#not to be that guy that just posts a screenshot from reddit but I chuckled at this so hard and I want other people the opportunity to see i

[piglii]

r/worldbuilding has a post that just knocks it out of the park for me like once every month or two

[doggirlswag]

social media hcs for dol’s love interests :D

alex

doesn’t have time for that. farm work is hard work!

while they do have a laptop, they don’t really use it outside of business. sometimes they’ll play peggle.

if they’re not on a call, they might play a youtube video in the background. something light, funny, and undemanding to take the pressure off

i think alex likes old people memes. the shit your grandparents post on facebook would make them chuckle

keeps up with family through calls, but they’ll log into their facebook from like... 2012 to set up reunions. their profile picture hasn’t changed since they made it.

avery

linkedin. maybe facebook. if they have a twitter they’re verified but have only made like one or two posts.

unless it’s for networking, it’s kind of a waste of time, and they value their time very highly

does occasionally use reddit though. has definitely given financial advice and capped their post off with “this is not financial advice” as though that means fucking anything

actually now that i think about it they definitely have an instagram just to show off. if somebody shows up to a meeting with a new watch they post a picture with a nicer model the next day.

eden

haha.

if they had electricity, wi-fi, and a phone, maybe they would listen to podcasts?

if they really need to know something and they don’t have a book on it, they’ll go to the library. even then they’d flip through like every encyclopedia before asking a librarian how to get on the computers.

kylar

4chumblr lovechild that 2013 dreamed of.

has about 10 burner emails at any given time

an active member on a bunch of niche forums. like ‘the one guy who photoshopped his dick green on a futurama forum’ level niche.

they used to be a VERY active roleplayer. i think they have a bunch of warrior cats ocs.

has a very strong opinion on reddit. whether it’s positive or negative is up to you :)

kylar misses the early internet and they refuse to install windows 10.

they’ve made themself & the pc in every game possible. their sims folder is massive and their screenshot folder is even bigger.

they are on so many blocklists.

robin

uses instagram like people did in 2012. heavy editing, food + animal pictures, a few too many hashtags.

has a twitch regardless of confidence level. would start streaming with encouragement from the pc, probably.

they wouldn’t get that popular, but they’d like a smaller community more anyways.

the first time they got fan art they were a blubbering mess. everything someone’s drawn for them has been printed out and taped to their walls.

sydney

syd has pinterest and a studyblr.

their blog updates inconsistently but is INCREDIBLY organized.

i think they’ve made like five of those masterposts that everybody saved but never ever used.

post-corruption sydney is a menace. still painstakingly organized but a bit less active on their main accounts. they’ve moved to twitter.

might have accidentally cyberbullied kylar. they made a callout post about it but sydney couldn’t see it because kylar immediately blocked them.

whitney

everybody who follows whitney either has post notifications on or has them muted.

on one hand it’s really funny to see the dumb shit they get up to. on the other hand there is so much dumb shit.

uses a lot of emojis and hashtags ‘‘ironically’’. definitely the most up-to-date on what’s based and cringe, anyways.

they don’t use tumblr (not since the porn ban), but if they did they would have sent hate to everyone else on this list.

the great hawk and black wolf don’t have opposable thumbs.

[yukheii]

— rocket.

+ genre and warnings :: med student namjoon + med student reader, not that this drabble contains an overwhelming amount of references to med school but allow me to be self indulgent for a little while, fluff, yoongi is namjoon’s annoying best friend but wbk

+ notes :: idk if you guys have seen that reddit post that’s been going around about this guy talking about his girlfriend washing his hair for the first time but it was really cute and he sounded so happy and in love and it reminded me a lot of joon, so i decided to write this! 

+ side notes :: i can’t find the actual screenshot/post i’m talking about but if i do, i’ll try to add a link later to post it on my blog :’). also i swear yoongi isn’t a pothead okay

Yoongi can’t say he immediately noticed the pep in Namjoon’s step as soon as the taller boy walked into the café, but what he does notice is the dimpled grin and starry eyed gaze that grace his features throughout their conversation. And while Yoongi considers himself to be relatively attractive, he doubts the literal heart eyes being thrown his way are for him.

