#not saying these are super high quality but having a lot of practice can't hurt right?

[hockeynoses]

Hot Tub Snzs (R/oy x Ja/mie)

Summary: Jamie suggests Roy get into the hot tub to clear his sinuses. Roy's hands are wet and Jamie ends up holding the tissues for him.

Notes: <900 words. Some mess. Not really any other warnings. Pure fluff. This came to me in a half-dream yesterday morning when I was trying to fall back asleep, and I had to write it. I'm not usually a Roy girlie, so I surprised myself.

-

Roy and Jamie drive up to their vacation home for a long weekend. They bought it a while back when they realized this thing between them was real, and they were both in it for the long haul. The property has a couple acres of land, and it’s surrounded by trees; one of the few places where they don’t have to worry about being hounded by paparazzi.

The house has an upscale cottage vibe, with a large hot tub on the back deck. It’s a crisp autumn afternoon, and the forest around them is lit up with vibrant yellows, oranges, and reds.

Roy’s on the tail-end of a cold that's been annoying him for the past week and a half. At this point, he’s feeling better, but his body is still trying to eject all of the gunk that has built up in his head. He’s so fucking congested and wishes he could speed up the process.

Jamie, who has grown tired of his constant complaining, suggests he go in the hot tub because, “Maybe the steam will help.”

Roy almost puts up a fight just for the hell of it, but they’re on vacation, and Jamie has his best interests at heart. Roy does love a good soak.

“Go on,” Jamie says. “I’ll join you in a bit.”

Roy grumbles, but does as he’s told. The heat feels amazing on his muscles, and the view can’t be beat. He relaxes into the water, steam coiling up into the air, bringing with it the burning smell of chlorine. The effect is two-fold: the steam loosens his congestion as the stinging itch of the chlorine sets off pinpricks of sensation in his inflamed sinuses. “Hah…HA’AAIISSHHH! Hih’EEHHHSSHH’IUE!” He doesn’t bother to cover them, openly sneezing down onto the surface of the water.

Catching his breath only works the steam deeper into his airways, and he gears up for another clearing, “huh’GGKSSHH’AH!” He tries to snort up the mess that has run out onto his cupid’s bow, and has no choice but to swipe at it with his wet hand before returning it to the water. The powerful sneezes have worked to clear some of his congestion, but he needs to blow his nose to really finish the job.

“Christ, I can hear your Grandad sneezes from inside the house,” Jamie says as he opens the back door. He’s in his speedo with a box of tissues under his arm.

Roy gives a pointed, productive sniff. “Should be used to it by now.”

“Just sayin’. You’re gonna scare the wildlife, goin’ on like that.”

Roy just grunts in response, lifting his wet hand to rub at the tip of his itchy nose.

Jamie steps into the hot tub, making sure to keep his hands dry. He sets the tissue box on the ledge next to them.

Roy’s eyes flutter shut and he turns to the side, half-heartedly holding up a hand to his face that does absolutely nothing to cover the wrenching sneeze that bursts from him. “haa…HA’AAEISHH’OO! Ugh.” When he turns back to Jamie, there are twin streams of clear mess coating his upper lip.

“Disgustin’!” Jamie teases. Roy knows he’s only joking. Having grown up as professional footballers, they’ve both seen men do far more disgusting things on the regular to be offended by a little snot.

“Give me a fuckin’ tissue then!” Roy gripes.

“Nah, your hands are all wet, mate. Come here, I’ll do it.”

Roy looks at him hesitantly as Jamie readies a couple tissues.

“Really?”

“Yeah, come on then.” Jamies gestures him forward. Roy rolls his eyes and leans closer.

His nose, chilly from the crisp fall air, is enveloped in the soft heat of Jamie’s cotton-covered hand. He starts blowing, only slightly embarrassed to hear the heavy crackle of it as it fills the tissue. It must be soaking through to Jamie’s skin, but the other man says nothing about it.

“Better?” Jamie asks. Roy pulls back and gives a tentative sniff, relieved that he’s finally able to get some air through.

“Yeah, actually.”

“Good!” Jamie graces him with a beaming smile. Roy resolves to do something special for him after he’s put up with his grouchy ass this whole week.

Even after all that, the pesky itch deep in his nose refuses to leave him. Roy blinks and scrunches his nose up, rubbing it in circles against the back of his wet hand. Jamie watches him and grabs some fresh tissues.

“You done?” Jamie asks, amusement twinkling in his eye.

“N-no…” Roy’s nostrils flare as he sucks in a quick breath, his head rearing back. His eyes close and he snaps forward “iihh…HNG’KSSHHHuh!” – into a waiting bundle of soft kleenex.

