#not to mention gracy who suffers every day of her life

[heavenseed76]

Contentment

Rating:G

Fandom: The Walking Dead

Summary: Daryl saves Paul from certain death and some truths are revealed

Warnings: Mentions of blood, death, canon-typical violence

When mothers lift cars off their children it is not because their love or fear make them super strong. It is because adrenaline will make a person immune to the sensation of pain. Their muscles and tendons are often irreparably damaged. Human beings will tear themselves apart for the people they love. Daryl Dixon was no different.

He couldn’t recall how he was able to get to Michonne’s horse, nor how he hauled the limp form of his friend onto the horse with him. He was vaguely aware that he could hear Dog whimpering somewhere behind him, punctuating the sound of another horse beside him. In his arms, Paul Rovia, wrapped in a saddle blanket, armor long forgotten, slumped forward. Every few minutes Daryl could feel the man tense beneath his arm, locked as if it was welded across Paul’s chest. The man in his arms was in pain, barely breathing, but thankfully alive. Daryl couldn’t think beyond getting Paul back to Hilltop, to Enid, to safety.

Riding in the fog made a trip that would have taken eons stretch even further. There was no sense of distance, nothing to mark the passing of the miles. The trip, longer still holding his friend’s life in his hands, seemed like a dream: the ubiquitous nightmare where you try to reach someone at the end of a long path and the faster you run, the further away they become. With each gallop, Daryl could feel Paul’s life spilling out onto his chest, his arms, soaking the blanket he was wrapped in. He could feel the labored breath, deep pulls of air that went nowhere. At first Paul held on to Daryl’s arm as they rode, though they eventually fell away, too weak to hold on.

Through the fog, Daryl heard Aaron yelling for the sentries to open the gate at Hilltop before Daryl even saw the walls. Aaron kicked his horse into a sprint and easily passed Daryl’s horse. Seeing the end in sight, Daryl pressed his own heels into the flanks of the beast on which he rode and urged the animal to go faster. He followed Aaron straight to the medical trailer, where Enid and Alden were already helping him off his horse.

“No!” Aaron kept the wiggly bundle in his arms from slipping and motioned to Enid and Alden to help Daryl. “Get Jesus!” Without waiting for them to acknowledge him, Aaron rushed into the medical trailer.

Daryl brought his horse up short next to Aarons, and then there were too many hands, too many faces below him, pushing and pulling at Paul. At Enid’s insistence, her eyes full of dread and sympathy, Daryl broke the iron grip he had around Paul and let him slip gently into the waiting arms of Alden and Siddiq, who wasted no time making room for Henry and Kal to help carry his pale body into the trailer. He dismounted Michonne’s horse, letting someone with gentle hands take the reigns from him. He stood staring at the door, behind which two of the people he cared for most in the world could be dying, or worse, turning… Along with his beloved Dog.

He felt familiar hands on his arms, attempting to turn him aware from the trailer, and distantly heard soft words filter through the fog filling his mind, urging him to come away. Hot, angry tears spilled over and silently marked his blood-stained face and suddenly he was unable to catch his breath. He wanted to rush in and pull Paul back into his arms and never let go. If he died… If Paul turned… he needed to be there for that. But Aaron was in there, and he wanted to keep his friend from suffering that end alone.

“Daryl, come get cleaned up.” Carol’s voice was a solid mass he could anchor himself to, as his grief threatened to let him float away like ashes. He started to let her lead him into Barrington House, when Aaron came through the trailer door.

Eyes red, brows pulled in to etch lines of worry into his forehead, Aaron quickly made his way to Daryl.

“Dog’s gonna be OK. Paul…” Aaron’s voice wavered, but he swallowed and carried on. “Paul’s fighting. His lung collapsed and he lost a lot of blood.” Without warning Daryl pulled his friend into his arms, and with a sob he had been holding in the entire journey, Aaron hugged him back, fingers fisting in the worn leather of his vest. Watching them, the lump in Carol’s throat grew, and she had to cover her mouth with both hands to keep her cry from tearing a hole in the comforting bubble the men had made.

***

The sun burned away the fog that had settled over Hilltop, and the morning promised a beautiful day ahead. At a picnic table near the medical trailer, Aaron and Daryl sat vigil, their backs against the edge of the table top. Aaron absently cleaned his prosthetic arm with a rusty can of WD40 and a ragged bandana he kept for the express purpose. Like the Tin Man. Daryl thought. They were both clean, in clothes that didn’t smell like gore. Carol had not been able to coax either man into eating or trying to sleep.

“We’ve wasted so much time.” Aaron sighed and set the rag he’d been using aside. “This is a big damned wake-up call.” He was used to companionable silence with Daryl, used to holding up both ends of a conversation, so when Daryl didn’t respond, he just kept talking. “We’ve been lucky. To make it this long. But this world is still just as dangerous as it ever was. I feel so stupid…”

Daryl chewed his bottom lip, listening. He had been there when Aaron dove head first into being a father to Gracie, burying Eric’s death deep beneath the needs of a tiny, new being. It occupied his mind, it gave him an outlet for his affection and focused his energy. It did not, however, fill the gaping love-shaped void left when Eric’s corpse walked off into the woods. It was one of the many ways Daryl felt he had failed everyone in his life; it was one of the many reasons he walked off into the woods That Day, and didn’t look back. The seams holding his family together tore open That Day, and try as he might, he alone didn’t have the strength to stitch it back together. Neither did anyone else, apparently.

“I did it for you, you know.” Daryl said, his voice gravel in his throat.

Aaron turned his expressive blue eyes to Daryl’s, not having expected a two-way conversation. “Did what?”

Daryl looked away, unsure of himself. “Saved him. I know you two… I know he means a lot to you. I saw Dog attack that walker, and heard you yell, and I just, I don’t know man, I just couldn’t let him die…” Meeting Aaron’s eyes he said, “I didn’t want you to hurt no more.”

Something sparked in Aaron’s chest. Affection, love, gratitude… he didn’t know what or how many of those things he was feeling. He stared at Daryl for a long moment. There was only one thing he could think to say. “Thank you.” Aaron pressed infinitesimally closer into Daryl’s warm shoulder with his own.

Daryl nodded, glad he could make his friend smile, even if things didn’t turn out as well as they hoped. It had been hours, and except for Alden leaving to give Enid and Siddiq room to work, and getting Alex to come in to better assist, there had been little news of Paul’s welfare.

“I know you’ve been coming here to see him.” Daryl shifted nervously. “He make you happy?”

A man of few words, Daryl could say so much with so little effort. It took Aaron a moment to understand what Daryl was asking, and when the implication of the question hit him, he felt like he had been slapped. He scooted away from Daryl on the bench of the picnic table, so he could fully turn to face Daryl.

“You do know we’re just friends, right?” Aaron’s frown returned, and Daryl didn’t know how to respond. “We’re not… we’ve never… Jesus and I are good friends, that’s all.” Aaron watched confusion slide over the hunter’s face. If Paul weren’t dying behind the door of the medical trailer, Aaron may have laughed. “You know Jesus is… he’s in love with you!”

“No.” Daryl sat up taller, and Aaron could nearly see the walls being built around the other man.

“Yeah. He’s been in love with you since he brought you home from the Sanctuary! Daryl, how could you not know?”

The hunter stood, defiantly staring his friend down. “He don’t.” He tried to turn away, but Aaron was right there.

“He does. That’s what I meant! We all have to stop wasting time we might not have, Daryl!” Aaron grabbed Daryl’s bicep and swung around to face the stoic man. “I know you. I know you both. And if there’s anything I’m sure of, its that you two belong together. Even if I was interested, that man’s heart belongs to you!”

It was if the last brick fit into place in the fortress of Daryl’s heart. The realization that not only did Aaron see how he felt for Paul, but that Paul felt the same for him, and had made it a known fact. Overwhelmed with the severity of this revelation, Daryl’s dread swelled, and he felt as though all the oxygen had been sucked out of the world. The truth Aaron spoke filled his eyes with hot tears, of shame and joy and sickening worry. Seeing all this take shape in his friend, Aaron pulled him in for an awkward hug.

The harsh slap of the trailer door snapping closed brought the men up for air. Standing on the steps to the trailer was an exhausted Enid, covered in blood. Neither could move, holding their breath.

A smile bloomed on the woman’s face as she said simply, “He’ll be OK.”

***

In his own bed inside Barrington House, Paul Rovia looked smaller than Tara had ever seen him. The trip up the stairs and into the bed had worn him out, and he fell asleep almost immediately. He didn’t even flinch as she started a new IV in his hand. She watched him, his breath shallow and lips twisted in a pained expression. He was pale, his eyes sunken. Laying in his bed with only a bandage across his chest, his strong body laid bare and vulnerable, Tara took stock of all the things they would have lost if the man in front of her hadn’t made it home. Despite his reluctance, Paul was a good leader, and she tried every day to convince him of it. People loved and respected him because he was willing to go outside the walls and risk it all to strengthen them.

“How is he?” Daryl’s low rasp shook Tara from her reverie.

“Exhausted. He’s got some pain killers, so he’s comfortable enough to sleep.” Tara covered Paul in a thin blanket. “Come in. Sit. I’ll be back in a bit to check on him.” Sheepishly, Daryl entered the room, letting Tara give his arm and affectionate squeeze as she went past.

It had been several days since the cemetery, and Daryl had barely slept. Seeing Paul gravely injured had shifted something inside him, something Aaron had nudged to hang just the right way.

“Gonna keep watch on me?” Paul’s voice was just a whisper on his lips. He turned his palm up on the bed, an invitation.

Daryl sat on the edge of the bed, slipping his big hand into Paul’s smaller one. “Feelin OK?” He let his thumb caress the top of Paul’s hand.

Paul nodded, then winced, which Daryl caught even though he tried to hide it. “As long as I don’t move. Or breathe.” He gave a Daryl a thin smile. “You’re too far away.”

Daryl slipped off his boots and lay down beside Paul, mindful of the bandage across his chest. “This OK?”

Paul hummed affirmatively. His limbs were heavy, though he positioned himself close enough to lay he head on Daryl’s shoulder. He laced his fingers together with Daryl’s between their bodies. He could feel the other man relax against him, and if he hadn’t been so exhausted, Paul may have quipped at Daryl to make him blush.

“I’m sorry.” Daryl placed a firm, confident kiss on Paul’s forehead. “Wasted too many years. We have a chance now and I ain’t gonna fuck it up.” He reached over and felt the smooth skin of Paul’s temple with the back of his hand, reveling in the new-found ability to show his affection.

Paul took his hand, kissing the palm and then holding it to his chest, just above his bandage. “You better not. I love you, Daryl Dixon, but you know I will kick your ass.” Paul’s lips quirked up on one side and he peered at Daryl through heavy eyelids.

Daryl huffed a laugh and kissed Paul’s head again, snuggling into the warmth of the other man’s presence. They fell asleep, Paul holding Daryl’s hand to himself, so the hunter could feel every beat of his heart. That is where Dog found them, limping on a bandaged leg, letting Aaron help him into the bed to curl up at their feet, content.

[komatsunana]

My Reincarnation Isekai Villainess Rec List

So.  I’ve gone and found myself in Isekai/Reincarnation/Villainess hell.  For those who don’t know Isekai is a genre in which character(s) are transported to a different world.  Initially you might be thinking “oh, she’s gonna share a both a series like Sword Art Online.”  Oh no.  You have underestimated the amount of taste I have.  By which I mean I have none but that SOA is a taste I’m not here for.

Now a very specific sub-genre of that is the reincarnation one, particularly in which a character is reborn as a character from one of their favorite books or games from their previous, modern life.  An even more specific sub-genre of that one is in which the MC is reborn as a villainess from that book or game, thus creating a bit of a challenge as villainesses usually are destined to die in the source material. 

So! Here are my favorites, many of which are all 3 but some combine one or two of the above tropes.  It’s my list so I do what I want.  And most of my faves have a shojo genre tag, or at least a romance tag, because that’s where all the good stuff is: 

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Survive as the Hero’s Wife by Nokki

Canaria is reincarnated as the villainess of a popular cliche novel. Based on the novel, she is destined to be executed but can she prevent this from happening before it’s too late? 

Why *I* like it:  So this one was the one that really got me into the villainess reincarnation isekai genre!  And it remains the top of my list. The huge draw for me in this one is that I actually really like the main couple!  Like not even just lukewarm, I really like it!  I’d read fic for it, if that existed.  A lot of the villainess genre tend to portray the original heroine as vapid, unworthy of their status of heroine, or the actual villainess but in this case Gracie just turns out to be just an amazing strong woman who doesn’t actually need a man.  (In fact I ship the three together full stop tbh lol).  In fact, it’s a subplot that Gracie realizes (because of MC’s words) that if she wants to inherit her father’s title even though the law says a woman cannot... That she just should strive to change the law rather than be a tool with no use outside of marriage.   And not to spoil anything, but she will definitely do just that.

And since I’m mainly finishing the rough draft of this list out of absolute RAGE at being made fun of for being into this genre.... A compilation of the main love interest, Cesar, because he’s absolutely beautiful.  Look at those eyes!  He’s such a great example of the sullen, dark love interest because he’s not those things when he’s with his wife, the MC!!!  He’s so soft for her.  And the whole point is that the love interest shows a different side to their lover right??

And like the great thing is Canaria, the MC, totally doesn’t notice for the longest time.  She read the novel in her previous life so she’s *convinced* that one day Cesar will fall for the novel’s original leading woman, and she makes plans accordingly throughout their early days of their marriage.  She completely hadn’t thought about the fact that since she’s not being a villainess this time around and not abusing him and everyone around her, and makes friends with Cesar... Like of course the course of events change.  It utterly baffles Cesar when his wife keeps bringing up divorce because he’s so completely in love with her and you just gotta eat that shit up with a spoon because it’s so good and perfect drama but also funny.

There’s even a Halloween chapter where everyone wears costumes and basically I believe I was pandered to specifically.

Tbh, the arc going atm is sorta losing my interest but that’s because there’s political intrigue and I’m like just here for the romance lmao.  So someone looking for substance and not just fluff might be more pleased than I. But it’s still on-going so.  It’s just all in all a fun and great introduction to the genre imo.