“Joon? Namjoon? Joon, are you good?” Yoongi asks, a dark eyebrow raised above his left eye. It takes three calls of his name for the younger boy to wake from his trance, looking up at Yoongi with that same, longing smile.

“Yeah,” he sighs, something reminiscent of a lovelorn cartoon prince when he rests his elbow on the table and his chin in the palm of his hand, “I’m good.”

Yoongi shifts a bit in his seat, but Namjoon’s eyes don’t follow; his brown irises stay trained center ahead of him. Yoongi turns his head to the right, looking for the object of Namjoon’s gaze, but is met only with the chipped, brown wood of the café’s booth.

Slowly, Yoongi leans forward, eyebrows pinched and lips pursed, “Joon, are you stoned right now?”

“What? No, I’m not high, Yoon, what the fuck?”

Yoongi simply shrugs, leaning back into the leather seat, “I don’t know, yesterday you were so stressed about your acrobatic salt cycle samples—”

“—it’s acetylsalicylic acid.”

“—and now you look mellow as fuck. Just thought maybe you rolled a good joint or something—not that I’m judging, of course, you could probably use some—”

“I didn’t smoke anything, hyung, Christ,” Namjoon sighs.

“Wouldn’t be so bad if you did. Seriously, sometimes you need a good—”

“Do you know what the half life of cannabis is? Up to ten days, Yoongi. That means that ten days—”

“—From after the time you smoke half of the weed could still be in your body,” Yoongi recites monotonously, “I know, Joon.”

Namjoon retreats with a satisfied grin, met with an unenthusiastic roll of Yoongi’s eyes. “Well, then what’s got your head in the clouds?”

Namjoon shifts in his seat now, pulling his hands off of the table into his lap. Yoongi’s suspicious brow is heightened again when he sees the faint blush dust over his friend’s cheek.

“_______ and I showered together last night,” he finally blurts.

“Oh, so you got laid—”

“—no, no, it wasn’t like that, nothing sexual happened,” he clarifies, continuing, the red on his cheek becoming more prominent with every word that spills out of his mouth, “She washed my hair. I know, that sounds dumb, but it was so... surreal?”

Yoongi should have suspected you had something to do with cheek to cheek grin on Namjoon’s face. Namjoon didn’t talk about his private life often; their conversations revolving around school, work, a mutual love for music, and occasional plans to get beers together. 

Rarely ever did the younger delve into his personal life; never about his familial life, but Namjoon didn’t need to say it for Yoongi to hear it.

So, instead of giving him the side eye and sarcastic comments one Jeon Jeongguk would be on the receiving end of at the topic of his girlfriend, Yoongi nods, and encourages Namjoon to continue. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, it was so—just, nice and relaxing, hyung. We don’t usually shower together, but this time we did and I was about to grab the shampoo myself, but then she took it from me and just did it herself. It felt so good, I felt like I was floating—like all the bullshit from school and home just melted away. I was beginning to think the stress was just going to perpetuate throughout midterms, you know? But last night she just hummed and washed my hair for like five minutes and I felt like it was all gone.”

Yoongi doesn’t stop the small smile from growing on his face; and he doubts Namjoon understands the depths of his newfound romantic bliss. 

“It’s crazy, all she did was wash my hair, but I’m so happy? She was so gentle and she did it like it was normal, like an every day thing between two people—I swear, I almost cried right there. It was just… I don’t know, it just felt good. Made me happy.”

Yoongi chuckles into his words, “You really love her, don’t you?”

“Yeah… I think I do.”

Three days later, Namjoon finds himself alone on your bed, stomach to the mattress, ignoring the nomenclature review in front of him in favor of aimlessly looking around your room. 

He notices things he hadn’t before. The small strip of images of the two of you in a clear mason jar, amongst other photos of you and your friends. The pens and pencils that the adjacent jar; two pencils stick out to him—they’re unsharpened, completely untouched, actually—and at the top, below the metal that holds the eraser at your initials and his.

When he looked over to your closet, he wasn’t surprised to find two of his hoodies, and his missing rugby shirt with the university’s crest embedded in the sleeve; what surprised him was that they were all next to each other, separated only by a hanger with your belts from the rest of your clothing. They were reserved, like they were special amongst the other fabric in your closet.