Blinking his eyes open, he meets Jamie’s surprised gaze. Jamie nods at him and Roy buries his face deeper into his hand, releasing a long, thick blow until the soggy tissues can’t hold any more.

He pulls back with a groan as Jamie gets after any residual mess still clinging to him.

“Thanks,” Roy says, relaxing back against the tub. “I think that was all of them.”

“Got you covered, Coach,” Jamie says with a wink. He brushes a kiss against Roy’s cheek before settling in next to him, happy to while away the rest of the evening by his side.

[jellyfishinc]

Day 4

S1E3 Gold Meddlers

Ah yes. A nice little sketch firing shots at the Olympics, starring the Warners.

Starts off innocent enough, where the Warners are camping and are about to break out the s'mores.

Only problem? Wakko forgot the chocolate! Oh the tragedy! (I'm not entirely convinced Wakko didn't just eat it all and forgot.)

And then, they meet Nils Niedhart, who's described as a "lazily rendered stereotype", there to compete in the Olympics for gold medals.

Apparently the Warners have been camping on the Olympics torch, and Nils won't have them ruining his glory of bringing home the gold.

Upon seeing the medals themselves, they assume the medals are actually high quality chocolate wrapped in gold foil, and decide they're going to enter the Olympics themselves to win them.

As a side note, I think the Olympics would be waaaaaaaay better if the medals were chocolate instead of metal, but that's just me.

Nils wraps them up in their rent and throws them across the world.

Yakko can't help but toss in a pun about it being very "in-tents", and we see THIS.

It's confirmed, folks! Mime is back!

So, after their quick trip around the world in 8 seconds, they declare they will be competing against Nils for the gold medals.

First up: the high dive, and my main man Yakko is the one taking the plunge.

After Nils takes his turn, Wakko and Dot say THIS.

Someone said that this episode was also poking fun at character continuity, to further distance itself from the original show, but I just can't fully buy that.

I sincerely can't recall any sketches where it shows he's bad at math, but it HAS been proven more than once that Yakko's actually pretty damn good at math, to where he even impressed an entire hall of mathematicians enough to where they gave him a standing O.

(Source: Super Strong Warner siblings, and to save you time, just type that into the search bar on my dash, and you'll see what I'm talking about.)

If the bad at math thing turns out to be true, I offer you this: It's only certain types of math he's bad at, much like any other person on the planet can relate to. Take me as an example. My mathematic expertise is in algebra, but put me in geometry or business math, and I'm lost.

Anyway, back to the sketch.

As Yakko prepares to take his own turn at the high dive, we hear Dot confirming what we knew all along.

Yakko obviously wins, and it's Dot's turn, this time in equestrian.

And we get THIS typical sibling banter, with Wakko firing shots at Yakko's World.

And the fact that the songs playing in the background while he does so doesn't hurt either.

Another side note: based off my personal experience, the reason Yakko's is more popular is because we only needed to know the state capitals back in elementary school, whereas in high school we were constantly having to memorize different countries of the world depending on what region we were studying.

And if I'm being honest? Of the two, all I remember is the first verse of Wakko's America, all the way up to Nashville. Which is no one's fault, other than my own for having a crappy memory.

Anyway, they all watch as Dot gets ready to take her turn with a donkey, which turns into a pegasus right before the judge's eyes, and we see THIS.

With a horse like that, it's no wonder she wins, and then it's Wakko's turn.

The event? Ping Pong!

Which Wakko wins in a technicality that states he can in fact eat the ping pong balls and spit them back out.

That's when Nils gets really fired up, and declares he's done going easy on them.

Next up is volleyball, where all three of them are working together, and I just want to take a moment here to show you the brilliance of Yakko Warner's athletic ability.

I don't want to hear one word about toon physics, okay? Even with it, it still has to take a lot of practicing and precision to be able to not only jump that high, but to somersault as you're spiking the ball, and land perfectly on top of the net.

You can't change my mind.

After that comes the discus throw, with Dot taking the lead.

Regardless of how far it went, or toon physics, you can still appreciate how she's strong enough to throw something as heavy as a discus like it's a Frisbee.

And it looks like Yakko and Wakko agree, because we see them do THIS.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Waking up and finding you on your period | FKBU Headcanons 』

Characters: female!reader, Kambe Daisuke, Kato Haru

Tags/warnings: Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited (anime), 15+, mild sexual references, fluff, so much fluff, teensy bit of a daddy kink implied for Daisuke, bit of breeding link implied for Haru *COUGH*

⚠️ 15+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Guess who came on her period and was in dire need of some comfort from her best boys? That's right. Me. So I freaking wrote it. Here you go.