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I Reincarnated into an Otome Game as a Villainess With Only Destruction Flags by Hidaka Nami (Art) and Yamaguchi Satoru (Story)

Eight-year-old Katarina Claes is the only daughter of a duke, living her life peacefully and without incident until she hits her head on a rock... and then remembers that she is not actually the duke's daughter. She used to be an otaku who died on her way to school after spending the entire previous night playing Fortune Lover, her favorite otome game. After noticing that her current surroundings seem oddly familiar, she is shocked to discover that she has been reincarnated into the world of Fortune Lover as the villainess.

The villainess in the game usually winds up dead or exiled, so Katarina decides to use her knowledge of the game and its routes to avoid any bad situations. But is it even possible for the villainess to reach a good ending?

Why *I* like it:  Ok ok ok, lol. So this one is probably one of the most well-known of the villainess reincarnation isekai genre atm!  Particularly because of the anime currently running.  And for good reason... the MC is so brilliantly stupid in the best of ways.  While she plots on how to escape her fate of being killed or exiled by learning to sword fight and how to garden, she’s more or less seduced every capture target in this dating game... AND all the female rivals to boot AND heroine.  The thing is that she is completely unaware and continues training for the day she is inevitably killed or exiled, as per the game’s original ending.

It’s just a silly, fun series and all the women’s feelings for her are taken about as seriously as all the guys’... Which isn’t much because absolutely no one really has a chance of getting this woman to understand they are all madly in love with her.  Not a series to take seriously which is part of it’s charm, but it retains a lot of heart especially when it comes to the MC Katarina (affectionally called Bakarina by fandom) remembering her friend and family from her past life.  

This series also has a manga spin-off about what if she’d been reincarnated while already in high school and bullying the heroine instead of a child... So basically she’s in hard mode, and yet she still succeeds in getting even more people into her little harem she has for herself.  

Whether you chose to watch the anime or the manga (or the LN, which I haven’t got to) you can’t go wrong.

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It Seems Like I Got Reincarnated Into The World of a Yandere Otome Game by  Hanaki, Momiji (Story) and Setsuri (Art)

As a precocious child, Lycoris suffers from a strange sense of deja vu. On the day her father told her about her fiancé, she realizes that her fiancé was a character from an otome game she once played in a previous life.

“I am the heroine’s rival from the game?

And in the bad ending, I get stabbed to death?

What a joke.”

A story in which the protagonist is determined to avoid a yandere situation.

Why *I* like it: Hear me out! I know what you’re thinking... Yanderes??? But here’s the thing...  Just by the MC being kind and getting 2 of the “yandere” characters out of abusive environments, they no longer end up as yanderes as they grow up.   They aren’t those tropes any more!  While the characters remain protective, they aren’t possessive and are happy to see MC branch out, if a little lonely.  And the yandere that remain aren’t treated as hot, but annoying.   So like sorry to disappoint if you think yanderes are hot but this isn’t the series for you.

Additionally, unlike other series of this trope, the MC is pretty quick to realize she just needs to trust her lover, that he will not turn on her and kill her as he did in the game nor will he fall for the heroine instead of her.  It’s somewhat refreshing, as a huge part of the trope is the MC typically doesn’t realize until it’s spelled out that by not acting as a villain.... the rest of the characters don’t want to harm them... And might even have fallen in love with them.

Another fun aspect is how MC doesn’t remember things immediately, but only remembers things from her past life (and of how the game went) until it comes up.  Additionally, she wonders some interesting things that aren’t even mentioned in other series like... What if she’s destined to be exactly like the game character? Will she be forced to be exactly like her? It’s a fun exploration of some common reincarnation isekai villainess tropes if you have experience with the genre!

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Ascendance of a Bookworm by Shiina You (Art) and Kazuki Miya (Story)

A book-loving student and soon to be librarian ends up crushed to death by the pile of books during an earthquakes and wakes up as a five year old girl named Main in another world where books are scarce only available to the elite.  Main, retaining her memories of her past life, decides to create and print her own books so she can read again.

Why *I* like it:  So here is we depart from solely the villainess sub-genre (but only briefly!)  Because there is another sub-genre of reincarnation isekai and that’s in which the MC uses the things they learned on our planet earth to re-invent things like shampoo and the printing press.  And no other isekai does it better than Ascendance of a Bookworm imo. Main’s love for books leads her to recreating things she took for granted on Earth and starts selling them from a young age... Which might just end up saving her life as she ends up having a terminal disease that ordinarily she’d only be able to survive by being a slave to a noble... But by selling her products she has a chance to save herself!!!  And the products she creates are available to commoners, not just the nobles who of course make it impossible for the poor to have nice things.

Additionally, a majority of this trope centers around nobles and royalty (and all the best ones are historical settings)... The fun thing about this one is that it actually centers around a povert stricken family.  It’s a good break from the noble hierarchy within most isekai.

Finally, this series is the one that hits most closely to my feelings if I were to be reincarnated in another world... Which is to cry at the realization that I will never finish any of the on-going books and manga I had going on.  That’s absolute hell, I don’t know how any of these MCs deal!! ;_;

btw there is an anime and manga both. Also LN but tbh almost all of these have LN.

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Isekai Omotenashi Gohan by  Shinobumaru (Story) and Medamayaki (Art) 

Akane, an ordinary office lady, gets summoned to a different world along with her younger sister and pet dog. There, she ends up treating rare guests one after another with hospitality through meals!! Can she satisfy the citizens of a different world with home cooking...?! 

Why *I* like it:   Continuing our brief deviation from the villainess trope, Isekai Omotenashi Gohan is my favorite example of another subgenre of isekai - one without reincarnation - but one in which a “hero” is transmigrated to another world to save it... The problem? Oppsie, 2 people were taken.  Sometimes in this sub-genre there is a question who the true savior is but in Isekai Omotenashi Gohan’s case they figure that out pretty quickly.  They quickly figure out the MC’s younger sister is the savior.  At first the older sister (Akane) is set aside as unimportant... But her sister only wants to eat the food her sister makes and it quickly becomes obvious that Akane’s role is important.

Akane makes lots of allies and friends by sharing the food from Japan and of course has a very subtle romance going on with her guard.  But honestly I just enjoy this series as a person that likes food manga, like that’s it lmao, so much so that don’t be surprised when I make a best food manga list and yeah sorry Food Wars won’t be on it.

But fr, even if you don’t love the food manga genre try it!! It’s a sweet series and mixes domestic with fantasy in a great way.  Plus only a few series are complete, with the rest being on-going, so if you want a complete and finished series try this one!

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The Duke's Fiancee, Why She Had to Go to the Duke by Milcha (Story) and Golae (Art)

When Park Eunha dies in modern-day Korea, she awakens in the body of Raeliana McMillan, the eldest daughter of a nouveaux riche baron. However, this is no ordinary world; it's the exact same one as a novel she once read. Beloved by her family, it would seem as though she is in a fairy tale. But Raeliana is far from the main character—she is a mere plot device, whose murder at the hands of her fiancé instigates the entire story.

Raeliana has no intention to accept her fate quietly. She sets her eyes on someone in a position of great power—the vieux riche male protagonist Duke Noah Volstaire Wynknight—aiming to completely change the original story. Using her knowledge of future events, Raeliana offers information to Noah on the condition that he acts as her fake fiancé, but the Duke's two-faced nature throws a wrench in her plans! 

Why *I* like it:  This one is a fun one!! It really plays with different concepts that don’t often get explored in reincarnation isekai like where did the original consciousness of the character the MC became go??? Because MC only remembers her life on earth and is otherwise treated as though she has amnesia.... But is it amnesia?  Is she another person entirely?

Also the humor is... great.  Listen I refuse to give the best joke in the series just to make you read it but... the series is worth it just for this running joke.

Of course the romance is good too. The dude is kinda an asshole but she gives as good as he dishes out and it quickly becomes flirting anyway.  I don’t want to say too much and give any thing away... but s’good!

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Who Made Me a Princess? by Plutus (Story) and Spoon (Art)

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

Why *I* like it:  Ok, big sigh.  How do I explain the pull ‘Who Made Me A Princess?’ has on me?  Now a lot of the pull for many people is how cute the budding father daughter relationship the MC (Athy) has with her dad.  But like, her dad is the worst and I want to fight him.  On the other hand, most of the fandom hates Jeanette, the MC’s sister who has done literally nothing wrong except make everyone around her miserable but it’s not her fault ok, and I’ll fight the entire fandom in her honor.  So it pains me to rec this series knowing that more than likely anyone who picks up this series because of me might have Wrong Opinions and I invite you to tell me just so I can shake my head about another wrong person existing in this world.

Never the less, this series is very cute!  All the other series I have recced had the MC remember their past life at early childhood at the earliest, if not as a teenager.  Athy? She has the misfortune to remember as a *baby* and it’s exactly as hellish as it sounds for an adult to be stuck growing up as a baby and suffer through the absolute embarrassment of having people feed and wipe her ass. 

The MC was an orphan in her previous life and the book that she wakes up in is a shitty book even by her standards but then she really only skimmed it it sounds like that’s what interests me.  As Athy makes changes to the original events of the novel and depth is added to the world, I start to wonder if the added depth was in the original novel or if the world had to add its own depth to stand as an actual lived in world?

Additionally, since I made the cover image Athy and her dad you might as well see her with her 2 love interests (and Jeanette!).  People need to know who to ship, I get it.

Also I need a moment to appreciate, up close, the beauty of Athy’s eyes. So gorgeous. 

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Living as the Tyrant’s Older Sister by Aperta (Story) and Chyobab (Art)

When I opened my eyes, I was inside a fantasy novel world! The beauty I see in front of the mirror is the future tyrant’s older sister, Alicia! She’s not even a protagonist or an antagonist, but a character that doesn’t appear much and gets beheaded by the (upcoming) tyrant little brother. My life is all about escaping that fate from the novel. In the end, I seduced the male lead’s merchant friend who also doesn’t appear much and was about to leave the country with him. How-e-ver. The face of the man who spent the night with me was extraordinary, and was the male lead himself!

Why *I* like it:   ……………...keke. Ok so this one is one I like just for the laughs.  The love interest is an arrogant asshole, but see… The important detail the summary leaves out is that the MC’s… cousin (?) wrote the book that she woke up in!  Moreover she’s the one that told her cousin to change the MC of her novel and make him good at everything and also make him a freak in the sack.  Like who is really at fault here??? Lmao.  Especially when she goes out intending to seduce a character she remembers being rich from the novel and accidentally bags the MC from the novel, aka the dude who kills her and her brother in the original novel.

In seriousness though, it really is funny.  The facial expressions of the MC is just… chefs kiss.  She’s got a pretty face but then she makes all these goof ass faces and I love it.  If you need any more reason to at least give it a go, just know that at one point the male lead comes to check on her, expecting to find her crying and instead…. Walks in just as she screams FUCK at the top of her lungs and then begins a tirade of very creative curses including "Bitch oompa loompa ass bitch" which how can you not love her?  Anyway the face the male lead makes after that has me maintaining that’s the moment he fell in love with her lmao.. but this is not Confirmed so it’s not a spoiler!!

EDIT: as of August 2020, I’ve since dropped this series. It remains on the list since I’d still rec it to people looking for a laugh.

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Seduce the Villain’s Father by bia and dalseul

Upon opening my eyes after a bus accident, I found myself in the fantasy world of a webnovel I enjoyed reading... the only catch is, I reincarnated 20 years before the novel begins! Reborn as Princess Yerenica of the small Lebovny kingdom, I'm determined to change the future in order to prevent the series of unfortunate events that will soon occur!

Why *I* like it:   How many times have you yourself had a suuuuuper side character be your favorite in a series and be depressed to see them done dirty?  Well MC has a chance to fix that, to save a character that basically one appeared in prologue and basically prevent the birth of the villain character that later kills his own father… by seducing his dad, before he can marry the villainess!!

Yerenica is just adorable in her attempts to thwart the original novel.  And like, I have to give her lots of respect for seeing the villainess character and having herself a good moment where she had to consider seducing her instead lmao.  She knows when to let well enough alone though so she immediately boards back on the dad train, much to his chagrin because she keeps calling him father……………….. Even though he’s like…. Not a dad yet.

The characters are still relatively early on in their romance, but I have high hopes for it yet!

Edit: As of August 2020, I’ve dropped this series.  It remains on this list because I think it’s a cute series and I think anyone who feels really strongly about the main couple will enjoy it.

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Death Is the Only Ending For The Villainess by Gwon Gyeoeul and SUOL

Penelope Eckart reincarnated as the adopted daughter of Duke Eckart and the villainess of a reverse harem dating sim. The problem is, she entered the game at its hardest difficulty, and no matter what she does, death awaits her at every ending! Before the "real daughter" of Duke Eckart appears, she must choose one of the male leads and reach a happy ending in order to survive. But the two brothers always pick a fight with her over every little thing, as well as a crazy crown prince, whose routes all lead to death. There's even a magician who's enamoured with the female lead, and a loyal slave knight! But somehow, the favourability meters of the male leads increase the more she crosses the line with them!

Why *I* like it:   So this one is another relatively new one added to my list, but it’s shot high up rather quickly!!  The other otome game isekai’s that I have on my list are just like the real world, but the interesting thing about this one, is that it also retains otome game mechanics such as she can see the love interests love meter and also she can chose to use the video game script choices to reply to the characters, in the hopes of raising their love meter.  This adds challenge, since she knows that if she gets any of the dudes to -10 she’ll be killed even as she sort of wonders if she truly would die or wake back up in reality.

What’s interesting also is that while she is the villainess character in the game… It ends up that the character was actually abused for years and that her title as a villain is unfair and that the game can be played as the villainess as even a player as a ‘hard’ mode compared to the heroine character.  It’s up to her to turn things around and it’s actually a fun take on the villainess genre.  I’m really looking forward to how things proceed even as my fears about which dude she’ll end up with continue to increase.

