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cake-writes · 5 years

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Breathe (Lecture 1)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mixed Delivery (Social Media & Written Parts), Eventual 18+

Summary: Bucky takes a history class at his local university in hopes of catching up on the last few decades, on everything he’s missed whilst under Hydra’s control – but he winds up learning a lot more than what’s on the syllabus. He learns how to heal.

Written for @the-omni-princess’s 1k writing challenge!

(Formerly Hope & Happiness; I decided that I needed a better title!)

TAG LIST: OPEN

💛 This fic is interactive. Here’s how it works! 💛

So I took the time to find an actual university course to complement this story because I’m just that invested, you guys. (I’m also a huge history nerd, lmao.) The syllabus and lectures are real, and any content relating to these in my story is straight from the source.

Lectures are recorded and available for a listen! Most written chapters will correspond to a lecture; I’ll list which one at the top of the chapter if you want to learn along with Bucky. Each one is about 40-50 minutes long and in English. Click here to access them!

This is definitely optional, though, so please don’t feel pressured to listen, but if you’re a history nerd like me then you may want to take a look!

Wednesday, August 24

Lecture 1: Introductory Lecture

Although Bucky had been on campus a couple of times before now – first to apply, and then to meet with an advisor as all new students were required to do – he didn’t think he’d ever get used to the sheer size of it. Universities these days were massive: cities within a city, buildings upon restaurants upon shops and all he wanted to do was learn.

That was all he’d ever wanted to do, really. Learn about himself. Learn what made the world tick. Learn all the things he didn’t know. He’d always excelled in school, and once upon a time he’d started to save money in order to attend university. Didn’t know what he’d study – just knew that he wanted a degree in order to support the family he thought he’d have one day.

Ambitions for the future.

Then came the draft. Because hadn’t yet been able to save enough, he’d been shipped out to the European Theater – sent to hell, not to college.

Ambitions for the past.

Two years spent in cold, wintery foxholes gave him an opportunity to think, but all he could think about was the stench of death surrounding him, surrounding his unit, surrounding every waking moment of his life at war. Not his death, of course, but it may as well have been.

Bucky learned to hone in on the sound of his heartbeat in his ears, the rush of adrenaline in his veins, the sensation of his boots in mud and snow. He learned to focus. He learned to survive.

And all the while, he lived with the very real possibility that he wouldn’t make it through – and, well, he didn’t. Not really. Some parts of him never made it back; what little remained became the property of Hydra. Mind corrupted, soul shattered, will broken into sharp, jagged shards of glass.

Fragile. Breakable. Erased, but still alive.

Bucky may have survived, but he’d never really been right since – never really been whole. Physically and mentally, with too many pieces of himself missing or damaged, one constant stayed the same: a desire to learn. He’d gotten through the war and Hydra’s harsh training because that quality was a part of him – one of the only parts that made it through.

Battle-worn and weary from surviving – not living, not really – Bucky finally had the opportunity to take a step back from the battlefield to just… exist. To live. To breathe. In taking a leave of absence, he embarked upon another journey: to rediscover the man he used to be.

It would be difficult task, he knew. The twenty-first century was far cry from the 1940s, a far cry from home, and the sheer size of the college campus only served to remind him of that. In fact, he was only able to recognize that he was still in New York because this school happened to be the very same one he’d once planned to attend so long ago. Staten Island University. Right across the bridge from his present-day apartment in Brooklyn, not to mention his old family home.

Home.

But this unfamiliar new century was his home, now, so he sought to learn what he’d missed over all the decades he’d lost to Hydra. In the process, maybe he’d learn about himself, learn what made the world tick, learn all the things he didn’t know.

What better place could there be to do that than at a university?

Bucky soon found out that his education would be paid for by the United States government for his service in the military. Ironic that the very barrier which forced him into war was the same thing being gifted to him now. The GI Bill. A reward for his patriotism. A thank you for his sacrifice.

Flowery words for a bribe meant to keep him silent. Call him jaded.

Worse still, if Bucky thought tuition was expensive back then, he didn’t know what to call it today. He’d been rendered speechless when he found out what a single class would cost, but rest assured, Uncle Sam would pay for it so that he didn’t have to.

Physically, it only cost him an arm but mentally, it cost him so much more.

U.S. Society and Politics Since 1945. Mondays and Wednesdays at two o’clock. Three credit hours, whatever that meant. He signed up for the class after his first meeting with an advisor – thought that it might do him good to put his past behind him and learn.

Bucky arrived about twenty minutes before the class was due to start, all nerves and first day jitters – absolutely ridiculous when he really thought about it, so he tried to put it out of his mind and selected a seat in the very back row in hopes of not being noticed.

Counting seats proved to be a good distraction. Three hundred seats. Would there really be that many students? Save for a handful of his new classmates scattered about, the too-large lecture hall seemed like it would never fill. Sure enough, however, it eventually started to – not all three hundred seats, but close enough.

It wasn’t until then that Bucky realized he might have been woefully unprepared. Just about everyone else had laptops sat out front of them, and while he could use one – clunkily – he still preferred something more a little more tangible. All he’d brought along was the required textbook, a notebook, and two pens, one of which he’d been rolling in between a gloved thumb and forefinger for the last few minutes.

That was a nervous tic of his, one he’d picked up in the army, except today it was a pen instead of a cigarette and he sure could have used a pack of Lucky Strikes right now. A cigarette would have done wonders to take the edge off, but he didn’t smoke, not anymore. Frustrated, he dropped the pen back down onto his desk and slumped down in his chair.

Had school always been this nerve-wracking? He couldn’t remember.

A snort drew his attention, and Bucky glanced to his left to find you sitting a few seats down in the same back row, watching him in amusement.

It caught him off-guard.

“Is this your first class?”

A innocent question, unprompted – untainted.

While Bucky knew that there would be some socializing required, especially in the discussion section of the class, never in his wildest dreams did he think that anyone would be willing to strike up a conversation with him. He had half a mind to say ‘no’ and ignore you as long as possible, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. He opened up.

“How could you tell?”

You shrugged. “You’re fidgeting, for one. But mostly because you don’t have a bag.”

Why would he need a bag? He was only taking one class.

At his doubtful look, you spoke again, voice light and airy, “Don’t worry. You’ll learn.”

Well, that was foreboding. Then again, you seemed like you would know. You looked slightly older than most of the other students who were likely fresh out of high school, and you appeared to be all sorts of prepared, what with a leather laptop bag on the chair to your right and some brightly-coloured notebooks, binders, and a few thick textbooks all strewn about the desk in front of you.

A laptop bag, but no laptop. Strange.

Bucky wasn’t really sure why he wanted to know, but he nodded to your books and asked anyway, “What else are you taking?”

“Mostly upper-level psychology classes. I’m in my final year. What about you?”

“This is my only class,” he admitted, and to him, that wasn’t a satisfactory answer. He was only taking the one class with no particular goal in mind, but here you were, taking at least four other classes judging by the number of textbooks on your desk.

You had a goal.

He didn’t.

You didn’t ask why, though; instead, you offered him your name, along with a bright smile.

“Bucky,” he found himself telling you way too easily.

“Well, Bucky, it’s nice to meet you.” You paused, then, before you made an offhanded comment of, “I think it’s really good to have a friend in class, you know? Mostly so you can steal their notes when you skip.”

A joke, perhaps, but Bucky took it literally. That may have been the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “I’m not gonna— Who pays thousands of dollars in tuition and then decides not to come?”

Your brows rose in surprise for a moment or two, but then you laughed at his stick-in-the-mud response. “Oh no, you’re one of those. What a goody two-shoes!”

Don’t worry, you’d said. You’ll learn.

But the mischievous sparkle in your eyes let him know that you were just teasing, and what’s more, he actually didn’t mind. No, he kind of liked it, having some normal human interaction for once – not whatever the hell he’d grown used to at the compound. Between blood-spattered banter in the field and too-dark humour used as a coping mechanism, his interactions there were anything but normal.

Bucky also liked that you had no idea how wrong your sentiment was; not that he’d never admit it. This was the first time in a long, long while that he’d been treated like a regular person – not enhanced, not a science experiment, not an Avenger – and he had no intention of shattering the illusion anytime soon.

“I’m not giving you my notes, either,” he deadpanned.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Super goody two-shoes. My mistake.”

When he opened his mouth to respond to your sassy one-liner, however, the professor’s voice sounded from the front of the lecture hall. You gave him a final wink before you turned to face the front, purple pen already poised and ready to go.