Despite the tags, it's like, 95% fluff, and even the sex is fluffy, and it's not even described. This is just pure wholesomeness. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! Imo~

Kambe Daisuke

At first, when Daisuke sees the blood in the bed, he thinks you might be injured and worriedly wakes you up, asking if you're hurt with his hair down because he's been sleeping

As you wake, you feel the crushing pangs in your abdomen and shake your head

"That's not is," you say, embarrassed about the amount of blood staining the sheets

"I see," he says, deducing that you must have got your period in the night

He sounds as calm as ever, but he's actually genuinely relieved you haven't injured yourself

But he can see that you're in pain and he hates it serious daddy vibes

He carefully picks you up and carries you to the ensuite bathroom princess style, baby

"I'm sorry," you whimper into his chest

"There is nothing to be sorry for," he says firmly

His voice rumbles in your ears that deep, sultry voice, omg

When you reluctantly ask him if he's grossed out, he gives you a blank look

"Why should I be?" he asks. "It's perfectly natural."

"Yeah, but…"

He senses that you've experienced unpleasant situations with boyfriends in the past and can't help but feel fiercely protective and angered that they hurt you like that

"Any man who is 'grossed out' – as you put it – by something like this," he continues, entirely seriously, "does not deserve to be called a man."

He sits with you and helps you clean yourself as he draws the bath for you, having got his servants to fetch pain killers, sanitary products, and clear up the mess in the bedroom

You keep apologising for ruining the incredibly expensive, luxury bedding like so expensive, you want to die

But Daisuke keeps telling you not to worry about it, insisting that it can easily be replaced

He's literally already got HEUSC to order some new stuff

After you're clean, he helps you into the bath and gets in with you, sitting you between his legs, his arms around your body, and pulls you back against his chest

He insists you use all your favourite scents and products, planting little kisses on your neck and shoulders as he caresses the bubbles over your skin

He helps you get dressed into some of his comfy, oversized clothes and sits you down on the sofa he bought some after he wore Haru's, lmao

Come to the comfy side, we have hot guys

You grab hold of the back of his shirt when he turns to leave

When you ask him to stay with you, he immediately has tells HEUSC to clear his schedule for the day, calling in sick for work so he can do just that he must look after his princess

He can never say no to you

Hoodies and sweatpants all round

He has his chef make all your favourite foods and orders in whatever chocolates and treats you want

He even purchases a giant, expensive teddy with same-day delivery when you showed even the slightest interest in it we're talking a 2 metre plus bear, here

You spend the day curled up next to him in a cosy room, watching whatever movies, TV shows, K dramas, etc. you want

He probably has a cinema room in his house, okay? Don't @ me

Lots of cuddles and spooning hnng

He ignores any sexual urges he gets if he knows you're not in the mood

When you say you want a massage, he immediately goes to get HEUSC to call his private masseuse

When you ask him to do it instead, he's caught off guard and doesn't really have any idea what to do

He's hesitant and nervous, worried he might hurt you

But he eventually gets the idea, and feels proud of himself when you say it's helped relieve your cramps a little

Lots of hair stroking and back rubs

While you're asleep on his lap, he researches into dealing with period pain

He hates that his money can't buy you out of your pain entirely, but he's going to do the absolute best he can this sweet man, I can't

He makes sure he orders all sorts of high quality products, like super expensive heat pads, magnets, the best quality pads and tampons etc. so he's properly prepared next time best boy

While looking this stuff up, he reads that orgasms and sometimes even penetrative sex can help relieve cramps and pain, and immediately starts looking up how to go about it

When you wake up, he gets you some water and goes to ask you about what he read, but ends up a little too shy to, and vows to himself to bring it up next time

Which he does and it's adorable and hot at the same time??

And he really goes all out, focusing on you completely

You're glowing afterwards as you come down from your high, and he rests his forehead on yours

I'm dying, this is so cute. Why can't this be real?!?