Finally, another layer I enjoy is that the MC lead a similar life in her previous life.  She’d only just escape her own abusive family before she’d ended up here and MC just desperately wants to escape once again… using any means necessary.

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The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass by SanSobe (story) and Ant Studio (art)

With the marriage of her prostitute mother to the Count, Aria’s status in society skyrocketed immediately. After leading a life of luxury, Aria unfairly meets death because of her sister Mielle’s schemes. And right before she dies, she sees an hourglass fall as if it were a fantasy. And just like that, she was miraculously brought back to the past.

“I want to become a very elegant person, just like my sister, Mielle.”

In order to face the villainess, she must become an even more wicked villainess. This was the new path Aria chose to take revenge on Mielle who murdered both her and her mother.

Why *I* like it:   If you thought that this list might be in descending order, guess again!  This one is one of my favorites.  Now this one lacks isekai, but is a reincarnation of a villainess!! Rather the MC was an absolute horrible person in her past life, but finds out at the last minute that her ~pure~ sister had been leading her by nose into acting like a brat just seconds before she is executed.  Now that she has a second chance, she’ll be a proper villainess and turn the tables on her sister.

In her last life, Aria never bothered educating herself so now that she’s a teenager again she actually has to learn things again (it’s not just like she gets to act like she’s a genius and good at everything) but she works hard at maintaining a sweet image and making everyone love her, even as she snickers behind their backs, all the while subtly setting her sister up for failure.

This is a proper revenge story, I’m promised by those who read the LN!! Revenge stories about women are rare to come back, especially one that doesn’t make revenge look like a total evil thing lol.  What can I say, I have my interests.  Anyway, it’s super cathartic to watch Aria slowly unfold her masterplan to foil her sister’s plans and take everything that her sister had cherished in her previous life. And all that not to mention the certain powers that Aria later discovers she has at her disposal... :3c

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Beware of the Villainess by Bbongdda Mask (story) and Pureunkanna (art)

I became the villainess of a novel! Do I hate it? No! I find it rather nice. A duke’s daughter equals a jobless rich person. How can I miss out on a chance like this?! This is the best chance to just enjoy life. I should throw out the main plot and just live life how I want to! Not long after waking up as the villainess, I witnessed my fiancé, the crown prince and the novel’s male lead, cheating. I saw him embrace a lady other than I and he was smiling so bright. I was brought to tears… Just kidding, I didn’t cry! My tears are worth too much to be wasted on that garbage. Instead of tears, I yelled out, “Your highness, are you trash?”

Why *I* like it:   Listen there are 2 ways to react to waking up as a villain of a series you once read… Either you turn the tables and become a good guy OR you can embrace it!  The world the novel is based on has the basic premise of the pure and good heroine winning the affection of 4 bratty, horrible men.  MC is the fiance of one of them and says fuck that.  She also has some thoughts that none of these dudes deserve the heroine of the novel but this one is still pretty early on so the jury still out on if she’s going to save this poor girl from her fate of ending up with any of these absolute assholes.

This one is along the veins of the previously mentioned Living As the Tyrant’s Older Sister, in that the pull for this series is even less of the romance and more about the comedy aspect… Also MC’s facial expressions are…. Choice.  Just so good. Enough with pretty girls making pretty faces!!  We need more girls being ugly.  It’s what we deserve.  Yell at cheaters!!!!!! Tell them to fuck off!! Yes please.

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Accomplishments of the Duke’s Daughter by Reia (Story), Umemiya Suki (Art)

Although she had reincarnated as the daughter of a Duke's house, by the time she regained her memories, the Ending was already here.

"After he cancels my engagement, the story would have me confined to a church. Where can I find my happy ending?"

Why *I* like it:  I never read or watched Wolf and Spice but I imagine this is isekai Wolf and Spice… Well it’s got a lot about the economy at least lmao.   That’s literally the only thing I know about Wolf and Spice.  Anyway!!  The twist in this one is that the MC remembers her past life just as she’s about to be exiled, the end of the original game.  What the series focuses on is her life afterwards, as she scrambles to grab at any semblance of a good life… And she does so pretty quickly!

Her past life comes in handy as she sets to work managing a dukedom and fixes the economy!!  Moreover, even though it pains my heart whenever two women are pitted against each other… It does a great job of putting into question the original heroine’s pure shtick as she spends extravagantly on dresses and would rather just donate to the poor one day, instead of Iris the MC who sets to work on fixing the economy and creating jobs for the poor and putting money into bettering their lives in the long run, rather than throwing money at them and running.  Also, she’s grabbed the attraction of a mysterious man who takes a job helping her even though he is a prince aka the brother of her ex-fiance who he is fighting for the crown for.

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And that’s it!! My list for now!! Tbh by next month there’ll likely be even more faves as I continue to add more and more series to my read list lol.  Because this isn’t even a fraction of all the reincarnation isekai series I’m into, just the best for certain reasons.

BTW, if you’re like... wow this list sure is straight then true unfortunately. I’m waiting for the day “I Favor The Villainess” gets adapted somehow.  Also there are several isekai in which a straight girl reincarnates into a yaoi novel but I haven’t found a true gem among them yet.

[navegandoaciegas]

the love you deserve II

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (fem!reader)

Word Count: almost 3k, ops

Summary: “He’s Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He was the guy at the Triskelion, they say he’s the one who killed JFK.”

It can’t be real. Your Jaime visits and plays with lonely, sickly kids in hospitals because he remembers what it was like growing up with his asthmatic, diabetic friend Steve. Whoever this Bucky guy is, he’s not your Jaime, your Jaime could never harm a fly. Your Jaime is good, he’s compassionate. Surely your friend must be wrong.

Warnings: soft!bucky, hurt!reader, angst, fluff, lying, cheating, drug use, alcohol consumption (including mentions of underage drinking), language that Steve Rogers wouldn’t approve of.

A/N: AU where Civil War and Thanos never happen, Tony forgives Bucky and he retires. This is my very first attempt at writing in English, I’m not a native speaker, so forgive me for any mistakes :)

This is part 2, please comment and reblog and let me know what you think of it :) feedback is always appreciated! I plan on writing at least another part, maybe two.

What do you think of the reader?

Part 1

The day before

Las Vegas, Nevada

Vegas is hot and dry as hell. It’s also a lot of fun, so the movies did not lie about that at least. They did exaggerate how fun the casinos would be tho.

You’re at a pool party, sipping on a drink, silently judging the moves of the sweaty people who are dancing around you.

You just got off a facetime call with Jaime, and god you miss him and Alpine too, but life is good and you’re the happiest you’ve ever been, your best friend is getting married to the man she loves and you’re having the time of your life with your girlfriends.

“So, you’re not having cold feet, are you?” you hear Hannah question Jade.

They’re basking in the sun around you.

Jade hesitates as she douses herself in sunblock.

“I gotta say I’m kind of scared but I’ve been dreaming about this for three years, so no? I guess. I don’t know. I love him.”

“That didn’t answer the question.” you observe.

“Are you sure you’re ready to commit to one dick only for the rest of your life?” Raven asks, and you all laugh and roll your eyes playfully.

Ever the commitaphobe, just like you. Well, like you used to be before you met Jaime.

You hate rush hour after work, you hate it so much in fact that you’d rather go to your work’s gym and workout even though you’re exhausted than catch a packed train.

By the time you get to the station most people are home already.

He’s here today.

You’ve seen him quite a lot in the past few weeks. The first thing you noticed about him is the way he seems to fold in on himself, his hunched shoulders and lowered head.

His bad posture aggravates you beyond reason, and you just wish you could go there and straighten his back without looking like a weirdo. But you can’t, so you just admire from afar like the good creep you are.

He’s always wearing a baseball cap over luscious but questionably greasy hair, huge winter jackets and leather gloves; still, underneath all that it’s clear he’s handsome. You always had a thing for men built like brick houses.

Today is the day, you think, today is the day I finally strike a conversation with the guy, it’s now or never.

Truth is, the loneliness he exudes breaks your heart and the way people avoid him like he’s got the plague enrages you for no particular reason. Somehow the ever indifferent New Yorkers would rather stand on a moving train than sit next to him, and that something about that that irks you way too much.

You really don’t understand why. Sure he’s intimidating, he’s a huge man, but he’s quiet and calm and he smiles softly when he spots a dog on the train. He gets off at same stop you do and no matter how isolate the station and the streets are by the time you get home, even if you two are the only ones there, you’ve never felt uneasy.

So you go and sit next to him, you smile when he looks up in surprise and you say hi.

He stutters an ‘evening ma’am’ and you’re proud of yourself because you’ve got it in you to made the big scary guy blush like a schoolgirl.

“Not to be a creep or anything but I’ve seen you around quite a lot, we commute together almost every day.” You chuckle and you introduce yourself.

“I uhm-” he’s cute when he furrows his brows “ I’m Jame- Jaime. I’m Jaime.”

You smile at the memory.

Jaime turned out to be a lot less shy than anticipated. He was a stuttering mess on the first few dates but the more you got to know him, the more he opened up to show his true sarcastic, snarky nature, whilst still being a gentle giant and an absolute sweetheart.

He’s thoughtful, cocky and sweet at the same time. He makes you melt in a puddle whenever he snuggles Alpine on the inside of his jacket, and the rumble of his voice is enough to make your brain short circuit and your panties dampen.

“There goes that look again, you’re such a love sick fool.”

“Oh God, you should see her when she’s with her precious Jaime, they literally have heart eyes, they’re so cute together it makes me sick to my stomach.”

You laugh and shake your head at Raven’s and Jade’s teasing.

“Hey, it’s not that bad, you should have seen yourself the day you met Matt, bitch, you looked like you’d never seen a man before. I ain’t forget.” you retort.

Hannah laughs and adds “When are we going to meet mystery man? It’s not fair that Jade only to got to see him. And word on the streets is that he’s real pretty.”

“When you three learn how to behave. But I can show you a picture, just please don’t be weird about it.” you finally relent after five months of avoiding the topic.

“He’s very, very hot ladies.” Jade quips.

You send her a side glance (goodnaturedly of course) and show them how pretty your sweet boy is.

Raven’s jaw goes slack as she clutches your phone and gawks at the picture.

“Lucky bastard, he’s literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, where did you find him and how did you convince him to be with you of all people?”

You laugh at Raven’s blunt remarks. They playful banter between the two of you has been going on since freshman year of college.

“Now I get why you have that dumb love struck face on you at all times.” Hannah adds.

Grace tho, she’s unusually quiet, and she stares at him with a scowl on her face. Her eyes travel slowly from your phone to your face, and the anticipation to know the reason why is killing you.

“Uhm, you’re dating him? And you said his name is Jaime?” she hesitates.

Whatever is going to come out of her mouth, you already know you’re not going to like it.

“Look, maybe I’m wrong and I’m mistaking him for someone else but I’m pretty positive I’m right and, ah” Another pause, you’re about to faint. “There’s no way to break it down to you in a way that won’t hurt but” she sighs “he’s lying to you.”

Ice fills your veins. You can feel dread crawling up your spine.

Is he someone else’s boyfriend? Are you the other woman or is he cheating on you? Is he a professional scammer?

“What the hell are you talking about Gracie?” Jade almost shouts, and you’re one heartbeat away from fainting.

Grace looks at you with all the pity in the world and you want nothing more than to erase that expression from her face.

“He’s Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He was the guy at the Triskelion, they say he’s the one who killed JFK.”

The world around you stops spinning for a second as the ring in your ears get louder. You just wish the ground could open up and swallow you whole.

All of a sudden you start laughing hysterically like she’s told the funniest joke you’ve ever heard, you laugh so ugly that a few heads turn in your direction and give you funny looks, so loud that your friends are startled and even more worried.

Jaime, your sweet baby boy who adopted a three legged blind cat no one else at the shelter wanted to save him from being euthanized.

Jaime who volunteers at the VA with his pal Sam to help war vets reintegrate in society after they get back home, because he knows what it’s like to have your life turned around, to find yourself with no commands to obey all of a sudden and more trauma than you know what to do with. He knows what it is like to know no peace, to sleep a couple hours a week until you’re hallucinating so bad you’re begging the universe to just end your suffering.

It can’t be real. Your Jaime visits and plays with lonely, sickly kids in hospitals because he remembers what it was like growing up with his asthmatic, diabetic friend Steve.

Whoever this Bucky guy is, he’s not your Jaime, your Jaime could never harm a fly.

Your Jaime is good, he’s compassionate. Surely your friend must be wrong.

He goes grocery shopping for the elderly couple next door whose kids never visit, because they are too weak, too sick, too tired to leave the house.

“I’m sorry sweetie, it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have know.”

Grace hands you a phone, open on his Wikipedia page.

Jaime’s sky-blue eyes stare back at you.

You really let him play a number on you, didn’t you?

You feel a hot surge of blinding anger and you want to tear the world apart, you want to take Jaime- no, not Jaime, James and bitch slap him in the face so damn hard you convey the humiliation you’re feeling right now, knowing that the man you love and thought you knew lied to your face for five fucking months.

Did he ever consider coming clean, revealing his true identity?

Was he ever planning on telling you? Or would he move in with you, wake up and go to bed with you every day feeding you lies upon lies?

Would you end up married to a man that doesn’t exist and have kids with a ghost?

Grow old with a guy who said he was 33 but is actually 99?

Would he never get undressed in front of you? How was he planning on hiding is metal arm? Surely one day you’d be intimate and you would see it? The whole “I want to wait cause I’m old fashioned like that” would eventually need to stop.

Or maybe it wasn’t a serious relationship at all for him, not in the way it was for you. Not in the way you wanted to spend the rest of your days loving him and making him the happiest man alive. Not in the way you were ready to commit to him, body and soul, for all eternity.

Now the endearing terms he used to call you, his babydoll, his little doll, they taste bitter on your tongue.

A doll, literally. A little toy to play with and toss aside once he got bored of his little game.

Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out like this?

It reminds you of that time in your junior year of college, you were dating this guy back then, and you liked him, he was fun, the sex was good, he supported you in your endless hours of cheer practice.

One day he told you he was sick and couldn’t make it to your afternoon study date. That same night you ran into him at a frat party with his friends. Wasn’t so sick after all.

