#not sure i'll ever be able to transition fully out of masking! at least for the next few years! it's not like covid is no longer a thing

[youssefguedira]

so so sleepy

[shycoffeeland]

'MY GIRL' - SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY X F!141!READER [002]

[Part One]

Content tags: mentions of torture and specific injury, brief allusion to SA. Petnames are love, my girl. Simon takes care of you while you recover from your injuries, and price outlines your medical leave.

The room you'd woken up in was very bright, too bright for how groggy you were. The strangely clinical scent indicative of a hospital setting still sept through for a makeshift ward on a military base.

In through the dirty windows shone the bright desert sun, beckoning you into its warmth. The faint sounds of birdsong bled into your subconscious, gently coaxing you from your the depths of your rest.

Opening your eyes fully was a challenge; but a soldier of your caliber had done far worse. The ward was decently put together, curtain dividers between the beds, everything cleaned as best it could be, with multiple metal trolleys full of medical equipment. As you came to, the first things you felt were your hands. An IV line through one, the small puncture and bruise familiar to you, and a soft pressure on the other one. A hand. Looking around your bedside, you saw to your right, a high table, with a small plastic cup of water. To your left, in a metal chair not too dissimilar to the one you'd been held in, sat Simon. Your Simon.

He wasn't looking at you, or even in your direction. He was reading something, a collection of papers held together with a staple in the corner. It could've been an incident report, you couldn't read it properly. He had a hand resting on yours, a small show of affection, a sign of allegiance. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither were you. His mask was in his lap, and you could see the distinct lines of scarring on the side of his cheek. He moved the hand away from yours, reaching down to the floor and picking up a file that was thick with documents.

You coughed, not entirely sure if it had been involuntary or a momentary plea to get Simon's attention. Either way, he turned around. His face softened once he saw you, those wonderful brown eyes holding more emotion alone than you'd ever see in his whole face. The suprise only lasted for a moment, and was replaced with a look of longing, of protection. He stood up from his seat, going over to the table at your side. "Have some water, I'll help you up."

He gently held you, his tattooed arm around your back as he used the other to move the rocky pillows to better prop you up. He set you down slowly, knowing to be gentle where the wire had dug into your back and chest. The high metal frame of the medical cot was less than comfortable against your head, but the payoff of being able to finally have a drink of water without it spilling all over your face, was too good.

"Thank you," your voice was still scratchy, "I forgot how nice water could be."

He didn't say anything in response, but made a face that was similar to 'it's nothing.'

"Are you okay?" You asked as you looked at him, noticing the pain behind his eyes.

"I'm the least of your worries right now, Love." He took the chair, and moved it to your right side so he was facing you. It was easier to look to your right than your left, as the forceful grabs of your neck and chin to get your attention had left bad bruising around your neck and face. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." You huffed out an attempt at a laugh, only resulting in another cough. "Feels like I got held captive."

He rolled his eyes with a small, almost unnoticeable smile. "Yeah you would do, given that's what happened."

"Did you-" you started, unsure of how to finish what you needed to say.

"We took out 11 of the 13 that were in the building. One got taken in successfully, the other one stole a gun and shot himself in transit." He couldn't make eye contact with you, talking about the people who tortured you. It felt like he failed you, for it to have even happened in the first place. "He's being held on base but apparently he won't budge. Only said two words to the captain since they took him."

"Which were?" You asked, intrigued.

"Get fucked." He answered, "It won't be long until he talks though." He said, looking at the floor. He knew you wanted to know what happened, between the drugging and falling unconscious, you only had fleeting glimpses of what transpired, memories you'd pay a handsome sum to get rid of. "You in pain?" He asked, looking at you with his elbows on his knees, his gloved hands hovering together.

"A bit. Still kinda groggy more than anything." You replied, watching his quiet concern at the husk in your voice. "Si, I'm fine."

"You're not, you don't have to pretend you are." He stood up, looking through one of the medical trolleys for a painkiller. "We can't get you the good stuff without a medic on board. You good with these?" He pulled out a small cardboard box of blister packs. They'd be weak as shit but it'd keep you going for a bit longer. It was more of a statement than a question. Simon was going to do everything he could for you. It broke his heart seeing you in such a bad way. You were off-colour from the medication, and the lacerations and bruising up and down your body he'd seen when you were being treated initially almost made him throw up with the memories it invoked.

"Thanks." You took the painkillers, eagerly awaiting their effectiveness as each waking moment drew the fog further away and brought the sensations back to your body. "You been alright while I've been out?"

He almost snorted as he wrote down a new entry on your medication papers.