Kato Haru

You wake up first, feeling your stomach sink at the all too familiar sensation of blood between your legs

You nervously turn to Haru and wake him up, but can't manage to get the words out

Haru knows exactly what's happened as soon as he sees it

He gives you a hug and a kiss and tells you it's okay, and to get out of the bed

He fetches you pain killers and hurries out to the convenience store to buy any other products you need

A range of different pads, tampons, a hot water bottle, more over-the-counter pain killers and medication, chocolate it's necessary, okay? Haru knows what's up

It's dishearteningly early in the morning and still dark out brave boy, best boy

He returns with the items as quickly as possible, smelling of a fresh, crisp morning, still panting a little from hurrying to get back to you I freaking can't, it's too cute

He starts cleaning the sheets as best he can, soaking them in the tub while you clean yourself up in the bathroom

He also prepares a quick meal or two for you in advance because he knows you'll feel too awful to do anything yourself today he's so knowledgeable and practical

#boyfriend material

Lots of small smiles, hugs, and forehead kisses to remind you that he's not mad, because he knows you're worrying about it

When you're all clean and the bedding is changed, he puts you back to bed with a hot water bottle and a blanket, kissing your forehead

He has to get ready for work

You want him to stay, but you know how strong his sense of duty is, and don't want to put him in the position where he has to choose

He kisses you softly before he leaves, saying he'll call you later on his break

You spend the whole day missing him while enjoying the food he lovingly prepared

You wait with your phone by you, watching the clock

When he calls and you hear his voice come though on the other end of the line, you sink under a wave of relief and finally start to relax

He asks you how you are, if you've been eating, tells you to eat that particular food you always leave, because it's good for you, damn it, and reminds you where things are in case you might need them, etc.

He says he loves you soft boi

You can hear Kamei in the background, poking fun at Haru – who pointedly reminds him who has a girlfriend and who doesn't rip Kamei

Daisuke's voice briefly drifts down the line, and Haru says he has to go

He says he loves you again, and you say it back

When he hangs up, it's suddenly very empty in the apartment

You hug a pillow all afternoon in place of him

It's late when he gets back, laden with groceries, the ingredients for your favourite meal, and a bouquet of small, pretty-looking flowers from the supermarket

You're immediately feeling better now that he's home, getting some colour back in your cheeks

You watch him cook up a storm in the kitchen he's so hot when he cooks, I can't

You always love his food, but it tastes so much better now that he's with you

After eating, you curl up together and watch TV

Lots of goofy grins and raspberries on your neck and tummy – anything to make you laugh and smile again

When you finally laugh, he leans in and says, "There it is."

Spooning yes, both of them

I like spooning, shut up

He can't help but get hard, and he apologises bashfully when you notice

You tell him it's okay wink wonk

He grins

"You know, I think I have a remedy for this affliction of yours," he says, nuzzling your neck with his nose

"Oh yeah? What's that?" you ask sceptically, sensing something mischievous is afoot

"I could always put a baby in you, free of charge," he says, only half joking as he nibbles on your earlobe getting steamyyy

"Babe, we're broke," you say, breaking out into a giggle

But you get down to it anyway because he freaking loves you and knows that you needs to be reminded of it right now

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[revchainsaw]

Judge Dredd (1995)

I must confess that I have never read a single Judge Dredd comic book. I did own one issue of Batman vs Judge Dredd when I was a little kid, but I mostly just flipped through the panels and enjoyed the edgy art work. I can't speak to how faithful and adaptation that Judge Dredd is, but I think that may just be the best way to review a film. I may not have said this before on this blog, but I do not believe that being a faithful adaptation is the same thing as being a good movie, nor vice versa. I love the later adaptation, but this is a fascist super cop of a completely different breed. Let us see if Sylvester Stallone's crack at a 90s Super Hero flick will make a suitable sacrifice at the altar of the cult film God's.

The Message

1995's Judge Dredd is a Science Fiction Comic Book Adaptation starring Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider and it took me 3 attempt to finally get past the first few scenes before I could actually not feel like I was wasting my life watching it. The first thing a viewer will notice about this film is exactly how expensive everything looks. Oh God, how glorious and how massive these set pieces, costumes, and effects must have been, and I can't lie. I LOVED it. Unfortunately all that good will is lost when the plot tries to kick in. For all the force and action a title like Judge Dredd promises, it's story kicks in with a whimper and dialogue and lore that feels as if it was written by an angry 14 year old in his free time after he got detention for using a racial slur.

The film revolves around Judge Dredd, a super cop with a black and white perspective on the law so unrelenting that he has become a legend. He is seen in the early parts of the film teaching at a Judge Academy, single handedly ending anarchic riots, enforcing traffic citations. It makes you wonder exactly what the Judges council think they are doing, like they can't seem to figure out what to do with this guy.

It is revealed that Judge Dredd was a mutant experiment created by the fascist world leaders but the program only produced violent psychopaths (of which Dredd is one). The other Janus project reject is Rico, who builds awesome puppet robots who look like they belong in Return to Oz, and makes oopy goopy Judge Dredd brother babies. He also frames Judge Dredd for murder.