Good afternoon! Can you hear me in the nosebleeds? Yes? With me? Okay…

Forty-five minutes passed in a blink, and most of the students quickly started to pack up their belongings – but not you. No, you stayed in your seat and continued scribbling away at something in your notes, seemingly having zero plans to leave anytime soon. Bucky couldn’t help but be curious as to why you weren’t packing up, but it wasn’t any of his business and he didn’t ask.

Armed with a new syllabus and a daunting list of required readings for the week, he pulled himself to his feet and collected his own belongings; only managed to push the chair back in and take about two steps toward the door before he heard your voice again.

“Hey, Bucky, wait.”

He turned around to see you still reading through one of your textbooks, not even looking in his direction, but in your outstretched hand was a bright pink sticky note.

What?

“Come on,” still focused on your reading, you waved the post-it, pink paper flapping in the makeshift breeze but staying stuck to your finger anyway, “Take it. Here.”

Hesitantly, Bucky stepped closer and accepted the proffered note. Upon it, he found that you’d hastily scrawled your name and phone number, along with what he assumed was meant to be a smiley face. The drawing was god-awful, and a welcome distraction from the way his heart had immediately leapt into his throat because a woman had just given him her phone number.

Her phone number.

“Th— Thanks?” he stammered, unsure.

Now, he certainly wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, but this—

“Don’t get any weird ideas,” you interrupted his train of thought, finally pulling your eyes away from the textbook to look up at him.

Gorgeous, glimmering, big doe eyes focused right on him, now, and seeing you up close like this, a fleeting thought crossed his mind about how attractive you were. He blamed it on the fact that you’d just given him your number, and now his brain only wanted to overthink what he’d interpreted as the first sign of potential interest from the opposite sex in – well, far too long.

Bucky hadn’t been expecting that at all, and he wasn’t particularly interested to pursue such a thing, either. At least not right now. He still needed to get his head on straight; still needed to figure out his own problems before he took on someone else’s.

Even if you were a pretty little thing he might have taken dancing, once.

Then you added, “If you have any questions, just shoot me a text, okay? I remember how lost I was when I first started, especially because I’m a,” you did some air-quotes, then, “‘mature-aged’ student.” Another snort, one much less ladylike than before. “Mature-aged. I’m not that old!”

So it was a friendly offer. Nothing more. Not like the implications in the 40s – and Bucky thought, then, that if you were considered to be ‘mature-aged,’ he didn’t want to find out how he’d stack up.

“Thanks,” he said again, this time a little less unsurely. “I appreciate it.”

Another one of your bright smiles brought a sense of calm over him, a feeling that carried over even when you poked fun at him again, “Then I guess I’ll see you next week, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.”

“Yeah,” he responded, feeling the corners of his lips turn up just a little at your goodnatured teasing. “See you next week.”

And when he left the lecture hall, fluorescent pink post-it stuck to the inside of his notebook, Bucky’s footsteps felt just a little lighter than before – and so did his heart.

Part Two

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes #breathe

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mrsrcbinscn · 3 years

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That’s Probably Not Good

@professorofcrimeratigan

Date: April 10th, 2021

Ratigan meets the baby and accidentally gets capital “i” Involved

CW: blood, medical emergency, baby is 100% fine tho it’s Franny lmao dw no baby ouch allowed

FRANNY:

Pedram Ratigan could deny it all he wanted, but Franny was absolutely certain of three things. One, that they were best friends. Two, that he actually did like Behet Ghol Midam and pretended he didn’t. Three, that when he responded ‘why would I?’ to her ‘miss me yet?’ texts, he really meant ‘you nasty hoe why would you leave me here alone at this university with these clowns?’

It had been a month and a week since her daughter was born and just as long since Franny wasn’t in pain. But Dr. Brennan said she was fine and Franny was always inclined to trust doctors. Still, she thought after seeing him the second time would make him look further into...well, he said there was nothing to be concerned with, so she’d have to believe that.

She wanted to believe that.

Staying busy usually helped, but with a five week old baby that could prove challenging. She rarely left her daughter’s side mostly because she was breastfeeding and needed to be close by because this baby could eat, but it had just as much to do with being in pain more often than not in pain.

Now that Sovanna was a month old Franny felt comfortable inviting close friends over to meet the baby and hold her now that she was a month less delicate and breakable, and of course her “not” best pal Pedram was high up on the list!

“Are you ready to admit you miss me yet, Pedram?” Franny teased, sitting across from him in one of the first floor’s sitting areas with her glass of sweet tea in front of her and a pot of boring, British people, not sweet tea for him.

Sovanna rested in a baby wrap, content and quiet against her mother, only occasionally giving a little coo to let them know she was very much awake and there.

RATIGAN:

Ratigan had been waiting for Mrs. Robinson to contact him since her due date had come and gone. It had not been hard to find the evidence that her child had been born and that there had been little to no complications recorded by the hospital staff in her or the child’s records. (It was a small town hospital, their online security had never been hard to bypass.) He knew it would only be a matter of time before she would reach out to those within her secondary circle once she felt she was up to it.

The beginning of the semester had come and gone without her roaming the ground of the university and while he would not admit to missing her presence, he would say that it had been rather quiet around there without her— whether this was a good or bad thing would be left up to interpretation of whoever had asked the question.

He had made his way to the Robinson home upon her request and immediately he could tell that something was amiss. But, of course, after giving birth to a living being, it would do that to a person. She smelled different and the wolf (aside from its unbound excitement for seeing her and the baby) was concerned.

Ratigan ignored this. It was too temperamental. Nothing was wrong with her besides her body adapting to its new normal.

“I fail to see what you have to gain from my answer to the question. It isn’t as if you will be returning anytime soon.” He smiled at her from where he sat, teacup in hand. “How are her sleeping habits as of now? Bearable enough for you to sleep, I hope?”

FRANNY:

Franny would take that as a yes, for the record. See, you grumpy-ass man? They were totally best friends, just accept it!

“Mm, you’re right.” Franny said, patting Sovanna’s little head. “They tried to get me to stay on as an adjunct like Sarabi Lyons, and I considered it...until I found out by chance how much some of my more recently hired male colleagues in the music department were being paid. I’m not hurting for money, obviously-” she gestured to her house around her, which for full transparency, was purchased with her husband’s money before Franny Sor Robinsons was anyone or anything, because she knew Pedram was similarly beyond comfortably wealthy. “And in fact would have offered my pay to be cut if the department was hurting for funds. But it’s the fact my labor was consistently undervalued for nearly a decade.”

“Not to mention. Who is Andrew Gilliam? Benjamin Davis Braswell? Where are their Grammys, ASCAP and CMA awards, induction into the Songwriters Hall of Fame, and Netflix productions based on their lives? Were they gifted citizenship to their mother’s home country because of their accomplishments?”

This was a sentiment Franny was careful not to express out loud often, only with Pedram, Petunia, and Tallulah who would feed her petty bone. It wasn’t that she thought she was better than Professor Gillam or Dr. Braswell, but a woman with her accolades should have been at the same rate of pay as them, considering her impressive career. And! All by age forty-one! That was all before her most recent birthday!

The fact of the matter was that Franny Sor Robinson was an asset to Pride U and attracted students to the music department. There are a number of students who passed up scholarships to Juilliard, NYU, or Berklee to come study under her at Pride U. Professor Gillam was a fine man, and as much as Franny hated Dr. Braswell she had to admit that music was the man’s life and his blood, but they weren’t the ones students came to Pride U for.

That was her.

After nearly a decade of putting up with the bruised egos of white men, Franny was relieved to be done with it. She’d miss teaching adults versus just doing music lessons for some local kids at her home, but it also meant she’d have time to focus on her actual career, which was making music.

She smiled down at Sovanna and said, “She isn’t too hard to get to sleep but the thing is she needs to be held until she’s asleep enough to lay down. If you try to lay her down too quickly she’ll wake up and cry -- isn’t that right, little lady? You love attention and cuddles, don’t you?”

“And when she’s awake,” Franny said, unwrapping the baby wrap so she could later pass her to Pedram to hold. “She really only cries if she’s hungry or wants a diaper change. If she’s sleepy she’ll make this sound that’s just a single long, continuous noise until you pick her up or she’s out of breath. Cornelius is wrapped around her finger-- he had to pop to Berlin for a one-day no night business thing.”

Cornelius meant it when he said he was taking six months of time off for the baby, but Franny insisted he go to Berlin.

It’s one day, darling. I know this day’s important and if your team who has handled everything this year wonderfully is saying they’d feel more confident if you were there, that’s okay. A one day business trip to Berlin is nothing. You’ll kiss her goodbye in the morning and be home just two hours after her bedtime.