He notices the way his sweats and pajamas have their own drawer to themselves in your dresser, the way your fridge is stocked with a few of those probiotic smoothies you hate but he loves, the way his baseball cap sits among your other headwear like they just belong. Like Namjoon belongs.

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t register the sound of the door closing, or your footsteps growing louder; doesn’t register any sounds of you coming home until you’re shaking your bag off of your elbow.

“Hey, Joon,” you greet, and something about the way you don’t make a point of him being in your bed makes his stomach flutter.

“Hi,” he smiles, a stupidly fond look in his eyes as he watches you unpack the contents of your purse and shimmy your sweater off of your shoulders.

He shifts to sit upwards on the mattress, long legs dangling off the edge of your bed. He eyes your silhouette, admiring the hollows and convexes of your figure while you take off your earrings, and the tiny, silver ring on your index finger.

When you’re finished you greet him for a second time, walking to the center edge of the mattress. Namjoon lets you perch your weight on his thighs, mindlessly securing both arms around your waist while your fingers crawl up the nape of neck and into his scalp.

“Your hair’s dry,” you comment, tilting your head to press your lips against his softly, “You didn’t shower yet?”

He shakes his head, craning his neck downwards to tuck the cold tip of his nose into your collar, and mumbles faint words into your skin, “Was waiting for you.”

“Yeah?” your syllables come out in chuckles, laughter heightened as Namjoon tickles his eyelashes against your skin, and rake your fingers through his hair gently, “That gonna be a regular thing, now?”

“Wouldn’t mind,” he confesses, words hardly audible in the cook of your neck. He tries his hand at tickling you again, but this time, you move out of his reach, standing to your own two feet, a single hand extended forward.

“Well then, come on. I bought two new loofahs today.”

He follows with a smile, giggling all the way to the shower. He relishes in the feeling of your fingertips against his scalp, doesn’t bat an eye as you mold his hair into a bubbly mohawk with far too much shampoo. It’s so mundane, so simple, yet so intimate, and it fills him to the brim with emotions he can’t hope to convey with words. 

And when you’re finished rinsing his hair, you take your body wash on the ball of his new loofah and scrub away at his back, down his shoulders, across his torso; eventually, you abandon the sponge all together in favor of making his body sudsy with your own pressed against his, Namjoon can’t stop the tears falling from his eyes.

He realizes it must look bizarre to you, to be crying amongst the giggling and bubble beards, but he can’t help himself.

“Joon? Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he assures you, sniffling away anymore tears that threaten to fall, “You’re just… I don’t know. You make me happy, love.”

“You make me happy, too, Joon,” you reply with a smile.

You spend nearly five minutes like that, your arms wrapped around each other with water pouring over your naked skin. With every shallow kiss you press into his chest, Namjoon feels his heart physically swell; and it’s on the tenth, quiet press of your lips to skin that he lets himself let go. 

“I love you,” he finally confesses, with wet hair stuck to his forehead, and teary eyes.

“I know, baby,” you smile, kissing his chin, then on your tippie toes, his lips, “I love you more.”

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Jokey Tinder profiles are ruining the internet (and online dating, for that matter)

It’s Viral Market Crash week on Mashable. Join us as we take stock of the viral economy and investigate how the internet morphed from a fun free-for-all to a bleak hellscape we just can’t quit.

I remember the halcyon days of the internet when jokey Tinder profiles elicited a genuine chuckle. 

Those days are long gone. 

Six years after Tinder first launched, the internet is flooded with people's thinly veiled attempts to achieve viral fame through their, let's be honest, mildly-amusing-at-best Tinder profiles.

Back when Tinder was still a relatively newfangled concept, we hopeful, hapless daters were getting to grips with the new app like toddlers trying to walk. Every once in a while, someone's earnest attempt to make themselves stand out from the crowd on the app would be shared into our feeds or timelines, inviting the mirth of fellow internetters. But, somewhere along the way, something changed. And, not for the better. 

Around 2014 — two years after Tinder's launch in 2012 — accounts and subreddits dedicated to Tinder-related content began popping up. Instagram accounts like Tinder Nightmares (which has 1.9 million followers) and Tinder Convos (138,000 followers) would share people's amusingly awkward exchanges between swipers. The birth of r/tinder (a community that now has 1.1 million users) three years ago opened up a space where things other than just conversations could be shared, upvoted, and — if funny enough — turned into viral news stories by online media outlets. 

r/Tinder

Image: reddit / mashable

One thing was clear: swipers were onto the internet's appetite for lol-worthy messaging fails and jokey dating profiles. For those searching for viral internet fame, they were just one witty bio away from getting a shit ton of followers — a highly prized currency in the internet economy.  