Once framed Judge Dredd's years of service buy him good graces with the totalitarian regime he works for and he is simply banished to the wastelands where he runs into Rob Schneider, and the movie just gets worse from there. The only saving grace here is more very expensive set pieces and crazy cyborg practical effect cannibal rednecks. It's so sad that this movie isn't more awesome. Judge Dredd does kick some ass though and his Daddy Boss shows up just to be immediately murdered.

Rob Schneider and Judge Dredd break back into Mega City One to defeat Rico, recruit Dredds coworker Hershey, and save the fascist dystopia they all live in from any significant social change. Hooray!!!!

The Benediction

Best Feature: Looks like 90 Million Bucks

The Movie is great to look at. The only gripe I have with anything in the costumes, effects, or set pieces is that the judges helmets in particular look like cheap plastic, but in the era of the Tim Burton Batman movies, this is actually not a huge kicker. It's honestly amazing that the movie was given this much to work with, a 90 Million dollar budget in 95 for a Superhero flick. If only it were enough to save the film. It honestly hurts it a little. We are supposed to believe that the world is lawless and dismal but the technology is so sleek and beautiful and the sets are emaculate when they aren't occasionally shooting out sparks. Honestly, it seems like a utopia with occasional riots. Nothing seems lived in but everything seems new.

Best Effect: ABC, That's How Easy Love Can Be

Ricos Robot, the ABC Warrior, was just eye candy, and it wasn't without competition. I also really loved the Goopy Janus Judges and the Egg Timer Cannibal Cyborg. If this movie leaned more into it's insanity it would probably have a better reputation. It's a shame that most people will skip this film on reputation alone. The plot is mind numbing, inconsistent, and dumb, but the effects like the ABC Warrior I could watch by themselves for hours. It's a cartoon, but damn if it's not a great looking cartoon.

Best Character: Officer Her-She (cuz she's a girl duh!)

In a movie that doesn't realize it's trying to get us to sympathize for a bunch of fascist totalitarians, or is trying hard to get us to ignore that fact, a villain like Rico is actually hard to hate. He has a line that says "you gave up your life to embrace the law, I gave up the law to embrace life". It really seems like I'm Team Rico here. But he didn't want freedom, he just wanted to be a different kind of monster. For that reason, I think Hershey is really the stand out character here. She's the only competent Judge, she makes reasonable decisions, and even though she seems to be Stallone's love interest, this movie does very little to diminish her to that role, or to exploit the actress. For a movie like this that is saying a lot. The only time this film doesn't suck is when Hershey is on screen or a cool practical effect is happening.

Best Kill: Tis But A Flesh Wound

I wish someone would have killed Rob Schneider, but unfortunately that didn't happen. There is a pretty cool kill where the ABC Warrior picks apart a corrupt Judge like a troubled kid does to a random bug. I guess since that had some blood and stuff we'll call it even.

Best Set Piece: Jailhouse Rocks

There are many vast and impressive sets throughout this film, but the one that really stuck out to me was Rico's cell. The wall mounted turrets getting featured instead of just being static objects stuck to the wall was one of those extra little steps that makes all the difference.

Worst Character: Rob Schneider is a Stapler? a Carrot? Annoying.

I didn't even learn Rob Schneider's characters name. But he's obnoxious. I learned that while filming Demolition Man, Stallone met Schneider and insisted he be in this film. It wouldn't have been all that bad had he done his piece and been left behind, but he clings to Dredd for most of the film. It's especially unbearable because several more likeable characters come back onto the scene to help Dredd but they are either killed or written away so that we can get more of Rob.

Worst Feature: It's a Dumb Movie for Kids

Judge Dredd is a case study in why we don't get cool effects heavy films anymore. Looking at Judge Dredd makes the Marvel Films look like cheap dookie. What I wouldn't give for some of these kinds of effects in an Iron Man or a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Hopefully we will get some kind of compromise. But the writers, producers, and studio were not willing to take the property seriously enough to do their high budget justice. The plot of Judge Dredd is so stupid and the themes are so mismanaged that of course this movie is remembered as a piece of shit. It's reasons like this that no one will take chances on a big budget practical effects film anymore.

Summary

Judge Dredd is confused. There are ways that writers can make an audience root for a hero like Dredd even though he is absolutely representative of oppression, the way to do that is not to preach about how great the law is and how bad the poor people who are suffering under the boots of the judges are. You can't make the bad guys motive that he values freedom and individuality. Judge Dredd looks great, has backwards ass messaging, a very stupid script, and keeps insisting things via exposition rather than showing us in it's world building. It is a frustratingly difficult movie to buy into, but it's good qualities buy it enough good will to keep it out of the dumpster fire.

Overall Grade: D