You broke up on the spot, shed a few tears while your teammates held you and moved on with your life with your head held high, because that’s what you’ve been doing all your life no matter how many curveballs the universe throws your way.

You vividly recall what hurt the most: the feeling of being lied to and toyed with. The hot humiliation that burns your cheeks and makes your eyes water when you realized you have yet again misplaced your trust. The inevitable question that plague you for days on end: what else did he lie about? How could I be so damn stupid?

His name was Tommy, and sometimes in the following years your first instinct when a man told you anything was to obsess over whether they were being honest or not. Until Jaime, that is, you trusted Jaime with your life, you would never question him, and look where that got you.

You’re aware you’re overthinking and maybe overreacting at this point, and that wailing in your own misery while your girlfriends are out having fun in a club is doing you no good, nor is it changing your current predicament. But you never listen to the voice of reason, and you won’t start today.

The room feels too hot and too cold at the same time.

You’re sweating but your body is shaking. You’re breathing but the air you inhale won’t reach your lungs. You’re blinking your eyes frantically but you only see darkness. You hear your own heart beat out of your chest.

It seems like the room you’re in is closing down on you and there’s no space left, you’re being crushed by those walls around you, you’re drowning, you’re suffocating.

Is this what heartbreak feels like, or is it just a heart attack?

Turns out it’s a panic attack, you know because you typed your symptoms on Google.

You are painfully aware you’re spiralling out of control.

Get a grip.

All you can think about is how you want him to suffer, you want him to feel the same humiliation you’re feeling right now. You want him to feel his chest compress, his throat tighten, you want him to know what it’s like when your heart is breaking in a thousand pieces and you can’t even breathe.

You want his world to come tumbling down on him and crush him under the weight of his mistakes.

You don’t care why he did it. You don’t give a single fuck about his reasons.

Because the truth is, no matter who he was in his past life, no matter how many he killed or tortured, you would have loved him all the same. You would have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders if it meant he could sleep soundly at night.

But he didn’t give you a chance to.

And because you never fucking think before you act, you put your best dress on a join the girls at the club they’re at, and you hope the tequila is going to drown your sorrow and dull the pain burning you from within.

Tonight you don’t want to feel anymore.

Four months ago.

Brooklyn, New York.

Every morning, Bucky wakes up at 5.30 am and joins Steve Rogers on his jog around the neighborhood, and every morning without failure Bucky is grumpy about it. He hates the early mornings, especially in the winter, but he can’t find it in himself to refuse Steve anything.

Steve is smart and too observing for his own good and he knows that something has changed. He knows it in the way Bucky’s steps are louder and bouncier, his back is straighter, his smile is easier, his eyes shine brighter.

He knows it because underneath the sandalwood scent of Buck’s deodorant and the musky smell of his sweat, he can sometimes detect the less pungent fragrance of coconut and peaches.

“So, who is she?”

The question catches him off guard. Bucky stops dead in his track and looks at his friend like a deer caught in the headlights.

“What, you thought I wouldn’t notice?”

At that he has the decency to blush.

“She’s- she’s perfect. I met her on the ride home from the shelter. ‘member when we were kids, we used to dream about the future? I swore I’d get myself a pretty wife and love her for the rest of my days and have a bunch of kids?”

“Yeah, I used to tell you you’d have to stop dragging me in those god awful double dates, or else you wouldn’t get any of those pretty girls to stick around.”

The two share a bittersweet smile as they reminisce how their life could have been.

“She’s pretty, you know, she’s sweet, she’s a bit of an asshole but the good kind, she’s so damn smart, you know all those science things I used to like before the war? She knows them all. She’s an engineer. I know my Ma would have approved of her, and Becca would have died to have her as a sister.”

“So why’s that long face?”

Bucky snorts.

Of course, how could Captain America understand? People don’t avoid him like he’s got some infectious disease, they don’t give him dirty looks, girls don’t cross the street when they see him, mothers with kids on their hips don’t cover their children as if he was the Boogeyman. “She didn’t recognize me, and well I- I can’t tell her. She wouldn’t want me, and I like her too much to mess this up.”

“Buck.” Steve gives him his best stern look. “You have to tell her, she has a right to know who she’s seeing. If she’s the one she’s going to love you all the same, but don’t lie to her. These secrets can only backfire in the long run. It’s going to ruin your relationship.”

Bucky nods absentmindedly and continues running without uttering another word.

No one could ever love his true self, he thinks bitterly. No one could help him carry the weight of his past on his shoulders.

If only he had known back then how right Stevie would be, he would have told you everything four months ago.

[alwaysmarilynmonroe]

Firstly, I want to apologize in advance for any insensitivity or inaccuracies in this post. I cannot pretend I am as educated as I would like to be, but I am extremely passionate in learning about others and using my privilege for good.

Since the horrific murder of African American, George Floyd on May 25th 2020, rightful outrage has broken out worldwide over the injustice and disgraceful blatant racism that is still going on in 2020. Fifty seven years since Martin Luther King Jr. spoke his, “I Have A Dream” speech during the March On Washington For Jobs And Freedom on August 28th 1963. Fifty one years since Marsha P. Johnson, a Black Trans Woman, Sylvia Rivera, a Latina American Transgender Activist, Raymond Castro, a Latino gay man, Miss Major Griffin – Gracy, a Black Trans woman and Storm Delaverie, a Mixed Raced lesbian, fought during the Stonewall Riots on June 28th 1969. Which begs the question, why is it half a century later so many Black Lives are being taken mercilessly each day?

With June being the month of PRIDE and as I am hugely passionate about LGBTQ+ Rights, I feel it is important to note that the first riot protesting was led by Black Trans Women and Gay Men. I must mention that Black Trans Women have an average life span of 35 YEARS – just let that sink in for a moment.

We are all the same, we are all human, nobody is born racist. It is so wonderful to have so many colours and cultures within our world and yet a huge number of people are hurting this. Without variety we would not be able to educate one another and learn about each others history.

For the people that are posting about how, “All Lives Matter” I can’t emphasize enough how frustrating this is. No one is saying that white people don’t matter, the injustice is not harming white people, there is no racial prejudice and harm coming to myself because of the colour of my skin. Yes, every single person in the world suffers and has hard times, but BAME are the only ones being persecuted because of their skin. The “Black Lives Matter” movement is bringing awareness to the dangers so many people suffer every single day, living in fear doing the most mundane things that we so often take for granted. It is worth noting that white people will never understand this pain and fear, but we can understand the suffering so many people of colour go through and try and prevent it from continuing. I have started a thread on my Twitter, to share each petition I have signed, hoping that others will take a few minutes to do the same – it is the least we can do.

I’m also going to share each of the petitions in this post, with information about the victims who have suffered such pain. People may have seen the murder of George Floyd and think this is the first of it’s kind and tragically, it is not. Police brutality is extremely real and not only is it happening in the USA, it is happening in the UK too. Inquest, have stated there have been 1741 DEATHS in police custody or otherwise following contact with the police in England and Wales since 1990, with 14% and 183 of them being of BAME . In 2019, mappingpolicebrutality states there were only 27 DAYS IN 2019 where police did not kill someone, 24% of the victims were black, despite being 13% of the population and in 99% of the killings NO ONE HAS BEEN CHARGED.

I simply must take the time to thank the amazing Nico, who runs blacklivesmatters, because of you I have been able to educate myself and sign petitions on incredible people, that I admittedly had no idea existed. Thanks to thehindu website, I have learnt that between 2013 – 2019, 42 PER MILLION populations of African Americans were killed in police shootings – the highest among races, with statistics showing they are THREE TIMES more likely to be murdered than white people. Furthermore, over 17% of African American victims were UNARMED.

Here are a few of the many lives which have been lost and families which have been destroyed. It is important to remember these victims and share their stories. I’m ashamed to say that I had only heard about one of the stories that I am posting, which goes to show how many are ignored, and never spoken about. This is not acceptable, no one deserves such inhumanity and suffering. I am aware that these facts are hard to read and may be triggering to some, which I do apologize for, not because they have to be read, but because they ever happened in the first place. It is our responsibility to educate ourselves and not turn a blind eye to the injustices and tragedies which is happening daily in our world.

Marsha P. Johnson (left) and Sylvia Rivera (right) at the Christopher Street Liberation Day Gay Pride Parade photographed by Leonard Fink on June 24th 1973.

Black Trans American Gay Rights Activist, Marsha P. Johsnon.

Derek Charles Livingston walks in the Million Man March in Washington DC by Roderick Terry on October 16th 1995.

Black Lives Matter Artwork by @Beccallen_design

I can’t find any information on the people, protest or photographer, if anyone knows please contact me!

______________________________________________________________________________

SAY THEIR NAMES.

TRAYVON MARTIN:

A 17 year old African American teenager, who was fatally shot in Sanford, Florida by George Zimmerman, on February 26th 2012. Trayvon was walking alone to his father’s fiancée’s house from a store and Zimmerman, a member of the community watch, saw Trayvon and reported him to the Sanford Police as suspicious. Several minutes later, there was an altercation and Zimmerman fatally shot Trayvon in the chest. Zimmerman was NOT charged at the time and when he eventually was tried, he was ACQUITTED of second-degree murder and manslaughter.

SANDRA BLAND:

A 28 year old African American woman, who was found hanged in her jail cell in Waller County, Texas, on July 13th 2015. Sandra had been pulled over for a minor traffic violation, three days earlier by State Trooper Brian Encinia, who ended up arresting her with the charge of assaulting a police officer. Part of the exchange was recorded and after authorities reviewed the footage, Encinia was placed on administrative leave for failing to follow proper traffic stop procedures. However, in December 2015, a grand jury decided AGAINST indicting the country sheriff and jail staff for any misdemeanors regarding Sandra’s tragic death. Encinia was eventually indicted for making false statements about Sandra’s arrest and was fired. However, in June 2017 the perjury charges against him were DROPPED, with the confirmation he would end his law enforcement career.

KATHRYN JOHNSTON:

A 92 year old African American woman, who was killed by undercover police in her home on Neal Street in northwest Atlanta on November 21st 2006. They broke down her door and fired 39 SHOTS at her, with five or six hitting – she fired one, which didn’t harm anyone. The officers were found to have falsified evidence, stating drugs were present in her home, which was the original cause for the raid. Jason R. Smith, Gregg Junnier, and Arthur Tesler were tried for MANSLAUGHTER and sentenced to only 10, 6 and 5 YEARS.

SEAN BELL:

A 23 year old African American man, who was killed the morning before his Wedding, on November 25th 2006. Detective Paul Headley fired one shot, officer Michael Carey fired three times, officer Marc Cooper shot FOUR TIMES, and officer Gescard Isnora shot ELEVEN TIMES and officer Michael Oliver shot 31 TIMES, reloading his gun AT LEAST once. Two of Sean’s friends, JOSEPH GUZMAN and TRENT BENEFIELD were severely wounded but thankfully survived. Isnora and Oliver were charged with first and second degree MANSLAUGHTER, whilst Cooper was charged with RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT. All three were ACQUITTED, only being fired or forced to resign from the force.

ERIC GARNER:

A 43 year old African American man, who was killed by New York police officer Daniel Pantaleo, after he was placed in a chokehold whilst being arrested on July 17th 2004. The medical examiners actually RULED HIS DEATH AS A HOMICIDE however, Pantaleo was NOT charged with murder and was only fired on August 19th 2019, MORE THAN FIVE YEARS after Eric’s death.

REKIA BOYD:

A 22 year old African American woman, who was killed by an off-duty Chicago police detective, Dante Servin, on March 21st 2012. Rekia’s friend, ANTONIA CROSS was also shot in the hand. Over a year later, in November 2013, Servin was charged with INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER, but was CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES, by Judge Dennis J. Porter on April 20th 2015. Servin resigned two days before his departmental hearing on May 17th 2016, FOUR YEARS after Rekia’s murder.

AMADOU DIALLO:

A 23 year old Guinean immigrant, who was murdered by four New York City plain clothed police officers, Sean Carroll, Richard Murphy, Edward McMellon, and Kenneth Boss, on February 4th 1999. They fired 41 SHOTS, of which 19 HIT AMADOU and were charged only with SECOND DEGREE MURDER – all ended up being ACQUITTED. In 2015, Boss was PROMOTED to sergeant – he had already murdered PATRICK BAILEY, a 22 year old Jamaican born American Citizen on October 31st 1997.

MICHAEL BROWN JR.:

A 18 year old African American man, who was murdered by Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson, on August 9th 2014. Michael was UNARMED with his friend, DORIAN JOHNSON and his body was left in the street for FOUR HOURS before he was removed. On August 11th, a Civil Rights Investigation was opened, but on March 4th 2015, CLEARED Wilson of any civil rights violations. He was NOT charged. On November 29th, Wilson resigned from the force, citing security concerns.

KIMANI “KIKI” GRAY:

A 16 year old African American boy, who was murdered by two plain clothed New York City police officers, Mourad Mourad and Jovaniel Cordova, on March 9th 2013. He was shot at ELEVEN TIMES, and was hit by SEVEN of them. Mourad was nominated for, “Cop Of The Year” in 2014, despite being named in THREE FEDERAL LAWSUITS FOR VIOLATING CIVIL RIGHTS along with another shooting in 2011. Both have NOT been charged.

KENNETH CHAMBERLAIN SR.:

A 68 year old African American man, who was murdered by police officer, Anthony Carelli after inadvertently triggering his LifeAid medical alert necklace. The officers broke down his door, even after Kenneth stated he did not need assistance and had asked them to leave. They stayed for one hour trying to force the door open and an officer called Stephen Hart, swore at him and called him horrific racist words. Kenneth was UNARMED, which DNA evidence has proven and was TASERED and shot at TWICE. In 2012 the case was reviewed by a grand jury and the officers were NOT charged.

TRAVARES MCGILL:

A 16 year old African American boy, who was murdered by security guards, William Patrick Swofford and Bryan Ansley, in a parking lot on July 16th 2005. Originally, the two men were NOT charged, it wasn’t until FOUR MONTHS later in November, that Swofford was charged with MANSLAUGHTER and both with SHOOTING INTO AN OCCUPIED VEHICLE. The charges later ended up being DISMISSED.