SEE ALSO: How one company reshaped — and kind of ruined — the viral video landscape

Over the course of the next four years, the internet became increasingly more saturated with jokey Tinder profiles. Now, on any given day, if you were to venture down the rabbit hole of r/tinder, you'll see a glut of screenshots of clever profile bios, funny profile pics, creative icebreakers, and screenshots of full-on conversations. Shoulder to shoulder, these Redditors vie for the internet's attention. 

Mark Brill, senior lecturer in Future Media and Digital Communication at Birmingham City University, says that Tinder and other dating apps are just the latest trend in the industry of going viral (or attempting to, at least). 

"Tinder is the current popular choice, but we've seen other ones before that," says Brill. "People were attempting it before with cat gifs previously." Not only are we reaching saturation point with Tinder-related viral content, Brill believes we're also "saturated with people wanting to go viral" — be they individuals or brands. 

Brill thinks that the reason behind the rise of viral Tinder profiles might not always be caused by people's aspirations of viral fame. "Tinder is where a lot of people, particularly younger people, are spending their time," says Brill. It's natural, therefore, that a platform full of young sociable people would give rise to humorous content. 

Life after going viral 

Now, of course, not every single person whose dating profile goes viral is on some quest to find fame. Some are genuinely looking for love, or the odd bit of lust, or even just to make people laugh. In some cases, people unwittingly become viral sensations when strangers tweet out screenshots of their profiles (usually without their consent). In the case of Sam Dixey, a university student who wanted to make his dating profile stand out, this is precisely what happened. 

"Me and a friend decided to make our profiles stand out a little bit with some humour and decided to style them as a PowerPoint presentation," Dixey told Mashable. "Then while I was out playing football it turned out someone who'd come across my profile had screenshotted it and put it on Twitter where it flew from several thousand likes/retweets to nearly 120,000 within a day or two!" 

Dixey's experience turned out to be positive. As planned, his jokey profile got him an increased number of matches after people recognised him from news stories they'd read online. "Everyone seemed to have kind things to say about about how they'd found it funny which was nice to hear," says Dixey. 

There's the odd happy ending too. Niket Biswas' first date after his Tinder profile went viral ended up being his last date. "She said she saw my profile, showed her friends (and mom, thought it was hilarious and after some playful text banter we met up later that night for palomas and totchos," says Biswas. "We've been dating since (we actually just got back from Greece) and are looking at one solid year later this month."

These two examples show that there are people who genuinely just want their profiles to stand out among countless other faces. Not everyone lusts after viral fame. 

But for online daters looking for love, how can we tell the difference between the jokers who just want to date and the jokers who just want a fast-track to viral stardom? The difference isn't always immediately obvious to even the most discerning swipers. 

Be careful what you wish for 

For those who post their own profiles for all the internet to see, sometimes the consequences of going viral aren't quite as glorious as they imagined it to be. When Jesse Mills posted his nude Tinder stunt to r/tinder, he got to witness it blowing up first-hand. "Considering it's kinda NSFW, I was surprised it went as far as it did," says Mills. 

But, pretty much everyone in his rural community saw his photos. And, yes, that did make life a little bit awkward. "Outside of my dating life things were weird for a bit," says Mills. "I'd walk into the pharmacy and get an, 'Oh, look who decided to wear clothes today!' from behind the counter. Everyone I know saw it. My boss saw it." He's since moved to a city, but he does occasionally get comments like "you're remove a layer guy, right?" 

After so many years of profiles going viral, the novelty of the jokes has well and truly worn off — the bar for Tinder humour is pretty high and the chances of going viral are pretty low. The time has come for jokey dating profiles to become a thing of the past (unless you're just a really, really funny person who happens to be looking for love). 

Let's just channel all our energy into using dating apps what they're actually for — chatting to matches and going on dates. Find another route to viral superstardom. 

WATCH: We tested this device to see if it could actually help us find our friends — no matter how good they are at hiding