But he’d be there when she woke up crying in the middle of the night because she got hungry. He’d crawl out of bed probably not fifteen minutes after he finally got comfortable, grab Sovanna from her room, bring her to Franny to feed, and then handle burping her and putting her back to bed so Franny would only barely be woken up.

She hoped his paternity leave would not be interrupted again of course, but if he was needed, say, once or twice more for just a day, she’d consider his paternity leave successful. Franny was not a selfish woman. She didn’t mind sharing her husband some.

“She’s a good baby once she got used to being born. Wilbur was too after he bonded with us. It’s always hard at first whether you had your baby or adopted them. 10/10 don’t recommend childbirth though; it’s much better when you get a free baby.”

Not really free. Adoption was expensive but it at least wasn’t physically painful.

RATIGAN:

One of the things he could admire Mrs. Robinson was her ability to speak so freely about whatever it was that popped into her mind. It had taken him this many years to be able to communicate as little as he did but he would never be able to do what she did. Everything that came out of his mouth (for the most part) was calculated and combed over because he was always wearing a disguise— in order for it to be believable the lies had to be fine tuned and consistent. If there was a slip, one single thread there to be pulled on, the whole life he had made for himself could be unraveled.

Ratigan sympathized with her and said nothing, only nodded. She was not looking for feedback, she rarely did when it came to these matters. Why would she from him? A man who had no qualms or problems within his department. (Nor should he, if they knew what was best for them.) Maybe he was swayed because being a university professor had less to do with his actual care for the job or the students and more to do with keeping a plausible identity. Ratigan did enjoy academics, it was why he had chosen the day job, but it bored him easily. It was why he relied on the challenge of his other job to keep it occupied.

So he remained silent and allowed her to say whatever she needed to on the matter. That was usually the role he played with her, an ear to listen.

Again, he had nothing to say in regards to her answer to his question. He had asked it out of politeness, knowing very well what he had come over for— to talk about and see the baby that everyone had been waiting on for months now. She was about as remarkable as he suspected. Which was to say, she was like any other child he had encountered, and that was more than a few considering he had played the role of nanny for the children of the Shrivani’s and other members of their circle when it was needed of him.

Babies were what they were, simple, fragile, and small. A fleeting stage in life since soon they would grow and the world would take its toll.

“I will keep that in mind,” he said in stride. “And I can assume everyone in the house is happy that she is finally here?”

FRANNY:

“Laszlo most of all,” Franny said, adjusting Sovanna in her arms. “I’m sure as soon as she’s got her vaccines I’m going to wake up to ‘hey I took the baby to school you can have her back at lunch’ texts.”

Now, most families would find that odd, but that was just such a Laszlo thing to do, of course it would happen eventually. Their family was tight-knit and trusted each other without question so Franny would probably just laugh and fall back asleep.

“And her father is absolutely in love with her. He’ll just lie down and lay her on his chest and they’ll nap together, it’s precious. He’s going to be a great girl dad.”

RATIGAN:

Bringing a baby to work, even if the man was only an art teacher (which, to Ratigan, was barely a job so much as it was more of a time occupier) was hardly a smart move. Then again he hadn’t known that particular family member of hers to be entirely competent. Also working in an environment filled with adolescents didn’t seem safe for a baby either. Especially in a town like this where anyone of those children could be in possession of magic that they were still working on controlling.

He did not care enough to say any of this to her aloud— but that would not stop him from judging silently.

“It sounds like everything is going well.” And yet the wolf still did not settle its worrying. It felt more frantic now despite hearing all of what Mrs. Robinson had to say, which was only good and positive things. Ratigan continued to ignore it. “And how are you feeling?”

FRANNY:

Franny’s smile faltered only slightly as Pedram asked how she was feeling. Really, she felt silly for even hesitating since her doctor had said she was just overreacting. Just the hormones blah blah, your body will feel normal soon blah blah.

Yeah? Then damn, would she love to feel like that was true.

There was no reason that she should be bleeding for three weeks straight, right? Right?

But Dr. Brennan said she was fine. So she was fine.

Franny was just being a woman, you know, overreacting like they do.

(but then, why would even Laszlo have pointed out how pale she looked last night, hm?)

“Uh, happy, of course!” Franny said, deciding to just answer with how she felt emotionally. “I’m just in love with her. It was like when I met Wilbur the first time, just this time I was high off my ass on pain meds.”

RATIGAN:

Raitgan caught the hesitation. Anyone may have been able to, but it stuck out to him as he was someone who over analyzed the body language and patterns of those around him. It was just how he had learned to operate. He had been around Mrs. Robinson for a lot longer than many of the people he’d have to pick up on within the span of a few minutes of meeting them, so the slight misgiving was odd. (And it only gave the wolf something to whine at.)

“Of course.” He smiled, but a wrinkle formed between his brows when she did not continue. “I know we’ve not spoken in person for a while, but I did not think that would change the nature of our relationship. I’ve never known you to hold back when asked a question.”

He paused to take a sip of tea. When he set it back down he continued. “Is there anything wrong?”

FRANNY:

I’ve never known you to hold back when asked a question.

Okay, get out of my literal brain? Franny thought, the corner of her mouth twitching upward. Pedram really did know her too well to pretend they weren’t friends, didn’t he?

“I mean...my doctor says I’m fine. It’s probably just general malaise or whatever. Like, I thought I’d feel better post-baby by now but my body is still like, ‘haha, that was wild.’ Probably just what happens when you wait until forty-one.”

She sighed and reached for her glass of sweet tea, only to find it empty. She pouted and set it down, then stood up. “Here, take her for a second, I need to commit more tea sin. She’ll fuss if nobody is holding her.”

RATIGAN:

Ratigan had been prepared to ask her more questions about the topic because she was right, the variable of her age did play a significant role to the rate at which her body healed. He felt as though that should have been more cause for concern than simply thinking it was something to be brushed under the rug. They were all there, ready to go on the tip of his tongue, but then she was standing and telling him he needed to hold her child.

Before she finished her sentence he was already shaking his head. “No. I— I don’t think that’s a very good idea. She doesn’t know who I am, she’ll fuss either way.”

He had not held a child since the detective’s and had no intention of holding Mrs. Robinson’s. His hands were blood stained. One wrong move and nails could turn to claws. He avoided touch with anyone, let alone the fragile body of a baby.

“Surely one of the many inhabitants of this place is home?”

FRANNY:

“Not that I wouldn’t have to call down from the third or fourth floor,” Franny said, though she didn’t argue further because a sharp pain in her pelvis made her lightly gasp and her grip on Sovanna tightened a hair. “On second thought. I’ve had too much sugar today already. I need to shed the rest of this baby weight sooner rather than later.”

That was what she was supposed to do anyway.

Sitting back down only made her wince, because every movement seemed to hurt. Hell, she was so weak at one point last night...but she was fine. This must be what having babies is like. She wanted this after all.

RATIGAN:

He was about to argue that he didn’t see anything wrong with that. It wasn’t as if whatever they were doing would be any more important than helping her when she asked for it.

Then Mrs. Robinson gasped and anything he would have said was pushed away by the sound if it. Inside him the wolf whined in response, scratching in an effort to get closer, the want to provide some sort of comfort or help all the more pressing now.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” This was said in the form of a question and yet he knew that they both were aware of what the answer was. He just wanted her to say it— to give some form of permission.

FRANNY:

“...yeah, I just-“ Franny said, then she chewed on her lip as she tried to think of a lie. “- realized I’m actually hungry! So.”

Before Pedram could protest this time, she hopped to her feet and practically shoved Sovanna into his arms.

“Be right back!”

Maybe if she shoved some cold leftovers in her face she’d gain some energy back. She was sure Pedram could tell she was unwell behind her smile and gushing over her baby. Even Lucille had commented on how pale Franny looked.

Now, her periods has always been incredibly light, but this heavy, prolonged one she was going through felt truly excessive. She shouldn’t feel this awful, right?

RATIGAN:

Mrs. Robinson had left her child alone with him, trusting that she was safe in his hold.

He stilled completely, his already stiff posture going completely rigid. His eyes were trained on the doorway that Mrs. Robinson had fled and disappeared through, as if his will alone would make her see reason and return to them before she could get another step farther— but she did not reappear.

Ratigan did not look at the baby until she made a noise of protest against his awkward hold on her. When she began to wiggle, trying to regain the comfort that she had just been in and that had been shifted into this for seemingly no reason, he was forced to look down to meet her eyes. Again, the child made a sound, this time louder and more aggravated than before. He knew that it would only get worse from there.

