh

[mellowdisco]

sorry about not being on here and only coming on to rb edits and fcs dksfhj i’ve been taking some time away to try and figure out what i should do w this blog because while i do love all of the threads and dynamics i currently have (and i do mean this with my whole ass chest and heart), i’ve been feeling bad about some stuff... 

like there are drafts i haven’t touched in 1-2 months that i’m not even sure if i should still tackle. most of my partners are fast-paced and i worry they feel like i’m not the partner for them and just don’t want to say it 😭 ik some ppl have expiry dates and have probably already considered them dropped so i’m at an awkward point where i don’t know what to do. i also have a lot of insecurities when it comes to my writing and stance with people that adds to it

most of this is just a Me problem too honestly... i find it hard to communicate and feel insecure about our threads if we aren’t close or if we don’t interact much ooc, if someone stops replying to me ooc i start to worry i’ve done something wrong so it puts me off from replying to threads which i’m 100% aware is honestly SO dumb and unfair. i never blame anyone but myself for this and it’s something i should and have been trying to work on.

because i’ve always been aware of these insecurities, my initial idea for this blog was to keep it private and friends only, but at the same time i want to meet more people and don’t want to close off potential new partners 😔 so i was never really strict w that rule. 

i want people i can rave about our muses / ships with when we’re feeling musey while still being able to talk about other stuff. bc that’s really only why i’m here. no weird vibes just pure pals who talk and write sometimes<3 i feel like everyone but me has Those Partners while i’m just floating here like pennywise’s red balloon...

maybe this blog needs a big clean up overall, idk. i’m thinking of moving (again... i know) and taking w me the people who are genuinely still interested in writing whether it be w our existing stuff or new ones. or... just disappear quietly and start completely fresh on a new blog w new muses (those i have long term stuff with, we could either continue on d.iscord or on a private sideblog)

if you do end up reading all of that mess, i’m sorry dsfksjfgf i’d love some opinions on what you think i should do... or maybe a show of hands who here would genuinely still like to write together? that might help me w my decision-making but if not, pls just scroll past this post and move on with your day<3 i know this is really awkward so i’ll just assume you didn’t see this post, no hard feelings!