"Almost got a smile off you." You smiled at him, looking at the scars around his mouth. "I know you've been fine."

"I wouldn't say fine. Been in here most of my free time, looking after my girl." He looked at you, kindness in his eyes. "Been hard to focus knowing you're in here."

You melted at the fond term. His girl.

"Not that you really needed looking after though," He tipped back in his chair, arms crossed against his chest. "You're tough as nails. You're used to this shit."

"Nobody gets used to being tortured though." You winced at the feeling of your heavily injured lower legs dragging against the bed as you moved to sit up further. The scabs had started to form, and god were they itching. They'd put your right leg in a splint, as well as 3 of the fingers on your left hand. Instead of ripping out nails, they broke fingers. Instead of gouging your eyes, they burnt, cut and broke your legs. Your back and chest ached something fierce, and there was a strange feeling in your insides. Your throat felt raw and bruised, you knew why, and it broke you.

"That's for sure." Simon sighed, almost feeling his ribs shift as he moved. "I'm sorry this happened, love."

"I'll be alright." You said matter-of-factly, there was no point throwing your toys out of the pram over something that was in the past. All you could do now, was get better and move along. "I didn't get into this team if I couldn't take a beating."

"L/N." You heard a voice call for you as the door to the ward opened.

Captain Price approached your bed, nodding in acknowledgement to ghost at your bedside. "He been taking care of you, has he? Must've been really playing doctor to forget the strict orders to inform me should you have woken up."

"Sorry sir."

"L/N... Good to see you awake. Been waiting with baited breath to see how you were." The captain stood infront of your bed with his arms crossed over his tac vest. You could smell the remnants of a recent smoke on him.

"All good here, Captain." You spoke to him in the usual respectful manner. Not too much to be an asslicker, not so little that it would seem insubordinate. "When am I out of here?"

"Nice enthusiasm, Y/N, however," He saved first-name-basis for his most valued soldiers. You were no exception. "Pending a doctor's review, you'll be on a flight home by tomorrow morning for medical leave."

"Sir, please," your heart sank. After all of this; you had to go home alone. Home to your shitty one bedroom in the middle of a grey town, and leave Simon. Leave him in the middle of nowhere. You wanted him. You needed his company, "I'm fine really, I can stay here and fight-"

"No you bloody well can't." Price's tone grew stern, like a father telling off his teenager for sneaking out. "You'll listen to your superiors, and take your medical leave."

"Yes sir." You conceded.

"If you go to physio, as well as therapy, see your doctors and look after yourself, you'll be back in seven months." Price said, gentler than before. "It's not long. Might even be sooner. You can't be on active duty in a condition like that, much less on 141."

"Understood, Captain." Your voice was almost blank as you settled into the idea of seven months off. Seven months would feel like a lifetime.

"I'll look forward to having you back, F/N L/N. Recover well, soldier." Price handed you the papers that arranged and outlined your leave, along with a pen. "You know where to sign. Leave it here. The doctors will pick it up and file it properly."

You hadn't even realised that the captain had left you both, when Simon leaned over and planted a small kiss to your forehead. "I'll file for leave. I never use mine anyway. I'll be a few weeks behind you, and I'll only really get a week off, but it will work."

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't know what else I'd end up doing. I want to be with you. Make sure my girl's okay. Do your shopping and make you food. Take you to a few appointments, that kind of thing." Simon sighed as he looked at you. "We can talk about it properly when you're ready, love."

"I love you." You mumbled.

"You'll be okay." Simon Riley's awkward and afraid version of 'I love you too.'

[queerdeerskates]