TAMIR RICE:

A 12 year old African American boy, who was SHOT TWICE in Cleveland, Ohio by police officer Timothy Loehmann, on November 22nd 2014. He was simply playing with a TOY GUN and ended up dying in hospital the next day. Loehmann was NOT CHARGED and was only fired THREE YEARS LATER in 2017, after it was revealed that he had been labelled an EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE RECRUIT and UNFIT FOR DUTY in his previous job.

AIYANA STANLEY-JONES:

A 7 year old African American girl, who was murdered by police officer, Joseph Weekley, during a house raid, on May 16th 2010. In October 2011, Weekley was charged INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER and RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT WITH A GUN. Weekley ended up having two mistrials and the judge actually DISMISSED the involuntary manslaughter charge in the second one. Five years later, on January 28th 2015, Weekley was CLEARED of his reckless endangerment with a gun charge, meaning the third retrial would not happen.

FREDDIE GRAY:

A 25 year old African American man, who was arrested on April 12th 2015 by lieutenant Brian W. Rice, officer Edward Nero, and officer Garrett E. Miller, after running away from them, whilst they were patrolling. Freddie was subsequently charged with having a knife in his possession, although no harm was caused and the knife was not used. Freddie was then placed in a transport van within 11 minutes of his arrest and half an hour later he was IN A COMA. He died on April 19th, a week after his arrest, with his cause of death being stated as injuries to his spinal cord. The medical examiners ruled his death a HOMICIDE, saying that his injuries had been sustained whilst being transported and that the officers FAILED TO FOLLOW SAFETY PROCEDURES. Six officers were filed with various criminal charges, including MANSLAUGHTER, ILLEGAL ARREST, RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT and SECOND DEGREE “DEPRAVED-HEART” MURDER for officer Caesar R. Goodson Jr., who was driving the van. Each officer was granted a separate trial, Porters resulted in a MISTRIAL, whilst Nero, Rice and Goodson were all ACQUITTED. Any of the various other charges were subsequently DROPPED.

SEAN RIGG

A 40 year old black man, who died following a cardiac arrest whilst in police custody, in South London, England on August 28th 2008. Sean suffered with paranoid schizophrenia and was in a vulnerable mental state, resulting in the hostel staff he lived with calling 999 FIVE TIMES over a period of THREE HOURS. They were informed by operator, Maurice Glove that Sean was NOT A POLICE PRIORITY. Response was eventually made after members of the public had observed Sean acting strangely in the street. Four police officers chased him and he was handcuffed and restrained in a face down position, being LENT ON FOR 8 MINUTES. FOUR YEARS LATER in 2012, Southwalk Coroner’s Court concluded police had used, “UNSUITABLE AND UNNECESSARY FORCE” and their failings, “MORE THAN MINIMALLY” contributed to his death. In March 2013, sergeant Paul White and officer Mark Harratt were arrested on perverting the court of justice, regarding the evidence presented at Sean’s inquest. However, in October 2014, the CPS decided NOT to charge them. Sean’s family did request a Right To Review policy and White was charged with PERJURY – ultimately, he was ACQUITTED in November 2016.

______________________________________________________________________________

PETITIONS TO SIGN:

Here are some of the petitions I have came across to support, it simply takes a few seconds of your time and every signature helps. Please also take the time to read the victims stories and share, together our voices have power and can hopefully help in moving towards a happier and healthier society.

• MINNEAPOLIS DISTRICT ATTORNEY: RAISE THE DEGREE • JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (1) • CHARGE MINNEAPOLIS POLICE OFFICERS FOR MURDER OF GEORGE FLOYD (2) • JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (3) • GET THE OFFICERS CHARGED: JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD (4) • SENATOR BLUMENTHAL: GEORGE FLOYD: WE NEED NATIONWIDE POLICE DE-ESCALATION (5) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (1) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (2) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (3) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (4) • JUSTICE FOR BREONNA TAYLOR (5) • DISBARMENT OF GEORGE E. BARNHILL • JUSTICE FOR AHMUAD ARBERY (1) • DISTRICT ATTORNEY TOM DURDEN: JUSTICE FOR AHMAUD ARBERY (2) • GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP: JUSTICE FOR AHMAUD ARBERY (3) • DEFUND MPD • MANDATORY LIFE SENTENCE FOR POLICE BRUTALITY • JUSTICE FOR REGIS KORCHINSKI-PAQUET • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (1) • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (2) • JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE (3) • JUSTICE FOR JOAO PEDRO • SAVE INNOCENT JULIUS JONES FROM DEATH ROW • JUSTICE FOR BELLY MUJINGA • GOVERNOR KAY IVEY: FREE WILLIE SIMMONS • HANDS UP ACT • NATIONAL ACTION AGAINST POLICE BRUTALITY AND MURDER • ILLINOIS GOVERNOR: CORRECT WRONGFUL CONVICTION OF KYJUANZI HARRIS • JUSTICE FOR ALEJANDRO VARGAS MARTINEZ • CENSORSHIP OF POLICE BRUTALITY IN FRANCE • JUSTICE FOR SEAN REED • MAYOR JOE HOGSETT: JUSTICE FOR SEAN REED • JUSTICE FOR KENDRICK JOHNSON • JUSTICE FOR TAMIR RICE (1) • JUSTICE FOR TAMIR RICE (2) • FIRE RACIST CRIMINAL FROM THE NYPD • JUSTICE FOR JAMEE JOHNSON • JUSTICE FOR DARIUS STEWART (1) • JUSTICE FOR DARIUS STEWART (2) • ABOLISH PRISON LABOR • FREE SIYANDA MNGAZA • JUSTICE FOR CHRYSTUL KIZER (1) • JUSTICE FOR CHRYSTUL KIZER (2) • JUSTICE FOR ANDILE “BOBO” MCHUNU • FREE ERIC RIDDICK • JUSTICE FOR AMIYA BRAXTON • JUSTICE FOR EMERALD BLACK • JUSTICE FOR ELIJAH NICHOLS • JUSTICE FOR ZINEDINE KARABO GIOIA • RETRIAL FOR WRONGFUL CONVICTION OF ANGEL BUMPASS • SCOTLAND POLICE: INVESTIGATE THE DEATH OF SHEKU BAYOH IN POLICE CUSTODY • JUSTICE FOR JENNIFER JEFFLEY • FREE ALBERT WILSON • MADISON SOUTHERN HIGH SCHOOL: JUSTICE FOR MACIE • JUSTICE FOR AMARI BOONE • JUSTICE FOR CRYSTAL MASON • JUSTICE FOR RASHAD CUNNINGHAM • GOODWOOD MAGISTRATE COURT: JUSTICE FOR TAZNE VAN WYK • PORTLAND POLICE: JUSTICE FOR TETE GULLEY • DROP CHARGES ON MARSHAE JONES & CHARGE THE SHOOTER OF HER & HER UNBORN BABY • TEMPLE POLICE DEPARTMENT: JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL DEAN  • STAND WITH #BLM • MOVEMENT4BLACKLIVES • PHOENIX POLICE DEPARTMENT: JUSTICE FOR DION JOHNSON • FIRE RON FREEMAN • MANCHESTER POLICE: JUSTICE FOR SHUKRI ABDI • DISTRICT ATTORNEY JIM WARD: JAIL TIME FOR DYLAN MOTA AND JACOB ROBLES • NSW POLICE: MANDATE THE POLICE FORCE ACADEMIES TO TAKE RACIAL BIAS TEST • JUNK THE ANTI-TERRORISM BILL AND UPHOLD HUMAN RIGHTS • NIGERIA POLICE FORCE: JUSTICE FOR YOUNG UWA • SCHOOLS MUST SPEAK UP NOW • SEATTLE POLICE: ARREST JARED CAMPBELL (1) • TERMINATE JARED CAMPBELL (2) • POLICE DE-ESCALATION TRAINING • PARDON CRYSTAL MASON IMPRISONED FOR VOTING. • JUSTICE FOR CAMERON GREEN • UNITED NATIONS: BAN THE USE OF INHUMANE RUBBER BULLETS (1) • UN AND US GOVERNMENT: BAN THE USE OF RUBBER BULLETS (2) • STOP USING ICE TO POISON IMMIGRANTS • THE TRAYVON MARTIN LAW – STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING AGAIN • COOKS COUNTY ILLINOIS POLICE: FREE CHAFFIN DARNEL Y • SUPPORT FORMER BUFFALOE POLICE OFFICER CARIOL HORNE TO RECEIVE HER PENSION • IMPROVE WORKING CONDITIONS FOR BLACK PEOPLE IN ITALY • DEFUND DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT AND INVEST IN THE LARGER DALLAS COMMUNITY • JUSTICE FOR BRITTANY CHRISHAWN WILLIAMS • RICHMOND CITY COUNCIL & MAYOR STONEY: MARCUS ALERT & CIVILIAN OVERSIGHT OF RPD • JUSTICE FOR QUENTIN SUTTLES • SAVE INNOCENT KENNETH REAMS FROM DEATH ROW • KING COUNTY POLICE OFFICERS GUILD: REQUIRE DASH AND BODY CAMERAS • DEFUND THE POLICE • JUSTICE FOR JAMES SCURLOCK (1) • JUSTICE FOR JAMES SCURLOCK (2) • CLASSIFY WHITE SUPREMACISTS AS TERRORISTS • JUSTICE FOR DAVID MCATEE • NO POLICE PRESENCE AT TACOMA BLM PROTEST • DEFUND SDPD • FIRE LAPD CHIEF MICHAEL MOORE • MAKE WASHINGTON STATE POLICE ACCOUNTABLE FOR POLICE BRUTALITY • FIRE OFFICER CAMILLE STEPHENSON • STOP ILLEGAL EXPORT OF RIOTING EQUIPMENT • JUSTICE FOR SHELLEY FREY • JUSTICE FOR ASHTON DICKSON • BAN/RESTRICT TEARGAS • KNOCK DOWN SLAVE MARKET CENTER • FREE ANTHONY WITT • JUSTICE FOR SANDRA BLAND • PROTECT UK BLACK TRANS WOMEN • REJECT TRUMP’S VIOLENCE TOWARDS PROTESTORS • MAKE POLICE BRUTALITY ILLEGAL • FIRE AUSTIN CHIEF POLICE • JUSTICE FOR BRAD LEVI • JUSTICE FOR JONAS JOSEPH • JUSTICE FOR DOMINIQUE CLAYTON • JUSTICE FOR ANDERSON ARBOLEDA • FREE CURTIS PRICE ______________________________________________________________________________

DONATIONS:

From reading various sources of information, it is advised to not donate to change.org, as it is a private corporation and none of the funds go towards the organizations or people that have put the petitions together. Of course, continue to sign the petitions, but please take the time to read their FAQ regarding donations.

Here is a list of recommended websites via blacklivesmatters: ______________________________________________________________________________

VICTIMS:

• GEORGE FLOYD MEMORIAL FUND • GEORGE FLOYD’S SISTERS FUND • GEORGE FLOYD’S DAUGHTERS FUND • BREONNA TAYLOR FUND • AHMAUD ARBERY FUND • REGIS KORCHINSKI FUND • JAMEE JOHNSON FUND • DESTINY HARRISON FUNERAL FUND • ERIC ROSALIA FUND • BELLY MUJINGA FUND • DION JOHNSON FUND • AARON JAMES FUND • TONY MCDADE FUND • HEALING FOR DARNELLA • DESTINY’S DREAM SCHOLARSHIP • JAMES SCURLOCK FUND • SUPPORT FOR LESLIE FUND • TREVER BELLE FUND • TAMPA BAY COMMUNITY SUPPORT • BRAD LEVI AYALA FUND • ALAJUNAYE DAVIS FUND • SAID JOQUIN FUND • DAVID MCATEE FUND • ITALIA KELLEY FUND ______________________________________________________________________________

* PROTESTORS *

• BALI FUNDS BY STATE • TAMPA BAY COMMUNITY SUPPORT • SPLIT DONATION TO 37 BAIL FUNDS • NATIONAL BAIL FUND NETWORK • BAIL FUND GOOGLE DOC • BAIL FUND TWITTER THREAD • GAS MASK FUND • UNICORN RIOT FUND • MESSIAH YOUNG AND TANIYA PILGRIM • EZEQUIEL VALDERAS BAIL FUND • BLM FRONTLINE FUND • FUND PROTESTORS IN THE UK • SUPPLIES FOR DC PROTESTORS • VENMO: FEMME EMPOWERMENT PROJECT ______________________________________________________________________________

* BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES *

• BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES THREAD • BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES ATLANTA • BURGERIM DALLAS TEXAS • EMW WOMEN’S

* EMW is the ONLY abortion clinic in Kentucky and is 1 OF THE 6 black owned clinics in the country.

• REBUILD SCORES SPORTS BAR FUND • REBUILD SACDELUX CONSIGNMENT STORE FUND • HELP TRIO THRIVE • ATLANTA BLACK OWNED BUSINESS RELIEF • REBUILD GUNS & ROSES BOUTIQUE FUND • SOMALI OWNED BUSINESSES • REBUILD SHOE MOUNTAIN FUND • REBUILD THE BLOCK FUND • MINNEAPOLIS BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES • LONG BEACH BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES ______________________________________________________________________________

* ORGANIZATIONS *

• Reclaim The Block • North Star Health Collective • NAACP Legal Defense Fund • Black Visions Collective • Black Disability Coalition • The Marshall Project • ACLU • Campaign Zero • Advancement Project ______________________________________________________________________________ * OTHER IMPORTANT PLACES *

• SUPPORT SYBRINA FULTON, TRAYVON MARTIN’S MOTHER WHO IS RUNNING FOR OFFICE IN FLORIDA • SUPPORT LUCY MCBETH FOR RE-ELECTION HER SON JORDAN DAVIS WAS MURDERED AT 17 BY A RACIST • BLM FUND • BLM LA FUND • SMALL BUSINESSES REBUILD • BAY AREA BLACK BUSINESSES FUND • LOVELAND THERAPY FUND • BLACK TRANS WOMEN FUND • NATIONAL POLICE ACCOUNTABILITY PROJECT • CHANGE THE NYPD • LAKE STREET CLEANUP • UNTIL FREEDOM • REBUILD NATIVE AMERICAN YOUTH CENTER • REBUILD VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT FUND • CAMBODIA TOWN RELIEF FUND • REBUILD JOY’S BEAUTY SALON FUND • LOCAL RICHMOND BUSINESSES (VA) • FORDHAM CLEANUP FUND • REDISTRIBUTION TO BLACK CENTERED GROUPS • DONATE TO END PERIOD POVERTY ______________________________________________________________________________ * USEFUL RESOURCES * • BLACK LIVES MATTER • BLACK MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES (1) • BLACK MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES (2) • CAPTAINS FOR DEAF OR HOH ______________________________________________________________________________

“PLEASE, I CAN’T BREATHE. MY STOMACH HURTS. MY NECK HURTS. EVERYTHING HURTS. THEY’RE GOING TO KILL ME.”