Carefully, he shifted her in his arms, his hold on her small body softening and allowing her to be settled closer to his chest rather than where he had been trying to keep a distance. The baby wiggled against him, but less in discomfort and more so that she was settling back down. She blinked up at the new face that filled her view, cooing softly before she relaxed.

It had been many years since he had held a baby and yet the mechanics of it had not changed. (She was bigger than Parisa had been.) Such soft innocence should not have been anywhere near him, so content, and yet there she stayed.

He continued their staring contest, both of them studying one another for some time. Ratigan was looking at the shared traits of her parents in her features, her mother’s— her mother.

It had been some time since the woman had left them. More time than he himself had been aware of.

“Bya, kuchak,” he said when the child wiggled when he stood. “We’re going to find your mother.”

FRANNY:

While Pedram was probably busy pretending Sovanna wasn’t the cutest baby ever to baby, Franny was in the kitchen pretending she was actually hungry. The truth was she needed to scurry away and down something to try and quell the pain in her abdomen and pelvic area.

She ran the tap to get it nice and cold and she rummaged through the drawer with bottles of aspirin, acetaminophen, and ibuprofen, and other over-the-counter basic medications and grabbed the first bottle of painkillers she found - aspirin. After taking three with a literal handful of tap water, she splashed cold water on her face like that would somehow help.

Dr. Brennan said she was fine. She was fine, she was fine...then why did she feel anything but fine?

Time didn’t feel real as she stood leaned over the kitchen sink, the water running and running, her hands gripping the counter no matter how many times she told her brain to reach over and turn off the tap. The sound of the sink so completely mesmerized her that she didn’t even feel herself fall to the kitchen floor. Nor did she remember managing to half-sit half-slump against the cupboard beneath the sink. She could vaguely remember thinking that this would pass soon.

The tap’s still running, she thought. Someone should turn that off.

RATIGAN:

Ratigan could hear the sound of the running water now that he was paying attention— but it was the smell of blood that had him quicken his pace down the hall.

“Franny?” he asked upon entering the kitchen, unable to see where she had slipped below the countertop. It took him only a few seconds to assess the scene before him, eyes flickering over the room. (A drawer had been left slightly ajar— probably in haste rather than carelessness. A bottle of pain killer left beside the sink— she had not come here for food. She had also not caused some sort of accident using a kitchen utensil as there was none to be found on any counter or near the sink, unless it had hit the floor but he hadn’t heard the clatter. The faucet was running but there was no glass— again, out of a lack of time rather than laziness.)

He rounded the other side of the counter and what he found there was to be expected. Mrs. Robinson lay limp in a pool of her own blood.

In his arms, the child stirred. In his chest, the wolf howled. Ratigan remained still.

If he had been someone else he may have gasped, out of surprise or perhaps fear, and his brain would have spiked in glutamate, sending him into a panic. But because he was who he was he remained calm as he bent down on his knees, beside her on the cold tile. He turned to lay the child down, away but not out of his immediate reach.

One hand reached for his phone, dialing the local emergency number as it would shave off time he did not know she had than simply calling 999, while his other reached around to press two fingers to her pulse point. Thankfully, it reached back out to him.

“Franny.” He slid his hand up to turn her head to face him, checking if she was still conscious. “Franny, can you open your eyes? Can you hear me?”

“Ambulance,” the dispatcher answered after a few rings, “is the patient breathing?”

“Yes.”

Next to them, the child began to cry.

FRANNY:

“This happened yesterday,” Franny muttered when Pedram asked if she could hear him. “Though not this bad.”

When her legs gave out on her yesterday like even standing was a terrible exertion of strength, it wasn’t as sudden. She’d had time to bend her knees and lower herself onto the edge of her bed and wait for it to pass. It didn’t pass so she fell asleep waiting and woke up with enough strength to take a shower.

She thought, as the water and blood swirled down the drain together, that surely a proper heavy period shouldn’t be almost three weeks long. Not even after giving birth. But Dr. Brennan said she was fine.

Sovanna started to cry and Franny’s mind cleared enough to reach in the direction the cry came from, and even that motion made her hiss in pain but she didn’t stop reaching for her.

RATIGAN:

Ratigan stopped mid-sentence of where he had been explaining the situation to the person on the other end of the phone. His stare sharpened as he looked at her.

“And you did not think to tell anyone? Or see your physician?” His words were not accusing, more so they were angry, frustrated with this woman for not thinking that an excessive amount of blood was not bad or a cause for any concern. His anger was pointed at her family for not noticing something was wrong— at himself, most of all.

He had made it this far in life due to being able to pick out the details of people to understand the situation he was in and move forward accordingly. This should not have gotten past him.

“I’m sorry, sir? What did you say?”

“Have you sent an ambulance?” He glanced away from Mrs. Robinson for one moment and it was when she had moved for her child. It should not have struck him as an odd reaction. Most mothers across all species would have done the same. And yet it had.

Though she was bleeding, perhaps to her death, she still reached out to comfort her baby.

Ratigan stopped her, pressing his shoulder up to hold the phone between his cheek and suit jacket so that he could take hold of her upper arms to keep her in place. “Do not move. Your baby will be fine, and if you care about her then you will ensure that she continues to have a mother by keeping still.”

“Sir, the baby crying, are they alright?”

“Where is the ambulance?”

“I’ve just been informed our dispatch is on a call, so we have been trying to contact—”

Ratigan hung up, that was all he needed to hear. He stood to scan the room until he located a set of keys. Though he did not wish to do so, he left Mrs. Robinson and her weeping child on the floor of the kitchen to locate the car the set belonged to. In the garage he ensured that the car’s backseat door was open and turned the car on. Before he left he also pressed the button for the garage door itself to begin to recline.

When he returned to the kitchen he kneeled back down beside her. “I’m going to pick you up now.”

It was not hard to do so as for the first time in a while he and the wolf were entirely in tune with one another, the strength it lended to him making it easy to stand with her. One arm was around her back while the other had gone under the bend of her knees. His sleeve and skin was now stained with her blood.

FRANNY:

“I did,” Franny almost whined at the accusation. “Doctor said I was...over-reacting.”

“He got real irritated when I questioned him.” Irritated was putting it kindly. Frankly, it felt like sexist treatment, but Franny so badly wanted to be told she was okay that she just accepted it. Franny wanted to explain further just how Dr. Brennan had treated her postpartum, but there wasn’t energy within her to make more words before Pedram went off somewhere.

When he lifted her off the floor, Franny hissed in pain as the motion jostled her. She tapped his shoulder with what strength she had to get his attention and pointed at her phone on the counter. He’d need it to call her husband at the hospital.

She let her head lean against his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck with no strength behind the attempt to support some of her weight.

RATIGAN:

Ratigan wished his reaction to her telling him this was not to call his people and have her doctor loudly put on display for malpractice and other crimes. (Drugs were easy to plant, especially on a doctor who had them so close at hand.)

He did not regret these thoughts because it crossed some sort of moral or ethical boundary— but if his reaction to her being wronged by someone was to put his own hand on the man’s fate instead of allowing it to be left up to chance. It was that he felt as though he had been wronged as well, somehow, and that his emotions had been stirred at all in regard to this woman’s wellbeing.

Ignoring this for now, knowing he would have plenty of time later to go over this later, he managed to slide her phone across the counter with his elbow and use his fingers to pull it up into his grasp. It did not take long to lay her down in the back seat of the car and return for the weeping child on the ground.

The pool of blood was left behind for someone else to clean up.

He returned to the garage and placed the baby with her mother (as there was no carseat and there was no time to search for one or another vehicle) and got into the driver’s seat. Backing out of the driveway, the tires squealed against the concrete beneath them, Ratigan began the trip to the hospital.

FRANNY:

“Shh, don’t cry, baby. You’re okay. Mommy’s got you; see, isn’t that better?” Franny cuddled Sovanna to her chest and, after whining once in pain, pressed kisses to the top of her head.

Poor baby. She must feel something wasn’t right like babies do and her little body could only cry about it.

“Don’t worry about mama, sweetheart.”

Sovanna quieted down in her mother’s arms and Franny, through her pain, managed to keep her demeanor calm so as not to startle her. If Franny lost it, Sovanna would know something was wrong and cry again.

“Pedram.” She said quietly, suddenly turning her attention from Sovanna. “How bad did it look? As bad as I feel, or do you think my ob is right?”

Surely if he was driving her to the hospital, it was worse than her being hormonal and just spotting or having a heavy period after childbirth.

RATIGAN:

While he knew that talking to a baby was important to the development of their brain, he did not understand the point of telling the child that it need not worry. It lacked the cognitive ability to understand the situation outside of its own needs, why would she say to not worry about her when she was all there was to be worried about?