Skating Journal: Day 16

My work schedule is super weird this week, but it worked out because I had the chance to go skating this morning before the rain started! I tightened all my trucks a quarter-turn from where they were when I bought them. This helped a lot, but it still wasn't perfect. I've read that Beach Bunnies tend to be pretty inflexible as things go, so maybe some of the instability I'm feeling is discomfort with how movable my skates are, in addition to muscle memory stuff. It's a little frustrating because I want to progress with my skill development (and I definitely needed to upgrade my skates to do that), but I feel like I need to relearn the basics all over again. The thought that I did have some relearning to do occurred to me today, and while it is frustrating, it's at least a more helpful framing than "Why am I so wobbly on these skates? Oh no! Did I get the wrong ones?" and so on. I spent a lot of today's session focusing on weight transfer and other simple stuff like that. The good news is I can turn without issue. I still have some work to do on things like crossovers - basically I'm able to ride my momentum and turn without lifting my legs or building speed. It's a step up from what my bunnies could do, but there are still a lot of skills to learn. I'm trying to get better at scissors in the hopes that that skill will transfer to crossovers eventually. I'm having a slightly better time with them - I'm able to transfer my weight to my front leg, pick up what had been my back leg, and set it back down as my new front leg. This helps me maintain momentum, but I should watch a video or two and make sure I'm using proper form. Speaking of proper form, I learned that that toe-kick thing I though was wrong for transitions was actually right for them! Dirty Deb has a great video explaining all the mechanics of transitions. I'm trying to master them, because I think they're going to be the key to a lot of progress I want to make (turn-around stops being the main one). I keep trying to transition only with my legs, instead of turning my head to open up my shoulders and hips. It's scary to turn and look behind myself while I'm skating! I've found myself watching my feet a lot more recently, and I need to stop that. I used to wear a mask to skate outside, but the last few sessions I haven't because it's gotten warm and humid and when I wear a mask on top of that I feel like I'm breathing water... But the shape of it kept me from watching my feet, so maybe I should get back to it. Even when I was turning my head and shoulders to transition, I was missing Dirty Deb's point about lifting your hip. I need to remember that. It's happened a couple times that I've put my foot down when it was perpendicular to my movement, which caused me to fall - I had a pretty bad fall today, landing pretty painfully on my hip. I managed to avoid my tailbone, but it scared me enough that I didn't try transitioning again afterwards. It's kind of a vicious cycle because being scared makes me not want to fully commit to the transition, and not fully committing makes me do it wrong, which makes me fall, which makes me scared... ugh. It's hard not to feel like I'm hitting an eternal plateau, but I know that in a few months this will become second nature. I feel so jealous when I watch experienced skaters make things look so easy, but I'm trying to keep the mindset of "I can get there, too" instead of "They're so much better than I'll ever be." I didn't try any more transitions after that bad fall, but I did tighten up my laces and keep skating. I was only out for around half an hour today (combination of getting hungry/spooked by that fall/wanted to make sure I got back in time for work) but after falling I spent some time just focusing on my strides. I'd gotten pretty good at basic motions in my Bunnies but I'm struggling with them in these new skates, so it was nice to just focus on getting my basics on lock. I am seeing some improvement there, which is encouraging. I'm still working on the

best way to lace these boots. I'm waiting for them to fully break in around my pinkie toes and I've tried a couple different lacing methods already. This morning I was getting some cramping in one of my arches, which is kind of just a normal thing for me, but also can happen if your foot is trying to "grip" your skate due to improper lacing. It's important to keep my laces nice and tight over my insteps, and tightening them in that area helped out a lot this morning. I was not only more comfortable afterwards but more stable overall. I'm happy to be in these (fitting, flexible) skates over my Bunnies - I couldn't ever get those tight enough. I nearly tore one of the laces trying to, lol. The other thing I'm worried about in my right foot is that I put it down funny when I was trying to do a transition in my living room the other day, and now I've got some pain in that ankle. I've twisted my ankles plenty of times, and I don't think this is a particularly bad one, but it's a bit of a bummer. I've been working my way through the latter half of COUNTER/WEIGHT during my skate sessions. I felt pretty shaken after falling down, but I felt better when I got to listen to one of my favorite scenes in the whole podcast (the introduction of Lazer Ted). I was fully just cracking up in the park when I was putting my stuff away to go home. I really enjoy podcasts - especially Friends at the Table - but I need to have something else to do in order to stay engaged with an audio-only format. I'm happy that skating is working as that activity! My new laces and toe guards arrived in the mail today, which completes my look for my Zones!! After work I got the toe guards on and the laces done up and they look SO good. (Photo will be in its own post momentarily.) In fact, they looked so good I just had to go out skating again to show them off!

When I got to the park there were already a couple people roller skating, which was really exciting! There was a person who'd been skating for a couple of years already, and their friend who had just started. They didn't mind sharing their portion of the patio with me, so we all skated together. It was really neat being able to watch someone more advanced than me (and I had a bit of fun showing off for the newer person). I didn't try anything I wasn't already comfortable with - I wanted to look cool in front of my new acquaintances - but I had a really good time working my strides, bubbles, sticky skating, and turns. I also felt a lot better than I did this morning. Maybe it was because I'd actually eaten something, or because I had people to hang out with, or maybe my new look was just giving me some confidence! Whatever the case, I'm really glad I went out a second time.

While I was packing my stuff up, a family showed up in the gazebo to have a picnic dinner. They had three little kids who kept looking over at me. I asked if they were having a picnic and they all said "Yeah!" in really excited voices, which was so adorable.

I'm glad I got to have a really good skating session today, because I've been a little low on confidence recently. I think it will be a day or two before I can skate again, but I'm so excited!