– George Floyds last words.

BLACK LIVES MATTER. Firstly, I want to apologize in advance for any insensitivity or inaccuracies in this post. I cannot pretend I am as educated as I would like to be, but I am extremely passionate in learning about others and using my privilege for good.

[dahvangogh]

and empty words are evil| jason todd x oc

[ prologue | one | two | three ]

[ao3 link]

[tr: mentions of violence and rape]

Prologue

“I let you die. To save myself, I let you die.

That is the danger in keeping company with survivors.”  

― Leigh Bardugo , Ninth House

6 years ago – Central Park, New York

Running had always helped clear her mind so she could later decide if to do something or not. She had always been a bit impulsive, acting on the spur of the moment and then regretting it. So, as a result, one day her grandfather had sat her down and gave her the best advice she had ever gotten.

“If you cannot concentrate, or decide what to do, just ran. It helps, sweetheart. It keeps you centered, and your mind much cleared than when you started.” her grandpa, who had served in the Vietnam War and had days where his eyes became all unfocused or glassy, had said while patting her cheek.

So that’s what Grace Henderson did every time she was troubled, and it did work.

The previous day, she had been offered the opportunity to do some volunteering in another country for the summer. However, she also had started the paperwork to do a summer initiation course on her future university, Gotham University, and now she was in a crossroads.

Does she accept the opportunity to do some good in the world, while also helping her curriculum look better for future job interviews? Or does she participate in the summer course, so she can meet her future colleagues, perhaps even make friends –which wasn’t her forte– and beginning her university life in a much smoother way?, she pondered.

So, just 15 minutes before, she finally decided that she needed to do some running to set this out once and for all. She quickly sent a message to her mom telling her she was off for a run and that she had nothing to worry about.

Then, Grace put on her yoga pants, a matching bra sport with a white shirt over it and tied her long black hair in a high ponytail. When she was done, she tied her shoelaces as tightly as possible –she hated stopping to tie them– and then pressed play on her running playlist. All set up, she jogged softly towards Central Park.

“The perks of living in Manhattan,” she sighed happily.

When she arrived, the fact that not many people were around caught her attention. Even though that was normal for a Friday late evening –closer to nighttime as it was–it still was much more deserted than usual. Grace felt uneasy, her gut telling her to go home and leave it for another day, that running alone in such a big park and with not many people being around was the perfect scenario for something bad to happen. However, she put those paranoid thoughts aside and tried to reason with herself that the fewer people, the better.

“No one will interrupt and make you stop while you wait for them to clear the path.” The brunet reasoned with herself. “Stop being so paranoid, what could possibly happen? Would a tree fall in your head? C’mon!”

So, she ignored her gut and started running, leaving the more crowded area to the biggest and more secluded park zone.

–    –    –

Grace would like to say that she fought hard, that she was brave and screamed for help as loud as possible.

But she just cried the first days and then went unresponsive.

She was in such a shock, because, how could this happen to her?

And, why her?

Why did it have to happen to her?

Throughout the first night of her kidnapping, her abusers did the absolute worst to her. The rape and the subsequent torture and beating were almost unbearable for her, after all she had never had a high pain tolerance. She cried and begged them to stop, but that only seemed to make them go a step further. Eventually, Grace couldn’t stand it anymore and her mind went into lockdown. It completely shut it all out for her, no more pain, no more cries, nothing.

Despite that, in her sort of lucid moments, all of her hurt.

Her heart.

Her body.

Her soul.

And she felt so dirty, so revolting.

So, on the third night, Grace asked her kidnappers for just one thing. They already had had their fun with her, right? They could give her just this one thing.

“Just kill me already, please. I can’t–” She had begged, her voice tinted with pain and suffering. “I just want to get out.”

–    –    –

Grace was left for dead in Sodus Point Beach Park, near the white lighthouse, after being stabbed twenty times. Her body had been wrapped in a red carpet. The perpetrators had discarded her as if she was trash, like throwing away a Kleenex after using it.

Some stabs were deep, but other cuts on her as the one on the neck –horizontal, as if they had planned to cut her head off but thought better – were superficial enough to not make her choke on her own blood.

That night, while waiting for the moment she would finally die, she managed to pull her head out of the carpet. Laying wounded and with her spirit broken, she almost cried from happiness when she saw the stars on the sky. Something so insignificant that usually she would have never paid much attention. Wherever she was, the pollution wasn’t as serious as in Manhattan, because the stars shined brighter than she had ever seen them.

A shooting star crossed the sky.

“Look, a falling star! Make a wish, Gracie!” she swore she could almost hear what her mother had said, back then when they had gone camping and watched the stars while eating roasted marshmallows on the campfire. “Quick, quick!”

So, she asked for something.

“To be strong, so I can survive this.” Through her tears, which she seemed unable to stop now, she saw how the falling star appeared again but this time with a bright green-bluish glow. “I really don’t want to die… but I needed it to be over.”

She waited.

But wait a minute, was it just her or the fucking thing was starting to look like it was falling upon her?  

It didn’t cross the star as the falling star she had seen when little, who had been quick and going horizontal. This one was falling vertical, as if straight to Earth. Towards where she was.

It came closer, then even much closer, and she tried not to laugh at the irony of dying not of her wounds but because of a fucking meteorite.

She really was an unlucky bitch.

Grace closed her eyes when the green bluish light became almost too much to bear, it even burned as if she was sunbathing, and with a painful sigh, she accepted death.

[darylandbethfanforever9]

Downfall Of Us All: Chapter 6

Downfall Of Us All

Chapter 6

AN: Thank you to everyone, who is enjoying the story, and thank you to @jtargaryen18​ who helped write this story with me. Couldn’t have done it without her.

"Here, I'll show you both how we climb up the wall." Sophie said amused, she carefully placed the doll down and placed her fingertips on the wall. She smiled, and was able to stick to the ceiling with her blonde hair falling down around her pale face. Bucky looked amazed, and Steve looked impressed.

"Holy shit, that's incredible." Bucky said amazed, Sophie grinned at him before gracefully dropping down on the floor. She tied her hair up in a ponytail, and started packing up the dolls carefully. "My mama said that we started climbing the walls, when I was able to walk and so was Gracie. Our mama, she was a good mother and a good woman," Sophie said softly, as they finished wrapping up the dolls. "She loved you both very much, and willingly risked getting killed just so that you and Grace could be safe. I believe she was a good mother, Sophie." Bucky said honestly, Sophie nodded.

Even if her mother and father had gotten together in terrible circumstances, she knew they had loved each well and truly. She knew they'd been married.

Sophie smiled softly, and carried the dolls that were wrapped in newspaper to the living room. Grace had already sorted out the bathroom, her bedroom and now there was just the kitchen and..... Mom and Dad’s, bedroom.

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Grace couldn't help but feel a sense of grief, when she and Sophie entered their parent’s bedroom. Framed photographs stood on the large chest of drawers, with a family photograph of them. She missed them so much, she helped Sophie carefully put their father's clothes in a box for the charity shop. Someone else could use these clothes, and it was what their father would've wanted. She folded them up, and placed them in boxes while Clint, Bucky, Steve and Tony helped pack away everything in the U-Haul truck, Natasha was helping them. "Did you know our mother?" Grace asked hesitantly, Sophie looked up curiously as they both looked at Natasha who smiled sadly. "I never met her, but I did hear of her while I was working for the Red Room. She was a vicious, fierce and dedicated young woman who often partnered up with the Winter Soldier," Natasha explained quietly, and Sophie spoke. "They hurt you, didn't they? The Red Room?" She asked quietly, she could sense Natasha's emotions which were a combination of pain, anger and torment. Natasha nodded mutely, she didn't have to say the words to the two sisters who both seemed to understand her pain. "I don't know much about my family, I was taken in by the Red Room, when I was five years old. I'm actually older than I look, I was born in the 1950's during the Soviet era." Natasha said grimly. "They experimented on you? When you were just a little girl?" Grace asked appalled, she knew the Soviet Union had done horrific things but experimenting on children? "They did worse to Bucky." Natasha said sadly, thinking of what the KGB and HYDRA had done to Bucky. They had turned him into the ultimate killing machine, to take down their enemies with no mercy. Sophie shuddered, she felt horrified for Bucky and Natasha as she began cleaning out the drawers when she found a file. 'Project Widow Program.' "What the hell is this about?" She asked wearily, looking at the file in her hands. It had turned yellow with age, but the writing was in a mixture of Russian, Romanian and English.

Natasha came up behind her, glancing over her shoulder. "What's that?" Sophie carried the thick, bulky file filled with photographs, typed and handwritten pages over to the bed, the spy and her sister joining her there as she opened the file, began to look through it. It started with photographs and vital statics on their mother starting from her childhood in the Red Room all the way into her teenage years. One of the last entries was missing on the Red Room records. "Stop," Natasha told her, one slim finger pointing to that blank space. "What?" Grace asked her. "Something's missing?" "A big something," Natasha told them. "One of the final preparations in a girl's Red Room training is… sterilization. But that doesn't appear in your mother's record, obviously. Does it say what happened there?" Natasha took over then, gently scanning pages of handwritten notes they'd already glanced at. Sophie struggled to keep up, able to read most of it. Their mother had been an exemplary student. They had been interested in her in particular because of her athleticism. They'd admired her long slender limbs, her above average flexibility. More notes, these showing that fertility test had been performed on their mother, then she'd been given fertility drugs. More notes followed, these on prospective fathers from the Winter Soldier program. Their father's name was circled amongst several other names listed. One was crossed off, no name, just the word 'Asset' with a notation that they'd disqualified him because of age, and they felt it could degrade the quality of any resultant foetus. "Asset?" Sophie asked. "What does that mean?" Natasha's green eyes were grave when they met hers. "They called Bucky Asset. I believe this might have been in reference to him." Sophie's heart dropped. To think Bucky could have been her father. They continued scanning the notes. The next page started documenting a viable pregnancy. ‘Me?’ Sophie wondered. But her eyes widened as she continued to read. No, she couldn't be reading what she thought she was. Natasha's hand slowly slipped into hers as tears filled her eyes. They'd done experiments, on the foetuses in the womb, injecting them with the venom of seven different spiders. Of course, they had. They knew their powers had come from somewhere. Still, to think of something as barbaric as experimenting on babies before they were ever born. Grace's eyes shined along with hers. Sophie herself couldn't imagine how Grace felt reading all that. She'd never had a child as Grace had. The bastards had just used their parents. They'd forced a child on her mother, experimented on her and her child as if they were not even human. She can't imagine what a terrifying experience that had to have been for their mother. Maybe even their father. "There were two," Grace said out loud. "Two foetuses?" Natasha nodded. "Twins. Girls." Sophie swallowed hard. Wait. Their mother had a pregnancy before her? Twins? What had happened to them? More notes detailing the impact of the venom on the baby girls. One grew stronger by the day. As she grew in strength, her twin weakened, faded. Before the end of the second trimester, the twin had died. Their mother had carried both, likely knowing one of her babies had died, because of the experiments they'd done. It was unimaginably cruel. She'd gone into labor early, at thirty-three weeks. The deceased twin had been born first, named Ilona and her heart sank to think there was a sister she never met, would never know. The live twin had been remarkably healthy. Her name had been Sophie Vera.

She struggled to comprehend what she was reading, she'd had an older twin sister called Ilona who'd died without ever knowing her. The knowledge that she'd had a sister upset her, but she could only imagine how her mother and father must have felt. They'd been forced into this horrifying ordeal by HYDRA, and the Red Room. Had that been why Sophie was five years old, when Grace had been born? "Does it.... it say where they buried Ilona?" She asked quietly, her voice thick with emotion. This was becoming too much for her, she felt like crying. Natasha shook her wordlessly, it made no other mention of Ilona or where she had even been buried. It just simply went onto the pregnancy about Grace, and how it had progressed. "I'm sorry Sophie, and Grace." Natasha said gently, the two sisters nodded numbly and packed away the last of their things. Sophie simply wanted to get out of here. "Let's just get back to the compound."