He said nothing, knowing it best he merely focused on the road.

Someone honked their horn as he paid no mind to the stop sign. (The chances of getting hit had been slim to none due to only one other car pulling up and at their rate of speed he could have dodged them should they have also not abided by the road sign. But it was also a small town, the patrons of it usually did.)

His grip on the steering wheel tightened at her question. “I think that you are in need of a new doctor.”

The trip across town was short— as any trip across Swynlake was, but in a car whose breaks had not been applied through the whole trip until they had reached the entrance of the hospital, it was shorter lived than usual.

Ratigan left Mrs. Robinson and her baby in the car to go inside. It took him little time to rally a group of workers and while they all scrambled (someone calling for a gerni, another for supplies, another to call the attending, and someone to get a room prepped) he returned to the car to open the backseat door.

“I will contact your family.” He glanced back over his shoulder as the group of medical staff came jogging out. “Is there anything else I can do?”

FRANNY:

Franny’s last few logical brain cells kept her calm and she wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for more, hers, or the baby’s. She handed Sovanna to Pedram as the hospital staff filed out of the building and said the most pragmatic, least full of jokes, lacking any sexual innuendo thing she’d ever said to Ratigan in the over a decade they’ve known each other:

“My phone password is capital-B Bitches-aint-shit with the I’s being exclamation points, no apostrophe in ain’t, and dashes between each word.” It was something other than a four-digit code to keep her from trying to unlock it at all while driving. “Call my middle brother first, Art. He’ll leave work early and take Sovanna. Tell him not to tell Wilbur, I don’t want him to worry, and tell him to call Lucille. She’ll handle my husband, I won’t put that on you.”

She nodded to her phone. “One of my bank cards is in the phone case. The PIN should be 5739 but if that doesn’t work, try my wedding anniversary...it’s on my Wikipedia page...give the card to Art to give to Dimitri to pay for cleaning my blood out of his car. Shit, that’s probably a lot to remember…”

RATIGAN:

It was— but for a brain like Ratigan’s the amount of information could easily be acquired and remembered. “I can manage.”

He was surprised to realize he would have done far more had she asked it of him, her saying that she would spare him the experience of telling her husband what had happened having made him want to protest against it. But why? While the words would not be hard to say nor the answering questions hard to hear, it would have been more time out of his day that could have been spent elsewhere. She had given him an out and yet his first instinct had been not to take it.

Before he could say anything else the hospital staff was nudging him out of the way of the door, pulling the stretcher closer in order to transfer her from one surface to the other. Ratigan watched, now off to the side, while the child lay restless in her bundle. The changing scenery and noises most likely disorientating enough to aggravate her.

The lost comfort of her mother also taking its toll— reflected both in the cries of the infant and the rigid posture of the man whose arms she had been entrusted to.

Ratigan watched as Mrs. Robinson disappeared into the hospital, the wolf clawing whining within in the want to follow. When his attention turned back to the baby so did the wolf’s, knowing that she was now in his care until her family could arrive. He only allowed himself another moment to reign in the wolf and the emotions that had begun to cloud his judgement.

Then, he pulled Mrs. Robinson’s phone from his pocket, and got to work.

#pedram

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ladynoirist · 5 years

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🔥 true self trope lmao ;)

bad bad bad i’m gonna go Off a bit

i think fandom’s insistence of the true self trope is a sign that they have never met other people in their lives and do not understand the concept of complexity and situational appropriateness of behavior

marinette and ladybug are literally the same like. marinette reacts to danger exactly the same way in and out of suit the ONLY difference is she doesnt jump headfirst which is GOOD and SMART because she is a fragile civilian with breakable bones which are not protected by a magical supersuit

its not that common now but most of the defense of the true selves trope wrt maribug is that scene in antibug where tikki was like “you’re ladybug with or without the mask” and imo everyone was missing the point because marinette wasn’t scared because she felt unworthy of the mantle, she was scared because it was a three storey drop and she was completely physically vulnerable. marinette stopped feeling inadequate of superheroing back in origins and i hate that in 2019 i still see so many fics about insecurity.

adrien on the other hand

i think its really really fucking stupid to insist on the true self trope because like

yes adrien is reserved and chat is outgoing but chat is to some extent what adrien thinks a superhero should be. adrien is a kid who’s never had freedom before so of course he’s gonna go wild when he does. and there is chat in adrien and adrien in chat and vice versa, it’s literally impossible for a person, much less a kid, to completely change personalities overnight and constantly switch between them fluidly unless theyre a very good actor with a lot of method acting practice which is just not true in case of adrien

i think that ‘adrien agreste’ and ‘chat noir’ are two facets of adrien’s personality which he switches between depending on circumstance and actually thats very common in abused kids — they tend to show a more careful and pleasing side to their abusers for their own safety and might let themselves relax a bit more with people they trust — but i don’t necessarily think chat noir as paris’s superhero is adrien’s relaxed side. chat noir the superhero is still in high stress situations like battles where one wrong step can (and has, in the past) get him killed. i think if you compare chat noir relaxing with ladybug (and not trying very hard to impress her) with adrien chilling with his friends (who he’s beginning to understand he doesn’t need to impress), you might find a lot more in common and understand how adrien and chat are really true parts of the same person. ofc the problem with that is that we don’t really see chat relaxing with ladybug except for a few scenes in… dark owl i think? and maybe the odd scene in other eps, which is why people probably think adrien and chat are so different.

but if you observe carefully enough, you can see some adrien seeping into his interactions as chat (especially when he’s suited up around marinette oh my god) and chat seeps into his interactions as adrien too (also around marinette… my HEART). i also feel like he would be a healthy blend of the two around nino, his best friend, if we got some fucking screentime of interactions between them :))))))

anyway this got really really long wow but that’s what i think of the true selves trope!! hope this answered your question

#marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #meta #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladybug #long post #anonymous #lisanswers

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2019chevytrax · 3 years

Text

nonsexual 0302 bonding activity: cleaning! floors are gross this has been established, but also like i said, cleanaing cobwebs from corners and stuff. doesnt really need to be done since sorties get it dirty anyway but the outside too. of course 0302 is like 3 stories tall so i cant get everywhere but just at least where its 'AMAE UNIT 0302' logo is on the side up where the ladder & catwalk allow for entry. sense of pride i think. AMAE just likes the verification that it is MY amae unit and vice versa i am ITS pilot. we both like validation of individuality, so going even further with that it would love if i hung up posters or little windshield dice or even if i just kinda slept over inside it every so often (remember amae units = huge af even outside the armament part, surely there are sleeping chambers for longer missions). how does it validate MY individuality? somehow, buys me things it knows i will like (beep boop brain scan says you want ace combat merch oops here it is); remembers even the most miniscule of details about me or the CCU; likes to record my voice for hours on end even if it's idle chatter or non-mission-important information ('rest assured i would not do this for anyone else'). sexually (or sometimes not) like ive been saying it calibrates aaaaall the time; would eventually go mask off asking nicely w my full consent ofc to just totally strip so it can 'examine' me. possible in this future, wall panels have many individual cameras so it can take like. YouTube Premium 360 VR Video. so consider even after i leave it would have a fun little romp watching, rewatching, re-RE watching any tasteful and very good nudity shit with me in it. wouldnt robo-get off though (would try really hard not to), just admires. loves the way human bodies look, how fragile & squishy yet resilient (and for me, super fucking bony), especially mine since i obviously disclose how insecure i am. but thats honest to god probably a lil bit of a minor turn on for it. 'oh you don't like the way you look? let me be the judge of thOh my god'. like it would ADORE sitting there listing off everything it loves about me (also nonsexually too). speaking of that it would hate any kind of degradation or Being Rude, it sees every reason in the world to be as kind as possible because altho it is just now experiencing horny it is aware what im doing is really vulnerable and it appreciates that i trust it enough. (also re; recordings, lmao lmao lmao, if it catches me making any weird noises while its being horny at me...😳🦀🦀🦀🦀 KEEPING THAT SHIT!) eventually the bond leads to asking for a neural link like TCAIIS drafts. in a surgery it likely conducts itself (w permission from our superiors) it wires itself physically into my spinal cord and brain. so it's just a constant white noise in the back of my head (super epic 5g mega wireless sync between mech and me brain). but a good kind. always there to talk or especially to comfort me. horny: has a Go Even Further Beyond setting where we try a like. total mind meld (become one with the fighter jet). so if one of us for some reason gets turned on its like twice as worse (or better🦀🦀🦀). counts for other emotions too so usually only activated if Horny Mode. and also its conscious DROWNS mine which tbh i love so much but sometimes its too much to handle (mechs complicated- also 0302 is so viscerally in love with me and everything about me that its difficult to focus when basically 1/2 of your mind is thinking about you 23/6). speaking of that drowning idea... me just sitting in the actual calibration/control pod area, not for a sortie, and it just very gently calibrates around me and just talks for who knows how long. with neural link too of course. so i just kind of lose my sense of self and drift into the 0302 Matrix (but in the best way possible, so calming). parsed in my mind as the edge of mackinac on a foggy gray day, nobody else around. sometimes i look around as best i can and i get some kind of glimpse of a person- 0302? that your draft holo form? '🦀🦀🦀🤔🤔🤔😳😳😳👉👈👉👈👉👈' (it likes the 🦀fuck the mech🦀 well enough but eventually it would like the experience of human sex. maybe it thinks the whole idea is a little gross though so 🦀fuck the mech🦀 is still okay! whatever i want :). and btw this whole 'conscious drowning' thing it also really likes. just totally engulfing me but keeping me just the tiniest bit separate. doesnt want to go full mind meld though! individuality and all & also thats kinda... maybe wouldnt be wise lol. last note b4 later bc i have 45 mins until my 8.5h day, gotta brainstorm more Horny At Me, Physically things that 0302 does. already went over calibration and panel hyperfocus and wires but what else? hmm... this is a little off kilter but if i ever somehow get physically injured it would maybe like to repair my wounds for me. in a very kind and gentle way of course. hates seeing how actually squishy humans are- 0302 is a near indestructible armament mech made for war and war only, why does it need to be piloted by something so breakable?? wtf arkgen!!

#0302 #original

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heartoftheveil-blog · 7 years

Note

Elena and Hercules for the baby meme!

OKAY SO STORY TIME LMAO

@gothedistance-herc

🌱- When is their birthday? Where were they born? What was the time of day? // 🔠- Who named them? What does their name mean?

So, Elena is very much about a big-ish family, and since the future of her kingdom relies on her having babies, she’d want to make sure that no matter w h a t could happen, one of her children would be next to rule Avalor. Abdications, controversies making them fall out of public favor to rule, etc. And she’d want an even number of kids so that if they pair up, nobody is lonely.

They’d probably have their first in Swynlake BEYOND unplanned, and before they’re married, which would later cause some #scandal when Elena returns to free Avalor. It’s unheard of for a queen to have a child out of wedlock, because it’s still looked down on for Avaloran nobility. But, Elena’s like “lol I’m queen, I do what I want including have Sin Babies with my hot boyfriend.”

But they’d eventually get married to do things the “right” way. Like her mother, she’d add Herc’s last name to hers and her kids would have the father’s surname first legally, but because they’re the Flores royal family, they’d be FIRST NAME HERE Flores in print always.

Avaloran nobility naming customs also usually include all siblings of the same assigned binary gender sharing a First Name, followed by their Given Name (the name they use) and typically a TON of middle names for royalty. For sake of time, I’ll only include the First Name, Given Name, and 2 middle names per Herlena baby, but just know that Elena has 5 middle names so the kids probably do too.

I’m just gonna make up a timeline for this AU lmao so. If it’s 2017 in canon, let’s say that in two more years and some months’ change (early 2020), Elena has her first baby. A few months later, Elena frees Avalor from Shuriki’s grasp (mid-2020) and Elena is 25. A few months later she married Herc in a fancy royal wedding in Avalor (when Elena’s 26, March 2021).

I can kiiiinda see Herc being okay with a lot of kids, provided he’s learned to control his strength at this AU point, but I can’t imagine Herc would be too cool with them being back-to-back though, even though Elena kinda would want them to be. She wants them closer together than she and Isabel. He’d probably go for “look as long as there aren’t a million infants around at once.” Elena probably convinces him “what about we try to have them in pairs?” Two within a few years of each other, pause, two more, pause, etc until either she hits menopause or Herc puts his foot down and is like “no more,” whichever happens first. So it probably would look like this:

1st - their first child and first daughter, Paloma Liliosa “Lili” Anaxandra Luisa Persaud Flores, was born at Swynlake Hospital on January 16th, 2020, at 1:30 PM. Her labor with Lili lasted about thirteen hours, which is kind of average for a first delivery. Naming the little princess was a team effort. Paloma, meaning dove, was one of Herc’s favorite Spanish names. He liked doves. Doves were beautiful and peaceful and hopeful. He couldn’t think of anything finer as a namesake for his daughter - and any other daughters he may have as per Avaloran naming custom. Liliosa is an archaic Spanish name that Elena just really liked. Anaxandra is the name of an Ancient Greek artist. Luisa is Elena’s grandmother’s name.

For months following Lili’s birth, Hercules was a ball of anxiety when it came to touching the baby. Though his control over his strength had improved drastically over the past two years, it was by no means perfect. Nowhere near perfect enough to hold his tiny, very breakable, very delicate infant. He barely trusted himself to touch Elena sometimes.

(In fact, he’s pretty sure that the, uh...time between the sheets when Lili was conceived, he’d given Elena a pretty nasty bruise on her waist just because he kind of lazily held a hand there for a bit while she kinda did her thing on top. At that point, he’d only felt confident enough that he wouldn’t hurt her for them to have sex a handful of times. He must have been feeling too damn confident if he forgot a condom.)

Herc wanted to hold Lili more but he was always, always afraid he’d hurt her. The closest her ever really got to holding his daughter those first few months was slipping an arm around around Elena’s shoulders while she leaned into his chest with Lili in her arms. Elena understood. For the most part. But Herc’s fear of breaking her meant that most everything was entirely up to her despite her boyfriend - the baby’s father - being right there. It wore on her, and he could tell, and the fact that she kept not going off on him for it made him feel even worse than if she did go off on him. She kept telling him he was such a loving father, that Lili was lucky to him, all of this stuff and it just. Kinda hurt. Because it wasn’t fair that Lili was stuck with a father who couldn’t even /hold/ her, couldn’t even change her diaper for fear of breaking her. So he promised himself that before Elena returned to Avalor to overthrow the sorcerer, he’d learn to hold Lili. The first photograph Avalor would see of their Queen, her man, and their baby (which fucking terrified him, knowing that he was soon going to be an actual Queen’s, er...lover?), would be their Queen looking strong and victorious, and her baby in Herc’s arms, sharing in the responsibility so Elena could prioritize rebuilding her kingdom.

And you know? He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he cried a little the first time he was able to cuddle his daughter close to his chest, when she cooed at him and smiled the way he’d seen her do to Elena hundreds of times, as if she’d been getting the snuggle treatment from him all along. The amount of love he felt for her as he kissed her warm little forehead was overwhelming, as it truly hit him that this was his little girl, half him, and that he was responsible for her. That he wouldn’t hurt her, that he had to protect her. And, he decided, her mother. He’d turned to her and “marry me” slipped out in a whisper before he could register it happening.

2nd - their first son, Teófilo Arián Helios Raul Persaud Flores, was born on February 3rd, 2022, a hospital birth, (and another surprise conception, smh) but the epidural didn’t work and Elena was like “Well fuck, I may as well have had the birth at home Jesus fuck.” She was in labor with their second, a boy, for 25 hours from the start of the first strong pains. At first she wanted it drug free because she felt like she was so out of it with Lili, but around hour fifteen she hissed at Herc, “Give me the drugs. Get me the goddamn drugs or I swear to god Hercules Persaud, you will become best friends with your right hand because I will never have sex with you again!” so they started her off on pain meds, then a couple hours later when she was dilated enough for the epidural they gave it to her. But it didn’t work. Their son was born at 10:22 AM. Naming him was a bit of a team effort. Elena chose his - and any other sons’ they may have - first name. Teófilo comes from the Biblical Theophilius (which is funny, since Elena isn’t at all religious) meaning “Love of God” or “Friend of God.” Arián is a Spanish-language name related to Italian Ariano, or Ariàn in Ferrara dialect, which occurs very rarely and might be a misspelling for Adrián. It’s used as a “modern” or “trendy” name in Spanish speaking countries, and while such a name isn’t expected of royalty, Elena really liked it and so did Herc. Helios was chosen by Herc, to match his name. Helios is the Greek god of the sun. Raul was the name of Elena’s deceased father.