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Grace sat beside Clint as they drove back to the compound, he'd sensed she was upset and she wiped her eyes. She felt upset, angry and lost. Everything about her life was a lie. "Sophie had an older twin sister, Clint. I had another sister, one that was never talked about and a brother." She said suddenly, causing Clint to look at her quietly. He knew that she'd had a brother, but Sophie had a twin sister? "I'm sorry Grace." He said quietly, Grace laughed bitterly and wiped away a few tears from her eyes. She didn't know what was a lie, and what wasn't anymore. "I'm angry Clint, angry at my parents for keeping this from me and Sophie. I'm angry at the Red Room for treating my mother like she wasn’t nothing more, than a breeding machine and incubator. I'm mad at HYDRA for turning my father into an assassin, and I'm just upset!" She said bitterly, her eyes flashing red. Clint quietly took her hand, and she held it tightly. He knew that sense of anger all too well, he felt it now every day. "I know that anger, Grace. It's what keeps me going, I'm not giving up until I find Laura and make her suffer for what she did to my son and daughter," Clint said darkly, his grey eyes hard as steel. "You loved her, didn't you?" Grace asked quietly, Clint was silent for a while before he nodded silently in answer to her question. "I loved her, and I thought she loved me. I'm just now realising, that all of it was a lie. A facade, she never loved me or our children. The only thing I've got of Cooper and Lila, is their photos and memories." He explained finally, and Grace squeezed his hand tightly again. The two of them sat silently as Clint drove the truck, both of them thinking of their children who'd they'd lost. Grace couldn't help but feel that Clint understood her grief, sorrow and anger over Zach. It was like he was comforting her, in his own silent way. As if, he understood her feelings. They reached the compound, and Clint turned off the engine as they began unloading the U-Haul. He saw Tony come out with none of his usual sarcasm, he was looking at a file. "Tony, is everything ok?" Steve asked concerned, approaching the billionaire genius who shook his head. "Pepper's divorcing me, says she can't handle this kind of life with me anymore. She believes I broke my promise," Tony said humorlessly. No one knew what to say, Peter and Bruce looked like they wanted to say comforting words but Tony headed inside quickly. Sophie, and Grace looked shocked. "I thought Pepper loved him." Grace said shocked, Clint sighed.

"Me too," Clint told her. "I'll be right back. Steve?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Clint tipped his head in the direction of the compound and Steve nodded, apparently wanting to check in on their friend too. Bucky followed them. They found Tony in his office, the file on his desk, and his head in his hands. "Tony?" Steve asked quietly. The three of them walked in, closed the door. Tony lifted his head, eyes shiny with tears. Clint couldn't remember ever seeing his arrogant friend so destroyed. Ever. "Is this a sure thing?" Steve tried. "You guys have fought before…" "It's over, Steve," Tony whispered, swiping at his face with the back of his hand. "Nothing I can do. I can't fight her anymore. She wants me to put all of this aside to keep my promises to her. The world won't let me put it down. You know what the funny thing is? I was fighting for her too." "Tony, if she really loves you, she'll understand," Steve told him. "She wouldn't ask this." "Then I guess… she doesn't love me," Tony muttered. "She does," Steve said. "I believe that." "Yeah," Clint snorted, bitterness never far from his surface. "Unless you've got a gal who's in this life with us, like Steve has Nat, love doesn't work here. Even if it was once there. Or you thought it was. Trust me." Steve winced at his words. Tony's expression sobered. "You know what? You've got a point, Clint. You're right." Shaking his head, he stood up. "I shouldn't complain after what you've been through." "I didn't mean that," Clint told him. "Just seems, looking around, not many of us are doing so hot where love's concerned." Bucky shook his head, having nothing to contribute. "What am I going to do?" Tony said to no one in particular. "I can't really remember a time when Pepper wasn't there in my life. What happens now?" "You stay busy," Clint told him, "and you stay focused. That's how I get by. Speaking of, ah, I could really use your expertise with something. When it's a good time." Tony looked exhausted, but his eyebrows raised. "My expertise. Meaning I'm an expert. I like that. What can I help with?" Clint's gaze met Bucky's. He already knew what Clint was going to ask. "We found some more information about the sisters," Steve started, "I'll get you the file with the intel. The file revealed more about their origins and we'll talk about that later." "I need you to help me track down Grace's son, Zach," Clint told Tony. "On top of everything else going on, she deserves to know what happened to him. Can you help us?" Tony's gaze softened. "Yeah. Yeah, I can do some tracing. Get me everything you can, okay?" Clint nodded. "On it." "Did you clear their apartment?" Tony asked quietly. Steve jerked his thumb towards the front of the compound. "All out front." "What about all the cats?" Tony glanced at each one of them in turn. "They're going to a shelter? Or some nice cat lady's house, right?" Bucky and Clint exchanged another look. "All things considered," Bucky said carefully, "they can keep them, can't they?" Tony barked out a laugh. "If it was one? Maybe. But there's how many?" "Tony, he's right. Do you really want to upset two emotionally unstable women with Peter's abilities?" Clint threw in there, trying to keep things light. "They could always ask me nicely," Tony's usually snark made an appearance. "Hey," Bucky took a step in his direction, drawing a curious glance from Tony. "Someone has a crush," Tony teased. Bucky glared, Clint snickered. Steve did what he always did, putting a hand on Bucky's shoulder to stay him. "We'll talk to them about it, Tony, okay? Can we agree the cats can stay for now?" Steve reasoned. "Temporarily," Tony warned though he didn't look all that angry. He seemed to sense it was a battle he wouldn't win. "Thank you," Steve said. "We'll get to move the girls in." The line was meant to mark their exit. They hadn't made it to his office door when Tony's voice stopped them. "What do you think, guys," Tony began, "about the two of them? Are they going to fit in here? Conform to what we do?" "They're going to do just fine." Steve looked him in the eye. "They just need some time to recover and to train." Tony nodded, waved them on. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Steve shot the two of them a look. "The cats might be a problem." Bucky still looked angry about it all, but Clint huffed a laugh. "He has anything else to say about it, I think we should send the girls in there to convince him. I don't think he'd enjoy that as much as he thinks he would." He could tell Bucky was fighting a smile at that. "Come on," Steve motioned them to where the girls waited at the truck with Natasha. Clint offered Grace a small smile, one that she returned as they all got into their vehicles before driving back to the Avengers Compound. "Is Tony alright?" Grace asked quietly, Clint shook his head grimly and sighed quietly as he looked at the young woman. She was sitting beside him, in the passenger seat. "He and Pepper are getting divorced, she can't handle him being Iron Man. So, they're getting divorced after a year of marriage." Clint said quietly finally, feeling sympathy for the billionaire genius. Grace felt deeply saddened for Tony, she knew the man was arrogant but he had a heart of gold. Tony didn't deserve to be treated like this, let alone by his own wife.

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The drive to the Avengers Compound was silent, as they reached the building and Sophie was shown to her bedroom that would be hers. It was a large room, with a view of the front lawn and the mountains in the distance. She smiled, and began carrying in her belongings. Bucky helped her carry in some of the heavier cardboard boxes, and they placed them on the floor. Sophie smiled at him in thanks, before she looked at the light purple walls, her kind of colour. "Thank you, Bucky." She said softly, smiling when she saw Reg running over, his silky black fur shining in the sunlight. The cat meowed affectionately, and rubbed himself against her before prowling towards Bucky. He started climbing up Bucky's jeans, purring and Bucky picked him up gently as the cat purred softly at him. "He likes you, he's not very fond of strangers," She said amused, seeing Reg curl against Bucky's shoulder happily. Bucky smiled, and scratched Reg under the chin. The cat purred like a motorcycle engine. "I've always liked animals, but they were for the rich folk." Bucky said quietly, rubbing Reg's belly softly. Sophie smiled, and took out the framed photos. Five of them with Zach at his birthday parties, one was of her and Grace doing ballet. The rest were with their parents, and one of them as a family. Bucky smiled at the photos, and carefully picked up the framed photograph of Sophie and Grace with a little blonde haired boy, smiling happily into the camera. "Was this recent?" He asked quietly, Sophie nodded and wiped her eyes as she looked at the framed photo of them in happier times together. "Three years ago, it was at Avengers Theme Park and Zach loved that amusement park. Especially the Adventures of the Howling Commandos Ride, he adored it." She said softly, when they heard raised voices yelling. "Oh shit, that's not good." Bucky said grimly, and they both cautiously entered the living room to see Tony and Pepper yelling at each other. "Why won't you give up on this life, Tony?!" Pepper asked frustrated, Tony glared at her and Sophie winced at the influx of negative emotions hitting her. "Because Pepper, Iron Man is a part of me. I can't stop being Iron Man, and the team needs me, Peter needs me." Tony explained calmly, trying not to lose his temper. Pepper looked at him with a betrayed expression. "So you prefer them, to me? I'm your wife, Tony! Your damn wife, and this is how you treat me?" Pepper asked enraged, screaming at the end. Bucky saw Sophie, Peter and Grace look at her tone of voice and decided to speak up. "Pepper, lower your voice please." He said calmly, and Pepper shocked everyone by slapping him hard across the face. Sophie gasped, and rushed over.

Tag list: @jtargaryen18​, @marvelfansworld​, @sapphirescrolls​, @kitkatd7​, @fwmdks2​, @redfoxwritesstuff​, and @nomadicpixel​

[elliearchive]

YOU’LL TURN IT ALL AROUND AND YOU’LL COME BACK TO ME ➝ GRAKYA.

TAGGING ➝ Nakya Clarington, Gracie Harper.

LOCATION ➝ Coffee shop.

TIME FRAME ➝ 4/16, early afternoon (follow on from f2f).

WARNINGS ➝ Mentions of rape.

NOTES ➝ Kya finally explains what happened and why she left Gigi. Mostly.

GRACIE HARPER

Whether she’d admit it or not, Gigi would always have a special place in her heart for her ex. She was her first love – her only love, in fact – so as hurt as she was, she couldn’t even help but give her the chance to explain herself, even if she thought that it probably wouldn’t help. So far, it hadn’t, and she simply frowned in response, pausing to place her order, and then focusing on Kya again. “If my math is correct then you fucked someone else,” Gigi said bluntly, eyeing the other girl across the table. “I was completely in love with you too, you know? I was. But how do you forgive somebody who would do that to you? How do you believe that somebody was in love with you if they could just leave you like that? Because that’s what you did, Ky. Cheating aside… You left me.” She paused, eyes filled with hurt. “I don’t know how to forgive you for that.”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

Nakya didn’t really ever get lost for words. She always had something to say. But Gigi’s questions were valid and she’d have to seriously open up about what had happened to answer them. Kya licked her lips, leaning in closer to the other woman so she could keep her voice down, “I have no excuse. Nothing excuses what I did to you, and I don’t expect forgiveness because that’s too much, I just want to explain because I’m hoping that if you know the truth, maybe if you understand you’ll know that I really did love you.” She sucked in a sharp breath and stared at the other girl, “I didn’t cheat on you. Your math is correct, but I didn’t cheat on you, and it took a long time for me to come to terms with that, because I blamed myself for a long time, and thought it was my fault, which is enough reason that I ran away, because I thought it was all my fault. But I didn’t cheat on you. I’m not making sense.” She stopped and took in another deep breath, bracing herself to say the words that she hadn’t been brave enough to say more than a few times in the past. “I was raped.” She finally said it, and then bit her lip, willing herself not to cry. “I tried to pretend like it never happened, I wanted to hide it from you and from everyone, and I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. But then I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared Gigi. I was a kid and I was pregnant and I was in love with you, and I didn’t know what to do.”

GRACIE HARPER

Kya was right, she wasn’t making sense. Gigi didn’t try to interrupt, though. She simply watched the other girl curiously as she continued to ramble, wanting to understand her. She wanted so badly to have this whole mess straightened out, because hating Nakya was exhausting. It had been exhausting, she was ready to move past it now. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting as her ex continued, but it wasn’t that, and Gigi felt her eyes shoot open wide, the color draining from her cheeks. “What?” She said almost dumbly, looking at the other girl in slight disbelief. This wasn’t about her, it was about Kya, but she couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of guilt that washed over her. Gigi shook her head, voice quieter. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you…” She trailed off. It wasn’t about her. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, her eyes growing sad as she looked at her ex girlfriend in silence for a long moment. “I don’t know what to say,” she finally whispered.

NAKYA CLARINGTON

The look on Gigi's face made her almost regret telling her the truth. Maybe it would have been better if she'd just let the other girl hate her. "You don't have to say anything, it was a long time ago." She whispered, wiping her own tears away and shaking her head. "I didn't tell you to try and fix things, I just wanted  you to know the truth, I didn't want you to think that  you'd done something wrong, that I cheated on you because you didn't make me happy or anything like that. I just wanted you to know." She heard her voice shake slightly as she spoke, and hated that she felt weak. "I didn't want to leave you, but I wanted to get away from him, and I didn't want to tell you."

GRACIE HARPER

Gigi stayed quiet as she tried to let everything sink in, shaking her head in disbelief. “I’ve been such a bitch to you,” she finally said, voice thick with sadness. She brought her gaze up to meet Kya’s, and didn’t even have to think about it as she stood from her seat to walk around to the other girl’s side of the table, her hands cupping her cheeks and her thumbs brushing away the tears that’d rolled down them. Her gaze scanned Kya’s face, and without thinking, Gigi leaned down to press her lips delicately to the other girl’s, eyes closing until she finally pulled back. Her hands remained where they were, protectively cupping Kya’s cheeks. “You don’t have to keep talking about this,” she promised, voice soft. “I’m so sorry, Ky. I wish I’d been able to do something to help. What can I do now? Tell me how to help.”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

Kya let out a soft chuckle when Gigi said she'd been a bitch, she wasn't sure what to expect from the girl next, but it certainly wasn't for the other woman to kiss her. Listening to her words, Kya shook her head, "You don't have to do anything. It's okay, I'm okay. And I have Alexa, and she's a total pain in the ass, but she's perfect. I'm really okay, you know? I'm kind of glad you were a bitch to me, if you didn't care it would have been a lot worse. And I deserved it, I don't blame you at all, if it were reversed, you know I would have been a bitch, too."

GRACIE HARPER

Gigi stayed close once she’d pulled back from the kiss. She didn’t care that she could feel a couple eyes on them from people at the surrounding tables; they could stare all they wanted. She took in her ex’s words, nodding her head in understanding. “I just wish you’d told me,” she admitted, finally dropping her hands from Kya’s cheeks. She gave her a weak smile, before going to take her seat back again, but reached her hand out across the table for Kya’s. “I could’ve done something. Even if it just meant being there for you. You know that I would’ve been there.”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

"I know you would have. I mean, this me knows you would have. And back then, I probably knew it, too, but it I was just too scared to think straight." There was another part of this that Nakya hadn't told Gigi yet, and she wondered if she should lay it all out there now, or maybe save that for later. Maybe Gigi had learned enough about what happened then for one day.