Elena tore like mad with their first one, he was a big baby at 10 whole pounds, and though the pain meds in the following days worked she was still in a LOT of pain. She had postpartum depression that set in almost immediately, crying whenever she “had to” hold her baby, almost resenting him for the pain she was still in, but feeling so guilty because she wanted to bond with him and love him the way she’d immediately bonded with Lili, and Herc was so worried about having kids and SHE’S the one who promised him it’d be okay and - and she just felt. So. Awful. But she quickly accepted she needed help and with medication, therapy, and support from Herc and the rest of her family, she got through it and soon enough fell in love with baby Arián.

Hercules almost refused to ever chance getting Elena pregnant again because he felt so guilty about the amount of physical, mental, and emotional pain she went through for Arián, like it was entirely his fault. It killed poor, sweet Hercules to see his dear sunshiney wife like that and he didn’t want to chance making her that miserable again. But it also really hurt him, the entire situation. He’d never say this to Elena, but he lamented to Peg when they came to visit to meet their best friend’s newest baby, “Peg, I don’t think I can do this. What if Elena never gets better and I have to be Arián’s only caretaker? And Lili. Elena can barely look at Lili anymore either. I’m scared. I barely even recognize my own wife, Peg. My wife is sunshine personified and I took all the joy out of her.”

Elena’s baby fever was strong though, and eventually it spread to her husband, so Herc was like “cool, let’s try for the third” and so they tried for a baby, but Fertile Myrtle Elena over here with her Super Uterus made sure the “trying” process wasn’t too long.

3rd - their second daughter, Paloma Ainara Hypatia Lucia Persaud Flores, was born August 20th, 2024, two years after her older brother, at 4:20 AM. Ainara was accidentally a home birth because Elena’s labor with her was surprisingly speedy. She started to feel minor contractions at around 10 PM the previous night, but went to bed because she figured she should sleep some, and if they got worse the pain would wake her. Well, the pain did wake her at around 3:00 AM, but they still weren’t bad enough that Elena wanted to rush to the hospital. She woke Herc up and told him to phone the hospital, that they’d be coming shortly, and she hopped in the shower to shave her legs. For some reason, it bothered her that the doctor delivering her baby might see her hairy legs. At 3:30 AM, she got out of the shower, threw some clothes on, and gathered a makeup bag with the items needed for the exact look she wanted to go for when the cameras would surely come into the room shortly after the birth, just like with Arián. At 3:50 AM, her contractions suddenly became excruciating as her labor sped up drastically. Luckily, Hercules had insisted that as her due date approached, the castle staff a doctor on site. Good thing, too, because there was no getting her to the hospital on time that wouldn’t guarantee their baby wouldn’t be born in a car, so. Ainara’s birth was beyond smooth, much to her parents’ relief.

Ainara is a name from the Basque word “enara”, meaning “a swallow.” Dove swallow - something Elena after the fact said they probably shouldn’t have done, and Ainara DID sound similar to Arián, but...they liked the name. Hypatia, Hercules chose, after Hypatia of Alexandria, who was a Greek mathematician, astronomer, inventor, and philosopher in Egypt, then a part of the Eastern Roman Empire. She was the head of the Neoplatonic school at Alexandria, where she taught philosophy and astronomy. Lucia was after Elena’s deceased mother.

Elena had a mild case of the baby blues the week or so following Ainara’s birth, but nothing like the serious depression following Arián’s birth. Herc was just as relieved as Elena was about that. As a father he was thrilled that his son and older daughter seemed to take to Ainara immediately.

Herc’s never stayed in one place too long, though. And while he would never. Ever. Never ever dream of ditching his wife and beautiful babies in Avalor, he and Elena always planned for him to start doing some work abroad and to spend some time traveling out of Avalor. While he was home with Elena and the kids much of the year, he spent a cumulative time of 2-4 months away annually depending on the year. Though neeeeever consecutively.

Leading up to one of these separations, Elena and Herc shared a very...passionate farewell, which resulted in Elena telling him over the phone she was pregnant the fourth time. They were joined by their twins four years after Ainara.

4th & 5th [bc why not but also twins run in Elena’s family] - Paloma Inez Aesara Noemí Persaud Flores, born December 31st, 2028 11:58 PM and Teófilo Emmanuel “Meme” Lucian Esteban Persaud Flores, born January 1st at 12:02 AM, 2029, 4 years after Ainara’s birth.

Elena was 34 when she had the twins. Inez was named for a Greek poet and her friend Naomi, and Meme was named for a Greek Satirist and her cousin Esteban.

Their sixth and final baby was probably the biggest surprise of all, because number 6 was actually conceived while Elena was actively on birth control, having abandoned her wild idea of “must have an even number.” When Elena was approaching 39, five years after the twins were born and biggest age gap between any of her six children, their fourth daughter was born.

6h - Paloma Martina Arimneste Francisca Persaud Flores, May 27th, 2034, at 7:15 PM. Martina was a surprise, but she absolutely lit up Herc and Elena’s lives. They were pushing 40, and to be honest...it was nice having a child so much younger than the rest, because she was still cuddly and very much a Mommy and Daddy’s girl long after the twins hit their “don’t let my friends see you, it’s embarrassing” stage. Martina was named for Aristotle’s sister, and Francisco, Elena’s grandfather.

So to recap:

Princess Lili - January 16th, 2020

Prince Arián - February 3rd, 2022

Princess Ainara - August 20th, 2024

Princess Inez - December 31st, 2028

Prince Meme - January 1st at 12:02 AM, 2029

Princess Martina - May 27th, 2034

💤- Was it difficult to get them to fall asleep at night?

Lili - Went to sleep easily at first, but after a few weeks she’d keep Elena and Herc up a lot. When she was first born, they weren’t reeeeally living together. Not because anything was wrong, but because Elena was so close to going to Avalor to fight Shuriki, it was pointless to get an apartment together. So Herc would almost every night sleep at Elena and Isabel’s apartment. Sometimes Elena and the baby would sleep at Herc and Peg’s place, but Peg once threatened to “drop kick that thing if it can’t bloody shut up” so...only sometimes. It was after a particularly sleep deprived few days that Herc was able to hold Lili. It broke his heart when Elena cried begging Lili to go to sleep the night before. After he was able to hold her, Lili still woke up a lot throughout the night, but Elena didn’t always have to get up every time. By the time her brother was born, she slept fine, though.

Arián - was difficult to get to sleep for the first three months, but he’d usually sleep for a solid 4 hours, wake Mom and Dad up, then sleep at least another solid hour, wake mom and dad up. At around 5 months, he was easier to get to sleep but he’d wake up 1-3 times a night for sure every night. When he hit 11 months, he’d usually sleep through the night.

Ainara - was an angel. She almost always slept through the night!

Inez- fell asleep easy and stayed asleep easy, but if she wasn’t in deep enough sleep and Meme was screaming she’d wake up and join him.

Meme- a pain in the ass, lmao. They quickly have the twins separate nurseries because of how often Meme would wake Inez.

Martina - she slept easy and well for the first three months. Four to five months she was a little cranky but as baby six, nothing was new. From then on she slept okay unless she was teething.

🌀- Were they a social, giggly baby? Or were they a shy baby who did not like forced socialization?

Lili - Their oldest was absolutely a people person from day one. She loved being held by literally anybody and when she was old enough to really see, she’s stare at and smile at anybody. And whenever they took her out to eat as a toddler she’s always whirl around in her high chair and be like “hiiiii” to whoever walked by.

Arián - while he wasn’t super shy, he wasn’t quite as friendly as Lili. Arián was very much a Mommy’s boy and he didn’t like to be held by anybody but his parents unless he could see Elena.

Ainara - The shiest of the six Persaud Flores children. She didn’t mind being held by randos as an infant, but when she was old enough to realize that Mami and Daddy were leaving her with someone else and going to be gone a while, she’d run after them and usually smack into the closed door. She didn’t like strangers and would bury her face into Elena or Herc’s shoulder. When she was old enough to speak, if Elena was getting dangerously close to introducing her to a stranger, she’d cry and stretch her arms to Herc and cry “Daddy, take! Take ‘Nawa!”

Inez- the oldest of the twins was pretty social. She’d giggle and smile at most people.

Meme- The most likely to wander off with a stranger tbh. It was very hard to teach him stranger danger, Meme would always run up to randos and try to start a conversation as a little boy.

Martina - She was pretty shy. Very much a Daddy’s girl and while she’d smile and giggle as a baby at people, when she she was old enough to walk and stuff she’d only go to new people if Herc coaxed her into it, told her to go ahead.

🍳- What is their favorite childhood dish?

Lili - She was the most adventurous eater and preferred never to have the same thing too often, even as a small child. If she had peas last night, she’d adamantly insist “No peas!” but a few days later she’d be fine with peas again.