GRACIE HARPER

Gigi really wasn’t sure what to say or do here. She was still trying to absorb everything her ex was telling her, and trying to ignore the way she was internally yelling at herself for the way she’d treated her. “I understand,” she said with a small nod of her head. Though, she would obviously never understand how Kya had felt, since she hadn’t been in her position. She paused before continuing, almost worried about the response she’d get. She didn’t know if she could cope with the idea of Kya suffering completely in silence. “Did you tell anyone?”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

Kya swallowed, sighing at the question and then nodded. “I did.” She admitted, biting her lip, “Not right away. Lucy came to be with me at the hospital when Alexa was born. Afterwards I told her. She was the first person I told. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t love my baby, I was afraid of what would happen. I guess once I held her and I knew how much I loved her, I finally felt like I could tell the truth.” Kya shrugged, “It probably sounds dumb. It was so long ago now, but at the time it all made sense, I guess.”

GRACIE HARPER

Not that the situation was good at all, but Gigi definitely felt some relief in the fact that Kya hadn’t been entirely alone in it. She was glad that she’d had her sister there, and nodded along as she spoke. “I’m glad you had someone,” she responded softly, offering the other girl a weak smile. “It doesn’t sound dumb. I don’t know what any of that feels like, but I can imagine it’s terrifying. There’s no right or wrong way to handle it.” Sucking in her bottom lip, she thought for a moment, finally letting out a small sigh. “Can we start over?” She asked, looking at the other girl across the table. “I don’t know what I mean by that exactly. I just know that I don’t want to keep hating you. I’m mad at myself for wasting so long doing that.”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

Kya frowned at her words, and shook her head slightly. “I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to erase everything from before that. I don’t want you to hate me either, but you had every right to, and we’re both different people now. So maybe instead of starting over you can just give me another chance, so I can prove to you that I won’t run away again. Pick up where we left off maybe? Without all of the anger and fear?” She asked, her eyes hopeful as she met the brunettes, wanting more than anything just to have the girl in front of her in her life again.

GRACIE HARPER

Although she still felt like crying for the other girl, Gigi found herself chuckling softly, shaking her head. “That’s what I meant. I don’t want to erase what we had in the past, I think that was pretty fucking special,” she admitted, the small smile still settled on her lips as her gaze met Kya’s. “I like that, though. The idea of picking up where we left off. We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” Gigi paused for only a moment, not giving herself the chance to really think too deeply into it, before she continued. “Ky, can I take you to dinner one night this week?” She quickly added. “If it wasn’t clear, I’m asking you out.”

NAKYA CLARINGTON

She couldn’t fight her smile as she heard Gigi speak, and she really didn’t want to. “We do,” she agreed, when Gigi mentioned lost time and then nodded again at her question. She could feel her cheeks grow hot, though it didn’t show on her dark complexion. “I’d like that,” she said softly, reaching across the table to squeeze Gigi’s hand. “Just let me know when and I’ll get a sitter.”

[hotdadlicense]

hi i’m in walking dead mode right now so ignore this but u know how theres like quite a few AUs where like......rick wakes up and its the start of the apocalypse again after living through a fair chunk of it and its like him correcting mistakes or whatever OR the au where they all kinda wake up but theres no zombies and the end of the world was all a dream but they all collectively had it so they find each other in the modern world and meet up????? thats neat and all and i will read those fics till the day i die but u know what i have not seen and i rly wanna like. cry over? daryl. 

daryl waking up at the start of the end of the world? okay i haven't put much thought into pre-rick era so like maybe just before rick comes in? maybe when merle and the crew leave for the city???? and its like a post-negan daryl thats waking up here. mayhaps the night glenn d*es and daryl gets taken? OR EVEN better maybe when jesus rescues daryl and daryl finally falls asleep for the first time in months on an actual pillow surrounded by certain members of his found family and then he just????? 

wakes up and he’s at the fcking quarry. his bitchass loudmouth brothers nowhere in sight cos as daryl figures out later, merle left the previous day. its the highkey reset button that everyone kinda wishes they had because they’ve all lost so much over the past 2-3 years but like... it can not be real. okay i will readmore the rest of this so you can all stop suffering now

or! and i haven't actually seen past carl dying so i’m not positive about things but hmmm maybe when rick ~dies. the bridge explodes. rick, for all intents and purposes of the show, /DiEs/. and daryls a fucking mess becos that was on him and maggie and idk who else was involved in that plot or even if thats actually what happened. but from what ive gathered rick and daryl were kinda on the outs with the negan shit and that bridge scene could’ve been avoided. if things had just gone a bit differently. if they could go back in time just for a second! just one more chance! one more shot at things going differently and daryl could totally fix everything. then the next day daryls waking up at the quarry.

ugh quarry era daryl and saviour/negan+ era daryl are so different? like the heart of him is the same but they all barely know each other at the start and daryls so angry and skittish and runs on fight or flight mode but alexandria/saviour/negan era daryl has like......bleed for these people? provided food and water for these people? led these people to safety? put his life on the line on several occasions for these people? made some of these people smile and laugh by just existing? stepped in as leader when rick has his moments? or like co leader with michonne & co.?

like would he tell anyone?? would he speak up more and try lead them to the farm cos that was a good move they did before? does he keep up pretences and chuck a tantrum over the crew not returning with merle or does he like. go ‘okay.’ and everyones like what the actual fuck. does he go into the prison and head for the cafeteria straight away to get the remaining prisoners out and kill that one bitch that fucks shit up for them?? 

he absofuckinglutely saves sophia. jumps that fucking guardrail before rick can even get out from under the car properly. carol literally not letting sophia out of her sight for days after daryl and rick and sophia all return like 2 hrs later, wet and covered in dirt and some blood but safe.

if he did tell someone, who would it be?????? rick?? carol?? like how would that even go down. would he tell them maybe later on? prison era maybe. when michonne finally comes and they’re all debating whether to let her in or let her fuck off and stuff and daryls like wow i cant take this anymore rick that is ur future WIFE man. patch up her fucking leg. 

or maybe carol. when they’re on watch together and carol casually mentions that daryl was over and into the woods, right on sophias heels, before people even realised which direction she went. how rick mentioned once to her that daryl seemed to know exactly where to find her. even picked up her doll without even seeming to stop. just seemed to know exactly what was happening. daryl just shrugging.

also side note. we, and daryl, do NOT know a butterfly effect. absolutely no ‘oh he saved xoxo and that means them and 2 others are gonna die!’ plots. nope. no way. this is the do-over of all do-overs. a one time fix it and fix it for the better.

THAT ALL BEING SAID this post is me being like hey what if daryl got a second chance whatever but no! what this post is truly about at its core is: IMAGINE a daryl thats lived....lets go with the ricks just died version. daryls lived that long and lost that many members of his family. 

and then he hasn't.

imagine daryl seeing beth for the first time again. the last time he saw her, he was carrying out her dead body to her sobbing sister. then they’re all at the farm again and she’s theres. alive and well and still young and bright and smiling. ‘you’re gonna miss me so bad when i’m gone’ he fucking did. he missed her so fucking much. he like. physically stops himself from like just going up and grabbing her and hugging the shit out of her. 

daryl seeing sophia grow up? seeing carol become that mum. the mum that she always wanted to be and become still the strongest fucking women daryl had ever met but also like........her and sophia. every time he sees them together he just wants to cry. carol deserves this so fucking bad. after everything, if he could save nothing else. he can make peace with himself knowing he gave carol this. this time with her daughter that she got robbed of.

daryl seeing glenn, alive, so so so young it seems compared to the the last glenn he saw. seeing him at camp at the quarry. seeing him talk to maggie for the first time. going from seeing him alive and so so so fucking real then his sleep being filled with nightmares of That night. how long after glenns death did daryl blame himself. would’ve put his head under the bat without hesitation if it meant that glenn could live and meet his son. him and maggie can run hilltop together. and now he’s real and he’s tangible and he’s funny and daryl spent so much of his time remembering glenn and feeling guilty that he never even really let himself miss him? but fuck he’s missed glenn so fucking much. missed having his back out on runs and glenn having his. 

meeting aaron and eric again. going to that spag bowl dinner, eating the fuck out of it, just enjoying watching these two gays in love have dinner with each other at the end of the world. thinks about how they specifically invited him over for dinner. erics not gonna die this time round. they're both gonna met gracie. bring her back number plates. help her put them on the wall, put them amongst all her drawings.

meeting merle again. knowing that merle died for him. them. the whole family. michone. idk if i want merle to live or die idk lets move on.

hershel lives!!!!!!!!! no beheading here!!!!!!!! fuck that!!!!!! fuck the governor!!!!! maggie and beth and glenn do not ever have to witness their father (in law) being killed in cold blood! no! hershel fits in v well with the alexandia community and thrives there. daryl makes damn sure of that. 

the road is long and things look bleak at some stages but everyday daryl gets to look at this group of people, who fucking survived! against all odds!!!! and he can smile and breathe and it doesn't matter that food is scarce. it hasn't rained in a while. everyones exhausted. doesn't matter!!! they're all alive and okay and no where near as jaded as they could be right now. every single time in the past 3 yrs where hes thought ‘if i could just go back and fix this ONE thing’ and he got that chance and he fucking excelled at it. his whole families right here, having a bbq, theyre met new people, saved more people, gotten smarter quicker.  

[unholyhelbiglinked]

It’s Grave|Chapter Thirty Eight|2015

"Hold her down," Hannah's voice moved through my mind as I fought off another round of pain, my stomach lurching as I leaned over the side of the bed. Elise was quick with the trashcan- not wanting me to ruin her carpets, but that was the last thing on my mind.

"Don't you think I'm trying?" Natasha quipped back as I let out another scream, the ache rushing across my body in wave after wave. Giving me a short moment to breath between each round. Lily had mentioned pain. She had mentioned suffering for each life I had taken. I didn't expect to feel the sensation of being staked in the heart every few minutes. The blood was something unexpected as well. I must have lost a lot of it over the last hour. It was like a case of smallpox that dragged its way from hell and into my immune system.

I tried to catch my breath as I laid on my back, savoring the cold air that ran over me, I knew it wouldn't last long. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak in the next few minutes, so I needed to get it out now.

"Can-"I started to talk. My voice was raspy and almost unfamiliar to my ears. They all listened, waiting for the rest of my sentence as Hannah held my hand. I glanced at her for a moment. Wondering why she wasn't with Ingrid. Or where Ingrid was at all.

Hannah's hands were bloody. Covered in scratches and teeth marks, I knit my eyebrows together, well aware that I caused some of them, but the others were old, almost scabbed over.

"She's confused," Nat whispered, running a hand through her dark hair. "Grace, it's been a couple of days. We need you to stay awake for us, okay?"

I wanted to close my eyes, finally getting a longer break from the pain. Maybe it was over. Maybe I had served my thousand deaths and could finally have a moment of peace. I nodded sorely, continuing to hold Hannah's hand.

"I'm tired," I said suddenly, propping myself up quickly as I waited for more pain to come. We all sat, in a thick silence. Anticipating something to happen. But nothing did. Not for a full five minutes.

"Are you okay now?" Elise finally whispered, plopping down at the edge of the bed. I glanced at her. She was all banged up. All three of them were. Clothes torn and bloody. Hannah had a long scratch across her eye that reached to her chin. It dripped fresh blood, making both Elise and Natasha visibly uncomfortable.

"Did I do that?" I whispered, feeling immense guilt as I leaned against the backboard, savoring the cool wood against my back. Hannah nodded softly, but a small smile crossed her lips, confusing me.

"But you feel bad about it," She told me, sounding out the feelings that I couldn't make much sense of at the moment.

"welcome back to the world of the sane, Grace," Natasha gave me a small, but daunting smile.

I curled up on the edge of the couch, the blanket moved up to my chin as I relished in the fact that I actually had a chance to get a shower. I was covered in bruises and long scratches. My head still had a dull ache, but other than feeling tired and sore, I was fine.

"We're heading out," Natasha pulled the suitcase towards the door as Elise threw the house keys my way as she stood next to her friend. "Please, don't forget to water the plants."

"I won't" I told her softly, after a short pause I spoke again, catching Hannah's attention as she sat at the other end of the couch, going through her emails that were now doubt backed up. "Thank you guys, for everything."

"Well, shooting you in the head wasn't much of a chore," Natasha quipped, scratching her neck awkwardly at the sudden display of emotion. "but you're welcome."

"This doesn't mean all bets are off," Elise winked, hugging me from behind. I hugged her back, squeezing her arm as it laid across my chest "we're defiantly still mortal enemies."

"Well I'm glad I have something to look forward too," I smiled at her as she took her place back at the door, making the excuse of loading up their car. She elbowed Natasha in the ribs quickly before exiting the house.

"Hannah," Nat rubbed the side of her stomach "I'm sorry for biting you. It was a bit barbaric of me,"

"It's okay," Hannah said with a small smile, the awkward exchanged ended with Natasha saying goodbye once more as she exited the large house. The book didn't give them much of a spell for immortality. It gave them ancient writing that I refused to take a look at. I was done with that thing. I didn't want to set eyes on it ever again.

They were Europe bound to find someone to translate it. I knew they would be back, but for right now- we had a lot to sort out here. Like Ingrid, and the fact that I'm legally dead in my friends eyes.

Hannah had begged them not to make my death public, seeing as she was the only one who knows I wasn't actually six feet under. She got Mamrie to sit down with her and film a video to put on my channel explaining that I would be taking a leave of absence for a while. It was a temporary solution to a more permanent problem.

"Where's Ingrid?" I finally asked, pulling my legs closer to my chest. Hannah had been tip toeing around me for the last few hours. I offered to help clean her up a little, but she refused, saying that I was tired and she could tell.

"She's slowly waking up," Hannah whispered "last I checked she was gaining some feeling in her fingers. She grabbed my hand."

"Shouldn't you be up there with her, instead of down here with me?" I questioned, knitting my eyebrows together.

"Probably," Hannah stood, her bones cracking as she reached her hands over her head "Will you be okay down here?"

I nodded as Hannah flashed me another smile before heading to the stairs. "I'm really glad that you're okay, Gracie."

"I am too," I whispered as she began to climb the stairs "I am too."