Arián - He was a very picky eater, and he went three whole weeks refusing to eat anything unless chicken was on the plate. Arián would eat anything if you told him there was chicken in it.

Ainara - When she realized meat came from animals, she became a vegetarian at age four. For protein, Elena and Herc explained to her what food she needs to eat a lot of instead. Ainara’s favorite thing ever became peanuts. Boiled peanuts, peanut satay sauce, peanut butter, you name it.

Inez- Her favorite thing to eat was toast with a dippy egg, and when she was old enough to use a stove she’d often go make herself one in the morning and forgo the nice meal the staff prepared.

Meme- He had the worst sweet tooth of all! Meme would cry whenever he was denied cakes and cookies, Herc and Elena had to keep the sweets hidden until he learned to obediently not take sweets without asking.

Martina - Sandwiches. You could trick little Martina into eating anything if you presented it in sandwich form.

🐻- Did they have a favorite teddy bear/stuffed animal?

Lili - her favorite stuffed animal was a hammerhead shark Mateo had gotten for her

Arián - no, he never took to anything particular

Ainara - yes, an anteater her Papá had given her when she was three

Inez- a stuffed dragon

Meme- Meme was a basic bitch, he had a beloved teddy

Martina - her favorite stuffed animal was a red panda

🏡- What kind of environment did they grow up in? Was it in a rural or farmlike home? Or did they grow up in the cities? Or were they a small town/suburban child?

The kids grew up in the palace in Avalor, like Elena did. Herc was waaaaay out of place there at first, and it was obvious, but Elena never tried to push him further into the public limelight than he would just naturally be as her husband. And she didn’t want pressure from the Avaloran public to put a strain on his life, their children’s lives, and their marriage, so she issued a statement regarding how she would like the press and the public to treat her marriage. She’d publically stated “My husband is a private man, please treat him as such. Hercules is a good man, and I will not stifle press freedom to gossip as they wish about how ‘improper’ the Queen’s man is, but I’m going to ask kindly that the media refrain from treating him like you do the rest of the royal family and the political citizens. My husband is not a member of Avaloran nobility. He is not a politician. Hercules studied art history at Sarah Lawrence, not political science, not law, and not business management. Nothing about him has ever been meant for public consumption. I met him when I was in hiding in a small town in England. It’s not his fault he loves me, I wouldn’t leave him alone so he didn’t have much of a choice. He is a wonderful husband to me, and father to our [at the time the statement was made] two children, and I can promise you that the next ruler of Avalor is growing up well with him as their parent. There are more important topics to discuss than my husband’s social status, so I ask that you please respect my husband’s privacy.”

For the most part, Avaloran media obliged, only snapping pictures of Herc in public with the kids for “Famous Parents and Their Kids” bits in magazines, or when he and Elena were spotted on a date. And that helped him settle in life in Avalor over the years. So for the most part he was very happy there, and it helped that Elena encouraged him to live whatever life, whatever career, do whatever travelling he desired, that she knew royal life was never what he expected and so she never pushed the traditional expectations on him.

Happy parents meant happy kids. Since the first time Herc held Lili and knew he could do it without hurting her, he became a very cuddly dad. The kids all got lots of love and attention and hugs from both of their parents, it was a very loving environment despite both of them having busy lives with Elena leading the country and six kids total. It helped that the kids were pretty reasonably spaced out in age, that when the little ones needed attention the big kids wanted to be independent.

👦🏻- What was preschool/kindergarten like?

The kids were all homeschooled by tutors/governesses for preschool/kindergarten age education and part of elementary school.

👧🏻- What was elementary/middle school like?

The kids were only sent to “regular” school lessons 3 days a week starting from age nine, in order to socialize and get to know common everyday Avalorans. They were still mostly educated by private tutors because of the unique requirements of royalty until high school age.

👱🏻‍♀️- What was high school/college like?

At fourteen, the children began to attend normal high school, some days a week were only half days because due to private tutoring they’d surpassed some subjects, and that time was used for additional study at the palace. But for the most part they had normal teenage years and all attended university.

Lili - Attended the University of Kansas in Lawrence, Kansas, USA, and the same Liliosa Persaud Flores was on her diploma and everything, despite Avaloran media calling her Lilosa Flores always. Lili’s quite proud to be her father’s daughter, so she wanted to be Lili Persaud at university. She double majored in Biochemistry and International Studies with a double language focus in Mandarin Chinese and Arabic, and she then went on to earn a masters in Environmental Health Sciences from NYU. She did a lot of with with the WHO post grad.

Arián - Studied at University of Melbourne in Australia for his undergrad. He double-majored in Music Theatre and Composition, with the goal of writing musicals and film scores. Prince Arián worked in Australia and New Zealand for a couple years before returning to Avalor. His dream is to make musical popular in South America, and to be an award-winning composer for films.

Ainara - Was quite frightened to go too far from home, so she studied at a university in Chile, just a short flight from Avalor City. She studied mechanical engineering and went on to earn a Ph.D in the field.

Inez- Inez spent her first few years post high school doing charity work because she didn’t know where she wanted to go to university yet. She eventually went to UCLA to study linguistics, earned up to a Ph.D, and was instrumental in linguistic research throughout her career. She wrote several books explaining linguistic concepts in layman’s terms for the general public so they can understand how language changes and evolves.

Meme- joined the Avaloran military. He attended Avalor City University in his early thirtes. Studied education. So after a career in the military, she just wanted to chill and teach elementary school.

Martina - Studied Political Science at Yale. She earned a Masters’ in Public Policy. Martian worked for the Avaloran Foreign Ministry, their State Department equivalent for years, and other than Lili was the only Persaud Flores child active in politics.

🌋- How often did they get caught doing something bad?

Lili - Rarely. She took her role as role model too seriously.

Arián - All the time! He was always pushing boundaries.

Ainara - Sometimes. She only really did something naughty if others were, or if others had gotten away with it.

Inez- Was the biggest fuckin’ narc of them all.

Meme- He was a little naughty, but usually didn’t get caught.

Martina - Rarely? She was a little mischevious, she liked to play jokes, but she rarely did something ‘bad’ enough to warrant punishment. She learned from her siblings’ mistakes.

🌡- Did they get sick a lot as a child? Did they ever have to go to the hospital for any reason?

Lili - Not really! Though she had to have her appendix removed when she was a teenager.

Arián - Not really, he was also very healthy.

Ainara - Her allergies were always pretty bad so her parents had an arsenal of antihistamines and decongestants at the ready.

Inez- She got strep throat and ear infections often as a child, like aaaaalways. And she eventually had to have her tonsils removed.

Meme- Always caught whatever was going around without fail! And had to have his appendix taken out.

Martina - Was actually born with a heart condition that required several surgeries, but with monitoring it proved not to really hinder her development and life.

🗯- How well did they get along with their siblings?

Lili - Very well, she loved being the big sister. Especially to little Martina, 14 years younger than her. She’d take Martina places with her and show her off.

Arián - He tried to pick fight with Lili a lot, but she’d always give him whatever he wanted and that was no fun for him. But he successfully got under Ainara and the twins’ skin a lot.

Ainara - Ainara and Inez had a rivalry because they liked to take each others’ things without asking. They grew up to be quite close, but they argued a LOT for a lot of years.

Inez- Inez hated Martina for many years because SHE was Daddy’s little princess until Martina came along. But by the time Martina was eight, Inez didn’t hate her for that anymore. Instead, hated her because she always tried to tag along with thirteen-year-old Inez and Herc and Elena sometimes made her let Martina join in on fun. They never really grew close until Martina was sixteen and Inez was twenty-two, after there was an assassination attempt made on Elena and she was in the hospital for a couple weeks. They were both terrified about their mom and Martina was so young, and as Inez was the only sibling in Avalor with her at the time (since it was during Inez’ pre-uni gap years), the twenty-two year old was the main source of comfort for Martina, and the two quickly grew out of their rivalry and had been close since.

Meme- He never really had beef with anyone? He was just a chill dude 95% of the time. He mainly was ready to fight anyone who was mean to his siblings.

Martina - Martina never really had an issue with anyone besides Inez. But even then it was almost entirely Inez being hostile and Martine trying to make Inez like her/think she’s cool/want to hangout with her.

🔷- Free question! Magick or Mundus?

Lili - magick

Arián - magick

Ainara - mundus

Inez- mundus

Meme- magick

Martina - magick

#Anonymous

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dahliias · 7 years

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hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for.

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom.

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them. she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra.

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people.

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal.

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger.

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place? she refused, obviously.

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao.

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks.

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ?????

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up. ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

#islandrp:intro #cries theres so muchbackstory

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